Pause with Sam Jay (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

- Hey!
- What up?
How you doing?
- What's going on, superstar?
Hey, what's up?
- How you doing?
- How are you? Hey!
How are you?
- I'm good, yo.
- What's up?
- I'm good. How you doing?
- This is my girlfriend.
- It's nice to meet you.
- This is my friend Wesley; we
went to high school together.
- Nice to meet you.
- You need to get
the inside scoop
from when she had her wraps.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- And it's like, I can put
a computer together
and talk to a ugly
American white lady
and be like, "You're a queen,"
and the bitch give me $5,000?
I'm taking that.
I wanna be one of them niggas
that gets rich off pork bellies
and shit.
There's niggas getting rich
off bacon.
Like, come on, dog.
- That's the easiest way
to create generational wealth.
You die, your kid--you got
a million-dollar policy?
You dead, your kids eat.
They're good.
- I had the babies all day.
I took them out of the house
because she had--
- Oh, you took--
them grown-ass people.
You talking about babies?
- They are 21 and 20 years old.
They are not babies.
- Them niggas could do time.
They get locked up with us.
They are not children.
- You remember that Crip
we had in school?
He used to always--
he had his Crip Bible.
- What's in a Crip Bible?
- Crip religion, my nigga.
You're acting crazy
'cause you're part white.
Don't do that.
Don't make me expose you.
all: Oh!
- Don't do that.
- Cut the camera!
Cut the--
- Yo, this is what happens,
right?
- What happens?
- I will DM Wesley,
and I'll be like, "Nigga"
"My money manager's telling me
I gotta pay taxes."
"And I'm mad about the shit."
And then he'll be like,
"You do."
And I'll be like, "Why?"
- Oh, my God.
- And then I don't talk to him
for, like, weeks,
and then I, like, buy a chain,
and I'm like, "Yeah, yeah."
And then I'll read something
he posted.
He's like,
"If you wear your money,
you're probably not
making money."
And I'm like,
"Fuck this nigga."
"Fuck this nigga.
He don't know my life."
Especially 'cause, like,
I'll call my business manager
and I'll be like,
"Yo, can I get a grill?"
And then they gonna be like,
"No, you can't afford it."
But it's like, bitch--
- You said a grill?
- Yeah, like--
- Like, the one on your teeth
or the one--
- On my teeth, Dad.
- The cooking one is practical,
though.
- He is the money man.
- Yeah, he's the money man.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'd be like,
"I want a grill for my teeth."
The nigga be like,
"Oh, you can't afford it."
And it's like,
"How can I not afford it?
Nigga, I got a HBO show."
Not--not--you know,
I'm not coming on Sundays.
But, nigga, I'm coming on TV.
- Yes.
- I should be able
to get this shit.
It's hella--it's a little
fucking frustrating,
you know what I mean?
- Maybe "Can't afford it"
is his way of telling you
you shouldn't afford it.
- But it's also like,
just tell me
the white people secrets
of how to get this bread.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Stop fucking with me,
you know what I mean?
- You want the white people
secrets.
- I wanna know the shit.
- I want
the white people secrets.
- You have them.
Don't lie.
Claire has 'em.
- You are it.
You're already doing it.
- No, I'm not, dog.
I'm buying sneakers.
- You're talking
about investments.
- And I know that's not right.
I want the secret secrets,
motherfucker.
- If you had listened to Elon,
you could've invested
in Dogecoin.
- I got a little bit.
- So there you go!
- I got a little--shut up.
Nah, I'm out of here.
- Nah, that's not it.
Dogecoin ain't it.
- The biggest fear is, like,
I know I'm making enough money
that my money
should be making money.
- Right.
- And I'm at a place in my life
where I'm like,
"I shouldn't necessarily
ever go broke again.
I should never be broke again
if I do this right."
Even just about me,
it's like,
nigga got a family and shit,
you know what I'm saying?
- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.
- And I the only person who's,
like, built a surplus
so they rely on me financially
sometimes for shit.
