Rap Sh!t (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Look at all this money
my pussy done made.
Pussy talk Birkins and APs, bitch.
Ay, y'all, we had a good month, aight?
Order whatever y'all want!
Reward is a part of the process, baby!
We gettin' larges around here.
I wanna supersize everything!
Hi, welcome to Snappers.
Would you like to try
our $4 chicken gizzards?
Y'all know I try
to eat right and keep it tight
'cause a salad a week
keeps a bitch at her peak!
That ain't no salad. That's soup.
Cheat meal! It's
only gluttony if you feel guilty.
- Enjoy your salad, Dej.
- Ay, y'all still ain't seen
- that bitch-ass nigga around here?
- Mm-mmm.
No. I'm sorry.
That nigga caught me slippin'.
You should be.
What Deja, would you shut up?
Always ruining my videos!
Girl, just mute it
and put a song on top.
It ain't that fucking serious.
MIA: (ON PHONE, RAPPING)
And I know you heard of E-block ♪
Got me repping D-block ♪
See, all this shit some fire, ain't it?
That shit go hard.
Now see, that's that shit
I could see y'all
on "106 & Park" with.
Oh, come on, man.
Not "106 & Park."
They done canceled that, too?
I didn't wanna say nothing, but
Yeah, I'm excited.
My friend's supposed to
introduce us to this producer.
- He's supposed to know everybody.
- I'm proud of you, Mia.
You gonna pick up where I
left off, continue the legacy.
You E-Block's daughter, you hear me?
Thank you, Daddy.
- I wish you could be here though.
- Yeah.
Well, I might be out by the time
y'all drop your next record.
- Oh!
- I just talked to my lawyer,
and he said he might be able
to get us another hearing.
Okay, so what's the next step?
Say a prayer.
Is everything else cool?
You stayin' out of trouble?
What that supposed to mean?
Uh ♪
Whoa, it's interesting ♪
Man's brave online,
eye-to-eye, they be pressing ♪
Girl, I said we was
wearing little black dresses.
Why you got on them pantyhose?
Girl, it's too fucking
humid for this shit.
I didn't have time to shave
my legs. This was last minute.
You look like a fucking pallbearer.
I mean, I wore this to
my grandma's funeral, but
I-I didn't carry the coffin though.
Titties! What's up!
Thank you for inviting us!
- What's up?
- Shawna, say hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Shawna.
Girl, who we gonna meet again?
Sam Sneaky?
- No, his name is Sam Sneak.
- Me and Sam go way back.
One of my OG hoes used
to moisturize his dreads
about five, six years ago.
We been like family ever since.
A cosign from Sam could take
y'all's song to the next level.
We startin' like the next
Slip-N-Slide Records.
- Yes!
- Well, I did bring these,
just in case we run into
some very important people!
- Oh, they cute. They cute.
- Ah! Load it up!
Yeah, we about to slide. Y'all ready?
Period!
Pop it like a willy,
hop on top, and I go silly ♪
Pretty tight and sticky ♪
Fuck him once, he won't forgive me ♪
I just heard
the new song. What the fuck, Shawna?
Why you doubling down
on this industry shit?
Thought you were better than this.
Girl! Why you keep playing
that shit over and over?
I feel bad. Like, I know
he feels blindsided by all this.
So, go to New York and fuck
him like you supposed to.
He ain't gonna care what you rap about.
- This is the spot.
- Yes. And it go crazy.
But look
Y'all stay right here.
I'll be right back.
Ah! Hey, turn up,
you foot-dragging bitches!
Your official camera
girl is here! Period!
Period!
Wow! You guys are here!
I haven't seen you in so long
Shenellica, Aleesia,
you guys look really good.
- Thank you!
- We know.
Y'all remember Shawna, from high school?
Oh. It's okay if you don't
remember me? I was
I do.
- Nah, but nice to meet you.
- We're friends! That's all!
Get in there, Shawna!
Get in there! Get in there.
Girl, come on! Let's go! Let's go.
If you turn it this way,
you can get everyone in it.
I'm not seeing your name on the list.
Y'all should be paying us
to get in. There's five women.
That's right!
Yeah, well, we ain't
selling no more tickets.
We at capacity. So, that means
y'all gonna have to wait
in line like everybody else.
Hey, get them some waters for me.
- Hey, y'all gotta stay hydrated.
- It's hot.
- You want one?
- No, I'm good.
Nah, I'm good.
I know I should've stayed home.
Chastity, Sam is here already, right?
You know what? I'm about to text my man
to see if he can get us in somewhere
'cause y'all trying to give
me a yeast infection
with this hot-ass dress on.
