Mighty Med (2013) s01e04 Episode Script

Whoever came up with exclamation points is a genius! Otherwise superheroes would be, like, (low-key) "don't panic.
I'll save you.
" Kaz: Look.
There's stephanie.
She's so pretty and shallow.
She's exactly my type.
You know what? I'm gonna ask her to the school carnival tonight.
What?! She's the most popular girl in school! You have no shot with her.
Yes, I do.
We shared a moment today.
She leaned over and said, "is that you that smells like that?" And I said, "no, it's not me.
It's something I stepped in.
" Well, I know you've had a crush on her forever.
So go for it.
I'll be right by your side.
Thanks, buddy.
Capturing every painful and humiliating moment on video.
AndAction.
Uh, stephanie? Hi.
Uh, I was wondering if you were going to the school carnival tonight? Of course I'm going.
Uh, great.
Maybe--maybe we could goTogether.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You are so funny! For a second I thought that You were, like, seriously asking me on a date.
Ha ha ha! Of course it was a joke.
Why would I ask you out on a date? I-- I-I already have a girlfriend.
Really? What's her, like, name? Sorry, I just want to keep you both in the shot.
Uh, her name is, um CarniVal Time? Carni what? No.
Connie.
Connie valentine.
Yeah.
Of the chicago valentines? They invented, uh UhValentines? So she's rich.
I want to meet her.
Introduce me to her tonight.
Great.
Later.
Terrific.
Now all I have to do is find a fake girlfriend in the next six hours So stephanie doesn't think I'm a total loser.
This is a disaster.
No.
This is disaster.
What? The scene needed some action.
Man: Okay, go.
every day's an adventure you never know by the looks on our face at the school when we enter leave class early, work at 3:30 hit the comic store, read up before the journey all these new issues and superpowers if we didn't have to work, we'd be here for hours everybody say that we shouldn't worry but have you ever seen superheroes on a gurney? will we save the world today? you never know will we all be safe today? you never know will we fly away or stay? you never know but you know we're mighty med, team up and let's go! saving people that save people after classes we flip the page then jump to action they call us normo, normally fantastic seeing superheroes that we only imagined this type of life, you got to have fight put up your fists and fight for what's right never can tell, what we see is out of sight do the same thing tomorrow that we did tonight will we save the world today? you never know, will we all be safe today? you never know will we fly away or stay? you never know but you know we mighty med team up and let's go! Come on, stupid bread! Toast! Toast! Hey, skylar.
Still no heat vision? No.
I'm so sick of being in this hospital.
I'm bouncing off the walls here! Literally.
I tried using my powers to run through them, But I just kept bouncing off.
Hey, uh, why don't you hang out with us? There's this carnival at our school.
You should totally come.
I don't know.
I've never spent any time in the normal world.
I mean, I just fly in from my planet, save humanity, and fly out.
At most, I'll stop for a soft pretzel.
Just like I don't fit in in the superhero world anymore.
Oh, come on.
It's just what you need-- For you and your best interests.
Having nothing to do with me or--or my best interests.
At all! I could use a break from mighty med.
Kaz, can I talk to you in private? Kaz, this is a bad idea.
What? Why? I need a fake girlfriend, Skylar wants to get out of here-- it's perfect.
Look, she just lost her powers and she's already feeling vulnerable and out of place.
You will not defeat me! Although she could use a change of scenery.
Fine.
Skylar, you are comin' with us.
Good, because anyplace is better than this.
Except the lava pits of kelnar.
The lines there are so long.
But you'll need an alter ego so no one knows that you're the real skylar storm.
Hmm.
I'll just use the most popular girl's name from my planet: Aiyee-eeki-eeki-waa.
Or you could just use Connie valentine.
Okay, but it doesn't roll off the tongue like aiyee-eeki-eeki-waa.
I'm just curious.
What's the second most popular name on your planet? "emily.
" ( monitor beeping ) Titanio's coming to! This man need help, stat! Gimme an apb.
And ten ccs of abcs.
Tbpg.
Brb! Tmi! Lol!!! Alan, I told you you're not cut out to be a doctor.
Titanio, you suffered a concussion Fortunately, the neuro-link to your armored exo-suit Seems to be intact, but you have a case of amnesia.
I can fix him! I can jog his memory by smacking him with a frying pan! You can't smack someone with a frying pan-- Without years of medical training.
I really can't remember much of anything.
