Run the World (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Previously on Run the World
I still think we could avoid
a lot of this stupid
sneaking-around nonsense
if we just disclosed our relationship
to the university.
I fucked that community peen guy
after the Soulja Boy party.
Why did you stay for two years?
You stopped answering my calls.
- What was I rushing home for?
- For me.
Getting divorced is surprisingly easy.
Cheers!
Divorce can be like a death.
I'm fine, really.
The kitchen's small.
You cook?
Not really.
It's a two-bedroom apartment
under $3,000
below 135th Street.
- Do you want it?
- Can I let you know tomorrow?
I didn't take you
for the gambling type,
but sure.
I'll need proof of employment,
three months of consecutive
bank statements,
- two years' tax returns
- It's all here.
I also included my blood type,
bra size,
and the start date
of my menstrual cycle.
I was born in the year of the Dragon
and my astrological sign is Taurus.
Mm. Of course it is. Hmm.
Your shoe's untied.
Thanks, Ma.
Uh, can you refrain from calling me Ma?
Clearly I'm not old enough
to be your mother, so
Are you fancy?
You look fancy.
Well, thank you, boo.
You must be excited about
those new basketball courts.
Nah, they ain't built it for us.
They built it for the fancy people.
- Rico, come on.
- Bye, Ma.
Nutcrackers! Nutcrackers!
I got the nutties, y'all.
Excuse me! Excuse me, sir!
Two for ten on the nutcrackers!
Hi!
Guess who finally fixed
the refrigerator light.
Checked out that
Greg the Handyman tutorial
on YouTube, and voilà.
- Oh.
- Oh, uh
I also changed the
light bulb in the closet.
Oh! Great, Jason.
I got Jimbo's.
- Ooh!
- Mm-hmm.
Burgers for breakfast?
Yup, extra cheese and bacon fried hard.
And Juan says hey.
- My man.
- Mm-hmm.
Always cooks it perfectly medium well.
Mmm!
Hey, um
check this place out.
I, uh I went to see it this morning.
Is there anything worse
than gentrifying the projects?
It's actually really nice.
It's huge and completely renovated.
The elevators kind of smell like piss,
but you'll become
nose-blind after a week.
I told the dude you'll
let him know tomorrow
if you're gonna take it.
What? If I'm
I'm sorry.
I didn't know I was moving out.
Jason
I know we agreed to keep it civil
and consciously uncouple, but
we both can't keep living here.
It just makes sense that you move out.
We're both different people now
than when we got married.
It's time that we make new agreements
that reflect who we've become.
What about our agreement
to finish binge-watching
Hot Baby Mamas: Detroit?
Hmm?
We could still do that.
Can we also agree
that I get to keep the TV?
You can keep all the electronics.
- Really?
- Yes.
- All of 'em?
- All of 'em.
I'm counting the Vitamix
as an electronic.
Fine, but I want the Wonderboom.
Okay, listen,
I begged you not to take yours
on your little girls' trip to Vegas,
and you lost it.
And now you want to take mine. No.
Okay.
I'm gonna go meditate.
Okay.
And "namaste" my ass right here.
Okay.
What?
You know how in movies
when people finish having sex
and they, like, fall flat back
onto the bed simultaneously?
Where are they coming from?
Huh?
You know, like this.
- Oh, like Wedding Crashers.
- Exactly.
What position requires
this backwards trust fall?
And they never
acknowledge the wet spot.
Or go get a towel.
I'ma go get a towel.
I'm just saying, maybe we're
not doing something right.
We need to be having
"simultaneous orgasm,
fall out of nowhere
onto the bed" movie sex.
I think we should do
the sex screen from Belly.
I wanna have Janet Jackson sex.
You talking '80s Janet or '90s?
Nineties.
Oh, you wanna have sepia-toned sex.
I spent my adolescence
listening to The Velvet Rope,
wondering what sex felt like
and if it really feels so good,
you cry.
Have I made you cry?
Not from sex.
Oh, shit.
I forgot I told Javi
I'd meet him for brunch.
Hurry up and get dressed.
Nah, I'm not interested
in playing 21 questions with Javi
about how we got back together.
We're not back together.
We're sleeping together, buddy.
I feel used.
Like a piece of meat. Mm-hmm.
Well, you know how I feel
about your hamstrings.
Hey, El?
Brunch sounds good.
