Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014) s01e04 Episode Script
I'm Super!
Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day! Except when they don't.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie, score a goal I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero Steady.
Steady.
- Ste - Phyllis! Uh.
Just wondering where we're zapping today? Hopefully somewhere less con carne than last week's man-eating burrito world.
Today is not very special.
It's just world of superheroes.
I'm sorry, did you did you just say "superheroes?" Ooh! Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? Today is superhero day? Is today superhero day? Today? Today? Today maybe? Today? Just to be clear, was that a "yes"flush or a "no" flush? That's a no.
Super heroes! What would you guys rather have, super strength or super speed? - Death vision.
- That wasn't one of Death vision.
Guys I am a superhero! I am superheroing right now.
I'm off the ground, I'm flying around.
Cloud poo.
Whoo-hee! Look at me go.
I've dreamed of this ever since I was 6 years old.
I am a superhero.
I know superheroes don't cry, but dang it! Super strength, flight and laser vision.
Could this get any better? Yes, it can! Invulnerability! A giant brain and a dress? I must be a super smart lady.
How did you say that without moving your mouth? How did you say that without moving your mouth? You're reading my mind.
Do you know what that means? No, but be quiet so I can read your mind and find out.
I still have no idea! Okay, let's crunch some skulls.
Yeah, before the skull crunching, can we just acknowledge that you look like a skunk? I am Skunk Woman.
I possess the abilities and instincts of nature's most formidable omnivore.
Okay, it's not my first choice, but it doesn't matter, because a hero's true power is the power that lies within.
Yeah.
Keep telling yourself that.
- She is.
- Grrr.
All righty, Sash, check the specs.
Okay, today we have to stop a super-villain who has a secret weapon he's gonna use to destroy Megasupertropolis.
And to that I say, invulnerability! Also flight, laser vision, these babies, those mamas, these little guys back here, underwear outside my pants, and a puppy in trouble! This is clearly a job for Hold on, what is that? Was that an 8? A Mr.
Eight Ball? I don't think it's a number.
It's like either a dollar sign or two awesome snakes just hugging.
Yeah, well, never fear, lonesome hound.
Huh? - They got a dog superhero? - Just 'cause he ripped a truck in half, can fly and has a great wink, doesn't make him a superhero.
- Okay, well, now you're just showing off! - He's not the only one.
Bring it over this way.
That's super.
I'm gonna be late for work.
Hey, where'd you learn how to park? I'll lift up your car and I'll put it over here! Hey, your hot dogs, get 'em while they're hot.
Excuse me, sir? Please, Sir is my super father's name.
I am Captain Super Captain! Sorry.
Uh Captain Super Captain Captain Super Captain! I'm not gonna say it like that.
What's the deal? There's like superheroes everywhere.
Of course, everyone in Megasupertropolis has amazing superpowers.
Oh, you mean like flight, super strength and laser vision? Get off my super lawn! Did somebody order a force field with a side of saving the day and two scoops of being awesome? Thank goodness for Captain Super Captain! Let's just get back to the mission.
Megasupertropolis needs us.
No, we don't need you! You wrecked our city.
Hey! Behold! The instrument of your demise.
Prepare for your doom, heroes.
This is a job for - Captain Super Captain.
- The Speedster.
- Spatula Man.
- Power Person.
- Miss Spandex.
- Giant old lady.
Hugs.
Everyone loves hugs, am I right? What happened to my super speed? I think you mean my super speed.
That's right.
By merely touching you, Larry has the ability to steal your power and give it to me.
I am a human parasite.
You can call me Larasite.
Or you can call me Larry.
I mean, it's up to you.
Gotcha.
Thank you.
Ew! Time to take this tin can out for recycling.
Captain Super Peek-a-boo.
Why walk when you can take the bus? Shrinking over here! The power of one old lady.
You better hope that metal suit has an airbag! You think you can defeat me with only the power of What is that? An 8? No.
A stack of two donuts? You know, I don't know.
It could be a snowman, I guess.
