Northern Exposure s01e04 Episode Script

(radio) This is "Chris in the Morning".
Special days call for special songs.
This one's for you, Doc.
Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp? Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong? Who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop? Who put the dip in the dip-di-dip-di-dip? Who was that man? I'd like to shake his hand He made my baby fall in love with me Yeah When my baby heard "Bomp a-ba-bomp a-bomp a-bomp-bomp" Every word went right into her heart And when she heard them singing "Ram-a-lam a-lam-a-lam-a-lam a-ding-dong" She said we'd never have to part So who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp (Joel) After you've been in a place for a while, everything starts to look I won't say better- there's no need to go to extremes - but your everyday life does become more familiar.
You begin to recognise the faces - which is understandable, since they're the only ones you see any more.
But the locals know me, and know it's been two months since my fiancée Elaine and I have been together.
Sure, we talk on the phone regularly and I've even dropped her a missive or two.
But lonely-guy letters and long-distance calls are a poor substitute for a big kiss and a big, big hug.
So they're goin' all-out to make it a special weekend.
Holling's taking us to his favourite scenic spot so we can take a romantic photograph to send as a New Year's card, Chris Stevens is gonna play some of our faves on the morning show Even Marilyn has promised not to drive me crazy, so I'm a happy camper.
And you are not.
- You got a little something for my throat? - You haven't swallowed in ten minutes.
Not a good sign when you're runnin' 102.
Great! Sorry.
It should run its course in a couple of days.
But I got a round-tripper waitin' in Anchorage.
Well, you'd better cancel it.
I can't do that.
I got paid in advance.
Well, you go up in an unpressurised cabin with your tubes clogged, you can easily do permanent damage to your eardrums.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think it's worth the risk.
You gotta have somethin' that can fix me up.
Outside of rest and my bubbe's recipe for chicken soup, all we can do is let the virus run its course.
Nine years in the twilight game and I never stranded a passenger before.
- You tell him it was doctor's orders.
- It's a her.
I'm sure she'll forgive you.
Poor gal's flying all the way in from New York City.
By any chance is this "poor gal's" name Elaine Schulman? That's amazing.
No, no This is my fiancée you are not flying in.
This is impossible.
I made the reservation through Charles Murphy and Sons, and you are - Red's my nickname.
- Can't your sons cover for you? Martin's four, Brett is two The old lady said a family operation would give me a competitive edge.
I paid you in advance! Doctor's orders.
There's got to be someone, Ed.
How about Charlie Bates? Is he a good pilot? When he's sober.
No drunks, no felons and no one named Maggie.
Her real name's Mary-Margaret.
You gotta understand, Elaine is a nice person.
Too nice.
A vindictive piece of shrapnel like Maggie would gladly rip her to shreds to get back at me.
- She'd do that? - You'd better believe she would.
My pilot just flew in the door.
Hey, Rick.
The Don Johnson look is a bit out of date, but it looks all right on you.
What? I'm in a jam.
What are you doin' for the next few hours? - Sleeping.
- Sleeping? Yeah.
I flew out to Kodiak, over to Pingo Lake, down to Kenai, over to Seward, up to Talkeetna and back home again all in one day.
What'll it take to persuade you to hop down to Anchorage on a mercy mission? Yeah, right.
Save my spot, will ya? Thanks, Rick.
Stop by the office next time you swallow poison.
It doesn't look like Holling can take you on that trip tomorrow.
It doesn't look like Elaine will make it either.
- Where's Holling gonna be? - In bed.
- You guys! - No.
He's sick.
And Holling doesn't get sick unless it's major.
You never get sick if you live right and keep your negative vibes to yourself.
- I'll stop by.
- Would you? Charlie Bates has been on the wagon for three months.
- Is he available? - Yeah.
But his plane won't be out of the shop till Tuesday.
OK.
OK.
Certain things were said regarding an air-conditioning unit, and I regret that.
Go on.
