MobLand (2025) s01e04 Episode Script

1
MTV ♪
[phone ringing]
- Kev.
- [Kevin] Richie's coming
for all of us.
What's happened?
Harry's found Tommy.
Jesus Christ.
How much did he pay you?
Ten grand.
He's a fucking liar.
- [grunts]
- Congratulations.
You've started a war.
Did Eddie kill Tommy Stevenson?
Richie'll believe what
I want Richie to believe.
[Harry] We do have an option.
It might work.
- Go on.
- We've got Valjon, ain't we?
Thank you for bringing this man to me.
You can go now.
I'm gonna talk to our friend here.
Very, very thoroughly.
And if I find a single crack
in his story,
the slightest flicker of doubt,
then you'll hear from me again.
He buy it?
I don't know.
[man] Main switchboard just
received an anonymous call.
It's about the location
of Archie Hammond's body.
Hello, Archie.
Atmospheric music ♪
[snoring softly]
ominous music ♪
[gasps]
♪♪♪
Morning, sunshine.
[grunts]
You've got something that I want.
You've got my memory stick.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, yeah? Come on,
let me help you up. Up you get.
You've probably not done this
before, yeah? But I have.
Let me tell you how it goes, yeah?
Normally, I'll take
a blunt object, right?
And I'll smash your fucking teeth out,
and I'll break your ribs,
I'll break your legs,
your forearm, yeah?
Take your fucking kneecaps off
and smash both your feet.
So why don't you save yourself
a week in intensive care
and just give me what I want?
[sighs]
Yeah.
Thank you. Can I have the copy please?
No, that's all there is.
Do you like hospital food?
- [scoffs]
- Do you?
[sighing]
Thank you.
All right. Now, listen.
There will be no more
shenanigans, dealings,
meetings, anything,
with Bella Harrigan.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Okay.
Have a lovely day.
Are you a rich man?
Come again.
Keep the stick,
but this deal goes ahead.
Step back, and
this is yours.
Fucking hell, how much is that?
- It's 40,000.
- 40,000?
That's my mortgage that,
mate. [chuckles]
If I was really flash,
that'd be, like, a couple weeks
in-in the Maldives for that.
Wow.
What would you choose?
Mortgage or Maldives, mate?
Well [screaming]
Fuck!
I'm not here for bribes.
I'm here to get assurances.
[muffled scream]
That is yours. Yeah?
"Starburster" by Fontaines D.C. ♪
It may feel bad ♪
It may feel bad ♪
I wanna see you alone,
I wanna sharp the stone ♪
I wanna bounce the bone,
I wanna mess with it ♪
I wanna lay the Deville,
the whole crew on the sill ♪
I want the preacher and pill,
I wanna bless with it ♪
I wanna head to a mass
and get cast in it ♪
That shit's funnier
than any A-class, innit? ♪
I wanna talk with the clown
who has apologies down ♪
Pay him 300 pounds
to take a class in it ♪
I wanna bite the phone,
I wanna bleed the tone ♪
I wanna see you alone,
alone, alone, lone ♪
I wanna strait the shark
and find me somewhere to park ♪
Like the light when it's dark,
it's dark, it's dark, dark ♪
A few stars about
make it feel like peace ♪
In a way ♪
A complimentary round ♪
Constellation got a twist in it ♪
For a GPO and all the hits in it ♪
I'm gonna hit your business
if it's momentary blissness ♪
I'm gonna hit your business
if it's momentary blissness ♪
I'm gonna hit your business
if it's momentary blissness ♪
[ducks quacking]
[fishing reel spinning]
[phone ringing]
Speak.
Tense, dramatic music ♪
All right.
- [knocking on window]
- [gasps]
[sighs] For fuck's sake, Harry.
[Karen] C-Can I help you?
[Harry] Oh, hello. I'm, um,
I'm a friend of Mike's.
Oh, Mike's away. And, uh, Wendy's
[Harry] Yeah, in Spain. Yeah.
