Peacemaker (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

1 ("BEAT THE BULLET" BY VAIN PLAYING) Hey you, I'm no fool What you got going what you got going You've got temptation eyes What you got hiding what you got hiding So, after the butterfly flew out of Goff's head, what happened to it? I shot it.
It just blew apart.
It would've been nice to have captured it, but I guess it's good it didn't get away.
VIGILANTE: (GROANS) I'm not sure I'm ever gonna walk again.
Why? VIGILANTE: Motherfucker cut half my pinky toe off.
It's the most important toe there is.
- I don't think so.
- Okay, that's not true.
VIGILANTE: Yeah, it is! You can't walk without it! You can walk just fine without a pinky toe.
VIGILANTE: You'll fall over all the time, look stupid, and everyone will laugh at you.
Who's gonna laugh at you for falling over because you don't have a toe? (LAUGHS LOUDLY) I was just imagining it.
I'm s I'm sorry.
You can't walk if you lose your metatarsal.
That's like the knuckle of the pinky toe.
- But if you just lose your pinky, it's fine.
- (VIGILANTE GRUNTS) (HEAVY THUD) What are we gonna do about him? (GUNS COCKING) - Hey, no! - No! Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT" BY WIG WAM PLAYING) Get it on, get it on top make a move extreme - Make a pose - Make a shortcut to your dreams Float straight to the stars on that flying thing - Getting high, getting brave - Getting snow-blind, game - Set, go! - Pick a tune, chick harpoon In a world beyond got a beat, got a heat - On a phony string - Tear your world apart Once the magic starts Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? What's going up must come down Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? - Baby, you're losing ground - Blind to what you'll soon become - The mirror lies, the whole world's wrong but you - (GUNSHOT) Dancing with blinkers on Throw your dog the invisible bone Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? What's going up must come down Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it - Baby, you're losing ground - Blind to what you'll soon become The mirror lies, the whole world's wrong but you Dancing with blinkers on Throw your dog the invisible bone - (SONG CONCLUDES) - (EAGLE SQUAWKS) - (METAL CREAKING) - (CAR DOOR OPENING, SHUTTING) (MOODY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (PEACEMAKER SIGHING) - (VIGILANTE GROANING) - (CAR LOCK CHIRPING) - You okay to drive now? - VIGILANTE: Yeah.
Harcourt and Adebayo, go through those boxes from the Goff residence.
See if there's anything to lead us to other butterflies.
Me? Why not John? He's got to keep Judomaster alive! Peacemaker, in my office.
- (MUSIC DARKENS) - (DOOR OPENING) CLEMSON MURN: You sure your head is in this? - What? - You choked last night.
Are you kidding me? Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you put a goddamn dove of peace on the sniper rifle! (MUSIC FADES) One of the most important things about killing someone, to me, is a fucking dove of peace on the weapon.
That's bullshit, and you know it! You also told me to kill kids.
You didn't say why! Yeah, okay, one was homely.
That didn't make it better, it made it worse! I started to feel sorry for it.
Yeah, I may have pushed you too hard on that one.
I made a vow to have peace at any cost, no matter how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it.
But I'm not fucking killing kids just because you say so! You're sure that's all it is? - Yeah.
- Good 'cause right now the world needs a son of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.
- VIGILANTE: Fuck it! Fuck! Fuck! - Well, I guess him now, too.
(GRUNTS) Fuck, it hurts to walk on! - You sure about that? - Yes.
- (VIGILANTE WHINING) - Why? Vigilante's a bit, uh (WHISTLES) You think that's something I wouldn't have noticed? Yeah.
Yeah, right.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Ever since I had to team up with Matter-Eater Lad, my sense of what's normal is a little fucked up.
You have to keep Vigilante close.
If he talks, he could ruin everything.
I once saw him eat an entire Wendy's Restaurant.
Vigilante ate a restaurant? No, Matter-Eater Lad.
That's his power, he can eat anything.