Y'all look cute together.
Thank you.
Not together, though.
You really clarifying our dating status
to kids on the block?
Hey!
If you don't want him, I'll take him.
Oh!
You cannot kill Ryan Gosling
for The Notebook alone.
There she is, Miss Harlem America!
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- So good to see you.
- You too.
And lookee here, Mr. Anderson Louis.
So this is what I missed at karaoke.
The next time you miss my birthday,
I am officially filing for
a work husband divorce.
I'm so sorry, love. I had to.
It took me three months
to get those tickets to Tina.
Oh, my God.
So I'm testing
a social poll for tomorrow.
Marry, shag, kill: the Ryans. Hmm?
Javi, this is not a social poll.
This is your normal conversation.
And it's why I'm excellent at my job.
Anderson. Gosling, Reynolds, Phillippe.
Go.
Marry Ryan Reynolds.
He's Deadpool. He'd protect me.
Kill Gosling. Funny enough.
Don't need the competition.
Shag Phillippe.
He was a man's man in Shooter.
Thank you. Thank you!
- Ryan Gosling has to die.
- Has to die.
Oh, Ella, I told Barb
we'd meet her at
Yatenga for drinks later.
No! Why?
I cannot talk about the Internet
every second of my life.
Well, the Internet never sleeps, boo,
and that's why they
should call me Dr. Hot Tea,
because I am always
on call.
I like that. There you go.
I am gonna head to the bar
and get a real drink.
- Anybody want one?
- Make that two.
He pays? Ooh.
- Hey!
- Hi!
- Hey!
- Where are you guys headed?
A hundred and sixteenth.
Monife's gonna help me find new fabric
for my aso-oke with Ola's cousin.
Uh, aunt.
You have another aunt?
Babe, we've been over this.
I'm Nigerian. Everyone's an aunt.
Well, apparently,
the fabric that I picked
was not ornate enough.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
Oh. Hi, Anderson.
How about some more drinks, y'all?
Trust me, Monife's
got it handled, all right?
Now, I'm gonna head back to that buffet
and get some fufu and oxtails.
- I'll save you some, okay?
- No.
You know I can't have
anything that heavy
this close to the wedding.
Look, I hate to break it to you,
but we've done the work.
We're a sexy couple.
- There she is!
- Ah!
- Hi, sister!
- Hi, sister!
- Mwah!
- Ooh, ouch. I get seconds?
Yes.
Uh, Mommy wanted me to tell you
that cousin Ade
said the caterer you hired
had bad jollof rice.
- What? No.
- Oh, my God.
Do we have to hire a new caterer?
No, we don't. It's fine, all right?
Can you tell Mom to relax, please?
No. You tell her.
Help me.
It's fine. The rice is fine.
Everything's fine, all right?
- Okay.
- Ew. No.
Too much. Too much. It's too much.
Take care of her, all right?
Good afternoon, Auntie.
How are you and your family?
Ah, ah, Monife, Monife!
Ah! You are your mother's daughter.
Doctor Monife Adeyemo.
You and your brother bring
so much pride to your family.
Oh!
Your mother must be so happy.
She would only be happier if I
was a married successful doctor.
And you must be the bride.
Yes. Hi. I'm Whitney.
So nice to meet you.
Your future mother-in-law
is a very intense woman.
She sent me over 25 fabrics.
Mm, I'm surprised it was so few.
She's so excited about this wedding
and so appreciative of
how devoted you are to Ola.
I mean, you've put up with him
longer than anyone outside our family.
Oh, wow.
Monife, these
these are gorgeous.
Okay, now I feel bad,
because when I heard "brown,"
I thought
Doo-doo brown, I'm sure.
Ola really is terrible,
leaving you to sort this out alone.
Oh, no. It's not his fault.
You know, he's been great.
He's just so busy at the hospital.
Your mother prefers this one.
This fabric is stunning.
Stunning.
Auntie, and let's try this blue one.
Ola is lucky to have found you.
He is my brother, but I have
to say, he is marrying up.
Stop.
Your brother is an incredible man.
I'm the lucky one.
Oh, Whitney!
This is gonna be gorgeous.
Ah, no tears before the wedding day.
I'm gonna go call Mother.
So what kind of day are you having?
Still TBD.
So what's the alert?
Uh, I need an admin moment.