I imagine certain colourful phrases came out of your mouth that you regret as well.
Go on.
Elaine is flying into Anchorage today.
- What time? - 2.
15.
- Well, I guess I'd better get going.
- Wait You'll do it? - Like to make other arrangements? - No, no, that's great.
It's just What? Being my fiancée, Elaine is very special to me.
I would hope so.
I don't want any white-knucklers up there.
And try to keep any extraneous remarks or bogus opinions you have about me, or any matters of consequence to yourself for the duration of the flight.
Grow up.
You need a pilot, I'm a pilot.
It's a business transaction.
- Exactly.
It's just business.
- Exactly.
That's why I'm charging you double.
Joey! Where's all the snow? And the Eskimos and the igloos and the glaciers? Wha-ha-hey! Hi, honey.
Gets a little hairy goin' over those peaks with all those air pockets, huh? - Piece of cake when you got an A pilot.
- The ride's only as good as its passenger.
- Am I missing something here? - Yeah.
Me.
You got that right.
I was worried about you.
- I brought everything on your wish list.
- I'll vouch for that.
Help her.
With what she's charging, she can carry it.
What do you mean? - She is? - Yeah.
Isn't that nice? Let's see, here you go And this is for you.
Here's a little-known biblical fact: When Moses led the Israelites out of bondage, what he was really looking for was a pastrami on rye from the Stage Deli.
- Does my Elaine take care of me or what? - You're a lucky man, Fleischman.
So, Maggie, we'll see you, say, 6.
30 tonight? If it's such a big deal, we'll call them and cancel.
No, we'll go through with it.
I'm sorry.
I thought you two were buddies.
What's wrong with her? For starters, her boyfriend's from a long line of Cossacks.
Well, I think Maggie is terrific.
She reminds me of Kate Grubin - after she got her nose fixed.
I don't know, she just rubs me the wrong way.
But hopefully you still remember how to rub me the right way.
Oh, Joey, you're so tight! It's Alaska.
It's completely constricting my central nervous system.
Ahh Then maybe we should cancel tonight.
(door creaks open) - Ed? - You must be Elaine.
- What are you doing here? - Maurice needs you.
See? This is why I need a major law firm behind me.
Why exactly does Maurice need to see me? He's sick.
Oh.
- Him and Chris are in your office.
- Chris is sick too? Chris is puking.
Maurice is sick.
Welcome to Cicely.
Don't worry about me.
I'll grab dinner with Maggie, make it a girls' night out.
Hey, you look terrific.
You're listening to the Chris in the Morning Show.
This is Ed for Chris, who woke up on the funky side of the bed this morning, so he asked Will Cutter to fill in for him, but Cutter came down with a fever.
So did Annie Hendrix and Holling Vincoeur and Bill Casebear, so I volunteered to cover the request lines.
So if there's anything you wanna say or hear, you can say or hear it right here on the Minnifield Communications Network.
And I hope you all get to feeling better, and that goes double and triple for you, Maurice.
And this is something I've wanted to do for a long time, so here goes Gooood morning, Cicely! New York, New York, big city of dreams But everything in New York ain't always what it seems You might get fooled if you come from out of town But I'm down by law and I know my way around Too much, too many people, too much Too much, too many people, too much Agh! (everyone coughing) Dr Serrano, I know that the flu season doesn't officially begin for two months, but try tellin' that to the people who've been barfing in my bathroom all night.
If you smelt what is wafting in from my waiting room, you'd appreciate the delicacy of the situation.
Marilyn! And this from a guy who's used the facilities at Coney Island.
Something stinks worse than ever.
Use the disinfectant - lemon-scented, not pine.
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
Now, clinically speaking, this is not an epidemic yet, but none of these people are inoculated and they lack a certain savoir-faire when it comes to most of the common medical practices of the 20th century Hold on.
Marilyn! That stench is getting worse.
Now please! I will be off the phone in a second.
I cannot wait for the paperwork to catch up with the virus.
