Rocko's Modern Life (1993) s01e04 Episode Script

1
( buzzing and chirping )
( chuckling )
GOOD AS NEW.
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
SPUNKY!
SPUNKY!
( screaming )
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE. ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
( laughing )
THAT WAS A HOOT!
OH, BOY, THESE NEW PEST-O-MATIC
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRANGE FINDER GOGGLES
SURE WERE A GOOD INVESTMENT.
NOTHING CAN ESCAPE ME NOW.
AH-HA!
( gulp )
( buzzing )
ANOTHER LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING
FREE-LOADER RUINING
MY WINNING MASTERPIECE.
PARASITES!
( growls )
NO! NO!
\h\h\h( bugs punching,
burping and groaning )
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMr. Bighead:
MEET YOUR NEW CELLMATE.
( laughing )
BIGHEAD! YOUR OPPRESSIVE
\h\h\h\hREGIME WILL FALL.
WE MAY BE YOUR PRISONERS NOW
BUT ONE DAY
WE WILL HAVE OUR CHANCE
\h\h\h\hTO BE FREE
TO STAND LIKE FREE MEN
IN THE COOL BREEZE OF FREEDOM.
( beeping )
TWO MORE LAZY LEECHES.
( beeping becomes faster )
Mr. Bighead:
HOW I'D LIKE
TO RID MY LIFE
OF THEIR KIND.
ED
THAT GARDEN ISN'T THE ONLY THING
THAT NEEDS ATTENTION.
OH, I WISH I HAD MORE
OF A GARDEN TO TEND.
( beeping )
WHAT!
WHAT! AN INTRUDER.
IT'S A WEED FROM THAT CRETINOUS
GOOD-FOR-NOTHING,
POUCH-BELLY'S YARD.
( horns blasting )
AH!
Mr. Bighead:
I'LL SAVE YOU.
WHAT'S UP
WITH MR. BIGHEAD?
Rocko:
HE'S ALWAYS GO
SOME CHORE
TO DO IN HIS GARDEN.
( hollering )
SPEAKING OF CHORES
WHAT'S NEX
ON OUR LIST?
WELL, LET'S SEE.
WAKE UP, EA
SUNBATHE WHILE EATING
NEXT IS TV AND SNACKS.
( loud banging on door )
CRIKEY,
WHO COULD THAT BE?
HELLO, MR. BIGHEAD.
DON'T HELLO ME,
KANGAROO BOY.
THESE WERE
\hMY PRIZE BEGONIAS.
THE LIFE WAS STRANGLED
OUT OF THEM
BY YOUR ODIOUS WEED.
YOUR YARD IS A DISGRACE.
THE ENTIRE HOUSE
SHOULD BE BULLDOZED
AND HAULED AWAY AS SCRAP.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THIS PLACE.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI CALLED MY NEPHEW,
THE O-TOWN BUILDING INSPECTOR.
HE'LL BE HERE AT 6:00 TONIGH
TO CONDEMN THIS WRETCHED EXCUSE
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hFOR A HOME.
BUT
TOO LATE FOR APOLOGIES, SLACKER.
YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY
YOU CROSSED HEDGE CLIPPERS
WITH ED BIGHEAD!
REMEMBER! 6:00 P.M.
THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
( breaks wind )
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRocko:
WHAT'S GOT HIS KNICKERS
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hIN A TWIST?
THIS PLACE ISN'
SO BAD.
( crows cawing )
I GUESS
THE OLD PLACE
COULD USE SOME
SPRUCING UP.
Mr. Bighead:
GIVE UP, YOU TAPEWORMS
IN THE INTESTINE OF SOCIETY.
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
OH, YEAH? WELL
WELL, UH
OH, YEAH?
OH-HO! WITTY RETORT.
Rocko:
THAT'S IT!
NOT ONLY WILL THIS HOUSE
NOT BE CONDEMNED
IT WILL BE
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD--
EVEN NICER THAN YOURS.
( laughing heartily )
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOH, STOP!
STOP, I MIGHT WET MYSELF.
( water tinkling )
OOPS.
\h\h\h\hLET'S SEE WHA
WE'VE GOT TO WORK WITH.
OH, DEAR.
I'M AFRAID FATE HAS SQUATTED
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hON US AGAIN.
NONSENSE.
( crashing )
WE'LL HAVE TO BE CREATIVE.
TAKE THIS PAINT,
FOR INSTANCE.
