Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (2003) s01e04 Episode Script
Cops vs. Cons
ANNOUNCER: What are these people running from? They're not, they're running to the world's toughest competition in town.
Today it's the penal system versus the justice system, it's cops versus cons.
Get fired up for MXC most extreme elimination challenge.
And now here your host Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano.
VIC ROMANO: Hey you lookin' at me? Huh? You lookin to me, you talking to me? You want a piece of this cover? Ha-ha, you see what I did there Ken, I was trying to get inside the criminal mind of our contestants for today's show on cops and robbers, which side are you on Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I'm a detective, I'm Dirty Kenny Callahan, [OVERLAP.]
I'm a rogue cop.
VIC ROMANO: I can see that, that's a great detective costume.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And I'm a heavy drinker too.
VIC ROMANO: Oh I bet you play by your own rules.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah and I'm also, uh, I'm a SWAT team.
VIC ROMANO: Yeah and, uh, the mayor's always on your ass.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: In love with a hooker who's got a heart of gold.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Partner got killed? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah and I blame myself.
Chief wants me to see a shrink.
VIC ROMANO: And speaking of the criminally insane.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Guy Le Douche here, in today's competition it's the law versus the lawless.
Teams will fight it out in our sadistic dope on a rope, then it's through the dangerous legal maze, out through the outrageous prison break and the rough hand job.
And the simply perverted yanking it.
Back to you skipper.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Thank you Guy.
How many of you think that execution should be shown on national television for a deterrent for crime? Especially for the kids, hmm? GROUP: Yes.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Yes I am with you so we're all in agreement.
You agree with that law man? LAWMAN: Sure do man, yeah, cook 'em like chicken man.
[LAUGHTER.]
We'd do two a day if we could [LAUGHTER.]
.
GROUP: Oh we agree, yeah.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: During all this death talk, what do you think there inmate? INMATE: Kiss my ass.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Oh tough guy, huh? Pretty mouth? Think the captain's afraid of you 'cause you work out.
INMATE: He better be, right guys? Yeah we'll kick your ass.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Uh, I hate to state the obvious here fellas but those muscles look drawn on.
MALE 1: Yeah you wait till they get a chest implants.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Like the captain's gonna get his ass kicked by a guy with knockers.
Let's go.
[ MUSIC .]
[CHEERING.]
VIC ROMANO: And our first challenge of today is dope on a rope.
And as they say in the big house, don't drop the rope or you'll draw mud.
[WHISTLE.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And first up today is police forensic specialist Ed Pritcher.
You know Ken he developed a finger printing program in his palm pilot.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh he fingered himself there.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he did Ken.
Ken why don't you take us through the replay, let's see what went wrong.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: All right you could see right from the start he's in trouble.
His rope is too dangly and it's hanging to the left.
That's always a bad thing.
And here, right there he kicks the facade off the platform.
VIC ROMANO: You mean facade Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: But it's spelled facade.
VIC ROMANO: Yes it is.
Okay our second contestant, Amber Frome.
She illegally downloaded songs off the internet and now heads up the prison music program.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I understand she's quite a hummer Vick.
VIC ROMANO: She's also a little hesitant.
It doesn't look like she wants to go.
And I can see why, from hummer to bummer, let's go to Guy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: You fell down so quickly.
AMBER: Yeah, this is the only uniform that they give us at prison and now it's all muddy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh perhaps you would like Guy to give you a sponge bath? AMBER: Oh, screw you.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh now we're going to start talking dirty, huh? [LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: As always insightful and disturbing Guy.
And next here's Officer Mac, he's a desk sergeant who just about everybody agrees is a good cop.
Ooh, now he's a dirty cop.
I think that warrants a Taco Bell impact replay.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh right here he cracks his night stick.
VIC ROMANO: And here is little Lloyd Queeney Tuck, you may remember had the lead role in the Sing Sing production of the music man.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: There's trouble in the up the river city.
VIC ROMANO: And he's got trouble right here as he overshoots his target.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I'll bet that's not the first time.
VIC ROMANO: I'll bet you're right Ken.
And we're still zero zero as Stu Whittaker steps up.
He's very involved in internal affairs.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I wonder if his wife knows.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and he makes it Ken.
Nicely done, I think that deserves another look.
You can see he takes off nicely here and immediately he's into a spread eagle fugitive, turning around to a reverse cavity search and right there, releasing on his own recognizance, he packs down a wind.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Book 'em, Dano.
VIC ROMANO: And book the judicial team with a one nothing lead.
And here's Fred Kazinski, the e-mail bomber.
Ooh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Fred, you've got jail.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he does, he's also got mud on his face.
And next up, one of the last two contestants.
Rockford Benecheck.
He's a funeral procession cop.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Recently promoted him to lead bike.
