Rings on Their Fingers (1978) s01e04 Episode Script

1 Thank you very much indeed, madam.
Mr and Mrs Pryde! Oh, it is nice to see you again, and you've booked the honeymoon suite.
After all these years.
Tell me, is this an anniversary or something of that order, hm? Well, er It depends on the - I beg your pardon? - Something of that order.
Really? Oh, splendid.
Who says that the age of romance is past, eh? Would you mind, sir? Mrs Pryde, looking lovelier than ever, if I may say so.
Thank you very much.
Must be marriage.
- Marriage.
- Ssh.
Oh, yes.
Yes, marriage marriage anniversary.
- Anniversary.
- Yes - Anniversary.
- Anniversary.
- Might I inquire which one? - Ready, darling? - Yes, well - No, I was just wondering, sir, which.
Anniversary.
- Sixth.
- Fourth.
- Fifth! - Yes.
Yes, the fifth.
- No.
- No? You see, I remember that it was six years ago when you first signed this book as Mr and Mrs Pryde.
- Yes, well - Six.
- Yes.
- Oh, well Yes, that's probably because we had a bad year and just didn't count it.
No.
- No? - No.
You see, I was particularly reminded of this because there was another young couple who particularly wanted the honeymoon suite this weekend, and were terribly disappointed to be pipped at the post.
They've had to make do with your old room.
- The one with the dodgy tap.
- Yes.
- We were lucky, weren't we? - Yes.
I only wish we had more than one honeymoon suite, and not only for the money.
- I mean that.
- Money? Well, all our prices have risen, of course, sir, particularly for our best suite.
But at a time like this, who counts the cost, hm? Who? No better news, I suppose? What? Oh, about the honeymoon suite.
No, I'm sorry, Mr Willis.
I'm afraid Mr and Mrs Pryde booked it ahead of you for their anniversary.
Anniversary? Yes, it's a truly romantic weekend.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry! Mr and Mrs Pryde, Mr and Mrs Willis.
- We got married today.
- So did we! - No, we didn't.
- No, we didn't.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Come along, darling, it's really a very nice little room, even if the hot tap is a bit dodgy.
I wanted a nice big honeymoon suite.
Yes.
I - Well, bad luck.
- Yes.
Well, come on, then, darling.
- Oh, er Just a second, darling.
- Hm? - Er I say - Sir? - Exactly how much is the suite? - Honeymoon suite? Don't spoil your anniversary, sir.
No, I want to know.
Plus VAT.
Good grief! Well, of course, you usually have the cheaper rooms round at the side of the hotel, don't you, sir? - The one with the um - Dodgy tap.
Oliver! Yeah, coming, darling.
Thank you.
- I was just ordering the papers.
- Why were you whispering? - Didn't order the Morning Star, did you? - Silly thing! Do you know, I thought you were checking the price of our suite! Oh, darling, it's beautiful! Hey! No wonder that other couple were so disappointed.
Come and see.
- Sandy! - What? - The threshold.
- Oh, I'm in now.
Then come out.
Come on, I don't want an audience.
I only wanted to see the view.
Well, you're getting a good view of me first.
Now Oh, God! You've put on weight.
You're still carrying the suitcase! - What? Oh.
- Oh! Oliver! Darling.
- Sorry, darling.
I'm sorry.
- You strangled me.
Sorry.
- A fine start to a honeymoon.
- Yes, well, um Look, let's forget all about the threshold.
- Foot crushed and nearly throttled.
- Yes.
- Well, come along, sweetheart.
- My spine's agony.
Well, never mind about that, I'll kiss it better for you.
You can't kiss a slipped disc better.
There's no need to shout, Oliver, this is the honeymoon suite.
Mm! Now hobble over here and look at the view.
Just look at that, darling.
Oh, isn't it wonderful? Look at the sea.
And the beach.
Better than when we used to come before, in that funny little room round the side.
Oh, I'm so happy, darling.
I love you, Mrs Pryde.
- Despite the price of the marriage licence? - Despite £21.
25? Yes.
- Would you have gone to £21.
30? - It is possible.
Thank you.
Hey, I'd say that this was the beginning of the honeymoon, wouldn't you? - Well, it is.
