No Activity (2015) s01e04 Episode Script
The Witness
1 [SPEAKS WITH AMERICAN ACCENT.]
When I go through that door, I need to know you're right be-fucking-hind me! - You went against protocol! - Protocol? It's not the way we play things.
You know that! When did you become such a pussy, huh? Huh? - Goddamn you.
- You remember back in the day, huh? - When we were wild and on fire? - Yeah.
We were kicking in doors and taking names.
Now when I look at you, honestly, I feel like I'm looking at a ghost.
You're dead already.
WOMAN OVER RADIO: Car 72, please report.
[REGULAR ACCENT.]
Uh, Car 72.
No activity.
Just ask them if we can get Actually, don't worry about it.
It's fine.
[SIGHS.]
- That was good.
- That was a good one.
Was kinda gritty.
Had an edge to it.
Yeah.
That's the kinda stuff, you know? That's the kind of really realistic American cop show like 'The Wire'.
- Yes.
I love that show.
- You've seen it? I can't understand a word they say, but I like the pictures.
You know, a real cop and a real journalist wrote that.
- Fair dinkum! - Yeah, they wrote it.
But they got actors to do it, see? We could write that stuff, 'cause we've seen it.
- We know the stuff.
- We live it.
But we should act in it.
[LAUGHS.]
We can't act.
Yes, we can.
You know, acting's just being, really.
And we're doing that right now, aren't we? - I think there's more to it than that.
- No, there's not.
They make you think there is, but there's actually not.
- You know what the acting test is? - What? Just saying to someone, looking in their eye, saying, "I love you.
" - [TITTERS.]
- And meaning it and being believed.
- If you can do that, you're an actor.
- I love you.
- No, I didn't mean "Let's do it.
" - I love you.
- I love you.
- No.
[BREATHILY.]
I love you.
- What is that? - That's just a sensual version.
It felt angry.
- [EMOTIONALLY.]
I love you! - What are you doing? - I was broken.
- No, just say it.
- Just say it simply.
- [FLAT.]
I love you.
- No, no.
Just release your belly.
- Don't touch me there.
- Huh-huh-huh.
Contact your - I love you.
- Nuh.
- I love you.
No.
I'll show you.
You're just blocking me all the time! No, I'll show you.
[SIGHS.]
You gotta be [MOANS.]
You gotta relax your instrument.
- Action! - No, no, no.
Don't say 'Action'.
[MOANS.]
You look like you're wanking.
I'm relaxing my jaw muscles.
[EXHALES.]
- The moment's gone.
- No, it's still coming.
- The moment's here.
- All right.
And go.
[MUTTERS.]
I'm not saying anything.
Still rolling.
[SLURS.]
I love you.
You look like a trout.
See? We can't act.
- Stokes.
- Mmm? I love you.
I love you.
- Wow.
That was powerful.
- Mmm.
- You got me right in here.
- Yeah, I felt it.
- You felt it? - I could feel you feeling it.
It was something quite It came from somewhere.
Yeah, yeah.
I was acting.
It's acting.
Sorry, do I actually need to be here for all this? - I couldn't - Yes, you do.
This is an ongoing large-scale police investigation.
You're a witness.
You're here to identify any potential suspects we may observe.
That's the job, lady.
So don't get above yourself, lady.
You know if you hold a frog's mouth open long enough it'll suffocate? - Really? - Mmm.
I can see that.
[THEME MUSIC.]
Out here on my own Why's it always take so long? I'm ready for the moment Forget about the future I'm ready for the pressure to blow.
MAN: Operation Big Red still under way.
Shipment of methamphetamines tracked in a city warehouse guarded by a small fish.
Let's sit on it, see if some big fish stick their head out.
Watch out.
That's really hot.
Watch out.
Have a little sip, but watch out, it's really hot.
Hey, hey, not too much.
It's very hot.
I don't want you to burn yourself.
- Yeah, I'm fine, mate.
I'm fine.
- Are you sure? You're all right? Yeah, course I'm all right.
What are you talking about? I mean are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine, mate.
Look at me.
I mean, how are the injuries? I mean, how's the Nah, I'm good, mate.
I'm good.
Got lucky, mate.
Got lucky.
Yeah, I heard it went straight through.
It did.
Straight through the shoulder.
I heard it went straight through your brain.
Through me brain? I heard it went straight through, in one side, out the other, and you were a complete vegetable.
- Really? - Yeah.
And you were on life support, completely brain dead.
- Really? - Yeah.
Who told you that? Glen.
- Glen told you that? - Yeah.
How'd you go with Glen? Yeah, he's a good bloke.
Funny.
- Full of stories.
- Yeah.
- Really like him.
- I think he's a pain in the arse.
Anyway.
Anyway, someone said to me the other day they're looking for him.
