Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s01e04 Episode Script

Olsen, where are those blowups of Superman? Lab's backed up.
Turnaround might take a couple hours.
Turnaround! Great shades of Elvis! What are we here? The Daily Planet, or second stringers from the Weehawken Gazette? All right, staff meeting, tomorrow morning, 6:00 a.
M with blowups.
No, the color's wrong.
- Little more almond-shaped.
- You said brown.
Well, not brown-brown.
Not dull, insipid, mud-brown like Clark's.
No offense, Clark.
- Mud? - More vibrant, more radiant.
Bedroom eyes.
If he is an alien, maybe he doesn't get the old, you know, itch.
One way to find out.
A possible visitor from another planet arrives on Earth and all you can think of is hauling him off to your lair to try him out? Test-drive, Lois.
Couple of hours behind the wheel and I know for sure if we're talking import or domestic.
No, the features are too coarse.
Think noble, think Greek god.
A Greek god? For example, the chin, it's square, but not plain the chin of a man who stands for something.
Like what? This is Superman we're talking about, not some Tom, Dick, or You know, he didn't seem that special to me.
Except for the flying and the uniform, he could be any ordinary guy.
Ordinary? Give me a break.
What we've got here is an example of human evolution: Before and after.
Clark is the before, and Superman is the after.
Make that the way-way after.
Perfect.
Superman.
Calendar.
Lois Lane cancelled lunch? Hi, you've reached the desk of Lois Lane.
Leave a message at the tone.
But don't expect a call back, unless it's about Superman.
Have a great day.
Jimmy, these are no good.
- They're okay.
- Okay doesn't cut it at this newspaper.
All right, just sit down.
How's everybody this morning? Sleep well? Yes, sir.
I didn't.
Last night our publisher called me into his office and asked me one question.
Question was, "How come the Daily Planet hadn't nailed down "the Superman story since it literally dropped in our laps?" Now, I took this as a personal criticism.
And I assured him that each and every one of my staff would chip in would not rest until Superman was ours.
- Now, is that clear? - No.
Perry, you can't be serious.
I was the one Superman flew with I wrote the original piece.
I found him.
Actually, he found you.
Thank you, Kent.
Perry, this isn't fair.
I should have the exclusive on the follow-up.
Those are the rules.
The rules are off.
This is too big.
But he's mine! He's mine, as in "my story," "story mine.
" From now on, Superman is fair game.
Every reporter for himself, or herself.
- All right! - Enthusiasm, see? I love it.
I'm with you, chief.
- We're a team? - Yes, sir.
Fine, Jimmy, now here's what I want from you.
- Two, no, make that three.
- Okay.
Doughnuts, jelly.
Go to Lucille's, tell her they're for me, you got it? Got it.
White.
No, just a minute.
I don't agree with that.
I'll find him.
How? He could be anywhere.
- Mars, the North Pole - I'll find him.
- What if he doesn't want to be found? - What're you talking about? Why wouldn't he want to be found? Maybe all this frenzy isn't what this guy expected.
Maybe he's gun shy.
That's ridiculous.
He has no reason to hide, especially from me.
Wait a minute.
I get it.
You and Superman joined the old Zero Gravity Club up on the space station, didn't you? - Excuse me? - It's okay.
Don't worry, your secret's safe.
No one would believe it, anyway.
All right, everybody, let's think.
What would draw Superman out? Use your instincts.
Beat the bushes, turn the stones, get me Superman! So, where do we start? We? There is no we.
How do you know that I don't have the inside track on finding Superman? Sure, Clark.
And when you run across Jimmy Hoffa and the Easter Bunny why don't you reel them in, too? "We" sounds good to me.
Oui, that's French for "yes," isn't it? Not in Smallville.
I don't care what the radar facility's normally used for all I'm asking for is a simple Hello? Clark Kent.
Really, he's there now? Great.
Give me the address again.
Tell him I'll be right over.
Don't let him leave.
It's the quietest building in Metropolis.
- You married? - No.
- Girlfriend? - No.
Boyfriend? Me, I mind my own business.
