Lazor Wulf (2019) s01e04 Episode Script
At the End of the Day
1 La, la, la La, la la la, la-la la la Da da da da Da da da da da da Heyyyyyyyy [Both howling.]
Look at you.
[Howling continues.]
Looking all good up there.
That's right, baby.
Everybody's got that inner glow.
But hey, I have a bootleg copy of the 1985 Berry Gordy-produced "The Last Dragon" on LaserDisc.
Hey, Canon Wulf, it's your move.
[Howls.]
[Cellphone rings.]
It's Blazor Wulf.
- What's up, sis? - Where are you guys? Currently, we're howling at The Moon.
- Whassup? - Oh, God.
Let me talk to Canon real quick.
This what you're doing right now? Tomorrow is my annual weave blowout sale, and you both agreed to helping me set up.
I got Jermajesty Jackson coming through, and let's be clear he ain't cheap.
Oh, damn, I guess I forgot.
But can you blame me? Who can think of weaves when The Moon's out tonight and looking so damn fine? I just gotta show my appreciation! [Howls.]
Moon looking fine? What the hell are you talking about? I'm tryin' to do it big and you're busy howling at a goddamn moon? - You're a piece of [Bshh.]
.
- Whatever.
We'll get there when we get there.
Bye.
Seemed like that could've been something important.
Homegirl's gotta just understand that we busy right now.
Not everything runs on Blazor Wulf time.
You, put that there! And, uh, would you hang that sign on the left? Kimmy, did you get my hot wings? Also, could someone check on Jermajesty, please? Should've been here by now Hold up, did you just say the Jermajesty Jackson is gonna be here? Yes, Jermajesty, the dopest lip-syncher in the mother[Bshh.]
galaxy.
And I paid a ton of money for him to be here.
Screw these hair dryers, I'm about to rob me a Jackson! Ha ha! Gimme that! The hell is your [Bshh.]
father, your dad, whatever you call him? Who the [Bshh.]
cares?! [Glass shatters.]
You know what? Whatever.
Damn, you looking thick as heck! Thick as heck, I say! It stars Taimak, Vanity, and Julius Carry as Sho'nuff.
It's a classic film.
You'll love it, I promise.
Homey's name is Taimak? - That's sick.
- Ain't it, though? I'ma probably change my name to Taimak.
Important question.
You ever seen a nice-ass moon and just wanted to pee on it? Nah, can't really say that that's ever crossed my mind.
Could you two quit it? 'Cause that would be greatly appreciated on my end.
Oh, [Bshh.]
.
Did you hear that? - Me thinks it's trying to say something? - I don't know.
Sounds like a bunch of weird noises to me.
Maybe it's complimenting our mustaches.
Listen, I'm just trying to do my 12 hours and dip, okay? I'm not here to get hollered at and/or peed on.
Yo! What is you saying, Ma? I'm saying, "Go away and leave me alone!" Are you getting this? I'm, like, completely lost here.
I don't know, I might hear a hint of Norwegian? Maybe it's showing appreciation for all the compliments we're giving it.
Probably not, but let's roll with it anyway.
[Howling.]
[Scoffs.]
Y'all really workin' my last nerve.
[Energy warbling.]
[Waves crashing.]
Whoa.
Yo, the homeys definitely need to see this.
Blazor Wulf: [Sighs.]
Damn, this fool's supposed to be here an hour ago.
Let me see what's up.
Hi, it's me Jermajesty.
I'm in the uGoGo, way to Blazor Wulf's Weave Blow Out.
Wait a minute.
What is that?! [Howling.]
Poor person, stop the car.
Now, wait a minute.
It's bananas over here.
It's some wolves howling and what not.
Seems like a party! Yooooo! It's Jermajesty! Come through! [Gong sounds.]
So, like, you know, I had somewhere I was "paid" to be, but whatever to that [Bshh.]
, 'cause I'm allowed to ignore my responsibilities because I'm famous.
I just made some new friends.
Say hi to Lazor Wulf and Canon Wulf.
[Howling.]