Well, it does have a snowman vibe.
Maybe it's two awesome cookies, hugging.
Hey! My turn! Thanks for your laser vision, the super strength and the great wink.
I had a great wink? Hey, I got no powers! What am I gonna do without my super speed? I've never tasted fear before.
- It's gross.
- Come on, you guys can't give up! We got no choice.
Without powers I'm just a highly skilled construction worker.
I'm just an incredibly handsome, ripped electrician.
Without my speed, I'm just a math teacher.
I sell lamps.
- I'm a janitor.
- I repair spatulas.
Hey, it's a living.
Guys, we can still do this! A hero once told me something.
If you wear your underpants on the outside, make sure they're clean.
Put a pin in that.
She told me powers aren't what make a hero super.
A hero's true power is what's inside them.
That's our real power.
And that's something that a weird, slimy, half-mutant, tentacle man-thing can never take from us! So what are you saying? What I'm saying, Miss, is take me to your lamp store because we're gonna need lamps, a whole lot of lamps.
Today Megasupertropolis.
- Tomorrow, the world.
- The entire world? By tomorrow? I'd give myself at least a week.
It took that long just to remodel my kitchen.
- Larry - And I was working on that thing 24/7.
- Larry.
- Everyone was like, "Where did you find the appliances?" And I said, "Aisle 7.
" And they said, "Put them back and stop pretending you live here.
You're scaring the customers.
" I can read your mind.
I'm getting all this twice.
Hey, rust bucket, we're tired of heavy metal.
It's time for some old school! Hey, bad guy, why don't you lighten up? Clean-up on aisle whoop-your-butt! No! Captain Regular Captain! Here you go, a spatula.
No! Hey, I feel super again! Whoo! Yeah! Captain Super Captain! To be honest, Larry, it feels better not to have you in my belly.
Really? I was starting to feel at home in there.
It was kind of cozy.
You know, Sash, you were right.
You don't need super powers to be a hero.
But it doesn't hurt! Oh, that's horrible.
Achoo! Um Uh Huh.
Okay, people, let's have a good zap today.
Sashi, if we get vampires again, we just go stake through the heart, remember, we don't burn them.
'Cause that smelled really bad last time.
And, Boone, just really try to focus on your job as wise man today, okay? You know what's the best part about having braces? You eat lunch, right, and then later, the leftovers are already like right in your mouth.
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
I feel like we're not communicating.
What? A completely regular carpet? I can't work with this.
I need a Oh, it's a magic carpet! Whoo! - Magic! - Penn? Penn? Oh, I don't have any legs! - Boone, you're a genie.
- I'm a genie? Ooh! I'm a genie! - Genie power! - This is the coolest world ever.
Sashi, am I right or am I right? One word, I break your faces! You heard her, Boone, no monkey business.
Sash, check the specs.
- Okay, today's mission - You know what? Monkey business would be a sweet name for a - business that rents monkeys.
- Anyway, today's mission: protect the lamp from bandits who want to destroy the Sultan's palace.
Well, as long as the bandits don't figure out where we are, this is gonna be the easiest mission ever.
Rent five monkeys, the sixth one's free! Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey business! - Yeah! - Boone.
Thanks to your garish, yet effective business promotion, you've given away your position.
Now the lamp is mine and evil will finally pre Ugh.
Lots of sand in this thing.
Oh, just get the lamp! Thanks a bunch, Boone.
Don't worry.
I'll make it up to you.
A la gelato.
Mmm, brown flavor.
Try pink.
A la kabuya.
- Boone.
- A la desert horse.
Ah.
Ooh.
I can't see.
Boone! Help! Seriously! A la kading.
A la kadone.
A la kapish.
A la kapon.
- Mission accomplished.
- No, mission not accomplished! Explain how a giant rusty anchor in the middle of the desert is helping.
Okay, well, aside from that, name one thing I didn't do right.
Okay, you know what, Boone? Maybe you should just go back in your lamp, so we can save this world on our own.
It wouldn't be the first time.
