Masameer County (2021) s01e04 Episode Script
Pimple
1
THIS PROGRAM IS NOT FOR CHILDREN
IT IS A WORK OF FICTION BASED ON REALITY
We're coming to the end of our show today.
I hope you enjoyed the game.
Don't forget, tomorrow's Thursday.
As usual, it's our weekly drawing
for a 1000-riyal prize.
-Who are you talking to, brother?
-My followers.
All this money and expenses,
and you have only seven followers?
And they're all your cousins. Gosh!
I'll reach three million followers,
you spoilsport.
Okay, guys. Here's a riddle.
What's something that enters you dry
and comes out wet?
What is it?
Damn you all.
The answer is "a toothpick," idiots!
How about this?
-A Mohawk.
-No problem. A Mohawk it is.
Okay. French style or Belgian style?
Belgian.
Okay, a Belgian Mohawk
with fluorescent hair dye.
-Wait. Fluorescent?
-It'll be better for you, Abdul Jaleel.
You'll be visible at night
and you won't get run over.
Fine, do it.
What's wrong?
Nothing, but do you remember
that thing I told you about last week?
-Yeah.
-It's still there.
Really? What are you gonna do?
I'll wait another week,
and if it's not gone,
I'll figure something out.
What are you two talking about?
-Something private.
-What's up, Saltouh?
He told you it's private, dude.
I don't mind privacy,
but he knows about it,
so it's not about privacy, but trust.
It's not that, bro.
You trust a lot of people,
but you don't tell them everything.
People? Am I just a random person now?
How about that, Abdul Jaleel?
My God, I wanna die.
Trad, brother, you don't have to--
End of discussion.
You hurt me, Abu Dakheel Allah.
You trust everybody else, but not me.
He won't let it go.
Weird!
You don't feel anything?
No, but it's annoying me.
Abdul Jaleel,
do you have that in Pakistan?
No touching, please.
Is this your butt or a classic car museum?
I told you not to tell him.
-We should have an expert look at it.
-Why?
Saltouh, you never know.
It could be cancer, or worse.
-God forbid!
-Call Doctor Adel.
Bro, Doctor Adel is not available.
He's a lecturer and head
of the National Center for--
It reminds me of… Thailand.
-What?
-This pimple.
Why Thailand?
When I visited Thailand in the 80s,
I saw the same pimple on the butt of…
-a lion.
-There are no lions in Thailand.
Sadly, I soon came back to KSA
and I didn't get to inspect it well.
But I know someone who was with us
and stayed there after I left,
and I think he got a good look at it.
Sister, I beg you.
We've been here since noon.
More than four hours. People came
and left, and we're still here.
She's old and can't take it any longer.
It's her fourth heart attack.
She doesn't need to stay overnight.
If you don't have space, that's fine.
Get her to the ER or let a physician
come and see her here.
Please, I'm begging you.
Sister, are you listening?
Brother, I told you,
but you don't want to understand.
We can't admit your mother.
We have no available beds.
Can I see the director?
He'll tell you the same thing.
I checked ten times.
What's wrong with you? Are you heartless?
Are you toying with people's lives?
Move away, please.
Let me see the next person in line.
MASAMEER COUNTY
Interesting.
No doubt about it.
It reminds me of my visit to Thailand.
I saw something similar on the back of…
-A lion.
-Yes, a lion.
He was with us in our economics class.
It's clear.
Don't take pictures. What are you doing?
-Easy, boy. We want to help.
-Calm down, son.
Any news about the Caprice?
It's hard to find a good one nowadays,
Abu Husam.
I found one in Al-Ahsa. Good condition,
but it's been parked
in a farm for five years.
Buy it. I know a Syrian mechanic
in the industrial city.
-Even car dealerships go to him.
-Okay, I'll think about it.
How much are they asking for it?
The market price is 30,000,
but he's asking for 32,000.
-Great price. Buy it.
-A Caprice for 32,000?
-Man, that's a rip-off.
-That's the price.
What price?
Give me 25,000 and I'll get you
a Birmingham, full option.
Birmingham? Full option?
Yes. It exists. We don't lie, Abu Husam.
Impossible.
Here comes some news.
Good evening, Abu Husam.
Regarding the picture you sent…
-Who did you send my picture to?
-…it looks like a pilonidal cyst.
To cure it, get a bowl,
add some vinegar and lemon juice.
Then go to the nearest gas station
and get some diesel, just a tad,
maybe one cup, and add it to the mixture.
