SAS: Rogue Heroes (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

1
I'm not asking for anything
other than permission, and 60 men.
Men I will choose
according to my own criteria.
If you decide to join them,
I will join the SAS too.
Dearest Mirren, you know I love you.
I know I could make you so happy.
If you go out in this,
it will be suicide!
Who?
McGonagal, sir.
What is it about Stirling
that you dislike so much?
I invented the SAS.
He had no right to destroy it
on its first mission.
We have a second chance.
Let's see what the stars
have in store for us.
GUNFIRE
EXPLOSIONS
THEY CHEER
That's Paddy Mayne in Tamet.
And here am I
in the dark and silence in Sirte.
Well, it's not a competition, sir.
Of course it is.
Ooh, I say
Let the games begin.
Faster now, come on!
PADDY CACKLES
Sadler! Come on, catch him!
How do you like these, Paddy?
HE CHUCKLES Come on!
HE LAUGHS
BURST OF GUNFIRE
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Where the hell did you learn
to drive like that, Paddy Mayne?
Now, we will break off into four units
as before.
I'm guessing it's the same teams
as the last time
we attacked these same airstrips?
Just to keep the scoring system fair.
No.
Different teams, same team leaders
because this whole exercise,
the whole North Africa campaign
is about my team versus your team, Paddy.
Aye. Just as long as that is clear.
Gentlemen, this is a theatre of war,
not a playground
and this time, it will be different
cos now the Germans are expecting us.
Every airstrip will be on high alert.
Even more fun, Jock.
So, now, perhaps
double points for each plane destroyed?
Lewes, you will take
Almonds and Riley to Nofilia airstrip.
Fraser!
— I want no part in this idiotic game.
You will go with Lewes,
but take four men
and break off at the airstrip
to attack the airfield to the west.
And, Paddy, just as the last time
you will take Tamet
and I will take Sirte.
Round two then, sir.
Oh, yes, round two!
Can I come on your team then, sir?
Course you can, sweetheart.
You stick with Uncle Paddy.
Oh, she's a keen kitten, she is.
PADDY PURRS
And whoever destroys
the most aeroplanes tonight
will win a bottle of 20-year-old
single malt Scotch whisky!
THEY CHEER AND WHISTLE
Oh, my father's favourite.
Now, I carry it with me
in case I am fatally wounded.
Now I'm offering it as a prize
in our game.
Paddy, you've had
a lot of whisky in your time.
Nothing as good as this
considering your humble background.
Shall I stand between you two
fucking idiots like a headmaster?
Myself, I prefer a poteen
distilled in bathtubs.
But I will gladly take this piss
off your hands when I win, sir.
OK, men, check your weapons.
David.
What's this idiotic nonsense
about a game?
No commanding officer
has ever been able to control Paddy Mayne
because none of them understood him.
He will fight against me come what may,
but now
he will try to attain dominance
by destroying enemy aircraft
which is essential
if we don't want Tobruk to fall.
Yes, but is it really
clever strategy, David?
Or do you just want to win the game?
What time is it?
Two minutes to midnight.
We need to wait for the moon to set.
Let's wait here for the moon to set.
Four miles to the airstrip,
coast road's just over that ridge.
We can't risk the vehicles any further.
Fuck the moon.
There you are, sir.
Let's go.
The cheeky bastards have put up fences.
Aye, cheeky fucks.
But it'll make it more fun this time.
Paddy, we should wait
for the moon to set. They'll see us.
No. The moon is our friend.
Patience is our enemy.
And besides
those who'd see us will soon be dead.
Listen.
FAINT RUMBLE
Just as I thought,
fences and searchlights this time.
Riley I want you to read this.
Um
I'm not religious, sir.
If you're unable to read the print
the light will be sufficiently bad
for us to move.
Pass it here, Pat.
It's my favourite.
And, uh, what are you doing, sir?
We have at least 15 more minutes,
SO you read your bible
I'm going to pray in my own way.
HE CHUCKLES
My dearest Mirren.
It has been two weeks since
I sent you my letter of marriage proposal.
I'm imagining that
! haven't received your response
because of faults in the mail service.
We are now based on the planet Mars
and mail comes once every blue moon.
And speaking of the moon
every time I look at it, I think of you.
So damn corny, isn't it?
Like one of those awful Hollywood films.
SHE LAUGHS
But the moon gives me hope
that something so cold and remote
can appear beautiful.
I believe I too am considered
cold and remote by some
but I am hoping that you might also
consider me, if not beautiful
then at least dependable.
And I hope that your answer
to my proposal will be yes.
The light died just after
"thou shalt not kill," sir.
Well
I can tell you the full commandment.
It's "thou shalt not Kill
except in a very good cause."
Every day,
Hitler sends innocents to their deaths.