They took too long with his fries or something.
The guy's a fucking lunatic.
His name is Matter-Eater Lad? Yeah, but with all that's going on, why are you so interested in him? Not the time to be getting distracted, Murn.
Okay.
Hey, these butterflies they're like alien bugs that crawl up into human brains and control people? Get some rest, come back tonight.
We'll explain the whole thing.
Okay.
(DOOR CLOSING) (SUBDUED MUSIC PLAYING) Listen, again, I'm sorry about last night.
I've never killed anyone before.
You said.
I've never shot anyone.
I've never shot at anyone.
Hell, I'm a pescatarian.
So, you're okay with making that poor bastard's last minute of life the worst suffering imaginable because you're too much of a coward to put him out of his misery, but you won't eat a fucking fish? Got it.
I do eat fish.
Pescatarians, we don't eat pork, - or beef or - I don't give a shit, Adebayo.
The truth is, you want to do this job, you can't balk.
Ever.
You have to make the hard choice when necessary.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
(SIGHS) (DEEP EXHALE) (TOILET FLUSHING) Hey! You're just gonna keep him here? JOHN ECONOMOS: What else are we supposed to do with him? I don't know, a hospital? What, so he can narc? God, there's so many secrets.
Yeah, that's what black ops is, dude.
(SIGHS) And, um, don't worry about Harcourt.
She doesn't really like anybody.
Yeah, I just gotta show her and Murn that I got what it takes, I guess.
Well, I got what it takes.
Stomped his ass! Uh-huh.
Don't fuck with John Economos, motherfucker! ("I WANNA BE WITH YOU" BY PRETTY BOY FLOYD PLAYING) Hey, swing by my dad's on the way home.
He's got a helmet I think I can use in all this.
Listen, uh, I've been meaning to thank you for allowing me to be tortured last night.
You're welcome? You know, I would For a minute, I was I was kinda PO'd.
Like, you didn't care about the fact that I was in you know, agonizing pain! Okay.
Yeah, but then I realized you were you were just supporting me and helping me to become the best me that I could be.
Someone who doesn't spill the beans while being electrocuted and having half his toe cut off.
You seem to be walking okay.
Well, I'll probably never walk as good again.
But it's worth it, you know, for being a more evolved human being, so thank you! I've never had a friend quite like you.
I wanna be with you - What? - It just seems like, under the surface, - you're kinda angry about it.
- I'm not.
- Seems like you are.
- Well, I'm not at all, dude.
Okay, the way you said "dude" right there.
- What? - Seems miffed.
Nah, I said it like I always say it.
You know what? If anything, you should be grateful, because you would feel really guilty if I gave that guy information 'cause you were too much of a candy-ass to take a little torture.
Oh, yeah, I would have been real guilty! You see, that.
That, right there, was angry.
No, it wasn't! It was normal.
I was I was agreeing with you.
I don't live too far we could walk down to the park (SONG FADES) VIGILANTE: Why does your father have an upside-down American flag on his lawn? I don't know, dude.
It's a Deep State thing.
Or your dad is a racist wack job.
Oh, yeah? Your dad left your mom for another dude.
- Hey! - He did.
Yeah, and they're deeply in love.
I doubt it.
You know, I think he's just pretending to be gay to get away from you.
Okay, maybe! But what does that have to do with anything? I don't know.
I thought we were talking about dads.
Stay here, I'll be back.
(DEVIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (KNOCKING) (DOOR RATTLING) Fuck it.
- (LOCK CLICKS) - (DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN) Oh, hey, it's you! TV ANCHOR 1: This is KWUE, your news at noon.
TV ANCHOR 2: Chaos at the Evergreen Zoo this morning, as zookeepers report Charlie, the silverback gorilla, is missing.
The facility has been closed, and forensics teams have been sweeping the area.
Zoo officials say they have no idea how the gorilla was stolen TV ANCHOR 2: And I hope Charlie comes back, too.
