Jonas L.A. (2010) s01e04 Episode Script

Previously on "jonas l.
A.
" Oh, nick! What has gotten into you? You just seem different this summer.
Good different.
( laughs ) Well, I talked to my director About who should play my love interest in "forever April," And she wants a joe from jonas type.
There's a roomful of mes in there and I'm freaking out.
- Action.
- I'm a ghost.
Ghosts can't love.
If we never try, then we'll never know what could have been.
- And cut.
- I got the part! - Here you go, man.
I made you breakfast.
- Wow.
Thanks, dude.
No problem.
Feeling good? Feeling loose? Feeling awesome.
I'm going to be in a movie today.
Not just any movie! From the best-selling novel, "forever April," Comes the major motion picture event Starring my brother joe.
( chuckles ) dude, no sausage.
In a world with no sausage, - One man-- - --tells his brother to stop talking like that.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Hey, let's practice your lines.
Kevin, we've been practicing all weekend.
I'm pretty solid.
Okay, then you wouldn't care if I did this-- Scene 36, interior, high school gymnasium, Your character dade is alone.
The ghost April appears.
She says, "dade, you're not safe here.
- You have to go.
" - I'm not going anywhere without you.
- Nailed it! - See? Solid.
- Now do it backwards.
- You without anywhere going not I'm.
You are going to be a great actor.
And you are going to be a great director.
Director kevin? - Yes, actor joe? - What time is it? - 7:30.
- And what time do I have to be on set? - 7:30.
- So we should probably-- - ( rock music playing ) - yeah! hey! ♪ I was sitting at home ♪ ♪ watching tv all alone ♪ so tired of routines the day goes on and on so I pick up the phone call everyone I know I say there's gonna be a party hit the music, here we go, yeah you gotta live to party, bust your move everybody's in the groove tell the d.
J.
To play our song are you ready to rock and roll? gotta live to party, bust your move everybody's in the groove live to party! According to this, the set should be Over there.
Or over there.
Dude, you're the director.
Which direction are we going? Relax, okay? We're a little bit lost, we're a little bit late, But look at this place! We are not in jersey anymore.
Kevin, I was supposed to be in makeup like yesterday.
( laughs ) you have to wear makeup.
- Ha.
- ( sighs ) There it is.
Come on.
Chill.
We're in hollywood-- nothing starts on time.
You're late.
Who said you could be late to a mona klein set? - He did.
- Hi, ms.
Klein, I'm kevin.
I'm joe's brother.
Also a director! - Well, aspiring.
But I'm just a big fan.
- Zip it! You sit down while I decide how I'm gonna punish you.
- It won't happen again.
- No kidding.
This movie is my big comeback.
After "soccer squirrels 2: Nuts in new york" - They said I'd never work again.
- I loved that movie.
Well, the critics didn't.
But "forever April" is going to get me back to where I belong.
Unless you mess it up, so be on time! Mona, my yoga class ran over.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh sweetie, what's a few minutes? Take all the time that you need.
Oh, the face on that one.
Vanessa, how did you get away with that? Mona totally chewed me out for being late.
I have exited vanessa.
I am now April.
- What? - Dade, is that you? Joe, this is a technique some actors use to prepare.
They become the character even when the cameras aren't rolling.
Dade, am I visible? - Play along.
- Yes.
April, I can see you.
You're the only mortal I can communicate with and I need - Something.
- What is it, April? A bagel-- lightly toasted with the middle scooped out.
I'll get it.
Nick: All right, you strum.
Okay.
G-g-g-g.
C-c-- - We're doing it.
- We are shredding "twinkle twinkle.
" I think a guitar should always be a two-person instrument.
Depends on the two people.
Maybe you should try it on your own.
Oh.
Um - Okay.
- ( rock music playing ) - Hey, how you doing? - Hey, d.
Z.
, we're kind of in the middle of something.
Introducing d.
Z.
, a.
K.
A.
: Lady candy, As in candy for ladies, not as in, you know, I'm a lady named candy.
