Pennyworth (2019) s01e04 Episode Script
Lady Penelope
1 Mr.
Pennyworth, I'm Martha Kane.
How can I help you, Miss Kane? MARTHA: I need a driver-bodyguard.
Your advertisement says "ex-military.
" [YELLING.]
10,000 quid.
And she's got plenty more work for us.
What's the bad news? ALFRED: She's a No-Name.
ESME: I dreamt about Sykes all night.
I dreamt that she was waiting for me at my bus stop on Goodge Street.
[CROWD SHOUTING.]
- She thinks you're dead.
- That's romantic, isn't it? Coming back to life.
MR.
PENNYWORTH: Now you're doing well enough, you'll be thinking you're good enough for Esme.
Is that right? "East is East, and West is West, and ne'er the twain " ALFRED: I'm very much in love with Esme, sir.
That's why I'm here to request your permission to marry her.
I will disinherit her.
- Do you understand? - Yes.
Yes, I will.
HARWOOD: Tell the prime minister I have seen his last days coming.
For every ounce of blood I spill, he will pay.
The nation will rise in my name, and he will die.
[TAKES DEEP, GRUFF BREATH.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[PEOPLE CLAPPING IN DISTANCE.]
[LOUD, RAUCOUS CHATTER.]
Don't worry.
It'll be fine.
Come on.
- - [MEN LAUGHING.]
I'm-I'm sorry to bother you.
I beg your pardon.
- MAN: How dare you! - Please, I'm so sorry to bother you.
- Get your bloody hands off me.
- Sir, madam.
You dirty, bloody tramp! - [PANTING, TREMBLING.]
- Come on, let's go.
[SOBBING QUIETLY.]
[SOBBING CONTINUES.]
Hello, mate.
Rough day? Oh, you're you're a handsome old cove, aren't you? You-you could strike pity in a stone, you would.
What's your name? No, no, no.
No.
Don't worry, my dear.
[SHUDDERS.]
You've met a fellow Christian.
Huh? You fancy a cup of tea and a sandwich? - Yeah? - [GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Yeah, yeah, course you do.
Come along with me.
Yeah? Here.
You'll be as spry as a lurcher.
Yeah? [GRUNTS.]
All right, come on.
Nice and slow.
That's it, that's it.
[CHUCKLING.]
: Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
["TO HELL WITH POVERTY!" BY GANG OF FOUR PLAYING.]
Oh Ow! Inspector Aziz.
Lukewarm welcome.
You've got an Old Bailey face on.
A word.
In my arms, we shall begin With none of the rocks, well, there's no charge In this land right now You've disappointed me.
I thought you'd talk to me before making any rash decisions.
Rash? Me? Stroll on.
Working for a gang of violent subversive fanatics isn't rash? What fanatics are these? You work for Martha Kane who works for Thomas Wayne who works for the No-Name League.
First I'm hearing of it.
I could arrest you here and now and see you hang by the weekend.
You could.
I hope you're about to tell me why you won't.
You're a prize, Alfred.
Mark my words, civil war is coming.
Look around you.
How many of these people understand war? How many of them could command men in battle? Well, that dancer there could invade Russia all on her own.
Me, I'm not gonna command anybody, in any battle, anywhere.
Everyone will have to pick a side.
- That's the rules.
- Not me.
I'm told Her Majesty was quite struck by you.
She thought you dashing.
Really? Tell her I fancied her, too.
Respectfully and that.
If not for her soft heart, you, Mr.
Bashford and Mr.
MacDougal would already be in shackles.
They're not in this.
You'd all be much safer if you worked for your queen.
Mm.
She don't pay very well.
Stop working against her or you'll all hang.
Message received.
Oh.
By the by, how goes Esme? Thriving, I trust? She is.
What does she think about your work for the No-Names? Why do you ask? Curiosity.
The policeman's vice.
Cheerio.
[DOORBELL BUZZES.]
[WHISPERS.]
: Oh, fuck.
Is Mrs.
Blake at home? I'm sorry, Mrs.
Blake moved to the West Indies last year.
- Jamaica? - No, Trinidad.
I have her new address somewhere.
[CHAIN LOCK CLICKING.]
Good to meet you.
- Thomas Wayne.
- Martha Kane.
I've heard a great deal about you, Miss Kane.
You're very well regarded in the organization.
A little mysterious, but, uh Why is a nice American society girl like you mixed up with the No-Name League? Fighting somebody else's dirty war.
I could ask the same of you.
Me? [CHUCKLES.]
It's complicated.
Me? Simple: I get bored easily.
I like excitement.
Oh, really? An adventuress.
You strike me more as the idealistic type.
Do I? Well, a person can be both, I suppose.
So, you're a Duke girl, huh? Go, Demons.
Devils.
- You? - Gotham.
I've never been.
Is it as scary as people say? [SCOFFS.]
Perfectly safe and getting safer.
In 20 years, Gotham will be the Zurich of the Eastern Seaboard.
Now the leadership of the Raven Society keep their identities a secret.
They've recently elected a new chief.
We need to know who that is.
There's a fellow inside the Raven Society who will tell us the new leader's identity for a price.
You and Pennyworth are to meet with this chap.
Details of your rendezvous and funds to be used at your discretion.
And I will need you to sign for these.
The deal I made with Pennyworth stipulated no guns.
And that was the right deal to make.
Now we reel him in.
If he balks offer him more money.
Whatever it takes.
He's worth it.
Or at least the League thinks he is.
Street fighting between left and right-wing criminal gangs has resulted in three deaths and numerous injuries.
The police say the outlawed organizations known as the Raven Society and the No-Name League are to blame for the violence.
Hang 'em all, I say.
Blackshirts, Redshirts, they're all the bloody same.
Potless dossers.
That tasty Sherman just walked in.
Hi.
Miss Kane.
Hello.
Cola, please.
Cola for the lady.
How are things with you? So-so.
You, Miss Kane? Fine.
I have a job for you.
Sorry.
- I can't work for you anymore.
- Why not? - I'm getting married.
- Mm.
Congratulations.
How does that affect our arrangement? I've got to be safety-minded.
Married men can't mess about.
Hmm.
But they do.
That's a lot of money.
Marriage is expensive.
We'll manage.
It's too late to back out now.
You're in too deep.
I'm impressed.
You went straight for my throat, no messing about.
Thank you.
Thing is, Miss Kane, I lied about my reason for quitting.
The police already gave me a nudge about you.
It's too late to tell me it's too late.
Oh.
You told me you didn't know Thomas Wayne, - but he's your boss.
- He isn't.
I mean, he wasn't.
He is now.
I didn't know him then.
The police know that? Good thing for you you're American.
You can scarper.
Sharpish if I were you.
This job I'm talking about has no government angle at all.
The police won't object.
In fact, they'll probably approve.
I said, good thing you're American.
You can scarper.
Sharpish if I were y - I heard you.
That's not happening.
- Miss Kane Martha.
Hmm.
- I need your help, Alfred.
- Martha.
My old sergeant had five rules for staying alive.
Rule number one: don't be a hero.
Rule number two: avoid heroes.
- I'm no hero.
- They all say that.
Have you ever tried a Scotch egg? No.
Think about the money.
Rule number three: don't think about the money.
You're making these rules up.
Good sense is good sense.
Tell you what.
We're trying to get the name of the new Raven Society leader.
If we succeed, I'll pay you double that.
Cash on the nail.
One job.
Now I'm scared.
Because you know you're going to say yes.
It's an egg inside a sausage inside bread crumbs.
I don't know how they do it.
[PANTING, TREMBLING.]
[LOCK TURNS.]
Hello, Ez.
[PANTING.]
Now, first thing slowly put the gun down on that little table just there.
Go on.
[CONTINUES PANTING.]
Right.
Come here.
I'm sorry.
I've turned into such a measly coward.
You can't say that.
I've seen you in action.
You're a she-wolf, Ez.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Gordon Bennett.