I need a nurse starting yesterday, bags of IV fluid, I need vats of chicken soup airlifted from Brooklyn, and I need to see my fiancée.
She's in town for a very limited time frame, and she hasn't called, so Please, whatever you can do to speed things up, hurry.
Thank you.
Marilyn, wha What are you doing? Wha What are they doing?! What is that? Gimme this! Gimme that.
Excuse me Ugh! Stop this! What is this? An ancient tribal remedy.
It smells like moose dung! What is in there? Hi-yo-hi-yo-ip-se-ni-yo.
- What? - It's a tribal remedy.
Please, take your hi-yo outside where I can't smell it! And clean yourself up, all of you! I'll get some towels.
Where are the towels? - What were you thinking? - I was just helping them.
What's the native logic? If you feel like crap, you should smell like it too? It works.
Marilyn, I am a medical doctor, a man of science and reason and learning.
I can be sued for malpractice for treating a viral infection with What was in that bucket anyway? - You don't tell me, I swear - (man) Flowers for Joey Fleischman.
- "Joey"? - Just give 'em the towels.
Joey? Elaine? In here.
Hello, Dr Fleischman.
Hello, Ms Schulman.
How good to see you again.
I've been keeping a spot nice and warm for you.
The very spot I've been thinking about all day.
- Notice anything different? - You got a tattoo? Yeah.
But I was talking about the air conditioner.
- Who hooked that up? - Maggie.
- She was here? - You just missed her.
She hooked this up no problem, no commentary? - You're lucky to have her for a super.
- Lucky?! If we were in New York, I'd be suing her for harassment and non-support.
Joel! She called me a pathological neurotic, OK? You know how the imprecise use of medical terminology drives me crazy.
I know.
But it seems a little superfluous to use an air conditioner in Alaska.
- The hum helps me get to sleep.
- We have to do our part to save energy.
Discussing Maggie's conservation tips is about the last thing I wanna do now.
What's just about the first? I can barely remember.
Well, why don't you lie down over here and I'll help jog your memory? Do you realise how close you came to subverting my romantic inclinations? - How close? - Very.
How close? Joel - As close as close gets.
- Your Indian friend is in the doorway.
- Ed?! - Sorry, Dr Fleischman.
Maurice has called an emergency town meeting.
- What's that got to do with me? - You're the featured speaker.
I don't like a sick town.
It's bad for business, it's bad for morale, it's bad for your health.
Now we brought this man here to keep us healthy, and here we are, all sick! And we've got a right to know why you've failed us so miserably! (shouts of "Yeah" and "That's right") OK, OK.
Thank you for that gracious introduction, Maurice.
- Just answer the question.
- (general agreement) OK, OK.
OK, I will.
I will.
I believe the first question is how come there is no known cure for the flu? Now, stripping away all the jargon and the platitudes, the real answer is beats the hell outta me.
So, working with that premise, the next question becomes isn't there something that we in the medical community - i.
e.
, me - can do for you, the afflicted, for the next 36 to 48 hours, or until this virus realises it'd find a more evolved immune system in the lower 48? The answer is, not a helluva lot, except try and answer your questions in a calm and reasonable manner.
Just what kind of flu have we got here, Doc? That's an excellent question, Holling.
A flu virus is named for its point of origin.
The Shanghai flu, the Hong Kong flu, the Russian flu, the Westchester - So it could be Russian flu? - Certainly.
I never did trust Gorbachev.
We all know that glasnost's just a big crock anyway.
(agreement) Wait a second One thing's got nothing to do with the other.
Perestroika is a total failure too! - The whole Commie system's bankrupt! - (Joel) It's beside the point! It's pretty sad when the Soviets' only hope for world domination is to send a flock of sick birds across the Bering Strait.
Don't be ridiculous! This is not a political conspiracy, this is a medical problem.
- That's easy for you to say! - What is that supposed to mean? It means your grandfather was probably a Trotskyite.