They're not fucking failures
'cause they're asking me
for something.
It's just like, shit's
fucked up sometimes, bro.
- Right, right, right.
- But I should be able
to help them
buy a grill, buy sneakers,
and still have fucking money.
- The teeth grill still?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- And still have money.
I should be able to do
all the things,
you know what I'm saying?
- Right.
- And there are
fucking secrets,
so, Claire,
give 'em the fuck up!
- I have no secret.
- Got them all.
- Yo, when they told me
we was gonna do this, I like,
"Yo, I don't know
how to fucking play golf."
- You don't know
how to do this?
- Hell no.
- I don't either.
And I have, like,
no depth perception at all.
But what is a, like,
multimillionaire's routine?
Like, what's
your daily routine?
- My first thing I do is
my alarm goes off
around 6:00, 6:00 a.m.
- So problem one is I'm getting
up at 1:00 in the afternoon.
- If you wake up too late,
all the money's off the table.
Everyone who gets up early took
all the money off the table
before you wake up.
- Ooh, sound like
something Diddy would say.
For real.
Thank you.
- Of course.
You went to jail.
You mentioned that you were
in prison.
- Yeah.
- And you went to jail
for selling weed.
- Yeah.
- How much weed?
You were selling a lot of weed?
- It was a lot of weed.
It was a lot of weed.
It was a lot of weed.
I mean, my indictment
was for 3,000 kilograms.
- Ooh, you better bag
all that weed.
You better be able to talk
that weed talk.
Was it good weed, or you were
selling some bullshit weed?
- Nah, see, this was back
in the day
when you didn't have
to sell good weed.
You know what I'm saying,
this was when reggie
would work;
it was a different time.
But it just got so efficient
and it got so big
that it caught the federal
government's attention,
and then it just took me into
a whole nother world and just,
you know, started me
on the journey I'm on today.
- But what turns a weed nigga
into a app nigga?
- You know,
it's crazy that for me,
tech is just a means to an end.
You know, while I was
in prison, I noticed that
we all had the same problem.
It was very difficult
and expensive to stay in touch
with our loved ones, right?
It would be crazy things.
Like, phone calls can cost
as much as $15 for 15 minutes,
and it's just ridiculous,
so that was the problem
I was trying to solve.
I wanted to make a platform
that made it easier
for people to search,
find, and connect with anyone
that they may know or love
that's currently incarcerated.
And then that just led
to the creation of my company,
Pigeonly.
- But I mean, I think people
can be definitely intimidated
moving into a space that
they're not familiar with.
- For sure, for sure.
- So how did you leave
what you had come from
and navigate
that space successfully?
Like, what were the tools
that you used?
- What I learned to do is that
when I would pitch my business
and I would talk to investors
or I would pitch to, you know,
future potential employees
and things like that,
I was--as much as they were
trying to evaluate me,
I was trying
to evaluate them
to see if I wanted
to fuck with them or not.
And as soon as I got a inkling
that they wasn't rocking
with what I was doing,
I'll move on.
- So were you
always comfortable,
or did you have to, like,
build the confidence up
to, like, step in there,
especially with your background
and everything?
- Yeah, I wasn't
100% confident,
'cause, you know, at first,
I had the thoughts of,
"Man, do I gotta put
a white face on this?"
- Mm-hmm.
- "Do I gotta put
a white boy in front
to see if I can do this?"
And I quickly got over that,
right?
Because I think, for us,
in spaces
where we're not accustomed
to being,
I think it's really important--
because we come from unique
and diverse backgrounds,
that gives us a unique
and diverse look,
outlook and perspective,
that allows us to do shit
that other people can't do.
Right, and I can do this 'cause
I've been to jail, right?
So I'm the best person
to do this,
and once I understood that,
then I never looked back.
- That's what's up.
There's a lot of, like,
moral
judgment around money, right?
- Yeah, for sure.
- Especially when you make
a lot of money,
people assume you had to do
something, you know,
terrible to get it.