Those mother[Bshh.]
.
Blazor Wulf! The world would love to know, on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you right now? I'd be at like a 20 if I were you.
[Chuckles.]
But that's just me.
4,579, Jamantha.
I'm at a 4,579.
Girl, I know that's right.
Let's keep watching.
You got this, Jermajesty.
Just believe in yourself.
I mean, but I ain't never Just do it, already! God damn! [Howling.]
I'm now at a full 4,580, Jamantha, and [chuckles.]
I think I'm gonna go [Bshh.]
Jermajesty Jackson up.
There you have it Blazor Wulf is going to [Bshh.]
Jermajesty Jackson up.
Back to you.
[Howling.]
You guys don't seem to heed warnings.
Hey, guys.
That's no way to talk to a moon.
Well, you can go if you don't like it.
Actually, it might be best if you leave.
Well, I'm just saying, it seems a little grotesque, out of control, kind of inconsiderate to The Moon.
I don't know, I just Oh, my God! Is that Jermajesty Jackson?! Oh! Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Lazor, Canon! Bye-bye.
Yeah, you better run.
Lazor Wulf? - Hey, Blazor, h-how's it goin'? - It's not going anywhere.
- Where is Jermajesty? - I don't know.
But I bet you ain't know that Berry Gordy - produced "The Last Dragon.
" - Oh, my God.
She ain't know.
[Howling.]
What's good, Blazor? Nothing's good, Yeti.
Have you seen Jermajesty? He's either giving me my money back or I'm taking his legs.
You leave Jermajesty's legs alone! We're about to perform together.
Jermajesty! You better give me my money back.
Never! [Howls.]
[Energy warbles.]
Wait, what is happening? I'm about this close to [Bshh.]
y'all shit all the way up! Hold up.
Did you guys hear that? I don't hear [Bshh.]
.
[Howling.]
Shut the [Bshh.]
up! Something is really wrong.
Hello.
My name is Blazor Wulf.
Hi, girl.
My name is Luna.
And these spinnas got me [Bshh.]
up! I work hard, and these nerds got the nerve talkin' at me like I won't bust they [Bshh.]
? We'll see.
Oh, see, right there is where you messed up.
[Chuckles.]
These folk right here, they don't listen, like, at all.
They don't! But that won't be a problem soon, 'cause I'm about to slap this whole planet in the face! Oh, [Bshh.]
.
[Howling continues.]
Hey! Y'all need to stop this mess right now.
The Moon? Not a fan, and is more than willing to come down here and make that clear.
It's about to kill us all, and if I have to cancel my Weave Blowout Sale 'cause of this, I swear to God! So, you're able to understand it? I'm impressed.
But I don't appreciate being impressed.
I think it's coming down to show its appreciation.
About time! Oh, my God, you are so dumb! Women don't like being treated like objects, and objects don't like being treated like women being treated like objects.
You're making no sense.
Go do your Weave Sale thing.
We are gonna just continue making The Moon happy, okay? [Howling.]
As a matter of fact I'ma make T-shirts.
Jamantha Carthwright live from Montgomery Cliff.
An impromptu moon gathering has broken out.
It is being called That Moon Glo Festival.
It's bringing people from all over our fair city to celebrate The Moon.
The Moon, 20,000 years old, has been showing us extreme behavioral changes, some resulting in seriously weird [Bshh.]
.
No need to fret, however.
Moon worshippers see The Moon's reaction as positive and full of appreciation? Word? Everything I do is innovative, Jamantha.
Not only are we throwing this festival in her honor, we also got all these folks here showing their appreciation.
And The Moon loves it! It's coming down to say "thanks.
" You trying to buy a T-shirt? Don't you feel like it's a little bit exploitative? Yeah, Jamantha.
Yeah, I do.
Nobody asked you! Jamantha, The Moon is public domain, free for everybody.
You know Wait.
Hey, yo! You selling bootleg T-shirts?! Get your own hustle! Keep playing, and you gonna get yourself hurt out here.
