Marvin, Marvin (2012) s01e04 Episode Script

Oh Ugh.
Oh! Marvin! What are you doing? Eating yogurt.
Oh, but that has moldy blue fuzz in it.
Moldy blue fuzz is my favorite flavor! Oh, no! Honey, you can't, 'cause this is way past its expiration date.
See, it says right here it expired in July of 2009.
Yuck.
What does expired mean? Well, it means it's not good anymore.
It's old.
So we throw it out.
Mmkay.
Farewell, fuzzy friend.
Good morning, everybody.
Oh, hey, dad.
Can you take the trash out for me? Oh, my back, it's been acting up.
You've been trying that scam for 20 years.
Eh, guilty.
- I got it.
- Okay.
- I got to get going.
- Hey, Jar jar, you seen my wallet? - I'll help you look for it.
- All right.
I'm gonna go look by the hammock.
Oh, Pop-Pop, I found it! I'll bring it to you.
Hmm, what's this? Pop-Pop's drivers license? Height, weight, expiration date? Pop-Pop has an expiration date? Oh, no, it's in two days.
We're gonna have to throw him away! We're gonna need a bigger trash can.
This is my home planet, Klooton.
These are the Klerg.
They hate Klooton.
To protect me, my parents sent me away while they stayed to fight the Klerg.
Eat it, Klerg! I landed on earth and took the form of a human.
At first, I was scared.
Fortunately, I met a very nice family.
Hello, I'm Marvin! That's how we greet people on Klooton.
It's very polite.
They agreed to raise me like their own son until the Klerg were defeated.
Now I'm living a secret life as a normal American kid.
And you can barely tell I'm different.
Come on.
Having a hard time with that? Yeah, I must have forgotten my combination.
Let me give it a try.
How'd you do that? It's my locker.
I'm new here.
My name's Alex.
I'm old here.
My name's Teri.
Oh, you got one of those phones? Oh, I'm into retro.
I know.
It's totally dorky.
Hello? Is totally dorky there? Speaking.
Would you like to go out Saturday night? I'm sorry.
You're breaking up.
I'm kidding.
I heard everything.
That'd be great.
Cool, I'll make a plan.
Call me.
Is what just happened what I think just happened? Yes! I can't believe it.
A cute normal boy asked me out.
I can't believe it either.
I brought you some warm chocolate chip cookies and a glass of cold cow discharge.
Oh, that looks good.
Yeah.
Hey, if you want money, I don't have any.
I don't want money.
I just want you to be happy.
In two days, you'll be all blue and fuzzy, and we'll have to throw you in the garbage.
Garbage? Yeah, I mean, your ears are fuzzy and You're already starting to smell, because it's two days away from your expiration date.
Expiration date? What are you talking about? I saw it on your license, Pop-Pop.
Oh.
So before we have to throw you out, I want to make your last days great.
That's not what and expiration date means I'll take you places, make you treats, but first, a klootonian back rub.
Marvin, listen, and expiration date means that the license Oh, ho.
Oh, oh.
That really hits the spot.
What were you saying about Oh, nothing, nothing.
It's it's so sad.
But but that feels really good, almost made me forget that I'm about to expire.
I remembered again.
Oh.
A little lower.
Ooh.
I can't figure out what to wear on my date with Alex.
I have the worst fashion block.
Hold on.
What are you doing? Visualizing the perfect outfit.
It's coming to me.
Soft pink hoodie, dove gray cami, khakis, and a hint of bronzer.
Wow, you nailed it.
Thanks.
- It's decided.
- Or Sky blue polo, lace mini, and flip-flops for a touch of whimsy.
Even better! It's decided.
Or I was thinking Okay, no more choices.
I'm sorry.
I can't make it stop.
It's a gift and a curse.
Oh, no.
It's Alex.
I can't talk to him, or I'll say something stupid.
I'm going to the bathroom.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Are those kale chips? I love those.
Really? Yeah, I'm I'm a vegan.
Oh, there's a great new vegan restaurant that opened downtown.
You could bring Teri there.
Teri? I'd rather bring you.
You want to go sometime? I You Uh I'll take that as a yes.
Did he say anything? Did he ask about me? What's wrong? He just asked me out.
What? Are you serious? Yes! What a jerk! What a cute jerk! I can't believe this.
And the worst part is, in the bathroom, I came up with the perfect outfit: navy dress, peach sweater, and pale blue flats.
Isn't that what you're wearing now? Are you saying I don't look perfect? No, you look perfect.
Come on, Marvin.
Keep those knees up.
We're almost home.
What a great day.
I always wanted to see the top of that Mountain.
I'm so thirsty.
