LOL: Last One Laughing Australia (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

1
It was a loud laugh.
Oh, because I didn't
think it mattered.
No, leave Frank.
Let's look at the replay.
I'm distraught because
I found out
I've got a cancerous mole.
I mean this is
the worst way to find out!
[laughing]
-Oh, no!
-ANNE: No, don't take Frank!
I think I'm out!
As soon as I did it,
I went, hang on
I think they can
give you a red card.
-Oh, no!
-Fuck!
See, I didn't even try
to hold it in.
I'm out!
And you just go, I'm out.
Please, can he have a yellow?
Frank, don't take Frank.
-FRANK: I just realized.
-Yeah, man, give him a yellow.
Seriously, a yellow.
Rebel, give him a yellow.
Frank, it's a pretty
big violation.
Ah
SAM:
Yellow, yellow, yellow.
'Cause he's participated so
-Yes!
-First violation.
-Yes!
-So
I would hate it.
-SAM: Thank you.
-Thank you so much.
'Cause he's done
so much in the room.
Oh, it's a miracle.
I can't send Frank out,
I'd never recover.
Oh my God.
REBEL: And I will give all
the players another reminder
to not be passive.
Yellow them, yellow them!
REBEL: You've been warned.
SAM: So someone, who's
not got a yellow?
-Ed.
-Ed.
Ed's the only one.
But Ed's gonna
it's gonna be hard to get Ed.
He's hiding,
he's hiding.
100 grand.
Personally I think Ed's
going to end up winning.
He really almost
never breaks.
He's an improv actor which
means he's a massive threat.
One of the television
shows I did,
my only job was not to laugh.
So as soon as I find
that cyborg mode,
then no chance.
Okay, I'll get
the game going.
♪[trumpet plays]
-Now we're on. We're on.
-Let's go!
Here we go.
[beeping]
FRANK: If we don't get Ed to
have a yellow card, he wins.
Yeah, totally. Ed is winning.
Ed is totally winning.
I thought,
I'm gonna go him.
Ah! Oh, God!
Ah! Ah!
I just gave birth to a more
charismatic Ed Kavalee.
[laughing]
SAM: Eh-oh! Eh-oh!
That's obscene,
what he's just done.
Yeah, I'm going for it.
How'd that feel?
Did that make you have a little
bit of a shin giggle?
Mmm, what's going on here?
Little bit of a giggle?
Do you have a giggle?
Edward's having a
giggle gon-bon.
Sam Simmons, he is
a genuine idiot.
Edwards winning
$100,000,
gonna add it to
his Nova money.
I feel like Ed's not
saying anything now.
What's he doing?
-Playing pretty passive.
-Being pretty passive.
Ed's gonna win
$100,000, add
ow, fuck, is that a glass?
[beeping]
ANNE:
At the four hour mark,
the atmosphere in
that room is like
pure insanity.
Somewhere out there ♪
ANNE:
This is a nightmare.
[laughing]
Beneath the
pale moonlight ♪
This is the prime
hour, I reckon.
I want to go back
to accounting.
There was a dick onslaught.
I haven't seen one of
these in a long, long time.
Wow.
I'm actually shocked that I did
not crack from Auntie Carol
because I was a quivering mess
on the inside.
Can I just tell you
that I'm
Oh, get fucked.
I'd find myself just going
Like someone who's
been kicked in the head
by a donkey.
Jesus, Carol,
you've had too much!
I'm sorry, I don't know
what happened.
All right, art department,
get Carol a tenner pad.
My arm went out
like that, love.
Carol needs
a menopause pad.
At this point I think
Anne was doing her best
Come on in, boys.
I'm about to pee.
And Frank was really
funny, Oh my God.
-Quick impression.
-Yeah?
Well, since my baby
left me ♪
Elvish Presley.
Elvish Presley.
REBEL: Okay, so
I've been watching Ed
very carefully lately.
Ed's been giving nothing.
Yeah.
Over the last hour.
He started strong,
he brought in that pig's head.