I get it.
I don't want to get it, but I get it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a big date tonight.
And-- oh, this is real velour, So if you were to rate my look on a scale of jamming to slamming? - Um - You hate it.
Hug me.
Ow ow, d.
Z.
! You're hair's really sharp.
Oh, sorry.
I must have overgelled.
Okay, d.
Z.
, back away from the jonas.
Whatever is going on, it can't be that bad.
The-the truth is I'm not the player you think I am.
And I've never been on a date before.
There, I said it.
That is a huge shock.
- But it's gonna be okay.
- It's not gonna be okay.
All right? I'm meeting andrea tonight.
My threads are busted, And this bling is giving me a rash.
Okay, I can help you.
But you're gonna have to do it my way, understand? - Yeah, where do we start? - Follow me.
Let's go.
Okay, aunt lisa, I'm ready.
Oh, thanks for letting me practice on you, stella-bell.
You know, I think massage is my true calling.
I do.
I know I said that about acting.
And candle-making.
- And landscaping.
- Hey, it's a free massage.
I'm in.
Oh, I am going to be charging a pretty penny for this, Once I get into massage school.
- Get in? - Mm-hmm.
I thought-- I thought you were already-- you know? - Oh no.
Let's begin.
- Okay.
Who's a good girl? Do you like that? Hmmm? ( giggles ) - Aunt lisa? - Yeah? Is there any chance that Before me you've only massaged, Say, a cat? Oh yeah.
Oh, there's a chance.
Okay, in this scene, Dade goes to the house where April's spirit lives.
- Cool.
- Joe, I need you to play this - Scared, yet tough.
- Got it.
Confident, yet vulnerable.
- Really? - I want big big emotion Played in a very very small way.
- Okay, on that one how do I-- - camera rolling! - Wait! - What? - Aren't we gonna rehearse? - Rehearse? What is this, your high school play? This is the big time.
You're a professional actor And every minute on this set costs money.
This conversation? A million dollars.
Saying "a million dollars"? $27,000.
Excuse me, guys, is everything okay? - Who are you? - I'm joe's brother.
We've actually met.
Yuck, family.
No thanks.
This is why I have birds.
Shoo! Cue effects.
Cue music.
- ( ballad playing ) - and action! Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
- I just need to be close to you.
- No, you need to forget me.
Try, dade.
Pretend I never existed.
But I can feel you all around.
In the silence I hear Line! - The sound of! - Cut! - Do you not know your lines? - I do not.
I mean, I did.
I'm just nervous.
I'm not paying for nervous.
Go again.
Cue effects.
Music! - ( ballad playing ) - and action! Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
- Uh - Cut! What's the deal? Everybody take five.
You get your act together or you're gonna see my dark side.
Okay? It gets darker? - D.
Z.
: Ow! - Macy: Quit squirming.
- Oww! - What did you put in here, glue? I don't know.
It was my grandfather's toupee cream.
Oh, I'm gonna need a bigger comb.
( rock music playing ) So, do we like? - No.
- Oh boy.
Kevin: You're doing great, bro.
Stop saying that.
I'm a mess.
- Just try and relax.
- Maybe I just don't belong here.
What does this chair say? - It says "joe.
" - yes, exactly.
"joe," not lou, not ed, but joe.
They wouldn't give you a chair with your name on it if you didn't belong here.
- Who's ed? - I'm trying to make a point.
You're fine saying the lines with just me.
You don't have a dark side.
Mona freaks me out.
- What if she fires me? - I won't let that happen.
We gotta go much tighter on joe.
Throw a 75 on, okay? - Gotcha.
- Hi, mona.
You just pop up all over the place, don't you? Yeah.
I think I figured out what joe's problem is.
- Oh, do tell.
- It's you.
I'm the problem? Yeah, you have a way of saying things that are scary and mean.
Joe, on the other hand, likes things that are soft and nice.
- Oh, does he? - If you could give him rewards, Maybe like treats or snacks, that could really help him.
Fascinating.
You know, I have a different approach.