- Yeah.
- There's this assumption that
people at the top, you know,
inherently just shit on people
at the bottom.
- It's usually us
who struggle with that.
Like, we have a very
conflicting relationship
with wealth and money
just as Black folks, right?
And, you know,
as I started to learn
and be around people who
taught me how money works,
you start to lose the guilt.
'Cause when you understand
how the game works,
you make decisions,
you do things that allow you
to make money, right?
So I think we have to get
more educated financially,
and I learned that
from the people I was around.
I learned that from, actually,
cats in jail,
to keep it all
real with you.
Like, you know, I was locked up
with
Dudes that, you know,
from Wall Street.
I was locked up
with politicians,
people that used to run
Fortune 500 companies
on the stock market,
all kind of stuff, right?
And that became education
for me
to understand
how money work.
- It's kind of funny to me
that, like,
you had to go to jail
and be around, like,
white men who were locked up
- Had nothing better to do
than to teach me.
- Right.
-
- To learn the white secrets
of money, you know what I mean?
- Yup, yup, for real.
That's real, that's real,
that's real.
- To get access to it, like,
they had to, like,
fall down to give you,
like, access.
So, like, in a way,
it's like,
we need all white people
to go to jail, essentially
- That could work.
- To balance
this whole shit out.
Maybe just,
like, six months
Yeah.
- Each.
- Right.
- This nigga Andy
is poorer than me,
and he be talking
about buying property.
What kinda white-ass shit
is that?
And like,
"Oh, I'm gonna buy a house."
- Well, you know
I married into money.
I ain't got shit.
- Wow.
- My mom's a 75-year-old nurse
still working.
I know some of
the white people secrets
but it's just 'cause
they let me in the party.
You know, like, I can listen.
- That's what I'm saying.
Thank you!
- But it shouldn't be
that you want those secrets.
It should be that
all of us pay more taxes.
- I don't like that.
That's, like, broke nigga shit.
- We should be charging
the rich people more taxes.
- All right,
you go over there with Zack.
Zack!
Go over there with Zack.
- We want different
white people secrets.
- We don't want any of that.
I mean it.
Get outta here!
I'm tryna get a goddamn boat.
- You what?
- I don't know what this
nigga's talking about.
Do you own a helicopter?
- No, but I want one.
- You want a helicopter?
- I do want one.
- You're gonna go full
"Wolf of Wall Street"?
- Yeah.
I want a plane too.
- People are nuts.
You don't need
to have your own plane.
- I do want a plane.
- That's a little crazy.
I don't want my own plane,
but I do want a sneaker room.
- Sneaker room?
- That, like, I hit a button
and, like,
all the lights come on
and then there's, like,
Transformers statues
that are, like,
life-size Transformers
and they, like, hold out, like,
my favorite sneakers.
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, that sounds
- And then when I take
the sneakers off,
they, like, transform,
like, back,
and they just stand and then
they wait till I come back.
- Till you're back.
- Yeah.
- I mean, that's a lot,
but you could do that.
- That's a lot.
- So I wondered, though,
if you have any opinion
on why it is such a secret,
why--the way money works
and what it does.
Why is it such a secret?
- We've been always playing
catch-up, and, you know,
we can have
hour-long conversations
about the history of America,
and we can jump
on all those things, right?
But my mother couldn't teach me
how to be financially savvy
because she wasn't taught that
from her mom,
and her mom wasn't taught that
from her mom,
and my mom's grandma was
a child slave, right?
So it's not that far removed
from where we come from, right?
- Right.
- So I think when people
put that in context,
they understand.
But the thing that
we have in our benefit?
That there's a lot
of information out there.
And, you know,
I learned a lot on Google.
- So you just, like,
Googled, like,
"white secret to money"?
-
I mean, I started focusing
on, like,
how to build a business.
And I think when I raised
my first million dollars,
I pitched to about
60, 70 people.
