Love (2016) s01e04 Episode Script

1 Hey, guys.
So, uh, what movie we thinking about watching tonight? What are we gonna tackle? We got, uh Perfect Storm, we got, uh Unlawful Entry, Sister Act 2 - Sister Act 2! - Yeah, let's do that.
- Sister Act 2.
- No, I'm not watching that shit.
- What? - Oh, why? You already watched it today? Yes, Mother and I watched it this morning.
Now it makes sense.
Uh, I got something that's kinda Perfect Storm-ish.
- Oh, yeah? - Uh - I like that.
That's really good.
- That's good.
Per, per, perfect.
- Okay, yeah.
It's like, it's the - Perfect! Ah It's the perfect storm - Yeah! - And then, it's like It's the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm Perfect Storm it is.
It's good, yeah.
Ooh, Chris, that's my ax, man.
Oh, shoot.
Let me get that real quick.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Ooh, yeah.
- Hey, man.
- Allan.
- Hey, how's it going? - Hey.
Nice to see you.
I hope we're not too loud or anything.
Not at all.
That's why I'm here, man.
I heard the music.
I go, "It's the siren song pulling me to your apartment.
" Oh, yeah, we just We get together and we play music and, uh, we actually We write title songs for movies - Mmm-hmm.
- that don't have one.
That is the dorkiest thing I've ever heard - and I love it! Yeah! - Oh.
You care if I pop in for a second and, you know do a little Oh.
Yeah.
No, of course.
Yeah, come on in.
Get in here.
Get in here.
- Yeah.
- Get your butt in here.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, guys, this is, uh This is Allan.
- He lives in the E-2200s with me.
- Hey.
- Hey! - What's up, man? Uh, I got another part.
Uh Is it the "oh"? Oh! Uh Water's lookin' so darky dark Ridin' on a boat with Marky Mark Oh, cool.
I like it.
Hey, so are we thinking food or - Yeah.
- I would eat.
Yeah.
- Yeah? - I like food.
There you are.
I was about to fire up the hibachi.
Oh, sorry, Mom.
What, do I gotta put a cowbell around your neck? That beer looks good.
Hey, guys, uh, this is Frank, also.
- Allan and Frank - Hey.
they're our buddies.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'm ready to go.
Do you want me to drive? No, I'll be the designated driver.
I don't need to get sloppy drunk at every party.
Oh, I do.
No one in Australia stays sober at a party.
We just drink and sing.
Here's to Bertie She's true blue She's a piss pot Through and through She's a bastard So they say She's gonna go to heaven But she's gone the other way She's going down, down Down, down, down Like, you really have to yell it, 'cause it's That's when you chug the Down, down, down! - And then you're you're drunk.
- Cool.
So, do you think, uh, what I'm wearing is appropriate for a housewarming? Yeah, you look hot.
This is not gonna be some kind of stuffy sit-down dinner.
Shaun is great.
At every single party in our 20s, she flashed her tits at some point.
I'm assuming she has great tits.
Legendary.
But she has a kid now, so I don't know what kind of condition they're in.
I was never a big titty flasher.
Oh.
I went through a brief phase of that at college.
Pretty much never had a top on.
Hmm.
Should I invite that guy, Gus? Why, you like him? No, but I feel like he'd be fun at a party.
Well, I'm excited to meet some new people.
I feel like I've been hanging on you too much.
Like, maybe I've been suffocating you? No, not at all.
But we should get you some new friends so that doesn't happen.
I definitely, at least, need to meet a guy.
I haven't had sex in over a week.
Really? Yeah.
Based on a book By Sebastian Junger The storm is voracious And it has a hunger Hey, Clooney Stop your hollerin' and hootin' And say goodbye to Amal Alamuddin It was the perfect storm It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm It was the perfect storm You're a dead man, Clooney! It was the perfect storm It was the perfect storm It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe Perfect Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe Perfect Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe Perfect storm I said you gotta watch that thunder Oh, it's coming from down under Thunder and lightning Lightning is frightening Shit.