Why am I wearing this suit? I wonder what this blue button does? Well, at least we figured out what that blue button does.
It has the power to silence my nephew.
I wonder what this blue button does? "short-term memory delightfully impaired.
" I'm so nervous.
I really want to fit in as a normo.
I'm so self-conscious.
How should I stand? Do whatever feels comfortable.
Okay.
Except that.
Please don't do that.
Shoot.
I have to work the ring toss booth with gus for the next hour.
While I'm gone, stay with skylar And make sure she feels comfortable.
Relax.
I'm not gonna let skylar out of my sight.
Yeah, that's not skylar.
Aaah! Oh, uh, hey.
Before we start socializing, There are some normo customs you should learn.
You know, so you don't stick out.
Okay.
Like what? As a gesture of friendship, it's typical for normos toHold hands Gaze into each other's eyes, And to feed each other apple slices.
( laughs ) check me out.
I'm fitting in already! So kaz, you made it.
Introduce me.
Uh, uh, s-stephanie, this is connie.
Let's be friends! O-kay.
Yeah, she's very intense.
I like 'em that way.
What happened to the ring toss booth, gus? There is no gus.
There is only Gus angel! And forget ring toss.
The best way to impress the ladies Is with magic! Whoa! I must admit that was a pretty cool trick! That wasn't a trick.
I have no idea where that came from.
Anyways, I ordered a magic cabinet from serbia, And I'm going to need you to be my assistant.
Let's just stick with the ring toss booth.
Fine.
Can you hand me the rings? They're right through there.
I can't believe you lied to me! It wasn't a lie-- it was an illusion! Where are these coming from?! And this is you, battling your nemesis, The black falcon.
Uncle horace.
I did a little research, and it turns out That amnesia can sometimes be cured by hypnosis.
Alan, I said no! Fine.
Then I'll just tell my mom to post that picture of you In your little pointy hat, with cake all over your face, At your birthday party-- last year.
Titanio, my nephew alan will be helping you today.
Titanio, this is mesmera.
She has hypnotic powers.
I need you to look directly into mesmera's Creepy hand eye thingie.
Now, feel your body relax And when I say the word "stop," You will beTitanio, A fearless superhero Who battles the bane of his existence.
AndStop! I feel nothing.
Horace: I am Titanio, and you Are the bane of my existence! Aaaah!!! I don't really think I'm titanio.
But he is the bane of my existence.
Aaah!!! So, your girlfriend's cute.
Odd, but cute.
Yeah.
She's great.
Heh heh.
That's not her.
Stop following me around, janet! Anyway, are you and connie serious? Oh, yeah, very, very serious.
That's too bad.
Oh.
No.
What I meant was, We're serious in a way that it makes me cool for having a girlfriend, But not in a way that it makes it impossible For me to go out with someone else.
Hmm.
I, uh, I made this.
Oh.
You should try it.
So I see you guys are becoming friends.
What is that? It's lava cake.
Kaz, don't eat it! What is wrong with you?! Me?! You just tried to feed him lava! Do you know what that could do to a person's insides? I do.
I've seen it happen before.
At the lava pits of kelnar.
After waiting in a very long line.
It's just cake.
What, are you from another planet? Another planet?! Ha! That's a good one.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! ( laughter trails off ) I'm outta here.
I didn't know.
I was just trying to help.
Stephanie, wait! Gus, I need to get out.
Right now.
According to these instructions, This button should open the escape hatch.
Aaaah! Let me see that! Those are instructions to build a crib.
Oh.
Then it's a good thing we don't have a baby in there.
( both laughing ) I have to help my friend connie! Isn't there an emergency exit in here? Or, on a separate note, a bathroom? I'm sure this button will release you.
You were sure about the other button, and it released swords.
You know what, who cares? Just push it.
Ohh.
Oh, good.
( mechanical whirring ) I hate magic.
I'm sorry about connie.
She's really overprotective and possessive of me.
(sighs) it's all part of the curse.
What curse? Oh.
The kaz curse.
Yeah.
Beautiful girls instantly fall in love with me.
I wish they would like me for what's inside Instead of all this.
Will I ever fit in? What does the future hold for me? ( bell rings ) "the time is now to save.
" Save? That's what I do-- save people.
But who? Him! He's in danger! I need to save him! Guy: Hey! W-w-what did I miss? I saved him.
Why is everyone so upset? Look at the sign.
"douse principal krauss.