I love that gorilla! (KEYPAD BEEPS) - (FUTURISTIC CHIME) - (WHIRRING) (METAL CLANGING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) VIGILANTE: There are gaps in the armor.
- What? - Your dad's White Dragon costume, right? There are weak points where the cloth is.
I thought I told you to wait in the car! All the radio stations are playing commercials How is it so big in this place? It's a quantum unfolding storage area.
It leads to a dimensional nodule outside normal space.
Well, I guess your dad's pretty brainy for a racist, to make a place like this.
And if your dad's a racist, and you work with him I don't work with him! He makes me stuff.
If it walks like a duck, that's all I'm saying.
What the fuck's that supposed to mean? If it walks like a duck, it's either a duck, or a duck wearing some type of human costume I don't know! He's he's unable to hide his distinctive walk! How the fuck could that even happen? VIGILANTE: How would what happen? A duck in a human costume? The sizes are completely incompatible! I don't know.
Ducks are sneaky, I guess.
I guess that's the whole point of the phrase.
That, and they could give two shits about their best friend's pinky toe! Get out of here.
You don't belong here! Don't push me! Batman has a coterie of supervillains.
- Joker, Riddler, Mad Hatter - So what? You said you were a superhero, like Batman.
Do you have a coterie of supervillains? No, he doesn't.
- So, maybe you're not a superhero after all.
- (HEAVY THUD) You wanna know why I don't have a coterie of supervillains? Why? My coterie of supervillains is six-feet-fucking-under! There, you see? Batman doesn't kill people! - Because he's a pussy! - He's a dark creature of the night! He's a jackass! Who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison! (LAUGHS) So they can break out of prison and then murder more people.
Riddle me this, how many people you think Batman's indirectly murdered by being too much of a candy-ass not to kill these fools who clearly need to be smoked once and for all, you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking, dementia-infested fuck? Jesus! I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck it.
With an attitude like that, you're definitely a supervillain.
You're gonna end up in jail with your father soon enough! What are you talking about? (CELL PHONE BUZZES) - Peacemaker.
- PEACEMAKER: What the fuck, Murn? The only way to get the cops off our tail was to frame my dad for what I did? It wasn't the plan.
It was an impulsive decision.
PEACEMAKER: It's my dad, man! Jesus! Did you ever have a fucking dad? I did.
I wasn't created in a Petri dish.
If you want to come back, we can talk about this like adults.
No! No! My dad's in jail, I'm going to see him.
Smith, I don't think that's wise.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, man! You people only fucking care about yourselves anyway! (SIGHS) (CELL PHONE BEEPS) EMILIA HARCOURT: I don't know where all this money is going.
- JOHN: Holy shit.
- HARCOURT: Yeah.
Me? Yeah, it's probably because you're the one who framed Peacemaker's father.
(WHISPERS) Fuck you.
Yeah.
What? Just, I told you those people weren't best friend material.
You were right.
Hey, I'm sorry, man, I wasn't more compassionate about you being tortured and everything.
(SIGHS) Aw, get out of here! Are you kidding me? Come on, that's that's stupid, dude.
- I I was being stupid.
- No, I was.
Pinky toes aren't that important.
Yeah, you were being weird about that.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I was.
Sorry.
Hey, do you want me to take you to the jail to see your dad? Yeah, even though I know he's a racist.
Shouldn't you kill him then? No! I'm not gonna kill my dad.
- Why not? - Because I love him.
Oh.
My dad and I both hate crime.
It's the only thing we agree on, and he makes me stuff, okay? Sure.
Yeah, no, I mean, my dad never made me anything.
He was too busy off pretending to be gay just to get away from me.
- Me? - He trusts you most.
I think he trusts Harcourt the most.
No, he wants to have sex with Harcourt.
He trusts you.
He said you were the only one he was sure wasn't a butterfly.
I need you to talk him out of seeing his father.
That could screw us in a number of ways.