Nelly, can I borrow
your purse to sit on it?
I would ask for Mia's,
but it's too small.
- Come on, girl.
- This Chanel, boo. Sit on that.
Okay! I didn't know Chanel
made bags for mice.
That's so nice of them. It's cute.
Lemme get my Fenty
out before you break my shit.
Chastity, why don't you
just text Sam to get us in?
He ain't responding, but look,
y'all chill here for a second,
- I'ma go make some calls. I got you.
- Okay.
What does she think she's doing for us?
Does she think she's managing us?
I mean, she want to help us.
I mean, I ain't make no promises.
It ain't like we don't need no help.
I know she don't know this nigga Sam.
We're gonna be here all day.
She does this shit at
the Plymouth all the time.
Well, I guess we gonna see then.
- Okay, I guess we gonna see then.
- Ayo, where y'all from?
Uh-uh. You know what? Ay, ay, ay!
I can't stand broke niggas
breathing around me.
These niggas looking
like the number 10
How you gonna step over my purse?!
Look at her standing in line for us!
I got a call, y'all. I gotta take it.
Your friend will be alright!
Where you been?!
I know you don't think I'm finna
just be sitting by the phone.
It's the weekend.
Where Melissa?
Um
She might be playing with
the dog. Melissa, come here!
She's somewhere,
- She's somewhere.
- Oh, I talked to my daddy.
- He said something about a new trial.
- Mia!
For the last time, girl,
he shot somebody.
He ain't gettin' out!
Me and you both know that.
You gotta stop letting
your daddy get your hopes up.
You're grown now, Mia.
He done let me down enough
for the both of us.
So, don't even worry about it.
Let me show you something.
Look, look, look, look, look.
You see that right there?
I will fuck around
and find you a new daddy.
You like that one?
Are you still recording?
So, what you been up to, Shawna?
We ain't seen you in a long time, girl.
- Just been working.
- What do you do?
- You got, like, nonprofit vibes.
- Yeah.
Um, I work at the Plymouth Hotel.
But I'm, like, really focused
on rapping right now, so
Yeah, yeah, with Mia.
You still trying to
steal our friend from us?
What? No!
No, I would never do that.
Ooh, why you ain't
wear your li'l afro wig
that you be wearing in your videos.
That would definitely
set them tights off.
Hey.
What's up? Are you okay?
I'm good.
Something happened on the phone call?
I'm good.
Okay. I just
wanted to make sure you're okay.
I love you, girl. I love you.
Come on, we good! Hey, let's go!
Come on, we good!
Finally, bitch.
Lookin' like I still do fraud ♪
Flyin' private jet with the rod ♪
This that Z shit, this that Z shit ♪
- I coulda told you that.
- Later. Thank you.
I could've told you No,
you know what? I did tell you
- this was gonna happen.
- Just a miscommunication, yo.
Sam text me. He sent his apologies, man.
It's all good. We finna
pull up to the next spot,
and I heard it was way more lit anyway!
Aight?
Should we do it now then?
- Hell, yeah, bitch! I've been waiting!
- Ah!
I got some for you.
- Oh, yeah! Ta-da!
- Bam!
Oh, Mia be acting scared! Just try it!
This is the perfect time
for you to turn up, bitch.
You out, promoting your new single
Y'all got enough for Shawna?
- I mean, if she wants to.
- It's, like, one,
two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
Enough for a party.
Fuck it. Nothing else is going on.
- Yeah!
- Come on, first lady.
Just tap in. Tap. Cheers.
If you ready to party,
let me hear you say Nelly!
And everybody on
they motherfuckin' phones.
Oh, hell no. Y'all hoes boring.
We supposed to be turning up.
We waiting on
the drugs to hit, uh-uh ♪
Waiting on the drugs to hit, uh-uh ♪
We waiting on the drugs
to hit, ay-ay ♪
We waiting on the drugs
to hit, ay-ay ♪
Waiting on the drugs to hit ♪
Waiting on the drugs to hit, ah-ah! ♪
Waiting on the drugs to hit ♪
Hey, y'all go low, I'ma go high!
(FALSETTO): Waiting
on the drugs to hit ♪
Hey, Mia, where Melissa at?
- She with my mom.
- Shit.
Surprised you found somebody
to watch her all day.
- Where your kids at?
- In Peron,
with Lantrell and his girlfriend.
Mm. He be having her around the kid?
Yes, hoe! I love Tonya!
She be doing they hair. Oh!
She got some wings that she make
with some special Asian hot sauce
Fuck. Got you, nigga.
Hey, that's that
motherfucker that robbed me!
I've got fuckin' bodywash on me, bitch!
