Mad (2010) s01e04 Episode Script
Star Blecch & uGlee
Mad! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! "USS Kelvin," Èi-am omorât cÄpitanul Èi ti-am condus lÄsat nava sÄ coboare spre distrugere.
S-o facem.
Iubire, Isunt în mijlocul unei probleme.
But I'm about to deliver our baby! - Uhh! - Aah! - Uhh! [Baby cries.]
Whew.
Last time I eat Romulan for lunch.
The ship's gonna crash.
Oh! No, no, no, no! You have to make it.
Don't know if I can.
It's out of control.
Say good-bye to our son for me.
I'll send you his picture.
I did it! I regained control of the ship.
I'm alive! [Cell phone chirps.]
[Record scratches.]
The heck I am.
Hi.
I'm James T.
Jerk.
I'm Abora.
[Yawns.]
You're telling me.
This jerk needs to be taught a lesson.
For yawning? No, for stealing the bar scene from "Star Wars.
" Uhh! [Grunting.]
That's enough.
Uhh! You should be in starfleet instead of a bar, young man.
Why? Look where it got my father.
Your father was the Captain of a star ship for 12 minutes.
Granted he was on the toilet for 10 of those, but I dare you to do better.
Well, then, pass me those nachos.
[Toilet flushes.]
Whew.
That was for you, dad.
Welcome to star fleet.
This is Slackoff.
[Snoring.]
- Mr.
Toodaloo.
- Too-da-loo.
- And I am Captain - Schlock! I finally found you.
And now I will destroy your home planet with my drill.
It can do that? That's not all it can do.
Order now and we'll throw in this destructive red goo.
That's the drill and the red goo for just 19.
99.
Plus, order in the next 5 minutes, and we'll also throw in this free oven mitt.
Got to destroy that drill.
I've got to save my family.
I gotta get that oven mitt.
[Snoring.]
- Energize.
- Too-da-loo.
Schlock.
Mother, father, no time to explain.
This planet is going to explode.
So's your mother.
She had Romulan for lunch again.
[Flatulence, watch beeping.]
Ugh, I should hit the toilet again before we go.
No! Oh, I feel so much better.
Hey, I stopped the drill.
Did you save your mo Don't say it or I will kick you off this ship.
Mum's the word.
Vulcan idiot.
[Roaring.]
Aah! I gotta work on my greetings.
Uhh! Ben Kenobi? I am Schlock from the future.
Zero marooned me here, forced to witness a most unspeakable act.
The destruction of your planet? No, the rest of this movie on DVD.
Luckily, I think I found a way off this snow cone.
Uh, little help anyone? I thought I kicked you off this ship.
Yeah, but someone old and wise said I'm supposed to be the Captain.
Was it future Schlock? No, it was Gene Roddenberry, the guy who created "Star Blecch," you moron.
Now, move over.
Schlock! Ugh.
Doesn't this TV get any other channels? Beauty tips with Megan Fo Oh, good, "Ben Ten.
" Schlock! This is illogical.
That I continue to stalk you? No, that anyone can follow the plot of this movie.
We've already stolen so much from "Star Wars," let's just steal the ending, too.
She's all yours, kid.
Now, let's blow this thing and go home.
["Star Wars" theme playing.]
Yahoo! Wow.
This mission has aged the crap out of me.
I am not a mirror, I am you from the future.
Did you come back to wish me luck? No, to get my money back.
This DVD sucks.
Slackoff, give him his money back.
Mr.
Toodaloo, warp speed.
Too-da-loo! [Grunting.]
Are we out of cheese again? Ugh.
I forgot to put it on the list.
How does that still need to be written on a list? [Laughter.]
It's that time of year again when the undead come out looking for Great deals on school clothes.
So, head to Aberzombie and Stitch, the clothing store with tons of gore.
Where everything is half off.
Need a cool outfit for stumbling around at a dance? Our jeans aren't just distressed, they're deceased.