- Well, not just the honeymoon.
The marriage and the whole thing.
Forget the last six years.
- Forget? - Oh, well, I don't mean forget.
We're never going to forget about them, they were wonderful years.
Being married's even better, and we got married today.
So, really, the new life starts here.
Do you see what I mean? Ah Mm.
We won't get anywhere, darling, comparing our new life with the old life, will we? And we're really Mr and Mrs Pryde now.
- Not just forgeries in a hotel register.
- No.
OK, my darling, the new life starts here.
- Mm-hm.
Look forward, not back.
- Bury the past, eh? Mm! - How's your slipped disc? - Ooh! Well, actually, it might get better quicker if I was lying down.
- Lying down? - Mm, beside you.
Oh.
Oliver, it's only half-past four.
After a week on a camp bed, Sandy, time is immaterial.
Oliver, you promised me a glass of champagne.
- With dinner.
- No, before.
- Right, I'll order it now.
- Thank you, darling.
Nice and chilled? And by the time they get it cold enough, perhaps we'll need cooling down.
Oliver! Oh, room 302.
Would you send up a bottle of champagne, please? Well, your best.
What have you? What's the next best? Well, yes, it is a little early.
I think a nice tray of tea.
Tea, yes.
Thank you so much.
We'll discuss the bubbly stuff later.
Thank you.
I beg your pardon? No, just tea, thanks.
No biscuits.
We had a snack on the station.
Well, you said yourself it is only 4:30.
Honeymoons take various shapes and forms but I've never heard one described as Economy Class.
Economy? Oh, no, no, my darling.
I want to stay on my feet, don't I? Well, from what you were hinting at just now, no, you don't.
What? Oh, no, no.
Well, we'll have a nice a nice cuppa and then a nice nap, eh? Well, when I say "nap" I bet that couple with confetti in their hair aren't ordering tea and biscuits.
Correction, tea and no biscuits.
Well, we're having dinner at the fish restaurant, like we always do.
- Like we always do? - No, sorry.
- New life - Starts here.
Sorry.
After all, this is a honeymoon, not a re-heating of yesterday's leftovers.
Of course it is.
- Let's go to a different place.
- The French one? - On the front? - No, round the back.
- I've had a look - What about the one on the front? - Well, it's a little bit er - Expensive? Expensive? No, darling.
You will keep making me out to be a meanie.
- Looks very lush.
- Yes, it does, doesn't it? No menu outside, that always means something.
Exclusive! - They don't want to put people off.
- Their prices? Exclusive, that's what it is.
No riff-raff.
Prices? Darling, this is our honeymoon.
A new life starts here.
No expense spared.
Ooh! - Your tea, sir.
- Oh.
With no biscuits.
No, well Good afternoon, Mrs Pryde.
How nice to see you again.
Thank you.
And in the honeymoon suite after all these years.
- Champagne.
- Sir? - Instead of the tea.
- Champagne? - Champagne, darling? Champagne.
- Ooh.
Well, you always used to have it, sir.
Yes, well, thanks a lot.
Oh, excuse me, darling.
Plenty of ice in the bucket and er What's the sparkling wine like? Cheaper.
When you pour, keep your hand over the label.
Darling, don't cry.
- I'm sorry.
- But it's our honeymoon.
- In the wrong room! - I tried everywhere.
I'm sorry, but if you do check out for any reason, give us first refusal.
Please! Well, I er Yes, I know, Sarah.
- Thank you, husband.
- What? - For the champagne.
- Oh, yes.
- Oliver.
- Yes? I'm not trying to improve my circulation, you know.
Sorry.
- Oliver.
- Yes? You feel as if you've come straight out of a deep-freeze.
Oh, sorry, no, I was just thinking about those newlyweds.
- Mm? - They were in the corridor just now.
- She was crying again.
- Oh, well, darling, all brides cry on their wedding day.
No, she was still crying about the honeymoon suite.
Oliver, you're not suggesting that we take in lodgers, are you? - No, darling, of course not.
- Well, then? No, it's just that I feel a little guilty, you know.
- I mean, they're on their honeymoon.
- So are we.