And your parents marched in candlelit vigils for Julius and Ethel Rosenberg! Maurice? - We're sick of resting! - And we're tired of fluids! We want answers, and we want 'em now! (agreement) Why don't you go down to the lower 48 and bring us back a vaccine? People get mean when they get sick, but they don't mean it.
But you really held your ground up there, Dr Fleischman, and, despite everything, I think everyone learned a lot of good stuff.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
I never knew there was a power struggle in the Kremlin after Andropov died.
Good night, Ed.
Any urgent messages you feel compelled to deliver, slip 'em under the door, OK? - OK.
Get some sleep.
- Not if I can help it.
Is there a sexy woman in the vicinity of these lips, who is in the market for a warm body and a superior lover? Oh, no.
Let me get this straight, Dr Serrano.
You refuse to give me any backup or technical support until some flunky lab tech down in Anchorage confirms my diagnosis? I don't care if he's your nephew! This town is on the verge of a crisis.
Things are getting out of control.
I am dealing with a hysterical, potentially violent set of patients who have accused me of being the KGB point man for central Alaska.
It's not funny.
Neither is staying up all night watching my fiancée sweat through three sets of sheets with no help from me.
Elaine, get back in bed.
- I need more tea.
- I'll bring it in to you.
I'm perfectly capable of boiling a pot of water.
Oh, don't start crying.
Please, Elaine, please.
You know how demoralised I get when you cry.
Stop.
Look, let me call you back.
You do that.
Thank you.
- Honey, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- For what? - For ruining all your plans.
Hey, hey! So we don't see Holling's favourite panorama.
Big deal.
We'll buy some postcards.
Look, the important thing is that we're together.
At least for the next 30 seconds.
- I gotta go in to the office.
- I know you do.
Maybe I can get someone to bring you a big bowl of chicken soup.
- How's that sound? - Nnn What? What's wrong? - I feel like I let you down.
- Hey, hey This is a highly contagious infection.
Practically the whole town's got it.
Not Maggie.
- All right, there's one glaring exception.
- Two glaring exceptions.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
It means nothing.
- No, come on.
What did she say to you? - I was just making an observation.
Look you, Elaine Schulman, daughter of Charles and Maxine Schulman, you're the person I will love and honour in sickness and, preferably, in health, in Manhattan, preferably on the Upper West Side, for the rest of my life.
Not Maggie O'Connell, so there is no reason to be jealous of her.
- I'm not jealous of her.
- (kettle whistles) OK, there was a crazy night with a bottle of Beaujolais, but nothing happened.
- I know.
- You do? The night you were so bombed and so guilty about that sleazy land deal that you didn't realise she was hitting on you until she was halfway out the door.
We were roasting marshmallows.
It just slipped out.
What an odd and convenient coincidence! We were comparing our most embarrassing moments and it just made for a good laugh.
You are so slick, O'Connell.
I am in awe of how quickly you were able to read and exploit the situation.
Is this sleep deprivation, or have you finally gone over the edge? - The way you buddied up to her - Oh, that is not true.
- How you monopolised her time - You were working.
She was bored.
Then, the pièce de résistance, how you skilfully planted the notion that maybe there was some symbiotic thing between you and me.
- In your dreams.
- You deny sabotaging our relationship? Quit blaming your interpersonal problems on me, OK? What interpersonal problems? Huh? We didn't have any till you showed up! (Ed) lines for the "Chris in the Morning Show".
Who's this? - This is Jewels up on the Kayak River.
- Hey, Jewels.
How you doin'? Lousy, with a capital Z.
Yeah, it's goin' around.
What can I do for you, Jewels? I disagree with the last caller.
Even if Dr Fleischman is incompetent, that's no reason to ship him to Siberia.
(radio off) Where is everyone? This is such a relief.
I expected a room full of feverish freedom fighters.
Seriously, where is everyone? What, no one called for an appointment? - They know you can do nothing for them.
- OK, you don't have to belabour the point.