And check out these scarves.
But you'll have to move faster than that, 'cause this sale only lasts a day, a night, and a dawn.
Aberzombie and Stitch.
It doesn't take brains to know it's the best place to shop.
[Woman screams.]
Mad Aah! You love the characters from "Toy Story 3," but here are some rejected ones.
Speak and swear.
How do you spell "house"? How the [bleep.]
should I know? Mr.
Couch Potato Head.
[Yawns.]
You guys rescue buzz.
- Baby never stops crying.
- [wailing.]
If we don't find Andy before tonight I'm sorry, this is just Does he really need to be here? Biz the friendly fax.
What are we gonna do, Biz? [Static.]
And private space.
Ah! I need a personal perimeter of 5 feet by 5 feet.
"Toy Story 3," so many characters.
But not these.
[Baby wails, static.]
Yep, you got dinges.
Mad! Good morning, subscribers.
Gossip Hurl here.
Your one and only source for nauseating news about Manhattan's ill-ite.
This week's top stories Squeamy Vanderguy returned to town, only to eat a bad piece of tuna at Laurie Green's reception.
When Claney Feverpot saw this, she spewed chunks into the punch bowl, spoiling the rest of it for everyone.
When she heard her party was ruined, Laurie didn't take the news so well.
And when something that juicy gets out, everyone gets involved.
[Indistinct whispering.]
Gossip Hurl.
Your one-stop barf blog.
[Flatline.]
But if we clap real hard, she'll come back to life, right? Right? And now it's time for "Beauty Tips with Megan Fox.
" Hi, I'm Megan Fox.
Are you happy with your looks? Well, you shouldn't be.
But if you take my advice, you'll be so beautiful no one will believe it.
First, always use a shade of eyeliner that compliments your skin tone.
Not dark enough? Then use your laser finger to burn it a shade darker.
[Sizzling.]
Want to draw more attention to your lips? Just open up your wrist access panel and set the air pressure to a safe 2.
5.
It's that easy.
And for those special occasions, sometimes a whole new look is in order.
That should get heads turning.
Turning, turning.
Turning, turning.
[Robotic voice.]
Destroy all humans.
Destroy all humans.
Destroy all humans.
[Electricity zapping.]
[Beep.]
Hi, I'm Megan.
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan.
Schlock! This has been "Beauty Tips with Megan Fox.
" Mad.
[Telephone rings.]
[Ring.]
Yellow? Hmm.
Looks like somebody got caller ID.
[Laughter.]
[Cackles.]
[Cackles.]
Aah! Ohh! Ohh! It's time for everyone's favorite game No, it's not.
Can you guess what this is? Do you think it's chicken? Is it a fish? No.
It's snot.
Thanks for playing.
[Gurgling.]
I'm afraid there's no money in the budget for Glee club.
How can you be so sure? Well, for starters, we're using the cheerleaders as chairs now.
Ugh.
How can my group compete with screamios? They can't.
My girls are beautiful, and they're invulnerable.
I think you're confusing them with the cheerleader from "Heroes.
" An easy mistake.
They're both popular, and they both bring in the crowds.
Unlike your pile of Don't say it! We don't have enough money in the budget for a sensor, either.
Too bad, because they are uh Glee Oh, yeah? You'll see.
We'll bring in the crowd the same way all those other teen shows do it.
What's that? [Choir vocalizing.]
Just some high school squares some jocks, some girls, one's in a chair trying hard to stay on key dodging red slushies she hates germs they're told to spy not quite sure if that's a guy [belches.]
But no matter what it's called it's a lot like "high school musical" singing in high school seems to be the thing that's cool so we'll do it, too, this makes us show number 5 aah the Jonas brothers sang ohh Hannah Montana croons "Victorious" is filled with tunes it's cheap and plain we're all just copying "Fame" singing in high school seems to be the only rule forget pot who are we trying to fool? no need for originality this hairstyle's from '83 and this gesture is our sole choreography it's all schmuck What do you think? Can glee stay? I don't know.