Guys, can we I'm sorry.
Can we stop Can we just stop the Sorry.
I'm sorry, guys.
Uh You know that girl who's, like, been, uh, talking to me and I don't understand why? She just invited me to this, like, party thing.
- Right now? - Yeah.
Whoa, are you gonna go? I don't know.
Should I? Should I go? Yes.
You like her, right? Yeah, I mean, I - I like her.
It's just, um - All right.
It's gonna be great.
This is gonna be Everybody's gonna be drinking, there'll be booze.
Everyone'll be loose.
It's good.
I gotta say, I'm actually, uh I'm feelin' pretty good, you know? She invited me to this party.
There's at least some chance that we could be making out tonight.
You want me to go the party with you? Be your wingman? Aw, you gotta shave that beard before you're a wingman, dude.
Are you kidding me? This guy is the best fucking wingman alive.
This whole Dumbledore thing gets him a ton of trim.
- Don't say "trim.
" - Strange.
- No.
- Squishy Hall.
- Sliz.
- Ew! - Clam shell.
- Minge.
- Baby bakery.
- Just say "vagina.
" - Vajudge.
- Vagilli.
You know what? I think I'm gonna go by myself.
- Right on.
- That's cool.
- Have fun, man.
- All right.
Get the fuck out of here.
- Okay, I hear you, I hear you.
- Go.
- Traitor! - Thanks, guys.
See you, Gus.
Did you hose off the patio furniture? Jesus fucking Christ.
I'll do it now.
I asked you to do it this morning.
- Why didn't you just do it then - Hello? like I asked, instead of making me stressed out now? Because I'm the one that went to Whole Foods.
Okay, congratulations.
Daddy went to fucking Whole Foods.
- Wow.
You want a fucking prize? - Yes.
There's still bird shit all over the fucking patio chairs.
You want our friends to sit in them all night? Yes, they love bird shit.
- Fuck.
Oh, come on.
- Hey.
Hello - Hi.
Hello.
- Hi.
Hi.
- I'm Gus.
- Who is this? I'm I'm a friend of Mickey's.
She invited me to the party.
I think I'm just here a little too early, right now, so How many people did Mickey invite? This isn't the kind of thing she can just invite a million people to.
You know what, I I'm cool just to wait outside until the party gets going, and then I'll get back in here.
No, man, I'm sorry.
I mean, this was just a bad time.
- Come in.
- Let me get you a drink.
I'll get him a drink.
You go hose off the patio furniture.
You know what? I can hose off the patio furniture.
- Perfect.
That's perfect.
- Oh, thank you.
You're so sweet.
- You are like a little angel.
- Okay.
- Come on, Russ.
- Thank you.
Did you get it? Yeah.
Do you ever get these? Oh, yeah.
They just keep coming.
I'm like The Fly.
Like a sweet Australian fly.
- Really? - Yeah.
I'd love to hear a dubstep from Kurt.
- Yes.
- Uh, Shaun? - Hey.
- Sorry to interrupt.
Um, I was actually wondering about Mickey.
Is she, like, usually a late person or Um, like, she's normally either late or she doesn't show up at all.
So she's probably not gonna come, 'cause she hasn't come to the last three things that I've had.
Okay.
Well, I think I might just wait around here for a little while longer.
Got a got a pretty good feeling she's on her way.
So she should be here any moment.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Okay.
It's a Band-Aid.
That'll heal all your wounds, inside and out.
Oh, thanks.
It's beautiful.
Hey, man.
Hey, I'm Len.
You wanna come and tattoo something on me? Oh.
No, I don't.
You really want me to? It's my way of connecting with people.
My tattoos represent where I've been, who I've met.
Come on in.
Give it a try.
Oh.
You know what? That's actually, uh It's pretty cool.
I like that.
All right, let's do it.
Okay.
Mickey! Oh, my God.
