MacGyver (2016) s01e04 Episode Script

1 MacGYVER: Einstein said time is an illusion, that it can't truly be measured.
But I don't think Einstein was ever racing against the clock when a field op went sideways.
Hey! What the hell happened? We got made.
Oh, great, then I don't have to wear this anymore.
Damn thing itches like crazy.
Where's Mac? RILEY: Still upstairs.
He wouldn't leave until the virus finished uploading.
MacGYVER: Einstein spent years thinking about time.
The rest of us? - (gunshots) - We only think about time when it's running out.
(gunfire) But with baking soda, vinegar and a little agitation, you can buy yourself some more time.
(beeping) Jack, let's go! JACK: What about Mac?! He said no matter what happens, we go.
I don't care what he said, we're not leaving! We leave or we die.
We said 0400, Patti.
It still gives us, like, 15 seconds.
(thudding) - Drive! - You heard the man! (tires screeching) MacGYVER: Hey, guys.
We having a party? A really weird, awkward one? No.
We're all here because we love you and we're worried about you.
(chuckles) And what are we worried about? Just have a seat, Angus.
MacGYVER: That's Penny Parker.
First date.
First kiss.
Not a lot of ex-girlfriends you can still call a good friend years later.
- But she's one.
- Angus.
You're calling me that, it must not be good.
It's good.
It's all good.
It's just not good right this second.
Look, the reason we're all here is I got locked out of my Netflix account.
Again.
So, I went to borrow your computer and saw this.
(computer trilling) Nikki's dead, Mac.
She died in a car accident.
It was awful, but she's gone.
MacGYVER: Yeah, I deserved that look.
After all, I told Jack I stopped looking for Nikki.
BOZER: I mean, this search you're running is only making things more difficult.
MacGYVER: You're so right.
Hey, look, look, I know people deal with grief in different ways, all right, but what you're doing here, I mean, cyber-stalking a dead woman? Uh, this-this isn't healthy.
We're family, Mac.
That's why we're all here, to help you put the past in the past and move forward.
Come here.
Can't we just tell Bozer Nikki's still alive and that she turned out to be a dangerous psychopath and a huge threat to national security? No, because Thornton will have him thrown on a rendition flight.
Besides, look at this.
(chuckles): This intervention's way too fun.
O-Okay, guys, one voice at a time.
Jack, please tell Mac how this makes you feel.
Okay, um you know I love you and all that, but I'm gonna be straight with you.
Telling your friend that you've moved on while you're quietly running searches for Nikki behind his back's not a good look.
It's not a good way to go about your business.
Yeah, Mac, it's way unhealthy, man.
When you put your focus in the wrong place, it can affect your work, and that can have serious ramifications.
- JACK: I think - (phone beeps) I think Penny can back me up on this.
We're supposed to be straight with each other.
I feel a lot of love in this room.
- JACK: I do, too.
- PENNY: I hope you know this is a safe place to share, Angus, and that me and my years of training are here to help you.
You're a theater major.
With a minor in psychology.
Okay, now let's do some role-playing, and we'll I'm afraid this will have to wait.
I just realized that we have a department meeting in 15 minutes.
Right.
Um, sorry, buddy, got to go.
But thanks for everything.
Super helpful, by the way.
And I I can't wait to move on.
Hey, glad to hear, because I signed you up for a few dating sites, and there's some real talent - waiting to meet you.
- "Talent"? Oh, I-I was just trying to help my boy get over this delicate time in his life.
THORNTON: Agent Lee, what have we got? LEE: 18 minutes ago, we got a distress call from one of our agents, Carla Bannister.
She found Sevchenko? Sevchenko? THORNTON: Disgraced Russian colonel.
His family was very powerful under the Soviet Union.
They lost everything when the empire fell.
Since then, he's been trying to restart the Cold War.
So you're telling us this guy wants to go back to the USSR? Don't you dare start singing.
Don't keep secrets like a little girl.
Guys! Urgent situation here.
Read the room.
Agent Bannister has uncovered evidence that Sevchenko is assembling a private militia of ex-Russian military and former Spetsnaz soldiers.
So, all this talk of overthrowing the current Russian governments May be more than just talk.
Bannister's tracked Sevchenko to a storage facility west of Moscow.
She found something that you need to see.
Agent Bannister.