He's been a little passive.
Ed's been very passive.
Hey, dudes, you've heard
of nunchuks?
You ever heard
of fuckchuks?
[laughing]
Fuckchuks.
REBEL: Come on, Ed.
Do something.
I think we need
passive cards.
I was sitting in the
other room saying,
Ed's being very passive.
But I know if I was
in there at that point,
I absolutely would have
been passive, too.
He can't compete with
those other personalities.
Careful though, don't
look around you might
get hit in the eyeball
with a penis.
-[alarm blares]
-Yeah.
Oh!
-Who laughed?
-What happened?
Okay, comedians, I don't
need a replay for this
because there's
nothing to show.
Oh.
There's been some
passive play
From you, Mr. Ed Kavalee.
That's called make sure
everyone has a yellow card
-before the end.
-FRANK: Yeah, it might be.
No, it might be because you've
been doing some passive play.
If I continue to
see passive play,
it's an instant red card.
No more passive play,
got to be an idiot.
[laughs]
Sam, I don't think you're
in danger of passive play.
[laughs]
REBEL: Play hard.
-ANNE: Oh, that's rough.
-FRANK: That's rough.
Ed Kavalee got carded
for passive play.
Ed was playing
very subtly.
In a way he was playing
a similar game to me,
which got me feeling
a bit nervous.
So I have to be
assertive here.
REBEL: I'm gonna restart
the game.
♪[trumpet plays]
[beeping]
How about this, we play a game
where you close your eyes,
-Yes.
-Someone has their eyes closed.
Naz, what's going on?
And then you have
your eyes closed.
-Yep.
-Mouth open.
And we put something
in your mouth.
And you have to guess
what it is we just
put in your mouth.
All right, guys, fill me up.
Fill me up, fellas.
Fill me up ♪
Stick it in me.
Eyes closed, eyes closed.
Sticking it in.
Waiting to receive my present.
That's what used to happen
to me a lot
when my uncle Ron used
to tie me under the stairs
and I had to like sit
in there and just wait
to receive the gift.
All right.
The gift would come
through the hole
and I'd go, Uncle Ron,
what's that?
-Eyes closed, ready?
-All right.
Mouth open.
[laughing]
What was that,
what do you think it is?
That didn't feel good.
Have a guess.
I think Nazeem's angry.
-ED: Close. Rainbow cake.
-Look at me, look at me.
Yeah, this is like
Joaquin Phoenix level Joker.
Look at that, look
down the barrel there.
Do "why so serious".
Or the other one,
what does he say?
I can't get me
center link.
That's very funny.
All right, cool.
Well, you've got to be
funny in here, you guys.
Remember that, you've got
to be funny in here.
Can somebody lead
me toward the toilet?
[beeping]
Hey.
I got slammed
in the head.
Oh, yeah?
ANNE: Carol, I thought
had outstayed her welcome.
What's been happening?
It was time to go, Carol.
I red carded
Carol out of there.
-FRANK: Welcome back, Eddo.
-Thank you.
Been an interesting ride
for the last half
an hour or so.
Yeah?
This game is actually
a nightmare when you
think about it.
The sound of laughter
is my whole life,
'cause I'm very insecure.
And when I hear laughter,
I'm like, oh, I'm all right.
Rose
Rose ♪
Rose ♪
Rose ♪
Good.
-Ugh.
-Nice range.
I can't get anything.
The sound of no laughter
is failure, really, to me.
Terrible failure.
What a shocking
situation to be in.
DILRUK:
Oh, look at this, Eddo.
Everything about that
upsets me.
All right.
Fuck yeah, Edo's
going to do some shit.
-Yes!
-Oh, she's doing it.
Joker.
That was a non-planned
Joker.
And I, as I pulled it
out of my pocket,
I still didn't have a plan,
but I just knew something
needed to happen.
Sit down, Dil,
you fuck.
[laughs]
I got on stage
with the spotlight on me,
and I just thought
musical.
I'll do a musical with
suggestions from the audience.