VIC ROMANO: Oh good for him.
Ooh, and he doesn't make it.
And you know that leads the back door wide open for the penal system guys.
Let's see if they can take advantage of it.
And here he is, Dewey Mendoza, he's in for identity theft, his real name Abner Wigglestaff.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I would have stolen another name too.
VIC ROMANO: Ha-ha, and now his name is mud.
And thanks to Stu Whittaker the cops draw first blood and the judicial system is ahead one to nothin' after our first round.
Can the cons even it up? Stay tuned.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up, walls, falls and livin' dolls on MXC.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back, the competition between the cops and the cons is heating up.
VIC ROMANO: Okay we're back and we're all set for round two for MXZ.
You know Ken, we have had an excellent first round [OVERLAP.]
.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, oh I just wanted to say that the - - I'm sorry.
No you go ahead.
VIC ROMANO: No what were you gonna say? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well I was gonna say that the, uh - - no [OVERLAP.]
.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny just finish - -what? Kenny just what, well just go ahead.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well - -.
[SIRENS.]
VIC ROMANO: What was that? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh great they've already started the next game.
VIC ROMANO: Well the next game is prison break.
The team with the most members to escape over the wall wins the round.
And there of course that's Jimmy second-story Genato, he leads the way for the cons.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: There's officer Crapke.
[OVERLAP.]
Nice little slide.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he was.
What is that they're sliding into Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That's what we call prison chili.
VIC ROMANO: Prison chili, what does that consist of? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Caca con carne.
Oh I think I see a crack in the wall, Vick.
VIC ROMANO: We need a crack on the wall, Kenny.
[LAUGHTER.]
Ah there's bounty hunter Butch Dinero, nice little forward tuck.
And Bonnie and Clyde.
Nice slide there.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And there's a prison matron being helped over the wall.
Looks like she's a big fan of prison food huh? VIC ROMANO: Indeed she is.
You know Ken you eat too much prison chili, you might just give up your right to remain silent [LAUGHTER.]
.
Oh and then we see five fingered Sally Trotter and she's getting a hand from the long arm of the law.
And that's our Taco Bell impact replay, let's take another look.
Right there.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Fifteen more, huh Ken? And right back to the action, I tell you Ken if prison breaks were only this easy uh? [LAUGHTER.]
And there you go, oh coming up there that's gangster law man Marshall Mathers, here from another angle.
He makes it down and that means the justice system now has its entire team over the wall.
We're inside 40 seconds and we still got I believe there of the cons on the other side.
No we're down to two, we're down to two.
That's Eddie the book cooker and Frankie Big Nut Johnson.
And they're trying to work out who's gonna go over next and looks like Eddie wins.
Big Nut assumes the position - -and there he goes.
And the book cooker is over.
Now let's see, here goes Big Nut Kenny, he's all alone, let's see what he can do here.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And not much.
Looks like he's gonna be finishing out his sentence.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he is, and that's not the first time that's happened to Big Nut.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh so so so so so, so what happened Big Nut, you got left behind? BIG NUT: Oh, yeah happens to me every time, you know, the guys get together for a prison break.
Hey Big Nut you win, yeah man and same thing.
I shiv a guard, dig a tunnel and who's left behind? Bit Nut.
VIC ROMANO: Hey Kenny, what's a criminal call a five finger discount? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: A hand job? VIC ROMANO: That's right.
In hand job our teams will test their knowledge of the criminal justice system.
Of course the player to smack the right answer wins the round for their team.
And now from the Las Vegas circuit court of appeals, his honor extraordinaire Danny Glands.
DANNY: Eh, guilty as charged, first question, how many victims must you have before you are considered a serial killer? Smack your answer.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Ooh, that's a good question and they're off.
And it looks like the justice team knows the answer.
Five, that's correct.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: If five's a serial killer, what would four be? VIC ROMANO: Oh just a guy with a bad temper Kenny.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh.
DANNY: Next up, how many baton hits are recommended before it's considered unreasonable force? VIC ROMANO: Oh it looks like the cons are sure of that answer, and they are it's 11.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Eleven seems low.
VIC ROMANO: Yeah, that's Jamie Nare and Art McPherson, you know it's not the first time these guys have dome something together.
JAMIE: I'm Jamie and I'm money.
ART: How does a prisoner say good night to his cellmate huh? [FART SOUND.]
VIC ROMANO: Oh ho ho, you know I hear they're quite the cut ups during lock downs Kenny.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, more importantly, they've tied the game up for the cons as we move to the final hand job.
VIC ROMANO: Let's do it.
DANNY: All righty, last question, how many decades will an inmate spend on California's death row before he's actually put to death? VIC ROMANO: And they're off.
Justice's Popeye [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
is ahead of the con's Mike Jammer and yes he does it.