I ain't never
been on this side of a pursuit!
Oh my god.
- Hey, where we going?
- I gotta handle some business.
I cannot go to jail tonight.
I'm supposed to meet my nigga.
Bitch, come get it back
in blood, we ain't mad ♪
Yeah! This is nuts!
Y'all hot?
- I'm hot.
- No, but my mouth is dry as fuck.
Chastity gay, so I know there's
a Gatorade up in here somewhere.
Oh, my cousin got killed over here.
Yeah, I know exactly where we at.
Hey, get in the driver's seat for me.
Here. In case you need it.
Where is James St. Patrick going?
Is that a gun?!
Shh! Damn, lower your
voice! You calling attention to us!
Hoo!
I think the molly's hitting me.
Am I being loud? Am I being loud?!
Oh, that is too damn much, girl.
You looking like a disco ball.
What sport is that?
At least do the other side!
- Whoo!
- Yeah.
Fuck. I really gotta pee.
I'm not getting another UTI.
Ah! Ah! Ah! We got a runner!
Fuck Shawna going?
She's a runner, she's a track star ♪
She gonna run away when I get high ♪
And, um
Oh my god. Look at this sexy-ass tree!
Thick-ass tree. Hoo.
Daddy-ass tree.
Cliff!
I'm in the projects,
and I'm all alone right now.
Who knows what could happen to me?
Can you maybe find some
time to call me back?
And
If you need help finding me,
just look for the tree.
The sexy one. The sexy tree.
Okay.
Oh my god, what is that?!
What you think Chastity in there doing?
I don't know what she involved in,
but I ain't finna keep sittin'
here, waitin' to find out.
Oh shit! Shawna! That's Shawna!
Mia, where you going?
Mia, she dead, girl!
Don't be risking your life for Shawna!
That bitch ain't worth it!
Don't be a dumb hoe!
Mia, look!
Mia girl, he scared me,
too, but he's harmless.
I mean, you not harmless.
You could probably
Bitch, I almost blew your
motherfucking head off!
Oh my god!
- Get yo ass back in the car!
- You scaring me and the dog, bro!
Hey, nigga, what the fuck
you think you doing?!
Damn, get yo bitch ass outta here, dog!
Damn! Y'all just gonna let
this nigga steal my rims
and not do shit?! Nigga got
my car on the jack and shit!
The fuck!
And this weak-ass chain!
Bum-ass nigga, man!
You good?
Ay, this shit ain't cool. You
wanna be gangsta, that's fine,
but don't be involving us
in your bullshit.
That's your situation.
You right.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Sam just hit me, so we good.
Shawna, what the fuck?
Is that a dog in my car?
- He was lonely.
- Stop projecting on that damn dog.
Shawna, let that nigga out!
Your big goofy ass would
be the one to get a dog!
Sorry!
I've been gettin' it since a toddler ♪
I keep dollars on my head ♪
Being a real one is my model ♪
Handle my problems, I ain't scared ♪
What's up, brother?
Set you up with a little somethin',
but y'all gotta buy
three bottles. Minimum.
Goddamn! Ay, man, you
sure you seen Sneaky here?
Like, you seen that nigga
with your own two eyes?
Aight.
Here you are.
Hey, man, y'all stay recording.
Y'all know I wasn't finna
have y'all in line
after that bullshit from
earlier. We good, aight?
And we got a table.
That was just a little mix-up!
Hey, man, don't do that.
Don't count my money.
Laugh to the bank, I'm like, "Haha" ♪
Dada, what she sayin'?
I hear, "Blah blah" ♪
Water, rocks on me like I'm Ty Ty ♪
Baba, sippin' lean like it's aqua ♪
Pop a Percocet before
you chop a chopper ♪
Yo, anybody got service?
I need to tell my man I'm here.
Servin' patients, I'ma trapper ♪
Oh shit, it don't even ring.
- Um Uh-uh-uh
- A'right, ladies, this is your table.
Of course Chastity got
us at this Fisher Price-ass table.
Whole thing smell like bleach.
Shit. All the fine-ass niggas
in VIP gotta pass us if they wanna pee.
What's the password, nigga?
Ay, look, y'all stay right here.
I'm finna go link with Sam,
- let him know where we at.
- This is Section 8.
- I'ma call Melissa.
- No, wait, wait, wait! Don't leave!
You waitin' on them to
play some conscious shit, huh?
Go berserk, watch these bitches work ♪
Money falling from
the ceiling to the dirt ♪
Hey, yo, Sneak! Sneaky, it's me!
The Duke of Miami!
What's up, baby? I know you remember me.
Come on, fam. Hey, where old girl
I know you see I got a bitch
in front of me right now.