Didn't I say use this only in the last resort? It was the last resort.
Who's-who's Gordon Bennett? Never mind him.
You could've killed me.
I heard a noise.
It was like someone was listening outside the door.
Well, what sort of noise did you hear? - Footsteps? Voices? - No.
It wasn't so much of a noise as a huge, terrible silence, as if someone was standing outside the door just breathing.
I know that feeling.
- It's scary.
- [WHISPERS.]
: Yes.
But it's your imagination.
I know.
I know.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Here, sit down.
[SIGHS.]
Now, I'm thinking, Ez I've got a big job on soon, long hours.
I don't want you worried.
Why don't you stay with Mum and Dad? Aren't you on non-speakers with your father? Wouldn't that be awkward? Well, you can be my flag of truce.
- And Mum'll be happy as a clam.
- Really? She'll be showing you off to the neighbors like you're color telly.
["AM I THE SAME GIRL" BY DUSTY SPRINGFIELD PLAYING.]
I told you, I've got a client next door.
- Turn that rubbish down.
- I turned it down.
Yeah, and then you turned it back up again, didn't you? Give it here.
Stop and look me over [SIGHS.]
I'm not gonna chase you.
I'm not gonna get angry.
[TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
So don't try and make me.
Why don't you stop and think it over [TURNS OFF MUSIC.]
Thank you.
I'm bored.
That's because you won't be a grown-up, and, uh read a book, have a wank; just don't interfere - with my job of work.
- Call that a job of work? Flogging an old fool with a candle up his arse? Bloody cheek.
You who hasn't earned a farthing for how long? Brass.
That's all you care about.
And here's me, fresh from the bastard gallows.
You want me out earning? And who put you on them gallows? You did, you daft bitch.
And who got you off 'em? I did.
Me.
Show some respect.
["AM I THE SAME GIRL" RESUMES.]
[CLICKS OFF MUSIC.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Clean yourself up.
Same girl whom you hurt so? I'm the one you hurt And I'm the one you need [GASPS, GROANS.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[CHOKING.]
[GASPING INHALE.]
[COUGHING.]
Shh.
[PANTING QUIETLY.]
[WHISPERS.]
: Behave.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
This ceiling must be like an old friend.
That damp stain there - is called Bodger.
- Mm-hmm [LAUGHS.]
That's Aunt Madge chasing a giraffe.
Mm-hmm.
And that one well I couldn't tell you what that is.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
I say.
[MOANING, GASPING AND THUMPING IN DISTANCE.]
Don't you say a word.
I won't.
Or you.
Take that wistful look off your gob.
[EXHALES.]
[WHISPERS.]
: Shut up.
[MOANING AND THUMPING CONTINUE.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Morning, Mr.
P.
He's trying to make sandals.
[CHUCKLES.]
I, uh I hope the accommodations weren't too humble for you, Esme.
No, it was jolly cozy.
Ah.
I think this is the first time we've had a young, unmarried female stay the night.
- An auspicious occasion.
- Don't start.
- I'm telling you, don't start.
- I think this calls for the, uh, good china.
- Good morning, Esme.
- Morning.
He thinks he's being funny.
Breakfast is ready as soon as his nibs - has watched the news.
- Not for me, Mum.
Job on.
Dad, be nice to Esme.
I'll be back tonight, or tomorrow early, maybe.
You got a clean hanky? Yeah, I do.
Will you call me? Haven't got rehearsal, so I'll be here all day.
I'll try.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
MAN [OVER SPEAKER.]
: The foundation and the love that is Jesus Christ, our Savior.
The sin of the world [MAN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
He'll be carrying a dozen white roses.
I don't mean to pry, Miss Kane, but does that gun in your bag have a round chambered? The safety's on.
I had a mate called Robbo.
Everybody has a good laugh when his name comes up, 'cause his last words were: "The safety's on.
" I take your point.
Over there.
Wake up, mate.
You'll miss your train.
Bollocks.
[GASPS.]
The darkness.
The darkness.
The darkness.
Hold on.
You're gonna be all right.
Hold on.
Oh, my God.
There you go.
Go on, sleep it off.
We've all been there.
Come on.
What now, miss? I'm trying to work that out.
- Who did him in, do you think? - He was gonna take us to the new leader of the Raven Society.
So the Ravens were ahead of you.
What's in his wallet? MARTHA: Huh.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[MAN MAKES INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT.]
[MAN BLOWS WHISTLE.]
[TRAIN WHISTLE FADING.]
[MAN WHISTLING MELODY.]
[WHISTLED MELODY CONTINUES.]
[WHISTLED MELODY CONTINUES.]
[WHISTLING STOPS.]
Well, that was shit.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
I'm afraid this will be a goose chase.
To be frank, I have no idea where to start looking.
Well, we won't need to look; they'll be out looking for us.
Right.
Well, I guess that's so.
Then we'll catch one and persuade him to cooperate.
That simple.
- What if they catch us? - Well, then I expect they'll take us to their leader, won't they? We can't lose.
You're, uh, taking the piss now, aren't you? Taking the mickey, miss.
I wouldn't take the piss of a client.
I like to know the local customs.
Where I'm from, it's considered rude to mock people.
Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking? Long story.
Right.
Your dad was a soldier.
A lifer.
Never understood those blokes.
Ten years was more than enough for me.
[BRAKES SQUEALING.]
I think if you stay in too long, you start to lose yourself.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
This is us.
[FOOTSTEPS NEARBY.]
Where are you off to? What do you care? Oh, don't be like that.
I care a lot.
You know I do.
Handsome is as handsome does, isn't she? I know when I'm not wanted.
Where are you going? I'm off to London, and I'm not coming back.
So goodbye.
London? Don't be daft.
Come on, Bet.
We're sisters, eh? Bet? Do you like marmalade, Esme? Mmm.
- I do.
It's scrumptious.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I expect you, uh I expect you think the Scots invented marmalade.
I've heard that's the case.
Rubbish.
Marmalade is Portuguese.
ESME: Oh.
MR.
PENNYWORTH: I ask you, oranges don't grow in Scotland, now, do they? [CHUCKLES.]
: I should think not.
And in Lisbon what do you suppose they call a large iron pot? [CHUCKLES.]
: I don't know.
In Lisbon, Esme, they call a large iron pot a marmalado.
[LAUGHS.]
No.
[CHUCKLES.]
I rest my case.
Stunning you with his Portuguese marmalade, is he? I'm sure Mr.
P is right.
Some, uh, kidneys, Esme? Um Don't, Esme, love.
No one likes 'em, except Mr.
P.
I've cooked a million, and they're wrong'uns every time.
I disagree.
They're just right.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GROANING.]
What's that? - ALFRED: A maypole.
- What's it for? Wouldn't like to say, miss, to a lady.
Pretend I'm not a lady.
It's for sex orgies, miss.
You're kidding me.
Very set in their ways, these country people.
Hey, would you look at that? MARTHA: "The Darkness Tea Rooms.
" Hmm.
[BELL CLANGING.]
Morning, all.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Welcome.
Please take a seat.
What can I get you? Lovely little place you have here.
We like to think so, sir.
Odd name.
The Darkness Tea Rooms.
Dark-Ness.
It's my name.
Ah, of course.
We will have a pot of Darjeeling.
And, um, should we have crumpets? - Sure.
- Let's have crumpets.
Darjeeling and crumpets.
I bring up the name Mrs.
Dark-Ness, because there's a sad story goes with it.
We were supposed to meet a man this morning at Paddington Station.
Only when we met him, he'd been stabbed.
He died, right there in front of us.
And he only said one thing before he went.
"The darkness," he said.
"The darkness.
" Isn't that a strange coincidence? I'll get your tea.
Hmm.
Hmm.
That was very direct.
Best way usually, miss.
Please call me Martha.
I hate "miss.
" Yes, miss.
Martha it is.
Now what? Their move.
