Random Acts of Flyness (2018) s01e04 Episode Script

Then you can
tell us what happened.
-Mm-hmm.
Man: The magic shack,
it's beautiful,
it's already there.
-Man: Yes, it's
already there.
Man 2:
Yeah. Yeah.
-Hey, girl!
What's up?
Hey, you want this drink?
Get it. Get it. Get it.
Get it. Get it.
For real?
Tell me do you hear
the sound apocalypse? ♪
Get behind me, Satan!
Shoot.
Man, these niggas
in here are weak.
Let's go to VIP.
Bumpin' knowledge
Glenn Rice in da booth ♪
Man:
What's happening?
Najja:
No, not this nigga again.
Najja:
Eww, nasty!
How many uncles
he got up in there?
Look out!
Get out of here!
I told you before!
Slow strokin' that pussy
freakin' a la mode ♪
And I always rep my city,
I'm a basic hoe ♪
Najja:
Not this bitch again.
Oh, there she goes,
sucking my energy.
-Wow! Okay.
-Nice move.
Nuh-uh-uh.
Girl, don't waste
your energy.
She'll die trying.
See? I told you.
Najja:
Our arch nemesis.
Sun, son, told by pops,
I'm no one, won ♪
Come on, ladies!
Wait! I have a plan!
-Here we go.
-Okay, girl!
You go, girl!
Man:
Johnson!
You kidding me, honey?
Every tear helps.
Now, you got
any bruises, any cuts?
You got to breathe heavy.
Breathe hard.
More, more, more.
Lawyer:
That's good, that's good.
Yeah, no, I'm out.
Man:
Johnson!
Aisha:
Yo!
What's up?
What you doing here?
Oh, you know.
Hashtag
me-motherfucking-too!
Really?
Oh, fuck no.
I was about to say.
Man, Stacey
dragged me down here
to tell these fucking devils
about my personal business
with Mercedes.
Talkin' 'bout it's affecting
our ability to be intimate,
and the statute of limitations
is seven years or some--
Wait.
Shawn's auntie
Mercedes?
Yeah.
For real?
That bitch was literally,
like, 78 years old.
No. No.
She ain't all that--
And when
she was watching us,
you were, like, 11.
No, no, no.
It ain't even like that.
How else am I gonna learn?
That's No.
I'm glad.
-Oh, I'm so--
-That was before the whole,
"Netflix and chill" movement.
Smooth, right?
Yeah
Um, I--
Anyway, I ain't no snitch
so, you know, I--
Stacey:
What did I tell you
about wandering off?
Officer Pearson :
Aisha Freeman.
Aisha Freeman.
Aisha Freeman!
You, I'm gonna need you
to turn in your pussy.
Pearson:
Let's go.
Gonna need
to check this pussy
for any signs of infection,
insemination or forced entry.
As is stated in
the instruction manual,
on the first page,
"When imperiled,
hit the quick release
and run."
The what?
The quick release.
Did you do that?
I
That's what it's there for.
Have a seat.
Now, we're gonna
have to run this
claim for damages.
-Yeah.
All claims go through
the manufacturer.
We can only, you know,
run the damage kit
if, you know,
we're reimbursed for the claim.
So I need you to fill out
these papers.
Don't touch the pussy.
Please.
Those are not
your pussies.
Now, I need you
to fill this out.
First, put
your initials here,
which just says
that I've given you
all the information you need
to make this claim.
Now, I need you
to sign here.
Make sure you sign
here and here
-Just filling that out
I've made you aware
of everything you need
to know about
Verifies that
this is, indeed,
your pussy.
And there
it just says that, huh,
you came here in person
and brought that pussy
with you.
And it didn't appear
through the clouds.
You know what I mean?
Oh, and pay attention
to, uh, Question 437,
in regards to the required
victim prevention training.
Thank you.
Okay.
All right.
The pussy?
Oh.
Wow.
This is a doozy.
♪
Man:
My understanding is
This is your patience
♪
Nana:
You're gonna be
all right, honey.
Yeah.
:
Take it easy.
All right. Mm-hmm.
There you go.