Where you from? Kansas.
A few screws, is all.
Minerals, it's good for the liver.
Nice view.
You can see out, no one can see in.
Walk around in the buff.
I do.
- How much? - $950.
$950? - You want cheap, go back to lowa.
- Kansas.
This is Metropolis.
$900 even.
Take it or leave it.
- You mind if I make a few repairs? - I guess not.
- When can I move in? - Soon as the check clears.
I'll get some extra keys made.
- Where is he? - Who? Where am I? My new apartment.
What do we know about Superman? Man, he can really jump, for a white guy.
Yes, but how far? How high? I mean, is he, for example, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Well, of course, he is immensely powerful.
Yes, but how powerful? I mean, more powerful than an avalanche? More powerful than a locomotive? He's still a man.
All men are weak.
Obviously, we know very little.
So I've designed a series of tests for Superman, and I need your help.
Yes, Monique? Let me hire a couple of shooters, and I'll turn Superman into a large wet spot.
Testing won't be necessary.
Have you ever read Sun Tzu's The Art of War? I'm waiting for the Reader's Digest version.
Sun Tzu was a general of ancient lmperial China and he teaches us, paraphrasing, of course: "Knowledge precedes victory "ignorance precedes defeat.
" Really? Well, an Uzi precedes a bloody mess, even in China.
Let's do it my way.
Attention all units, Code 4, possible jumper, Lexor Hotel.
Crowd control, negotiation team to the site.
Emergency response requested.
What will draw Superman out? - Will you be long? - Not long.
Take your time.
Back it up there, please.
I said all traffic stops now.
Yes, sir.
Easy, people.
Just hold the line, please.
Stop.
No pushing.
What's up? How you all doing? It's always darkest before the dawn, son.
Is that so? Come down.
We'll talk it through.
Kind of like it up here.
Fresh air.
Great view.
Well, can I get you something? - Cappuccino.
- Whatever you want.
Make it decaf, caffeine make me jumpy.
Whatever you want.
"Jumpy"? The "S" man.
- You don't really want to do this.
- You're right.
I've seen the error of my ways.
Come on.
Ready? Confirm.
- Please be careful.
- Don't worry, darling.
I've got you.
Execute.
Roger that.
Sorry, lovey.
Let's go.
Mark.
Faster than a speeding bullet.
Excuse me, Daily Planet.
Pardon me, Daily Planet.
What happened? Lois, it was incredible.
Superman caught that woman in mid-air.
She's okay, she left in the ambulance a minute ago.
You should have been here.
Clark, that's great.
That's really great, just great.
- I better go phone it in.
- Don't! They'll just rewrite you up.
My advice is to get back to the office and start typing.
Look, take my cab.
Go on.
Lois, I appreciate it.
- I owe you one.
- No, I owe you one.
This is an emergency.
City desk, Lois Lane.
Get me Doris in copy.
Doris? Lois.
Take this down.
Superman I brought you lunch.
Chicken salad.
That reminds me, can I borrow your gray suit? Lucy, you're already wearing my gray suit.
You stay out half the night, are totally irresponsible.
- So, I'm grounded? - I am not trying to play big sister here.
No, but you're unhappy with yourself so you are ragging on me.
- You are so wrong.
- Really? Who was it who called me last night, practically in tears because she stole a story from Clark Kent? - I did not steal Kent's story.
- You stole it.
I competed for it, and I won.
I stole it.
I have never stolen a story before in my life.
How could I do that? It's him.
It's Superman.
I mean, ever since he held me in his arms there's something between us, Lucy.
I know it.
There's this connection.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
I am ashamed of myself.
And you'll never do it again? I won't, never again.
And you'll apologize to Clark Kent? Not in this millennium.
Goodbye.
- Lucy, you're limping.
- Your shoes are too tight.
"Superman averts double suicide," by Lois Lane.
- First of all - Clark, don't even start.
- You got what you deserved.
- What? I know it's tough, but some day you'll thank me.
- Thank you? - You're welcome.
Never let go of a story.
Trust no one, period.
