Muppets Now (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

KERMIT: You're watching Muppets Now
streaming directly
from the Muppets Studio!
(SNORTS) Wha
Where are my glasses?
Oh, no. What time is it?
(GASPS) Oh, no, no, no, no!
Ahhh! How long have I been
(YELPING)
This is bad.
Oh, I gotta stop pulling all-nighters.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Reminder.
Stop pulling all-nighters.
Oh, boy, I can do this.
Okay, I just need to rela
(SNORING)
(GASPS)
Okay, okay, desperate times here.
Uh Uh, uh, uh
Hi!
Hey, Animal? Hi, I've been up
for 36 hours straight,
and, uh, these files need to be uploaded
and I
-I can't stay awake.
-Yeah.
Yeah, can you just, like,
make a bunch of noise?
-Mmm? Oh, yeah, yeah.
-And you'll do that for me?
-Like, right now?
-(PANTING) Yeah.
-(YELLING)
-Okay, thank you! Thank you, Animal.
Oh, that's good. Okay, here we go.
ANNOUNCER: Mup Close and Personal
subjects you and Aubrey Plaza
to the exalted, extolled,
and exhausting Miss Piggy.
UNCLE DEADLY: She's an actress.
MISS PIGGY: I know.
I've prepared some questions for you.
I don't need those, Deadly.
I got this, okay?
-Let's begin. Ladies
-Yes.
wheels up, let's go. Away.
-Can I get a touch-up?
-UNCLE DEADLY: She's wonderful.
Could use a powder.
Hello!
I am the fabulous Miss Piggy, of course.
And I am so pleased to have
as moi's very special guest,
the almost equally fabulous, Aubrey Plaza.
Aubrey, thank you so much
for joining me today.
Thanks for having me.
See? This isn't rocket science!
UNCLE DEADLY: Sorry.
What is your favorite, very personal story
that your publicist
has ever written for you?
I don't really understand that question.
You're not telling me that,
whenever you do interviews,
you just tell real stories, do you?
Oh, yeah. I mean,
-I try to be truthful.
-Seriously?
Don't you wanna be interesting?
You're an actress
because your real life is probably boring.
-Right?
-I guess you're right.
Uh-huh.
Anyways, um, what do you think
is your greatest accomplishment?
I'm just happy that I get paid
to do what I love.
I mean, it's so cool, like
Your dream was to be an actress.
And you're doing it.
And so you're very happy.
Most people say that I don't look happy,
my face kind of
-um, looks angry.
-Really?
-But I'm not.
-No, no.
I mean, look at my face.
I see it.
Looks great.
You sometimes take
some pretty unexpected roles, don't you?
I just like really
complicated characters, you know.
-Mmm.
-Anything that
-makes me feel something, you know.
-Mmm-hmm.
Just wanna be alive.
-Well, you're alive.
-Thank you.
I don't know if you're looking
for affirmation,
but I am here to tell you
that you are alive, girl.
Thanks, girl.
You may have no expression
on your face, but you are alive.
-I'm alive!
-You're as alive as me!
What's the next rung
in the ladder for you?
Um, I'm hoping to develop my own projects
and maybe get behind the camera.
-Oh!
-Do some directing.
Maybe I'll do a one-woman show.
You're just a few rungs from the top.
You are going to love it up here
when you get to the top.
I can't wait.
Were you always playing pretend
as a child?
Yeah, when I was a kid, I was
I would go in the woods
-and play make-believe
-I'm sorry.
Keep doing what you're doing.
This is a great start to an answer.
-Keep going. I'll be back!
-Just keep talking to myself?
All right.
Hello, we're gonna get some
different reactions for the final edit.
It's a Hollywood thing.
I'll be Piggy, you just be you.
I'll talk you through it, and action!
Give me attentive nodding,
some attentive
-Hmm.
-Yes. Oh, I love the eyes, wonderful.
-Now I've just said something funny.
-(LAUGHING)
Yes. Maybe just a little less funny.
She's not that funny.
Ooh! Oh! But now you're sad.
I'm talking about something
that reminds you of something tragic.
Now the sadness becomes frustration.