I had a dream last night.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Did you record it? - Yeah.
Thought so.
- You wanna hear it? - Nuh.
- You're in it.
- Am I? - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
You'll like this.
JIMMY ON RECORDING: He's naked from the waist up.
He's kinda normal except that he's got this incredible set of breasts.
Not like teats or udders, but human breasts.
Like, beautiful, pert yet pendulous 17-year-old boobs.
And he's looking very piercingly into my eyes.
And he's dancing, he's kinda swaying back and forth.
Not sexually, more sensually.
And he's looking at me with his eyes.
And he just reaches out with all of his fingers and says, "Come!" "Come!" How good's that? It's interesting, huh? Mmm.
I think, uh, it might be best if you leave your dreams at home, mate.
Would be my advice.
Why? It was just just a dream.
It's just kind of a dream logic.
You know, this is just about you .
.
you returning, coming home.
- Yep.
Yep.
- You kinda making a full recovery.
You coming back, just coming back to entertain me, you know? What about the tits? APRIL: Car 72, please report.
Car 72, please report.
Car 72, no activity.
- Thank you.
- [CAMERA CLICKS.]
[CAMERA CLICKS TWICE.]
Are you taking photos, Lachlan? - [CAMERA CLICKS.]
- [APRIL CLEARS HER THROAT.]
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't, Lach - [CLICK!.]
- [APRIL GROANS UNCOMFORTABLY.]
[CLICK!.]
How's school going? Is it good? [CLICK!.]
- [CLICK!.]
- Okay.
Mate, get out of my seat.
Sorry.
No worries.
It's fine.
Didn't think he'd be here so Been here a while, haven't you, mate? Tony was supposed to come and pick Your dad's gonna come and pick you up, isn't he, mate? Probably about another half an hour, I reckon.
That'll be fun.
[MOUTHS SILENTLY.]
Mmm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Just I can't leave him at home at the moment by himself.
Not after what happened last night.
It's all right, mate.
Not gonna embarrass you.
Not gonna go into the details.
Let's put it this way, we won't be getting another fish tank.
- Wow.
Okay.
- Not one like that, anyway.
I won't be paying for it.
Maybe your dad will take you down to Feathers and Fins, but it won't be coming out of my pay packet.
Mmm.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
What are you taking photos of April for? - Give us the phone.
- No.
Give me the phone.
Lachy, give me the Give us the [MUTTERS.]
- [SCOFFS.]
You posing for him? - Carol, I really wasn't.
You don't know what he does with these photos.
- No.
Okay.
- He'll cut out the face.
He'll put that Oh, you just I was gone for two minutes, you know? I expect you to be the adult in the situation.
- I really wasn't - Enough.
Okay.
Okay.
WOMAN: The warehouse shipment has been confirmed.
It's a big one.
We're waiting for the bosses to make contact before we make our move.
[STOKES SCATS.]
So, um, what's after this for you, 'Tania'? Are you gonna turn your life around, maybe get off the streets? You think I'm, like, a prostitute? Oh, sorry, no.
Nobody's a prostitute anymore, are they? - No, they don't call them that.
- Stripper.
- Escort.
- Exotic dancer.
- Courtesan.
- That's nice.
No, I'm I'm an accountant, actually.
Never heard 'em called that! No, I really am an accountant, I thought I was doing the books for a coffee importation company.
Turned out to be a front for an international drug syndicate.
What do you think of this, by the way? - Yeah, it's nice.
Silk? - I'm glad you asked, though It's all silk.
.
.
about my new start, 'cause I actually do view it as an opportunity to kind of reset.
So in the medium-to-long term, probably not the short term, I wanna become a flight attendant on Branson's Virgin Galactic commercial spacecraft.
- That's my plan.
- That's a big dream! - I know! - That's impressive.
- Shoot for the stars, girl.
- Yeah, literally! Yeah, yeah.
And I've always loved space.
I've just been fascinated by that void, you know, being still and at one with your thoughts and you know.
Let me say, before you embark on what's obviously a big dream, um, it's pretty stupid and it's never gonna happen.
Well, I disagree.
So I think it's really important to dream.
Well within your rights to disagree.
It's important to have a dream, as long as you don't think it's actually gonna happen because this clearly isn't.
- Yes, it will.
- No, it's never gonna happen.
And I'll tell you why.
Firstly, um, it's been happening 'in the next year or so' for the past decade.
His own mother is on the record as saying it's not gonna happen.
- She was a flight attendant.
- Well, that's a point.
Have you done any had any experience? No, but I always fly Virgin whenever I get the chance.
Okay, so there's perhaps 20,000 people who are perhaps better qualified than yourself to fly in this mythical intergalactic flight.
That's the other thing about space.
- Space is boring.
