Macgyver s01e04 Episode Script

When I was a kid back in Minnesota, I had a Cub Scout den mother, a Mrs Fryfogel.
She taught us backwoods common sense, like, "Don't drop crumbs on the trail because you never know what kind of critter might be right behind you, picking up the pieces.
" I'll never forget the motto she taught us: "Be prepared.
" Now, it's been said that the best company you could have in a strange place is a map.
This particular map documents the plans of some heavy-handed troublemakers.
Folks back home figure if I can get ahold of it, the trouble might stop.
The great thing about a map, it can get you in and out of places a lot of different ways.
Halt! That is far enough.
The map.
You know, I'd like to but I really need it myself.
You amuse me.
Sorry.
But I really do need it.
It just goes to show you, a good map will always get you where you wanna go.
Well, the map got me home, but a newspaper publisher made sure I didn't get to stay long.
Seems there's this problem in Central America.
I remember one time, I was maybe 7 or 8, my dad and I took a truckload of apples to market in another town.
As soon as we got there, even as little as I was, I felt there was something real wrong in that town.
When I asked my dad about it, he said they'd lynched an innocent man there.
I was a lot older before I understood exactly what that meant.
Well, how're you doing, guys? What's the haps here? Nice girl.
Kind of reminds me of my sister.
Oh, I'm sorry, maybe you guys don't recognize me.
The name's Jackson, Andrew Jackson.
You may have seen my picture on the front of the 20-dollar bill? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I thought you'd understand.
Nice doing business with you guys.
Hello? Hello? Hola! Hi.
Hi.
Name's MacGyver.
I'm looking for a photographer by the name of Kate Connolly.
Her publisher said I might find her here.
Look, if I've come at an inconvenient time Who is this publisher? Arthur Prescott.
He hasn't heard from her in quite some time, and seeing how things are around here, he got worried enough To send you down here.
I'm supposed to believe that? Oh, hell, Diego, he's probably telling the truth.
I'm almost out of the soup.
Okay, you, come on in.
Senor, I am a terrible shot.
I might try to just wound you a little bit, so you be very careful.
I'm harmless.
Hi.
So your name's MacGyver, and you're harmless.
- What do you want? - It's what your publisher wants.
He wants you back home, safe and sound.
So he sent you? Well, none of his letters or phone calls worked.
You gotta admit, I'm a little better than a telegram.
Hey, that's Dave Ryerson.
He's not even supposed to be in this hemisphere unless he's in jail.
How do you know him? Oh, we met once before he was deported from the States.
Yeah? Oh, and Dave kind of blames me for that.
You may come in handy.
To your publisher, "handy" means getting you out of here.
I've got a big story cooking.
We've been digging for weeks, and I'm almost there.
Kate, your story could also help us get rid of a piece of human garbage from our government.
General Antonio Vasquez.
Oh, yeah, the army guy who runs the secret police.
I understand he has some big career moves in mind too.
He's got the men.
He just needs the arms.
And he's dealing for them.
Now.
With Ryerson and the crime syndicate? The deal's set for today and if When I get the pictures Look, I need the pictures.
So your job is to help me get into Ryerson's hacienda.
No, excuse me, ma'am, but my job is to get you out of the country.
MacGyver, you can do both.
We would be most grateful if you could help us.
Then we leave the country? Senor? You're going to need this.
Actually, I do much better without them.
Thanks.
Mind if I borrow something from your camera bag? - It depends what.
- Just that camera strap.
I need one with a plastic clip.
That wire's got enough juice in it to straighten your hair.
You'd be handy next time I lose my door key.
- You know, this place is none too - This spot's just fine.
- It's not the safest.
- Look, if you're nervous, why don't you wait on the other side of the wall while I take Hold it.
Hold it.
There's Ryerson.
Here comes Vasquez.
The deal's going down now.
- Great to see you! You look good.
- Yes, yes, and yourself too.
- Looks like you put on some weight.
- Right on time.
Yeah, yeah.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.
I understand you have some excellent things for me, huh? All right, now, here we are.
- Plenty more where this came from.
- An impressive display.
Looks like an army surplus store in there.
Perfect.
Ryerson is showing the general his sample case.
I can assure you my organization can guarantee delivery of all the light weapons in 30 days, general.
That's everything you needed, isn't it? And the tanks? Three months.