So we have a very good cause.
Fraser, take your men west.
We go east.
- Go well, sir.
ENGINE STARTS — Good luck, boys.
All the best, lads.
Fuck. Fuck.
German reinforcements,
heading to Agheila to join Rommel.
We can't reach Sirte airstrip
without crossing that road.
Fuck.
DISTANT CHATTER IN GERMAN
MUFFLED YELL
DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE
Only five Messerschmitts on the strip.
Meaning what?
Five is five.
Five Messerschmitts taken out of action.
British lives saved.
Yes, sir.
I only wish there were more.
I don't care about the scores
on the blackboard, none of us do.
Good.
Only monsters would keep count.
VEHICLES PASS IN DISTANCE
If that's Rommel's main relief column
there'll be no break for three hours.
There'll be a break.
German troops stay tight to prevent—-
There will be a bloody break, Sadler.
I will get a break.
I am owed a fucking break.
A wee light show for Stirling.
DOG BARKS
SOLDIER YELLS
- GUNFIRE
GUNSHO
- DOG BARKS
Bad dog.
ALARM WAILS
- GUNFIRE
EXPLOSIONS
Looks like Paddy's lit another bonfire.
GUNFIRE CONTINUES
Bravo.
What the fuck has he blown up?
Whatever it is,
I imagine there's little doubt
about the destination of
my father's favourite whisky.
THEY CHUCKLE
—- DISTANT EXPLOSION
My father would be very proud.
VEHICLES DEPART IN DISTANCE
That's it.
Road's clear, that's the last of them.
What time is it?
4:26.
Sunrise is at 4:40.
It's another 20-minute march
to Sirte airstrip.
Ah, it's too late.
Looks like Lewes and Fraser
have had some success too.
Bravo.
Bravo.
Of course, of course.
The road became clear
when it was already too late.
Or imagine a more amusing possibility
the road became clear
because it was too late.
Therein lies a crucial
philosophical distinction.
In The liad, Homer wrote
"Fate is born with us.
No man escapes it,
neither brave man nor coward."
What do you say, Sadler?
I say no one is talking
of bravery or cowardice.
Indeed.
No one is talking at all.
GUNSHOTS
KERSHAW FARTS
If you see a brown stone, lads
stay away from it.
Stirling!
Wee Johnny.
I wanna write down the scores.
Why don't you leave it alone, Paddy?
Reg. 24 plus 277?
Fifty
one.
Scare the Jerries off, that.
Whew.
Even though they took extra precautions
I think we did rather well.
Wires, dogs
wide-eyed boys notwithstanding.
What caused all the fireworks?
Five thousand gallons of aviation fuel.
Ah.
I'm not counting that in my tally.
What about you?
Who's getting the whisky?
The prize has gone, Paddy.
Some of it I drank,
the rest shot to pieces.
Decided it was a worthless gesture.
My strategy was ugly and vain
and a bottle of whisky
is not a fitting reward
for the resourcefulness and courage
you have shown
over two very dangerous assignments.
So
I'm going to recommend to GHQ
that you be awarded
the Distinguished Service Order Medal,
and that you
be promoted to the rank of Captain.
Congratulations, Captain Mayne.
The Special Air Service's
first combat medal
and first promotion.
Three cheers for Captain Paddy Mayne!
The mad bastard at Tamet strip.
Hip, hip
- Hooray!
Hip, hip
Hooray!
Now you can try wearing
the mantle of power yourself
you useless Irish cunt.
You see, you
you are the first commanding officer
that I have ever actually liked.
Hmm.
Where the hell is Lewes?
BIRDS TWITTER
Mirren?
Mirren?
SHE CHUCKLES
—- What are you doing?
I was asking my dear departed
grandmother a question.
What question?
You're being very mysterious.
- SHE LAUGHS
Where are we going?
My grandmother said yes.
So let's do it.
In the back of the car.
It's what all the young people
in America do, apparently.
Um
SHE GIGGLES
Remember
you have to pull out.
I will, my love. I will.
HE GROANS
- SHE GASPS
I love you, Mirren.
THEY GASP
HE GROANS
Oh, Lord.
What?
Quickly.
For God's sake.
- What do I do?
Like this?
- Yes.
Quicker.
HE GROANS
Goodness.
Such a lot.
HE CLEARS THROA
HE SIGHS
What?
Now you are ruined?
My dress is ruined.
Well, Mirren
when we're married, there will be no need
for strategic withdrawals.
You always resort to military terms
when you're embarrassed.
Did you hear me?
I said, when we're married.
Jock
Enemy aircraft, due south!
PLANE ENGINES WHINE IN DISTANCE
Everyone, fan out!
Watch out!
GUNFIRE
Almonds, head for the rocks!
