Pompidou (2015) s01e04 Episode Script
The Date
1 # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy doo Doo dooblee doo-doo # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy doo # Doo-doo pomp # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy Doo doo doo doo doo # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la Pompy dompy dompy doo! HE CLEARS THROA Crispus? Umno.
Siffel? No.
No, no, no.
Boffle? Ooh, no.
No.
Ponsa? Ooh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that.
Ooh, yes! No, no.
No, no, no.
Naughty.
Naughty! Very naughty.
Isn't that naughty? Very naughty.
Very naughty.
No.
HOVE CLEARS THROA Oh.
FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS FLY BUZZES Oh! Oh, no! FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS HE COMPLAINS ANGRILY Huh? Oof! CRACKING Oh.
POMPIDOU EXPLAINS Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah? Oh! Oof! Oh.
HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY Oh.
Hmm.
POMPIDOU EXPLAINS Yes? Yes.
Yes? Yes.
Ha-ha! Ooh! Ha! Ooh! Ha! Ooh! Ooh.
Oh.
Ooh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Ooh! Hoo-hoo! DISAPPOINTEDLY: Oh.
"Join our dating agency.
" Oh, no, no, no, no.
Hmm.
No, I don't Hmm.
HE DELIBERATES Oh! "Coconut and pineapple.
" Hove! Yes? HE SHOUTS INCOHERENTLY OK.
Ah.
Ooh! Good afternoon.
No.
SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY Hmm.
Good afternoon! No.
Good afternoon.
I'm Pompidou.
No.
Good afternoon.
No.
Now No, not Harry Gelliwell.
No.
Good afternoon.
No.
Ah.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Good afternoon.
No.
Ah.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES No.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Now, good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Good afternoon.
No.
Ooh! Ooh! Good afternoon.
No.
No, no.
Oh.
Um HE MUTTERS HE CLEARS THROA Yes.
Oh, no.
No.
Oh.
Ooh-la-la-la-la! Ooh-la-la! No.
No.
No.
HE LAUGHS No, no, no, no.
No.
HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY No.
HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY No, no.
Ooh, no, no! HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY Oh! HE CHUCKLES Hmm.
HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Hello! No.
No.
No! No.
No! No.
No.
Hmm! Um No.
No.
That it? Oh.
Oh, well.
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS No, no, no, no, no! HE GIBBERS QUESTIONINGLY HE ARGUES ANIMATEDLY Yes, yes, yes.
HE CLEARS THROA HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY Put that up, please.
FLY BUZZES POMPIDOU CHUCKLES Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! POMPIDOU CHUCKLES FLY BUZZES Ow! PHONE VIBRATES Ah.
Oh! Good afternoon.
Ah, yes.
HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY Pompidou.
Yes.
Yes.
HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY "No.
No.
Ooh, no!" HE SPEAKS ANIMATEDLY HE LAUGHS Have you ordered? Oh? HE MUTTERS Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Now, put that there.
Ooh, very nice.
HE HUMS WAITER CLEARS THROA HE SNIFFS Hmm.
That one, please.
HE CLEARS THROA Ma'am? HE CLEARS THROA Yes.
Do you know, I think I'll order the HE MUMBLES Yes, yes.
Some HE CONTINUES TO MUMBLE Some HE MUTTERS .
.
the chicken HE MUMBLES Three HE MUTTERS Oh, no.
No, not three.
Three's a bit Um, four.
Four of those.
Some HE MUMBLES .
.
and HE MUTTERS Right.
HE MUMBLES Some doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, some HE MUTTERS .
.
and a dorlit-doo.
And HE MUMBLES .
.
and some quorlit-doo-di-doo.
WAITER CLEARS THROA Well Montinou! Montinou.
WAITER MUMBLES Ooh! POMPIDOU MUMBLES, IMPRESSED WAITER MUMBLES POMPIDOU MUTTERS EXTRAVAGANTLY Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! HE MUTTERS Ooh! Ooh! HE MUMBLES Oh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Ooh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Oh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Oh.