Only six said yes, so I had
a shit ton of noes, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- And every person
that told me no,
I asked them before
I would walk out the room,
"Why are you telling me no?"
And some people not brave
enough or bold enough
to even ask that question.
And every time somebody told me
why they told me no,
I would take that
and learn from that,
tweak what I would say
and tweak what I was pitching,
tweak my whole business model
to make it better
so when the next person
tell me no--
by the time I got through
50, 60 noes,
I had a pretty
damn good pitch, right?
You know what I'm saying?
So and then I learned
from that.
So I take the opportunities to
learn from everyone around me,
everyone I talk to,
everyone that have the--
you know,
even if I get five minutes
of your time,
I take the opportunity
to learn from everyone.
And that was just my strategy
of trying to make up
some of the ground
that I knew I was starting out
from behind
the starting line
as everybody else.
- Do you feel like
you're rich now?
Do you feel rich?
- Shit, nigga got a lot more
than he used to have.
Shit.
Keeping it all the way 100.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, I feel--
I feel like there's a lot more
I want to accomplish, right?
But yeah, I enjoy the ability
to get up every day
and do what I love,
and that level of freedom
is what I value,
and in that sense,
I do feel very rich
in that sense.
- All right.
How much money you got
in your bank account right now?
- I got enough
to eat lunch today, for sure.
- Who's richer, you or me?
- You.
- Nah.
You said that too quick.
That's how I know
that ain't true.
- Definitely you,
definitely you.
- It's confidently you.
It's weird 'cause, like,
you can get contradicting ideas
in this society,
you know what I mean?
Like, I was raised by a very,
like, upstanding woman
who believed, like,
you don't steal.
You know, my mom used
to always tell me that, like,
"There's nothing lower
than a thief."
And, like,
that shit rang in my head
to the point where it's like,
I can't even do certain shit.
But that shit be making me
feel like a sucker.
- Yeah.
- It doesn't make me feel like
I'm on a higher ground.
I'm like, "Oh, no.
I just got fucking duped
into some poor mentality."
- Being lame as hell.
- You know what I mean, like,
because I can't fucking
take advantage of a system
that's taking advantage of me
and has no problem
taking advantage of me.
I remember I tried to, like--
I tried to, like, take a watch
from Marshalls, right?
It was a Gucci watch.
- A Gucci watch at Marshalls?
- A Gucci watch.
You gotta go
to a good Marshalls.
Go to a good Marshalls.
That's the scam of Marshalls.
Marshalls sends shit out based
on the fucking community.
So if it's in a poor community,
you gonna get all
Beverly Hills Polo Club.
But if it's in a rich
white community,
you're gonna get Gucci.
And it was sitting
on the counter and I was like,
"Fuck that, this shit's on the
counter, it has no tags on it."
Took it, got all the way out
the Marshalls
and then my conscience was
like, "This fucked up."
- Oh, hell no!
- "I can't fucking
take this watch."
- What?
- Because that's how my mom
made me think.
So I'm thinking
of all the consequences.
What if I take this watch
and the cashier lady,
she loses her job
because her register's short
or merchandise is missing
and now she can't feed
her daughter?
You know, I'm going down
this crazy fucking line
which might also be true,
but it's also kind of, like,
mentally a fucking trap.
So I go back and bring
the fucking watch back,
and I leave it on the counter.
I'm like, "Hey, man.
You left this out."
And I know the lady
was looking at me like,
"You fucking loser."
And she probably took
the watch.
Like, "Dummy.
Free watch!"
Fucking clown!
- Or imagine you took it back
and they were like,
"No, you already left
with it, nigger.
You're still going to jail."
- Right!
Or that.
100%!
- You're still going to jail.
- They're telling us
to be moral and not to steal,
and these niggas
are funneling, laundering
- Yes.
- Doing the whole fucking nine.
- Not paying no taxes.
- By the time karma catches up
with Jeff Bezos,
that nigga will be on Mars.
Like, what are you
talking about?
- There ain't no karma on Mars.
- Not at all!
- At all, at all.