I'm-I'm here
with my wife and daughter.
We're looking after his kittens.
Got it.
What's your name?
[Karen] Oh. Karen.
- Good luck.
- [Harry] Thank you.
- [exclaims]
- You scared the life out of me.
It's nice here, innit? [sniffs]
Ooh, what's that smell?
- Kitten shit.
- [groans]
- Where've you been?
- Busy.
- Last night, where were you?
- What'd you mean?
I mean, Harry, where did you sleep?
Oh, Jesus, Jan, I'd love
a cup of tea. Thank you.
- Harry.
- Nowhere.
- Nowhere?
- Yeah.
I haven't even been to bed yet.
- So where've you been?
- Working.
You disappear, we have to move,
then you show up in the morning
like nothing's happened.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't you go out there
and sit in the sunshine, yeah?
And I'll make you a lovely cup of tea.
How about that?
[sighs]
[Maeve] Ah. Any joy?
Uh, nothing. Nary a bite.
Better luck next time.
- I did get a phone call.
- Hmm?
Mm. From our tame undertaker,
Parlor Pete.
What did he have to say for himself?
Seems they've found Archie.
I'll put the kettle on.
That's a good idea.
[clicks tongue] Come on, you.
Here we go. [groans]
Four nights ago, Eddie Harrigan
murdered Tommy Stevenson.
Yeah.
Eddie stabbed Tommy 60 times,
and then he paid this bloke
Valjon to chop him up.
Ow.
Richie Stevenson,
Tommy's dad, right? He gave me
24 hours to find Tommy.
Eddie's denying it,
Kevin's gone berserk.
Next thing, I get a call
to say that Conrad's
only gone and shot his childhood
friend Archie, ain't he?
In front of the whole family.
Stone dead.
Mm. So I go up, clean up,
come back, get pinched, get out,
by which time,
it's a bit too late for Tommy.
Richie loses his shit,
blows up Kev's gaff.
I pick you up and come here.
Head back to the yard,
and I manage to convince Valjon
to take the fall
for Tommy's murder.
I drive him over to Richie's,
which is where he's at right now.
Oh, by the way, I managed
to talk the old people's home
into giving a bed for Maria's mum.
Harry [sighs]
In 20-odd years of being together
we've firmly established
three things.
One, I fucking hate cats.
Two, I can't swim.
Three
I don't want to know
what you do all day.
I don't care if you're a doctor,
a dustman, or a window cleaner.
Your work is your work.
I don't like it. I live with it.
[sighs]
Harry.
I want to go home.
Well, go pack a bag.
How did you get them to do it?
What? Valjon?
No.
The home.
How'd you get them to take Maria's mum?
Well, that's my job, isn't it?
Tense, dramatic music ♪
[Paul] Are they sure?
- Sure what?
- That it's Archie.
It's Archie.
Yeah, but are you 100% sure, Conrad?
They found him in a box
with a little old Scottish lady,
in Archie's clothes,
with Archie's hands,
Archie's fingerprints, Archie's DNA!
In the exact same fucking spot
they were tipped off!
I'm no expert,
but it sounds a lot like Archie.
Paul, wait out in the corridor,
would you please?
Course.
[Conrad] Archie may have been a grass,
but Archie never tipped off
where Archie's body was.
Someone who was there that night,
someone other than Archie, is a rat.
Tense, suspenseful music ♪
Anybody who was here that night
could've told the police,
and there's only two people who
know where Archie was buried.
- Who?
- Me and Harry.
- So, Archie gets done
- Mm-hmm.
Harry takes his body to the parlor
and stuffs him in with Mrs. McFuckface.
What happens next?
Harry gets called back in.
Like, mad fast.
The next morning.
Hmm.
- It's not Harry.
- Come on, Con.
It's a perfect cover.
- It's not Harry.
- Well, who the fuck is it, then?
- [smacks table]
- It's not Harry.
You told me only two people
knew, you and Harry.
I'm assuming it's not you.
[video game sound effects playing]
[Conrad] Paul!