Popeye fingers the correct answer, nine decades.
And that gives justice the game and they take a three o lead in the match.
[APPLAUSE.]
VIC ROMANO: And now let's go to Guy Le Douche for an important announcement.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Uh, we have to report that one of our prisoners is missing.
But don't worry, Guy is on orange alert and nothing will get by me, Guy.
PRISONER: Hey baby doll.
[KISSING SOUNDS.]
GUY LE DOUCHE: [LAUGHTER.]
Guy likes.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up on MXC, more splashes and clashes as our confrontation of cons and cops continues.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back, the competition between the cops and the cons is heating up.
VIC ROMANO: And we're back with the judicial system leading the felons and friends three games to zero.
Now while we were on break we had a little trouble in the prison cafeteria when we ran out of tater tots.
The commotion spilled over to our arena but fortunately our heavily armed crack security team took the high ground and was not injured.
But there were a few jail birds who tried to make a break for it, so Kenny and I had to deal out a little street justice of our own.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nice shot Vick.
VIC ROMANO: That punk gave me no choice Kenny.
And speaking of punks, let's play some bunk buddies.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh let me do it.
VIC ROMANO: What? Oh, go ahead.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Let's go to Danny Glands.
VIC ROMANO: Well done.
DANNY: Thanks fellas, each contestant grabs a color chip.
If your color comes up, you're on the bottom, right girls? [LAUGHTER.]
[GROWLING.]
.
MALE 2: I'm a bottom feeder.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And they finish their conjugal visits and the sub lots are open and there's a contestant entering the correctional delousing powder, scrambling to find a chip and now rushing on to the spot on the bunk buddy board.
Just a reminder the players are playing to see who's on top and who's on bottom.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Does top or bottom really matter? VIC ROMANO: Well I guess it's a matter of personal preference, Ken.
And there the players are, all looking on anxiously as Denny spins the big wheel.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I prefer being on the bottom.
VIC ROMANO: Oh? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah I mean when you're on top it's too hard to get off.
VIC ROMANO: You are still talking about bunk beds, aren't you Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and there it is, it's black number two.
And if that's your chip, you're on bottom.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Look he's already assuming the position.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he is.
Oh and there's a two term top bunker, ah there's some happy contestants out there.
It's time to move on to our next game.
Welcome to the legal maze.
Find a loophole in the system and get out on a technicality.
But take a wrong turn and you're sent up the river.
Say hello to Clarence, Thomas and Judy, our hangin' judges.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And first up, John Valgene.
He's a highly decorate French policeman, he holds the record for sick day.
And there he goes, making his way through, and - -.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Motion denied.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
Next up Miranda Right, she's an unfit mother trying to regain custody of her twelve children.
MIRANDA: I just want my babies back.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I bet their father does too.
MIRANDA: Oh they all in jail.
VIC ROMANO: Well we're all rooting for her, Kenny.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah she's promised to take a break from crack and really focus on being a welfare mom.
VIC ROMANO: I tell you, that's a 'specially inspiring in this day and age.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah 'cause she's losing [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
.
Sneaky peak technique there.
VIC ROMANO: Well we haven't seen that yet.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: She seems to be employing it to great success.
VIC ROMANO: There she goes, she's making her move.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: There she goes.
VIC ROMANO: And - - ah.
But to no avail and into the rancid sun tea she goes.
And there's Peter Porker, he's a former guardian angel who left that group after the unfortunate public restroom incident.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He must have peed on the seat.
VIC ROMANO: Not sure about the details Ken.
But there he is, moving quickly through that maze.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Showing a lot of spunk.
VIC ROMANO: Yes he is.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And he just made another break, it looks like he's disoriented.
VIC ROMANO: He's going the wrong way, oh now he's back.
He's back on track.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Seems like he's - - no, no he stalled out again.
There - - and oh, what a shame.
Let's go to the Taco Bell impact replay.
VIC ROMANO: Right you are Ken let's take another look at this.
You can see right away he starts off spreading confusion and chaos, unfortunately caught up in his own strategy he became disoriented and as you can see Peter Porker picked a portal and got plunged.
And we move on to Lizzie Borden, she's serving time for whacking her own father.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Whacking her own father? That's perverted.
VIC ROMANO: And with her bare hands Ken.
And there she goes, scurrying her way through the maze.
Peaking, plotting poking and it looks like - - uh oh, I think that's as far as she's gonna get.
And yes, the judge has filed a motion and she is dismissed.
And next up Satchel Tate, money launderer.
Ooh I think he just flashed us some gang signs there dawg.
And there he goes, making his way through the maze.
He's wily, he's crafty and he's through.
Well looks like the convicts have come back to win two and now trail three to two, can they tie it up? We'll find out when we come back.
