Miss Guided (2008) s01e04 Episode Script

okay,show's over,people.
Move along.
Chop,chop.
Don't make me get the hose.
what gives,dude?We were just playing a song.
A song?I don't think so,dude.
A song is "I left my heart in san francisco" or "break-a my stride.
" If you listened,you'd understand.
Here's a cd.
Step off,ghostface killah.
3 feet of personal space.
Keep it outside the terry zone.
caleb,I brought you in here today because Mr.
Terry is well,afraid of you.
What's happening? You used to wear such nice brightly colored sweaters,like bill cosby.
What happened to my little cos? Well,when I wore those sweaters and listened to dave matthews, I couldn't get a date.
Now I throw on a little eyeliner,scream some stupid lyrics, and every girl wants me.
So this is just an act? Of course it's an act.
I look like an idiot.
Not a total idiot,but that eye makeup is a little much without a brightly colored lip gloss to offset it.
Thanks.
and hey,on-on the way out,I have to protect my reputation, so could you like,play along? What? Thanks for nothing.
I hate this place,and I hate you.
I hate you,too,dear.
To impress their peers,teenagers sometimes rebel or alter their appearance,like caleb.
Adults don't usually understand,but I do.
When I was 15,I got my ears pierced,and my nana called me a whore.
That freak is a direct threat to my personal safety.
Caleb isn't a threat to you or anyone else,bruce.
He is a sensitive musician.
He hasn't done anything wrong.
What do you mean,he hasn't done anything wrong? He looks weird.
Or is looking weird not a crime in your world of gumdrops and unicorns? It isn't a crime anywhere.
Beg to differ,freeley.
It's a crime in terrytown.
Kids like caleb are why this place needs a security plan- metal detectors,motion sensors,dobermans.
Isn't that the same plan huffy called barbaric and an obscene waste of resources? That's the one.
So what are you doing for spring break,tim? I'm heading to the beach with some old high school buddies.
We're gonna go camp under the stars,build a fire.
It sounds much gayer than it actually is.
Oh,childhood friends.
that's so cute.
Yeah.
Cute.
The last thing me and my buddies were in school was cute running from the cops,giving teachers hell.
But my buddies became cops,and I'm a teacher, so I guess we're batting for the other team now.
again,much gayer than I meant it.
Camping sounds fun.
I've never been camping before.
you haven't? Didn't you go in high school for senior ditch day? Oh.
Yeah,that was awesome.
Ditching school.
listen up.
There's been a change in the grading system.
Because we all leave for spring break on friday, quarter grades have to be in the data bank tonight.
Uh,but today is wednesday.
And yesterday was tuesday,your name is tim, and you're on earth.
Very good.
And tonight,you're staying late,so I have until friday which is the day after thursday to check for grade inflation.
Last quarter,there was a 20% increase in passing grades.
Did they all get smarter or did you all get dumber? Well,statistically,a deviation of gra- - that was a rhetorical question,peter.
- Oh.
what is bruce's problem? All I said was today is wednesday.
I can't believe he's making us stay late.
You're so lucky you're not a teacher.
yeah,you get to go home.
I wish.
I promised myself I'd sponge paint my office before spring break.
It's a 3-day job,so I have to start tonight.
Good.
You can hang out with us.
Yeah.
Sure.
If I have time.
On any faculty,departments usually socialize together.
Teachers, for example, are large grip.
my department-guidance- is smaller,and includes only myself.
sometimes I feel like a lone wolf.
bruce,what are you doing here? Organizing my office.
Bruce was organizing his office on a wednesday night? What a loser.
What are you doing here? Sponge painting my walls.
Who sponge paints on a weeknight? Here's a quarter.
Go buy a life.
- see you around.
- Have a good night.
- Hey,guys.
How's it going? - hey.
It's exhausting,but it has to be done.
Well,I'm painting a very elaborate under-the-sea theme.
Starfish everywhere.
It is exhausting,so I thought I'd come up for air.
Have a pretzel.
Oh,I would,but you know bruce.
No snacks allowed in here.
Yeah,but we weren't supposed to stay this late.
So if bruce can bend our rules,then we can bend his.
She's right.
I've been breaking rules all my life,and I've never been caught yet.
Becky,what are you doing?Are you insane?"Snack-free.
" Peter,take a chill pill.
Right,guys? Seriously.
It was time for this lone wolf to join the pack.
Proudly Presents Miss Guided Season 1 Episode 4 Oh,I've had enough.