NOT ENOUGH OF ONE COLOR
TO DO THE WHOLE
HOUSE, BUT
MIX IT ALL TOGETHER
AND PRESTO!
( liquid bubbling )
YES, BUT IT'S SORT OF BROWN
OR, OR GREEN.
WE'LL CALL IT "BREEN."
I'M SURE IT'LL LOOK
NICE WHEN IT DRIES.
( gulps )
( belches )
( Spunky whimpers )
( Spunky whimpers )
( laughing )
( cackling )
( all cackling )
( clucking )
( crow cawing )
YOU KNOW, HEFF,
IT SEEMS ODD
BUT THIS DOESN'
LOOK DIFFERENT.
NO ARGUMENT HERE.
YOU ARE PATHETIC.
TEN MINUTES TILL INSPECTION
AND VICTORY WILL SOON BE MINE.
( chortling )
CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING
TO MAKE THIS PLACE
LOOK BETTER?
COULD USE A LITTLE LANDSCAPING.
( clock ticking )
NOTHING'S GROWING.
WHAT WE NEED, ROCKO, IS SOME
( loud munching )
FERTILIZER!
( gulps )
YOU GO
THE SPORTS PAGE?
( grunting )
( grunting and groaning )
OH, WOW.
( crashes )
( Spunky panting )
( ground rumbling )
HEFF, I THINK
IT'S WORKING.
I'M SORRY, ROCKO.
I'M A FERTILIZER
FAILURE.
HA! YOUR TIME IS UP.
THE INSPECTOR
WILL BE HERE ANY SECOND.
VICTORY IS MINE!
( laughs triumphantly )
( ground rumbles )
Both:
WHAT'S THAT?
MOVE OUT!
( yelling )
( bugs buzzing
\hlike a chain saw )
ED!
GEE, HEFF, IT DOES LOOK NICER
WHEN IT DRIES.
( screeching )
( birds chirping )
THAT'S IT!
YOUR TIME IS UP.
CAN I GET YOUR
SIGNATURE?
YOU'RE DARN RIGH
YOU CAN.
ANYTHING TO GET RID
OF THE BUMPKINS.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
TAKE IT AWAY.
ED!
JUST A MINUTE, BEV.
MR. BIGHEAD?
\h\h\h\hGROVELING WILL
GET YOU NOWHERE, BOY.
ED! ED!
I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hSUGARPLUM. ♪
GET OFF MY BACK, WOMAN!
B-B-BUT, MR. BIGHEAD.
( mocking Rocko: )
B-B-BUT, MR. BIGHEAD.
( horn blows )
BEV!
FASTER, ED,
FASTER!
RUN!
PUT A MOVE
ON IT!
POOR MR. BIGHEAD.
BUT THE HOUSE
LOOKS NICE.
A JOB WELL DONE.
WITH REGULAR
MAINTENANCE
WE CAN KEEP I
LOOKING THIS NICE
FOR A LONG TIME.
( loud crashing )
WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAS
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hTO BRING YOU
A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN.
LET'S GO LIVE
TO THE O-TOWN ACTION NEWS
\h\h\h\hCOPTER CAM. CLARK?
Police are in their fifth hour
of a grueling low-speed chase
that shows little sign
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hof ending.
THIS IS GREAT, EH, SPUNKY?
NOBODY OUT DRIVING TODAY.
IT'S LIKE WE OWN THE ROAD.
\h\h\h\hA GUY AND HIS DOG,
SHARING THE OPEN HIGHWAY.
UH-OH.
The vehicle's coming to a halt
ending one of the worst
low-speed chases
in the city's history.
\h\h\h\hThe SWAT team
is surrounding the car.
This is it, Fran!
ALL RIGHT,
WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.
YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS
TO COME OUT.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
NINE.
OKAY, OKAY, TEN!
STEP OU
OF THE CAR, PLEASE.
GAS CAP'S MISSING.
GET THIS WORKED OU
WITH THE DEPARTMEN
OF MOTOR VEHICLES.
THEY'LL TELL YOU
WHERE YOU CAN PICK UP
YOUR AUTOMOBILE.
IS THAT ALL?
HUH? OH, SORRY
HIT IT, BOYS.
( vaudeville music playing )
WEREN'T THEY GREAT, FOLKS?
( laughs )
( rings )
HEY, PEDESTRIAN,
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AIN'T YOU GOT NO CAR?
DON'T PAY THEM
ANY ATTENTION.