ANNOUNCER: Next on MXC, don't go anywhere 'cause we're about to start yankin'.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back for the final competition between the cops and the cons.
VIC ROMANO: Great show so far Kenny, have you learned anything? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah I learned that crime doesn't pay and the bottom bunk is better.
VIC ROMANO: And what if a stranger offers you a ride? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Just say no.
VIC ROMANO: Good boy.
And it's time to play yankin' it, while the contestants go motto a motto in a test of individual strength.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah it's based on the ancient Central American game el pollo ropo.
VIC ROMANO: That's right, instead of ropes the Aztecs use braided entrails of the giant Yucatan chicken.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: That takes guts.
Speaking of guts, here's Johnny Wamba.
Johnny is a deputy explorer scout who dreams one day of a career in law enforcement.
And he'll be playing against Hannibal Cheerio, you'll remember a serial killer from Battle Creek, Michigan.
Let's see how it goes, there's a good start.
But wait a minute it looks like Hannibal's got some help.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey those are the judges from legal maze.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed they are Ken, I'm sorry you had to see that but it looks like the judges have been bought off by the cons.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh man, I could understand Clarence and Thomas but Judy? VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken, it looks like fair play is for sale.
These alleged judges have forever sullied the face paint and clown wig of justice.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I bet he can't wait to be a real cop, blow 'em away.
VIC ROMANO: I hope he does Ken.
And next up is Dennis Slipperwitz.
Slipperwitz is a homicide chalk outline artisan.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah, yeah he's good.
He did my cousin's murder, he even got the nose right.
VIC ROMANO: Ah.
There he's got a good firm grip and there he goes, he starts out strong then he starts to lose ground.
And oh, and the cons have resorted to live stock.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Worse than that they're using a cow.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed they are Ken, let's go to the Taco Bell impact replay.
You can see here he starts out nicely - oh you hate to see a good cow get mixed up with that kind of guy.
And next up famous civil rights attorney Epstein Bar.
He of course well known for defending the rights of blind airline pilots.
And also for representing the many injured airline passengers in the subsequent civil litigations.
[OVERLAP.]
And here he goes and you can see - -.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey they got a bulldozer.
VIC ROMANO: That's right Ken, the cons will stop at nothing.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He's not even trying.
VIC ROMANO: It is a bulldozer Ken, and you can see there I bet his sense of justice has been trampled.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I see a lawsuit coming our way.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken I think you're right.
Well next up, Wayne Shafer.
He works as a home security dispatcher in a gated community.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Vick these cons are cheating, they're breaking all the rules.
VIC ROMANO: Well normally you'd be right Ken, but in el pollo ropo, the rules are there are no rules.
Even more distressing Ken, if young Wayne loses, then the cons have tied this game up.
Let's see what happens.
He's doing his best, pulling.
Ah but of course the hooligan heffer once again.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I think she's got that mad cow disease.
VIC ROMANO: I wouldn't doubt it Ken.
And here comes the last chance for the team of justice.
Court stenographer Pepper Dickinson, who knows what kind of treachery she'll be up against.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey Vick look it's a girl.
VIC ROMANO: That's no girl Ken, that's Ursula the first.
Mass murderer known for dismembering her victims with powerful jabs.
This is gonna be brutal.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: This is gonna be exciting.
Girl on girl action, I love watching girls yankin' and yankin' and yank.
Yankin' and [OVERLAP.]
- -.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and look at that, the fist has gone into a lickety split, and Pepper has won it.
Unbelievable, the cops have taken the cons from behind and won it.
When justice prevails it always feels good, right Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yep.
VIC ROMANO: And you know what else feels good? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yes I do.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny Blankenship's painful eliminations of the day.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: At number ten, Marshall Mathers, gangster law man sliding eight miles on his back.
Number nine, Bobbie Ferman gets hand jobbed by Mike Jammer.
Number eight, civil rights attorney Epstein Bar doesn't have as much pull as he thought.
At number seven, Mac Web does sergeant good cop and now his name is mud.
At number six, Marty Satchell Tate money launderer comes out lookin' spring time fresh.
Number five, Dennis Kazinski, e-mail bomber, he is spammed and deleted.
At number four, Sally five finger Trotter gets a little rump thump from her teammates.
And at number three, outline artist Dennis Slipperwitz, chalk one up for the cow and that's no bull.
At number two, Stu Whittaker, internal affairs, makes this an affair to remember.
And my most painful elimination of the day is - -.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny that's not painful, that's Denny Glands getting kissed.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well it's painful for me.
But this isn't, [LAUGHTER.]
.
Who's that handsome guy? Ooh yeah, kiss him.
Kiss him again, yes [LAUGHTER.]
.
VIC ROMANO: You're a piece of work, Ken, just end the show.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What do we always say? GROUP: Don't get eliminated.