Yes, ma'am? What do you have? Proof Sevchenko is stockpiling weapons.
I knew we'd want an inventory, so I slipped in to do recon, and I found this.
It's reading high levels of radiation.
(Geiger counter clicking) JACK: Mm.
That's not a good sound.
Ma'am, I'd like permission to breach the housing.
Take a look at whatever's inside - before the colonel's men return.
- No, no.
That's too risky.
You need to get out of there now, let a field ops team take over.
We could be talking nuclear materials here Depleted uranium in the hands of a non-state actor.
I need to breach the lock now.
She's right, Mac.
Agent Bannister, can you get in there? Let me find something to pry the lid.
Ah, it won't work.
The crate may be old, but it's still military grade.
Can you get me a closer look at that? Huh.
What you're looking at there is a tubular lock.
Pinnacle of security in the 1960s, before it became a go-to lock for bicycles and thieves figured out how to hack it using a ballpoint pen.
Do you have a pen? No.
Didn't realize this was gonna be a written exam.
More like a pop quiz.
Your service weapon it's a Glock, nine millimeter, yeah? Okay.
Grab a bullet, pop out the slug, dump the powder, but keep the casing.
Same circumference as a ballpoint pen.
Okay, good.
Load the empty shell casing into your reserve clip backwards.
Good, now you have a wrench.
Work the casing into the tubular lock.
Gently increase the pressure.
Twisting while waiting for the (lock clicks) It worked.
Good job.
Oh, God.
What is that? That's definitely not depleted uranium.
No, it's not.
MacGYVER: That's a ten-megaton Soviet warhead.
(men shouting in Russian) Who are you?! I said, who are you?! - (gunshot) - JACK: No! (gunshot) THORNTON: Agent Bannister! Agent Bannister! Whoever you are you should have minded your own business.
(men shouting in Russian) SEVCHENKO: Who are you?! I said, who are you?! (gunshots) (monitor beeps) The man who murdered Carla is Vladimir Sevchenko, former Spetsnaz colonel Highly trained, highly dangerous and highly unpredictable.
Now this psycho has a nuclear weapon.
Because he knows 's exposed, we have to assume that he just accelerated his timeline.
One Russian nuke anywhere near American soil is enough for this guy to start a new Cold War.
Then we hunt him down before that happens.
We put Mac in front of that nuke, let him disarm it.
RILEY: That thing is seriously O.
G.
Can you do it? I don't know.
The Soviets had hundreds of secret programs the U.
S.
knew nothing about.
Parts of this nuke look familiar to me, but this control computer here has hardware I've never even seen.
It was custom built.
Fine, so if it's computers we're talking about, we put Riley in front of the bomb, have her hack it, and then it's cocktail time at TGIF.
Wh-What's the big deal here? I've never seen file name extensions like this before.
This operating system isn't just old, it's proprietary.
Maybe one of a kind.
I think we're looking at a Dead Hand device: a Soviet-era bomb designed to ensure if we ever took Moscow, Moscow took us.
Mutually assured destruction.
Blast takes out the city, makes an area the size of Texas uninhabitable.
(sighs) Wow.
These Soviets were really sore losers.
Yeah, what the hell? Didn't we sign a bunch of treaties to dismantle these things? What do you see, Mac? Riley, what does this say? "Zhar-ptitsa.
" It's Russian for "firebird.
" THORNTON: Firebird is the name of a rumored Soviet secret weapons program.
(typing) (monitor beeps) JACK: Huh.
That's a CIA debrief from a Soviet defection in 1971.
From a scientist who gave the U.
S.
intel on hundreds of Soviet weapons programs.
Firebird happened to be one of them.
THORNTON: Not just any scientist.
Alexander Orlov, Firebird's chief engineer.
If he programmed that bomb, he may be the only one who can tell us how to shut it down.
If he's still alive.
(typing) RILEY: He is.
In Northern Virginia.
THORNTON: Find Orlov.
Get whatever you need to shut down that bomb.
Meet me in Moscow.
Going in country alone? THORNTON: Agent Bannister was alone.
I recruited her.
She's my responsibility.
I'm gonna find Sevchenko.
And I'm gonna bring Agent Bannister home.