Let's get Dr Serrano on the phone.
He just called.
"Sorry, hands are tied by red tape.
Gone fishing.
" Is this a joke? Marilyn, do I smell something? You whipped up a batch of hi-yo-hi-yo, didn't you? Marilyn! Did I not tell you that we could not legally or morally prescribe a treatment with no known value? You didn't prescribe it, I did.
How many people did you give it to? Five? Ten? Everyone?! All right, look.
Maybe if I knew what was in this tribal remedy of yours I could verify its chemical content.
So just tell me what's in it.
It smells like animal by-products.
- You don't know, or you won't tell me? - I know, but you don't wanna know.
One piping-hot chicken soup comin' up.
Oh, it doesn't look so appetising.
It's the brand they use in Holling's bar.
It's a little oily, huh? - Maybe I'll have some later.
- OK.
Still feelin' logy, huh, babe? It's like my Uncle Lou used to say: If I felt a little worse, I'd be dead, if I felt a little better, it wouldn't be me.
This has got to be the most depressing romantic weekend on record.
The most depressing part is tomorrow I'm supposed to be on a plane heading home.
OK.
OK, that's it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
- Take off your nightgown.
- Oh, honey, I'm not in the mood.
Come on.
I'm gonna smear some stuff on you.
Just a second.
- OK, come on.
- Ugh! It smells vile! - That's part of its charm.
- What is it? That's part of its charm too.
Nobody knows.
It's called hi-yo something.
It's a It's a homeopathic remedy.
One of those mystery compounds the Indians use for all sorts of infections.
Oh, yeah.
Maggie told me all about this stuff.
Sit up.
She did? She was wondering why you haven't used organic remedies sooner.
You know, if only to lessen the symptoms and get some of your more wacko patients off your back.
So now Maggie's got you questioning my medical judgment? Don't you see what she's doing? Don't you see how she's trying to tear us apart? She's like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction - on the surface she's charming and pretty, but underneath she's obsessed and demented.
Do you realise that since I have been in Alaska we have not had one conversation that didn't end in an argument over Maggie? I rest my case.
See how sneaky she is? - Sorry I brought it up.
- Me too.
But I've got an idea.
In an effort to salvage what little time we have left, let me smear this goo on you, and then I will build us a cosy little fire and we'll snuggle up with a blanket and talk about New York and all the great times we've had over the years, and we'll try not to mention the dreaded M word for the whole weekend, OK? - You've changed, Joey.
- No, I haven't.
I haven't, I swear.
I'm still me and you're still you and we're still us.
The only thing different is this place.
If we were in Manhattan, we would not be arguing over piffle, or questioning our relationship, or eating chicken soup out of a can, would we? - Probably not.
- No, definitely not.
We'd be too busy living the life that we've both dreamt about since we were kids.
The kind of life Hold that there for me.
The kind of life that'll be so satisfying, so stimulating, that Alaska will become nothing more than a dim memory that will never encroach upon our daily lives again.
OK? ("Let's Dance" by Benny Goodman) Chris Stevens! What are you doin' in the Big Apple?! - I'm fillin' in for Larry King all week.
- Good gig.
I'll have to give you a call.
- OK.
How's the wife? - Keepin' me honest.
Well, tell her I said hi and give a kiss to your sister.
Will do.
Except, what are you talkin' about, Chris? I don't have a sister.
What is this, Old Home Week? What are you doin' here? We're having a walkathon across the Iditarod Trail to raise money for Russian émigrés.
Where do I sign up? My wife and I support as many charities as we can - it's a good way to network.
Remember me to her.
And regards to your sister.
I don't have a sister.
- Good afternoon, Dr Fleischman.
- Holling.
- Hi, boys.
- Toodle-oo, Miss Shelly.
- (Joel) Shelly? That's Shelly? - Yes indeed.
I see the Co-op Association accepted a new tenant while I was out of town.
- She's a call girl, sir.
- Really? - But she practises safe sex.