Then ask the guy to put his bottom
in it for a minute, then pull it back out,
then in it for another minute, then out.
Like-- What's that called?
Badr?
Yes, like a "tea bag,"
and he should be fine.
May peace and God's mercy be upon you.
Good evening, Abu Husam and everyone.
That's not a pilonidal cyst
like Abu Abdul Aziz said.
That's a birthmark.
How old is the boy?
If you remember, 15 years ago,
a family from Al Qasab lost a child.
He was in the papers and they searched
for him, but never found him.
They said he had a birthmark on his back.
God have mercy on us.
How old are you?
Twenty-four?
Gosh! Twenty-four days is a long time.
A heart surgery
cannot be delayed that long.
Please, think of her like your mother.
Yes, I'm still here.
What? That's good news!
Yes, I have insurance.
What kind? Hold on a sec.
Bronze.
What?
Wait. What do you mean
it doesn't cover it?
Who should I speak to?
Man, I saw the list.
It's a bunch of dispensaries.
There isn't a single hospital on it.
What's this crappy insurance?
What do you mean,
platinum insurance is only for managers?
They have huge salaries.
They can get treatment anywhere.
I'm the one with low income.
I should have good insurance.
Understood.
Okay.
God help me!
Okay, tomorrow at noon. Thank you.
Mother, I'll go pack your bag.
Good news, I found a hospital in Jeddah.
We'll go by plane.
It'll only take an hour and a half.
Inspect it well, ma'am.
Son, is the birthmark in the right place?
I don't remember that well.
Focus, ma'am.
God help us!
It looks like the only way to be sure
is to do a DNA test.
What test? I know myself.
Shut up, boy.
I'll talk to Doctor Sattam.
He owns a laboratory.
People! Have you lost your minds?
He's our friend and we know him well.
He has his uncle's nose.
-May I sit up?
-Shut up, Saltouh!
Listen. The only test we're doing
is a tumor biopsy.
The difference between a benign growth
and cancer is time.
The sooner it's detected,
the better the chance of treating it.
Muslim brother, have mercy.
The family has been waiting for 20 years.
Can't you wait a couple of hours?
-Are you yelling at me?
-Huh?
-You're flexing your muscles, right?
-What? No.
Okay. I'll show you.
Don't bite off more than you can chew.
Hands off, tough guy!
We are resilient!
Saltouh!
What?
How much did you spend on Twitch
on giveaways and gifts for your followers?
Between 20,000 and 25,000.
How many are there now?
Seven.
It would have been better for you
if you'd kept that money.
-How so?
-Good news.
You have a million followers now.
GATE 5 - DOMESTIC FLIGHTS
-Fahd?
-Yes.
What took you so long?
How did you know my name?
You're the only two on board.
Go on. May God be with you.
Have a safe flight!
Thank you.
Excuse me. I have a question.
The gate number is not on…
Dear passengers,
welcome on board the flight to Jeddah.
ETA in 75 minutes.
You know the security measures
and have read them before. Let's go!
Tell me again. Why did
the Japanese embassy get involved?
Abdul Jaleel, get me a cup of tea.
SALTOUH'S PIMPLE FESTIVAL
Yes, Suleiman. We're still waiting
and we expect that anytime now,
we'll hear the committee's final decision
about Saltouh's butt.
As you can see, people have gathered,
and a whole economy has flourished
around this hot case
that has attracted public interest.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm sorry to inform you that,
after long discussions,
the committee didn't reach
a final decision about Saltouh's pimple.
And because this issue
is of interest to you,
we'll have an open vote,
and everyone will participate
in the decision making.
Where are you, Majed?
Hurry. The voting will start.
Are they really voting?
Where's Saltouh now?
Don't stress me out, boy.
I don't like that.
Sleteen will come to you, one by one,
and give out voting devices.
Who are you kidding?
We've seen nothing, dude.
-What haven't you seen?
-Saltouh's pimple.
We only saw a few photos.
Who's to say they're not fake?
They're photos. Why would we fake them?
-That's bullshit, man.
-What?
You obviously want the photo of his butt
to go viral and ruin future generations.
Where can we hide our children?
It's everywhere we go!
Saltouh's butt is not round.
We have evidence that it's flat.
Respect our intellect, dude.
How can it be flat?
The truth is that alien entities
put a chip in it to control him.
Idiots!
Have you started voting yet? Can I vote?
Captain Majed,
don't you have a flight to Jeddah?
Out of the away. Where are my tools?
If we can't help the sick and the poor,
then we're not good people.