" They're just raising money for the football team.
( students laugh ) Gus: I will now Close the curtain And when I say the magic words Something will happen.
( grunting, panting ) Gus: And now, The magic words.
"please" and "thank you.
" Waaa! AndBehold! He turned into a rabbit? I mean, he turned into a rabbit! ( applause ) Uncle horace.
Ohhhh! Alan! Look what you just did! You made me look startled! I am so sorry you had to see that.
Why are you dressed like that? I read that you can cure amnesia by Recreating the traumatic event which caused it, So we just need to reenact titanio's battle with The black falcon! That is not a terrible, half-witted, alan-minded idea.
Okay, give it a shot.
I am the black falcon! In a battle that took your memory, A storm raged like none other in 10,000 fortnights.
Thunder roared ( clanking ) The wind whipped furiously ( blowing ) And I, the black falcon, Swooped down to beat the memory out of you! Wait.
It's all coming back to me.
I'm henry tidwell, former test pilot turned aerospace engineer.
I created this exo-skeleton suit and became titanio.
It worked! I restored his memory! Yes! And you're the black falcon! Yes! And now I will get my revenge! Yes! Wait.
What?! Aaah! ( crash ) Alan, you did it! Well done, my boy! There you are, skylar.
Is everything okay? No.
You said you'd be there for me, And I just embarrassed myself in front of your entire school.
I'm so sorry.
I tried, But I-I was stuck in a box with--with swords And--and rabbits, and-- And gus was wearing rhinestones-- It was horrible! Calm down.
Everything's gonna be okay.
No, it's not.
I said I'd have your back, and I didn't.
I'm a terrible friend.
It's all right.
You have nothing to worry about.
I'm here for you.
I was supposed to be here for you.
To help you.
But you are helping me.
How? By needing my help.
That's my purpose in life: To help others.
And this is the first time since I lost my powers That I actually felt Useful.
Thank you For being so helpless.
Yeah, well, uh, Helpless is kinda my thing.
I'm so conflicted.
I wantto go out with you, But if I do, no other guy will ever live up to me.
No? Okay, never mind.
But--but if I don't, I will have to live with knowing that I deprived you ofThis.
Oowee! Do I have some juicy gussup! "gussup.
" that's "gossip from gus.
" Not now, gus.
I just saw some girl kiss oliver! Kaz: Connie? Way to go, oliver! Seriously? What kind of man lets another guy hit on his girlfriend? Uh Uh, not this man.
In fact, I'm gonna walk over there right now and, uh-- Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! All chanting: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! There you are.
H-h-how-- hey, man! What do you think you're doin' with her?! What are you talking about? Stephanie thinks you're hitting on my girlfriend.
Just go with it! Oh, what's that you said? Huh?! Don't hurt you? Yeah? Ho ho! It's about to get real up in this carnival! Fine.
You wanna fight? Yeah.
Kaz: Oh, no! Aah! Aah! Okay.
Too real! Too real! How could you diss skylar? ( both grunting ) Stop it! You two can't fight.
Seriously.
Who punches like this? Ohh.
I can believe you need your girlfriend to save you.
Your girlfriend? You told her that I was your girlfriend? So you lied about having a girlfriend? I-I can't believe that I almost considered going out with you And then eventually dumping you on your birthday.
You two weirdos deserve each other.
Hey, you know what? Sky-- connie May be a little strange, but at least she's a good person.
And a good friend.
You're just a shallow, spoiled princess.
I mean, I'd still go out with you if you were interested But, uh--but not because of what you're like, because of what you look like! So, do you like money and bunnies? Because I've got pockets full of both of them! Skylar, I'm sorry I lied to you.
I never should have used you like that.
No.
You shouldn't have.
So I'm guessing after today you want nothing to do with normos? Actually, I'm thinking about coming to school here.
Really? Yeah.
I live for danger and drama, And what's more dangerous and dramatic than high school? Besides, where else can you go that has a carnival every day? Should we tell her it's not like this every day? Eh, she wants to know what it's like to be a normo, Lesson number one: Disappointment.
Kind sir You seem to have some lint on your jacket.
Let me get it for you.
What's with him? He took a wicked beating today.
And I missed it? The one day I'm not here Anyway, he's suffering from amnesia-- He's forgotten how unpleasant he is.
I thought you might be hungry, so I made you a denver omelet.
Cure him? Oh, let's not rush into anything.
Mmm.
Mmm.