Go suck a fart, you cornball! Next time, trademark your shit! We've been able to catch up with another one of the founding howlers of the Moon Glo Festival, Lazor Wulf.
Lazor, how does it feel to have brought so many people together for this event? Regular.
Jamantha, I bring people together every day.
Look over there.
I even got Jermajesty Jackson to come through.
Oh! Oh, goodness! There he is, lookin' all precious.
End the broadcast! I'm about to go get my mic signed! [Energy warbling.]
[Waves crashing.]
Okay, that's it.
I'm shutting this [Bshh.]
down.
[Cellphone dials, ringing.]
[Telephone rings.]
Brah, I'm fittin' to answer this phone.
- No, no, no.
Don't answer that.
- Bro, why not? It's probably about this Moon situation that's going on.
- Shouldn't you answer it? - I could do that, but I'd rather just keep watching TV.
Fair enough.
I'm quite sure they could settle this amongst themselves.
Yeah, yeah, a'ight, a'ight.
[To "Thriller".]
Because this is scary Unh, scary night We love The Moon so much The Moon is thick as hell Oh, my ankle! Luna, wait! They They know not what they do.
Seriously, they're just a bunch of head-ass dumbass dickheads.
That being true, they still gotta die.
[Cries.]
My ankle! I think it's bruised! I'm never gonna dance again! [Howls.]
Shut up.
I want my damn payment back, you human-shaped bag of shit.
Unh-unh.
Never! Boy, don't you try to crawl away all slowly with your fingers while I'm talking to you.
[Howling continues.]
You disrespectful fools.
You might see a big fat-ass glowing rock in the sky, but that big fat-ass glowing rock has a name, and it's Luna.
Right now, Luna's pissed.
And Luna's going to kill us all.
Hey, yo, Blazor! I think I finally know what you talking 'bout! - No, you don't.
- You're right, I don't, period.
- But a piece of advice? - [Sighs.]
What, Yeti? Folks would be more receptive to your message if you just smile more.
Hey, just make it quick.
No problem, I got you.
[Howling.]
KO! So, I guess this means the sale is off? That's exactly what it means.
And that means we don't have to help, right? Right.
Nice.
Look at you.
[Howling continues.]
Looking all good up there.
That's right, baby.
Everybody's got that inner glow.
But hey, I have a bootleg copy of the 1985 Berry Gordy-produced "The Last Dragon" on LaserDisc.
Hey, Canon Wulf, it's your move.
[Howls.]
[Cellphone rings.]
It's Blazor Wulf.
- What's up, sis? - Where are you guys? Currently, we're howling at The Moon.
- Whassup? - Oh, God.
Let me talk to Canon real quick.
This what you're doing right now? Tomorrow is my annual weave blowout sale, and you both agreed to helping me set up.
I got Jermajesty Jackson coming through, and let's be clear he ain't cheap.
Oh, damn, I guess I forgot.
But can you blame me? Who can think of weaves when The Moon's out tonight and looking so damn fine? I just gotta show my appreciation! [Howls.]
Moon looking fine? What the hell are you talking about? I'm tryin' to do it big and you're busy howling at a goddamn moon? - You're a piece of [Bshh.]
.
- Whatever.
We'll get there when we get there.
Bye.
Seemed like that could've been something important.
Homegirl's gotta just understand that we busy right now.
Not everything runs on Blazor Wulf time.
You, put that there! And, uh, would you hang that sign on the left? Kimmy, did you get my hot wings? Also, could someone check on Jermajesty, please? Should've been here by now Hold up, did you just say the Jermajesty Jackson is gonna be here? Yes, Jermajesty, the dopest lip-syncher in the mother[Bshh.]
galaxy.
And I paid a ton of money for him to be here.
Screw these hair dryers, I'm about to rob me a Jackson! Ha ha! Gimme that! The hell is your [Bshh.]
father, your dad, whatever you call him? Who the [Bshh.]
cares?! [Glass shatters.]
You know what? Whatever.
Damn, you looking thick as heck! Thick as heck, I say! It stars Taimak, Vanity, and Julius Carry as Sho'nuff.