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
-Frustration which becomes anger,
-which rolls right into disgust!
-(YELLS)
-All right, I'm done with her!
-MISS PIGGY: You got some good stuff?
UNCLE DEADLY:
Oh, yes, it'll be beautiful in the edit.
Wonderful. You look marvelous.
-Thank you! (GIGGLES)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Welcome!
So, who inspires you?
And you don't have to say me,
that'll just sound trite,
and I don't want you sounding trite
on my show.
-Okay.
-Mmm-hmm.
Um
Amy Poehler.
Um, she's definitely someone that
-inspires me.
-Oh, definitely. Who else?
Don't mind me,
I'm just gonna do a little wardrobe thing.
-So, I'm just gonna talk to myself again?
-MISS PIGGY: Yeah.
Deadly! Where are you?
-I'm standing right here.
-(SCREAMS)
-Sorry!
-MISS PIGGY: What!
UNCLE DEADLY: Suck in a bit.
(MISS PIGGY INHALING DEEPLY)
-You look wonderful.
-MISS PIGGY: Okay.
-I just
-UNCLE DEADLY: You're ready. Go.
Ah!
There. Isn't this better?
All right, let's do this.
(SIGHS)
Here we go.
Well, it is just so wonderful
having you here, Aubrey Plaza.
Thank you for coming!
So, tell me, what is your favorite,
very personal story
your publicist has written for you?
Wasn't that the question you asked me
at the beginning?
Yes, I know,
but I wasn't wearing this outfit yet.
-So, we're starting over.
-Mmm. Yes.
Actually, we're all finished with you.
-You can go now.
-What?
I'm finished with you.
-Great. Wonderful.
-Is that me?
What? Maybe just a little bit.
I still have to interview her.
-Yes, I know.
-I'm done. Thank you.
-I haven't done it in this outfit.
-UNCLE DEADLY: Toodle-oo.
We've already gotten her coverage, Piggy,
let's get yours.
It's not gonna go. There we go.
Let's just do your coverage. From the top.
-In that outfit.
-Ooh! Oh, I get it! Yeah, sure, why not?
(CLEARS THROAT)
-So, Aubrey
-Mmm?
What is your favorite, very personal story
your publicist has ever written for you?
(SCOOTER SNORING)
(ANIMAL GRUNTING)
Wake up, Scooter!
What! Huh? Hello? What? Wha Oh!
(ANIMAL CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
As usual, our friends at Muppet Labs
are about to do something inadvisable.
And as usual, our friends at Muppet Legal
are advising against
-It's right there. Mmm-hmm.
-Yeah.
"Imitating the inadvisable"
BOTH: "in all media,
known and unknown."
Yeah.
"In perpetuity throughout
the universe, both known and unknown."
-Correct.
-Which basically means,
do not try this at home.
Or anyone else's home.
-That's not a joke.
-Oh.
(LAUGHING)
DR. BUNSEN: Doink! Oh, Beaky!
(BEAKER SCREAMING)
Oh! (STAMMERS)
I am Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
And welcome to the Muppet Labs Field Test.
This is my resilient assistant, Beaker.
(MEEPING)
Oh, Beaker, I see that you've found
one of our outdated electronic devices.
The Beepalyzer.
(MEEPING)
Thanks for wheeling me
into the fresh air.
It has been cold and lonely
in the storage closet.
Also, my hard drive is full of spiders.
I was hoping you could help us explore
the vibrational ups and downs of sound.
(ANIMAL WHOOPING)
DR. BUNSEN:
It was Leonardo da Vinci who first
observed that sound traveled in waves,
when he noticed the way a pebble thrown
in the water created ripples.
In that moment, the thought struck him
that sound waves make things all wiggly.
Would you like to do
a little demonstration?
Yes, it pleases me to have
a newfound sense of purpose.
Also, that I am no longer full of spiders.
-Okay, let's do the demo.
-Yes, of course.
(LOW TONE PLAYING ON SPEAKER)
(SCREAMING)
(TONE STOPS)
You have just experienced the sensation
of sound with your body.