Why ain't
y'all helpin'?
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Now, when
you get in there
they're gonna insist
that you repeat
what you came to say
over and over again,
as if you ain't worn down
by the wait alone.
Detective:
Freeman!
Freeman.
-Mm-hmm.
I mean,
I know who did it.
I know who it is,
Detective, I just wanted
to report it, because--
Detective:
You need to tell us
what happened.
Which one of them did it?
You just point him out.
So I can know, now, who
I gotta put my hands on.
Welcome.
This week's program
will make you sorry
that you ever even
had a thought
in that hormone-filled
brain of yours
to lift a finger--
We have an
understanding that ♪
That means much more ♪
Means much more ♪
But I don't have to worry
where we go ♪
'Cause I know that
he'll be coming home ♪
You better
give up, give up ♪
Or you'll never win ♪
You better
give up, give up ♪
Hanging on to him ♪
-Mm-mm-mm!
-Ooh!
Yeah!
-Ooh!
-I know that's right!
Aunties:
Oh!
-Yeah!
-Girl!
(children
cheering)
I see magic
in your eyes ♪
When he walks by ♪
(slow electronic
music playing)
What time do it
come on now?
You got
that 65
No, not yet.
You move?
Hell yeah,
I moved.
Got me one of them
new rooms
they got over there at,
uh, Steve Harvey Suit.
Men:
Oh!
Auntie:
Uh-uh. Move back,
move back!
Back up!
For real?
The food is not
ready yet!
Y'all just gonna have to wait!
♪
What? Uh-uh!
Who brought this jar
of mess over here?
And you!
-It's really sad!
-That's some bullshit!
That's some bullshit!
Chorus:
Want a really tasty snack ♪
That has no ash
and that's a fact ♪
Dip it in Kardashionnaise ♪
And your food
will taste like fame ♪
It goes on skin,
it goes on hair ♪
Even veggies everywhere ♪
Plus the taste is great
you will agree ♪
When you cook your bae
and eat his feet ♪
Barbecue his meat just so ♪
He's tender to the touch,
you know ♪
His flesh will peel
right off the bone ♪
-And taste great
with Kardashionnaise ♪
Yeah!
Hey!
-Clorinda,
come on, now.
Out here,
snatch, snatch, snatch.
Can't even dream!
Snatch, snatch, snatch!
That's wasteful.
-God don't like waste.
Hey, and you know
what I was thinking?
Announcer:
Snatch-itis does not
have to ruin your life.
Snatch Away
does all the work
of pruning his
far-flung fantasies,
so you don't have to.
Rest that wrist
and save that energy,
so you can focus on
what's most important:
living your beautiful,
best black life.
Baby, they need you
more than you need them.
♪
Don't bother calling ♪
I'll call you ♪
Don't bother asking ♪
I'll call you ♪
Ooh ♪
I'm not somebody ♪
Somebody would savor us ♪
You need a solid ♪
But I'm made of liquid ♪
Trust in me ♪
Tune in tonight,
right after the game
for a once-in-a-lifetime
television event.
And I'll call you ♪
When I feel finally free ♪
Terence:
As the rent rises
on your coastal
metropolis of choice,
there is, of course,
Worry Number 22.
Which is the commune
we all say we want
but between all
40,000 of us,
don't have the money
to make a down payment on.
Man, another day.
:
Jerry, clean up aisle six.
♪
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. Hmm.
:
The lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
Please God!
The lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want
Come on.
What? Oh, man! Come on.
Some bullshit.
These motherfuckers.
Man :
Can I get a price check
on Kardashionnaise?
Bruh, hold up.
Did you see that?
Yeah, yo.
Rahtidcup, man.
I'm tryin' to tell
you, blood,
they out here playin'
mind games on us, man.
Don't reach for me
and then choose
some other shit.
I know you saw
me smilin'!
Yeah, I seen.
But the kale is fresh,
though, and
And what?
And on sale.
Man, fuck that kale!
We been out here all week
and no love.
Bruh, they do not
water us anymore.
Just look at you, man.
Me
Bruh, you lookin'
sick, man.