Today it's the penal system versus the justice system, it's cops versus cons.
Get fired up for MXC most extreme elimination challenge.
And now here your host Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano.
VIC ROMANO: Hey you lookin' at me? Huh? You lookin to me, you talking to me? You want a piece of this cover? Ha-ha, you see what I did there Ken, I was trying to get inside the criminal mind of our contestants for today's show on cops and robbers, which side are you on Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I'm a detective, I'm Dirty Kenny Callahan, [OVERLAP.]
I'm a rogue cop.
VIC ROMANO: I can see that, that's a great detective costume.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And I'm a heavy drinker too.
VIC ROMANO: Oh I bet you play by your own rules.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah and I'm also, uh, I'm a SWAT team.
VIC ROMANO: Yeah and, uh, the mayor's always on your ass.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: In love with a hooker who's got a heart of gold.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Partner got killed? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah and I blame myself.
Chief wants me to see a shrink.
VIC ROMANO: And speaking of the criminally insane.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Guy Le Douche here, in today's competition it's the law versus the lawless.
Teams will fight it out in our sadistic dope on a rope, then it's through the dangerous legal maze, out through the outrageous prison break and the rough hand job.
And the simply perverted yanking it.
Back to you skipper.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Thank you Guy.
How many of you think that execution should be shown on national television for a deterrent for crime? Especially for the kids, hmm? GROUP: Yes.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Yes I am with you so we're all in agreement.
You agree with that law man? LAWMAN: Sure do man, yeah, cook 'em like chicken man.
[LAUGHTER.]
We'd do two a day if we could [LAUGHTER.]
.
GROUP: Oh we agree, yeah.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: During all this death talk, what do you think there inmate? INMATE: Kiss my ass.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Oh tough guy, huh? Pretty mouth? Think the captain's afraid of you 'cause you work out.
INMATE: He better be, right guys? Yeah we'll kick your ass.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Uh, I hate to state the obvious here fellas but those muscles look drawn on.
MALE 1: Yeah you wait till they get a chest implants.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Like the captain's gonna get his ass kicked by a guy with knockers.
Let's go.
[ MUSIC .]
[CHEERING.]
VIC ROMANO: And our first challenge of today is dope on a rope.
And as they say in the big house, don't drop the rope or you'll draw mud.
[WHISTLE.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And first up today is police forensic specialist Ed Pritcher.
You know Ken he developed a finger printing program in his palm pilot.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh he fingered himself there.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he did Ken.
Ken why don't you take us through the replay, let's see what went wrong.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: All right you could see right from the start he's in trouble.
His rope is too dangly and it's hanging to the left.
That's always a bad thing.
And here, right there he kicks the facade off the platform.
VIC ROMANO: You mean facade Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: But it's spelled facade.
VIC ROMANO: Yes it is.
Okay our second contestant, Amber Frome.
She illegally downloaded songs off the internet and now heads up the prison music program.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I understand she's quite a hummer Vick.
VIC ROMANO: She's also a little hesitant.
It doesn't look like she wants to go.
And I can see why, from hummer to bummer, let's go to Guy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: You fell down so quickly.
AMBER: Yeah, this is the only uniform that they give us at prison and now it's all muddy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh perhaps you would like Guy to give you a sponge bath? AMBER: Oh, screw you.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh now we're going to start talking dirty, huh? [LAUGHTER.]
VIC ROMANO: As always insightful and disturbing Guy.
And next here's Officer Mac, he's a desk sergeant who just about everybody agrees is a good cop.
Ooh, now he's a dirty cop.
I think that warrants a Taco Bell impact replay.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh right here he cracks his night stick.
VIC ROMANO: And here is little Lloyd Queeney Tuck, you may remember had the lead role in the Sing Sing production of the music man.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: There's trouble in the up the river city.
VIC ROMANO: And he's got trouble right here as he overshoots his target.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I'll bet that's not the first time.
VIC ROMANO: I'll bet you're right Ken.
And we're still zero zero as Stu Whittaker steps up.
He's very involved in internal affairs.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I wonder if his wife knows.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and he makes it Ken.
Nicely done, I think that deserves another look.
You can see he takes off nicely here and immediately he's into a spread eagle fugitive, turning around to a reverse cavity search and right there, releasing on his own recognizance, he packs down a wind.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Book 'em, Dano.
VIC ROMANO: And book the judicial team with a one nothing lead.
And here's Fred Kazinski, the e-mail bomber.
Ooh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Fred, you've got jail.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he does, he's also got mud on his face.
And next up, one of the last two contestants.
Rockford Benecheck.
He's a funeral procession cop.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Recently promoted him to lead bike.
VIC ROMANO: Oh good for him.
Ooh, and he doesn't make it.
And you know that leads the back door wide open for the penal system guys.