So, where exactly are we supposed to find this Russian super genius? GEORGE GRAY: Here it comes! From the Bob Barker Studio at CBS in Hollywood, it's The Price Is Right! (crowd cheering) Come on down! Come on down! Oh, hold it.
Not again.
Why? This is still America.
I have the freedom to watch what I want at the volume I want.
RILEY: Why do these places always smell the same? I don't smell anything.
Yeah, that's 'cause you already smell like an old man.
MacGYVER: Is this the most recent picture we have of him? He defected almost 50 years ago and has been laying low ever since.
It's not like he's posting selfies on Instagram.
That's the best picture we've got.
Unless you've been looking for him online without telling us or something.
MacGYVER: You want to do this right now? Well, you lied to me, buddy.
What can I say? RILEY: Guys, focus.
We need to find Orlov.
Spetsnaz.
Hey, I think that's him.
Not bad.
Oh, my God, he's an old you.
(Riley chuckles) Grandpa theft auto! Love this dude.
MacGYVER: The power cord on the door was a nice move.
And I truly respect anybody who can try and hot-wire a car with a steak knife, but I need to talk to you! Stay away from me, you KGB bastard! KGB? KGB was disbanded before I was even born! Dr.
Orlov, it's about Firebird.
Zhar-ptitsa! - Zhar-ptitsa? - Yes.
I need your help, or a lot of people are going to die.
This is a fusion reactor.
I wanted to give my country cheap power, but all the Kremlin wanted was more bombs.
I'm not a scientist anymore.
Just an old man scribbling on the walls.
Makes no difference.
But you can still make a difference.
But that is the reason I defected.
A weapon made for one purpose only: to make sure that if the Soviets lost, the whole world lost with us.
This is not a strategy, it's madness.
After Cold War, it was supposed to be decommissioned.
That's our job now.
RILEY: You created this programming language, right? Yeah.
Then I'm pretty sure you're the only one alive who can tell us how to shut down the bomb.
ORLOV: No, once device has been activated, knowing the language is only half of the equation.
You need the passwords.
Passwords? You can, like crack them or whatever, right? RILEY: On a 50-year-old machine with a custom O.
S.
Not likely.
Especially when one wrong answer equals a mushroom cloud.
Who has these passwords? Our side was so paranoid.
Scientists had different duties than spies.
Well, like you two, maybe.
You have the brains, yes? And you, I think not so much.
We need my handler, Viktor Levkin.
The man who ran the program.
He had clearance, and he alone knew the passwords to shut down the bomb.
Please tell me he's still alive.
Da.
We are the only two left.
Can you take us to him? I need a phone.
So where is this Viktor? We're kind of on a clock here.
How long will it take to get to him? (phone beeps) Hey, man, we have a car.
You don't need to call Uber, okay? Nyet.
Nyet! What are you? That's, like, three rides he's canceled.
This guy's killing my Uber score.
Why is he even using my phone in the first place? Because he will not come if he knows it's me.
Nyet! Refuse service! Refuse service! Whoa! I don't think so, dude.
What are you doing? Stop.
Stop it, seriously.
Stop! Are you out of your mind? I like your style, my man, but we're just talking here.
I will never talk to you, KGB pig! They are not KGB.
Like you'd tell me if they were! I should have known you would act like that.
You always act like that.
Always act like what?! Like what?! We haven't spoken since 1991! Like imbecile! This is what you do.
LEVKIN: You are the one who always fails to share mission-critical intelligence! Oh, it's Cuba, Cuba all over.
We agreed not to talk about Cuba! - Should we - It's like someone ran you two through a copy machine, but you came out all Russian and wrinkly.
- (shouts in Russian) - Enough! You two are the only ones who can stop a nuclear bomb.
And we're on the wrong side of the planet.
What is the right side of the planet? Mother Russia, how are you sleeping? Middle winter cold winds blow.
Jack.
RILEY: I second you never singing again.
Hey, for your information, that's a classic Iron Maiden, "Mother Russia.
" I swore I'd never go back.
(toilet flushes) That's three times now since we took off.
So what are you? Electrical engineer, a physicist, mechanic? A little bit of, uh, column A, - a little bit of column B.
- Ah.
One thing he's not is you.
If we're gonna take down the bomb, I need you to teach me your code.
So, your friend is brain and you are? Oh, yeah, yeah, well, I'm-I'm kind of the muscle.