There wasn't enough money
S-o facem.
Iubire, Isunt în mijlocul unei probleme.
But I'm about to deliver our baby! - Uhh! - Aah! - Uhh! [Baby cries.]
Whew.
Last time I eat Romulan for lunch.
The ship's gonna crash.
Oh! No, no, no, no! You have to make it.
Don't know if I can.
It's out of control.
Say good-bye to our son for me.
I'll send you his picture.
I did it! I regained control of the ship.
I'm alive! [Cell phone chirps.]
[Record scratches.]
The heck I am.
Hi.
I'm James T.
Jerk.
I'm Abora.
[Yawns.]
You're telling me.
This jerk needs to be taught a lesson.
For yawning? No, for stealing the bar scene from "Star Wars.
" Uhh! [Grunting.]
That's enough.
Uhh! You should be in starfleet instead of a bar, young man.
Why? Look where it got my father.
Your father was the Captain of a star ship for 12 minutes.
Granted he was on the toilet for 10 of those, but I dare you to do better.
Well, then, pass me those nachos.
[Toilet flushes.]
Whew.
That was for you, dad.
Welcome to star fleet.
This is Slackoff.
[Snoring.]
- Mr.
Toodaloo.
- Too-da-loo.
- And I am Captain - Schlock! I finally found you.
And now I will destroy your home planet with my drill.
It can do that? That's not all it can do.
Order now and we'll throw in this destructive red goo.
That's the drill and the red goo for just 19.
99.
Plus, order in the next 5 minutes, and we'll also throw in this free oven mitt.
Got to destroy that drill.
I've got to save my family.
I gotta get that oven mitt.
[Snoring.]
- Energize.
- Too-da-loo.
Schlock.
Mother, father, no time to explain.
This planet is going to explode.
So's your mother.
She had Romulan for lunch again.
[Flatulence, watch beeping.]
Ugh, I should hit the toilet again before we go.
No! Oh, I feel so much better.
Hey, I stopped the drill.
Did you save your mo Don't say it or I will kick you off this ship.
Mum's the word.
Vulcan idiot.
[Roaring.]
Aah! I gotta work on my greetings.
Uhh! Ben Kenobi? I am Schlock from the future.
Zero marooned me here, forced to witness a most unspeakable act.
The destruction of your planet? No, the rest of this movie on DVD.
Luckily, I think I found a way off this snow cone.
Uh, little help anyone? I thought I kicked you off this ship.
Yeah, but someone old and wise said I'm supposed to be the Captain.
Was it future Schlock? No, it was Gene Roddenberry, the guy who created "Star Blecch," you moron.
Now, move over.
Schlock! Ugh.
Doesn't this TV get any other channels? Beauty tips with Megan Fo Oh, good, "Ben Ten.
" Schlock! This is illogical.
That I continue to stalk you? No, that anyone can follow the plot of this movie.
We've already stolen so much from "Star Wars," let's just steal the ending, too.
She's all yours, kid.
Now, let's blow this thing and go home.
["Star Wars" theme playing.]
Yahoo! Wow.
This mission has aged the crap out of me.
I am not a mirror, I am you from the future.
Did you come back to wish me luck? No, to get my money back.
This DVD sucks.
Slackoff, give him his money back.
Mr.
Toodaloo, warp speed.
Too-da-loo! [Grunting.]
Are we out of cheese again? Ugh.
I forgot to put it on the list.
How does that still need to be written on a list? [Laughter.]
It's that time of year again when the undead come out looking for Great deals on school clothes.
So, head to Aberzombie and Stitch, the clothing store with tons of gore.
Where everything is half off.
Need a cool outfit for stumbling around at a dance? Our jeans aren't just distressed, they're deceased.
And check out these scarves.
But you'll have to move faster than that, 'cause this sale only lasts a day, a night, and a dawn.