- Oh, what's that? - Security! - No, that's-- - get him off my set.
No, I'm okay.
Hey-- - Hey, we're fine.
- Bye-bye.
- Wait, what happened? - We talked.
You're all good.
- ( kevin screams ) - what? No.
Come on, guys, I've gotta get back to set.
My brother needs me.
Guys, come on! - ( beeps ) - joe, talk to me.
Dude, why did mona kick you off the set? Things were said.
It's not important.
So how you doing? I am freaking out.
You need to get back here.
Mona: Picture's up.
Where's joe? - She coming.
- Joe? Joe! I don't think so.
Listen, my brother really needs me.
He's back there on set.
And I need a three-hour foot massage, followed by a four-hour foot massage.
I think we're both gonna be disappointed.
( piano chords playing ) May I present the new and majorly-improved d.
Z.
? Wow, d.
Z.
, is that really you? Holla! Back up the cool bus.
Vroom.
Beep beep beep beep.
( beatboxes ) - Whoo.
- Yep, it's still you.
I forgot he still talks.
It really kills the look.
Wait wait, you guys think I need more than this? Girls love a good dresser, But the clothes are just the packaging.
There's so much more that we like in a guy.
Uh-oh, macy's about to lay some knowledge on us, d.
Z.
Oh, well, d.
Z.
's all ears.
- Well, we like a guy with confidence.
- I reek of confidence.
That's my body spray-- "confidence" by stone stevens.
Yeah, there's such a thing as too much confidence.
We like it when you listen to us.
Oh, like I said, all ears.
- But still have your own opinions.
- Totally.
- ( whispers ) about what? - Oh, I know! We like a guy who can make us laugh Well, I got this off the back of a gum wrapper: Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they'd be called "bay-gulls.
" - Stop it.
- But not with jokes.
I really hate jokes.
Ahem.
Come on, flying baked goods? D.
Z.
, just listen.
Care about your family and your friends.
And show the world you have a beautiful spirit.
And always always chew with your mouth closed.
- Got it? - Got it.
Anything else? One more thing: If you like a gi, you should tell her, So she's not confused by the messages you're sending.
Got it, processed.
Outskis.
- You deserve a medal.
- Thank you.
So anything I said surprise you at all? Or? Jokes-- I didn't know they were a deal breaker.
Officer evie-- may I call you evie? There has to be someone in here you want to talk to.
Matt damon? Usher? Kesha? I don't play like that.
You got will smith in there? - No.
- Oh well! I guess we're stuck.
Oh no, that boy didn't just do that.
( groans ) I had to wear the big heels today.
Boy! Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
- I just need to be close to you.
- No, you need to forget me.
Try, dade.
Pretend I never existed.
Around all you feel can I but.
I just said it backwards.
Cut! I can feel you all around.
I can feel you all around! See, I can say it.
What about a treat? Let me see, what have I got in my pocket here? I've got some mints, a lipstick.
I've got the number of the guy I rear-ended this morning.
- I think I'm past treats.
- Okay, so what can we do? - Maybe you hired the wrong guy.
- I don't make mistakes.
I saw you onstage and you were electric! I'm 25 and you made me feel like I'm 12.
- 25? - Shh! Joe, you've sang in front of thousands of people And made them feel everything you wanted to.
Bring that guy here, all right? Find your inner rock star.
You can do it.
Okay, I'll try.
Cue effects! Music! And action! Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
- I just need to be close to you.
- No, you have to forget me.
Try, dade.
Pretend I never existed.
I can feel you all around in the silence I hear the sounds of your footsteps on the ground and my heart slows down so now I'm I'm waiting for the moonlight so I can find you in this perfect dream don't think that you can hide there in the shadows girl, you're not invisible you're all that I can see oh oh yeah something's changing deep inside all my hopes start coming alive as we're fading into the night I can see your eyes so I keep on waiting for the moonlight so I can find you in this perfect dream don't think that you can hide there in the shadows girl, you're not invisible I'm waiting for the moonlight so I can find you in this perfect dream don't think that you can hide there in the shadows girl, you're not invisible girl, you're not invisible you're all that I can see and my heart slows down.