Your lack of a resume made me hesitant to bring you onto this team.
But Amanda Waller insisted you were ready.
Prove her right.
Well, go.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) (CHAINS RATTLING) (GRUNTS) (MUSIC FADES) (EXHALES) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) - (CAR APPROACHING) - (TIRES SCREECH) LEOTA ADEBAYO: Hey, Peacemaker.
- Fuck off, Adebayo.
- We messed up, we know it.
But that doesn't mean you should destroy what we're doing because of it! - Was it Murn? - LEOTA: No.
- Harcourt? - No.
Man, I I shouldn't say.
Economos? Motherfucker! How did he do it? He changed your car registration for your father's name, and changed out your fingerprints for his.
Why don't they just re-fingerprint him? LEOTA: Well, they're a government bureaucracy.
They can, but double-checking things isn't exactly protocol.
I can't just abandon him in there.
I have to go talk to him.
Do you? Really? Look, we all know what he's done to you.
You don't know shit! We do.
- It it's in your files, Chris.
- (SCOFFS) It's "Chris" now? How he's treated you, your whole life.
What's it say? Nothing, just - Okay, he's got his issues, right? - Issues? He's a white supremacist who used to dress up as a supervillain called the White Dragon.
He's not as bad as he seems! He thinks people with my color skin are second-class citizens.
That's fucked up, okay? People change! And he's actually a good guy inside? - Yeah.
- Well, we all want to believe that our parents are flawed but innately good, and maybe, usually, that's the case.
But not here.
Your dad is not a good man! Not to the world, and especially not to you.
He's still family.
Chris! Well, he has to do what he has to do, I guess.
I take it you're Vigilante.
- No.
- You sound like him.
- (GOOFY VOICE) No, I don't.
- LEOTA: That's a fake voice.
(GOOFY VOICE) Nope.
It changed from what it was two seconds ago.
I was about to cough! But yeah, this this is more my real voice.
- Why are you limping? - Snowboarding accident! Totally unrelated in any way to Vigilante! I don't even know who Vigilante is! Who is he? Might even be a she, I have no way of knowing.
Except that Vigilante's voice sounds like mine, according to you.
Which makes me surmise, yeah, maybe it's a he.
- You ain't killing it right now.
- (SIGHS) - (ALL LAUGHING) - That's right.
- INMATE 1: No! You? - Yeah, it don't matter! - Oh, yeah! - INMATE 2: Get the fuck outta here! - I ain't got no - Smith, you got a visitor.
(HEAVY THUD) - (INTERCOM CHATTER) - PEACEMAKER: Dad, listen I didn't know anything about this, okay? The people I'm working with, they did their own thing.
They switched your fingerprints for mine.
They did what? I know, it's fucked up, but I had nothing to do with it.
They think this is gonna stick? No.
I thi I don't know.
All I got to do is go to these assholes and say, "Hey, check the fingerprints! They don't match!" I know.
I saw you come out of your mother's cooch.
I shoulda slit your throat then and there.
Come on, Dad! I never had any feelings for you, not like your brother.
Him, I fucking loved.
But you? You were just a blob of flesh I felt nothing for.
Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower not a shower.
- What? - I don't mean like a dick! I mean, like, a a person, like, a guy, who you like more as time goes on.
An individual you don't like and then you you learn to like.
You're comparing yourself to a choad! Not in a bad way! Deep State's got you so twisted up in their agenda that you're comparing yourself to a little cock.
No, this is this is the opposite of the Deep State.
- Bullshit! - No, Dad, if anything, we're working against the Deep State.
I'll make sure I fill the detective in on that.
Listen, I can't say much, but you don't like illegal aliens? These are real illegal aliens.
I'll turn myself in, I swear, as soon as the operation's over.
This is bigger than me.
It's bigger than you.
And I'm just asking, for once, just make the sacrifice.
(SCOFFS) You're a rube like you've always been.