Yes, Conrad?
I need you to do something for me.
Dramatic music ♪
[engine revs]
So, where are we?
[Harry] Tenterhooks, mate.
No word from Richie?
Nothing. [sighs]
And right now,
they'll be grilling Valjon.
What if he breaks?
Then all bets are off, aren't they?
- [humming]
- [wrench clacking]
[Donnie] Morning.
[Zosia] Can I help?
Yeah. I'm looking for a friend of mine.
Harry Da Souza?
Sorry, don't know him.
I got some good news for him.
For him?
Yeah, just trust me when I say
he'll want to hear it.
And trust me when I say
fuck off, I don't know him.
[Donnie] All right, well
how about you just tell him
give Donnie a call.
Sorry. Who is this Donnie cunt?
- I'm gonna go.
- Hang on.
Say cheese, Donnie.
[camera clicks]
Thanks.
You have a nice day, Zosia.
[line ringing]
[phone buzzes]
Hello?
[Zosia] You know a Donnie?
No. Who?
Some guy named Donnie just came here.
Said he's a mate,
and he's got good news for you.
Left a number.
What'd he look like?
Hang on.
[typing on phone]
Oh.
Nah, he don't ring a bell.
Tell you what. Can you, um
Can you give us a call
if he turns up again?
Thanks, Sausage. Cheers.
[Emily] So how has this week been?
Why don't you go first, Harry?
Oh, wait. You're not here.
Yeah, so, uh
a lot's happened.
Like, a lot.
Stuff that should really upset me or
at least worry me, but
But what?
I feel nothing.
- Because?
- Because
I expect nothing.
I get nothing.
Are you scared of Harry?
Let me make something clear.
Harry would tear both balls off
before he laid a finger on me
or Gina.
He'd tear the balls off anyone who did.
But living with Harry is
sometimes scary.
May I ask you
a slightly difficult question?
They're all difficult.
Do you feel threatened
by the relationship
between Kevin and Harry?
No. I like Kevin. Always have.
I don't feel threatened by him.
I feel threatened by
By what?
Do you remember when we were
inside, a, um screw?
[stammers] One nasty bastard.
[scoffs] That don't exactly
narrow it down, does it?
They were all cunts.
Yeah, but his name was Rusby.
Rusby?
Dramatic music ♪
Leave me alone.
[all grunting]
Well, that's not ringing any bells, eh.
Seriously, you don't remember him?
Should I?
Rusby.
I said I don't know him.
If I don't know him,
then I don't fucking know him.
[chuckling]
- Fucking hell.
- [phone ringing]
[phone beeps]
Mum?
[Maeve] Where are we?
Uh, we're still waiting.
Is Harry there?
[Kevin] Yeah, he's here.
- Why? Do you need him?
- [Maeve] No, no.
Just say Maeve says hi.
- [cracking]
- tense, suspenseful music ♪
Mum says hi.
The family my husband works for
If you were from around here
not a doctor
or whatever it is you are
if you grew up around here,
and I told you their name, you'd
know instantly who they were.
See, Harry has two families,
and I'm not sure which one comes first.
Actually, I am.
And that's the whole problem.
Because where is he?
He's out fixing their problems.
But what about this one?
What about the problem right here?
[phone whooshes]
[phone whooshes]
Conrad? She's leaving.
I'll let you know where she ends up.
Hmm, okay.
Text me the address.
You spoke to Bella?
Yeah. She's still in the hotel.
I asked her to come up to Dad's.
She weren't having it.
- Why's that?
- I don't know.
Maybe 'cause Dad used to fuck her.
[engine starts]
Did you know?
[sputters, scoffs]
Did I? Fuck.
Well, how'd you find out?
Mum told me one night
when she was pissed up.
I went straight to Bella and asked her.
She said it was true.
Dramatic music ♪
Yeah, they met at Cheltenham, um
at the races.
Dad was like 50-odd,
she was like 20, 21.
Uh used to have, like,
six or seven birds on the go.