Let's see if they can take advantage of it.
And here he is, Dewey Mendoza, he's in for identity theft, his real name Abner Wigglestaff.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I would have stolen another name too.
VIC ROMANO: Ha-ha, and now his name is mud.
And thanks to Stu Whittaker the cops draw first blood and the judicial system is ahead one to nothin' after our first round.
Can the cons even it up? Stay tuned.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up, walls, falls and livin' dolls on MXC.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back, the competition between the cops and the cons is heating up.
VIC ROMANO: Okay we're back and we're all set for round two for MXZ.
You know Ken, we have had an excellent first round [OVERLAP.]
.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, oh I just wanted to say that the - - I'm sorry.
No you go ahead.
VIC ROMANO: No what were you gonna say? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well I was gonna say that the, uh - - no [OVERLAP.]
.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny just finish - -what? Kenny just what, well just go ahead.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well - -.
[SIRENS.]
VIC ROMANO: What was that? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh great they've already started the next game.
VIC ROMANO: Well the next game is prison break.
The team with the most members to escape over the wall wins the round.
And there of course that's Jimmy second-story Genato, he leads the way for the cons.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: There's officer Crapke.
[OVERLAP.]
Nice little slide.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he was.
What is that they're sliding into Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That's what we call prison chili.
VIC ROMANO: Prison chili, what does that consist of? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Caca con carne.
Oh I think I see a crack in the wall, Vick.
VIC ROMANO: We need a crack on the wall, Kenny.
[LAUGHTER.]
Ah there's bounty hunter Butch Dinero, nice little forward tuck.
And Bonnie and Clyde.
Nice slide there.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And there's a prison matron being helped over the wall.
Looks like she's a big fan of prison food huh? VIC ROMANO: Indeed she is.
You know Ken you eat too much prison chili, you might just give up your right to remain silent [LAUGHTER.]
.
Oh and then we see five fingered Sally Trotter and she's getting a hand from the long arm of the law.
And that's our Taco Bell impact replay, let's take another look.
Right there.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Fifteen more, huh Ken? And right back to the action, I tell you Ken if prison breaks were only this easy uh? [LAUGHTER.]
And there you go, oh coming up there that's gangster law man Marshall Mathers, here from another angle.
He makes it down and that means the justice system now has its entire team over the wall.
We're inside 40 seconds and we still got I believe there of the cons on the other side.
No we're down to two, we're down to two.
That's Eddie the book cooker and Frankie Big Nut Johnson.
And they're trying to work out who's gonna go over next and looks like Eddie wins.
Big Nut assumes the position - -and there he goes.
And the book cooker is over.
Now let's see, here goes Big Nut Kenny, he's all alone, let's see what he can do here.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And not much.
Looks like he's gonna be finishing out his sentence.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he is, and that's not the first time that's happened to Big Nut.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh so so so so so, so what happened Big Nut, you got left behind? BIG NUT: Oh, yeah happens to me every time, you know, the guys get together for a prison break.
Hey Big Nut you win, yeah man and same thing.
I shiv a guard, dig a tunnel and who's left behind? Bit Nut.
VIC ROMANO: Hey Kenny, what's a criminal call a five finger discount? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: A hand job? VIC ROMANO: That's right.
In hand job our teams will test their knowledge of the criminal justice system.
Of course the player to smack the right answer wins the round for their team.
And now from the Las Vegas circuit court of appeals, his honor extraordinaire Danny Glands.
DANNY: Eh, guilty as charged, first question, how many victims must you have before you are considered a serial killer? Smack your answer.
VIC ROMANO: [OVERLAP.]
Ooh, that's a good question and they're off.
And it looks like the justice team knows the answer.
Five, that's correct.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: If five's a serial killer, what would four be? VIC ROMANO: Oh just a guy with a bad temper Kenny.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh.
DANNY: Next up, how many baton hits are recommended before it's considered unreasonable force? VIC ROMANO: Oh it looks like the cons are sure of that answer, and they are it's 11.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Eleven seems low.
VIC ROMANO: Yeah, that's Jamie Nare and Art McPherson, you know it's not the first time these guys have dome something together.
JAMIE: I'm Jamie and I'm money.
ART: How does a prisoner say good night to his cellmate huh? [FART SOUND.]
VIC ROMANO: Oh ho ho, you know I hear they're quite the cut ups during lock downs Kenny.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, more importantly, they've tied the game up for the cons as we move to the final hand job.
VIC ROMANO: Let's do it.
DANNY: All righty, last question, how many decades will an inmate spend on California's death row before he's actually put to death? VIC ROMANO: And they're off.
Justice's Popeye [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
is ahead of the con's Mike Jammer and yes he does it.
Popeye fingers the correct answer, nine decades.
And that gives justice the game and they take a three o lead in the match.