And cut! Rock star joe, welcome to my movie.
That's awesome.
See that actor? That's my brother.
- How was that? - That was great.
That was amazing! Now do you think you can say your lines As well as you sang them in that song? - Definitely.
- All right, let's go again.
- Ow.
- Sorry.
- Ow.
- Honey, you're just so tense.
Oh, look, you have a whole row - Of knots back here.
- That's my spine! No, it's not! Here, let me just get this one right here for you.
- ( cracks ) - oooh, okay, Ow ow, I can't.
I just can't.
It hurts.
I can't feel my legs.
- It's over.
- I knew it.
Failed again.
I shouldn't even try.
- Aunt lisa.
- No, it's true, okay? Everything your mom said about me, it's true.
You know what mom says about you? She says that-- That you're a sweet soul.
And that you're the best sister in the world.
- Hmph.
- She trusted you to look out for me while I'm in l.
A.
- And I'm so glad that you're here.
- Really? - Yeah.
You're a great aunt.
- And you know what? - Hmm? I think you could totally be a great massage therapist.
- I really think I could.
- There you go.
You know, just research it a little bit.
Maybe go online, and Just learn about what feels good, You know, for humans.
Or I could become a cat masseuse right now.
Dealer's choice.
You know, whatever you do, I believe in you.
Ohhh, thanks, stella-bell.
- ( cracks ) - oh, sorry.
You know, I'm just gonna go.
Ready for another lesson? No thanks.
How about some "three blind mice"? I hear it's a big hit with the kids these days.
I'm good.
( sighs ) Is something wrong? Nick, when I was telling d.
Z.
All those things girls like in a guy, I was really talking about all the things I like in a guy.
You were? And if I, let's say, found this guy Who had all of those qualities, - I'd really hope that he'd like me too.
- I'd hope so too.
- Ow.
- Nick, it was you.
Okay? I was describing you.
- Forget it.
- Macy, wait.
What? What I'm trying to say is I like you.
And I've been wanting to tell you ever since I saw you this summer.
Well, there it is.
What took you so long? I guess I was just scared.
If anyone should be scared, it's me.
- Why? - Because this is crazy.
You're a rock star and I'm your-- - Macy.
- I'm your macy.
I like the sound of that.
Me too.
This has been such a weird day.
( sighs ) it feels good to be home.
Do you guys think there's such thing as a cat masseuse? I mean, this is l.
A.
, so there probably is.
There are like pet therapists and pet psychics.
That's crazy stuff.
So what are we doing? Do you want to order in? Like, I'm kind of hungry, but I'm kind of not hungry.
You know? Hey, guys.
Do you mind going over tomorrow's lines with me? Actually, man, you rocked it today.
I think when it comes to movies, you're a solo act.
- Plus you're banned from the set.
- Yeah, that too.
D.
Z.
: Holla! Oh, best date ever! - Only date ever.
- So it went well? Oh yeah, andrea was definitely feeling me.
Aww, so you remembered All the stuff I told you about how to act with a girl? Yeah.
Kinda.
I sort of blocked you out.
Well, can't wait to meet her.
Yo, d.
Z.
, where you at? Peeps, andrea; andrea, peeps.
What up, playas? Yo, we gotta scoot.
I promised your moms I'd have you back to casa d.
Z.
Before curfew.
Okay.
We can just jump in the cool bus.
Beep beep beep.
( beatboxing ) Come on.
What was that? Next on "jonas l.
A.
" I want you to tell me everything there is to know - About being a director.
- You survive the day as my assistant, And I will tell you everything you need to know.
- Sweet.
- Mona wants me to kiss vanessa today during the shoot.
- How do you feel about that? - Good.
- Do you have feelings for joe? - Yes.
Absolutely yes.
So if he were to, say, kiss you during the photo shoot? Ahhh, joe is gonna kiss me?! ( squeals ) Joe, do your thing.