Sound is comprised of vibrating
air molecules in your ear drum
in differing frequencies and velocities.
However, even the loudest sounds
are invisible to your eyes,
as I have been invisible to you
for the past 20 years.
Invisible? Oh, my! That just will not do
for visual entertainment.
Beaker, please wheel the Beepalyzer
back into storage and
Wait! Do not. I like it out here
with all of you and no spiders.
There might be another
more visual experiment to run.
What did you have in mind?
The process to visualize sound waves.
Look, Beaker, a chladni plate.
-A surface area is vibrated and reached
-(MEEPING)
No, no, no. Chladni.
-(MEEPING)
-inputting of particle or liquids.
DR. BUNSEN: Wonderful.
-Let's try it. Put something on.
-Yes.
DR. BUNSEN: Ooh.
Ah!
BEEPALYZER: Observe as different
vibrations create patterns in the salt.
BEAKER AND DR. BUNSEN: Ooh!
No, wait, do not
(SCREAMS)
-(MEEPING)
-Sigh.
DR. BUNSEN: Hmm. Ooh!
Oh! Ooh!
Pretty.
(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)
Okay. Well, the experiment is over.
-Beaker, please wheel the Beepalyzer
-No, wait.
We can do more out here,
where there is friendship
and natural sunlight.
Want to see various non-Newtonian fluids
-affected by sound waves?
-You had me at "various," but go on.
BEEPALYZER:
Non-Newtonian fluids do not follow
the normal rules of liquids.
For example, it may flow
when slowly stirred,
but become rigid when hit with a hammer,
as I've been hammered
by crippling loneliness.
Ooh! Now you're talking!
Let's turn up
those vibrational frequencies.
Whoa! Look at that, Beaky.
Observe as the soundwaves
affect the form and shape
of the non-Newtonian fluid.
(WHIMPERING)
Ooh. Whoo-hoo!
What fun! But now it's time to go
Back to storage. Alone.
Too bad we haven't had a chance
to shatter things with soundwaves.
Wait, did you say "shatter"?
It's just a matter of finding
-the right resonant frequency.
-Hmm.
BOTH: Oh!
(TONE PLAYING ON SPEAKER)
Ooh!
Almost there.
(TONE PITCH INCREASING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-(DR. BUNSEN LAUGHING)
-(BREAKER GASPING)
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, Beepalyzer, you're hurt.
Oh, my! You care?
Of course, I care.
After all, we'll definitely
have to throw you away.
Wait. Do not.
I could keep making all these wonderful
and crazy acoustic sounds.
(BEAKER GASPS AND MEEPING)
Oh! I'm free to share
my sounds with the world.
Okay. Well, that would be fun!
(DRUMMING)
Stay awake! Stay awake! Stay awake!
(YELLING)
Stay awake!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome to
the Okey Dokey Kookin challenge.
I am your host Beverly Plume and today
we find two vittling virtuosos
in a fight for your appetite.
First, allow me to introduce
our own Swedish Chef.
Joining him today,
hailing from Puglia, Italy,
and known to his admirers
as the best chef in the world,
Chef Giuseppe Losavio.
(GIUSEPPE SPEAKS ITALIAN)
-So happy to have you here.
Nice meeting you.
Chef Giuseppe, tell us about
what you'll be making today.
GIUSEPPE: We'll make
a Spaghetti Carbonara.
It's a classic from Rome.
It used to be prepared
for secret societies. So
-Secret society! Oh!
-Yes.
Swedish Chef, up to the challenge?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Chef Giuseppe,
what do you think about that?
-Hmm!
-Well, let's see.
(GROWLING)
(LAUGHS) I love a healthy side
of competition with my meals.
So, let's dig in.
Let's go.
Ooh!
Now, I see that you've brought
your own homemade pasta.
-Correct?
-Yes. This is handmade.
We use some semolina
and zero zero flour.
And my secret, I'll let you know,
-just a little touch of olive oil, okay?
-(GASPS)
-It makes more elastic, the pasta.
-(WHISPERS) A secret!
Uh
Oh! Oh! (COUGHING)
What are you doing?
The spaghetti.
-Oh, spaghetti.