Uh, you know,
nutcrackers are not meant for guzzling.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Okay.
I cheated on Ola.
Why aren't you reacting?
Girl, I been known that.
Ella told me weeks ago.
Trinamic Trio of Trust, remember?
I deeply regret our
sixth grade clique name.
Also, you think I couldn't see through
that whole cold-feet episode
you claimed to be having?
I knew something was up.
Why didn't you say anything?
Like what?
"How 'bout that Chris Cabrera?"
Dick's fire, huh? Right?
Okay, stop.
Don't make me laugh.
I feel horrible. I'm a horrible person.
You are not a horrible person.
Now, what you did to Ola,
that was not kind.
But as your friend
your soon-to-be-divorced friend
I get it.
You know, getting
married makes you consider
all the what-ifs.
What if you had fucked that NBA player?
Or what if one of you gets paralyzed
and you can't fuck at all?
Or what if one of you
decides to quit your job
to manage a band you
saw on a subway platform
and then you decide
to consciously uncouple
because getting divorced
is more expensive
than paying lawyers to divide
the crumbs we have left
Renee, it seems that we've crossed over
into the "about you"
part of the conversation.
Yeah. Sorry.
Look, I love Ola so much.
I didn't cheat on him because
I have doubts about him or us.
It's just, I've
I've never been on an Internet date.
I've never been ghosted.
I've never had a one-night stand.
Ola is literally the first
and only person
that I have ever been with
before this.
I understand why you were afraid
of jumping the broom
as a One-Dick Wanda.
And we do not have to get married.
If this isn't what you want,
I'll drive the getaway car,
and fuck 'em all.
I don't think that's what you want.
I just started wondering if
I even really knew myself
when I've experienced so little.
I know who you are.
And you are not the kind of person
who could survive
destroying the love of your life.
So you don't think I should tell him
Bitch, hell no.
That is selfish as fuck.
Make peace with this
and bury it deep
deep, deep, deep down.
It's not fair to Ola to
punish him with your truth.
That man loves your crazy,
and that is all we could ever ask for.
I am not crazy.
Bitch, you are out
of your fucking mind.
Damn "Excel spreadsheets
for grocery shopping lists"
lookin' ass.
Give me that.
Mmm.
Damn, it's over.
Fuck. I gotta pee.
We can go knock on Matthew's door.
Sondi's probably in there,
hiding from Harlem on a weekend.
- All right.
- Oh!
Did Ella tell you she's
fucking Anderson again?
Oh, she didn't have to tell me.
She hasn't answered
one of my morning phone calls
since her birthday.
Little floozy.
Ugh!
What took you so you long?
Move. Move!
Let me guess: she has to pee.
Tiny woman, tiny bladder.
Sondi, friends are here!
What the hell?
- Come out and play.
- What are we, five?
I drank most of this nutcracker
in less than five minutes.
Come on! Make a run for it.
Daddy, ready or not, here I come!
You know what? Gladly.
I am in desperate need
of a drink and my two-step.
Yay!
I am free! I am free!
- I am free!
- Oh!
Hey, don't you love that speaker?
It's my favorite worldly possession.
You know it's waterproof, right?
Yes! I-I-I use it in the shower.
Y'all want a plate?
I got all the right things
over here to do a body good.
Boy, mind your manners.
Wait.
- Are those pork ribs?
- Is there another kind?
I'm from Memphis,
and the answer to that question is no.
You got baked beans?
You got a man?
I dare you to jump off!
You would dare me
to do some dumb shit like that.
Not trying to hobble
down the aisle in a cast!
Okay. Okay.
Okay, I don't wanna give these
baked beans back to the park.
You guys
I need Jason to get
the fuck out of my house.
I thought the whole
"divorcing nicely" thing
was your idea.
It was.
That doesn't make it a good one.
This morning, he fixed
the refrigerator light.
It's like he's literally
trying to earn his keep.
I thought divorcing this way
would save me money,
but it's costing me my sanity.
Well, I'm really
impressed with how calm
and relatively rational you sound.
Thank you.
I'm impressed with me too, you know?
I mean, I found this nigga a place.
I applied to it for him.
I mean, what else a girl gotta do?
Maybe you should just text him.
"Dear Jason.
"Get the fuck out now, kindly, please.
Thank you." Push emoji!
I thought those were praise hands.
It's interpretive.
Oh.