MASAMEER COUNTY
Subtitle translation by: Muriel Daou
THIS PROGRAM IS NOT FOR CHILDREN
IT IS A WORK OF FICTION BASED ON REALITY
We're coming to the end of our show today.
I hope you enjoyed the game.
Don't forget, tomorrow's Thursday.
As usual, it's our weekly drawing
for a 1000-riyal prize.
-Who are you talking to, brother?
-My followers.
All this money and expenses,
and you have only seven followers?
And they're all your cousins. Gosh!
I'll reach three million followers,
you spoilsport.
Okay, guys. Here's a riddle.
What's something that enters you dry
and comes out wet?
What is it?
Damn you all.
The answer is "a toothpick," idiots!
How about this?
-A Mohawk.
-No problem. A Mohawk it is.
Okay. French style or Belgian style?
Belgian.
Okay, a Belgian Mohawk
with fluorescent hair dye.
-Wait. Fluorescent?
-It'll be better for you, Abdul Jaleel.
You'll be visible at night
and you won't get run over.
Fine, do it.
What's wrong?
Nothing, but do you remember
that thing I told you about last week?
-Yeah.
-It's still there.
Really? What are you gonna do?
I'll wait another week,
and if it's not gone,
I'll figure something out.
What are you two talking about?
-Something private.
-What's up, Saltouh?
He told you it's private, dude.
I don't mind privacy,
but he knows about it,
so it's not about privacy, but trust.
It's not that, bro.
You trust a lot of people,
but you don't tell them everything.
People? Am I just a random person now?
How about that, Abdul Jaleel?
My God, I wanna die.
Trad, brother, you don't have to--
End of discussion.
You hurt me, Abu Dakheel Allah.
You trust everybody else, but not me.
He won't let it go.
Weird!
You don't feel anything?
No, but it's annoying me.
Abdul Jaleel,
do you have that in Pakistan?
No touching, please.
Is this your butt or a classic car museum?
I told you not to tell him.
-We should have an expert look at it.
-Why?
Saltouh, you never know.
It could be cancer, or worse.
-God forbid!
-Call Doctor Adel.
Bro, Doctor Adel is not available.
He's a lecturer and head
of the National Center for--
It reminds me of… Thailand.
-What?
-This pimple.
Why Thailand?
When I visited Thailand in the 80s,
I saw the same pimple on the butt of…
-a lion.
-There are no lions in Thailand.
Sadly, I soon came back to KSA
and I didn't get to inspect it well.
But I know someone who was with us
and stayed there after I left,
and I think he got a good look at it.
Sister, I beg you.
We've been here since noon.
More than four hours. People came
and left, and we're still here.
She's old and can't take it any longer.
It's her fourth heart attack.
She doesn't need to stay overnight.
If you don't have space, that's fine.
Get her to the ER or let a physician
come and see her here.
Please, I'm begging you.
Sister, are you listening?
Brother, I told you,
but you don't want to understand.
We can't admit your mother.
We have no available beds.
Can I see the director?
He'll tell you the same thing.
I checked ten times.
What's wrong with you? Are you heartless?
Are you toying with people's lives?
Move away, please.
Let me see the next person in line.
MASAMEER COUNTY
Interesting.
No doubt about it.
It reminds me of my visit to Thailand.
I saw something similar on the back of…
-A lion.
-Yes, a lion.
He was with us in our economics class.
It's clear.
Don't take pictures. What are you doing?
-Easy, boy. We want to help.
-Calm down, son.
Any news about the Caprice?
It's hard to find a good one nowadays,
Abu Husam.
I found one in Al-Ahsa. Good condition,
but it's been parked
in a farm for five years.
Buy it. I know a Syrian mechanic
in the industrial city.
-Even car dealerships go to him.
-Okay, I'll think about it.
How much are they asking for it?
The market price is 30,000,
but he's asking for 32,000.
-Great price. Buy it.
-A Caprice for 32,000?
-Man, that's a rip-off.
-That's the price.
What price?
Give me 25,000 and I'll get you
a Birmingham, full option.
Birmingham? Full option?
Yes. It exists. We don't lie, Abu Husam.
Impossible.
Here comes some news.
Good evening, Abu Husam.
Regarding the picture you sent…
-Who did you send my picture to?
-…it looks like a pilonidal cyst.
To cure it, get a bowl,
add some vinegar and lemon juice.
Then go to the nearest gas station
and get some diesel, just a tad,
maybe one cup, and add it to the mixture.
Then ask the guy to put his bottom
in it for a minute, then pull it back out,
then in it for another minute, then out.