- Nah.
- It doesn't exist!
What it do?
- What it do, what it do?
- Ain't shit, bro.
- What's the deal?
- Chilling.
- What's popping, Jay?
- You're, like,
a full-grown man.
- Yeah.
Nigga's grown now.
- Damn, bro.
How's around the way?
- Um, shit.
It's cool, man.
You know how Roxbury is.
- Yeah.
- I mean,
you know Boston in general.
It's just, like, real settled.
- You seen Shizzy?
- Nigga, my last Instagram post
right now
is me and Shizzy,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- That's my boy.
- I was so glad when
I saw y'all, like,
come back together.
- Yeah, we always really
been together, honestly.
- Yeah.
I always think about being
a kid in Boston.
So what was your relationship
with money, in your opinion?
- Like
- Okay.
- Growing up young,
understanding money,
what did you understand
about money as a kid?
- Hustling.
You gotta hustle to get it.
Fuck a nine-to-five
because popular shit--
- But your mom worked.
- Yeah, but, like, come on.
My mom worked all the time
to the point where it's like,
"Yo, I don't want that for her.
I don't want that for her."
And then I see my boy pull
some shit out his pocket,
make a one-two, guy walked
by and then all of a sudden,
he's up racks.
- I guess what I'm asking you,
though,
is, like, how do you compromise
that image
- Right.
- Of what you're seeing
- Right.
- But--and this is, like, not
putting you on the spot at all.
Because, nigga,
I seen the same shit.
- Nigga, put me on the spot.
- I'm not, though.
It's just like,
how do you go from a kid
- Yeah.
- To a teenager
who's aspirational
and decides what they wanna do,
"I wanna make music.
I wanna fucking"
- Do films, right.
- "Fuck with videography,"
right?
To a nigga that tries
to run a scam?
- I wouldn't say a nigga
that try to run a scam.
Damn, you got real, like--
- I mean, that's what's--
- Nigga who did--like, listen.
- Say what you're gonna say.
- I feel that, I feel that.
- Well, tell me
what you were gonna say.
- I think--so, right,
I didn't know what a scam was,
being younger, right?
And that's--
I'm just being honest.
Like, I was, like,
22 at the time.
And I don't be hearing
them words.
Like, I wouldn't see
a motherfucker, like, "Oh,"
see him moving money like,
"He's a scammer."
I don't know what the fuck
that even meant at the time.
- I had a homey
from around my way
who tried to scam
the Boston bomber fund, right?
Like, so after the fucking
marathon bombing,
they created a fund to help
marathon victims and shit.
So once he signed
for the check,
the feds swoop in, right?
Snatch this little nigga up.
Which is another level
of, like,
why this shit is fake and not--
it was like, this whole thing
is just like
a gambler's island.
It's like, what is that?
You knew this little nigga
was doing this.
You could've just called
the nigga up and be like,
"Hey, man, we know
you're trying to steal.
Don't steal."
"Bye-bye."
You know what I'm saying?
But no, you set him up
and waited for him
to fucking sign for that shit
so you could nail his ass.
- There's a fine line between
scamming and surviving.
- Yeah.
- There's a fine line.
- Is there?
- There is.
- But that's according to who?
It's not according
to the nigga you scamming.
When I then see on the news
this young man,
who I know from my community,
to be a kid who just wants
to do videography and travel.
Like, when I know you
to be that
- Right.
- And now I see you on the news
and you're being arrested
by federal agents,
it made me go, "Damn!"
because you do know
there's a possible consequence.
So what I'm asking you
is what made you risk it?
- I'm not the only person
in history who ever, like,
tried to get paid through means
that wasn't typically
the right means for them,
right?
I haven't seen too much happen
to people in the past,
so I'm not worried about an
outcome of my intention, right?
It all starts from intention.
This is a bad situation I'm in,
and I feel like
I can change it.
It might not be
the right means,
but shit,
I'm trying to change it.