Ain't you the one that be moving
them bitches around the city?
Yeah, b-but I'm a manager, too, though.
Oh.
- And look, I got a rap group
- Unless you offering up some hoes,
man, we ain't even interested.
Hey, man, you know
they all booked tonight.
Straight up.
But, look, check it. I'm with the DJ,
and she actually sent me over here
to send y'all a bottle on her.
But only if y'all want it.
- You let me know.
- Hell yeah!
Say less, say less.
Cool, she shoulda
started with that, Cuz!
These bitches ain't fucking with us ♪
On our motherfucking
worst day, bitch ♪
Callie? Yeah ♪
I'm really fine, bitches
ain't fucking with me ♪
You a mad bitch, but
you ain't fucking with me ♪
You ain't no bad bitch,
bitches ain't fucking with me ♪
I'm really bad, bitches,
bitches ain't fucking with me ♪
I'm really fine, bitch,
you ain't fucking with me ♪
You a mad bitch, but
you ain't fucking with me ♪
Watch me kill these bitches
in my little funeral dress.
Pretty in face like Caitlyn ♪
But a bitch run her game like Bruce ♪
What the fuck?
Ooh! I hit the bitch instead!
I hit the bitch instead!
Bitch, my pH is balanced, okay?
Oh. Okay then!
- Fuck it up!
- Ooh!
- Ay! Ay! Ay
- Fuck it up!
- Now, body roll! Put the leg up!
- Okay!
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Now, clap that ass!
Twerk it up and down!
- Oh!
- You losin' it!
You losin' it a little bit.
Hold on, you got that.
- Man, you can work it out!
- Hoo!
I took my panties off in the bathroom.
Okay Oh.
Okay. Okay.
This my bae's homeboy, y'all,
Big Daddy. Say hey!
- Hey!
- Hi, Big Daddy, welcome.
See? Ah!
Twerk, baby, twerk, now twerk, twerk ♪
Fiji. My favorite.
My bae is so considerate.
He came all the way to me to
make sure I was taken care of.
This fucking whole time,
you were waiting for the abortion fairy?
- Oh my god!
- Oh shit, bitch!
This nigga Postmated her Plan B pill!
Say ah! Say ah!
Girl, you too thick to be
taking one of those pills!
Oh, Sister Mary Clarence,
you got a lot of nerves.
And, bitch, I know you
ain't over here talking.
You had about five abortions.
Girl, that's okay
though, bitch. That's okay!
- Hey.
- I wanna get outta here.
- I'm ready to go right now.
- What's wrong? What happened?
I was trying to call Melissa.
My mama not answering the phone.
She been drinking all day.
She probably don't
even know what's going on right now.
Maybe Melissa's sleeping.
I don't like the way I feel.
Okay. Okay. Let's go. Come on.
I'm gonna end up in
jail or in these streets.
What?
Sometimes, I feel like
there's two paths for me.
Like I'ma either end up in jail
or 40 years old, still in these streets.
I want better. I don't want
my baby to think I don't care.
I wanna give her
a better life. That's it.
You are. You're a great mom, Mia.
I just really want
this shit to work, Shawna.
It's gonna work.
It's me and you!
We about to kill this shit. Together.
Nice head, nice thought,
need a wretched hoe ♪
Let's go dance.
Ayo, Dimples! Ayo, Dimples!
- What's up, baby? Ay, look
- Yo, what's good?
Ah!
- What's up, man?
- What's going on?
Shit, shit, shit. My man Sam Sneak
said he needs you to play this next.
He trying to fuck,
and he don't give a fuck ♪
Yeah!
Hey, if you wanna see all
the women in here throwing ass,
this the one! I'm telling you!
And he told me to come
and hand it to you personally.
Nigga, exclusive shit.
She don't give a fuck, yeah ♪
This shit is laying the game ♪
Ay!
This shit, it can get ratchet ♪
You know I'm a lil savage ♪
I just got the
I pull me a lil' bad bitch ♪
Just got to the H,
nigga L to the face ♪
That nigga drop the addy,
now we pulling up the chase ♪
Face down, ass up,
that's the way I like to fuck ♪
Maurice?
Now you gotta beat it up,
pussy popping ♪
Period Pooh, she a bald head ho ♪
Yeah bend that ass over,
touch your toes ♪
Hi!
Oh, shit!
What you doing here?
You looking different.
- I like it.
- I bet you do.
Tell me what you
really, really need, lil' bae ♪
Take you out and put you
in Double C, lil' bae ♪
- Hey ♪
- Okay!