But so when the shit hits the fan, what should I do? Switch off the fan, I suppose.
Or stand behind something shit-proof.
I completed the U.
S.
Marine Corps Reserve Combat Training program at Fort Benning.
I can handle myself.
You leave the rough stuff to me if it occurs, which it might not.
Hopefully.
[RATTLING.]
[RATTLING.]
Thank you.
[EXHALES.]
Should we drink that? I mean, she could have put knockout drops in it or something.
Poison the tea? Never.
The Raven Society might be a bad lot, but they're not bloody Italians.
I expect her boss will find his boss, and then they'll send - a few gunmen to fetch us.
- A few? We only need one.
[SIGHS.]
Hmm.
So, you're getting married.
Who's the lucky woman? I'm not sure how lucky she is.
Sorry.
Is that a rude question? She doesn't know I'm mixed up with all this sort of carry-on.
So, you know.
Bring her up and I wobble.
I understand.
Esme.
The name's Esme.
- She's an actress.
An actor.
- Mm.
Have you got a picture? Yeah.
Hmm.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, she looks kind, gentle.
Yeah.
I don't deserve her.
I expect she feels the same way.
Vice versa, I mean.
Nah.
Women don't think like that, do they? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't we? Ah, a woman knows her worth.
I mean, they do.
You do, don't you? A man has to find out.
Wow.
You're a genuine old-fashioned sexist.
I'm not sure what a sexist is, miss.
But if they're what they sound like, I'm not one.
Strictly a one-woman man, I am.
- [SNORTS.]
- What? She's a lucky woman.
You've made me feel guilty now.
Ah.
This, uh, was a 50-place service in honor of His Grace Baron Rutland, on the occasion of his 60th birthday.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
It's a gorgeous table.
- Mm.
- It's formal and yet lyrical somehow.
Oh.
Thank you, Esme.
Yes, I was, um I was quite satisfied with that one.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ah.
Yes, this was a-a less formal table for the French ambassador.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
- Mr.
P, this might be frightfully boring for you, and you have to say no - if you'd prefer not to, but - Mm.
would you consider helping me to plan our wedding? It's just that I do so want a day to make Alfie proud.
And, to be honest with you, it's all quite daunting.
And you have such a gift.
[CHUCKLES.]
I-I'd be, um I'd be happy and honored to assist you, Esme.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Mother! Telephone! Right, I've got ears.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hello? Hello, Mum.
Can't chat.
- Is Esme there? - Oh, hello, love.
How are you? You sound ever so close.
Where are you? Did you take your mac? - 'Cause it looks like rain again.
- Mum.
All right.
Yes, sir, Mr.
Bossy Boots.
Right away.
On the job, he says.
Only got a minute.
No time to waste on his mum.
Hello, darling.
Hello, Ez.
Just checking in.
Thank you.
How's the job? Oh, you know.
The usual.
Everybody still friendly, I hope? Yeah, we're having a lovely time.
Your dad's just a big teddy bear, really, isn't he? A teddy bear? You in the right house? Oh, ha-ha.
Oh, oh, do you have a shade of white that you particularly like? A shade of white? No.
Yes, I'm going to the flat today to look at colors.
Oh, are you? All right.
That's good.
Colors are good.
Listen, I've got to go.
On the job.
When are you when are you back? Hard to tell.
Look, stay at Mum's.
Love you.
[SHOTGUN RACKS.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
Esme, do tell him when you've seen enough.
Mr.
P said he'd help us with the wedding plans.
Oh, did he? That's very nice, I'm sure.
Don't sulk! You can help, too! Crikey, I've upset her now, haven't I? Come on out of there, you! Don't use that tone of voice with me, thank you.
And I wasn't sulking.
I'm so sorry, Mother.
I should have asked you first, of course.
Will you help as well? Please? [CHUCKLING.]
[SNIFFLING.]
[BELL JINGLING.]
I feel like I've got her on my clothes and in my hair.
[PANTING.]
- Oh, Jesus.
- This way.
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
[JANGLING.]
[PANTING.]
It's okay.
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTING.]
[GROANING.]
Fuck off.
[GRUNTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [GROANS.]
Shit.
[PANTING.]
[ANIMALS BLEATING IN DISTANCE.]
[SNIFFLING, PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
You're all right.
A few stitches.
We'll find a doctor and we'll get you home.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [SNIFFLES, GROANS SOFTLY.]
- [PANTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Fuck! Hey, we're alive and walking about.
That's a result.
Mm, this whole operation's been a horrible failure.
[SNIFFLES.]
The League will likely throw me out.
- [PANTING.]
- In the real Army, you can fail as much as you like they'll never throw you out.
There'd be nobody left.
But that is the real Army.
The No-Name League is not just a pretend army.
It's not just soldiers who can fight.
[GROANS SOFTLY.]
Never mind fighting.
Can you walk? Of course I can.
You need to find yourself a doctor.
I saw a hospital near town.
I'll deal with this other mob.
[SNIFFLES.]
Now let's go.
[GRUNTS.]
Which way? - - [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Hello.
What seems to be the trouble? - My leg.
- Oh, yes.
Dear me.
I'll have to call the doctor.
If you'll come this way, please, minding the carpet.
[SNIFFLES.]
How do you do, young lady? - Frances Gaunt.
- Margo.
Margo Keen.
Ah.
So, what happened, Miss Keen? - [WATER RUNNING.]
- Well, I'm afraid I walked through a glass door.
A glass door? [CHUCKLES.]
: How bizarre.
Why would anyone have a glass door? Uh, well, it was more of a French window sort of thing.
French window.
For God's sake.
How absurd.
I want a door or I want a window, not a half-baked compromise.
[LAUGHS.]
Now let me see.
[EXHALES.]
- Is it bad? - No.
Not really.
Eight or nine stitches.
[WHIMPERS SOFTLY.]
Now, this is an anesthetic to dull the pain while I'm stitching.
You'll feel a not unpleasant wooziness.
[WHIMPERS SOFTLY.]
There we are.
Good girl.
Will there be a scar? A little one, maybe.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Adds character.
But I don't want a scar.
[EXHALES.]
My mom had a scar where she Scar Nurse Dawson! Fair cop.
I'm tired of running.
Hey.
Steady on! There's no need for that! You caught me! You're bloody heroes! [GROANS.]
Fuck's sake! Calm yourself! - [HANDCUFFS CLICKING.]
- [GROANING.]
[GRUNTING.]
You calm yourself.
- [GROANS.]
- That's for Mrs.
Darkness, you callous murdering bastard.
Yeah, I'm very sorry about her.
It was unfortunate.
[SNIFFLES.]
Now, listen, you need to take me to the guv'nor of your mob.
I have a message for him.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Here's a message.
[GROANS.]
You better stop that right now, mate.
- Fuck off.
Stop what? - [SNIFFLES.]
You fucking done an old woman for no fucking reason, you filth.
How about we go and shoot your mum in the face? Now, that's enough.
Or what? [SHOUTS.]
- For fuck's sake! - [GROANING.]
I'm trying to do business here, like we're professionals.
Do you understand me? Business.
Now stop fucking about and take me to your guv'nor.
Snared, eh? The ruthless hunter killer at bay.
We're gonna roast you alive on a bonfire, old chap.
Cheer up the troops? That sort of thing? Yes.
You have a message? You are Raven Society, aren't you? Not some other similar jackboot mob? There's a lot of you about these days.
We are the Raven Society, yes.
Then, yes, I have an important message for your guv'nor.
From the No-Name League.
Go on.
Are you the guv'nor, sir? For your purposes, yes.
Yeah, no.
I need to see the real guv'nor.
The real guv'nor doesn't see the likes of you.
Then the real guv'nor doesn't get the message.
Not being difficult, sir.
Just following orders.
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCKS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Don't stand up yet, my dear.
You'll be very dizzy.
Uh, what happened? You fainted.
Blood loss.
All's well.