No, but their real honeymoon.
- So are we.
- Oh, yes, but - You're not suggesting we should - No.
Heavens, no! Well, I mean it wouldn't be a very good start to a honeymoon, would it? I mean, evacuating the honeymoon suite after seven minutes.
Silly! - Champagne! - Ah! Oh! Your first order, sir, is with the compliments of the hotel.
That's very generous.
Champagne? You ordered sparkling wine, sir.
Very generous, yes.
Our manager, madam, Mr Marshall, he's a very romantic gentleman, you know.
He is truly concerned that this hotel doesn't boast two honeymoon suites.
Oh! That, of course, is because of the other young couple You wouldn't know about them.
- We do.
We feel very sorry for them.
- Yes.
Yes, it's very sad.
Mm, lovely! Mm.
Unfortunately, there was another night when they invented sparkling wine.
Oh, darling, perhaps he could book the restaurant for us.
- We don't know its name.
- Oh, you mean the fish restaurant.
- No.
- I can recommend the fish restaurant.
- We know, but we thought we'd have a change.
- Yes, the French restaurant.
Oh, you mean the Coq D'or up the hill from the front.
No, the one on the front.
- The Perroquette.
- Oh, is that its name? You can recommend it, can you? I can recommend you to go to the Coq D'or, sir.
They don't have a menu outside the Perroquette because if they did only Arabs could get in and then they'd have to sell a couple of oil wells.
The waiter recommends the Coq D'or, darling.
- I prefer the one on the front.
- She prefers the one on the front.
Table for two, 7:30.
All right, darling? Of course, if the Perroquette happens to be fully booked Oh, I understand you, sir.
Good.
Mind you, they never are.
They're too expensive.
Oliver.
- Happy days, darling.
- Cheers, darling.
Mm.
I want to be really decadent today.
- Decadent? Mm.
Not just vintage champagne at teatime.
- I want a glass on the edge of my bath.
- On the edge of the bath? Of course, to be really decadent, it should be asses' milk in the bath.
I don't think they do that in cartons, though, do they? - It sounds pricey.
- Pricey? No, only joking, darling.
Er Oliver! Bridegroom's privilege.
Come along, plenty here.
You'll get your decadent glass in the bathroom.
We're not halfway through yet.
- Sparkling wine.
- Sandy Made by the genuine champagne method.
- I ordered champagne.
- You got champagne method.
- Well, you heard me order.
- Champagne method, style, type.
- But not champagne - He made a mistake.
- Or we did.
- Us? Oliver, is this a marriage, or just marriage style, marriage type? - Sandy - Made by the marriage method.
I haven't lost a lover, I've gained a cost accountant.
- I'll order some more.
- No, no! I wouldn't want you to have to open a new ledger.
- What on earth are you talking about? - Oliver, ever since you and I decided to get married, you have behaved like a cross between Ebenezer Scrooge and Denis Healey.
Nonsense! Price of the wedding rings, cost of the marriage licence, my dress, - second-class ticket down here.
- Oh, darling.
And if I hadn't got into a taxi at Brighton station, - we'd still be standing at a bus stop! - Good lord! You accuse me of penny-pinching when ever since Penny-pinching? Oliver, you are the original pound-pincher.
Sandy, do you realise this is the first time we've rowed in this hotel in six solid years? Oliver! The new life starts here! Oh, yes.
I'm acutely aware of that fact.
The old life was more fun and less expensive.
- Well, it wasn't always more fun for me.
- Oh, really? No, really! Being called Mrs Pryde when I was still Miss Bennett.
Wearing a ring out of a Christmas cracker.
- That was just the first time.
- What? - I bought you a decent ring after that.
- 95p from Kensington Market? Now who's mentioning money? I used to envy those married couples on the pier and in the restaurant.
- And how did you know they were married? - I knew.
They were the ones having the flaming rows! Like we are now.
I said this was the first time in six years.
- What about the rows on the pier, Oliver? - What? At the amusements.
If you lashed out 10p and only got 5p back, you used to buttonhole the attendant, tell him the machine was fixed.
Oh, rubbish! And you used to kick that crane thing if it only gave you a scoopful of jelly babies.