- That's the important thing.
I don't wanna turn this dream into a public-service announcement, but a good un cazz'with a condom is still a good un cazz'.
So Woody gets in on the 12th floor.
Doesn't even wait for me to shut the doors.
He says "Ed, I'm burnt-out, Ed.
" "My movies are dyin' at the box office, Ed.
I need a collaborator.
" "I'm just not funny any more.
" Poor schmo.
Where'd you leave it with him? Well, I said I'd read his biography on Kierkegaard and get back to him.
If I ever wake up, we'll do lunch.
Ciao, babe.
Hello, Marilyn.
Thank you.
Hi, kids.
Come here, ya little Eskimos.
Hi.
What are we eating tonight? A can of chicken soup and a chocolate moose.
Mm.
No one makes hi-yo-hi-yo-ip-se-ni-yo sauce like you, Elaine.
Aren't you a sweet brother.
A brother? Maggie? (thunderclap) Is that you? Hey, big boy.
I missed you.
You wanna go out on the roof, or you wanna do it in the atrium, or you wanna do it in the igloo? - Wait a minute - You're so tight.
Do your patients appreciate the hours you put in bilking insurance companies? Maggie So bloody cute! (coughing) - (Elaine) Oh, no, not you too! - Yeah.
I better not get too close.
How are you feeling? Nothing life-threatening.
You just don't wanna get re-exposed.
No.
But that moose rub you got really worked great.
More likely your fever just ran its course, but maybe it has recuperative powers.
- About last - About I'm sorry.
- You first.
- I just It's OK.
- That never happened before.
- You were tired.
You needed to sleep.
I did.
I did.
I was so stressed.
I know.
Just because I got better, there's no law that says you have to perform on demand.
But I wanted to.
I wanted you in the worst way.
I had the weirdest dream It's OK.
Sometimes it's hard to change gears on such short notice.
Yeah.
It was kind of sudden.
One second you're sweating like a wart hog, the next you're peeling off your camisole - Your breakfast is getting cold.
- With this throat, I'm really not hungry.
- What time does my plane leave? - I don't know.
Red Murphy's better, so we're supposed to meet him at Holling's bar to set it up.
- Who? - Red Murphy, the pilot I originally hired.
- I'll get my suitcase.
- No, I'll get it.
Have no fear, you're still listening to Chris in the Morning with Ed, the unsung hero of KBHR.
Take it away, Ed.
Yes, some big shoes needed to be filled, and I always did have an extra-wide foot.
- Here's one for you, Elaine.
- ("Stand By Me") You are a very outgoing person, so don't be offended if these rednecks give you the cold shoulder for being caught dead with the pinko doctor.
(chatter) Let me tell ya somethin', little lady.
I had the pick of the litter of all the best medical schools in America, and I grabbed your boychik here.
- Flattery will get you nowhere, Maurice.
- And seein' as how he kept his head when all those about him were losing theirs to the temporary delusion of the flu, it just goes to show that I was a great judge of quality manpower.
(man) Thanks for the good work.
Elaine, it was a pleasure.
Please feel free to visit us at any time.
But now, if you'll excuse me, I believe Holling has prepared a fresh plate of crow for me to eat.
And I've got your table right here, Maurice.
I owe you an apology, Doc.
To send out that Indian gal took an act of courage.
It was an act of desperation, and she did it behind my back.
- It was a miracle cure.
- Well, I wouldn't go that far.
But I'm glad people seem to be feeling better.
- You oughta be awful proud of him.
- I am.
Your friends are wonderful.
Friends? 24 hours ago they wanted to deport me to Vladivostok.
- Maggie was right.
- I thought we had an agreement.
We did.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
OK.
- Right about what? - I don't wanna talk about it.
We're not gonna talk about it.
I just wanna know, right about what? She said you were a great guy.
She thinks you're funny and smart and compassionate.
And? No "and".
"But".
Oh.
She doesn't understand why you don't cut anybody any slack.