I see.
Consider this a life lesson.
No charge.
Excuse me, my name is Cleveland.
I'm looking for Eduardo Friase.
- He went to lunch.
- We had an appointment.
- I'll tell him you came by.
- Don't bother.
I'll tell my story elsewhere.
Perhaps the Metropolis Star would like to receive some information concerning Superman.
Superman? Cleveland! I've been expecting you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm Lois Lane.
Eduardo told me that you would be coming by.
I just Please forgive me.
Let's go to the conference room and talk, shall we? I'm suddenly rather hungry.
Perhaps after lunch.
Take mine.
Chicken salad.
Homemade? Tell me something.
Is Lois always so aggressive going after stories? Does the phrase "Mad Dog Lane" sound about right? - Seriously.
- Seriously? Yeah, but I have never seen her this worked up.
This Superman guy has really pushed her buttons.
I heard she aced you out of your story yesterday.
Tough break.
- Someone ought to teach her a lesson.
- Yeah, but who? Godzilla? What is that? Big assignment from the chief.
Mr.
Foot, vibrating water massage.
Stress relief.
He needs it back by 5:00.
You should talk to him.
Tell him how you feel.
Perry White doesn't care how I feel.
To him, I'm Mr.
Fix-lt.
And Mr.
Go-Get-lt.
I mean, I'm a journalist.
- Then stand up to him, make him see it.
- I've tried.
Sort of.
Thanks, anyway.
All right, make the call.
Use one of the scrambled lines.
- Where's Lois? - She must've stepped out, chief.
Okay, Kent, Schwartz, Balson, come here.
We got a bomb in the lobby of the Carlin building, Third and Ordway.
Get down there, take a photographer with you.
Chief, I'll go.
- You fix the thermostat on Mr.
Foot yet? - It can wait.
The hell it can! What're you gawking at? Let's go! I love the smell of fear in the newsroom.
Is this regular mayonnaise or reduced calorie? Reduced.
- Could we just - And just a touch of dill, right? Mr.
Cleveland, you claim to have information about Superman.
Let's hear it.
Superman is definitely an alien entity.
He comes from a planet Trofax and he's not alone.
I've been on the ship.
There are thousands like him.
- Freeze-dried, awaiting a call to arms.
- Freeze-dried? My involvement in this won't be publicized, will it? I'm planning another run at the presidency.
The presidency? Yeah, to follow up my two previous terms in '84 and '92.
- Mr.
Cleveland, l - Please, call me Grover.
If you've just joined us, the original report of a bomb planted in the lobby of the Carlin building has now been confirmed.
The bomb squad is on the scene awaiting the arrival of "a containment blister" as well as a team of deactivation specialists.
Once the blister is in place, they will work to neutralize the threat.
Meanwhile, the entire building has been evacuated and we are being told to get out of the way, just back up so for now, I'm Linda Montoya What? Superman is here, and about to enter the building.
- Superman, can we have a statement? - Not at this time.
Sorry.
Ready? Move back, please.
- Invulnerable.
- Man of steel.
Where would they have to be? Somewhere within a 2-mile radius, but that's about all we've got.
What have we got so far? - Lois, you're hurt.
- It's nothing.
- Let me see.
- It's nothing.
- You guys want to hear this or not? - Yes.
The explosion was radio-controlled activated from an unknown point of origin within a 2-mile radius of this site.
Also, there were video cameras installed in the lobby which were not a part of the building security system or any other system that the management company knew about.
- We think the two are connected.
- So you're saying that someone waited for Superman to appear, watched him enter the building and then detonated the explosives? That's our theory.
Excuse me.
I can't believe that.
A bomb.
That's horrible.
That poor man.
- What man? - Superman.
He comes here to help us.
Can you imagine how he must feel? I think so.
Doesn't make any sense.
Who would want to kill Superman? Yeah, I like the new cape, Mom.
We're getting there.
What do I do about this? It's not coming out.
Clark, is it a dirt stain or an oil-based stain? I don't know, Mom, it's a bomb stain.
Are you sure you're all right? We saw the explosion on television.