Okay, um
Calypso.
Who?
Sorry. Reggae calypso style?
That's not no!
Anal Fissures: The Musical.
Anal fishes?
-Anal fishes.
-Anal fishes?
Fishes or fissures.
Either fishes
in the sea or
-Fishes?
-Fish or fissures.
Fissures, fissures.
Fissures, are they
little cuts?
-Little splits, yeah.
-I think so.
Little anal tearing
when you muck around.
Oh, she's going to
fully go for this.
So, it's never not
time for a musical.
And now
Please welcome all
the way from Las Vegas.
Where is my anus ♪
[laughing]
Where is it
I need to find it ♪
Where is my anus ♪
It's got tiny
cuts in it ♪
And it hurts
and it hurts so bad ♪
So bad ♪
Can I see a doctor ♪
Naz, Naz
Can I see the doctor ♪
Can I see the doctor ♪
Can I see the doctor ♪
-Aw, that was good.
-Very good.
I'm Dr. Ass ♪
I've got asses
that I look at ♪
Can I look
at your ass? ♪
It's a big ass
but it's a healthy ass ♪
Please remember to look
after your asses ♪
And don't get
fissures in them ♪
Fissures in the asses ♪
Because I can't help
you then ♪
I don't need it ♪
I've got a lot
going on ♪
In my life ♪
She's going for it.
Careerwise ♪
Besides being a doctor
I'm also a successful ♪
Comedian ♪
SAM: Fuck yeah!
Woo!
Fuck yeah!
Woo!
More, more!
-Ha, ha, who's this?
-There's more.
It's the villain ♪
[laughing]
- Oh she's the bad one ♪
-I'm the villain ♪
- What's he doing here ♪
I'm here because I want
to put a stop to this ♪
Oh no you can't ♪
-Sit down ♪
-I will ♪
Thank you
Stand up ♪
All the happy little
anuses you villainous ♪
Sit down
Stand up ♪
Sit down ♪
Stand up ♪
But my anus is
Shut up, Ed
sit down ♪
No one wants to hear from
you that's why your breakfast
radio show was axed ♪
[laughing]
You
Oh.
She was that was villainous.
Fuck yeah.
Oh, wow.
More! More!
I'm the funny character ♪
Ha ha ha ha ♪
She's lost her mind.
Smile a bit but
I'm in character ♪
Da da da ♪
Oh, where is the anuses? ♪
Can you look really
busy at every moment? ♪
Because you're an actress ♪
Looking at the things
in wonderment ♪
You guys obviously
haven't been to musicals ♪
But this is really
funny shit ♪
This is good
This is fun ♪
What do you want to do ♪
With your time Dil ♪
Once your career ends
which it's about to ♪
[laughing]
Probably go back
to Sri Lanka.
Fine, go, we don't
need you anyway ♪
When you meet him there,
Naz, what do you say? ♪
I was born in Melbourne.
Frank, oh, Frank ♪
Oh, yeah.
Where's Lano? ♪
I think he's on a cruise ♪
Is he really? ♪
Does he do poos? ♪
I think he does his
poos on the cruise ♪
Which brings me back
to the anus ♪
To the anus
To the anus ♪
Which brings me back
to the anus ♪
-To the anus ♪
-Everyone sing along.
Which brings us back
to the anus ♪
To the anus
To the anus ♪
Which brings us back
to the anus ♪
To the anus
To the anus ♪
Why don't you come
in my anus ♪
[laughing]
REBEL: What is happening?
Bring me back
to the anus ♪
To the anus ♪
To the anus ♪
Anne Edmons, ladies and
gentlemen, Anne Edmons.
-ANNE: Bravo.
-Bravo.
Haven't I done enough?
SAM: That might be
the highlight of the day.
-That was amazing.
-Great joker card.
Mum's on the sauce now.
Oh, man can we continue
on anal health?
Is there anything left
to discover after that?
There's a lot to things
in your bumhole ♪
To discover
with your friends ♪
SAM: I want to do
a duet with you.