Look at you.
You look so hot.
You're like a fucking hot mama.
Thank you.
Oh.
This is my roommate, Bertie.
Hi.
Thanks so much for inviting me.
Your house is gorgeous.
Um, I love your accent.
Where are you from? Oh, she's from Australia, and yes, she has hugged a koala.
It's the first thing I asked her.
Is there anywhere I may get a drink? Yes, there's a bar set up in the kitchen Alcohol! I'm just joking.
But I do really need a drink.
Nice to meet you.
- Aw.
- I really like her.
- She's cute.
- She's super cute.
This is like a full-on grown-up's house.
I know.
It's super weird, right? No, it's great.
I'm so proud of you.
You've come such a long way from that one-bedroom in North Hollywood.
You remember those creepy guys next door who always tried to give us massages? Oh, God.
They were the worst.
Mmm.
Did I blow one of them? You definitely did.
Oh! Some guy you invited is here.
Oh, yeah, Gus.
Yeah.
Um, he was the first one here and Brian made him clean off all of our patio furniture.
- Aw.
- Is he your boyfriend? No.
God, no.
I just thought he'd be, like, fun at the party.
Uh, yeah.
Well, so far he's not.
All right.
All done.
- Done? - All done, yeah.
What do you think, huh? What's a sarcoma? Oh, you don't know? Kind of ruins the joke.
Uh, sarcoma's like a form of cancer.
- Cancer? - What? No.
Not like cancer-cancer.
It's, like, malignant tumors, usually, like bone or muscle, or fat That's fucking worse than cancer.
What are you, a fucking idiot? - No.
You told me - Are you fucking stupid? You put you put fucking cancer on my back? - You Not cancer - I should throw you through the fucking window.
How about you get the fuck away from me? - Len, you said do my personality - Get away from me.
- and that's my personality.
- Get I'm a goofball, okay? You need to get the fuck away from me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
- Get the fuck away from me.
- Okay, you said Well, don't tell somebody to write anything if you don't mean it.
Cancer? Great.
Yeah, it's on Little Santa Monica - Cool.
- in Beverly Hills.
Mickey? - Hey.
- Hmm.
Gussy! - How's it going? - How are you? - Good.
I'm good.
- Oh, I'm so glad you showed.
Yeah, it's good.
It should be a fun party.
Huh? It's a Shaun party.
It's gonna be awesome.
Oh, definitely.
We're gonna have a blast.
Yeah.
- Have you been here long? - No.
No, not too long.
Really? She said you were the first one here.
She did? Oh, I ought to wring her neck.
Uh, no.
Yeah, I was just, uh I think I got the time wrong.
I don't know.
I said 7:00.
Right.
Well, I guess, uh, I thought you said 6:42.
So, in my mind, I was, like, totally, fashionably late.
Can I get you a drink? I would Yeah, I'd love a drink.
- You wanna go get one? Cool.
- Yeah, sure.
Oh, my God.
Is that Dustin? That's my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck.
I gotta go say hi to him.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Do what you have to do.
And, uh Shit.
Shit.
Fuck.
Hey, Cori.
How's everything going over there? Good.
It's just me and Chris.
Uh, just cleanin' up.
How is the party? Uh, it's kind of weird.
Everybody here at this party looks like a grown-up version of that movie Kids.
Plus, Mickey showed up late and then she, like, blew me off to go talk to an ex.
And it's like, I just feel really stupid right now.
See if he has bread? Like, why did I come? Like, why did I shoot my mouth off to everybody, like I was gonna make out with her? That's so fucking stupid.
No one thought you guys were actually gonna make out, anyway, right? It's just like I feel like I feel like she's sick of me already or something, you know? It's like, this happens all the time.
It's like, I meet somebody, and then they like me initially, and then I just, like, fuck it up and they get tired of me or something, you know? It's like, you know, you're, like, my only friend, who, like, grew into liking me, seriously.
That's not true.
Okay, that's true.