Nine stitches and a small, charming scar.
You're jolly lucky it wasn't much worse.
French windows, you say? So stupid of me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um my clothes? In the laundry.
They were sordid.
Tea? Earl Grey or herbal? Yes, please.
Whatever you're having.
I'm having gin.
Herbal, then.
Well, what's the message? You're not the man in charge.
Yes, I am.
How would you know, anyway? I can see your shoes.
Third-in-command at best, sir.
I need to parley with your big chief, the leader.
What's his name again? I don't think you have a message for the leader.
I think you're just delaying the punishment that's coming to you.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Your call.
You're very confident for a dead man.
Only a fool wouldn't kick this ball upstairs.
[MARTHA AND GAUNT LAUGHING.]
So glad we crossed paths.
New faces are a rare treat out here.
One sees the same tedious characters again and again.
[CHUCKLES.]
I can imagine.
[CHUCKLES.]
I've dined at every house in the county.
I've seen false lintels.
Spiral stairs.
Bidets.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I've seen monstrous things.
But I've never seen a French window.
Where were you? That's funny.
Um I must I must be still woozy.
I forget the family's name.
I hadn't met them before.
Friends of friends.
Of course, you're still woozy.
You need iron.
Drink your tea.
Nurse Dawson! Uh, bring Tanya, would you? MARTHA: Um Do you think my clothes are dry by now? You won't be needing them.
No? No, you and another young man were sent here to find and assassinate the leader of the Raven Society.
I can't very well let you walk away.
Excuse me? You killed poor Mrs.
Darkness for no reason and injured several good people, and to cap it all, you came stumbling right to my door.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amazing.
What are you talking about? It's me you're looking for.
I'm the new leader of the Raven Society that you came here to kill.
Um [PANTING.]
I'm sorry, Doctor, but you've made a mistake.
That or, uh, you're mentally unwell.
I don't know, b-but I'm going.
Oh, don't exert yourself.
You'll faint.
Bring me my clothes! Your clothes have been burnt.
I didn't seek this honor.
No, but after poor Jimmy Harwood's sad end, none of the men would step up, so here I am, God help me.
Trying to save this wretched country from the likes of you.
- Me? - Soft-hearted, liberal idealist do-gooders.
I guess that is me.
I think you exaggerate my power.
I feel jolly tempted to let you go along your merry way.
But, alas, you killed one of our people.
And a woman in charge must not look soft.
I have to set a stern example.
My colleague knows I'm here.
What'll he do? Call the police? Launch an assault? [CHUCKLES.]
- What's your real name? - Does it matter? Of course it does.
Not to me.
To you.
But don't be alarmed or squeamish.
Do you know this woman? No, no, g-give her a proper look.
Do you know her? No, it's not a trick question.
We don't know her, either.
We call her Tanya because she looks Russian.
Oh, now, are you sure - you don't know her? - Yes.
Yeah, well, I ask everyone if they know her.
She was a brave young woman.
Tried to kill me, like you.
She wouldn't tell us anything.
Not even her name.
No matter what was done to her.
She deserves to be buried decently, by her own people.
So I keep her like this for now.
Don't you think your family would want to know what had happened to you? Your name.
My name is Martha.
Martha Kane.
- Pleasure to meet you, Martha.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Madam Leader, forgive the intrusion.
We caught the other spy.
He says he has a message from the No-Names, for your ears only.
[GRUNTS.]
MARTHA: Hello, Alfred.
Who's that? Do I know you? The jig's up.
They know my name.
They know everything.
Oh.
Okay.
That's not good.
You all right? [SCOFFS.]
Been better.
Good day to you, young man.
Alfred, is it? Who are you, now? Frances Gaunt.
Leader of the Raven Society.
Get out.
A woman? No wonder you're a secret.
Don't be an ass.
- Is she really the guv'nor? - Seems so.
Oh, well, then, excuse my impertinence, madam.
How did you get here? She's the doctor.
Ah.
Bollocks.
So, do you have a message for me? - What? - A message from the No-Name leadership.
Oh, yeah.
No.
I made that up.
No message.
- You bastard.
- [GRUNTS.]
Steady on.
Fair play, you wouldn't even have me here if I hadn't let myself get caught.
Now, why would you do that? I get paid a lot more money if we succeed.
Seemed worth the risk.
Now, Miss Martha, Fort Benning now.
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, e-excuse me, if it's all the same to you, would you mind doing that facing me? I like to see things clearly.
God blind me, what do you take me for? The bloody Hun? Well, you killed Mrs.
Darkness.
That was an accident.
I'm very sorry about that.
We were told to find out your name.
That's all.
We're not like you.
We don't kill and torture people.
My dear, despite your courage, you are a complete fool.
Yeah, anyway ticktock, job done.
Give us a car and a couple of bottles of beer, and we'll be off.
Today in Berlin, Reich Chancellor Braun signed a power-sharing agreement with the Dutch senate that will allow the Netherlands partial autonomy - within the German Reich.
- [SNORING.]
Chancellor Braun personally guarantees the pact.
In home news, teenage pop fans nationwide were stunned to learn that Cliff Richard and the Shadows are breaking up to pursue separate careers.
Her Majesty's Minister for Culture has not yet issued a state [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
I haven't counted it.
Well, if you can't trust loony underground radicals, who can you trust? Cheers.
Cheers.
- Mmm.
- [EXHALES.]
You enjoyed yourself today, didn't you? Well, mission accomplished, no broken bones, cash money that's enjoyable.
I mean you enjoyed being close to death.
Death? Give over.
We were close to Swindon.
That's bad enough.
Everything's funny to you.
It's a sort of compulsion, isn't it? I had a mate called Spanish.
He used to say life's either a comedy or a tragedy, and you have to choose one or the other.
I prefer having a laugh.
I'll drink to that.
Comedy.
You were very game today, if I may say so, Miss Martha.
- Very game.
- [LAUGHS.]
Your bosses will be making you a captain or something.
Hmm.
I doubt that.
The politics of it all are still quite murky to me.
Well, murky's not good.
Why are you mucking about with these people? It's a long story.
You've got a lot of long stories.
You have to believe in something.
- Do you? - Hmm.
- Not me.
- You like to say that.
You know it's not true.
Oh, you see right through me, can you? No.
You're quite mysterious.
Hmm.
You said something that stuck with me.
You said my father was lying.
You said all soldiers have nightmares.
"Lying" is the wrong word.
I'm sure your dad was an honest man.
[LAUGHS.]
He made pancakes with faces on them, dressed as a pirate at Halloween.
[LAUGHING.]
That kind of a dad.
Happy.
Mm-hmm.
And then he died in a car crash.
And he was an excellent driver.
In my experience, it's your excellent drivers are the ones that crash.
Overconfidence.
Anyway, I I'd better be going.
I'd, um You'd better be going.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[EXHALES.]
Well, it was a pleasure working with you, Miss Kane.
Best of luck subverting the state and all that.
Best of luck to you, too, Alfred.
[LAUGHTER AND INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
Hey, look at this.
Want a biscuit, yeah? Yeah? Call.
- [WHINES.]
- Oh, good boy, good boy.
Yeah, that's yeah, yeah, good.
["GOD SAVE THE QUEEN" PLAYING ON TV.]
[SNORING QUIETLY.]
ESME: Alfie, I got the sudden urge to choose paint.
I'll be back by 11:00 at the latest.
If you get back in time, come and help me.
Love you, Esme.
Your eyes The look Your heart - [KEYS JINGLING.]
- Can't disguise [DOOR UNLOCKING.]
The look Of love Is saying so much more Than just words could ever say And what my heart has heard Well, it takes my breath away I can hardly wait to hold you - [GASPS.]
- Feel my arms around you How long I have waited Waited just to love you - [CHOKING.]
- Now that I Have found you You've got the look Of love It's on your face A look Esme! Esme.
Ez.
[CRYING.]
[SOBBING.]