Sick?
Listen, me brudda.
Me no say
it no sink in yet,
say all beets,
them not red.
But, brethren,
some of us
we stay so, naturally.
Oh man, you right, man.
I just-- you know,
I get worked up, man.
And I didn't mean
to judge you,
I was just, you know,
sayin' that, you know,
-us vegetables, we really
gotta stick
Oh! Oh, God!
-What-- where--
where you takin' me?
Wait. Where we--
where we going?
-Oh, shit.
-Come on now, man.
Help! Help!
Somebody help!
-Help!
-Help! Help!
Yo, what a bloodclaat
injustice, man!
What kinda disrespect?
-The level of
disrespect is just
Fuck that new guy.
Parsnip,
I'm coming for your ass.
Fuck that broccoli rabe.
And fuck that Broccolini.
Fuck that purple cauliflower.
That shit ain't real.
And fuck them brussel sprouts,
all wannabe cabbage-looking ass.
And you know what?
Fuck that motherfucking
bok choy.
And fuck that motherfucking
baby bok choy.
Nobody give a damn
that you a baby.
♪
How did we find ourselves
in this position? ♪
♪
Should we go inside?
Nah, we good
right here, man.
So where you tryin'
to go, boss man?
Uh, I don't know.
Uh, maybe the
Upper West Side?
Or or the Village?
Or how 'bout, ooh,
Whole Foods?
-Whole Foods would be nice.
Good luck with that, boss.
♪
♪
I'm Landcruisin' ♪
Brolic:
Mm-mm!
-Comin' to get you ♪
These Babylon prices!
-Oh!
Yeah.
Gonna get you ♪
Yeah.
Wrap myself up ♪
Wrap myself up,
wrap myself up ♪
Right there on
the 40-yard line!
Ooh, yeah, buddy!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!
Ren:
Numbers!
She reneged, she reneged.
She reneged!
Terence:
You are right pushing me.
Are you jealous?
Oh, you're jealous.
Najja:
Yeah.
Baby, don't worry about it.
No.
-Absolutely not. No.
-Whatchu gonna do
with that mouth?
Nah, all right, go.
-Yeah!
-I'm cool.
It's just drinks.
It's not romantic.
-Okay, you said that.
-I haven't seen her
since high school.
-Okay, fine.
-Her mother just died.
-All right.
-Nah, I'm just fuckin'
with you. She's alive.
-You're--
-She's alive--
You're fine, though.
Yeah, I'm good.
I love you.
This ninja left his keys.
All right.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
You, sock, do not
bring me joy.
-Terence.
Hello!
♪
♪
♪
What am I doing?
You're fine.
He loves you.
Matter of fact,
you don't need him.
You good-looking with braids,
your pussy smell fantastic,
not to essentialize,
but it's important.
We live in a
mono-normative society,
but you do not have
to drink that Kool-Aid.
Couple privilege is
a vestige of patriarchy
that hasn't been
completely challenged,
so it's totally normal
to feel like his attention
is essential in
determining your self-worth.
But you are you.
You are you.
Not "we" not "he."
You are you.
-And you--
No, no, no, no.
Message to A-Team.
Is it terrible to go through
Terence's texts? Send.
What's the A-
talkin' 'bout?
Here.
D says
Xavier/D:
"Girl."
Amber says
Xavier/Amber:
"Girl, you know
the answer to that."
Tandy says
Xavier/Tandy:
"Not worth it."
-Margeaux says
Xavier/Margeaux:
"No."
She used the
"finger pointing up" emoji
'cause she agrees
with Tandy.
Xavier/Margeaux:
"Which is why you asked
instead of just doing it."
-Ah, scroll up.
♪
-No! No!
You are not allowed to laugh
at my pain. Not yet.
We've all been there.
D adds
"What are you looking for?
Whatever it is,
you're not gonna
find it in there."
D continues,
"Are you asking
if it's okay to look
"if the texts are
out in the open,
"or if it's okay
to actively snoop?
-Different question."
:
Girl.
Are you hearing
shit in the house
when he's not around?