And once, on the helter-skelter, you demanded a refund because your flipping mat was a bit threadbare.
So we did used to have rows, even in the good old days.
Not in this hotel we didn't.
- It must be marriage, then.
- That's what I said.
Oh, have your bath! - No, thank you.
- I'll run it for you.
Oliver, just have a little sensitivity, will you? I can I sit there in the foam, drinking cha sparkling wine with divorce staring me in the face? Divorce? Darling Sandy, hey, come on.
Married before lunch, separated before tea.
I mean, even Zsa Zsa Gabor doesn't have that kind of turnover.
You see, I'm just a bit on edge.
Hm? A silver wedding is 25 years and a tin wedding is ten years.
Do you think they've got a name for a six-hour one? It's the first hour of many hours.
Oh, you think we might make 24, do you? Sweetheart, look, you just stay there.
I'll ring the waiter, hm? Proper champagne.
No, just a minute, Oliver.
Just a minute.
Um You really do feel a bit on edge, do you? What? Oh, er Well, yes, I Yes, I do, a bit.
What do you suggest? - Let's go across the road.
- Across the road? To the pier.
Come on! Come on.
You can take it out on those machines.
An aperitif, monsieur, madame? An aperitif, Mrs Pryde? - No, thank you, Mr Pryde.
- Oh, why not? Because we've had one or two already.
We've had eight or nine, but who's counting? Spending my winnings.
Indeed, monsieur? Kemptown Races? No, Brighton Pier.
Oh, incredible luck! The real Midas touch.
Everything turned to p's.
- Peas? - 5p here, 10p there.
- Couldn't put a foot wrong, could I? - No, darling.
No, darling.
I even got a comfy mat on the helter-skelter.
- Congratulations, monsieur.
- Don't mention it.
Now, darling.
- Well a martini.
- Er Two.
Deux.
Trés bien, monsieur.
Oh, marriage brought me luck today, Mrs Pryde.
Even that bloody crane got its claws on a watch.
The fact that it dropped it and I didn't even get a jelly baby made no difference.
For five or six seconds, somebody up there liked me.
- I like all this.
- This place? Mm.
- Fish place is a nice place.
- Mussel soup, scampi.
The point is, though, Oliver, all this helps us to make the break.
The break.
- Same hotel, new room.
- New room, yes.
- Different restaurant, nobody knows us.
- Different restaurant and menu.
Different mat on the helter-skelter.
And different tonight.
- Tonight? - Mm-hm.
Oh.
Um Well, I don't really know, Oliver.
Well, I must get something for my £21.
25.
I er I didn't read the small print.
Wasn't there a guarantee? Only joking.
If it's half as good as the last six years, I won't ask for my money back.
Aah.
Mr and Mrs Pryde.
Mr Marshall rang me from the hotel and asked me to treat you like regular customers.
How about that, huh? I say to him, they never come to me before.
No, he says, they always go to the fish restaurant.
So, we have to treat you better than the fish restaurant, and we can.
We even do you mussel soup and scampi.
How about that, uh? Whatever you have there for all these years, you can have here, Monsieur and Madame Pryde.
Treat me like an old friend, uh? Bon appétit.
- There's nothing like a complete break.
- Oh, Oliver! They know our names, it's mussel soup and scampi.
"Treat me like an old frond.
" - Monsieur and Madame Pryde.
- Everyone's an old "frond"! Thank you.
Monsieur.
- And congratulations on your anniversary.
- Thank you.
He'll probably send us a Christmas card.
We might just as well have gone to the fish place.
Oh, no, darling.
No, I like it here.
Anyway, we don't have to order mussel soup and "scompi", do we? - Hey, Oliver, I like these menus.
- Mm.
Special ones for the guests.
No prices.
- Yours has got prices on.
- Yes, mine's got prices.
- Is it very expensive, darling? - No, no, no.
Don't you worry your head.
After all, I won on the pier, didn't I? 48p.
Well, that'll go towards a pat of butter.
Oliver, I don't like this.
- Let me see.
- No! - I won't order anything.
- Don't be silly! Didn't used to argue at the fish restaurant.
Well, we weren't married then.
And when we got back to our room we didn't argue there, either.