[SOBBING.]
: Ez.
No.
Pennyworth, I'm Martha Kane.
How can I help you, Miss Kane? MARTHA: I need a driver-bodyguard.
Your advertisement says "ex-military.
" [YELLING.]
10,000 quid.
And she's got plenty more work for us.
What's the bad news? ALFRED: She's a No-Name.
ESME: I dreamt about Sykes all night.
I dreamt that she was waiting for me at my bus stop on Goodge Street.
[CROWD SHOUTING.]
- She thinks you're dead.
- That's romantic, isn't it? Coming back to life.
MR.
PENNYWORTH: Now you're doing well enough, you'll be thinking you're good enough for Esme.
Is that right? "East is East, and West is West, and ne'er the twain " ALFRED: I'm very much in love with Esme, sir.
That's why I'm here to request your permission to marry her.
I will disinherit her.
- Do you understand? - Yes.
Yes, I will.
HARWOOD: Tell the prime minister I have seen his last days coming.
For every ounce of blood I spill, he will pay.
The nation will rise in my name, and he will die.
[TAKES DEEP, GRUFF BREATH.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[PEOPLE CLAPPING IN DISTANCE.]
[LOUD, RAUCOUS CHATTER.]
Don't worry.
It'll be fine.
Come on.
- - [MEN LAUGHING.]
I'm-I'm sorry to bother you.
I beg your pardon.
- MAN: How dare you! - Please, I'm so sorry to bother you.
- Get your bloody hands off me.
- Sir, madam.
You dirty, bloody tramp! - [PANTING, TREMBLING.]
- Come on, let's go.
[SOBBING QUIETLY.]
[SOBBING CONTINUES.]
Hello, mate.
Rough day? Oh, you're you're a handsome old cove, aren't you? You-you could strike pity in a stone, you would.
What's your name? No, no, no.
No.
Don't worry, my dear.
[SHUDDERS.]
You've met a fellow Christian.
Huh? You fancy a cup of tea and a sandwich? - Yeah? - [GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Yeah, yeah, course you do.
Come along with me.
Yeah? Here.
You'll be as spry as a lurcher.
Yeah? [GRUNTS.]
All right, come on.
Nice and slow.
That's it, that's it.
[CHUCKLING.]
: Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
["TO HELL WITH POVERTY!" BY GANG OF FOUR PLAYING.]
Oh Ow! Inspector Aziz.
Lukewarm welcome.
You've got an Old Bailey face on.
A word.
In my arms, we shall begin With none of the rocks, well, there's no charge In this land right now You've disappointed me.
I thought you'd talk to me before making any rash decisions.
Rash? Me? Stroll on.
Working for a gang of violent subversive fanatics isn't rash? What fanatics are these? You work for Martha Kane who works for Thomas Wayne who works for the No-Name League.
First I'm hearing of it.
I could arrest you here and now and see you hang by the weekend.
You could.
I hope you're about to tell me why you won't.
You're a prize, Alfred.
Mark my words, civil war is coming.
Look around you.
How many of these people understand war? How many of them could command men in battle? Well, that dancer there could invade Russia all on her own.
Me, I'm not gonna command anybody, in any battle, anywhere.
Everyone will have to pick a side.
- That's the rules.
- Not me.
I'm told Her Majesty was quite struck by you.
She thought you dashing.
Really? Tell her I fancied her, too.
Respectfully and that.
If not for her soft heart, you, Mr.
Bashford and Mr.
MacDougal would already be in shackles.
They're not in this.
You'd all be much safer if you worked for your queen.
Mm.
She don't pay very well.
Stop working against her or you'll all hang.
Message received.
Oh.
By the by, how goes Esme? Thriving, I trust? She is.
What does she think about your work for the No-Names? Why do you ask? Curiosity.
The policeman's vice.
Cheerio.
[DOORBELL BUZZES.]
[WHISPERS.]
: Oh, fuck.
Is Mrs.
Blake at home? I'm sorry, Mrs.
Blake moved to the West Indies last year.
- Jamaica? - No, Trinidad.
I have her new address somewhere.
[CHAIN LOCK CLICKING.]
Good to meet you.
- Thomas Wayne.
- Martha Kane.
I've heard a great deal about you, Miss Kane.
You're very well regarded in the organization.
A little mysterious, but, uh Why is a nice American society girl like you mixed up with the No-Name League? Fighting somebody else's dirty war.
I could ask the same of you.
Me? [CHUCKLES.]
It's complicated.
Me? Simple: I get bored easily.
I like excitement.
Oh, really? An adventuress.
You strike me more as the idealistic type.
Do I? Well, a person can be both, I suppose.
So, you're a Duke girl, huh? Go, Demons.
Devils.
- You? - Gotham.
I've never been.
Is it as scary as people say? [SCOFFS.]
Perfectly safe and getting safer.
In 20 years, Gotham will be the Zurich of the Eastern Seaboard.
Now the leadership of the Raven Society keep their identities a secret.
They've recently elected a new chief.
We need to know who that is.
There's a fellow inside the Raven Society who will tell us the new leader's identity for a price.
You and Pennyworth are to meet with this chap.
Details of your rendezvous and funds to be used at your discretion.
And I will need you to sign for these.
The deal I made with Pennyworth stipulated no guns.
And that was the right deal to make.
Now we reel him in.
If he balks offer him more money.
Whatever it takes.
He's worth it.
Or at least the League thinks he is.
Street fighting between left and right-wing criminal gangs has resulted in three deaths and numerous injuries.
The police say the outlawed organizations known as the Raven Society and the No-Name League are to blame for the violence.
Hang 'em all, I say.
Blackshirts, Redshirts, they're all the bloody same.
Potless dossers.
That tasty Sherman just walked in.
Hi.
Miss Kane.
Hello.
Cola, please.
Cola for the lady.
How are things with you? So-so.
You, Miss Kane? Fine.
I have a job for you.
Sorry.
- I can't work for you anymore.
- Why not? - I'm getting married.
- Mm.
Congratulations.
How does that affect our arrangement? I've got to be safety-minded.
Married men can't mess about.
Hmm.
But they do.
That's a lot of money.
Marriage is expensive.
We'll manage.
It's too late to back out now.
You're in too deep.
I'm impressed.
You went straight for my throat, no messing about.
Thank you.
Thing is, Miss Kane, I lied about my reason for quitting.
The police already gave me a nudge about you.
It's too late to tell me it's too late.
Oh.
You told me you didn't know Thomas Wayne, - but he's your boss.
- He isn't.
I mean, he wasn't.
He is now.
I didn't know him then.
The police know that? Good thing for you you're American.
You can scarper.
Sharpish if I were you.
This job I'm talking about has no government angle at all.
The police won't object.
In fact, they'll probably approve.
I said, good thing you're American.
You can scarper.
Sharpish if I were y - I heard you.
That's not happening.
- Miss Kane Martha.
Hmm.
- I need your help, Alfred.
- Martha.
My old sergeant had five rules for staying alive.
Rule number one: don't be a hero.
Rule number two: avoid heroes.
- I'm no hero.
- They all say that.
Have you ever tried a Scotch egg? No.
Think about the money.
Rule number three: don't think about the money.
You're making these rules up.
Good sense is good sense.
Tell you what.
We're trying to get the name of the new Raven Society leader.
If we succeed, I'll pay you double that.
Cash on the nail.
One job.
Now I'm scared.
Because you know you're going to say yes.
It's an egg inside a sausage inside bread crumbs.
I don't know how they do it.
[PANTING, TREMBLING.]
[LOCK TURNS.]
Hello, Ez.
[PANTING.]
Now, first thing slowly put the gun down on that little table just there.
Go on.
[CONTINUES PANTING.]
Right.
Come here.
I'm sorry.
I've turned into such a measly coward.
You can't say that.
I've seen you in action.
You're a she-wolf, Ez.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Gordon Bennett.