- There's a part of me
that fully gets it
and just thinks
you shot a bigger shot
than niggas
was willing to shoot.
- Yeah.
- You get what I'm saying?
'Cause it's not like--
I don't feel
like any motherfucker
that comes from
where we come from,
that comes from,
you know, Boston,
that comes from Roxbury, comes
from Dorchester, Mattapan,
is without some type of "scam,"
some type of, you know,
lies to the welfare nigga,
some fucking,
you know,
sell they food stamps,
somebody fucking--
just how you get by.
- Some type of hustle,
some type of hustle.
- That's how you get by.
Yeah.
- I grew up with rich kids,
and their parents never
told them not to steal.
Like, rich white kids?
-
- Their dads were like,
"Look at these idiots
paying taxes on their house,"
you know?
- That's what I'm saying.
- No rich parent tells
their kids
to do unto others
as those who do unto you
because everybody that do
something to them serves them.
- Exactly.
It's poor shit.
- I golf every week with niggas
that tell me all kind of--
- Golf?
- Yeah.
I golf, like, every day.
- Don't look at Mexico
like he can't golf.
- He said, "You golf?"
- He golfs with rich
white people.
- Them niggas given me
stock ad--am I lie?
- Mm-hmm.
- They giving me stock advice,
and I'm like,
"Ain't this illegal?"
They're like,
"How is it illegal?
Are you gonna tell
that I told you?"
- And the only reason I'm
calling it a scam is because
we've always referred to all
these things as hustle
to a point where white people
write it off
as Black people shit
that they do and it's like, no.
They understand scams
'cause they scam.
- Facts.
- You know what I mean?
And in that sense, it's like,
yo, I used to work at
and I was leaving, and I was
trying to move to Atlanta
to get the fuck out
of the city.
I knew I was about to quit.
- Okay.
- I fucking--
the Palm Treos
had just came out.
- Them old-ass phones.
- Remember, but they was
the first touchscreen joints.
- Oh, yeah, they were.
- The 3.
The Palm Treo 3, it was the
first, like, boop boop boop.
Crazy.
And so I ordered
mad replacements
under different accounts
and then sold all them shits.
- See, you had some time
to do all that shit.
- And that's how I got
the fuck to where I was.
You know what I'm saying?
Which your story, my story,
in a different America, right?
For us, different colored skin,
different ways that
motherfuckers handle us,
we now are--
- Different access to shit.
- Yeah, we're multimillionaires
that are now teaching a class
on how to do what we did.
You know what I mean?
And you think about
motherfuckers, like,
you know, Brian Williams,
the motherfucker crashes,
lies about crashing in Iraq,
and, like, gets to have
a career after that.
He doesn't spiral all the way
to the fucking bottom
of the barrel.
Or, like, Jordan Belfort
or fucking the
"Catch Me if You Can" nigga.
Like, they write movies
and shit like that.
And then it's like,
there's you,
and it's just like,
"Oh, no, you know,
fuck you, you fucked up."
I guess I wonder, like, what do
you feel about that shit?
Fuck.
To be completely honest
with you, right?
I'm blessed.
I did three years
in prison straight,
no chaser.
It was a moment for solitude.
Sometimes you need to sit your
ass down and really recalibrate
and that's what I got--
I was awarded that chance to.
It was probably one
of the best moments in my life
as far as just being able
to see the truth within me,
'cause ain't nobody
gonna show you a mirror
and be like, "Hey, this is you.
You need to slow down."
They gonna wait till you crash.
- But, you know, like,
white kids get Europe.
- They do.
- They fucking get therapy.
- They get Hawaii.
They get therapy.
- That's a fucking shame
that a nigga gotta go
sit in a box.
That sucks.
- It sucks,
it definitely sucks,
but at the end of the day,
I got an option to make.
I didn't choose to be
in Boston in poverty.
You know,
I didn't choose that shit.
I didn't choose
to not have the resources.
I didn't choose that shit.
So yeah, it sucks,
but at least I made
a better choice going forward.
- Cheers to that.