I'm not letting my own damn son work for them.
I'm no rat, but the first chance I get, I'm spilling everything.
I don't mean to be a jerk here, Dad, but technically, that exactly makes you a rat.
- Technically, just factually - Get the fuck out of my sight! My use for you is over.
Guards! Open it up.
- (BUZZER SOUNDS) - (DOOR CLANKS) AUGGIE SMITH: Get him out of here.
You think they'll arrest Peacemaker in there? I hope not.
(SIGHS) He's bogged down by his old man.
Chris is.
He's a good man like you.
You think I'm a good man? Yeah.
(SCOFFS) I can tell.
But his father? I'd say he's one of the worst people to ever set foot on this planet.
Now, Chris he has a big heart, so he wants to find something to love there, but there's there is nothing to love inside of that man.
And it kills me 'cause I don't think Chris is ever gonna be happy as long as his father's around.
And I just wish there was some way he would just go away.
I gotta go do something.
Okay.
Fuck.
Where's Vigilante? Vigilante? That was Vigilante? Shut up.
He had something to do, I don't know.
What'd your dad say? (MUTTERING) Jesus Christ - He said he's gonna rat us out.
- (SIGHS) Have you slept? - No.
- Let me drop you off, then.
- Hey! What do we do about - Your dad? - Yeah.
- Murn will work it out, it'll be fine.
I just didn't want you to get arrested while you were in there.
Murn said I gotta keep eyes on Vigilante.
LEOTA: Don't worry about it, it'll be fine, too! - (SIGHS) - (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) You're gonna be all right.
(WEAK LAUGH) My dad hates my guts.
Everybody hates my guts.
I'm a choad, and not the good kind.
I don't hate your guts.
And I think you're the the good kind of choad.
Hmm.
- Thanks.
- (MUSIC FADES) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (GRUNTS) - OFFICER: What's going on here? - (VIGILANTE GRUNTS) VIGILANTE: God, what the fuck did they put in this? (GRUNTS, PANTS) (MUSIC BUILDS) (GLASS SHATTERS) What the fuck are you doing? I don't have to tell you that, motherfucker! Get face down on the ground! Now! Fine! I don't care, I'll get on the ground all day long.
Just watch my pinky toe on my right foot.
Uh, pinky toes aren't that important, you don't need it to walk or anything, but I've sustained an injury and it hurts, so (CUFFS CLICKING) - Ow.
- (MUSIC FADES) (OMINOUS TONE) (DEEP RUMBLE) Oh, shit.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Yeah, tell him to go fuck himself.
Hey, John.
Oh, my God! We are so incredibly fucked! Like, next level fucked, okay? I checked the restraints, they were tight.
I don't know how the fuck he got loose.
LEOTA: Who? Who the fuck do you think? - Judoma - (MUNCHES) Fuck.
- (MARTIAL ARTS SHOUT) - (GROANS) (CRASHING) Fuck! I think Cobra Kai just got out! - (CAR ENGINE REVS) - (BUZZER SOUNDS) Hey, I want to see that Detective Song, I got some information about the case.
GUARD: All right.
(WHEEZING) Where'd he go? (WHEEZES) - LEOTA: Here, here, here.
- (INHALER HISSES) The hallway window.
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING) (HEAVY THUD) (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) (PAPER RUSTLING) Rematch, motherfucker! (BUSHES RUSTLING) (JUDOMASTER YELLING) (GRUNTS) (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) - (HEAVY IMPACTS) - (GROANING) - (GRUNTING) - (HEAVY IMPACT) (PAINED CRIES) - (GROANING) - (RESOUNDING THUD) (HEAVY IMPACT) (NECK CRACKING) Okay.
(PANTS, SPITS) Fuck you! - Fuck you! - Fucker.