Hangin' out of town and
in them cheeks, lil' bae ♪
Got you down and out
and on your knees, lil' bae ♪
I like two when I'm in the cut ♪
If I take you to my crib ♪
I put that way down in your gut ♪
Donny started talkin',
all you said is, "So what?" ♪
Donny's tired of talkin' ♪
Shawty at the strip
'til the lease up ♪
Tell me what you need, love ♪
Tell me what you need, love ♪
Cash on the table if you need some ♪
Tell me what you need ♪
Tell me what you need, love ♪
Tell me what you need ♪
Tell me just what you like ♪
Gucci on her ♪
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait! Hold up! Hold up!
Are you serious?!
- This is our song!
- What? This is your rap?
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Seduce and scheme, I'ma ♪
- Bitch! This us!
- What the fuck?
- Oh my god!
- This is us!
- Oh shit! The fuck!
- I gotta find Mia! I gotta find Mia!
- That's my friend! That's my friend!
- That's our friend!
- I gotta find Shawna! I'll be back!
- Wait, wait, wait!
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Put his face in that crack like this ♪
Put an arch in your back, then leave ♪
I'ma show you how
to run these schemes ♪
Say my name in it, go insane
in it, said my pussy too wild ♪
No taming it, like hahahaha ♪
If he ain't got change ♪
Miss Double D's, I direct deposit ♪
I need it now,
put respect on my shit ♪
Landlord pussy, I collect the profit!
Bad bitch living rent-free
in his pockets ♪
Body valid, I can't take no bad pic ♪
Got the keys from that
nigga like Khaled ♪
Wild cat, he like me
'cause I'm ratchet ♪
Take a nigga soul,
put his body in a casket ♪
Time is money, baby,
skip the foreplay ♪
He a felon, beat it like a cold case ♪
Lotta attitude,
pretty face with no waist ♪
Ghetto, but I'm fly, man,
I call that soul plane ♪
Head only with your shirt off ♪
Fucking in the whip, skirt off ♪
19, I'm a dick 'cause I curved y'all ♪
If I want a nigga, bitch,
I make a bird call ♪
I'ma spend his cream,
seduce and scheme ♪
Oh!
Seduce and scheme!
I'ma spend his cream,
seduce and scheme ♪
Classy, I'm a real bitch,
but I'm nasty ♪
Ride the dick good,
then I ask where the cash be ♪
Actshly, yeah, I got bank ♪
And do you think I give
a fuck what you think? ♪
And I know you hearda E-Block
got me repping D-Block ♪
Better have my money 'cause
my daddy pack a mean Glock ♪
Broke nigga, please,
if you ain't got what I need ♪
Tell a real nigga slide
'cause these broke niggas weak ♪
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Seduce and scheme ♪
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Seduce and scheme ♪
I'ma spend his cream ♪
Seduce and scheme ♪
Bitch! When y'all did
that little thing, like,
got on that table,
I said, "okay, bitch!"
Oh my god! I still
can't believe this shit!
How does it feel? That was big!
- Best day of my life.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
- You welcome.
How else y'all think
y'all's song got played?
It was nothing.
No, it wasn't nothing.
Thank you.
It's good, man.
I'll see y'all later.
- Okay.
- Bye!
- I'm hungry!
- Okay, me, too.
Y'all, my Lyft's here. I'ma see y'all.
- You coming?
- Yeah. Yeah.
There's a barbecue spot on the corner.
- Yeah.
- If I don't eat, I'ma faint.
Y-y'all go ahead.
- Have a good night. I'ma stand down.
- Oh.
But, I got y'all though.
Good job. Congratulations.
Okay.
- Y'all did good.
- Good night!
And then this bitch popped
out with a whole new outfit!
Y'all was talking shit about
my dress! I couldn't have it!
Okay? I look good.
Y'all did so good tonight.
- Thank you.
- Thank you!
- That was incredibly dope.
- We got a fan.
- Yes.
- Yes, need her.
- So, gir
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hello?
- Hey. Sorry, Shawna.
- Hey, Cliff.
I been at the library
all day with no service.
Oh, you were in the library all day.
- Yeah.
- That's why you didn't
- Okay. Okay.
- Are you okay?
Like, what happened?
No, I-I'm gonna call you
when I get home, okay?
- I love you.
- Love you, too.
Okay, I'll talk to you
when I get home. Bye.
Bye.
Aw
What's up?
Girl, I need to go to
New York. I'm stupid.
Let's go.
'Cause
I got me somebody that's
trying to see me anyways.
- Okay. Let's go to New York.
- Yes, girl, let's go to New York!
Oh my god!
Oh, I'm so happy that you
down! I been wanting to go
- Let's go! Let's go.
- Period.