We're ready to start unlimited shipments to you.
Is it a deal? A very complex deal.
Very risky for both our futures.
Out of film.
Good.
It's time to get out of here.
I need one more shot.
The handshake.
But yes, it is a deal.
I'm an accredited correspondent, and you have no right to do this.
I haven't had the pleasure of meeting the lady before, general, but I'd like to introduce you to an old buddy of mine I've been hoping to run across again.
Welcome to our country, MacGyver.
Look, I'm warning you.
My newspaper knows where I am.
Yeah, so they sent Mother MacGyver here to get you out.
That is why you're here, isn't it, MacGyver? It might be that I'm working on getting you kicked out of this country too.
You know, I'm gonna enjoy your funeral.
Down here they make quite a fiesta out of things like that.
Lots of tequila, some dancing girls, may even shed a tear or two.
You have both won an invitation.
Don't you realize the chance you'd take harming us? - My newspaper would - Write a touching obituary.
Now I'll have the film.
- No.
- Come on! Now, let's not be dumb about this.
What do you say.
Getting sensible, MacGyver? Good.
- There you go.
I think it was that one.
- You can't! You know, Ryerson, now that the evidence is gone, there's probably no need to kill us.
There's no need at all, is there, general? You probably wouldn't mind if we just kind of moseyed on.
I want my cameras back.
Just give me the rest of the film and your other camera too.
Come on! Yeah, I think a little cooperation would go a long ways in this situation, don't you? - What is that stuff? - Plastique.
Silly putty with a bang.
Yeah! - Those photographs! - They'll never be published.
Better not, my friend, or we're both dead.
- The enemy's out there.
- But you have brought them to me! All right, so it went haywire! I was afraid something would go wrong.
It can be fixed.
With a little help from your army.
I can do the developing at the darkroom.
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
Hold it.
He really meant it, you know? Being the voice of truth.
- It was because of me that he - No.
It's because of the kind of man he was, Kate.
We'll get that film out.
I promise you.
MacGyver, every time something happens around here, they lock the airport down, troops pour all over every friendly embassy, roads are blocked.
Just look, this whole town's already under military guard.
Yep, that's right.
So we take the film out ourselves, across the border into Mexico.
That's more than 100 kilometres.
How are we even gonna get out of here? I've been thinking about that.
You mind if I borrow something? - What? - Oh, you don't need a bag for just one camera, do you? I can put this strap to good use.
I'll be back.
We need all the help we can get.
Be ready when I get back.
Ready for what? Back from where? - We're out of here.
- Are you crazy? They'll hear us.
Oh, that's not necessary.
What are you doing? I'm making a periscope.
- Compact.
- What? Compact! MacGyver.
Who is this friend of yours? This MacGyver? That was terrific! We made it.
Yeah.
But the border's still 100 kilometres.
And I know Ryerson.
He won't give up easy.
Hey, MacGyver, level with me.
Are we gonna make it? Well, we made it this far, didn't we? Somehow, I'm not reassured.
We'll stay on the main highway.
You work a search pattern heading north.
Check every road, every mule path! You know, when I woke up this morning, I had three very expensive cameras.
Well, at least you didn't wreck this one.
This is my lucky camera.
If anything happened to this baby, I'd die or kill.
- So where are you from, MacGyver? - Well, I started out in Minnesota.
Since then here, there, this place, that place.
Trouble with the law or itchy feet? Oh, a little of that.
Mostly I wanted to see how the world worked, meet people, learn how they're different, the same.
MacGyver, you are a romantic.
No, no.
Just a guy who Spotter plane.
Great.
Bus spotted heading north toward Garabuan.
Moving under cover.
- Lost visual contact.
- Faster! Hang on! That plane saw us! Slow down, MacGyver! You're messing up my shots! - Don't say it.
- I wasn't gonna say a thing.
We're sunk.
This is it.
There's no way we're gonna make it.
- Oh, it's not that bad.
- Oh, yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Please tell me how things could be worse.
You're right.
You convinced me.
We're in a lot of trouble.
- So how far are we from the border? - Oh, about ten miles.
So how are you gonna start a fire? Make lightning or rub two sticks together? Well, thought I'd use a match.
Oh, shucks, MacGyver.
I was looking forward to seeing some more of your Boy Scout stuff.