(PEACEMAKER GRUNTS) (GROANS) You have a weird, bubbly-shaped body! Personal insults? Real mature, shrimp! (HEAVY IMPACT) (GLASS SHATTERS) (HEAVY IMPACTS) - (HEAVY IMPACT) - (PUNCH WHIFFS) - (HEAVY IMPACT) - (THUD) (NECK CRACKING) You have no idea! Butterflies they're not what you think! - They are - (GUNSHOT) (THUD) (HEAVY BREATHING) I was gonna win that fight! What? This was a big rematch, and I was reclaiming my honor, and (SIGHS) I was gonna win that fight, you - fucked it all up! - Oh jeez, you're welcome! I'm not trying to be ungrateful, it's just Fuck! I've never killed a man before.
PEACEMAKER: Oh, you still haven't.
These martial artists they are hardcore.
Their heart stops beating, they just concentrate and move a kidney up into its place.
Then the kidney circulates the blood through the system.
No, that's not something that happens.
Only the greats, just a few times.
No, that's never happened, ever.
Yeah, it has.
One or two times, it has.
No one has ever replaced their own heart with a kidney! We have to get him back inside! Yeah, okay.
Hey, what do you think he was about to say? "The butterflies, they're not what you think.
They're" ("JAWBREAKER" BY THE CRUEL INTENTIONS PLAYING) - GUARD: Chase let's go.
- (BUZZER SOUNDS) I need to terminate I need to terminate - I'm like a bomb - A nuclear one I'm gonna detonate I'm gonna detonate Do you wanna do you wanna dance? With a jawbreaker I just wanna be the way I wanna be The crazier my life is the better for me - I'm grinding, I'm grinding - To the left, to the right Jawbreaker, jawbreaker I just wanna live the way I wanna live The bumpier my ride is the better I feel - I'm bumping, I'm bumping - To the left, to the right All I wanna do is rock n' roll until I die Road rage fever pumping through me And I'm feeling great Cannot hit the brakes don't wanna hit the brakes - Who likes to party? - Come join the party I'm gonna break your face I'm gonna break your face Do you wanna do you wanna dance? With a jawbreaker I just wanna be the way I wanna be The crazier my life is the better for me - I'm grinding, I'm grinding - To the left, to the right Jawbreaker, jawbreaker I just wanna live the way I wanna live The bumpier my ride is the better I feel I'm bumping to the left What's your story, motherfucker? - (EAGLY SQUAWKS) - (SONG CONCLUDES) PEACEMAKER: Oh, shit! (JAR RATTLING) - (FRANTIC CHITTERING) - (BEAK PINGING GLASS) Eagly, hey, hey, hey! No.
No! No! No! (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) (SIGHS) (HARCOURT SIGHS) And this time you didn't balk, huh? Do you think he's gonna die? Hmm, probably.
I'm not cut out for this shit.
The first time I killed someone, I didn't have my period for three months.
And then it gets easier? No, not really.
But it's good it hurts.
Otherwise, you become like Amanda Waller, and you start treating human life like it's nothing.
None of this sits right with me.
First, I manipulated Vigilante into going into prison and killing Peacemaker's father, - and now this.
- Back up.
What? Every time I turn around, one of you is doing something fucked up! I thought Waller gave me soldiers.
Instead, it's the fucking Apple Dumpling Gang! (JOHN LAUGHS) Classic pull! HARCOURT: And who are the Apple Dumpling Gang? Incompetent dinguses! But they always triumph in the end.
- Fuck you, John! - Jesus.
You told Vigilante to kill Peacemaker's father? I didn't tell him to, I just kind of put the idea in his head.
That Peacemaker would be better off without his father? Well, his father is gonna go to the authorities and tell 'em how we switched out the fingerprints.
I was just trying to make the hard choice.
MURN: Seeing as we're already losing Peacemaker's trust, how's he gonna feel when he finds out we manipulated his best friend into killing his father? Actually, that'd be Eagly.
What? Nothing, it's just he claims that Eagly, that that's his best friend.