You know, I get his back, we're a team.
Team? How many times you save his life? Well, honestly, he's probably saved mine more, added all up.
I remember that feeling.
Good feeling.
(scoffs) But it will pass.
(chuckles) Partnership is like marriage.
At first, everything is cute, like this.
Oh, no, that doesn't bother me.
Talk to me in 40 years.
(chuckles) That's how I know he's thinking.
But is he telling you everything he is thinking? (phone ringing) Thornton.
Mac reroute to Serbia.
That's where Sevchenko's taking the bomb.
I don't have the exact location yet but I know where to find his courier now.
Where are you getting this intel from? Let's just say I'm my mother's daughter.
You get Orlov? Yeah, he's here, on board, with a plus-one.
I'll catch you up in Serbia.
We need Cheget.
Wait, we need a what? Cheget.
Computer that talks to the bomb's computer.
Without Cheget, we can't tell it to turn it off.
Okay, we may need to make a quick pit stop.
Whatever you have to do, do it fast.
You were right.
Sevchenko plans to detonate that bomb in the next 24 hours.
(phone beeps) So we need something else now? Apparently, two grumpy old Russians aren't enough.
We also need a grumpy old computer.
It's beginning to feel like some weird, Cold War scavenger hunt.
So where do we get one of these Chuggernauts? ORLOV and EVKIN: Cheget.
Whatever.
You mean one of these? I killed 27 people to keep that secret, and now is on World Wide Web for whole world to see.
Even secrets get old, Viktor.
Okay, where do we get one? According to this, we don't.
They were destroyed when the Dead Hands were completed.
They didn't want anyone able to shut them down.
LEVKIN: Do not believe everything you read.
They were not all destroyed.
Safe house.
From KGB days.
You hide something well enough, even greedy capitalist like Putin can't find it.
ORLOV: Ah.
You still have it.
It was the right size to hide this.
That's us, 50 years ago.
You really kept one? But the orders were to destroy them all.
Sometimes orders are stupid.
So you had your doubts, too? Of course I had doubts.
Why didn't you tell me this before? You gave me no chance.
You defected without warning.
Left me behind.
Here you go.
Maybe don't look for your ex-girlfriend on this one.
We can't use this for anything yet.
Runs on Russian 240-volt A.
C.
, - if it runs at all.
- Oh, voltage.
We can't guarantee Sevchenko's gonna put the bomb near an outlet, so we need to figure out how to make this int a portable Cheget-book.
I'm gonna need your laptop battery for that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Nobody cracks my rig but me.
You can use my backup.
You carry around two computers? You carry a backup gun, don't you? And a backup to the backup.
Yes, ma'am.
I thought I'd never see this again.
Then again, I thought I'd never see Moscow again.
What made you decide to leave? I spent my life building bombs like Firebird, making them better, stronger.
I thought about nothing else.
When I watched test.
Not like other tests.
This one, we incinerate houses.
With sofas, with lamps, with mannequins for people eating dinner at the kitchen table.
And in a flash (imitates explosion) Everything gone.
And after this, I couldn't think of my work without thinking of my nephew having dinner with his parents at the kitchen table.
They would never let me stop making bombs, so I I had to defect.
I was a coward.
I was trying to run from something I made.
We-we are responsible for what we create.
But you never told Levkin what you were going through? Those old secrets cost me my country, my best friend.
(phone ringing) MacGYVER: Thornton, what's up? Are you ready? We're getting close.
I've got my eye on Sevchenko's courier.
And unless I've lost my touch, we should know the exact location of our bomb in a few minutes.
We'll be ready.
RILEY: Good job, Mac.
The Cheget is now a laptop.
(alarm buzzing) Perimeter alarm.
Spetsnaz.
USSR may be gone, but Soviets never forget an enemy.
They must have recognized us at the airport.
Get down! (gunfire) This way! In! In! Into the rabbit hole.
RILEY: What's a rabbit hole? JACK: As long as it's bulletproof, who cares? (men shouting in Russian) We must protect the Cheget.
Put it in here.
Jack.
Hold one on this.
JACK: What's with the flour, Mac? For when we run out of rabbit hole.
(pounding on door) LEVKIN: This way.
Let's go.
This way.
Faster, faster.
Unless this plan ends with me eating a thousand pancakes, I don't like it.