[APPLAUSE.]
VIC ROMANO: And now let's go to Guy Le Douche for an important announcement.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Uh, we have to report that one of our prisoners is missing.
But don't worry, Guy is on orange alert and nothing will get by me, Guy.
PRISONER: Hey baby doll.
[KISSING SOUNDS.]
GUY LE DOUCHE: [LAUGHTER.]
Guy likes.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up on MXC, more splashes and clashes as our confrontation of cons and cops continues.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back, the competition between the cops and the cons is heating up.
VIC ROMANO: And we're back with the judicial system leading the felons and friends three games to zero.
Now while we were on break we had a little trouble in the prison cafeteria when we ran out of tater tots.
The commotion spilled over to our arena but fortunately our heavily armed crack security team took the high ground and was not injured.
But there were a few jail birds who tried to make a break for it, so Kenny and I had to deal out a little street justice of our own.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nice shot Vick.
VIC ROMANO: That punk gave me no choice Kenny.
And speaking of punks, let's play some bunk buddies.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh let me do it.
VIC ROMANO: What? Oh, go ahead.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Let's go to Danny Glands.
VIC ROMANO: Well done.
DANNY: Thanks fellas, each contestant grabs a color chip.
If your color comes up, you're on the bottom, right girls? [LAUGHTER.]
[GROWLING.]
.
MALE 2: I'm a bottom feeder.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And they finish their conjugal visits and the sub lots are open and there's a contestant entering the correctional delousing powder, scrambling to find a chip and now rushing on to the spot on the bunk buddy board.
Just a reminder the players are playing to see who's on top and who's on bottom.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Does top or bottom really matter? VIC ROMANO: Well I guess it's a matter of personal preference, Ken.
And there the players are, all looking on anxiously as Denny spins the big wheel.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I prefer being on the bottom.
VIC ROMANO: Oh? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah I mean when you're on top it's too hard to get off.
VIC ROMANO: You are still talking about bunk beds, aren't you Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and there it is, it's black number two.
And if that's your chip, you're on bottom.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Look he's already assuming the position.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he is.
Oh and there's a two term top bunker, ah there's some happy contestants out there.
It's time to move on to our next game.
Welcome to the legal maze.
Find a loophole in the system and get out on a technicality.
But take a wrong turn and you're sent up the river.
Say hello to Clarence, Thomas and Judy, our hangin' judges.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And first up, John Valgene.
He's a highly decorate French policeman, he holds the record for sick day.
And there he goes, making his way through, and - -.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Motion denied.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
Next up Miranda Right, she's an unfit mother trying to regain custody of her twelve children.
MIRANDA: I just want my babies back.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I bet their father does too.
MIRANDA: Oh they all in jail.
VIC ROMANO: Well we're all rooting for her, Kenny.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah she's promised to take a break from crack and really focus on being a welfare mom.
VIC ROMANO: I tell you, that's a 'specially inspiring in this day and age.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah 'cause she's losing [UNINTELLIGIBLE.]
.
Sneaky peak technique there.
VIC ROMANO: Well we haven't seen that yet.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: She seems to be employing it to great success.
VIC ROMANO: There she goes, she's making her move.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: There she goes.
VIC ROMANO: And - - ah.
But to no avail and into the rancid sun tea she goes.
And there's Peter Porker, he's a former guardian angel who left that group after the unfortunate public restroom incident.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He must have peed on the seat.
VIC ROMANO: Not sure about the details Ken.
But there he is, moving quickly through that maze.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Showing a lot of spunk.
VIC ROMANO: Yes he is.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And he just made another break, it looks like he's disoriented.
VIC ROMANO: He's going the wrong way, oh now he's back.
He's back on track.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Seems like he's - - no, no he stalled out again.
There - - and oh, what a shame.
Let's go to the Taco Bell impact replay.
VIC ROMANO: Right you are Ken let's take another look at this.
You can see right away he starts off spreading confusion and chaos, unfortunately caught up in his own strategy he became disoriented and as you can see Peter Porker picked a portal and got plunged.
And we move on to Lizzie Borden, she's serving time for whacking her own father.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Whacking her own father? That's perverted.
VIC ROMANO: And with her bare hands Ken.
And there she goes, scurrying her way through the maze.
Peaking, plotting poking and it looks like - - uh oh, I think that's as far as she's gonna get.
And yes, the judge has filed a motion and she is dismissed.
And next up Satchel Tate, money launderer.
Ooh I think he just flashed us some gang signs there dawg.
And there he goes, making his way through the maze.
He's wily, he's crafty and he's through.
Well looks like the convicts have come back to win two and now trail three to two, can they tie it up? We'll find out when we come back.
ANNOUNCER: Next on MXC, don't go anywhere 'cause we're about to start yankin'.