- Space is amazing! Space is an opportunity to just be in the moment, be in the void with your thoughts.
HENDY: Travelling in space would be more like catching a bus from here to Broome at night with no windows.
There's your space travel.
Well, that's your opinion.
You know, Hendy, give her a break.
I'm trying to give her a break.
Sure, it's an utterly ridiculous dream, completely unachievable.
By the time she gets there she'll be an old chook.
But, you know, it's important to have these things.
Long as she knows she's probably better off staying on the streets.
Well, familiar territory.
She's been a hostess of sorts already.
A hostess of the flesh.
And she could move into the house.
The madame of the house.
I am not a prostitute! All right.
JIMMY: So, yeah, he's come out of the closet.
- I think it's very, very brave.
- Really? Yeah, I'm proud of the commitment there.
I mean, you're really sticking your neck out.
No, he's not! He's a coward, mate.
- Listen, how old is he? - He's 41.
Yeah, right.
No.
What's wrong with that? I mean, the guy's had an incredible career.
Not even a real sport for a start.
But if you do that when you're 22, that takes balls, all right? If you do that when you're 82, that takes balls, all right? What's the difference? There's a whole legacy behind you, mate.
You've lied to your entire family and now you've gotta own up to it before you die.
That's something, you know? This guy, mate, he's looking for a book deal.
He's in the decline, mate.
He's finished.
Rugby league, mate, that's a sport.
Imagine coming out in the preamble to a State of Origin.
- As a footballer? - As a gay man.
As a gay prop forward.
That'd take some guts.
That would take some guts! Imagine coming out with your lover in State of Origin, one playing for Queensland, one playing for New South Wales.
Imagine that.
How big your balls would be to do that.
[STOKES SCATS BADLY.]
- That's really good, isn't it? - Wow.
Yeah.
- Was that not an established song? - No, I just made it up.
It's really impressive, isn't it, Tania? Yeah, yes.
I didn't realise that wasn't a proper song.
- No, come on.
- Do another one.
TANIA: Yeah, seriously.
[SCATS.]
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You got a gift.
- Yeah? - A real gift.
- Beautiful.
You should record that.
- Who'd wanna listen to that? - You should, like, upload it.
Put it online.
Yeah, it'll go viral, that sort of thing.
- No! - On YouTubes.
- Yeah! - Justin Bieber started that way.
It was like a YouTube thing and it just snowballed.
- Really? - Yeah.
- He's famous.
- Yeah.
And you don't have to rehearse.
Just let it flow through you.
Ready and action.
[SCATS.]
Great.
That's really good.
Amazing.
That's really beautiful.
What are you doing with it? Just uploading it onto the YouTubes.
What happens next? It goes big.
It's gonna go viral.
- It's quite exciting, really.
- Mmm, it sure is.
If it works, we could do a whole series.
And it's up there now.
MAN: Our intelligence is indicating that one of their own has gone missing.
It's ruffling feathers internally.
So something could come to a head here.
Keep your eyes open.
JIMMY: Yeah, the night before, as lovers.
Two brave, naked men.
Yeah, no colours.
There's no blue, no maroon.
- Alone.
- Just the colour of skin.
Just love.
Just muscle, brawn, bravery.
Maybe a light snack, a light dinner.
Sure.
We've lit the candles.
I mean, those eyes would say it all.
- I love you, mate.
- I love you too.
Doesn't even need to be said.
- Let's not say it.
- Let's just go to bed.
Let us not speak of things football.
Let us just love as one beating heart.
Do you wanna spoon me? - And then the morning comes.
- They're still in love.
Things are strong.
Fresh fruit.
Fresh fruit, some plunger coffee.
Maybe some protein powders, some amino acids.
A juice.
Maybe they catch a ride together out to the stadium.
- They drive together.
Very simple.
- Of course.
- Just holding hands.
- Yeah, not making a big deal out of it.
Just travelling to the game.
Calm the nerves, calm the nerves.
But barely able to look at each other.
Oh, no, the tension would be palpable.
- Yeah.
- Then they get to the ground.
And they walk through their separate tunnels onto the field, there's the roar of the crowd, and they look at each other.
- And they know.
- Love becomes war.
And then that whistle goes.
Then they're no longer lovers.
No way.
State against state.
Mate against mate.
Gay against gay.
- How good would that be? - Whoa.
I'm just kind of Phwoar.
- Just thinking about it.
- Yeah.
HENDY: Here we go.
Comments.
- "This guy sucks balls.
" - STOKES: Oh! "This guy's head is like something" "that should be in a dog's bowl.
" - Oh, get fucked.
- Ohh Don't Did you push 'like'? Don't 'like' it.
"Who's the singing faggot?" I don't condone the language, but the sentiment's right.
That's it.
Turn that Take it off now! - Take it off! - Well, I sort of agree.