You have a little bit there, a little bit there MUMBLED EXPLANATION Ah! HE MUTTERS HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Tiny, tiny, tiny.
Very tiny.
Very tiny.
Tiny.
Tiny.
Very tiny.
Tiny, tiny.
Very tiny.
Very tiny.
Very tiny.
I'm not sure.
HE MUMBLES HE MUTTERS Mmm.
No.
No.
No.
HE MUMBLES HE MUTTERS ENCOURAGINGLY Mmm? I don't know.
No, no.
HE MUTTERS No.
No, no.
They're allreally.
No.
HE MUMBLES A STORY I, I, I, I Yes, I did! HE MUMBLES THEATRICALLY SKULL MUTTERS No, no.
No.
No.
How did it do that? Oh! Oh! Oh! No, no, no.
HE MUMBLES HE MUMBLES TRIUMPHANTLY Yes! Yes! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! MUSIC: Billie Jean by Michael Jackson AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AND CHEERS Good afternoon.
HE COMPLAINS I'm so sorry.
HE MUTTERS ANGRILY Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny? Very tiny? HE MUMBLES, SATISFIED Ooh, no, no.
No.
No, no.
No.
Um Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
Mmm.
DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS TRIUMPHANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS SHE CLEARS THROA HE MUMBLES DREAMILY Mmm? Oh, me? Oh! Ooh, no, no.
HE MUMBLES INSISTENTLY HE CHUCKLES Uh HE WHISPERS MUMBLINGLY Oh! Oh, no! HE MUMBLES LOUDLY HE COMPLAINS Ooh.
Ah "Ooh.
Ah!" HE COMPLAINS LOUDLY HE MUMBLES Oh, that's all right, mate.
Yeah No, no HE MUMBLES APOLOGETICALLY HE CRIES That really hurt me.
POMPIDOU MUMBLES Night-night.
Good night.
# Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy Doo doo doo doo doo # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la Pompy dompy dompy doo!
Siffel? No.
No, no, no.
Boffle? Ooh, no.
No.
Ponsa? Ooh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that.
Ooh, yes! No, no.
No, no, no.
Naughty.
Naughty! Very naughty.
Isn't that naughty? Very naughty.
Very naughty.
No.
HOVE CLEARS THROA Oh.
FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS FLY BUZZES Oh! Oh, no! FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS HE COMPLAINS ANGRILY Huh? Oof! CRACKING Oh.
POMPIDOU EXPLAINS Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah? Oh! Oof! Oh.
HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY Oh.
Hmm.
POMPIDOU EXPLAINS Yes? Yes.
Yes? Yes.
Ha-ha! Ooh! Ha! Ooh! Ha! Ooh! Ooh.
Oh.
Ooh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Ooh! Hoo-hoo! DISAPPOINTEDLY: Oh.
"Join our dating agency.
" Oh, no, no, no, no.
Hmm.
No, I don't Hmm.
HE DELIBERATES Oh! "Coconut and pineapple.
" Hove! Yes? HE SHOUTS INCOHERENTLY OK.
Ah.
Ooh! Good afternoon.
No.
SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY Hmm.
Good afternoon! No.
Good afternoon.
I'm Pompidou.
No.
Good afternoon.
No.
Now No, not Harry Gelliwell.
No.
Good afternoon.
No.
Ah.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Good afternoon.
No.
Ah.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES No.
Good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Now, good afternoon.
HE MUMBLES Good afternoon.
No.
Ooh! Ooh! Good afternoon.
No.
No, no.
Oh.
Um HE MUTTERS HE CLEARS THROA Yes.
Oh, no.
No.
Oh.
Ooh-la-la-la-la! Ooh-la-la! No.
No.
No.
HE LAUGHS No, no, no, no.
No.
HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY No.
HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY No, no.
Ooh, no, no! HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY Oh! HE CHUCKLES Hmm.
HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Hello! No.
No.
No! No.
No! No.
No.
Hmm! Um No.
No.
That it? Oh.
Oh, well.
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES FLY BUZZES BUZZING STOPS No, no, no, no, no! HE GIBBERS QUESTIONINGLY HE ARGUES ANIMATEDLY Yes, yes, yes.
HE CLEARS THROA HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY Put that up, please.
FLY BUZZES POMPIDOU CHUCKLES Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! POMPIDOU CHUCKLES FLY BUZZES Ow! PHONE VIBRATES Ah.
Oh! Good afternoon.
Ah, yes.
HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY Pompidou.
Yes.
Yes.
HE SPEAKS INCOHERENTLY "No.
No.
Ooh, no!" HE SPEAKS ANIMATEDLY HE LAUGHS Have you ordered? Oh? HE MUTTERS Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Now, put that there.
Ooh, very nice.
HE HUMS WAITER CLEARS THROA HE SNIFFS Hmm.
That one, please.
HE CLEARS THROA Ma'am? HE CLEARS THROA Yes.
Do you know, I think I'll order the HE MUMBLES Yes, yes.
Some HE CONTINUES TO MUMBLE Some HE MUTTERS .
.
the chicken HE MUMBLES Three HE MUTTERS Oh, no.
No, not three.
Three's a bit Um, four.
Four of those.
Some HE MUMBLES .
.
and HE MUTTERS Right.
HE MUMBLES Some doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, some HE MUTTERS .
.
and a dorlit-doo.
And HE MUMBLES .
.
and some quorlit-doo-di-doo.
WAITER CLEARS THROA Well Montinou! Montinou.
WAITER MUMBLES Ooh! POMPIDOU MUMBLES, IMPRESSED WAITER MUMBLES POMPIDOU MUTTERS EXTRAVAGANTLY Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! HE MUTTERS Ooh! Ooh! HE MUMBLES Oh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Ooh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Oh! HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Oh.
You have a little bit there, a little bit there MUMBLED EXPLANATION Ah! HE MUTTERS HE MUMBLES QUIZZICALLY Tiny, tiny, tiny.
Very tiny.
Very tiny.
Tiny.
Tiny.
Very tiny.
Tiny, tiny.
Very tiny.
Very tiny.
Very tiny.
I'm not sure.
HE MUMBLES HE MUTTERS Mmm.
No.
No.
No.
HE MUMBLES HE MUTTERS ENCOURAGINGLY Mmm? I don't know.
No, no.
HE MUTTERS No.
No, no.
They're allreally.
No.
HE MUMBLES A STORY I, I, I, I Yes, I did! HE MUMBLES THEATRICALLY SKULL MUTTERS No, no.
No.
No.
How did it do that? Oh! Oh! Oh! No, no, no.
HE MUMBLES HE MUMBLES TRIUMPHANTLY Yes! Yes! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! MUSIC: Billie Jean by Michael Jackson AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AND CHEERS Good afternoon.
HE COMPLAINS I'm so sorry.
HE MUTTERS ANGRILY Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny? Very tiny? HE MUMBLES, SATISFIED Ooh, no, no.
No.
No, no.
No.
Um Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
Mmm.
DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS TRIUMPHANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS SHE CLEARS THROA HE MUMBLES DREAMILY Mmm? Oh, me? Oh! Ooh, no, no.
HE MUMBLES INSISTENTLY HE CHUCKLES Uh HE WHISPERS MUMBLINGLY Oh! Oh, no! HE MUMBLES LOUDLY HE COMPLAINS Ooh.
Ah "Ooh.
Ah!" HE COMPLAINS LOUDLY HE MUMBLES Oh, that's all right, mate.
Yeah No, no HE MUMBLES APOLOGETICALLY HE CRIES That really hurt me.
POMPIDOU MUMBLES Night-night.
Good night.
# Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy Doo doo doo doo doo # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la Pompy dompy dompy doo!