She was, I suppose, six or seven.
Then she worked her way up
to three, two, then number one.
Then Mum found out.
So what does Dad do?
Introduces her to me.
But I was so in love with her.
I just I squared it away.
I had to, you know?
I'd have squared pretty much
anything away.
Plus, by then we'd got Eddie.
Do you still fancy Harry?
Yeah. In theory.
- [scoffs, chuckles]
- What?
Well, since time began, Jan,
mankind has shagged
in caves, tents, houses.
Never ever heard of anyone
ever shagging in theory.
Well, I was never one for you know.
No, I don't know. Tell me.
I've always had to really
get to know someone
before I even begin to fancy them.
[scoffs] Not me.
I'd fuck that guy
if I was desperate enough.
[chuckles]
I don't know why I told you.
I just, I'm fucking
I don't know, maybe I should
have told you years ago.
Just got it out there.
Got it off my chest.
[scoffs]
I suppose I was ashamed, wasn't I?
I'm not fucking surprised, to be fair.
My therapist says there's
this thing called "demisexual."
It's where you only fancy one person,
and you need a really strong
connection with them.
[scoffs] Sounds like living hell.
Anyway, it means
if I feel distant from Harry,
I don't fancy Harry.
Yeah, I I don't think that
needs a fancy name. [scoffs]
It's proper fucking medieval
when you think about it, innit?
It's like fucking
Henry VIII-type stuff.
[both laugh]
I don't, I don't think
Henry VIII would believe
half the stuff Conrad has done.
Yeah, you're not fucking wrong.
[Alice] This is stunning, Jan.
The view.
The whole apartment.
What does Harry do?
Security.
Assuming not supermarket
security. [chuckles]
No, he's a consultant
with a family business.
- What does, uh
- Jason.
Jason, yeah, sorry. What does Jason do?
He's a quantity surveyor.
Don't worry, I don't
get it either. [chuckling]
- Well, cheers to that.
- Cheers to that.
[phone buzzing]
- [phone beeps]
- Conrad.
Harry. Any word?
[Harry] No. Not as of yet.
All right.
Keep me posted now.
What is so terrifying
about sitting next to the person
you love and being truthful?
Just fucking ask him that.
Did you ask Jason that?
Yeah, when he was watching
Fulham on the telly.
It was probably
not the best moment to pick.
What did he say?
He said, "Al, for fuck's sake,
we're three nil down."
[both laugh]
[doorbell buzzing]
[whispers] What the fuck?
[beeps]
Conrad.
I hope this is not a bad time.
No, not at all. Come on in.
This is my friend Alice.
Alice, uh, this is Conrad.
- Family friend.
- Oh.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Pleasure to meet you, too.
This is nice. Friday. Wine.
Now a visit from a handsome stranger.
Oh. Now, before you
say another word, Alice,
I must warn you,
- I'm also disgustingly rich.
- [laughs]
Alice was just leaving.
Mm. One for the road?
Uh
Well, this has been really nice.
We we should do it again soon.
I'll get out of your way.
I've been hearing things
between you and Harry
are not the best right now, hmm?
Who's been telling you this?
Let's just say I heard it
on the grapevine.
So, Kevin?
Actually, no.
[sighs]
Jan.
Kevin and Harry are brothers.
That means Harry is my son.
Like any father,
I want only the best for him.
What's best for Harry
might be that we break up.
- Harry needs you.
- Harry needs the Harrigans.
He's always said
the Harrigans are his family.
Meanwhile, he has another family,
his actual family.
We didn't give him
a beautiful daughter.
We didn't give him a home.
Harry needs you,
and I need Harry sharp.
Yeah, well, I just need Harry.
Hmm.
Am I wasting my time here, Jan?
No, Conrad.
You and me
both have something in common, Jan.
Ask me what it is.
[Jan] Conrad, uh
tense, ominous music ♪
Go on.
Ask me.
I said ask me.
What is it?
We both love Harry.
Now, do me a favor.