- Hey.
- How we ask for money now,
because of the internet,
has definitely
become fucking crazy.
- First off, if you homeless,
you need to have a GoFundMe
and a Cash App.
I don't carry cash no more.
- But niggas don't
even know what that is
or know how
to access that shit.
- Fuck GoFundMe.
It's a virtual paper cup.
I do not fuck with that shit.
Especially now.
I feel like
when GoFundMe started, right,
the iteration
of GoFundMe was like,
okay, you would see a nigga
on there be like,
"I need a liver."
- Yeah,
a Make-A-Wish Foundation kid.
- "I need a liver,"
or, "There was a fire,
and like, shit,
my shit's crazy."
But suddenly
it turned into this thing.
I don't get that shit.
- I almost setup a GoFundMe
for something, and I was like--
before I was done
with half the page,
I was like, "This is--no."
Like, nigga, they make you
write a paragraph.
Like, nigga, I gotta sit here,
in MLA format,
write why I'm begging.
Nigga, why is you
on the internet?
- But it's also, like--
- You got Wi-Fi, nigga.
What is you doing?
- It's also too fucking easy,
you know what I mean?
Like, it's no real steps
to the shit anymore.
It's just, like,
a go-to for niggas.
Like, my little cousin
got rear-ended.
This nigga, like, 17 years old.
He got rear-ended.
He started a GoFundMe.
It's like,
"Nigga, you're not a dad of six
trying to get them to work.
You're just a kid."
- Nigga, you got a car.
- You're just a kid.
- Where is your insurance?
What do you have,
liability, nigga?
Like, where is your insurance?
- You just don't have a place
to finger your girlfriend,
you fucking clown.
Go work.
- This is Tatiana.
She's 23 years old,
and she went on vacation
with only $400.
She thought the rest was going
to be covered by unemployment,
but it never showed up,
and now she wants strangers
to donate $1,500
to get her back home.
This is the case
of "Assed Out in Atlanta."
- Now, it says here
you went to Atlanta
from March 6th to the 8th?
- Mm-hmm.
- Now, we all know
that's All-Star weekend.
So you went down there
to get you a baller.
Thought it was gonna be
a slam dunk,
and then the shock clock
ran out.
- Well, Your Honor--
- You thought it was gonna be
nothing but net,
and you ended up
netting nothing.
- Okay, well, hold up.
- In my day, when you wanted
to go to the All-Star game,
you would just find an uglier
nigga who wanted to lay up.
You too good
for a short nigga with a job?
- Short niggas don't serve
that D.
- Whoa.
- Well, I'm glad I'm 5'9".
Hello.
- It says here
you live on Ocean Ave
and Lincoln.
- Yes.
- Now, that's the projects.
It doesn't cost $1,500
to get back to the projects.
What you need to do
is call your mama,
tell her you're dumb,
ask her for $50,
and get your ass
on the Megabus.
- What is a Megabus?
- You know what that is.
Your bra strap's showing.
And stop begging the people
for money.
It's not our fault
you got bad pussy.
- Uh-uh, that pussy
get thrown real good.
- Good pussy
gets plane tickets, ma'am.
Get out my courtroom.
- Sam's cousin G
has 5,000 VC points in "2K,"
which he plays
on his brand-new PS5
that he bought for $500,
but those points
won't buy him the abortion
he needs for his girlfriend,
Renée,
which also costs $500.
This is the case
of "Maybe Mama Drama."
- I'm good.
I gave you the money
for the abortion.
What the fuck happened?
- James and them came over,
nigga bet me $1,000 I couldn't
beat him without Steph Curry.
Like, nigga, I don't need
a light-skinned bitch
to beat you in "2K."
I'm nice on the sticks.
You know?
You know how I be.
So only problem
was I had to get the PS5.
Once I got that,
I was ready to go.
Only thing is--
- Nah, I'll see you
at the baby shower.
Guilty.
- Marquis can't swim,
and he says
it's capitalism's fault.