Oh, this is bullshit.
You two set me up.
Maybe from now on you'll stop singing in the car.
Because it's fucking annoying and it sounds stupid and every single 'scat' you do sounds exactly the same.
So next time you go to do it, look that up on YouTube, 'Dickhead Sings in Car', look at yourself and think, "No, I won't do that again.
" "It's annoying and stupid.
" Sorry, but it's true.
CAROL: You need to come and pick him up now, please.
[SOFTLY.]
It's not fair on him too, you know? Is the suspension gonna affect his grades? Is he missing out on That ship's sailed.
Oh, okay.
Although, when he was in grade 2, when he was a little bloke, he was put into the gifted stream.
- Amazing! - Yeah, massive.
We were thrilled, we were just rapt, you know? And then after a while, he was only there for one term, it became pretty apparent that he didn't understand a lot of it.
And well, we got a phone call.
- Yeah? - There's another Lachy.
- Yep.
- There'd been a mix-up.
And that other kid Lachy, like, he is smart.
- He's Asian smart.
- Yeah, right? He's not Asian, but he's Asian smart.
[WHISTLES APPRECIATIVELY.]
- I see what you're saying, yeah.
- Yeah.
So he was just put back into the normal stream.
But for that time, you know, it was that sort of I don't know, in the moment, it was sort of like he could be anything.
You know, the possibilities were endless.
Yeah.
I think it was a real turning point for him too, 'cause after that, you know, to be certified 'not a genius' - 'Not a genius'.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
He does all right, don't ya, mate? - [COMPUTER GAME TRILLS.]
- Hey, that's the next level! He's good at that.
He's very good at that.
BRUCE: You know what a fan I am of me music, mate.
He says, "Regrets, I've had a few.
" "Regrets, I've had a few.
" And I'm going, "Yeah, I'm in, I'm there.
" "I understand that, you know? We've all had 'em.
" "But then again, too few to mention.
" Please, dickhead.
You know? It's either one way or the other.
[JIMMY SNIFFS.]
I killed Glen.
- You what? - [SIGHS.]
I killed Glen.
Glen Glen? Glen.
I killed him.
Sorry, mate.
What'd you kill him for? He called you a vegetable.
[SIGHS.]
He called me a vegetable? He said you'd been shot through the head, you were brain dead, on life support, never to recover, a complete mental retard.
And he said your brain was like a .
.
like a parsnip.
HENDY: These are to April, right? Look at that.
That's a lovely comment.
That's a lovely comment.
But look at the emoji you put, it's got devil's wings.
That's a That's a cute devil, though.
There's no her in between.
It's all you.
- STOKES: Completely you.
- You're flooding her.
I give her the opportunity to send back.
What, every three seconds? Look, that one comes in That was a bad night, okay? I mean, I don't know what else to write.
- No, no, no.
Don't, don't.
- I know what I'm doing.
I actually know what I'm doing.
There you go.
Oh, great.
Well, if it wasn't over before, it is now.
- That's a big call.
- Thanks.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
You will thank me.
Oh, my God.
"No worries, big boy"? "No worries, big boy"?! "X"! - How did you do that?! - Well - [GASPS.]
Oh, no! - What? Oh, you're not gonna believe what I just did.
- What? - I just texted Hendy by mistake.
- You weren't gonna text him.
- I know I wasn't.
- I meant to send it to someone else.
- What does it say? "No worries, big boy.
" [INHALES SHARPLY.]
That's not good.
- She knows men.
- And women, it seems.
You probably know both.
Okay.
You killed Glen because he called me a parsnip.
- Yeah.
- You killed him.
Yeah.
And he was playing with a little miniature chopper.
But mostly the vegetables.
[GROANS.]
I mean, it sounds It sounds ridiculous.
Yeah, it is a bit ridiculous, mate.
In context, it was incredibly offensive, incredibly abusive.
And I just snapped.
Yeah, I'm appreciative of your care for me.
But we are now in the shit, do you understand that? I know.
- Who was it for? - It was meant for my dad.
"No worries, big boy"? To your dad? Yeah.
Lachy, where the - Where'd he go? - I didn't see him leave.
Lachy? Oh, jee Lachy! I mean, this is the boss's nephew.
- We are in deep shtuck.
- I know.
Like a vegetable soup, you know what I'm saying? Mate, don't mock me.
What'd you do with him? [INHALES SHARPLY.]
He's here.
Here? HERE here? Where here? He's in those three barrels.
He's in thirds.
Mate, why'd you bring him here for? I had to bring him somewhere! [CLEARS THROAT.]
Anything happened? - Nuh.
- WOMAN: Car 72, please report.
Car 72, no activity.
No activity.
Copy that.
[JAZZY MUSIC.]
[STOKES SCATS.]