You said, "best friend", okay? I'm just making sure we're all on the same page, in case someone here thinks that Adebayo convinced Eagly to kill Peacemaker's father.
Who would think that? - Maybe Harcourt? - Fuck you! Why is everybody "fucking you" to me? I'm gonna believe she mentally manipulated the pet eagle into killing his father? You're gullible! I call in sick all the time, and I'm lying! I know you're lying, I just don't give a fuck! I'm not stupid! Neither is Peacemaker! But you seem to think he is.
I don't think he's stupid.
He'll know exactly what you tried to do.
Not only that, his father, the goddamn White Dragon, is a trained killer! He could kill Vigilante, and without Vigilante, we're taking on the butterflies one man down! Half a man down.
The guy's a psychopath.
(CHUCKLES) It's the four of us against a damn alien invasion.
We need a psychopath.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Murn.
Can you get Vigilante out of the system before he screws us worse than we're already screwed? (SIGHS) I don't even know this guy's name.
LEOTA: White male, 5'11", thirties, green eyes.
JOHN: Hmm, think I got something.
Found him! - Adrian Chase, the Vigilante.
- LEOTA: That's him.
(HESITATES) Wasn't he our busboy at Fennel Fields? And G says, "Yeah, sure, I'll teach him how to fight".
"Hey, kid, look over here".
Kid looks over, he whacks him on the back of the head and says, "That's the first fucking rule!" "Keep your eye on your goddamn opponent".
(ALL LAUGHING) (VIGILANTE LAUGHING LOUDLY) Hey what's up, fellas? Look, you totes seem like the coolest guys in this place.
So, I was thinking, you know, like, we should get to know each other.
- What? - Let's pick a topic, and then everyone goes around in a circle and says their feelings on that topic.
Let's start with, uh I don't know.
Let's each say something that we're grateful for that Black people have contributed to American culture.
Is this dude joking right now? No! Hey, look, I'll go first.
I'm grateful that Black people gave us rock and roll music.
Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, 38 Special All those guys owe everything to Black American folk and blues musicians.
I mean, they wouldn't exist without 'em, and then white redneck music would just sound like well, what it sounded like before Black people, which was the wet, sloppy sounds of fucking your sister.
Okay, so that's my turn.
Which one of you dumb, sister-fucking, tiki-torch-carrying, Sloth-from-the-Goonies-looking pieces of shit wants to go next? Who the fuck are you? You're first? Cool! Okay, wait.
No, let me guess.
Your favorite contribution to Black American culture was all the Black guys who fucked your mom in the ass while you watched from the closet, jerking off? (FURNITURE SLIDING) - (HEAVY IMPACT) - (THUD) - (INMATES YELLING) - (HEAVY THUD) - (HEAVY IMPACTS) - (GROANING) - INMATE: Fuck! - (GROANS) Fuck.
INMATE: Get up! Come on! You never answered.
Who are you? I'm just the guy who's gonna fuck you so hard, your asshole's gonna be dragging behind you like a tail.
(INMATES JEERING) Oh no, you're not gonna goad me into attacking you.
We both know there's cameras all over this place.
And now, these morons look like the aggressors.
GUARD: On the ground! Now! Both of you! Yo, the Aryans started it! This dude did nothin'! - (CUFFS CLICKING) - You're a bad dad.
I need to talk to Detective Song! Now! - (WHISPERS) Fuck.
- I need to talk to Detective Song! I got information important to this case.
My son's trying to kill me.
- Get me Detective Song! - Come on.
- (INDISTINCT SPORTS COMMENTARY ON TV) - (CROWD CHEERS) Hey.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, I figured you'd be here.
(SIGHS) Smith, you really have to leave me alone in my off-hours, unless it's work-related.
Well, this is kind of work-related.
What? What's it say in my file about what my dad did when I was a kid? What? Adebayo just said there was some stuff in there, about me and my dad when I was a kid.
- I never studied your fucking file.
- Yeah but still.