Yeah, I know, but
I'm worried about
I need a rest.
-Oh.
-I'm on the brink.
I'm on the brink
of a giggle ♪
She's on the brink
of a giggle ♪
A giggle's coming on ♪
She can feel a little giggle
coming out of her face ♪
-Shit!
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
-Oh, shit!
Oh, no.
I'm gonna have to.
[alarm blares]
Oh
How interesting.
FRANK: Interesting.
Very interesting.
Okay. This is not
one I want to give.
Oh, here we go.
As you know, any
other violation
from now on is fatal.
ED: Yeah.
REBEL: And this is
particularly tough for me
because I personally
feel like this player
has been one of the
best players of the day.
-Who could it be?
-Me?
Let's check the replay
and find out.
See you later, guys.
On the brink
of a giggle ♪
A giggle's coming on ♪
She can feel a little giggle
coming out of her face ♪
A brink.
ALL: Oh!
Fucking hell, mate!
REBEL: Anne.
Oh, I didn't even
know I did it.
Of all the fucking people.
Of all the people!
No, man!
You worked so hard.
I don't remember it.
REBEL: You just finished
an amazing musical set.
So it's with
great sorrow.
No! She's the winner!
She didn't she's
doing the best!
No, not at all.
Unfortunately,
you're out of the game.
Oh, I didn't see it, guys.
Have fun.
Oh my God.
SAM: Oh, this is
that's brutal.
Oh, I didn't even
know I did that.
That's amazing.
I think that's where it
gets you, too,
where you just
fall out of the moment
for a minute and a
little smile hits you.
Goodness, me.
ANNE: No, I did
give it 100%.
I don't think I'd do
anything differently.
I did everything
I could in there.
I'm going to
restart the game.
♪[trumpet plays]
-Okay, we're back on.
-Game on!
[beeping]
This is for you, Anne!
They're not fucking around.
Game on.
Eddo going was devastating
because she was just
such a good player.
The mood's fucking changed.
Ed's walking around
like a Frankenstein.
-What's going on?
-My mind has been
It's gone. It is it.
All right, let's do
some stuff, guys.
Come on, we have to
do some actual stuff.
There's a sort of a feeling
that we have to
we're on this treadmill.
What's some stuff we can
do here, people?
If we don't keep doing
stuff, we get kicked off.
When Eddo walked out,
there was desperation.
All right.
All right, let's um
Yep, all right, let's go.
It only got stranger.
I got noodles on me head.
I got noodles on me head.
I got noodles, noodles,
noodles, noodles,
noodles on me head.
Sam, the energy
and the creativity
is just unfathomable.
Ah! Oh God!
Ah!
Ah! Ah!
-That's, that's
-Ass noodles.
That happened
in two minutes.
Ah!
I can't laugh at just
the dementedness of it,
because that's what got Anne.
This cascade
Uh-oh, chongo,
what do you do?
Of madness!
You can't beat a Sao.
You can't beat a Sao!
You can't beat a Sao
for a wank.
Coming at you.
Let's get a chicken breast
and shove it up our ass.
Like a firehose.
Shove it up our
ass for Jesus.
How sad was Hiroshima?
I just had to keep trying
to compete with Sam.
Hey, hey, sensei!
Oh, no, sensei!
Wa!
I don't know what I'm doing,
I'm doing martial ass.
It's martial ass.
[laughs]
Martial ass.
What do you say, sensei?
Ah!
No?
Like, I don't even know
why that was funny.
[grunting]
Hai!
[grunting]
Perfect! Martial ass!
Martial ass!
Frank Woodley,
that's very good.
Okay, guys.
ALL: Hello!
Here she comes.
Oh
Yeah, you were awesome.
I just didn't even
realize I did it.
It was just a little
it must have just been
a moment.
So unlucky!
So unlucky.
SAM: Cellotape man,
cellotape man.
Let's give it up
for the cellotape man.
[laughing]
Frank.
Look what's happened now.
As soon as you left, the tone,
it went to a new level.