We had other things to think about.
We've got the same things to think about tonight, Oliver, and to be perfectly honest, I'm a bit worried.
- About tonight? - Mm.
Yes, well, a minute ago you asked if it would be different.
- Oh, yes, but - Well, I'm not just worried about that.
- I'm worried that it won't be as good.
- No, Sandy, no! There's that couple.
Oh.
- Darling, let's give them our room.
- What? Then we can have our old room back.
- Now, darling - Let's not eat here, either.
Let's go to the fish place.
With the money we save, we can go back to London first class, get a taxi.
Go on.
Well, Sandy, it isn't a question of money, you know that, don't you? Darling, of course I know that.
It's not a question of money, I know that.
You've been marvellous, and I've been a selfish cow.
Oh, not a cow.
- Go on, you tell them.
- We can't just change rooms, can we? Well, we'll bribe a chambermaid.
- Go on, then.
If you don't, I will.
- No, no, no, no.
- If you really mean it, Sandy.
- I do, I do.
- That's the second time I've said that today.
- OK.
Excuse me.
I think perhaps I am too early to ask you if you have decided.
Oh, no, no, no, we have decided.
- Oh, yes, madame.
- We've decided to go to the fish place.
This is a lovely place and the martinis are lovely, too.
Lovely and um cold.
It's just that we've had this change of plan, you see.
It's all my fault.
It's all my fault.
Well, ladies do change their minds sometimes, you know.
I know, madame.
I have been married 20 years.
Darling, they are so thrilled, they want us to join them.
- They're ordering champagne.
- Oliver! Honeymoon couples don't want to share their wedding night.
- Oh, they don't mind.
- Well, this honeymoon one does.
What? Oh, yes, course.
Sorry! Well, I'll tell them.
They're paying.
Honeymoon? Newly wed? I thought tonight was the anniversary of when you were newly wed.
Yes, it's both.
But if we ever get a divorce, we shall definitely come here.
The hot tap still only gives you a trickle.
I don't think we'd better complain.
The chambermaid was pretty baffled as it was.
Yes, but that couple are very happy.
We're happy, too, aren't we, darling? Yes.
That meal at the fish place was the best ever.
Yes.
All that garlic in the soup! All that garlic, yes.
- Come on, darling.
Don't be long.
- Sorry.
Sandy.
- Do you like it? - Mm-hm.
Thank you.
Actually, do you know something? - I'd have been nervous in the honeymoon suite.
- Would you? It's all that glamour.
It's like the milkman's horse suddenly being put in the circus ring.
Milkman's horse? - Sorry.
- Not very romantic.
- No.
Sorry.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
- Didn't you see that film? - What film? Where they said, "Love is never having to say you're sorry.
" And you can add to that not talking about the milkman's horse.
Sorry! - Mm.
Oh, Oliver.
- Mm! - Hello.
- Mr Willis, this is Reception.
Er I'm not Mr Willis.
- You're not? - No.
Oh, terribly sorry.
- Somebody wants the Willises.
- Why didn't you say we'd swapped rooms? And have the management up here investigating? Anyway, they don't want phone calls on their wedding night any more than we do.
No.
Mm! - Hell and damnation! - Now, Oliver Please.
I'm spending my honeymoon in a damn telephone exchange.
- Hello.
- Colin, give Sarah my love.
- Colin? - We found out where you were staying! - This is not Colin.
- Are you in bed yet? You suggested changing rooms with the Willises.
- You agreed! - You brought the idea up.
Let's not have a row about it.
Go on, put out that light and come and love me.
Oh, good grief! Bloody hell! - Who do you think that could be? - Well, you find out.
- It might be a fire or something.
- Good, the only time I'll feel hot tonight! Oliver, you must go.
Oh, my God.
- Now, Colin - He's not Colin! - No, I - Where's Colin Willis? - Where's Sarah? - Colin? - Well, who are you? - We're Sarah's parents.
- She got married today.
- Yes, we know.
- What's wrong? - What's wrong? - That terrible Colin! - He's been married three times before.
And he's only been divorced twice.
- You mean - Yes.
He's a divorcé? And we felt so sorry for them!