I need a break.
Otherwise,I'm gonna kill myself.
That's how I felt about the starfish.
- So - oh! Cerveza.
You rebel,you.
I'm impressed.
you want to be impressed? I'll drink half of this beer right now.
you know what goes really good with beer?Pizza.
yes.
I love pizza.
I mean,obviously.
Look at me.
I'm huge.
All right.
Let's go make one.
Come on,ladies.
Beer for the road.
Keep 'em coming.
You know what this reminds me of? The last day of school.
We'd all break in here and throw eggs all over the halls.
Do you remember that,becky? Yeah.
I was on the volunteer cleaning crew.
I always wondered who did that.
Well,well,well.
Lisa germain-rebel cheerleader.
I did have my moments.
Don't pretend like you didn't.
Oh,sure.
There were some things.
I smashed a few mailboxes.
I stole a garbage truck once,and technically kidnapped two garbage men but- what?No way.
That is so intense.
Yeah,but those days are long gone.
I went from young punk to shop teacher to respectable spanish profesor.
So I hate to admit it,ladies,but this young rebel's all growed up.
I'm not.
Let's play "truth or dare.
" I love that game.
Okay,becky,truth or dare? I'm first.
truth.
How old were you when you first had sex? Dare.
I dare you to tell us how old you were when you first had sex.
All right.
I rescue becky.
- What? - What? We always played it that each person had a rescue card, and you can use it to take someone's turn.
So now it's my dare.
Okay,tim,I dare you to take off all your clothes and run through the computer lab.
- really? - Yeah,come on.
For a goof.
Do it.
I would have done it in a split second in high school.
So where's that guy? Ah,he's here.
He's here.
All right,you really want me to-to streak the computer lab? Yeah!I mean,sure.
Whatever.
If I had a dollar for every time my buddies and i were naked in high school after dark now that I think about it,those guys might have just been gay.
who's in there? This cafeteria is off-limits after dark.
what do we do? Huffy,is that you? don't do it,sir.
You'll eat the whole thing and hate yourself after.
Wait a minute.
Huffy doesn't eat pizza.
Ooh,beer.
Good.
I hear you! Almost there! - Did we lose him? - He's gone.
Yeah.
Yeah,we did.
This is awesome.
I miss this.
I feel like we're in "the breakfast club," and I'm molly ringwald.
I always thought of myself as molly ringwald,too.
Well,technically,we both can't be molly ringwald.
I guess I uld be ally sheedy,but I don't really whatever.
Let's prank bruce while he's out of his office.
- Great idea! - Yes! Okay,does anybody know the code? It's not "bruce.
" Forget it.
Let's go to huffy's office.
It's always unlocked.
Oh,that's too bad.
Screwing with bruce's stuff would be hilarious.
I'm gonna keep trying the lock.
Okay,I'll help you.
Oh,okay.
I'll be back in a couple minutes then.
Okay,b-r-u-c-e.
Oh,I just tried that.
Oh,yeah.
I forgot.
I thought maybe he had misspelled it.
Terrytown.
I like rebel becky.
She's a little dangerous.
Tim,you have to help me change huffy's screen saver.
We'll be right back,becky.
I'm lisa, rebel cheerleader.
I need help with my computer.
Oh,tim,you're so intense.
No,I'm molly ringwald.
Oh,becky,you're so lucky that you're not a teacher.
I need help with my computer.
Huffy's gonna freak when he sees his new screen saver.
Yeah,I've never seen people doing that before.
How did you know to go right to that web site anyway? Oh my god.
becky,nice work.
What can I say? I'm a badass.
good morning.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Just be cool.
Act like it's any other day.
What's going on? We've been violated.
The whole school is on lockdown,but don't worry.
I've got half the city's police dusting for prints right now.
If the perp is here,they'll take him downtown.
Police? and they're starting with your office,freeley.
hello,officer.
May I ask what brings you to this office? Vandals hit the whole school.
I'm afraid this room got it the worst.
pentagrams everywhere.
Devil-worshipping sickos.
listen,becky,I know you don't have a lot of experience getting into trouble,but this is part of the fun.
Yeah,although it seemed more fun when I was 16.
I am exhausted.
I only had a couple of beers.
Am I hungover? I don't know.
I just feel so guilty right now.
The best thing to do with feelings of guilt is to keep them bottled up and never talk about it.
If one of us cracks,we've all screwed.
We have to stick together,okay? Yeah,you're one of us now.
They don't have anything to worry about because I'm one of them now.