Don't squeeze it If it's gonna hurty [SCATS.]
When I go through that door, I need to know you're right be-fucking-hind me! - You went against protocol! - Protocol? It's not the way we play things.
You know that! When did you become such a pussy, huh? Huh? - Goddamn you.
- You remember back in the day, huh? - When we were wild and on fire? - Yeah.
We were kicking in doors and taking names.
Now when I look at you, honestly, I feel like I'm looking at a ghost.
You're dead already.
WOMAN OVER RADIO: Car 72, please report.
[REGULAR ACCENT.]
Uh, Car 72.
No activity.
Just ask them if we can get Actually, don't worry about it.
It's fine.
[SIGHS.]
- That was good.
- That was a good one.
Was kinda gritty.
Had an edge to it.
Yeah.
That's the kinda stuff, you know? That's the kind of really realistic American cop show like 'The Wire'.
- Yes.
I love that show.
- You've seen it? I can't understand a word they say, but I like the pictures.
You know, a real cop and a real journalist wrote that.
- Fair dinkum! - Yeah, they wrote it.
But they got actors to do it, see? We could write that stuff, 'cause we've seen it.
- We know the stuff.
- We live it.
But we should act in it.
[LAUGHS.]
We can't act.
Yes, we can.
You know, acting's just being, really.
And we're doing that right now, aren't we? - I think there's more to it than that.
- No, there's not.
They make you think there is, but there's actually not.
- You know what the acting test is? - What? Just saying to someone, looking in their eye, saying, "I love you.
" - [TITTERS.]
- And meaning it and being believed.
- If you can do that, you're an actor.
- I love you.
- No, I didn't mean "Let's do it.
" - I love you.
- I love you.
- No.
[BREATHILY.]
I love you.
- What is that? - That's just a sensual version.
It felt angry.
- [EMOTIONALLY.]
I love you! - What are you doing? - I was broken.
- No, just say it.
- Just say it simply.
- [FLAT.]
I love you.
- No, no.
Just release your belly.
- Don't touch me there.
- Huh-huh-huh.
Contact your - I love you.
- Nuh.
- I love you.
No.
I'll show you.
You're just blocking me all the time! No, I'll show you.
[SIGHS.]
You gotta be [MOANS.]
You gotta relax your instrument.
- Action! - No, no, no.
Don't say 'Action'.
[MOANS.]
You look like you're wanking.
I'm relaxing my jaw muscles.
[EXHALES.]
- The moment's gone.
- No, it's still coming.
- The moment's here.
- All right.
And go.
[MUTTERS.]
I'm not saying anything.
Still rolling.
[SLURS.]
I love you.
You look like a trout.
See? We can't act.
- Stokes.
- Mmm? I love you.
I love you.
- Wow.
That was powerful.
- Mmm.
- You got me right in here.
- Yeah, I felt it.
- You felt it? - I could feel you feeling it.
It was something quite It came from somewhere.
Yeah, yeah.
I was acting.
It's acting.
Sorry, do I actually need to be here for all this? - I couldn't - Yes, you do.
This is an ongoing large-scale police investigation.
You're a witness.
You're here to identify any potential suspects we may observe.
That's the job, lady.
So don't get above yourself, lady.
You know if you hold a frog's mouth open long enough it'll suffocate? - Really? - Mmm.
I can see that.
[THEME MUSIC.]
Out here on my own Why's it always take so long? I'm ready for the moment Forget about the future I'm ready for the pressure to blow.
MAN: Operation Big Red still under way.
Shipment of methamphetamines tracked in a city warehouse guarded by a small fish.
Let's sit on it, see if some big fish stick their head out.
Watch out.
That's really hot.
Watch out.
Have a little sip, but watch out, it's really hot.
Hey, hey, not too much.
It's very hot.
I don't want you to burn yourself.
- Yeah, I'm fine, mate.
I'm fine.
- Are you sure? You're all right? Yeah, course I'm all right.
What are you talking about? I mean are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine, mate.
Look at me.
I mean, how are the injuries? I mean, how's the Nah, I'm good, mate.
I'm good.
Got lucky, mate.
Got lucky.
Yeah, I heard it went straight through.
It did.
Straight through the shoulder.
I heard it went straight through your brain.
Through me brain? I heard it went straight through, in one side, out the other, and you were a complete vegetable.
- Really? - Yeah.
And you were on life support, completely brain dead.
- Really? - Yeah.
Who told you that? Glen.
- Glen told you that? - Yeah.
How'd you go with Glen? Yeah, he's a good bloke.
Funny.
- Full of stories.
- Yeah.
- Really like him.
- I think he's a pain in the arse.
Anyway.
Anyway, someone said to me the other day they're looking for him.
I had a dream last night.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Did you record it? - Yeah.