Perfect, keep shaking it out.
RILEY: Seriously, what's the flour for? MacGYVER: In a high concentration, the air and the flour are very flammable.
All right, Riley, go! - We good? - Yeah, go ahead.
(alarm rings) (explosion) Viktor, what happened? LEVKIN: They knew about the safe house and the tunnel.
Where's Orlov? They took him.
They took Alexei.
We can't stop the bomb without him.
Who can tell me how you manage to get the device and lose the only guy that knows how to use it? - They were waiting for us when we - There wasn't anything we could do.
It was my fault.
I failed Orlov.
JACK: This is Viktor Levkin.
- Former KG - THORNTON: KGB.
I saw his name in Orlov's debrief.
What's he doing here? He knows the passwords to disarm the bomb.
And he's the reason we have the Cheget.
He's also the only reason we have this.
Got it off the Spetsnaz who tried to kill us.
Sevchenko's men are communicating using encrypted phones.
And since this was made in my lifetime, I can hack it.
And now we have the encryption key.
Good.
Crack this.
I took this off Sevchenko's courier.
It's been giving our techs back at Phoenix fits.
Okay.
I've got exfil instructions for friendlies, blast radius, minimum safe distance and GPS coordinates.
The location of Sevchenko's target.
JACK: That is Camp Bondsteel, U.
S.
Army base outside of Kosovo.
Sevchenko just sent this? He's telling his people to get clear.
He's going to detonate the bomb today.
SEVCHENKO: Dr.
Orlov.
Say hello to your child.
Locked away for over half a century.
Now free to fulfill its destiny.
It is a masterpiece.
And you are an artist.
I am here to commission your next great works.
I want you to build me more.
The hell I will.
But this is the only reason you're still alive.
Hmm? I've been amassing uranium for years.
We are finally going to do what the Soviet Union should have done long ago: not just restart the Cold War, but finish it.
And this time, Russia will win.
You are insane.
I'd rather die than help you.
I've always enjoyed a challenge, Doctor.
The base is on high alert.
All nonessentials are being evacuated.
EOD is gonna do another sweep, but they're saying that nuke isn't there.
Wait, Firebird isn't a scalpel, it's a sledgehammer.
Just because the base is the target doesn't mean that the bomb is physically there.
I'm pulling up satellite imagery of the area.
We're looking for anything within the blast radius, about three klicks in every direction around the base.
Hold on, wait a minute.
Look at that factory.
It may be overgrown and abandoned, but check out that dirt.
Those are fresh tire treads right there, man.
That's got to be where Sevchenko is.
Either this is it or we've run across a Spetsnaz convention.
JACK: The crate's empty.
That bomb must be in the building.
It'll be on the top floor.
Elevation will maximize blast radius.
LEVKIN: They must have brought Orlov here with the bomb.
We move now.
Whoa, whoa, hang on, now.
I appreciate your enthusiasm, Viktor, I really do, but we can't exactly go walking in the front door, can we, Mac? No.
But we can drive.
(grunts) I'll never (grunts) help you.
Oh, but you will.
We are going to bring Russia back to greatness.
Or I will wipe your entire family off the face of the Earth.
I see your nephew lives in Novgorod with his wife and three daughters.
You bastard.
Pack up.
We're taking good doctor with us while he considers his options.
15 minutes until minimum safe distance, gentlemen.
Let's be on our way.
(gunfire outside) (tires screeching) (men shouting in Russian) (gunfire continues) (men shouting in Russian) RILEY: I got Orlov and the bomb.
It's counting down.
He's not gonna last long out there, Mac.
I know.
We got company.
Nicely done.
Thanks.
Did you just Donkey Kong those two guys? - Yeah.
- That was awesome.
- Pull that when I tell you.
- Okay.
(grunts) Now! (grunts) (muffled grunting) S-Sevchenko must not escape.
He has material for more bombs! Colonel, we need ten minutes to get out of the blast zone.
If we don't leave now, we'll never make it.
(gasps) Ladies first.
Alexei.
MacGYVER: The biggest problem with time is that you never make more of it, which is fine when everything's going your way.
But let's be honest, when does that ever happen? Uh, Mac we got a problem here.
This keyboard's toast.
I cannot stop the bomb if I can't talk to the computer.