But you were like When I met you, you were like - You were like - "Hi, I'm Gus.
What's your major?" I didn't say that all the time.
Yeah, you did.
You always said that, and everyone called you Major Gus behind your back.
I thought you called me Major Gus, like, you know Like, in a David Bowie, Major Tom way, like, "Ground control to Major Gus" sort of thing.
No.
Uh.
Sorry, occupied.
Are you in the bathroom? No.
Yeah.
What? I think I'm just gonna go home.
It was, like, a huge mistake coming here.
Don't go home.
You went all the way there to talk to her, so why don't you fucking talk to her? Why don't you be a man? Just be a man.
You're a man, aren't you? Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
- Bye, Cori.
- Bye.
You can do this, Gus.
You're the man.
You're like a man.
You're close to being a man.
Fuck you, you piece of shit.
Hey.
Um that smell was in here before I got in here.
Yeah, you're the man.
You heard me? Fuck you.
Dustino.
- Hey.
- Hey, no, where are you going? I haven't seen you in forever.
Let's hang out.
Why would I wanna do that? I don't see you for years and suddenly everything is just cool? What's the problem? We said we were gonna be friends.
Is that how you remember it? You were awful to me.
No, I wasn't.
You stole my laptop.
Had my family photos on it.
I didn't have those backed up.
Are you crazy? I never stole your laptop.
My couch has cigarette burns all over it because of you.
You could've burned down my house.
I have dogs! Did that ever occur to you? Okay.
Okay.
But who cares? It was years ago.
You destroy everything that you touch.
I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy because of you.
Okay.
Well, yeah, you did shit to me, too.
It's called being in a relationship.
I didn't cheat on you.
You cheated on me, though, right? With Atwater Carl.
Big surprise.
You fucking crazy? Carl was my best guy friend, and you couldn't handle that, so you're making up all this bullshit.
Can you tell the truth, one time, for once? Please? I am.
I am.
I swear on my life.
I swear on fucking Shaun's baby's life that I did not cheat on you with Carl.
And you know what? I was really looking forward to seeing you for one second until you started with all this bullshit.
Oh, my God.
Just Whatever.
Fuck off.
Hey.
Hey.
You're that guy that tattooed Len right after me, huh? I did, I did.
Did you see that? What happened? Why'd he flip out? He had a mole on his back and I tattooed "sarcoma" next to it.
- That's amazing.
- He didn't like that, yeah.
Oh, man.
That dude needs to lighten the fuck up, right? I mean, he's got a piece of pizza tattooed on his chest.
I know, right? It's like, "Chill out, dude.
" What about you? You got any tattoos? I do.
Just this little guy.
Oh.
Right there.
Yeah, what is that? A moon, stars? - Something like that.
- Yeah.
Get some horseshoes, clovers, you got all the Lucky Charms, right? Oh, yeah.
You've probably heard that, like, five billion times, yeah? How about you? You have any? Tattoos? Uh, no.
I'm not really, uh, the kind of guy who could pull off a tattoo, you know? - Like earrings, ball caps, tattoos.
- You could pull it off.
- None of that.
- You could pull off some tats Like, just some sleeves.
Oh, some sleeves over here.
Or, like, just, like, "fuck" across your throat.
Oh.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe, I'll, uh I could get one of those, like, teardrop tattoos for every person I've killed.
- That'd be good.
- And I've killed a lot.
So, I'd have, like, 12 teardrops on my cheek.
Or, like, a little swastika or something on your - Maybe.
What? - Oh! - What? - I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that.
Why? Do you think I'm Jewish? Every That's okay, everybody thinks I'm Jewish.
I'm not, so I don't care.
- No way.
- Yeah.
I mean, I do care.
I'm a non-Jewish person who cares about swastikas.
Why don't I go grab a drink and think up some cooler tattoo ideas? Some non-swastika tattoos.
Yeah, that'd be good.
- And come find you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I'll see you in a bit.