Why you can't roll with the punches.
Why you think everyone has an ulterior motive.
Why you can't be spontaneous.
And why you can't see the beauty that's all around you.
And, frankly, I didn't know what to tell her.
You kids ready for your nature trip? - I don't think so, Holling.
- (coughing) - Poor Shelly.
- Finally got hit by the flu, huh? Morning sickness.
But I'm ready when you are.
We'd love to.
But I don't think we have time.
Sure you do.
Really? You have plenty of time.
This is a very picturesque place, Holling.
Make a lovely holiday card.
"Greetings from the Netherworld.
" I'm stymied, Joel.
Normally this place is as clear as a bell.
What's that noise? - What noise? - ("Twin Peaks" music) - That noise.
- You mean Yeah.
It sounds like Would you like some coffee or doughnuts? - Do you happen to have some cherry pie? - No, but I got some banana cream.
- Hey, Joey, what's that lady holding? - What lady? Where? (Holling) That looks like a log to me.
- How weird.
- No more than a pet rock.
Y'all stand there and I'll get the Sure Shot.
This is ridiculous.
It won't come out.
Probably not.
But oftentimes, Joel, it's what you don't see that opens up your mind to the imagination.
Take your creation myths, for example.
Who woulda thunk all that up if somebody had been there to see it for themselves? That is what makes it all so excruciatingly interesting.
Susan Sontag says that images are inherently fascistic for that same reason.
- What reason is that, Elaine? - Just take the damn picture, Holling.
- Smile, Joey.
- Cheese! We could meet halfway.
We could meet in Denver for the holidays.
Thanksgiving, Easter, Rosh Hashanah I miss you already.
Yeah.
Me too.
It was just this weekend, that's all it was.
It just wasn't meant to be, you know? Mm-hm.
I know.
Oh, say goodbye to Maggie for me.
I will.
Like your sister a lot.
She's not my sister, she's my fiancée.
Hi.
Hi.
- Smells nice in here.
- Lemon.
- No patients? - Everybody's feeling better.
Great.
Great.
Um Marilyn, stop scrubbing for a second so we can have a little conversation.
Part of me wants to pick up the phone and tell the New England Journal of Medicine that I have stumbled onto a revolutionary treatment for acute influenza.
The other side of me realises that if I try to publish a scholarly article documenting the recuperative properties of hi-yo-hi-yo-ip-se-ni-yo, I'll lose whatever tenuous standing I have in the medical community.
So, rather than risk ridicule, you know what might work? No.
If I could analyse the chemical composition of that moose stuff, we could sell the formula to a major drug company - and I mean for major money.
We'd be equal partners.
You could apply your half to various tribal projects, I could take my half and retire for the rest of my life.
Sound plausible? Great.
OK, I guess we should start with square one.
You tell me in specific terms what you put in that remedy.
So we can understand what makes it smell so grotesque.
Marilyn? Marilyn? (groans) (knock at door) - What? - It's Maggie.
Enter.
- Boy, you look bad.
- Yeah.
Well, I feel terrible.
You really look awful, like death warmed over.
All right, all right! I'm sick, what do you expect? - Bad timing, huh? - What do you mean? Everybody getting sick, Elaine coming in She's great, by the way.
Yeah, I know that.
Anyway, thanks for being so nice to her.
Yeah.
You know, she'd make a great sister.
- What does that mean? - Nothing.
I have two brothers.
It would've been great to have a sister like her, that's all.
Oh.
- So, you gonna be OK? - Yeah.
I made myself some chicken soup, hot tea I could use some of Marilyn's hi-yo-hi-yo-ip-se-ni-yo, but apparently she ran out.
What? - That's? - Hi-yo-hi-yo-ip-se-ni-yo.
Where'd you get that? I got some for me, in case I came down with the flu, which I haven't.
Yeah.
I noticed that.
Would you like me to rub this all over you? Yeah, that would be You would? In your dreams, Fleischman.
(groans)