Thought so.
- You wanna hear it? - Nuh.
- You're in it.
- Am I? - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
You'll like this.
JIMMY ON RECORDING: He's naked from the waist up.
He's kinda normal except that he's got this incredible set of breasts.
Not like teats or udders, but human breasts.
Like, beautiful, pert yet pendulous 17-year-old boobs.
And he's looking very piercingly into my eyes.
And he's dancing, he's kinda swaying back and forth.
Not sexually, more sensually.
And he's looking at me with his eyes.
And he just reaches out with all of his fingers and says, "Come!" "Come!" How good's that? It's interesting, huh? Mmm.
I think, uh, it might be best if you leave your dreams at home, mate.
Would be my advice.
Why? It was just just a dream.
It's just kind of a dream logic.
You know, this is just about you .
.
you returning, coming home.
- Yep.
Yep.
- You kinda making a full recovery.
You coming back, just coming back to entertain me, you know? What about the tits? APRIL: Car 72, please report.
Car 72, please report.
Car 72, no activity.
- Thank you.
- [CAMERA CLICKS.]
[CAMERA CLICKS TWICE.]
Are you taking photos, Lachlan? - [CAMERA CLICKS.]
- [APRIL CLEARS HER THROAT.]
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't, Lach - [CLICK!.]
- [APRIL GROANS UNCOMFORTABLY.]
[CLICK!.]
How's school going? Is it good? [CLICK!.]
- [CLICK!.]
- Okay.
Mate, get out of my seat.
Sorry.
No worries.
It's fine.
Didn't think he'd be here so Been here a while, haven't you, mate? Tony was supposed to come and pick Your dad's gonna come and pick you up, isn't he, mate? Probably about another half an hour, I reckon.
That'll be fun.
[MOUTHS SILENTLY.]
Mmm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Just I can't leave him at home at the moment by himself.
Not after what happened last night.
It's all right, mate.
Not gonna embarrass you.
Not gonna go into the details.
Let's put it this way, we won't be getting another fish tank.
- Wow.
Okay.
- Not one like that, anyway.
I won't be paying for it.
Maybe your dad will take you down to Feathers and Fins, but it won't be coming out of my pay packet.
Mmm.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
What are you taking photos of April for? - Give us the phone.
- No.
Give me the phone.
Lachy, give me the Give us the [MUTTERS.]
- [SCOFFS.]
You posing for him? - Carol, I really wasn't.
You don't know what he does with these photos.
- No.
Okay.
- He'll cut out the face.
He'll put that Oh, you just I was gone for two minutes, you know? I expect you to be the adult in the situation.
- I really wasn't - Enough.
Okay.
Okay.
WOMAN: The warehouse shipment has been confirmed.
It's a big one.
We're waiting for the bosses to make contact before we make our move.
[STOKES SCATS.]
So, um, what's after this for you, 'Tania'? Are you gonna turn your life around, maybe get off the streets? You think I'm, like, a prostitute? Oh, sorry, no.
Nobody's a prostitute anymore, are they? - No, they don't call them that.
- Stripper.
- Escort.
- Exotic dancer.
- Courtesan.
- That's nice.
No, I'm I'm an accountant, actually.
Never heard 'em called that! No, I really am an accountant, I thought I was doing the books for a coffee importation company.
Turned out to be a front for an international drug syndicate.
What do you think of this, by the way? - Yeah, it's nice.
Silk? - I'm glad you asked, though It's all silk.
.
.
about my new start, 'cause I actually do view it as an opportunity to kind of reset.
So in the medium-to-long term, probably not the short term, I wanna become a flight attendant on Branson's Virgin Galactic commercial spacecraft.
- That's my plan.
- That's a big dream! - I know! - That's impressive.
- Shoot for the stars, girl.
- Yeah, literally! Yeah, yeah.
And I've always loved space.
I've just been fascinated by that void, you know, being still and at one with your thoughts and you know.
Let me say, before you embark on what's obviously a big dream, um, it's pretty stupid and it's never gonna happen.
Well, I disagree.
So I think it's really important to dream.
Well within your rights to disagree.
It's important to have a dream, as long as you don't think it's actually gonna happen because this clearly isn't.
- Yes, it will.
- No, it's never gonna happen.
And I'll tell you why.
Firstly, um, it's been happening 'in the next year or so' for the past decade.
His own mother is on the record as saying it's not gonna happen.
- She was a flight attendant.
- Well, that's a point.
Have you done any had any experience? No, but I always fly Virgin whenever I get the chance.
Okay, so there's perhaps 20,000 people who are perhaps better qualified than yourself to fly in this mythical intergalactic flight.
That's the other thing about space.
- Space is boring.
- Space is amazing! Space is an opportunity to just be in the moment, be in the void with your thoughts.