What was that? Sounds like supper to me.
Excuse me.
Well, trap worked.
- What's that? - I told you.
Supper.
MacGyver, you don't eat things like that.
You call pest control.
No, they taste an awful lot like chicken.
I don't care if they taste like beluga caviar, I am not eating lizard.
The very next dinner party I give, "Breast of lizard à la MacGyver.
" It's delicious.
You're a very unexpected man, MacGyver.
You keep me off balance.
- I'm sorry.
- No.
I think I think I like it.
Wanna share? That's quite an offer.
Is that a yes? Or no? They're not inside.
Then they're on foot.
Good.
Every time something else goes wrong, you say it is good.
If your soldiers had been on the ball at the plaza You are talking to a general.
Oh, I thought I was talking to my new partner.
But the border is less than ten miles to the north.
Look, general why don't you try keeping half of your troops back here, behind them, pushing them forward, so they can't double back.
There's only one road leading to the border, and we control it.
So they wanna cross the border, they have to come through here, to us.
So it's just a matter of time.
That's what you told me But if your plan fails, and they get through, I will not deport you.
I will destroy you.
Even if it's my last act in office.
What do you see? Two men with guns.
What do you see? Opportunity knocking.
You know, you could stand to lose a few pounds.
You rat.
Buenos dias, you guys! What's shaking? Name's MacGyver.
We're the ones you're looking for.
And, fellas, this here is your lucky day! Because you get to turn us in.
Listen, would you mind holding her? She weighs a ton.
All right, Connolly! Yes, yes! Now you're getting the hang of things.
My lucky camera.
It's wrecked.
Well, now, I bet you we can get it fixed about nine miles up that road.
I'm sorry.
Any time, MacGyver.
I like that kind of talk.
Come on.
- See anything? - No.
It's like we're the only people in the whole world.
Oh, I wouldn't count on it.
My guess is they're not more than an hour behind us.
We must be damn close to that border.
MacGyver, we are just about there.
We are there, Kate.
That's Mexico, right there, on the other side of that river.
What do you think? You know, I gotta admit, these two boys know what they're doing.
They got every approach to the border locked up tight.
There's just no going around them.
Well, I guess we're just gonna have to go through them.
Attack.
With what? That's a good question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's nothing they can do.
Nothing.
- Mexican Border Patrol.
- Let them watch.
They can keep score.
It's not great.
But it's not bad.
What are we gonna do, MacGyver? Start a war, I guess.
You make it sound so easy.
Just to keep me from thinking about how scared I am.
Continuing search, comandante.
- No sign of intruders.
- Keep searching.
They gotta be up there.
They gotta be.
Aeroplane reports nothing.
It's the first time I ever deliberately tried to overheat an engine.
Okay, we now have a lot of dirty oil.
- What's that do for the war effort? - The military calls it chemical fog.
Civilians get more to the point.
It's air pollution.
What does the MacGyver/Connolly team call it? A long shot.
Running low on fuel.
Returning to base.
I don't care if you're low on fuel.
Keep looking.
Here.
When this heats up, it ought to make some pretty good-looking smog.
Where are they? They can't just disappear like shadows.
Look, general, your troops are here and behind them.
Every exit sealed off.
You've done a good job.
Don't panic.
So you feel we have them.
Caught between us? I know it.
Either they come out our way, or they don't come out at all.
Smoke bombs, stink bombs, rolling bombs, juggernauts.
I feel like Rosie the Riveter in a jury-rigged bomb factory.
It's quite an inventory, but not much to be proud of though.
Hey, it has my approval.
How are we gonna get this darned thing across the river? Under their noses.
Spotter plane to command post.
Subjects are in section five and headed toward the border.
General, we got them! They're crazy.
And smart.
It's time to get our party started! All right! Watch for them now.
Watch for them! Shoot anything that moves! Okay, you ready? If things don't work out I'm really glad I got to know you.
Me too.
Let's go.
Forward! Up the hill! - Hang on, Connolly! - Hang on to what? Come on, Kate, swim.
There they are! Kill them! Shoot them! - MacGyver! - Shoot them! Welcome to Mexico.
Do you have anything to declare? Wise guy.
Well, David it's too late.
I always keep my promises.
I thought your camera was broken.
I fixed it, MacGyver style.