-Najja: I mean, I--
-Trying to purge
the smell of his clothes.
trying to sniff out the
next bitch that don't exist.
I'm good now, though.
Ashley:
Girl!
You gots a "haint."
-"Haint."
Demon, shade.
A thing that go boom,
bap-bap-brr-kah-kah-kah!
A restless spirit.
What you need to do
is call this number
and ask for Pastor D.
It's okay.
-Girl: Auntie!
-Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Ooh, ooh,
good day at school?
-Yes.
-Good. You ready
for the dishes?
-'Cause they're ready for you.
Shine through ♪
'Cause you can
never lose a thing if-- ♪
Ripa:
You ever say no
to me again in this life
Hold this.
-We're not even in--
-Hold this!
-Look up!
Feel me shakin'
like I owe them something ♪
A grown woman
I will sacrifice myself,
but they ain't ♪
Don't be silly.
Motherfucker, you do not--
-No! No! Go!
(xylophone playing
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star")
♪
Ripa The Reaper:
This is where
your story ends ♪
(xylophone playing
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star")
Take my hand,
walk through the door ♪
And you'll live
in this world no more ♪
Newswoman:
And now, The Apology.
I'm sorry.
I admit I did it.
I take full responsibility.
I was 19.
I didn't understand fully
what "consent" meant.
You know girls back then,
they-- they were
very adamant
about the fact that
you had to persist
in a certain type of--
I assaulted you.
That's the word.
I persisted because
I thought my pleasure
was more important
than your safety.
I just hope
you hear my apology.
Hear what it is
that I'm, um
You know, after, I, um
I spoke with TuTu,
and told her what
I'd done, and she said,
she just brushed it off,
and she was like
"All arranged marriages
go through a phase.
It's just sex."
Man:
Girls.
Harold: I felt like
even less of a
for thinking about it.
To my fathers
and brothers,
I say to you,
it's not just me.
I am a mirror
of this community.
I hold the promise
to this community.
I understand
that I hurt you.
I understand that I can be
a perpetrator of violence
-and a victim of it
at the same time.
And I'm not apologizing
to clear my name.
I don't care about that.
care about that.
-I'm doing this for the boys
-Man: Me.
who are being taught to be
men who might see this,
so that they can
understand that
that what I did was wrong.
Man: I assaulted you.
I'm gonna
go away for some time.
But understand that
I'll be doing the work.
I sincerely apologize
for my actions.
I will never do this again.
I know it's gotta
be one of 'em.
Who brought the crudites?
They look real good.
He, at least,
has got to apologize!
Aisha:
I don't need
an apology, Nana!
I don't even want
this to be a thing
that I have to
talk about either.
This is why I didn't want
to go to the damn station
in the first place.
-We won't worry about that.
-I don't want anybody
knowing about this.
Nana:
Nobody's gonna
know anything!
Yes, they are.
You know they are.
-Nana, please.
I don't want-- I don't want
everybody talking
'bout my business.
-I don't want--
-We don't have to talk
about it. Just tell me.
Please, please.
Which one is it?
-Nana. Nana, please.
Nana!
Aisha:
I don't wanna say anything.
Nana:
Okay.
You don't have
to say anything.
Aisha:
Nana. Nana, stop!
(FUNKY ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
NUOTAMA FRANCES BODOMO:
I think that my work does center
blackness and black people,
and you know, especially black,
you know, femmes.
However, I'm happy--
when even people within
a similar identity, let's say,
have vastly different
experiences from it.
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to Everybody Dies!
BODOMO: A lot of my work
is trying to find
the core of, let's say,
our emotional worlds
that we don't necessarily
have language for
RIPA THE REAPER:
If you know
That you will die ♪
BODOMO: Into a space
where it can be looked at.
'Cause what does it mean
to be a man?
Like, somebody please tell me.
BODOMO: And then explored
as each viewer sees fit.
If it were the 60s, the 70s,
now, it's like this has been
going on.
I like to make movies
around these, like,
knotted, complex questions
that require
every process at the stage
of filmmaking to answer.
And then, maybe when it's done,
you don't have an answer
but you're that much more wise.