Wait, I I didn't mean it like that.
Your insulting wish is my command.
Boone.
Boone? Leave me alone.
Trouble in bromance land? Woo-woo! Boone! Genie, I am your new master.
Bow to my will.
Ow! Does anyone have a pair of pliers? Not a pair.
I just have the one plier.
To the hardware store.
- License and registration.
- I was moving with the flow of traffic.
I really respect what you guys are doing.
- License and registration.
- Oh.
Um Oh Uh - This is all my fault.
- No, it's not.
I know.
It's Boone's.
Totally Boone's.
I just thought I'd sound like a jerk if I said it out loud, but since you agree with me, it's totally okay to talk about him behind his back.
Which is what I would say if he wasn't my friend, which he is, and that was a test and you just passed.
So congrats on passing.
Look, you want the truth, PZ? Your problem with Boone isn't that he does things wrong.
It's that he doesn't do things the way that you would do them.
But he's not supposed to.
Boone is Boone.
That's who he is.
Hey, Sash, are you eating bugs out of my hair? Yes.
Mm, I am, because I am me.
And today that's a monkey.
Get back in my mouth! _ I don't know when all your birthdays are so I got something for everyone.
For you, for you, for you.
Dude, I said leave me alo Okay, what'd you do with my friends? If you hurt Penn or laid one finger - on Sashi's precious monkey head, I'll - You'll what? I control the lamp, your power is mine.
To the palace! - What? - I said to the palace! - What palace? - The Sultan's palace.
Okay, where is it? You don't know? How do you not know?! Finally get a genie and he's useless.
No wonder you couldn't help your friends.
I'm gonna be honest, this is my first time trying to push-start a magic carpet.
- You sure this will work? - Nope.
But it's your idea.
And you're you.
And I trust you.
Now let's do this.
Ready, set, go No! Oh! Okay.
Uh - Yeah! - Whoo! Maybe you should just wish for a GPS.
I'm not going to waste one of my three wishes on a GPS.
Ha! You should, the new ones are great.
And you can make them talk like an English butler.
Fine, I wish for a GPS.
Your wish is my command.
It's not turning on.
Well, you didn't wish for a GPS with batteries.
Should've wished for it at that hardware store.
They had all kinds of batteries, AA, AAA, 9 volt.
What about those little ones for watches? - That look like baby nickels? - Yeah.
But now I wish they actually were baby nickels 'cause that'd be, like, the coolest way to pay a baby.
I wish people paid me with baby nickels when I was a baby.
I wish babies could pay other babies with baby nickels and make deposits in a baby nickel bank run by other babies.
Like a baby stock exchange? Yeah, and they're all throwing little pieces of paper in the air with little baby hands.
That's what I'd wish for.
I wish I had some peace and quiet! Okay, peas and quiet.
Oh, you fool! Now I only have one wish left.
Ohhhh! Boss.
The Sultan's palace.
That's I still have some baby nickels! Boone, look I shouldn't have wished you away.
Not only did you make an anchor, but you're also the anchor of this team.
You know, you're dense and you weigh us down, but you also hold us steady.
Enough! I still have one wish destroy the palace! That is a great last wish.
I totally thought he'd use his last wish to off you.
Wait.
Finally, a good idea.
Annihilate Penn Zero! - Boone, are you kidding me right now? - Do it! No, no, technically, you didn't say "I wish, " so if you want me to make him expire I wish you would make Penn Zero expire.
Your wish is my command.
Boone is Boone.
Boone is Boone.
Boone is Boone.
Boone is - Milk? - I said annihilate him! No, you said "Make him expire.
" Check the date.
He's totally rancid.
Okay, I wish you would annihilate Penn Zero.
Yup, sorry, dude, out of wishes.
Mission accomplished.
Whoa! Whoa! So, uh.
how'd you know that would work? Oh, I didn't.
I just thought, what would Penn do? But, yeah, no, that totally could have gone South and Sultan, I present to you the lamp.