-BEVERLY: Spaghetti!
What other ingredients
go into your carbonara?
Aha! We got the secret ingredient.
-Guanciale means pork cheeks.
-BEVERLY: Ooh!
GIUSEPPE: As you can see, has more fat,
so will give much more flavor
to the carbonara.
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-You're cutting now, yes.
-Spaghetti. Spaghetti!
(YELPS) Now, what other ingredients
go into the carbonara?
Well, one of the most other ingredient
The secret ingredient.
Is really a fresh egg.
-Fresh? How fresh?
-Yes. Very fresh.
-Chicky!
-GIUSEPPE: When I was young,
my grandmother had chickens
(CLUCKING)
-Oh!
-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-Come on, chicky.
-(CLUCKING)
-Oh!
-(SWEDISH CHEF GRUNTS)
Other secret. Egg has to be dark orange.
BEVERLY: Orange like a sunset.
GIUSEPPE: Yes!
Okay.
Well, (CLICKING TONGUE)
very fresh. Well done, Chef.
Shoo, chicky! Shoo! Shoo, chicky! Shoo!
-Okay.
-(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
BEVERLY: Ooh! (CLEARS THROAT)
Look, you've got the eggs
and the cheese
and you're going to mix them?
-GIUSEPPE: Exactly.
-Oh!
GIUSEPPE: Here,
look at this beautiful orange yolk.
Yolks separated.
We have pecorino cheese.
Look how beautiful.
BEVERLY: I see! Pecorino.
GIUSEPPE: Inside.
That is called pastella.
BEVERLY: Ah!
GIUSEPPE: You see?
When our friends at home cook pasta,
I heard the best way to see if it's done
is to throw it at the wall.
Have you ever done that, Chef Giuseppe?
-Yeah, of course. I did many times.
-Okay.
-Huh?
-What's he doing? What are you doing?
Stick it to the wall.
It should be cooked first.
-(STAMMERS) Well, yes
-What are you doing?
All righty, you're done. It's done.
Time to plate.
GIUSEPPE: Let's go! So,
we put the spaghetti inside.
-See, timing is very important.
-Mmm-hmm.
GIUSEPPE: Take the eggs.
BEVERLY: Ooh! Right in there.
GIUSEPPE: Right in there.
Now, the smell of the pecorino cheese,
can you smell that?
(SNIFFING) Oh!
-We didn't even finish yet, my friend.
-(SWEDISH CHEF GRUNTS)
Then, we're gonna take
Look at that!
(GASPS) Ooh!
Look at that! A plate of passion!
Mmm! Little more cheese. Oh, yes! Voilà!
-Voilà!
-Voilà!
-Thank you!
-Mmm. Thank you!
What a perfect execution.
Swedish Chef, what do you have?
Oh! (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
BEVERLY: Oh! Ooh!
Very clever, Chef.
A deconstructed Spaghetti Carbonara.
I believe you are missing one ingredient.
-Huh?
-Spaghetti!
Mmm-hmm.
Oh!
Oh, my!
Ta-da!
-BEVERLY: Well, it certainly is something.
-(CHUCKLES)
That's all the time we have for now.
See you next time
on Okey Dokey Kookin. Ciao!
-Grazie! Piece of art.
-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-Don't know what to say about him.
-(BEVERLY LAUGHING)
(SCOOTER SNORING)
Uh-oh! Needs help.
Oh, man! The dude needs to wake up.
Oh, wow, like, raise
your consciousness, little dude.
Arise, my bespectacled brethren.
Oh! Uh
-Wake up!
-Thanks, guys!
(SCOOTER GROANING)
Hey, guys! You can feel as good about vous
as I feel about moi.
And it all starts now.
(SERENE MUSIC PLAYING)
Why is this so hard?
All one word
and then nothing else happens!
One word, then nothing else. Copy.
Today's topic is self-care,
and I am, of course,
an expert on the subject.
Caring for myself is something
I do better than anyone.
Practice gratitude.
Be thankful for all that you have.
I'd be grateful
if I had that fruit cup I asked for.
-Fruit cup.
-About time.