Oh, thank you.
Oh! It's not for you.
I just want you to hit it with the cold finger.
What fun is a smoothie if it's not frozen? Anything for you, Pop-Pop.
Thanks, astronaut.
I'm gonna go watch a football game.
Hey, hold on there.
Just about time for kickoff.
Dream on, fossil.
I was here first.
Oh.
But, Henry, don't you realize Pop-Pop is about to Hey! Ahem! Marvin.
Henry doesn't know about the whole expiration thing, okay? I-I don't want to bring him down.
- I understand, Pop-Pop.
- Yeah-whoa.
Hey, whoa, whoa.
They'll be plenty of time to rest once I'm expired.
You know what? I feel like a nice hot bath.
But what about the game? I'd like to watch it in the tub.
Make it happen, Marvin.
Hey, what are you doing? Someday soon, you'll understand.
- Well, two days soon.
- How could Alex do that to us? I know! We're best friends.
Does he think he's going to date both of us at the same time? He's not even that cute.
Okay, he's gorgeous.
But I hate him.
Guy sounds like a real jerkwad.
Have you considered revenge? Because I can help.
What's it gonna cost us? $20 in arcade tokens.
Sounds high.
My work is impeccable.
I have 140 positive reviews online.
Mm.
We're in.
Oh, just one thing.
Why arcade tokens? Because they're untraceable.
And because I'm a kid.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's grandpa's expiration day.
These are the last eggs I'll ever make him.
Last toast.
Last bacon.
- Hey, good morning, Marvin.
- How'd you sleep last night? Don't say last night! Wow.
You okay, buddy? I'm just worried about Uh I'm just worried about this bacon.
I mean, at first I thought it was tough and salty - with a smell I couldn't get used to, but - Sounds kind of like grandpa.
- No! - No.
- No, it's the bacon.
- Yeah.
I mean, it's gonna expire soon, which means we have to throw it out, and that makes me sad! Wow! I had no idea you really liked bacon this much.
It's okay.
You know what? We don't have to throw it out.
Just freeze it.
That way, it'll last a lot longer.
Hey, Spock, where's my bacon? You're my bacon.
What are you doing? I don't want you to expire, Pop-Pop.
But I'm so c-c-co Cool.
Ungh.
Really cool.
Now we'll be able to play catch forever.
What are you doing? D-did you freeze grandpa? Yes, I did.
Why? Pop-Pop said he was expiring today, so I froze him to keep him fresh.
That makes no sense.
Ever since I left Klooton, Pop-Pop's been the only grandpa I've got.
I used to have 230, but I lost them all in the grandpa wars.
Okay, that makes even less sense.
Do you think I'm gonna get in trouble? Are you kidding? They'll send you back to Klooton.
Oh, klergs in a bucket! You got to fix this immediately.
Okay, I'll just fire up my hot finger! It's not working right now! I must have used up too much energy while freezing him.
It must recharge.
How long will that take? Who knows? I've never frozen an old humanoid.
Well, we better hide him, 'cause mom and dad are almost back from their run.
In the grandpa wars, all the grandpas had to hide too.
But the grandmas got them anyway.
- Hurry up.
- I'm trying.
Come on, Liz.
Finish strong.
Oh, no, we're busted! Not yet.
- You call that a workout? - Whoa! - That is not a workout.
- What? No, Marvin, we just ran 2 miles.
And your torso's not any smaller.
Now, come on.
Follow after me.
One, two, three, and four.
Okay, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but something's definitely burning.
- Come on, Liz.
- Okay.
That's it! Feel the burn.
Push it! Go, go, go! Go, go, go! No! Go, go, go! Run 2 more Miles.
Okay! Go, go, go! Man, I thought grandpa was fat before he was frozen.
- Ooh.
- Henry! Open up.
We're here for our revenge consultation.
Be right there! Quick, let's get him into the bathroom.
Okay.
Okay, go get a bunch of super hot stuff to help melt grandpa.
Okay.
Got it.
Super hot.
Super hot? Thanks, Marvin.
I am on a roll this week.
Okay, ladies.
Let's get down to business.
But first, there's the issue of my payment.
Of course.
Feels right.
Now, step into my office.
Voila.
What I have here is a replica of the school hallway.
This is Alex.
This is what we paid 20 bucks for? It's nonrefundable.
Shall I continue? This is you guys.
- Since when do we look alike? - And have mustaches? The plan is you guys are here.
And you stand by and make sure nobody else gets to that locker.
As soon as Alex opens up his locker door, boom! - Surprise, pretty boy.
- That's what we paid 20 bucks for.
And we can customize your experience with a fragrance.
Here's some of the smells we are currently offering.