Lamp-shmamp, I'm gonna rent me some monkeys.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie, score a goal I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero Steady.
Steady.
- Ste - Phyllis! Uh.
Just wondering where we're zapping today? Hopefully somewhere less con carne than last week's man-eating burrito world.
Today is not very special.
It's just world of superheroes.
I'm sorry, did you did you just say "superheroes?" Ooh! Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? Today is superhero day? Is today superhero day? Today? Today? Today maybe? Today? Just to be clear, was that a "yes"flush or a "no" flush? That's a no.
Super heroes! What would you guys rather have, super strength or super speed? - Death vision.
- That wasn't one of Death vision.
Guys I am a superhero! I am superheroing right now.
I'm off the ground, I'm flying around.
Cloud poo.
Whoo-hee! Look at me go.
I've dreamed of this ever since I was 6 years old.
I am a superhero.
I know superheroes don't cry, but dang it! Super strength, flight and laser vision.
Could this get any better? Yes, it can! Invulnerability! A giant brain and a dress? I must be a super smart lady.
How did you say that without moving your mouth? How did you say that without moving your mouth? You're reading my mind.
Do you know what that means? No, but be quiet so I can read your mind and find out.
I still have no idea! Okay, let's crunch some skulls.
Yeah, before the skull crunching, can we just acknowledge that you look like a skunk? I am Skunk Woman.
I possess the abilities and instincts of nature's most formidable omnivore.
Okay, it's not my first choice, but it doesn't matter, because a hero's true power is the power that lies within.
Yeah.
Keep telling yourself that.
- She is.
- Grrr.
All righty, Sash, check the specs.
Okay, today we have to stop a super-villain who has a secret weapon he's gonna use to destroy Megasupertropolis.
And to that I say, invulnerability! Also flight, laser vision, these babies, those mamas, these little guys back here, underwear outside my pants, and a puppy in trouble! This is clearly a job for Hold on, what is that? Was that an 8? A Mr.
Eight Ball? I don't think it's a number.
It's like either a dollar sign or two awesome snakes just hugging.
Yeah, well, never fear, lonesome hound.
Huh? - They got a dog superhero? - Just 'cause he ripped a truck in half, can fly and has a great wink, doesn't make him a superhero.
- Okay, well, now you're just showing off! - He's not the only one.
Bring it over this way.
That's super.
I'm gonna be late for work.
Hey, where'd you learn how to park? I'll lift up your car and I'll put it over here! Hey, your hot dogs, get 'em while they're hot.
Excuse me, sir? Please, Sir is my super father's name.
I am Captain Super Captain! Sorry.
Uh Captain Super Captain Captain Super Captain! I'm not gonna say it like that.
What's the deal? There's like superheroes everywhere.
Of course, everyone in Megasupertropolis has amazing superpowers.
Oh, you mean like flight, super strength and laser vision? Get off my super lawn! Did somebody order a force field with a side of saving the day and two scoops of being awesome? Thank goodness for Captain Super Captain! Let's just get back to the mission.
Megasupertropolis needs us.
No, we don't need you! You wrecked our city.
Hey! Behold! The instrument of your demise.
Prepare for your doom, heroes.
This is a job for - Captain Super Captain.
- The Speedster.
- Spatula Man.
- Power Person.
- Miss Spandex.
- Giant old lady.
Hugs.
Everyone loves hugs, am I right? What happened to my super speed? I think you mean my super speed.
That's right.
By merely touching you, Larry has the ability to steal your power and give it to me.
I am a human parasite.
You can call me Larasite.
Or you can call me Larry.
I mean, it's up to you.
Gotcha.
Thank you.
Ew! Time to take this tin can out for recycling.
Captain Super Peek-a-boo.
Why walk when you can take the bus? Shrinking over here! The power of one old lady.
You better hope that metal suit has an airbag! You think you can defeat me with only the power of What is that? An 8? No.
A stack of two donuts? You know, I don't know.
It could be a snowman, I guess.
Well, it does have a snowman vibe.