Ah! Ah!
ANNE: I know, look at them.
They've just disintegrated.
Start questioning
their mental health
at this point.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
-REBEL: Yeah.
-ANNE: Look at Frank.
Hey, everybody stop it.
My name is Hot Rollers Rene,
and I'm here to stop
all you guys right now.
'Cause it's time to
get serious.
So, basically what we're going
to do, you're going to sit,
just seat yourself down
there, Ed.
And what I'm going
to try and do,
I'm just going
to massage through
some comedic thoughts for you.
[laughing]
ANNE: Come on Ed, you robot.
And Nazeem, I'm doing
the same to you.
Just Hot Rollers
Rene, putting in
some comedic thoughts.
If you don't mind,
while you're doing that.
I'm going to do like
my penis based
tribute to Bob Marley.
Oi, oi oi.
[laughing]
Oi, oi ,oi
ya yoi yoi.
SAM: Frank was really out there,
but you don't
out-crazy crazy.
Do you know what I mean?
Daddy's got his
nappies on.
He's got his nap, nap, nap,
nap, nappies on.
[screaming]
Frank is having
a mental breakdown.
[laughs]
In that room
It's fucking crazy.
They've gone insane.
I'm having a beer.
REBEL: Oh my God,
what is Dil doing?
ANNE: What is he doing?
I'm actually kind of
worried that
I'm now past that
point of no return.
And I am now a genuinely
insane person.
[beeping]
-Okay.
-Okay.
Can you guess this song?
What?
My Humps?
Wait, wait, wait.
You got to wait.
You got to wait.
Listen.
[humming]
Wait, can you listen?
I'm trying to sing a song
with my dinosaur hand
manipulated mouth toy.
You've fucking interrupted
every time.
So can you just listen?
Dil, please mate,
I'm trying my hardest here.
Frank has so many
different techniques,
and what he's trying
to do is a joke
that starts out not funny
Okay, so if you could not
-Yes, sir.
-And if you don't.
And if you could refrain.
Okay, now you need to
listen very carefully.
Oh
-Oh.
-That didn't seem right.
It was I did
fuck that up, you're right.
-I'll admit that.
-Start again, start again.
Okay, start again.
And then gets funny
because it's still going.
So listen, okay?
See if you can
guess the song.
And what is that?
What is that?
-Sorry, man.
-Fuck you guys.
Frank, it's fine.
It's fine.
-Sorry, man.
-Okay.
It's like you're not
taking it seriously.
I'm not going to do it
and you will never know
what the song was.
-Aw, Frank, come on.
-If you want.
Do you want me to do it?
-Yes, please.
-Yeah, we want you to do it.
I'm going back to
the start, okay?
I feel sick.
Just I'm giving
you one more go,
and then I'll tell you it,
and you'll go of course
that's what it was.
Okay?
Aw, Dil.
Dil, don't be stupid.
More confident that time.
See, now I've distracted
Okay, we're starting again.
This is the last time.
-This is the last time.
-I feel sad.
Well, it's a
very evocative song.
Yeah.
I mean, we've given you
a lot of chances.
Well, that wasn't my fault.
I reckon it's just better
if I do stuff with my dick.
Well, can I do that
on your dick?
Okay, well, we're
going with that.
Okay, the song was
Feelings.
[hums "Feelings"]
Nothing else but feelings.
See?
Like, love you Frank,
but I was like,
you're stealing my thunder.
Just going to do a
little bit of yoga,
just quickly to
get into it.
REBEL: Does Sam not have
pants on again?
Oh, no, no!
[laughing]
I'm going into the
Laurence of Olivier right now.
[laughing]
SAM: This is the Laurence
of Olivier.
Oh!
Ah!
Ah, God!
Feel the burn!
Sam
You can feel the burn.
Sam was just a monster.
He's a freak.
Uh, uh!
[grunting]
I'm going to pull
my joker card, guys.
-Guys?
-SAM: Joker card!
-Yes!
-I'm going to pull
my joker card.