(SIGHS) Fine, it says that he trained you to kill from when you were very young.
And it says that your brother died under mysterious circumstances, and that you were involved in that.
Thanks.
That's it? No, your tits look stellar in that shirt.
And I'm saying that as a compliment, that's not in a sexist way.
- (INDISTINCT SPORTS COMMENTARY ON TV) - (CROWD CHEERS) ("HOUSE OF PAIN" BY FASTER PUSSYCAT PLAYING) (CHEERING CONTINUES) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (WATER PIPE BUBBLES) - (EXHALES) - (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) (BUTTERFLY CHITTERS) (DRUM FILL) (KEYS JANGLING) GUARD: Free to go.
Me? - (BUZZER SOUNDING) - Yeah.
I guess you got friends in high places.
It's a little past suppertime I'm still out on the porch step Sitting on my behind waiting for you Wondering if everything is all right Momma said, "Come in, boy don't waste your time" I said, "I've got time well, he'll be here soon" (CELL PHONE BUZZING) Five years old and talking to myself Where were you? Where'd you go? Daddy, can't you tell? I'm not trying to fake it and I ain't the one to blame No, there's no one home in my house of pain No, there's no one home in my house of pain HARCOURT: I'm here to take you home.
Get in.
And I didn't write these pages And my script's been rearranged No, there's no one home in my house of pain No, there's no one home He's still alive.
I'm Adrian.
(POLICE SIREN BLARING) Okay.
I think I might have made things worse.
Where were you? Where'd you go? Daddy, can't you tell? I'm not trying to fake it and I ain't the one to blame No, there's no one home in my house of pain No, there's no one home in my house of pain (DRUM FILL) (SOULFUL GUITAR SOLO) (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) I'm not trying to fake it and I ain't the one Peacemaker.
What a joke.
In my house of pain I didn't write these pages And my script's been rearranged No, there's no one home in my house of pain No, there's no one home in my house of pain I'm alone again No, there's no one home in my house of pain No, there's no one home in my house of pain - And I'm alone again - (SONG CONCLUDES) (PAPERS RUSTLING) (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (PLASTIC CRINKLING) (MUSIC DARKENS) - (INDISTINCT YELLING ON TV) - (CELL PHONE BUZZING) - Leota.
- I think I found something.
- Great.
I'll be right over.
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS) (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) (APPENDAGE SLITHERING, SLURPING) ("ENEMY IN ME" BY VAINS OF JENNA PLAYS) So you're looking for an enemy You found an enemy in me (SLURPING CONTINUES) You spit the venom but your rattle couldn't make it bleed Get rid of the cigarette If you're serious put your money where your mouth is Freak out with no control put your crayon away 'Cause this scene is gettin' real old Cramped inside your shell please break out! Tripped out on violence Put your trust in every word you say But you fucked me over anyway Embrace the silence Till you tell me where you were before Give it up, you're twisting my desires to war Come on, slit me with your best lie In the mind of a blind eye Forget forgiveness 'cause there's battle and it's just begun What's the thrill with the sugar, the pill All that shit you said, well it didn't mean a thing, no Strip off and join the show You got your two middle fingers but I'm waiting with a fistful Creep you're the enemy in me You're the enemy in me you're the enemy in me One is never enough (SONG CONCLUDES) If it walks like a duck, it's either a duck, or a duck wearing some type of human costume, I don't know! He's he's unable to hide his distinctive walk! How the fuck could that even happen? VIGILANTE: How would what happen? A duck in a human costume! The sizes are completely incompatible! I mean, my pants would be caught up in my tiny, webbed feet.
They'd be sagging all over the place.
It wouldn't fucking work! How would they do the mask with the beak? And how would he even talk? How would the mouth work? I don't even know any of this! Vigilante, you've had a lot of fucking stupid ideas, but a duck in a human costume? That's the stupidest idea you've ever fucking had! And it's offensive to me, 'cause I have a soul.
Not a duck.