Never ever
discuss anything about Harry
outside the family.
Tell no one.
Am I clear with this now?
Yeah. Yeah.
Good.
Oh, and also, not a word
about this to Harry, all right?
There you go now. [chuckles]
[Conrad whistling]
dramatic music ♪
[phone buzzing]
Hello?
[Richie] Harry, it's Richie.
Hello, Richie.
Meet me at the Monkey midnight tonight.
- And Harry?
- Yes, Richie?
- Come alone.
- [line clicks]
[line rings]
Harry.
[Harry] Sinful Monkey.
Tonight. Midnight.
Who?
Just me.
Just you, eh?
All right.
[line rings]
You got this, Harry?
Say if you haven't.
Leave it with me.
[engine revving]
That fry big enough for you, love?
Oh, it's lovely.
- What's wrong, Eddie?
- Nothing.
- Except
- Except what?
Everyone thinks I'm a cunt.
No one thinks you're a cunt, Eddie.
This family, all of them,
they respect you.
Dad doesn't.
Your dad loves and respects you.
Harry. Harry don't respect me.
Harry. Who gives a fuck
what that cuckoo thinks?
I'm joking. I love Harry.
We all love Harry.
Where would we be without him?
If I ask you a question,
will you tell me the truth?
Yes. Of course.
Was it a mistake?
What we did?
We've got everyone
exactly where we want them.
And the Stevensons,
they're looking at you,
and they're seeing someone strong.
Very, very strong.
You know your grandfather,
his whole life,
has believed in the three F's
fishing, fucking, and fighting.
Time was he never left the house
without a shooter or a razor.
Now, he's there on his new iPhone,
checking his fucking portfolio.
I mean, look at this place.
Who does he think he is?
Fucking Lord Squire Sir Conrad
of Cuntfordshire?
Meanwhile, the Stevensons
are getting richer
and fatter.
- [car approaching]
- Speak of the devil.
You've got lots to learn, Eddie.
But when you cut Tommy up,
that sent a message.
Ominous music ♪
And we're about to send another.
Hey.
[Jan] You all right?
[Harry] Um
Yeah, I'm all right.
[grunts]
How was your day?
Went to therapy.
What, the old, um
"talking about us" therapy?
Yeah.
What do you say about us?
This and that.
Jan.
What do you say about us?
[scoffs]
Do you talk about the Harrigans?
No. Course I don't.
You can't go anymore.
Why?
Because Conrad will find out.
Suspenseful music ♪
Jan?
What?
Nothing's happened.
What is it that you're not telling me?
Conrad came here earlier.
♪♪♪
Fuck.
[heavy door closes]
Good work.
[sighs] So, Conrad.
That was a bit of luck.
Luck? Nearly shat myself.
You all right?
Yeah.
You think you can get closer to him?
Slow down. Squeeze the soap,
and I'm dead.
All right. Fair enough.
Look, I won't put you in danger.
I won't ask you to do anything
I wouldn't do.
Then you go blow Conrad Harrigan.
[Jan] Harry.
- Harry.
- Don't. Just don't.
- Don't what?
- Do you have any idea
what you've just fucking done?
I haven't done anything.
I didn't say anything.
That doesn't matter.
No one cares if you've done
anything or said anything.
It's about the optics,
what it looks like.
Listen to yourself.
What is this? The fucking Taliban?
No. Oh, no, no.
No, the Harrigans, they're not Taliban.
But listen really carefully here, Jan.
When Conrad gets going, right?
I mean, like, really,
really fucking going
you're gonna fucking wish he was.
Hmm?
I've got to go.
[keys jingle]
[knocking on door]
- Evening.
- Evening.
Come in.
- Drink?
- No, thank you. I'm good.
- [door closes]
- All right.
From Antoine.
One and two.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- So that's it now, yeah?
- Hmm?
It's done.
What gave you that idea?
Bella, don't be daft, yeah?
That's that's it. It's done.
I just asked you to get the recordings.
I didn't ask you to kill the deal.