- Okay.
Good.
See you around.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Is this cool? Sorry.
You play? - Uh, not well.
No.
- Me, neither.
Actually, I'm pretty good.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Where's my fucking amp? I mean, at Jeffrey and my record label alone I mean, we've had, like, what, four bosses - in the past five years? - Yeah.
Four? That must be so confusing.
How do you guys keep track of them? Um This is bullshit.
- Why are we talking about this? - No, it's not.
It think it's kind of fascinating - from a sociological standpoint.
- Really? Yeah, okay.
What do you do? I work in, uh, focus group research.
- I moderate focus groups.
- That's awesome.
Oh, for, like, movies or Yeah, uh, sometimes for movies, mainly for food.
Okay, so you get, like, people to tell you, like, what chips are the crunchiest? Yes, very perceptive, Jeffrey.
- Give us your spiel.
Let's see this.
- Oh, okay, uh I'd bring everyone into the room with all the brands, but then I would turn the labels away from you - so you're not prejudiced.
- Sure.
And then I'd be like, "So, okay, which tequila tastes best?" First, try number one.
Drink.
- Okay.
- All right, we're doing this, I guess.
Now try number two.
Mmm.
It's It's one.
It's so clear.
- Yeah, I'm one as well.
- Mmm-hmm.
Now let's try number three.
- Cheers! - Cheers.
Um, it's one.
I have to stay loyal.
No.
No, it's three for me.
Three? I love it.
So then I'd ask you some follow-up questions about how three makes you feel.
So, like, does, uh, three make you feel like you might do something you might regret later on? Like, something you wouldn't normally do in a party full of people with just someone, - maybe, who you just met? - Uh-huh.
Yeah, I think I might.
I think I might do something crazy tonight.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Whoo! Jet, ooh Jet, ooh Jet! I can almost remember Their funny faces That time you told me That you were going to be marrying soon And Jet I thought the only lonely place was On the moon Jet, ooh Jet, ooh - Sounds good.
- Thanks.
I didn't even notice you were watchin'.
Uh, I'm gonna grab a smoke.
You wanna join? Uh, you know, we're kind of grooving out here, so maybe in a couple verses? Totally.
Yeah, totally.
- Cool.
- What? - Cool! - Cool.
And Jet I thought the major Was a lady suffragette Jet, ooh Jet, ooh Ah, Mater Want Jet to always love me Ah, Mater Want Jet to always love me Ah, Mater Hey, Micks? Jesus fucking Christ.
You're here? This party is like The Christmas Carol.
Every guy I've ever dated is here.
That's probably why it's so crowded.
I'm kidding.
What are you doing here? Did Shaun invite you? No, she Instagrammed a picture of it, and I saw you in the background.
And, uh, I wanted to talk to you, so Save your breath, I'm not joining Bliss House.
I'm over that nonsense, all right? That's that's done.
That was That was me trying to fill this God-sized hole that I had.
But then I realized it's not God.
It was It's a Mickey-sized hole.
Oh, brother.
How long is this fucking jam session gonna go on? You know, I'm sober.
Quit drinking.
I stopped.
Good for you, okay? Bye.
- All right, okay, wait.
- What? What about you? - You're not sober.
- I'm in AA.
You're drinking wine straight out of the bottle right now.
You know what? I'm on my own path.
You worry about your journey, I'll worry about mine.
Okay, uh I just - I want to make love to you sober.
- What? I love you, and I miss you.
And I'm doing this for us.
I'm doing this for you.
You're doing this for me? You don't even fucking know me.
You just wanna fuck me and then go to your mom's house.
You know what? You're this Oh, you're this cute, pixie, little nice woman, but you know what? You're a fucking bitch.
Here's an idea.
Why don't you go fuck yourself? - Hmm? - Hey, Mickey.
Guess what? Atwater Carl confirms.
We fucked! What are you talk We fucked, like, three times.
- God, all right.
- You know we did, Mick.