HENDY: Travelling in space would be more like catching a bus from here to Broome at night with no windows.
There's your space travel.
Well, that's your opinion.
You know, Hendy, give her a break.
I'm trying to give her a break.
Sure, it's an utterly ridiculous dream, completely unachievable.
By the time she gets there she'll be an old chook.
But, you know, it's important to have these things.
Long as she knows she's probably better off staying on the streets.
Well, familiar territory.
She's been a hostess of sorts already.
A hostess of the flesh.
And she could move into the house.
The madame of the house.
I am not a prostitute! All right.
JIMMY: So, yeah, he's come out of the closet.
- I think it's very, very brave.
- Really? Yeah, I'm proud of the commitment there.
I mean, you're really sticking your neck out.
No, he's not! He's a coward, mate.
- Listen, how old is he? - He's 41.
Yeah, right.
No.
What's wrong with that? I mean, the guy's had an incredible career.
Not even a real sport for a start.
But if you do that when you're 22, that takes balls, all right? If you do that when you're 82, that takes balls, all right? What's the difference? There's a whole legacy behind you, mate.
You've lied to your entire family and now you've gotta own up to it before you die.
That's something, you know? This guy, mate, he's looking for a book deal.
He's in the decline, mate.
He's finished.
Rugby league, mate, that's a sport.
Imagine coming out in the preamble to a State of Origin.
- As a footballer? - As a gay man.
As a gay prop forward.
That'd take some guts.
That would take some guts! Imagine coming out with your lover in State of Origin, one playing for Queensland, one playing for New South Wales.
Imagine that.
How big your balls would be to do that.
[STOKES SCATS BADLY.]
- That's really good, isn't it? - Wow.
Yeah.
- Was that not an established song? - No, I just made it up.
It's really impressive, isn't it, Tania? Yeah, yes.
I didn't realise that wasn't a proper song.
- No, come on.
- Do another one.
TANIA: Yeah, seriously.
[SCATS.]
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You got a gift.
- Yeah? - A real gift.
- Beautiful.
You should record that.
- Who'd wanna listen to that? - You should, like, upload it.
Put it online.
Yeah, it'll go viral, that sort of thing.
- No! - On YouTubes.
- Yeah! - Justin Bieber started that way.
It was like a YouTube thing and it just snowballed.
- Really? - Yeah.
- He's famous.
- Yeah.
And you don't have to rehearse.
Just let it flow through you.
Ready and action.
[SCATS.]
Great.
That's really good.
Amazing.
That's really beautiful.
What are you doing with it? Just uploading it onto the YouTubes.
What happens next? It goes big.
It's gonna go viral.
- It's quite exciting, really.
- Mmm, it sure is.
If it works, we could do a whole series.
And it's up there now.
MAN: Our intelligence is indicating that one of their own has gone missing.
It's ruffling feathers internally.
So something could come to a head here.
Keep your eyes open.
JIMMY: Yeah, the night before, as lovers.
Two brave, naked men.
Yeah, no colours.
There's no blue, no maroon.
- Alone.
- Just the colour of skin.
Just love.
Just muscle, brawn, bravery.
Maybe a light snack, a light dinner.
Sure.
We've lit the candles.
I mean, those eyes would say it all.
- I love you, mate.
- I love you too.
Doesn't even need to be said.
- Let's not say it.
- Let's just go to bed.
Let us not speak of things football.
Let us just love as one beating heart.
Do you wanna spoon me? - And then the morning comes.
- They're still in love.
Things are strong.
Fresh fruit.
Fresh fruit, some plunger coffee.
Maybe some protein powders, some amino acids.
A juice.
Maybe they catch a ride together out to the stadium.
- They drive together.
Very simple.
- Of course.
- Just holding hands.
- Yeah, not making a big deal out of it.
Just travelling to the game.
Calm the nerves, calm the nerves.
But barely able to look at each other.
Oh, no, the tension would be palpable.
- Yeah.
- Then they get to the ground.
And they walk through their separate tunnels onto the field, there's the roar of the crowd, and they look at each other.
- And they know.
- Love becomes war.
And then that whistle goes.
Then they're no longer lovers.
No way.
State against state.
Mate against mate.
Gay against gay.
- How good would that be? - Whoa.
I'm just kind of Phwoar.
- Just thinking about it.
- Yeah.
HENDY: Here we go.
Comments.
- "This guy sucks balls.
" - STOKES: Oh! "This guy's head is like something" "that should be in a dog's bowl.
" - Oh, get fucked.
- Ohh Don't Did you push 'like'? Don't 'like' it.
"Who's the singing faggot?" I don't condone the language, but the sentiment's right.
That's it.
Turn that Take it off now! - Take it off! - Well, I sort of agree.
Oh, this is bullshit.
You two set me up.