Rotten egg, dead fish.
Goat butt? That's my best seller.
I got it.
Marvin, when I said "hot stuff," I didn't mean hot sauce.
Oh, well Maybe I can use this to recharge my hot finger.
Ugh.
Still not working, but my tongue is on fire! It's working! It's working.
Hey, as long as the TV's here, we might as well watch something.
Oh.
Oh, no, this is the worst time for an eclipse! No, Marvin, we blew a fuse.
- Well - Hey, are you guys okay? Uh, yeah, we were just, uh, like - Dad? - Dad.
And to think I compared him to bacon.
It's not your fault, Marvin, okay? This never would have happened if grandpa didn't trick you.
Ooh, I'm just so angry.
I mean, I can't believe he'd do something like this.
Really? I can.
When I was a kid, he used to tell every restaurant it was my birthday so that he could get a free piece of cake for himself.
And I got nothing.
Ow.
Hey, my hot finger's working again.
Okay, Pop-Pop, prepare for some very harsh words.
Might even call you silly.
Okay, I think it's gonna call for a little something stronger than harsh words.
You mean like put a spore in his brain or feed him to a lava monster? He's talking about revenge.
And I'm the man for the job.
Yeah, let's do it.
Then it's settled.
The old man is going down.
And this one is on me.
Feels right.
I can't wait to see his face when he opens the door and gets hit with all that slop.
- Shh! Here he comes! - Oh.
It's time.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, Alex.
What's up, bro? No way! Alex wasn't two-timing us.
Alex is twins.
- This is great.
- I know! We could double-date with awesome twins.
- And to think we were just about to - Oh, no! Don't do it! You're about to get Oh.
Well, thanks for trying to save us.
Wait, how'd you guys know that was gonna happen? The lockers at this school, they're so crazy.
What? We thought that you, or maybe you, asked out me.
And also me.
Or maybe it was you.
But it turned out there were two of you.
Which you knew.
Simple.
You're never gonna talk to us again, are you? Nope.
- He's warm again.
- Okay.
Hey, dad, wake up.
Oh! I just had the weirdest dream.
Marvin froze me solid.
That wasn't a dream.
He froze you so you wouldn't expire.
- Expire? - Yeah.
Where would he ever get an idea like that? Marvin told us.
Snitch.
Well, I hope you're happy, because while you were frozen, Marvin built a klootonian age-reversal machine - to make you young again.
- Oh.
But it backfired.
Backfired? Well, see for yourself.
Marvin, come in! That can't be Marvin.
I-I can't hear you, kiddo.
Will you speak into my hearing organs? They're located on what you humans refer to as The buttocks.
Oh, my.
It is you.
What have I done? You made me age 2,000 years, Sonny.
Well, there's got to be a way we can reverse this.
No, I'm afraid not.
I only have a few days left.
Oh, Marvin, you don't have days left.
You have hours.
Oh, no! Oh! Oh, no, today is my expiration day! Oh, Marvin, I am so sorry.
I would do anything, anything, to make this up to you.
Would you make me a smoothie? A smoothie? A strange last request.
But of course I will.
Uh, uh, what goes in your smoothie? All the ingredients mayonnaise, fish eyes, pork rinds, sardines, chicken liver, and meatloaf.
Oh! One of my three hearts just failed.
- Faster, Pop-Pop! - Oh! And there goes the second one.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Here you go, buddy.
Would you drink it with me? What? It's his last wish.
But the Wow.
Did he freeze your heart too? The, uh Drink it, old man.
My last heart! - Oh.
- My last heart.
Okay, Marvin.
Here's looking at you, space case.
They're laughing at what? Pop-Pop.
I have something to show you.
I'm not going to expire.
I just set my cloaking device to "old fart.
" Marvin! You're okay! You're not gonna die! I revenged the Klerg out of you.
You got me.
Oh Seriously, it was a pleasure watching you work.
If you ever want to get into the revenge business, meet me in our room.
Thanks, but I'm pretty sure I'm done revenging.
Didn't really like watching him suffer.
- I did.
- I loved it.
You won't have to revenge me anymore, Marvin.
I'm done with taking advantage of you.
Aw.
The rest of you, watch your buttocks.
Okay, Marvin.
We're home.
Thanks, Pop-Pop.
I didn't think you were gonna make it up that last hill.
Well, the irony is, now I really am gonna expire.
- Oh, I could use a cold drink.
- I can go make you a smoothie.
No.
I'm good.
Oh, thanks, kid.
Much appreciated.
Huh? No, this is for a revenge client.
He wants it to have old man smell.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That'll do.
Someday, I want you to freeze that kid for me.
Come on.