Didn't I say use this only in the last resort? It was the last resort.
Who's-who's Gordon Bennett? Never mind him.
You could've killed me.
I heard a noise.
It was like someone was listening outside the door.
Well, what sort of noise did you hear? - Footsteps? Voices? - No.
It wasn't so much of a noise as a huge, terrible silence, as if someone was standing outside the door just breathing.
I know that feeling.
- It's scary.
- [WHISPERS.]
: Yes.
But it's your imagination.
I know.
I know.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Here, sit down.
[SIGHS.]
Now, I'm thinking, Ez I've got a big job on soon, long hours.
I don't want you worried.
Why don't you stay with Mum and Dad? Aren't you on non-speakers with your father? Wouldn't that be awkward? Well, you can be my flag of truce.
- And Mum'll be happy as a clam.
- Really? She'll be showing you off to the neighbors like you're color telly.
["AM I THE SAME GIRL" BY DUSTY SPRINGFIELD PLAYING.]
I told you, I've got a client next door.
- Turn that rubbish down.
- I turned it down.
Yeah, and then you turned it back up again, didn't you? Give it here.
Stop and look me over [SIGHS.]
I'm not gonna chase you.
I'm not gonna get angry.
[TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
So don't try and make me.
Why don't you stop and think it over [TURNS OFF MUSIC.]
Thank you.
I'm bored.
That's because you won't be a grown-up, and, uh read a book, have a wank; just don't interfere - with my job of work.
- Call that a job of work? Flogging an old fool with a candle up his arse? Bloody cheek.
You who hasn't earned a farthing for how long? Brass.
That's all you care about.
And here's me, fresh from the bastard gallows.
You want me out earning? And who put you on them gallows? You did, you daft bitch.
And who got you off 'em? I did.
Me.
Show some respect.
["AM I THE SAME GIRL" RESUMES.]
[CLICKS OFF MUSIC.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Clean yourself up.
Same girl whom you hurt so? I'm the one you hurt And I'm the one you need [GASPS, GROANS.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[CHOKING.]
[GASPING INHALE.]
[COUGHING.]
Shh.
[PANTING QUIETLY.]
[WHISPERS.]
: Behave.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
This ceiling must be like an old friend.
That damp stain there - is called Bodger.
- Mm-hmm [LAUGHS.]
That's Aunt Madge chasing a giraffe.
Mm-hmm.
And that one well I couldn't tell you what that is.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
I say.
[MOANING, GASPING AND THUMPING IN DISTANCE.]
Don't you say a word.
I won't.
Or you.
Take that wistful look off your gob.
[EXHALES.]
[WHISPERS.]
: Shut up.
[MOANING AND THUMPING CONTINUE.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Morning, Mr.
P.
He's trying to make sandals.
[CHUCKLES.]
I, uh I hope the accommodations weren't too humble for you, Esme.
No, it was jolly cozy.
Ah.
I think this is the first time we've had a young, unmarried female stay the night.
- An auspicious occasion.
- Don't start.
- I'm telling you, don't start.
- I think this calls for the, uh, good china.
- Good morning, Esme.
- Morning.
He thinks he's being funny.
Breakfast is ready as soon as his nibs - has watched the news.
- Not for me, Mum.
Job on.
Dad, be nice to Esme.
I'll be back tonight, or tomorrow early, maybe.
You got a clean hanky? Yeah, I do.
Will you call me? Haven't got rehearsal, so I'll be here all day.
I'll try.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
MAN [OVER SPEAKER.]
: The foundation and the love that is Jesus Christ, our Savior.
The sin of the world [MAN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
He'll be carrying a dozen white roses.
I don't mean to pry, Miss Kane, but does that gun in your bag have a round chambered? The safety's on.
I had a mate called Robbo.
Everybody has a good laugh when his name comes up, 'cause his last words were: "The safety's on.
" I take your point.
Over there.
Wake up, mate.
You'll miss your train.
Bollocks.
[GASPS.]
The darkness.
The darkness.
The darkness.
Hold on.
You're gonna be all right.
Hold on.
Oh, my God.
There you go.
Go on, sleep it off.
We've all been there.
Come on.
What now, miss? I'm trying to work that out.
- Who did him in, do you think? - He was gonna take us to the new leader of the Raven Society.
So the Ravens were ahead of you.
What's in his wallet? MARTHA: Huh.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[MAN MAKES INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT.]
[MAN BLOWS WHISTLE.]
[TRAIN WHISTLE FADING.]
[MAN WHISTLING MELODY.]
[WHISTLED MELODY CONTINUES.]
[WHISTLED MELODY CONTINUES.]
[WHISTLING STOPS.]
Well, that was shit.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
I'm afraid this will be a goose chase.
To be frank, I have no idea where to start looking.
Well, we won't need to look; they'll be out looking for us.
Right.
Well, I guess that's so.
Then we'll catch one and persuade him to cooperate.
That simple.
- What if they catch us? - Well, then I expect they'll take us to their leader, won't they? We can't lose.
You're, uh, taking the piss now, aren't you? Taking the mickey, miss.
I wouldn't take the piss of a client.
I like to know the local customs.
Where I'm from, it's considered rude to mock people.
Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking? Long story.
Right.
Your dad was a soldier.
A lifer.
Never understood those blokes.
Ten years was more than enough for me.
[BRAKES SQUEALING.]
I think if you stay in too long, you start to lose yourself.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
This is us.
[FOOTSTEPS NEARBY.]
Where are you off to? What do you care? Oh, don't be like that.
I care a lot.
You know I do.
Handsome is as handsome does, isn't she? I know when I'm not wanted.
Where are you going? I'm off to London, and I'm not coming back.
So goodbye.
London? Don't be daft.
Come on, Bet.
We're sisters, eh? Bet? Do you like marmalade, Esme? Mmm.
- I do.
It's scrumptious.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I expect you, uh I expect you think the Scots invented marmalade.
I've heard that's the case.
Rubbish.
Marmalade is Portuguese.
ESME: Oh.
MR.
PENNYWORTH: I ask you, oranges don't grow in Scotland, now, do they? [CHUCKLES.]
: I should think not.
And in Lisbon what do you suppose they call a large iron pot? [CHUCKLES.]
: I don't know.
In Lisbon, Esme, they call a large iron pot a marmalado.
[LAUGHS.]
No.
[CHUCKLES.]
I rest my case.
Stunning you with his Portuguese marmalade, is he? I'm sure Mr.
P is right.
Some, uh, kidneys, Esme? Um Don't, Esme, love.
No one likes 'em, except Mr.
P.
I've cooked a million, and they're wrong'uns every time.
I disagree.
They're just right.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GROANING.]
What's that? - ALFRED: A maypole.
- What's it for? Wouldn't like to say, miss, to a lady.
Pretend I'm not a lady.
It's for sex orgies, miss.
You're kidding me.
Very set in their ways, these country people.
Hey, would you look at that? MARTHA: "The Darkness Tea Rooms.
" Hmm.
[BELL CLANGING.]
Morning, all.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Welcome.
Please take a seat.
What can I get you? Lovely little place you have here.
We like to think so, sir.
Odd name.
The Darkness Tea Rooms.
Dark-Ness.
It's my name.
Ah, of course.
We will have a pot of Darjeeling.
And, um, should we have crumpets? - Sure.
- Let's have crumpets.
Darjeeling and crumpets.
I bring up the name Mrs.
Dark-Ness, because there's a sad story goes with it.
We were supposed to meet a man this morning at Paddington Station.
Only when we met him, he'd been stabbed.
He died, right there in front of us.
And he only said one thing before he went.
"The darkness," he said.
"The darkness.
" Isn't that a strange coincidence? I'll get your tea.
Hmm.
Hmm.
That was very direct.
Best way usually, miss.
Please call me Martha.
I hate "miss.
" Yes, miss.
Martha it is.
Now what? Their move.
But so when the shit hits the fan, what should I do? Switch off the fan, I suppose.