That was no nickel popper.
I'm fine.
If I can only get this out The important thing is blot, don't rub.
Will you two forget about the laundry? We've got a serious problem here.
Jonathan, it's not certain the explosion was aimed at him.
Bull.
Somebody's gunning for our boy.
Our boy can take care of himself.
It's not me I'm worried about, Mom.
It's everyone else in Metropolis.
- Who do you think it is, Son? - I don't know.
I've got a couple of leads, though.
There's something about those suicide attempts.
Two people jumping from buildings on a direct line of sight across the city at exactly the same time.
All right, then, Clark.
You call us.
I will, I promise.
Extra key, Kent.
I'll just Wrong apartment.
- Excuse me.
- Kent, I found it.
Jennifer, it's Clark from the newsroom again.
Any progress on the background stuff on Monique Kahn and Jules Johnson? How about the employment records? Okay, well, send them up as soon as you do.
Great.
Thank you.
Metropolis Hospital on Line 3.
Dr.
Newman, thanks for returning my call.
Yes.
Really? Well, that's unusual, isn't it? I see.
Okay, well, thank you very much.
Great.
Is that the same Dr.
Newman that did the psychiatric evaluations - on the attempted suicides? - Yep.
So what have we got? We? "There is no 'we,"' I'm quoting directly.
Spill it.
Okay, they've both been released.
Jules Johnson, immediately.
They don't think he ever meant to jump.
Now Monique Kahn, on the other hand, was hysterical.
Turns out she's afraid of heights.
She's afraid of heights, and she jumps off a 30-story building? - Doesn't sound right, does it? - What else? Well, while she was sedated, she kept mumbling something about a test.
Test? Test of courage? I don't get it.
What else? - That's all.
- It's not much.
Lois, I had an idea for a way to track down Superman.
- Great, let's hear it.
- Olsen! When I say soda, I mean real soda, not this lily-livered diet stuff.
Now, if you're gonna do a job, do it right! Git! I got to go.
Chief, I have something I have to say.
- So say it.
- Okay.
Okay, I am I am a huge Elvis fan.
This is the way I like to remember the King.
Not like the time I saw him in Vegas, December of '76.
Jimbo, the man was He looked like a cross between an ice-cream salesman and a neon sign.
Did 15 shows in 11 days.
I'll never know how.
His eyes were bloodshot, his hands trembled and there was a crack in his voice I'd never heard before.
- That must've been awful for you.
- Awful? Why, it was the greatest experience of my life.
Was that all you had to say to me? Yeah.
I'm gonna get you that soda now.
Thank you.
From Milly? The employment records on the two jumpers.
They both worked at LexCorp.
Them and about a million other people in Metropolis.
What's the connection? Lex Luthor.
- Yes.
- Excellent choice, Monsieur Luthor.
Yes, I'll take a dozen in each of the styles we discussed.
- Shall we say two days delivery? - Two days? Two days.
Superman, come in.
You want to know how strong I am, Luthor? You want to know how fast I am? Does that conclude your demonstration? The tests stop now.
Well, that would be nice, but what if they don't? - Lf I were you - Me? No.
I admit nothing.
No, but let's assume these tests continue you can't be everywhere at once.
As long as you stay in Metropolis, innocent people will die.
Now, are you prepared to accept that responsibility? If I were you, I'd think about it.
I don't know what to do.
Clark, you haven't done anything wrong.
Dad, Lois came within inches of possibly losing an eye and others are hurt because of me.
Because I created Superman.
What happened to those people wasn't Superman's fault.
It was Lex Luthor's.
But, I have no proof.
I can't just throw him off a building.
I'm trapped.
As long as I keep Superman alive, Luthor can make good on his threat.
Son, how can we help? You can't.
Penny for your thoughts.
Where is he? It's been three days.
Maybe whoever was after him scared him off.
I refuse to believe that.
Superman is not a coward.
He would not turn tail at the first sign of trouble.
What's with you, Clark? You look like you lost your best friend.
What you need is a pick-me-up.
Or not.