And when it comes to keeping secrets,I'm like a safe.
- Becky's probably going to crack.
- Definitely.
knock,knock.
You wanted to see me? Oh,you decided to knock this time.
I figured you'd just walk in,since you already know the code.
- What? - I know it was you.
- What? - The vandalism,my office.
I know it was you.
- Who told you? - This guy.
It's a nanny cam for surveillance.
you can never be too safe.
And flex.
Two,three.
hold it.
Oh,okay.
The judges will be watching.
oh,not-that's not- it's not- it's this part.
no,i wanna be molly ringwald.
Oh,god.
I need help with my computer.
Tim I don't know what to say.
You're not going to say anything and neither am I.
You're not? No,if huffy thinks we have a real security problem, he'll give me the security budget I want.
I don't care about your security budget.
I- but you care about the kids.
If they found out you did this,how could they ever trust you again? well,gee,miss freeley,my behavioral problems aren't half as bad as yours.
monroe! escort me to lunch.
Who is this? He's my bodyguard.
I'm trying him out for a week.
Why do you need a bodyguard? That creepy caleb kid is out to get me.
Nobody is out to get him.
Don't.
You'll confuse him.
attention,jackrabbits.
Model U.
N.
Will meet tonight in the main auditorium.
All delegates must pass through the metal detectors at the main entrance.
What's going on? Just a little spot security check.
Hurry up,you goon.
next.
Becky,I saw you were in bruce's office earlier.
You didn't say anything,did you? Don't worry.
I was cool.
That's my girl.
You should totally come to happy hour with all the teachers tonight.
Really?I'd love that.
98 beers on tap.
- Yeah.
- Great.
so ameri-tech security is doing the metal detectors? No,no.
U.
S.
A.
Secure is doing the detectors.
Ameri-tech security is doing the wands,guards and explosive wipey thingies.
It'll all be clear when they get here tomorrow to set up.
Becky,you spend all day talking to these kids.
Do you think this is necessary? Answer the man,becky.
Yes,I believe our students are a threat,and we must protect ourselves from them,even if that means using the tasemaster 900.
Thank you,becky.
And it's only $89.
95,and completely legal in this and some other states.
Yes,being blackmailed by bruce is not ideal, but going to happy hour with tim and pretending to like beer totally is.
So bruce gets a little extra security.
What's the worst that can happen? Bruce is suspending you?For what? For trashing his office.
But you didn't do it.
He said I looked like someone who could do it, and in this post-trashing- bruce's-office world,that's enough.
- Caleb,I'm so sorry.
- Why?It's not your fault.
you came for the nanny cam,didn't you? Mr.
Bruce said that the bunny stays here.
"Mr.
Bruce" treats that bunny better than he treats you.
You don't have to take that.
I don't? No.
Bruce can be inconsiderate of other people's feelings.
If you ever need someone to talk to,I'm here for you.
- You are? - Of course.
Do you need someone to talk to? Principal huffy,I have something to tell you.
I vandalized bruce's office on wednesday night.
You?I find that hard to believe.
I have proof.
Monroe? Monroe,what are you doing?Sit down.
no,i wanna be molly ringwald.
so you can stop with the security.
There's no vandal on the loose.
It was me.
Mr.
Terry,I hope those dobermans have a good return policy.
How could you do this to me? I thought we had something special.
We could have ruled this place.
Miss becky was nice to me.
Monroe,don't.
Don't do this.
this isn't over,freeley.
- Yes,it is.
- Yes,it is.
I'm sorry,phil.
I got carried away.
It was a mistake.
I saw your office.
The person you hurt the most was yourself.
I'm afraid I do have to take disciplinary action.
You'll cover saturday detention for the month.
Of course.
And again,I'm sorry.
One more thing,miss freeley.
There were other staff members on campus that night.
anybody else help you with your little stunt? no,it was just me.
I'm kind of a lone wolf.
What can you tell me about that night? I think that whatever happened that night was a travesty.
I wish that I knew the people involved so that I could give them a piece of my mind.
Tim? Hey.
Who threw that? gotcha.
Is this where the bad kids go? Tim,what are you doing? Well,I told huffy I was your accomplice.
I couldn't let you hang out in here all by yourself.
- We were a team,right? - Right.
- saturday detention.
- You okay? Yeah.
I'm just-I'm not the rebel I used to be.
That's sad.
No,it's pathetic,it really is.
A whole month of this- are you ready for that? Proudly Presents