- Done.
- Wait a minute.
Do you hear that?
Get the fuck out, Jason ♪
Get the fuck out ♪
Get the fuck out, Jason ♪
- Get the fuck out ♪
- What? ♪
Get the fuck out, Jason ♪
Get the fuck out ♪
- Hey ♪
- Push ♪
Get the fuck out, Jason ♪
- Get the fuck out ♪
- Yeah ♪
Push emoji, push emoji Push emoji ♪
Matthew!
Hi!
You know I'm about
to turn this circle out, right?
Oh!
- Hey!
- Come to Yatenga!
It's lit!
I'm lit, but it's lit-lit!
Stop saying "lit."
Come! It's so lit.
Sorry.
We on the way. All right, girl.
I know.
Don't be mad at me.
I missed you.
Um, who's this?
Moussa, this is my boss, Barb.
Enchanté.
You ladies enjoying yourselves?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oui. Oui.
- Parlez français?
- No, no.
That's all the French I've got.
How do you say, "Voulez-vous
coucher avec moi?"
All right. Try this.
Okay.
Whoo.
- Ooh! Mm!
- Ugh!
Cherise, I would like to remember
leaving here tonight.
Now, this is an adult beverage.
I think I'm gonna call it
"Back That Ass Up."
- Oh!
- Okay!
Oh, I see. That's supposed to be cute.
It is, right?
Someone save our girls.
Did I tell you guys the ProdTech team
wants to demo a new tool next week?
They're always
trying to test some new shit
just to say they're testing new shit,
but it's actually the same old shit.
Barb, look around.
We are in Harlem on a Saturday night.
- No more work talk.
- I agree.
Tonight's KPIs are fun and fucking!
So speaking of which,
I need to go see a man about a dick.
- Okay.
- Bye.
It's my girl Barb!
Barb in the house!
It's the Chihuahua in heels.
Oh, you love me.
And you still haven't
told me where you got
those boots you had on last time.
Yes, yes. I'm not going to.
You're so pretty.
You have great skin.
Do you use Vaseline?
Girl, come on.
My mom, she uses Vaseline,
and she's, like,
got great skin.
Sondi. No.
Ooh, what you sippin' on?
Can I have some?
- Oh, s what?
- Uh, here.
But be careful.
Cherise is on one tonight.
Hi, girl.
Stop trying to act
like I don't have
exactly what you need!
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
Drop it, drop it, drop it ♪
Oh, my God, wait.
We have to go to Shrine.
I need to dance.
- Yes!
- Yes. Yes.
Oh, no. If I don't take
my grown ass home
No, no, no, Barb! Come to Shrine!
- Come to Shrine!
- Come to Shrine.
Come, come, come, come, come.
I promise, you're gonna love it.
I promise.
Ooh. "Come to Shrine." Come to Shrine.
- Yes.
- "Come to Shrine."
Oh, I love it already.
Stop playing.
Oh, chérie.
Pardonnez-moi.
- Oh.
- Come on, now.
So we smoking ciggies now
and flirting with random Frenchies?
What's going on with you?
Do I need to call your mom?
Listen, I have not smoked a cigarette
since I lived abroad.
And Renee almost peed
in a bush on the way here.
Sondi's trying to make
out with your boss.
I'm not the one you
should be concerned about.
I am just trying to
blow off some steam.
So if you could just let me.
We're heading next door.
Yeah.
Whoo!
Yeah! We're going to Shrine!
How you gonna do me
Like Drogba, oh ♪
Drogba, oh ♪
Oh, oh, oh Didier Drogba, oh ♪
Ey, ey, ey Didier Drogba, oh ♪
Drogba, oh ♪
Yeah ♪
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
All right, that's it.
What's going on?
Is Amari okay?
They know.
Who knows what?
The university knows.
Just got an email.
Somebody filed a complaint.
- They saw us at the park.
- Are you sure?
I mean, it could just be a mistake.
We've been really careful.
I mean, it-it could just
What?
I got the email too.
Fuck.
Oh, thank God.
Jason!
I got Jimbo's again.
I got the munchies.
Don't judge me.
Jason?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Jason.
Nah, nah, but where were you at
when I called, though?
You ain't answer the phone.
Okay, your baby needs diapers.
Now, you know I can answer
the phone when I want to.
Why you trippin'?
Whoo-hoo!