Aberzombie and Stitch.
It doesn't take brains to know it's the best place to shop.
[Woman screams.]
Mad Aah! You love the characters from "Toy Story 3," but here are some rejected ones.
Speak and swear.
How do you spell "house"? How the [bleep.]
should I know? Mr.
Couch Potato Head.
[Yawns.]
You guys rescue buzz.
- Baby never stops crying.
- [wailing.]
If we don't find Andy before tonight I'm sorry, this is just Does he really need to be here? Biz the friendly fax.
What are we gonna do, Biz? [Static.]
And private space.
Ah! I need a personal perimeter of 5 feet by 5 feet.
"Toy Story 3," so many characters.
But not these.
[Baby wails, static.]
Yep, you got dinges.
Mad! Good morning, subscribers.
Gossip Hurl here.
Your one and only source for nauseating news about Manhattan's ill-ite.
This week's top stories Squeamy Vanderguy returned to town, only to eat a bad piece of tuna at Laurie Green's reception.
When Claney Feverpot saw this, she spewed chunks into the punch bowl, spoiling the rest of it for everyone.
When she heard her party was ruined, Laurie didn't take the news so well.
And when something that juicy gets out, everyone gets involved.
[Indistinct whispering.]
Gossip Hurl.
Your one-stop barf blog.
[Flatline.]
But if we clap real hard, she'll come back to life, right? Right? And now it's time for "Beauty Tips with Megan Fox.
" Hi, I'm Megan Fox.
Are you happy with your looks? Well, you shouldn't be.
But if you take my advice, you'll be so beautiful no one will believe it.
First, always use a shade of eyeliner that compliments your skin tone.
Not dark enough? Then use your laser finger to burn it a shade darker.
[Sizzling.]
Want to draw more attention to your lips? Just open up your wrist access panel and set the air pressure to a safe 2.
5.
It's that easy.
And for those special occasions, sometimes a whole new look is in order.
That should get heads turning.
Turning, turning.
Turning, turning.
[Robotic voice.]
Destroy all humans.
Destroy all humans.
Destroy all humans.
[Electricity zapping.]
[Beep.]
Hi, I'm Megan.
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan.
Schlock! This has been "Beauty Tips with Megan Fox.
" Mad.
[Telephone rings.]
[Ring.]
Yellow? Hmm.
Looks like somebody got caller ID.
[Laughter.]
[Cackles.]
[Cackles.]
Aah! Ohh! Ohh! It's time for everyone's favorite game No, it's not.
Can you guess what this is? Do you think it's chicken? Is it a fish? No.
It's snot.
Thanks for playing.
[Gurgling.]
I'm afraid there's no money in the budget for Glee club.
How can you be so sure? Well, for starters, we're using the cheerleaders as chairs now.
Ugh.
How can my group compete with screamios? They can't.
My girls are beautiful, and they're invulnerable.
I think you're confusing them with the cheerleader from "Heroes.
" An easy mistake.
They're both popular, and they both bring in the crowds.
Unlike your pile of Don't say it! We don't have enough money in the budget for a sensor, either.
Too bad, because they are uh Glee Oh, yeah? You'll see.
We'll bring in the crowd the same way all those other teen shows do it.
What's that? [Choir vocalizing.]
Just some high school squares some jocks, some girls, one's in a chair trying hard to stay on key dodging red slushies she hates germs they're told to spy not quite sure if that's a guy [belches.]
But no matter what it's called it's a lot like "high school musical" singing in high school seems to be the thing that's cool so we'll do it, too, this makes us show number 5 aah the Jonas brothers sang ohh Hannah Montana croons "Victorious" is filled with tunes it's cheap and plain we're all just copying "Fame" singing in high school seems to be the only rule forget pot who are we trying to fool? no need for originality this hairstyle's from '83 and this gesture is our sole choreography it's all schmuck What do you think? Can glee stay? I don't know.
There wasn't enough money