WE'LL GE
OUR CAR BACK.
WAIT FOR ME HERE.
I'LL BE OU
IN JUST A MINUTE, OKAY?
( sighs )
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hATTENTION PLEASE,
WILL THE OWNER OF A SMALL DOG
LICENSE NUMBER
( cash register rings )
ONE-THREE-FIVE-
SEVEN-NINE-ZERO
COME TO THE
SECURITY DESK.
NO DOGS
IN THE BUILDING.
YOU'LL HAVE TO
TIE HIM UP OUTSIDE.
( panting )
SORRY, SPUNK, YOU'VE GO
\h\h\h\hTO STAY OUTSIDE.
DON'T WORRY, THOUGH.
I'LL BE BACK
IN A JIFF.
( sighs )
NEXT.
HELLO, I
WHOA, OA.
I GOT TO WAI
FOR THE COMPUTER.
DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU?
THESE SCREENS
ARE RADIOACTIVE
\h\h\h\hAND THE PLATE
IN MY HEAD IS VIBRATING.
OOPS, I DROPPED MY MOUSE.
OH, BOY. HOLD ON.
CAN I HELP YOU?
I NEED A FORM
FOR A MISSING GAS CA
HOLD IT,
DON'T GO CRAZY!
FIRST, YOU HAVE
TO TAKE THESE FORMS
AND GET YOUR
EYE TEST.
HEY! HEY!
HOLD ON, YOU.
WHEN YOU TAKE
THE DRIVER'S TES
( whispering: )
DON'T GET THE FAT GUY.
Female recorded voice:
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hPlease sit
in the doctor's chair.
Read the chart in front of you.
The doctor will be
with you momentarily.
"E, Z, G, H, J, P, M.
"THE DOCTOR IS SNEAKING UP
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hBEHIND YOU.
"HE'S A MADMAN.
GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!"
( sinister chuckling )
( screaming )
HOLD IT!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hIT'S SO MUCH EASIER
TO EXAMINE YOUR EYES THIS WAY.
MM-HMM.
UM, HOW MUCH LONGER
DO I HAVE TO HOLD THIS?
THAT'S FINE.
YOU CAN RELAX NOW.
JUST NEED TO CHECK
ONE MORE THING.
( crashing )
MM-HMM.
SUPPLE AND FIRM.
GOOD MUSCLE TONE.
AH, YOUTH.
COUGH, PLEASE.
( ticking )
( coughs )
OKAY, ROCKY,
EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT.
GO AHEAD
AND TAKE THIS WITH YOU
TO ROOM 101.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hGOOD LUCK
ON YOUR DRIVING TEST, SON.
HOPE YOU DON'T GET THE FAT GUY.
( doctor laughing maniacally )
DON'T STEP
ON THE WHITE ONES.
HOT LAVA.
PINEAPPLES.
OH, YES.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?
SORRY, THERE.
EXCUSE ME.
( chuckles nervously )
LA, LA, LA ♪
LA, LA. ♪
( door slams )
( coughs )
SILENCE!
YOU ARE HERE
BECAUSE YOU HAVE ABUSED
YOUR PRIVILEGES AS MOTORISTS
AND HAVE DISGRACED THE NAME
OF THE DEPARTMEN
OF MOTOR VEHICLES.
NOW! I KNOW SOME
TRAFFIC SCHOOLS
WHERE THE STUDENTS
ARE ALLOWED
TO TAKE THEIR TESTS LIKE
INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS.
THAT'S NOT THE WAY
WE DO THINGS HERE!
AS FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED
YOU'RE ALL WILD PIGS!
I'M A WILD PIG.
SILENCE!
\h\h\h\hTHERE WILL BE
NO TALKING WHATSOEVER.
I WILL NOT TOLERATE EATING FOOD
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOF ANY KIND.
BLOWING YOUR NOSE IS
STRICTLY PROHIBITED!
( snorts and gulps )
NOW LET US BEGIN
BY COVERING A FEW
BASIC!
ELEMENTS!
OF!
DRIVING!
BUT FIRST, A FILM.
WHO WANTS TO RUN THE PROJECTOR?
OOH! OOH! OOH-
OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH!
YOU!
COME UP HERE.
CAN WE ROLL THE PICTURE?
OH, YES.
YOU WILL TAKE NOTES
IN ORDER ZAT YOU WILL
PREPARE YOURSELF
FOR YOUR DRIVING TES
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hINSTRUCTOR.