It's a classic film.
You'll love it, I promise.
Homey's name is Taimak? - That's sick.
- Ain't it, though? I'ma probably change my name to Taimak.
Important question.
You ever seen a nice-ass moon and just wanted to pee on it? Nah, can't really say that that's ever crossed my mind.
Could you two quit it? 'Cause that would be greatly appreciated on my end.
Oh, [Bshh.]
.
Did you hear that? - Me thinks it's trying to say something? - I don't know.
Sounds like a bunch of weird noises to me.
Maybe it's complimenting our mustaches.
Listen, I'm just trying to do my 12 hours and dip, okay? I'm not here to get hollered at and/or peed on.
Yo! What is you saying, Ma? I'm saying, "Go away and leave me alone!" Are you getting this? I'm, like, completely lost here.
I don't know, I might hear a hint of Norwegian? Maybe it's showing appreciation for all the compliments we're giving it.
Probably not, but let's roll with it anyway.
[Howling.]
[Scoffs.]
Y'all really workin' my last nerve.
[Energy warbling.]
[Waves crashing.]
Whoa.
Yo, the homeys definitely need to see this.
Blazor Wulf: [Sighs.]
Damn, this fool's supposed to be here an hour ago.
Let me see what's up.
Hi, it's me Jermajesty.
I'm in the uGoGo, way to Blazor Wulf's Weave Blow Out.
Wait a minute.
What is that?! [Howling.]
Poor person, stop the car.
Now, wait a minute.
It's bananas over here.
It's some wolves howling and what not.
Seems like a party! Yooooo! It's Jermajesty! Come through! [Gong sounds.]
So, like, you know, I had somewhere I was "paid" to be, but whatever to that [Bshh.]
, 'cause I'm allowed to ignore my responsibilities because I'm famous.
I just made some new friends.
Say hi to Lazor Wulf and Canon Wulf.
[Howling.]
Those mother[Bshh.]
.
Blazor Wulf! The world would love to know, on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you right now? I'd be at like a 20 if I were you.
[Chuckles.]
But that's just me.
4,579, Jamantha.
I'm at a 4,579.
Girl, I know that's right.
Let's keep watching.
You got this, Jermajesty.
Just believe in yourself.
I mean, but I ain't never Just do it, already! God damn! [Howling.]
I'm now at a full 4,580, Jamantha, and [chuckles.]
I think I'm gonna go [Bshh.]
Jermajesty Jackson up.
There you have it Blazor Wulf is going to [Bshh.]
Jermajesty Jackson up.
Back to you.
[Howling.]
You guys don't seem to heed warnings.
Hey, guys.
That's no way to talk to a moon.
Well, you can go if you don't like it.
Actually, it might be best if you leave.
Well, I'm just saying, it seems a little grotesque, out of control, kind of inconsiderate to The Moon.
I don't know, I just Oh, my God! Is that Jermajesty Jackson?! Oh! Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Lazor, Canon! Bye-bye.
Yeah, you better run.
Lazor Wulf? - Hey, Blazor, h-how's it goin'? - It's not going anywhere.
- Where is Jermajesty? - I don't know.
But I bet you ain't know that Berry Gordy - produced "The Last Dragon.
" - Oh, my God.
She ain't know.
[Howling.]
What's good, Blazor? Nothing's good, Yeti.
Have you seen Jermajesty? He's either giving me my money back or I'm taking his legs.
You leave Jermajesty's legs alone! We're about to perform together.
Jermajesty! You better give me my money back.
Never! [Howls.]
[Energy warbles.]
Wait, what is happening? I'm about this close to [Bshh.]
y'all shit all the way up! Hold up.
Did you guys hear that? I don't hear [Bshh.]
.
[Howling.]
Shut the [Bshh.]
up! Something is really wrong.
Hello.
My name is Blazor Wulf.
Hi, girl.
My name is Luna.
And these spinnas got me [Bshh.]
up! I work hard, and these nerds got the nerve talkin' at me like I won't bust they [Bshh.]