Like-- What's that called?
Badr?
Yes, like a "tea bag,"
and he should be fine.
May peace and God's mercy be upon you.
Good evening, Abu Husam and everyone.
That's not a pilonidal cyst
like Abu Abdul Aziz said.
That's a birthmark.
How old is the boy?
If you remember, 15 years ago,
a family from Al Qasab lost a child.
He was in the papers and they searched
for him, but never found him.
They said he had a birthmark on his back.
God have mercy on us.
How old are you?
Twenty-four?
Gosh! Twenty-four days is a long time.
A heart surgery
cannot be delayed that long.
Please, think of her like your mother.
Yes, I'm still here.
What? That's good news!
Yes, I have insurance.
What kind? Hold on a sec.
Bronze.
What?
Wait. What do you mean
it doesn't cover it?
Who should I speak to?
Man, I saw the list.
It's a bunch of dispensaries.
There isn't a single hospital on it.
What's this crappy insurance?
What do you mean,
platinum insurance is only for managers?
They have huge salaries.
They can get treatment anywhere.
I'm the one with low income.
I should have good insurance.
Understood.
Okay.
God help me!
Okay, tomorrow at noon. Thank you.
Mother, I'll go pack your bag.
Good news, I found a hospital in Jeddah.
We'll go by plane.
It'll only take an hour and a half.
Inspect it well, ma'am.
Son, is the birthmark in the right place?
I don't remember that well.
Focus, ma'am.
God help us!
It looks like the only way to be sure
is to do a DNA test.
What test? I know myself.
Shut up, boy.
I'll talk to Doctor Sattam.
He owns a laboratory.
People! Have you lost your minds?
He's our friend and we know him well.
He has his uncle's nose.
-May I sit up?
-Shut up, Saltouh!
Listen. The only test we're doing
is a tumor biopsy.
The difference between a benign growth
and cancer is time.
The sooner it's detected,
the better the chance of treating it.
Muslim brother, have mercy.
The family has been waiting for 20 years.
Can't you wait a couple of hours?
-Are you yelling at me?
-Huh?
-You're flexing your muscles, right?
-What? No.
Okay. I'll show you.
Don't bite off more than you can chew.
Hands off, tough guy!
We are resilient!
Saltouh!
What?
How much did you spend on Twitch
on giveaways and gifts for your followers?
Between 20,000 and 25,000.
How many are there now?
Seven.
It would have been better for you
if you'd kept that money.
-How so?
-Good news.
You have a million followers now.
GATE 5 - DOMESTIC FLIGHTS
-Fahd?
-Yes.
What took you so long?
How did you know my name?
You're the only two on board.
Go on. May God be with you.
Have a safe flight!
Thank you.
Excuse me. I have a question.
The gate number is not on…
Dear passengers,
welcome on board the flight to Jeddah.
ETA in 75 minutes.
You know the security measures
and have read them before. Let's go!
Tell me again. Why did
the Japanese embassy get involved?
Abdul Jaleel, get me a cup of tea.
SALTOUH'S PIMPLE FESTIVAL
Yes, Suleiman. We're still waiting
and we expect that anytime now,
we'll hear the committee's final decision
about Saltouh's butt.
As you can see, people have gathered,
and a whole economy has flourished
around this hot case
that has attracted public interest.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm sorry to inform you that,
after long discussions,
the committee didn't reach
a final decision about Saltouh's pimple.
And because this issue
is of interest to you,
we'll have an open vote,
and everyone will participate
in the decision making.
Where are you, Majed?
Hurry. The voting will start.
Are they really voting?
Where's Saltouh now?
Don't stress me out, boy.
I don't like that.
Sleteen will come to you, one by one,
and give out voting devices.
Who are you kidding?
We've seen nothing, dude.
-What haven't you seen?
-Saltouh's pimple.
We only saw a few photos.
Who's to say they're not fake?
They're photos. Why would we fake them?
-That's bullshit, man.
-What?
You obviously want the photo of his butt
to go viral and ruin future generations.
Where can we hide our children?
It's everywhere we go!
Saltouh's butt is not round.
We have evidence that it's flat.
Respect our intellect, dude.
How can it be flat?
The truth is that alien entities
put a chip in it to control him.
Idiots!
Have you started voting yet? Can I vote?
Captain Majed,
don't you have a flight to Jeddah?
Out of the away. Where are my tools?
If we can't help the sick and the poor,
then we're not good people.
MASAMEER COUNTY
Subtitle translation by: Muriel Daou