Oh!
Franks playing
the Joker card.
Yes!
FRANK: All right, here we go.
ANNE: Let's go, Frank.
ED: Something's
going to happen.
I was in huge fear.
I was like, this is it.
This is going to
be difficult.
This is going to be
really difficult.
Nazeem would you mind
giving me
like just a sincere
and warm introduction?
All right, everybody, you know
him from Last One Laughing.
And from here today, give
it up for Frank Woodley.
[applause]
I'm scared. I'm actually
really worried.
I've always loved Photoshop.
So I've done some little
Photoshop manipulations
of some of the people who
are involved in the game
and I thought that
would be a fun thing to do.
-So my idea was
-Great.
I really do appreciate that
you really do need to look
at the photos.
This game is called
one of Bernedicts
-Benedict.
-Cumberbatch.
-Cumberbatch's features
-Yeah.
-On someone in this room.
So, um this one for
Oh, we couldn't get
the right to use
Bern Benedict Cumberbatch's
features
so I ended up
using my features.
So you'll play him.
So I'm playing
So this is Frank Woodley's
features playing
-Benedict Cumberbatch's
-Cumberbatch's features.
On somebody in this room.
-Yeah, awesome.
-FRANK: I think it would be fun.
That's catchy.
So this is Benedict
Cumberbatch's nose
on Anne Edmons.
[laughs]
All right, you can see
that it's different.
That's your nose.
That's me playing
Benedict Cumberbatch.
SAM: Got you.
FRANK: So that was a fun one.
Okay. And then, um
the next one
Uh, this is
I like this one.
This is Benedict
Cumberbatch's mouth
on Dilruk.
It's your mouth?
I'm playing
Benedict Cumberbatch okay?
On Dilruk. Okay?
-SAM: Yeah, right.
-FRANK: That's a fun one.
-SAM: That does work, yeah.
-FRANK: That works.
That was so hard
not to laugh.
FRANK: And then I really felt
like I was on a bit of
a roll with that one
so I did Benedict Cumberbatch's
eyes on Dilruk.
Yeah, right, he looks like
Oh my God, he looks like
Burt Newton.
You know, so that was
Yeah, he looks like
Patty Newton.
DIL: The eyes!
[laughs]
The eyes were on
my face.
I'm like, I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.
This one is Benedict
Cumberbatch's eyes
and mouth on Dilruk.
Yeah, right, I could see
what's going on there,
because you put Benedict
Cumberbatch's eyes.
It was horrifically funny.
Jesus, Frank, I've
been in fear of
your bloody joker
all day, mate.
My goodness.
Are we done?
That was that was very
difficulty to watch.
If that was done
three hours ago,
he would have wiped the floor.
I think I'm starting
to lose it a bit.
Trial by fire, a bit.
Hey, there's a laugh.
-Is it?
-Yeah.
Look at that smile.
-You see that?
-Yeah, I just saw it.
God, he's gone.
[alarm blares]
-Oh, no.
-Goodness, me.
-Frank, Jesus.
-I can't imagine.
-Hello.
-All right.
Unfortunately, someone
is about to be eliminated.
Let's look at
the replay screen.
Oh.
I think I'm starting
to lose it a bit.
Oh!
Dilruk
SAM: That's a laugh.
REBEL: Unfortunately
DIL: Okay.
You're red carded.
Champion.
Good job, brother.
Lasted longer
than I thought.
We will have a long
conversation about this.
See you, buddy.
But guys, this is actually
a double elimination.
Oh my God.
Who?
Oh, hear that, Sam?
-Yeah.
-Oh, shit.
Next time
You have been eliminated.
-What?
-My club, my rules.
As the comedians
continue to leave
Zombie's coming
when you least expect it.
a mystery guest arrives.
-Whoo!
-Hey!
That's a party ♪
Anne's really
stirring it up.
Who will be
Simon!
-She's gonna get him.
-Aah!
the last one laughing.
If anyone survives this,
they are dead inside.
Has he shat himself?
No.
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