Hey, how we doing, Mac? Not as smooth as I'd like.
Well, I totally believe in you, 'cause, well, you know, if you blow it, we're all dead.
No big deal.
So, no pressure.
MacGYVER: Computer keyboards are actually pretty simple.
Pressing a key completes an electrical circuit.
If you're missing some keys, you can use pretty much any other object.
A bolt, a hook, a gear The keyboard doesn't know the difference, as long as it completes the circuit.
So, by attaching one wire to each of my new keys and another wire to my old Russian scientist, his touch sends the right signal and your computer thinks it's whole again.
Bolt, hook, gear.
Each is now a key.
Your body is the ground, so when you touch them My body completes the circuit, and I become one - with my creation.
- Exactly.
(Cheget beeping) (gun cocks) (grunts) Viktor! I'm almost out.
Make it count.
I need you to cover me.
I thought having a corner office made you soft.
(grunts) (groaning) - Don't move.
- You don't understand.
If we don't clear the blast zone, we all die.
LEVKIN: The password is (speaks Russian) This computer is too old.
Commands are taking forever to execute, and we don't have enough time.
(sighs) When you wrote this, how many digits did you use - for the year? - Two.
Nobody thought that those weapons would last that long.
The Y2K glitch Maybe we can use that here.
Computers always need to know what time it is.
And with a two digit year, resetting the clock convinces it that it's 1916, not 2016.
And you've just bought yourself 100 years.
(laughs) Didn't know how to handle the turn of the century, huh? (sighs) Viktor.
We did it.
We did it! Viktor we need to get you a doctor.
We need to get him a doctor right now.
No there is no time.
Just listen, my old friend.
I wasn't angry at you for leaving Russia.
I was hurt because you didn't trust me enough to tell me your plan.
I would have gone with you.
I wanted to protect you, Viktor.
That was always my job.
Viktor? Viktor? (indistinct radio chatter) Yeah, I'm really sorry about Viktor, man.
He was a good dude.
I liked him.
Yeah, he was.
About Nikki I told you I stopped looking for her and I lied.
- You know that.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
But I did that 'cause I didn't want you worrying about it.
Worrying about you is my job, man.
And I know certain things are off-limits, but when it comes to stuff that's work-related, I mean I'm done with Nikki.
She's somebody else's problem now.
All right, all right, that's good to hear.
No more secrets from now on.
Hey, well, if that's true I'm just gonna say it.
What? Your fashion sense it's-it's terrible.
What? Uh, wh how wh-why is this coming up? I'm just, I'm just saying do you get dressed in the dark or something? (both laugh) Okay.
You know what, since we are being honest, I hate your singing.
Always have.
You're terrible.
You butcher Iron Maiden.
Butchered Iron Maiden? Well, I'll have you know that I'm the karaoke champion in, like, four states.
(laughing): Who even decides? All right, yeah, prove it.
Uh (clears throat) (humming "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa) Not here.
Salt-N-Pepa's here, and we're in effect Want you to push it, babe Coolin' by day, but at night workin' up a sweat (hums) Now push it (hums) P-Push it real good Watch the feet.
What did "Salt and Pepper" ever do to you? Ah, ah, ah.
It's "Salt-N-Pepa.
" (laughs) You're a terrible dancer.
Four states.
Ooh, baby, baby Baby, baby Ooh, baby, baby RILEY: Here we are.
Home sweet home.
Please, uh, say thank you to your friends.
Hey, don't think we won't be calling you next time we need a Russian genius to solve a problem.
I'd like that.
(chuckles) Ah, my chair.
Mm-hmm.
My TV.
(sighs) Hey, is that The Price Is Right? You like The Price Is Right? Uh, hello.
It's my favorite.
You mind if I watch with you? I'd like that.
(chuckles) Let's make it a little louder.
GEORGE GRAY: Here are the first four contestants, as we kick off season 43 of The Price Is Right! And now here's your host, Drew Carey! THORNTON: Agent Bannister.
What do you have? - Who are you?! - (gunshot) It's not your fault.
You know that, right? I could have listened to Mac.
I could have had field ops open the box.
And now I have to tell parents that their daughter is dead because of a decision I made.
It's a decision that saved millions of lives.
Yeah, maybe.
But it doesn't make knocking on that door any easier.
No.
No, it doesn't.