Or stand behind something shit-proof.
I completed the U.
S.
Marine Corps Reserve Combat Training program at Fort Benning.
I can handle myself.
You leave the rough stuff to me if it occurs, which it might not.
Hopefully.
[RATTLING.]
[RATTLING.]
Thank you.
[EXHALES.]
Should we drink that? I mean, she could have put knockout drops in it or something.
Poison the tea? Never.
The Raven Society might be a bad lot, but they're not bloody Italians.
I expect her boss will find his boss, and then they'll send - a few gunmen to fetch us.
- A few? We only need one.
[SIGHS.]
Hmm.
So, you're getting married.
Who's the lucky woman? I'm not sure how lucky she is.
Sorry.
Is that a rude question? She doesn't know I'm mixed up with all this sort of carry-on.
So, you know.
Bring her up and I wobble.
I understand.
Esme.
The name's Esme.
- She's an actress.
An actor.
- Mm.
Have you got a picture? Yeah.
Hmm.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, she looks kind, gentle.
Yeah.
I don't deserve her.
I expect she feels the same way.
Vice versa, I mean.
Nah.
Women don't think like that, do they? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't we? Ah, a woman knows her worth.
I mean, they do.
You do, don't you? A man has to find out.
Wow.
You're a genuine old-fashioned sexist.
I'm not sure what a sexist is, miss.
But if they're what they sound like, I'm not one.
Strictly a one-woman man, I am.
- [SNORTS.]
- What? She's a lucky woman.
You've made me feel guilty now.
Ah.
This, uh, was a 50-place service in honor of His Grace Baron Rutland, on the occasion of his 60th birthday.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
It's a gorgeous table.
- Mm.
- It's formal and yet lyrical somehow.
Oh.
Thank you, Esme.
Yes, I was, um I was quite satisfied with that one.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ah.
Yes, this was a-a less formal table for the French ambassador.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
- Mr.
P, this might be frightfully boring for you, and you have to say no - if you'd prefer not to, but - Mm.
would you consider helping me to plan our wedding? It's just that I do so want a day to make Alfie proud.
And, to be honest with you, it's all quite daunting.
And you have such a gift.
[CHUCKLES.]
I-I'd be, um I'd be happy and honored to assist you, Esme.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Mother! Telephone! Right, I've got ears.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hello? Hello, Mum.
Can't chat.
- Is Esme there? - Oh, hello, love.
How are you? You sound ever so close.
Where are you? Did you take your mac? - 'Cause it looks like rain again.
- Mum.
All right.
Yes, sir, Mr.
Bossy Boots.
Right away.
On the job, he says.
Only got a minute.
No time to waste on his mum.
Hello, darling.
Hello, Ez.
Just checking in.
Thank you.
How's the job? Oh, you know.
The usual.
Everybody still friendly, I hope? Yeah, we're having a lovely time.
Your dad's just a big teddy bear, really, isn't he? A teddy bear? You in the right house? Oh, ha-ha.
Oh, oh, do you have a shade of white that you particularly like? A shade of white? No.
Yes, I'm going to the flat today to look at colors.
Oh, are you? All right.
That's good.
Colors are good.
Listen, I've got to go.
On the job.
When are you when are you back? Hard to tell.
Look, stay at Mum's.
Love you.
[SHOTGUN RACKS.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
Esme, do tell him when you've seen enough.
Mr.
P said he'd help us with the wedding plans.
Oh, did he? That's very nice, I'm sure.
Don't sulk! You can help, too! Crikey, I've upset her now, haven't I? Come on out of there, you! Don't use that tone of voice with me, thank you.
And I wasn't sulking.
I'm so sorry, Mother.
I should have asked you first, of course.
Will you help as well? Please? [CHUCKLING.]
[SNIFFLING.]
[BELL JINGLING.]
I feel like I've got her on my clothes and in my hair.
[PANTING.]
- Oh, Jesus.
- This way.
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
[JANGLING.]
[PANTING.]
It's okay.
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTING.]
[GROANING.]
Fuck off.
[GRUNTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [GROANS.]
Shit.
[PANTING.]
[ANIMALS BLEATING IN DISTANCE.]
[SNIFFLING, PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
You're all right.
A few stitches.
We'll find a doctor and we'll get you home.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [SNIFFLES, GROANS SOFTLY.]
- [PANTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Fuck! Hey, we're alive and walking about.
That's a result.
Mm, this whole operation's been a horrible failure.
[SNIFFLES.]
The League will likely throw me out.
- [PANTING.]
- In the real Army, you can fail as much as you like they'll never throw you out.
There'd be nobody left.
But that is the real Army.
The No-Name League is not just a pretend army.
It's not just soldiers who can fight.
[GROANS SOFTLY.]
Never mind fighting.
Can you walk? Of course I can.
You need to find yourself a doctor.
I saw a hospital near town.
I'll deal with this other mob.
[SNIFFLES.]
Now let's go.
[GRUNTS.]
Which way? - - [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Hello.
What seems to be the trouble? - My leg.
- Oh, yes.
Dear me.
I'll have to call the doctor.
If you'll come this way, please, minding the carpet.
[SNIFFLES.]
How do you do, young lady? - Frances Gaunt.
- Margo.
Margo Keen.
Ah.
So, what happened, Miss Keen? - [WATER RUNNING.]
- Well, I'm afraid I walked through a glass door.
A glass door? [CHUCKLES.]
: How bizarre.
Why would anyone have a glass door? Uh, well, it was more of a French window sort of thing.
French window.
For God's sake.
How absurd.
I want a door or I want a window, not a half-baked compromise.
[LAUGHS.]
Now let me see.
[EXHALES.]
- Is it bad? - No.
Not really.
Eight or nine stitches.
[WHIMPERS SOFTLY.]
Now, this is an anesthetic to dull the pain while I'm stitching.
You'll feel a not unpleasant wooziness.
[WHIMPERS SOFTLY.]
There we are.
Good girl.
Will there be a scar? A little one, maybe.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Adds character.
But I don't want a scar.
[EXHALES.]
My mom had a scar where she Scar Nurse Dawson! Fair cop.
I'm tired of running.
Hey.
Steady on! There's no need for that! You caught me! You're bloody heroes! [GROANS.]
Fuck's sake! Calm yourself! - [HANDCUFFS CLICKING.]
- [GROANING.]
[GRUNTING.]
You calm yourself.
- [GROANS.]
- That's for Mrs.
Darkness, you callous murdering bastard.
Yeah, I'm very sorry about her.
It was unfortunate.
[SNIFFLES.]
Now, listen, you need to take me to the guv'nor of your mob.
I have a message for him.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Here's a message.
[GROANS.]
You better stop that right now, mate.
- Fuck off.
Stop what? - [SNIFFLES.]
You fucking done an old woman for no fucking reason, you filth.
How about we go and shoot your mum in the face? Now, that's enough.
Or what? [SHOUTS.]
- For fuck's sake! - [GROANING.]
I'm trying to do business here, like we're professionals.
Do you understand me? Business.
Now stop fucking about and take me to your guv'nor.
Snared, eh? The ruthless hunter killer at bay.
We're gonna roast you alive on a bonfire, old chap.
Cheer up the troops? That sort of thing? Yes.
You have a message? You are Raven Society, aren't you? Not some other similar jackboot mob? There's a lot of you about these days.
We are the Raven Society, yes.
Then, yes, I have an important message for your guv'nor.
From the No-Name League.
Go on.
Are you the guv'nor, sir? For your purposes, yes.
Yeah, no.
I need to see the real guv'nor.
The real guv'nor doesn't see the likes of you.
Then the real guv'nor doesn't get the message.
Not being difficult, sir.
Just following orders.
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCKS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Don't stand up yet, my dear.
You'll be very dizzy.
Uh, what happened? You fainted.
Blood loss.
All's well.
Nine stitches and a small, charming scar.