Maybe it's two awesome cookies, hugging.
Hey! My turn! Thanks for your laser vision, the super strength and the great wink.
I had a great wink? Hey, I got no powers! What am I gonna do without my super speed? I've never tasted fear before.
- It's gross.
- Come on, you guys can't give up! We got no choice.
Without powers I'm just a highly skilled construction worker.
I'm just an incredibly handsome, ripped electrician.
Without my speed, I'm just a math teacher.
I sell lamps.
- I'm a janitor.
- I repair spatulas.
Hey, it's a living.
Guys, we can still do this! A hero once told me something.
If you wear your underpants on the outside, make sure they're clean.
Put a pin in that.
She told me powers aren't what make a hero super.
A hero's true power is what's inside them.
That's our real power.
And that's something that a weird, slimy, half-mutant, tentacle man-thing can never take from us! So what are you saying? What I'm saying, Miss, is take me to your lamp store because we're gonna need lamps, a whole lot of lamps.
Today Megasupertropolis.
- Tomorrow, the world.
- The entire world? By tomorrow? I'd give myself at least a week.
It took that long just to remodel my kitchen.
- Larry - And I was working on that thing 24/7.
- Larry.
- Everyone was like, "Where did you find the appliances?" And I said, "Aisle 7.
" And they said, "Put them back and stop pretending you live here.
You're scaring the customers.
" I can read your mind.
I'm getting all this twice.
Hey, rust bucket, we're tired of heavy metal.
It's time for some old school! Hey, bad guy, why don't you lighten up? Clean-up on aisle whoop-your-butt! No! Captain Regular Captain! Here you go, a spatula.
No! Hey, I feel super again! Whoo! Yeah! Captain Super Captain! To be honest, Larry, it feels better not to have you in my belly.
Really? I was starting to feel at home in there.
It was kind of cozy.
You know, Sash, you were right.
You don't need super powers to be a hero.
But it doesn't hurt! Oh, that's horrible.
Achoo! Um Uh Huh.
Okay, people, let's have a good zap today.
Sashi, if we get vampires again, we just go stake through the heart, remember, we don't burn them.
'Cause that smelled really bad last time.
And, Boone, just really try to focus on your job as wise man today, okay? You know what's the best part about having braces? You eat lunch, right, and then later, the leftovers are already like right in your mouth.
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
I feel like we're not communicating.
What? A completely regular carpet? I can't work with this.
I need a Oh, it's a magic carpet! Whoo! - Magic! - Penn? Penn? Oh, I don't have any legs! - Boone, you're a genie.
- I'm a genie? Ooh! I'm a genie! - Genie power! - This is the coolest world ever.
Sashi, am I right or am I right? One word, I break your faces! You heard her, Boone, no monkey business.
Sash, check the specs.
- Okay, today's mission - You know what? Monkey business would be a sweet name for a - business that rents monkeys.
- Anyway, today's mission: protect the lamp from bandits who want to destroy the Sultan's palace.
Well, as long as the bandits don't figure out where we are, this is gonna be the easiest mission ever.
Rent five monkeys, the sixth one's free! Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey business! - Yeah! - Boone.
Thanks to your garish, yet effective business promotion, you've given away your position.
Now the lamp is mine and evil will finally pre Ugh.
Lots of sand in this thing.
Oh, just get the lamp! Thanks a bunch, Boone.
Don't worry.
I'll make it up to you.
A la gelato.
Mmm, brown flavor.
Try pink.
A la kabuya.
- Boone.
- A la desert horse.
Ah.
Ooh.
I can't see.
Boone! Help! Seriously! A la kading.
A la kadone.
A la kapish.
A la kapon.
- Mission accomplished.
- No, mission not accomplished! Explain how a giant rusty anchor in the middle of the desert is helping.
Okay, well, aside from that, name one thing I didn't do right.
Okay, you know what, Boone? Maybe you should just go back in your lamp, so we can save this world on our own.
It wouldn't be the first time.
Wait, I I didn't mean it like that.