ANNOUNCER: MXC is back for the final competition between the cops and the cons.
VIC ROMANO: Great show so far Kenny, have you learned anything? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah I learned that crime doesn't pay and the bottom bunk is better.
VIC ROMANO: And what if a stranger offers you a ride? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Just say no.
VIC ROMANO: Good boy.
And it's time to play yankin' it, while the contestants go motto a motto in a test of individual strength.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah it's based on the ancient Central American game el pollo ropo.
VIC ROMANO: That's right, instead of ropes the Aztecs use braided entrails of the giant Yucatan chicken.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: That takes guts.
Speaking of guts, here's Johnny Wamba.
Johnny is a deputy explorer scout who dreams one day of a career in law enforcement.
And he'll be playing against Hannibal Cheerio, you'll remember a serial killer from Battle Creek, Michigan.
Let's see how it goes, there's a good start.
But wait a minute it looks like Hannibal's got some help.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey those are the judges from legal maze.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed they are Ken, I'm sorry you had to see that but it looks like the judges have been bought off by the cons.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh man, I could understand Clarence and Thomas but Judy? VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken, it looks like fair play is for sale.
These alleged judges have forever sullied the face paint and clown wig of justice.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I bet he can't wait to be a real cop, blow 'em away.
VIC ROMANO: I hope he does Ken.
And next up is Dennis Slipperwitz.
Slipperwitz is a homicide chalk outline artisan.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah, yeah he's good.
He did my cousin's murder, he even got the nose right.
VIC ROMANO: Ah.
There he's got a good firm grip and there he goes, he starts out strong then he starts to lose ground.
And oh, and the cons have resorted to live stock.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Worse than that they're using a cow.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed they are Ken, let's go to the Taco Bell impact replay.
You can see here he starts out nicely - oh you hate to see a good cow get mixed up with that kind of guy.
And next up famous civil rights attorney Epstein Bar.
He of course well known for defending the rights of blind airline pilots.
And also for representing the many injured airline passengers in the subsequent civil litigations.
[OVERLAP.]
And here he goes and you can see - -.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey they got a bulldozer.
VIC ROMANO: That's right Ken, the cons will stop at nothing.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He's not even trying.
VIC ROMANO: It is a bulldozer Ken, and you can see there I bet his sense of justice has been trampled.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I see a lawsuit coming our way.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken I think you're right.
Well next up, Wayne Shafer.
He works as a home security dispatcher in a gated community.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Vick these cons are cheating, they're breaking all the rules.
VIC ROMANO: Well normally you'd be right Ken, but in el pollo ropo, the rules are there are no rules.
Even more distressing Ken, if young Wayne loses, then the cons have tied this game up.
Let's see what happens.
He's doing his best, pulling.
Ah but of course the hooligan heffer once again.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I think she's got that mad cow disease.
VIC ROMANO: I wouldn't doubt it Ken.
And here comes the last chance for the team of justice.
Court stenographer Pepper Dickinson, who knows what kind of treachery she'll be up against.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey Vick look it's a girl.
VIC ROMANO: That's no girl Ken, that's Ursula the first.
Mass murderer known for dismembering her victims with powerful jabs.
This is gonna be brutal.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: This is gonna be exciting.
Girl on girl action, I love watching girls yankin' and yankin' and yank.
Yankin' and [OVERLAP.]
- -.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and look at that, the fist has gone into a lickety split, and Pepper has won it.
Unbelievable, the cops have taken the cons from behind and won it.
When justice prevails it always feels good, right Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yep.
VIC ROMANO: And you know what else feels good? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yes I do.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny Blankenship's painful eliminations of the day.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: At number ten, Marshall Mathers, gangster law man sliding eight miles on his back.
Number nine, Bobbie Ferman gets hand jobbed by Mike Jammer.
Number eight, civil rights attorney Epstein Bar doesn't have as much pull as he thought.
At number seven, Mac Web does sergeant good cop and now his name is mud.
At number six, Marty Satchell Tate money launderer comes out lookin' spring time fresh.
Number five, Dennis Kazinski, e-mail bomber, he is spammed and deleted.
At number four, Sally five finger Trotter gets a little rump thump from her teammates.
And at number three, outline artist Dennis Slipperwitz, chalk one up for the cow and that's no bull.
At number two, Stu Whittaker, internal affairs, makes this an affair to remember.
And my most painful elimination of the day is - -.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny that's not painful, that's Denny Glands getting kissed.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well it's painful for me.
But this isn't, [LAUGHTER.]
.
Who's that handsome guy? Ooh yeah, kiss him.
Kiss him again, yes [LAUGHTER.]
.
VIC ROMANO: You're a piece of work, Ken, just end the show.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What do we always say? GROUP: Don't get eliminated.