Maybe from now on you'll stop singing in the car.
Because it's fucking annoying and it sounds stupid and every single 'scat' you do sounds exactly the same.
So next time you go to do it, look that up on YouTube, 'Dickhead Sings in Car', look at yourself and think, "No, I won't do that again.
" "It's annoying and stupid.
" Sorry, but it's true.
CAROL: You need to come and pick him up now, please.
[SOFTLY.]
It's not fair on him too, you know? Is the suspension gonna affect his grades? Is he missing out on That ship's sailed.
Oh, okay.
Although, when he was in grade 2, when he was a little bloke, he was put into the gifted stream.
- Amazing! - Yeah, massive.
We were thrilled, we were just rapt, you know? And then after a while, he was only there for one term, it became pretty apparent that he didn't understand a lot of it.
And well, we got a phone call.
- Yeah? - There's another Lachy.
- Yep.
- There'd been a mix-up.
And that other kid Lachy, like, he is smart.
- He's Asian smart.
- Yeah, right? He's not Asian, but he's Asian smart.
[WHISTLES APPRECIATIVELY.]
- I see what you're saying, yeah.
- Yeah.
So he was just put back into the normal stream.
But for that time, you know, it was that sort of I don't know, in the moment, it was sort of like he could be anything.
You know, the possibilities were endless.
Yeah.
I think it was a real turning point for him too, 'cause after that, you know, to be certified 'not a genius' - 'Not a genius'.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
He does all right, don't ya, mate? - [COMPUTER GAME TRILLS.]
- Hey, that's the next level! He's good at that.
He's very good at that.
BRUCE: You know what a fan I am of me music, mate.
He says, "Regrets, I've had a few.
" "Regrets, I've had a few.
" And I'm going, "Yeah, I'm in, I'm there.
" "I understand that, you know? We've all had 'em.
" "But then again, too few to mention.
" Please, dickhead.
You know? It's either one way or the other.
[JIMMY SNIFFS.]
I killed Glen.
- You what? - [SIGHS.]
I killed Glen.
Glen Glen? Glen.
I killed him.
Sorry, mate.
What'd you kill him for? He called you a vegetable.
[SIGHS.]
He called me a vegetable? He said you'd been shot through the head, you were brain dead, on life support, never to recover, a complete mental retard.
And he said your brain was like a .
.
like a parsnip.
HENDY: These are to April, right? Look at that.
That's a lovely comment.
That's a lovely comment.
But look at the emoji you put, it's got devil's wings.
That's a That's a cute devil, though.
There's no her in between.
It's all you.
- STOKES: Completely you.
- You're flooding her.
I give her the opportunity to send back.
What, every three seconds? Look, that one comes in That was a bad night, okay? I mean, I don't know what else to write.
- No, no, no.
Don't, don't.
- I know what I'm doing.
I actually know what I'm doing.
There you go.
Oh, great.
Well, if it wasn't over before, it is now.
- That's a big call.
- Thanks.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
You will thank me.
Oh, my God.
"No worries, big boy"? "No worries, big boy"?! "X"! - How did you do that?! - Well - [GASPS.]
Oh, no! - What? Oh, you're not gonna believe what I just did.
- What? - I just texted Hendy by mistake.
- You weren't gonna text him.
- I know I wasn't.
- I meant to send it to someone else.
- What does it say? "No worries, big boy.
" [INHALES SHARPLY.]
That's not good.
- She knows men.
- And women, it seems.
You probably know both.
Okay.
You killed Glen because he called me a parsnip.
- Yeah.
- You killed him.
Yeah.
And he was playing with a little miniature chopper.
But mostly the vegetables.
[GROANS.]
I mean, it sounds It sounds ridiculous.
Yeah, it is a bit ridiculous, mate.
In context, it was incredibly offensive, incredibly abusive.
And I just snapped.
Yeah, I'm appreciative of your care for me.
But we are now in the shit, do you understand that? I know.
- Who was it for? - It was meant for my dad.
"No worries, big boy"? To your dad? Yeah.
Lachy, where the - Where'd he go? - I didn't see him leave.
Lachy? Oh, jee Lachy! I mean, this is the boss's nephew.
- We are in deep shtuck.
- I know.
Like a vegetable soup, you know what I'm saying? Mate, don't mock me.
What'd you do with him? [INHALES SHARPLY.]
He's here.
Here? HERE here? Where here? He's in those three barrels.
He's in thirds.
Mate, why'd you bring him here for? I had to bring him somewhere! [CLEARS THROAT.]
Anything happened? - Nuh.
- WOMAN: Car 72, please report.
Car 72, no activity.
No activity.
Copy that.
[JAZZY MUSIC.]
[STOKES SCATS.]
Don't squeeze it If it's gonna hurty [SCATS.]