Your insulting wish is my command.
Boone.
Boone? Leave me alone.
Trouble in bromance land? Woo-woo! Boone! Genie, I am your new master.
Bow to my will.
Ow! Does anyone have a pair of pliers? Not a pair.
I just have the one plier.
To the hardware store.
- License and registration.
- I was moving with the flow of traffic.
I really respect what you guys are doing.
- License and registration.
- Oh.
Um Oh Uh - This is all my fault.
- No, it's not.
I know.
It's Boone's.
Totally Boone's.
I just thought I'd sound like a jerk if I said it out loud, but since you agree with me, it's totally okay to talk about him behind his back.
Which is what I would say if he wasn't my friend, which he is, and that was a test and you just passed.
So congrats on passing.
Look, you want the truth, PZ? Your problem with Boone isn't that he does things wrong.
It's that he doesn't do things the way that you would do them.
But he's not supposed to.
Boone is Boone.
That's who he is.
Hey, Sash, are you eating bugs out of my hair? Yes.
Mm, I am, because I am me.
And today that's a monkey.
Get back in my mouth! _ I don't know when all your birthdays are so I got something for everyone.
For you, for you, for you.
Dude, I said leave me alo Okay, what'd you do with my friends? If you hurt Penn or laid one finger - on Sashi's precious monkey head, I'll - You'll what? I control the lamp, your power is mine.
To the palace! - What? - I said to the palace! - What palace? - The Sultan's palace.
Okay, where is it? You don't know? How do you not know?! Finally get a genie and he's useless.
No wonder you couldn't help your friends.
I'm gonna be honest, this is my first time trying to push-start a magic carpet.
- You sure this will work? - Nope.
But it's your idea.
And you're you.
And I trust you.
Now let's do this.
Ready, set, go No! Oh! Okay.
Uh - Yeah! - Whoo! Maybe you should just wish for a GPS.
I'm not going to waste one of my three wishes on a GPS.
Ha! You should, the new ones are great.
And you can make them talk like an English butler.
Fine, I wish for a GPS.
Your wish is my command.
It's not turning on.
Well, you didn't wish for a GPS with batteries.
Should've wished for it at that hardware store.
They had all kinds of batteries, AA, AAA, 9 volt.
What about those little ones for watches? - That look like baby nickels? - Yeah.
But now I wish they actually were baby nickels 'cause that'd be, like, the coolest way to pay a baby.
I wish people paid me with baby nickels when I was a baby.
I wish babies could pay other babies with baby nickels and make deposits in a baby nickel bank run by other babies.
Like a baby stock exchange? Yeah, and they're all throwing little pieces of paper in the air with little baby hands.
That's what I'd wish for.
I wish I had some peace and quiet! Okay, peas and quiet.
Oh, you fool! Now I only have one wish left.
Ohhhh! Boss.
The Sultan's palace.
That's I still have some baby nickels! Boone, look I shouldn't have wished you away.
Not only did you make an anchor, but you're also the anchor of this team.
You know, you're dense and you weigh us down, but you also hold us steady.
Enough! I still have one wish destroy the palace! That is a great last wish.
I totally thought he'd use his last wish to off you.
Wait.
Finally, a good idea.
Annihilate Penn Zero! - Boone, are you kidding me right now? - Do it! No, no, technically, you didn't say "I wish, " so if you want me to make him expire I wish you would make Penn Zero expire.
Your wish is my command.
Boone is Boone.
Boone is Boone.
Boone is Boone.
Boone is - Milk? - I said annihilate him! No, you said "Make him expire.
" Check the date.
He's totally rancid.
Okay, I wish you would annihilate Penn Zero.
Yup, sorry, dude, out of wishes.
Mission accomplished.
Whoa! Whoa! So, uh.
how'd you know that would work? Oh, I didn't.
I just thought, what would Penn do? But, yeah, no, that totally could have gone South and Sultan, I present to you the lamp.
Lamp-shmamp, I'm gonna rent me some monkeys.