He says the survival
of gay men
is bigger than being
landlocked by white supremacy.
He won't settle
for average treatment.
He's ready to jump
into the waters of opulence
and the deep end of life,
if only given the resources.
He's seeking a life
that is plush,
silky, fragrant,
Fergalicious--you know what?
This goes one for, like,
another three paragraphs.
He wants $75,000.
"Here Come
That Nigga Marquis."
- Your Honor,
I am Black and gay.
- I'm Black and gay.
- Well, I don't have a boat.
- Get the fuck
outta my courtroom.
- What the fuck
is your problem,
you fucking coon?
You supposed to be on my side.
First of all,
she not even gay for real.
In fact, she suck dick
better than I do.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
- I know all about you.
- Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey!
- You don't deny me like that.
- Hey, you not just finna throw
shit like that at the judge.
- She suck dick!
- That was in '98!
- Absolutely not! Uh-uh!
- James Baldwin
is rolling over in his grave
right now.
- Fuck you and James Baldwin.
- Say his name.
Gay rights.
Marsha P. Johnson.
Uh-uh.
No, don't fuck with me!
- I can't believe that fruity
nigga threw a fan at me.
- Janay says
she's a Trump supporter
whose parents had kicked her
out on the street
for being too American.
She claims she loves Jesus,
unfinished babies,
and scorched crosses.
She feels that if people
just talked to the police
a little nicer,
they'd be a little nicer.
She's asking for $150,000
to fund the police
and to fund, well, Janay.
- It says here
you went to CPAC
and you hate corn bread.
- Your Honor, I made it all up.
I'm not a Republican.
I'm not even a Presbyterian.
These white people out here
giving away free money
to Black ladies in Trump hats.
So who am I not to take it?
- So you're telling me
you committed fraud
and financial crimes
to trick some white people
out they money?
- Yes, Your Honor.
I saw the bag, and I chased it.
- Bitch, well done.
- Okay!
- Hell yeah,
I can't even be mad at you.
This isn't even your fault.
You know what?
'Cause these stupid crackers
always be
both: Believing
that stupid cracker shit.
Bitch, yes!
- That's what I'm saying.
- You know what, girl?
You deserve a boat.
You should get you one.
I know a guy
who could hook you up.
- Yeah, yeah, keep America
great, baby, do it.
- And keep us paid,
you know what I'm saying?
- That's what
I'm talking about!
- Hell yeah,
bang a gavel to that.
- Yes.
- The thing is,
this place sucks.
We all know it's icky,
and the money for sure
makes it ickier.
But what are you gonna do,
live in the woods
and survive off berries?
I mean, trees are cool,
but at the end of the day,
I like stuff.
Most of us do.
And I would like to have
the kind of life
where if I want stuff,
I can get it.
And that means playing
this gross-ass game.
But we can make it less gross
if we just tell everybody
the jig.
Put niggas on.
Yes, money corrupts those who
are down to be corrupted,
but you can also
do good with it.
Build up your community,
secure your family,
be a safety net
for each other.
Don't just give someone
a few dollars.
Tell them how to make
dollars for themselves.
We should all have the tools.
Warren Buffett needs
a high school textbook.
But also,
if you got a lot of it,
give people money,
you stingy bitch,
and don't judge them
for how they use it.
We're all just trying
to slice some joy
out of this crazy-ass pie.
No man's wants
are above another.
At the end of the day,
it's all just stuff,
and that's why
I bought that grill,
so I can give you niggas hope.
SAM JAY: Do you ever just want
to leave your kid at a park
and just be like,
"Whatever dog, work it out"?
So you've been pregnant
a good majority of your life.
I did not expect to have
nine children.
God damn, is your womb
made out of steel?
My eggs, her uterus,
then it's like sperm,
whose sperm? Strangers sperm?
Homie sperm? Family sperm?
But I don't want a baby
running around
looking like Chris Redd,
you know what I mean?
If I get pregnant as a stunt
I'm hiding in Paris.