Thank you, Piggy,
for making healthy choices.
Oh, yeah!
Sprinkles make everything better.
Address your stress.
My fave stress reliever,
a weighted blanket
that oozes calm and comfort.
Deadly? Whoa!
Oh, yeah! That's the stuff.
(YELPS)
Getting away from it all
can be impossible,
but a sleep mask and sound machine
-are the next best thing.
-(MUSIC DISTORTS)
We're attempting to solve
some technical difficulties.
Fix it.
I need my sounds. I need the beach!
-(UNCLE DEADLY IMITATES THE SEA)
-(CHIP IMITATES BIRDS CAWING)
-(MISS PIGGY SNORING)
-(UNCLE DEADLY YELPS)
(SERENE MUSIC PLAYING)
Self-affirmations with Taye Diggs.
Oh, I got this in the bag.
Daily affirmations can help clear away
negative thoughts and self-doubt.
Let's try some starting with "I am."
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I am satisfied in my career.
Hmm. Um
I am also satisfied in my career.
-Yeah.
-Yes, Piggy.
Push away all that doubt
about the directors and agents
who won't call you back.
What? What are you
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I am happy in my relationship.
I am also happy in my relationship.
-Yeah.
-UNCLE DEADLY: Yes, Piggy.
Drop the denial about how
you use your ego as a shield
to protect yourself from being hurt.
-Yeah, I
-(INHALES DEEPLY)
I am at ease in my own skin.
I am very at ease in my own skin.
-Very! Very!
-Yes.
Expel all of the feelings
you've carried around
since you were the only pig
in the Junior Miss Corn pageant.
-I am
-I am!
I am outta here!
-UNCLE DEADLY: Hmm.
-(MISS PIGGY SCREAMS)
-(MIRROR SHATTERS)
-(MISS PIGGY GRUNTS)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
I am really scared of her.
You have no idea.
Let's talk about
looking out for number one.
Today's topic is self care.
Miss Poogy.
What is on my screen?
Some penguin, and, as always,
my sister from another mister,
Linda Cardellini. And Pepe.
-Yeah.
-PEPE: Hola!
-What are you doing there?
-Reading her palms.
-He's good at it.
-Okay.
-Uh, Deadly.
-Mmm.
-How about some fan questions?
-Ah, yes. Let's see.
Sarita from Toledo wonders,
"How do I know
when I need to take a 'me day'?"
-How do I know to take a me day?
-We're not asking him.
-Why not?
-He's not part of the panel.
He's got good answers.
All right, Pepe. Go ahead.
I got nothing.
-Yeah.
-What?
-See?
-Sí?
And you, Miss Poogy?
Come on, give me those gems! Let's go!
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
Well, I say,
get someone to take care of you.
-Ooh!
-What's the point of self-care
-if you have to do it yourself?
-Right.
MISSPIGGYROX343 demands to know,
"How does one get invited
to one of Linda's self-care days?"
She calls me in the evening time
when she gets home from working
and says, "Hey, Pepe,
I need a hand massage."
Let's say someone, Linda, someone, anyone,
but someone wanted to be invited,
how might that happen?
Um, I think you just call me up
and come on over.
-Invitation accepted.
-(DOOR OPENS)
LINDA: (GASPS) Hi!
-Oh, my goodness!
-MISS PIGGY: What are we gonna do first?
(GRUNTS)
That's all the time we have for today.
Talk to you soon, everyone.
-Pepe, go get us some chips.
-What?
-Yeah.
-Yeah, come on.
Make your guacamole.
-I gotta go home.
-Make it snappy.
-She ruins the party.
-Buh-bye!
Okay, everyone, thank you for joining us
for another edition of LifestyLE
with Miss Piggy.
Kissy-kissy!
(SCOOTER PANTING)
-Animal!
-Huh?
-That's it!
-Huh?
We did it!
-We did it.
-Oh, yeah!
-Thanks to you.
-(YELLING)
(SNORING)
Scooter? Ooh!
Night-night, Scooter.
(LULLABY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SMACKING LIPS)
(YAWNS)
(THUDS)
(BOTH SNORING)