You're jolly lucky it wasn't much worse.
French windows, you say? So stupid of me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um my clothes? In the laundry.
They were sordid.
Tea? Earl Grey or herbal? Yes, please.
Whatever you're having.
I'm having gin.
Herbal, then.
Well, what's the message? You're not the man in charge.
Yes, I am.
How would you know, anyway? I can see your shoes.
Third-in-command at best, sir.
I need to parley with your big chief, the leader.
What's his name again? I don't think you have a message for the leader.
I think you're just delaying the punishment that's coming to you.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Your call.
You're very confident for a dead man.
Only a fool wouldn't kick this ball upstairs.
[MARTHA AND GAUNT LAUGHING.]
So glad we crossed paths.
New faces are a rare treat out here.
One sees the same tedious characters again and again.
[CHUCKLES.]
I can imagine.
[CHUCKLES.]
I've dined at every house in the county.
I've seen false lintels.
Spiral stairs.
Bidets.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I've seen monstrous things.
But I've never seen a French window.
Where were you? That's funny.
Um I must I must be still woozy.
I forget the family's name.
I hadn't met them before.
Friends of friends.
Of course, you're still woozy.
You need iron.
Drink your tea.
Nurse Dawson! Uh, bring Tanya, would you? MARTHA: Um Do you think my clothes are dry by now? You won't be needing them.
No? No, you and another young man were sent here to find and assassinate the leader of the Raven Society.
I can't very well let you walk away.
Excuse me? You killed poor Mrs.
Darkness for no reason and injured several good people, and to cap it all, you came stumbling right to my door.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amazing.
What are you talking about? It's me you're looking for.
I'm the new leader of the Raven Society that you came here to kill.
Um [PANTING.]
I'm sorry, Doctor, but you've made a mistake.
That or, uh, you're mentally unwell.
I don't know, b-but I'm going.
Oh, don't exert yourself.
You'll faint.
Bring me my clothes! Your clothes have been burnt.
I didn't seek this honor.
No, but after poor Jimmy Harwood's sad end, none of the men would step up, so here I am, God help me.
Trying to save this wretched country from the likes of you.
- Me? - Soft-hearted, liberal idealist do-gooders.
I guess that is me.
I think you exaggerate my power.
I feel jolly tempted to let you go along your merry way.
But, alas, you killed one of our people.
And a woman in charge must not look soft.
I have to set a stern example.
My colleague knows I'm here.
What'll he do? Call the police? Launch an assault? [CHUCKLES.]
- What's your real name? - Does it matter? Of course it does.
Not to me.
To you.
But don't be alarmed or squeamish.
Do you know this woman? No, no, g-give her a proper look.
Do you know her? No, it's not a trick question.
We don't know her, either.
We call her Tanya because she looks Russian.
Oh, now, are you sure - you don't know her? - Yes.
Yeah, well, I ask everyone if they know her.
She was a brave young woman.
Tried to kill me, like you.
She wouldn't tell us anything.
Not even her name.
No matter what was done to her.
She deserves to be buried decently, by her own people.
So I keep her like this for now.
Don't you think your family would want to know what had happened to you? Your name.
My name is Martha.
Martha Kane.
- Pleasure to meet you, Martha.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Madam Leader, forgive the intrusion.
We caught the other spy.
He says he has a message from the No-Names, for your ears only.
[GRUNTS.]
MARTHA: Hello, Alfred.
Who's that? Do I know you? The jig's up.
They know my name.
They know everything.
Oh.
Okay.
That's not good.
You all right? [SCOFFS.]
Been better.
Good day to you, young man.
Alfred, is it? Who are you, now? Frances Gaunt.
Leader of the Raven Society.
Get out.
A woman? No wonder you're a secret.
Don't be an ass.
- Is she really the guv'nor? - Seems so.
Oh, well, then, excuse my impertinence, madam.
How did you get here? She's the doctor.
Ah.
Bollocks.
So, do you have a message for me? - What? - A message from the No-Name leadership.
Oh, yeah.
No.
I made that up.
No message.
- You bastard.
- [GRUNTS.]
Steady on.
Fair play, you wouldn't even have me here if I hadn't let myself get caught.
Now, why would you do that? I get paid a lot more money if we succeed.
Seemed worth the risk.
Now, Miss Martha, Fort Benning now.
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, e-excuse me, if it's all the same to you, would you mind doing that facing me? I like to see things clearly.
God blind me, what do you take me for? The bloody Hun? Well, you killed Mrs.
Darkness.
That was an accident.
I'm very sorry about that.
We were told to find out your name.
That's all.
We're not like you.
We don't kill and torture people.
My dear, despite your courage, you are a complete fool.
Yeah, anyway ticktock, job done.
Give us a car and a couple of bottles of beer, and we'll be off.
Today in Berlin, Reich Chancellor Braun signed a power-sharing agreement with the Dutch senate that will allow the Netherlands partial autonomy - within the German Reich.
- [SNORING.]
Chancellor Braun personally guarantees the pact.
In home news, teenage pop fans nationwide were stunned to learn that Cliff Richard and the Shadows are breaking up to pursue separate careers.
Her Majesty's Minister for Culture has not yet issued a state [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
I haven't counted it.
Well, if you can't trust loony underground radicals, who can you trust? Cheers.
Cheers.
- Mmm.
- [EXHALES.]
You enjoyed yourself today, didn't you? Well, mission accomplished, no broken bones, cash money that's enjoyable.
I mean you enjoyed being close to death.
Death? Give over.
We were close to Swindon.
That's bad enough.
Everything's funny to you.
It's a sort of compulsion, isn't it? I had a mate called Spanish.
He used to say life's either a comedy or a tragedy, and you have to choose one or the other.
I prefer having a laugh.
I'll drink to that.
Comedy.
You were very game today, if I may say so, Miss Martha.
- Very game.
- [LAUGHS.]
Your bosses will be making you a captain or something.
Hmm.
I doubt that.
The politics of it all are still quite murky to me.
Well, murky's not good.
Why are you mucking about with these people? It's a long story.
You've got a lot of long stories.
You have to believe in something.
- Do you? - Hmm.
- Not me.
- You like to say that.
You know it's not true.
Oh, you see right through me, can you? No.
You're quite mysterious.
Hmm.
You said something that stuck with me.
You said my father was lying.
You said all soldiers have nightmares.
"Lying" is the wrong word.
I'm sure your dad was an honest man.
[LAUGHS.]
He made pancakes with faces on them, dressed as a pirate at Halloween.
[LAUGHING.]
That kind of a dad.
Happy.
Mm-hmm.
And then he died in a car crash.
And he was an excellent driver.
In my experience, it's your excellent drivers are the ones that crash.
Overconfidence.
Anyway, I I'd better be going.
I'd, um You'd better be going.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[EXHALES.]
Well, it was a pleasure working with you, Miss Kane.
Best of luck subverting the state and all that.
Best of luck to you, too, Alfred.
[LAUGHTER AND INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
Hey, look at this.
Want a biscuit, yeah? Yeah? Call.
- [WHINES.]
- Oh, good boy, good boy.
Yeah, that's yeah, yeah, good.
["GOD SAVE THE QUEEN" PLAYING ON TV.]
[SNORING QUIETLY.]
ESME: Alfie, I got the sudden urge to choose paint.
I'll be back by 11:00 at the latest.
If you get back in time, come and help me.
Love you, Esme.
Your eyes The look Your heart - [KEYS JINGLING.]
- Can't disguise [DOOR UNLOCKING.]
The look Of love Is saying so much more Than just words could ever say And what my heart has heard Well, it takes my breath away I can hardly wait to hold you - [GASPS.]
- Feel my arms around you How long I have waited Waited just to love you - [CHOKING.]
- Now that I Have found you You've got the look Of love It's on your face A look Esme! Esme.
Ez.
[CRYING.]
[SOBBING.]
[SOBBING.]
: Ez.
No.