AND GOD HELP YOU
IF YOU GET THE FAT GUY!
Hi, kids.
Woo-hoo! Hey!
Let's talk about driving.
You know, driving a car
\h\h\h\hcan be fun. Woo!
But if you're like me-- Whoop!
\h\h\h\hIf you're like me,
sometimes you forget the
Hoo-hoo!
Let's get to our first lesson.
Everybody's favorite film.
( cheering )
The automobile:
a means of transportation
or a life-threatening
\h\h\h\hspeed casket?
You decide.
This is the prevention lab
where they test for things
that are really cool.
Experts are assembling
lifelike crash dummies
to test the effects of impact
upon the driver
and his passengers.
You may think this
experiment silly.
Let me tell you something--
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hit's not!
Remember, this could be you
\h\h\h\hand your family.
\h\h\h\hWhat you'll see
is a graphic depiction.
And it gets kind of messy.
( class groans in disgust )
( retching )
Well, that was fun, eh? Hoo!
Remember, when that big, hairy
driving test rolls around
don't you dare forget the
And don't get the fat guy.
Hoo-hoo! Hoo!
( snoring )
WHAT IN THE
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRocko:
"WAIT HERE FOR INSTRUCTOR."
HMM.
( imitating car engine )8
OKAY, GET IN.
( gulps )
FASTEN YOUR
SAFETY BELT, PLEASE.
LET'S PUT HER IN GEAR
AND WE'LL BEGIN.
I DON'T HEAR
THE ENGINE.
UM VROOM, VROOM?
THAT A BOY.
EASY, EASY!
Instructor:
OKAY.
MAKE AN EASY
LEFT HERE
AND WE'LL HEAD OU
INTO THE TEST AREA.
GENTLY, NOW. GENTLY!
\h\h\h\hWATCH IT,
PEDESTRIAN AREA.
LOOK OUT!
UM SCREECH!
UM-HMM.
LET'S CONTINUE,
SHALL WE?
LOOK OUT!
( screeching )
( cracking )
OW!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
I SAW IT.
I'M A WITNESS.
OH, MAN.
THAT'S A FRACTURE.
I'VE SEEN 'EM.
HE CAME OU
OF NOWHERE.
DIDN'T HE SEE
THE SIGN?
I HOPE YOU GOT INSURANCE, PAL
'CAUSE YOU'RE GOING
TO HEAR FROM MY LAWYER.
( teeth chattering )
HERE.(
T-T-TAKE I
AND G-G-GO.
HELLO.
I NEED MY PICTURE TAKEN
FOR MY LICENSE.
OH, YOU PASSED.
AND I EVEN GOT THE FAT GUY.
OH, THAT!
( crying )
THAT'S NOT THE FAT GUY.
THAT'S THE FAT GUY.
( loud stomping )
( bubbling )
( shrieking )
LET'S SEE
WHAT WE CAN DO
ABOUT YOUR PICTURE,
SHALL WE?
MMM, OKAY, OKAY.
YEAH, I'M INSPIRED.
THIS WILL
BE FABULOUS.
THAT'S IT.
GO, HONEY, GO.
GREAT! LOOKING GOOD.
YEAH, YEAH, PERFECT!
PERFECT! I LOVE THIS JOB.
VOILA!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hVOILA!
WOW! YOU TWO ARE AMAZING.
THANKS.
I'M GOING TO GET MY CAR.
HELLO AGAIN.
I'M HERE TO PICK UP MY CAR.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
EVERYTHING SEEMS
TO BE IN ORDER.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hCAN I SEE
THE REPLACEMENT GAS CAP, PLEASE?
( crowd gasps )
ROCKO?
YES.
ALL RIGHT,
GO AHEAD.
YEAH, YEAH.
HERE'S YOUR LOUSY
GAS CAP.
Officer:
WHAT DO WE SAY?
I'M SORRY.
( crowd cheering )
GOOD LUCK, ROCKO.
DRIVE CAREFULLY.
THAT A BOY,
SPUNKY.
( barks )
DADDY, DADDY.
TEACHER SAYS EVERY TIME
A GAS CAP IS FOUND
AN ANGEL GETS ITS WINGS.
YOUR TEACHER'S
FULL OF SNOT.
( engine starts )
THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN.
BUT MOVING VIOLATIONS
ARE NO LAUGHING MATTER.
THANK YOU.
WELL, THAT'S IT.