Didn't you say you had some idea for finding Superman? Forget it, it's a zero, like my life.
Tell me anyway.
I just thought, if Superman is an alien and he came here from another planet, he'd have some kind of spaceship.
Track down the spaceship somehow, find Superman.
- A zero, I told you.
- Olsen! Let's go.
Duty calls.
Operator, get me the AMPRAD Satellite Tracking Station in Fairbanks, Alaska.
Now Jimmy's idea.
That's it, that's the last straw.
Drive-by shooting, Third and Walnut.
Get down there now.
Yes, sir.
Okay, I'll hold.
Hi, this is Clark Kent in the newsroom.
Can I get a messenger up here, please? Right, on my desk.
Tonight, Lois Lane's apartment.
What kind of security clearance? Okay, I'll get one.
How hard can it be? Magnificent day.
No Superman in sight.
Shall I tell your guest you will join her soon, sir? Yes, do that.
Should be memorable.
I'm feeling exceptionally cheerful.
Bad? A 15-year-old boy's in critical condition.
His mother's in shock.
His little sister can't stop crying.
There were witnesses, of course, but no one's talking.
The officer I spoke to said they've had half a dozen like this in the last week alone.
Sounds like a job for Superman.
Yeah, that would've made a truly great story, wouldn't it? Forget the story, Clark.
Metropolis needs Superman.
Why? You think he could have stopped any of this? Or that? No.
Not even Superman can be everywhere at once.
Then what good is he? What he can't do, it doesn't matter.
It's the idea of Superman.
Someone to believe in, someone to build a few hopes around.
Whatever he can do, that's enough.
I just wish that I could tell him that.
I hope it's not too late.
- Lois.
- Not now, Clark.
If you get a package It's the idea of Superman.
Someone to believe in, someone to build a few hopes around.
Whatever he can do, that's enough.
I think we'll suspend testing for the time being, Asabi.
Results are substantially complete.
I'm very pleased.
Mr.
Luthor, I don't understand.
Superman has proved himself unbeatable.
- And you have failed to frighten him off.
- Yes, he's tough.
In fact, he's the opponent I've been waiting for.
But unbeatable? No.
Superman has a defect.
He has a chink in his armor.
What is that? Superman has morals, he has ethics.
He's unrelentingly good.
Because of that, I will win.
Good morning, Faust.
Another beginning to another fine day in Metropolis.
Let's kill some pigeons.
- Kent, that's good work.
- Thank you, sir.
Just in the right place at the right time, I guess.
That's what being a good reporter's all about.
You keep it up.
Thank you, sir.
- Where the hell's my fish? - I'm working on it, chief.
"Let there be no mistake, Metropolis is my home now.
"I am here to stay.
" That should make life pretty interesting.
But where's the story behind the story, you know? Where's the juicy stuff? - Where's the dirt? - I think that's coming in right now.
- Lois, what happened? - Nothing at all.
You're referring to my appearance.
Well, I think after hours of trudging through the mud and the filth and the frogs and the things I have a perfect right to be a bit disheveled.
By the way, did you know that it is possible to get completely lost at the Metropolis Sewage Reclamation Facility? And did you know that there are billions of mosquitoes there? I do.
Because I met them! Of course, my little trip to hell wasn't a total failure.
I found this! You wouldn't happen to have any idea who sent me this, would you? You got the story? You? Yep.
Consider this a life lesson, Lois.
No charge.
- Olsen, that bass hasn't been done.
- No, chief, but I have.
Good for you, kid.
- You set me up? - Yes, I did.
Congratulations, Clark, you win.
- I didn't win.
- Yes, you did.
You got the story, and you took me down a peg in the process.
I guess I deserve that.
You worked hard, and you earned your success.
Thank you, Lois.
That means a lot to me.
Well, I hope so.
Cherish this moment, because, Clark, you'll never experience this again.
What have we got going on tomorrow? Now, there you're using that word again.
Clark, there is you, there is I.
There is no we.
- Not yet.
- Not ever.
We'll see.
How long can you hold your breath? A very long time.
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