? We'll see.
Oh, see, right there is where you messed up.
[Chuckles.]
These folk right here, they don't listen, like, at all.
They don't! But that won't be a problem soon, 'cause I'm about to slap this whole planet in the face! Oh, [Bshh.]
.
[Howling continues.]
Hey! Y'all need to stop this mess right now.
The Moon? Not a fan, and is more than willing to come down here and make that clear.
It's about to kill us all, and if I have to cancel my Weave Blowout Sale 'cause of this, I swear to God! So, you're able to understand it? I'm impressed.
But I don't appreciate being impressed.
I think it's coming down to show its appreciation.
About time! Oh, my God, you are so dumb! Women don't like being treated like objects, and objects don't like being treated like women being treated like objects.
You're making no sense.
Go do your Weave Sale thing.
We are gonna just continue making The Moon happy, okay? [Howling.]
As a matter of fact I'ma make T-shirts.
Jamantha Carthwright live from Montgomery Cliff.
An impromptu moon gathering has broken out.
It is being called That Moon Glo Festival.
It's bringing people from all over our fair city to celebrate The Moon.
The Moon, 20,000 years old, has been showing us extreme behavioral changes, some resulting in seriously weird [Bshh.]
.
No need to fret, however.
Moon worshippers see The Moon's reaction as positive and full of appreciation? Word? Everything I do is innovative, Jamantha.
Not only are we throwing this festival in her honor, we also got all these folks here showing their appreciation.
And The Moon loves it! It's coming down to say "thanks.
" You trying to buy a T-shirt? Don't you feel like it's a little bit exploitative? Yeah, Jamantha.
Yeah, I do.
Nobody asked you! Jamantha, The Moon is public domain, free for everybody.
You know Wait.
Hey, yo! You selling bootleg T-shirts?! Get your own hustle! Keep playing, and you gonna get yourself hurt out here.
Go suck a fart, you cornball! Next time, trademark your shit! We've been able to catch up with another one of the founding howlers of the Moon Glo Festival, Lazor Wulf.
Lazor, how does it feel to have brought so many people together for this event? Regular.
Jamantha, I bring people together every day.
Look over there.
I even got Jermajesty Jackson to come through.
Oh! Oh, goodness! There he is, lookin' all precious.
End the broadcast! I'm about to go get my mic signed! [Energy warbling.]
[Waves crashing.]
Okay, that's it.
I'm shutting this [Bshh.]
down.
[Cellphone dials, ringing.]
[Telephone rings.]
Brah, I'm fittin' to answer this phone.
- No, no, no.
Don't answer that.
- Bro, why not? It's probably about this Moon situation that's going on.
- Shouldn't you answer it? - I could do that, but I'd rather just keep watching TV.
Fair enough.
I'm quite sure they could settle this amongst themselves.
Yeah, yeah, a'ight, a'ight.
[To "Thriller".]
Because this is scary Unh, scary night We love The Moon so much The Moon is thick as hell Oh, my ankle! Luna, wait! They They know not what they do.
Seriously, they're just a bunch of head-ass dumbass dickheads.
That being true, they still gotta die.
[Cries.]
My ankle! I think it's bruised! I'm never gonna dance again! [Howls.]
Shut up.
I want my damn payment back, you human-shaped bag of shit.
Unh-unh.
Never! Boy, don't you try to crawl away all slowly with your fingers while I'm talking to you.
[Howling continues.]
You disrespectful fools.
You might see a big fat-ass glowing rock in the sky, but that big fat-ass glowing rock has a name, and it's Luna.
Right now, Luna's pissed.
And Luna's going to kill us all.
Hey, yo, Blazor! I think I finally know what you talking 'bout! - No, you don't.
- You're right, I don't, period.
- But a piece of advice? - [Sighs.]
What, Yeti? Folks would be more receptive to your message if you just smile more.
Hey, just make it quick.
No problem, I got you.
[Howling.]
KO! So, I guess this means the sale is off? That's exactly what it means.
And that means we don't have to help, right? Right.
Nice.