I think you killed your deal.
Don't tell me
how to do business, Harry.
[grunts]
- Who you calling?
- [line rings]
- Hmm?
- Who you calling, Bella?
Antoine, hi. It's Bella here.
You're overstepping the line, Harry.
You work for the Harrigans,
which means you work for me.
Or did you forget that?
Don't you need to be somewhere?
Tense, suspenseful music ♪
- Harry?
- All right, mate.
What you doing here?
I, um
popped by to see Bella.
Told her she should go back with you.
Right. You all right?
[grunts] Yeah.
What did she say?
Well, she's not happy, mate.
[sighs]
Well, if the mountain
won't come to Muhammad, eh?
Ah, you're right, yeah.
Fair one, mate. Okay.
- Be safe.
- Yeah, you too, mate.
Good luck.
[line ringing]
Listen, Antoine, whatever's
happened has happened.
- [phone buzzing]
- [sighs]
No, I completely understand.
[line beeping]
My father's still on,
and I am still on.
[knocking on door]
Of course.
[knock on door]
Antoine, I've got to go.
- Hi.
- All right.
Come in.
Can I get you a drink?
At least give me a hug first?
[kisses]
[sighs]
Scotch would be nice.
Of course.
Just saw Harry on the way out.
- [ice clinks]
- Yeah.
He wants to buy something for
Jan, so he thought he'd ask me.
[Kevin] Couldn't he have phoned?
That's what I said. [chuckles]
I just assumed
he was checking up on me.
I guessed you'd asked him.
- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, well
That's what you pay him for,
to show up announced
at awkward times.
Seriously awkward times.
What else did you talk about?
Why are you acting weird, Kevin?
I'm not acting weird.
I just want you
to come with me to Dad's.
I need to know that you're safe.
Look, you know I can't.
That's your family.
Sorry, I just
I just need some time.
Dramatic music ♪
[door slams]
Leave me alone.
Please.
No!
No! No, please!
[crying out]
♪♪♪
[grunts softly]
[heavy door closes]
[Richie] Harry.
Richie.
[Richie]
You know I said I'd sleep on it.
Well, I went home this morning,
and I couldn't.
You see, there's something
about this whole thing that just
doesn't feel right with me.
Now, I like you, H.
So I'm willing
to take your word for it.
Well, Valjon knew what he'd done,
so I doubt he didn't expect
the landing that was coming.
I'd like you to do something for me.
What?
Your pal, Valjon. He's out the back.
Oh. Still alive, is he?
Come see.
Olie.
- Evening, Harry.
- All right, Olie.
I'd like you to take care of this.
What do you mean?
[Richie] Take care of the problem.
I'm gonna watch you.
I'm gonna watch our friend.
And as I do, I'm gonna listen
to only one thing,
my gut.
And then, whatever
my gut tells me, well,
- that's the truth.
- Hmm.
Right. Where is he?
Ol.
[door creaks open]
Oh.
[grunting]
[squishing, crunching]
[wood drops]
I'll clean that up for you.
No, you're all right. We got this, H.
No, you're all right, Richie.
I will. I'll clean that up.
You got a bathroom?
Olie.
[Olie] Yeah.
[door opens]
Oh, Harry.
There's one other thing.
[phone ringing]
Yeah, go on, Harry.
[Harry] Kev, he bought it.
No way. Oh, thank fucking God!
Yes. Get in.
Does Dad know?
I'll leave that to you.
Oh, mate. He bought it?
You're a fucking genius, Harry.
Get in, boy.
There's one more thing.
Go on.
Richie wants the Harrigans
to go to Tommy's funeral.
Fuck off.
"Do I Wanna Know?"
by Arctic Monkeys ♪
Have you got color in your cheeks? ♪
Do you ever get that fear
that you can't shift ♪
The type that sticks around
like summat in your teeth? ♪
Are there some aces up your sleeve? ♪
Have you no idea
that you're in deep? ♪
I've dreamt about you
nearly every ♪