By the way, you look super-hot.
Fuck you, Carl.
- What's the matter? - Fuck you! - He's telling the truth.
- Go away! - Go away! - What's going on here? - Are we, uh, destroying another soul? - Get the fuck out of here.
- Why are you talking to this whore? - Don't call her a whore.
- I love her.
- Hey, buddy, I don't know you, okay? But I guarantee you she's cheated on you.
What's your fuckin' problem? What's my fuckin' problem? She is my fuckin' problem.
Well, you're my fucking problem now, dude.
So would you recommend this tequila, or would you highly Highly recommend this tequila.
Yeah.
And, like, if an orgy were to break out, would you like for that to be a large-sized orgy or like, just like, a nice, mid-sized orgy? Nice, mid-sized.
Yeah.
You're really cute when you're drunk, you know? Obviously, I've never seen you not drunk, but You're pretty cute, too.
I'm sorry.
What's going on? Are you pretending to be straight? Because you weren't pretending to be straight last night.
Oh, my God.
What's happening? Oh, my God.
Fuck you, Daniel.
You know, sexuality's a spectrum, okay? - And we're not a couple.
So - And you're here.
I'm outta here.
Fuck you, man.
- Where's he going? - Fuck.
Sorry.
I don't mind that he has sex with boys.
Mmm, I don't mind, either.
Fuck you.
- I'm trying to fucking help you.
- Dude! - Dude, stop it! - Fucking help me.
You guys are acting like idiots.
- Just fucking Just admit it, Mickey.
- Okay, fine! I fucked around on you.
But guess what? There are bigger deals than cheating on your boyfriend - when you're 28 years old! - You know what troubles me? Is that you swore on a baby's life that you were telling the truth.
I told you she's a fucking whore! I told you not to call her that! Fine, punch each other.
I don't give a fuck.
Oh, shit! It's like his thumb went right in my eye.
I didn't think that was gonna happen.
If anything, I thought you were gonna beat the shit out of him.
And thank you for defending my honor.
I am the one that called you a whore! You know what? Fuck you, and fuck you, too.
I can't believe I fucked either one of you.
It's another weight I made I lifted that weight God.
To the sky I Boo! - Not again.
- You suck.
Boo! Mickey, maybe we should head home now.
No.
This We need to be fuckin' wild and free, right, guys? Don't you remember? The night the night that fuckin' Elliott Smith died, Shaun and I did crack and then we went and we banged on everybody's doors and told them about it.
That was a fuckin' night.
Come on! What the fuck? You're sitting on the floor.
Let's go in there in the pool.
Let's go fucking christen the pool.
Let's do it! Fuck! Christen the pool! Come on! Alexis, get in the pool.
I can't.
I have my phone on me.
- Get in the fuckin' pool.
- Hey, not a great idea.
It's cold out and the pool's not heated yet.
What? Who cares? We once pissed in your mouth in Palm Springs because Shaun and I dared you.
Can you please stop bringing that up? By this time of night, we'd all be hookin' up with each other.
The least we can do is get in the pool.
Like, come on.
Let's make shit happen.
Fuck the police! Yes! Yes! Dude, it is on! Shaun, get your tits out.
Please don't.
Whoo! Whoa! We're not dead yet, fuckers! Shit.
- I can't breathe! - It's okay.
It's okay.
It's all right.
- It's like - It's all right.
It's like somebody body-slammed my stomach.
- Oh, my God.
- It's okay.
Okay.
It's getting better.
Yeah, see? Everything's okay.
I just I just wanted to have fun.
Aw.
And you did have fun.
You just got, um, you know super injured.
Are you all right? You really smashed into the water.
- Yeah.
Aw.
- I'll take care of you.
- Hi, Gus.
- Hey, Bertie.
You guys are like my parents, but nicer.
Hey, you know what? You are the nicest, sweetest, most caring people I know.
You guys should go on a date.
You would make such a good couple.
- Mmm - Uh