Everyone out! Fan out!
Grab your weapons, find cover!
Get the Bren gun!
Scatter! Everybody scatter!
Go!
Get down, sir, there's another plane!
We obviously made ourselves
something of a priority.
How flattering.
Almonds, take cover!
Jim, come on!
Fuck off!
GUNFIRE
JOCK YELLS
SOLDIERS YELL
Are you hit, sir?
They're swinging back round!
Agh!
HE GROANS
Are you OK, sir?
Just head for the rocks!
I'll meet you there.
Sir, you have to run! Run!
Run Walk would be a fine thing.
PLANE ENGINE ROARS
GUNFIRE
Sir! Are you OK?
HE GROANS
HE GROANS
HE PANTS
PLANE ENGINE ROARS
GUNSHOTS
Sir!
DISTANT GUNFIRE
Sir!
HE GRUNTS
Do you need help?
HE GROANS
YELLING IN DISTANCE
We'll come and get you!
Get back behind the rock!
They're coming again!
GUNFIRE
BIRDSONG ECHOES
Jock.
In answer to your proposal, my love
I'm afraid I have to say no.
How can I marry a man who's already dead?
JOCK GRUNTS
No.
No.
No
Mirren.
HE GRUNTS
No.
I'm not dead.
I'm alive.
Mirren
HE GROANS
I'm not dead, Mirren!
BIRDSONG ECHOES
I'll be with you in a moment
Quickly as I can.
Sir! Sir, you're hurt!
Wait, I'll come to you!
No! You will not go down there,
that's a fucking order!
I will not let you die!
Stay.
Stop! Jim! Come back!
Sir, keep coming!
Almost there, darling.
There's only one vehicle.
I wonder if the Germans
have a blackboard.
Everyone alright, lads?
You alright, fellas?
Get 'em a drink.
Jock didn't make it.
What what d'you mean?
What do you mean?
What do you think I mean?
No. Where is he?
He's fucking dead.
Hey, hey!
Where is he?
He's where he fell.
You left him?
I left him on your orders!
On SAS orders!
S-A-fucking-S protocol!
You! On your fucking order!
"Do not attempt to retrieve
the bodies of the fallen
as it will impede swift execution
of the given mission," sir.
He's a bloody mess
out in the sand.
Which is where we're all
we are all gonna be,
now that Jerry's onto us.
STIRLING YELLS
I actually didn't believe
Jock Lewes was human.
Sir, put out your cigarette.
Sir, put out your cigarette!
Fuck off!
Fuck off!
He died well.
Sand.
Sand, quick.
So
only the dreamer and the madman left.
Who the fuck is gonna be
the sensible one now?
Dear Jock.
I received your letter this morning
and I danced.
I actually danced with the letter in my
hand, as if it was you I was dancing with.
Of course I will marry you, Jock.
Of course I will.
Parade!
Parade, turn!
Morning, gentlemen.
- Morning, sir.
- He said good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning, sir!
Like fucking primary school.
Relax.
Well, if this is primary school
I've had a message from the headmaster
General Auchinleck himself.
But
before I tell you what he has to say
the period of mourning for
Lieutenant Jock Lewes is over.
Cooper. Hoist the flag.
Sir!
Auchinleck expresses his astonishment
at the success
that we have achieved in such
a short space of time.
Having destroyed 90 enemy aircraft
—- COOPER GRUNTS
we have exceeded the number
destroyed by the RAF
by a factor of three.
Fuck!
Paddy Mayne's
DSO has been confirmed
and he has been promoted
to the rank of Captain.
Sir!
It's not working.
Right.
Seekings, help that poor boy now.
Fucking gladly, sir.
Fraser has been awarded
the Military Cross.
Rope snagged, is it?
- Yeah.
And I have been promoted
to the rank of Major.
Not so sure about that, Cooper.
I think it's the wheel.
It's the fucking rope, you oaf!
— STIRLING CONTINUES
Oi! Talk to me like that,
I will knock your bleedin' block off.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
— DISTANT YELLING
In the bigger picture,
against the odds
we now have the initiative
this success is in thanks, in no small part
to the work that you, the men of the SAS
have carried out.
We achieve our success
because we do things differently.
We achieve our goals in our own way.
Fuck wheels, fuck ropes.
Just tie the fucking thing!
And in recognition of
your startling successes
GHQ have awarded you all
five days' leave.
MEN CHEER AND WHISTLE
We may not be
an official regiment, but
when you make your way
to your bars and brothels in Cairo
you will all be wearing one of these.
Cap badges by Bob Tait.
The flaming sword is
the legendary sword Excalibur.
The new jump wings
were designed by Jock.
Those of you that can read
will have read the motto on our badge.
Now, Paddy, since you have
embodied the words best
I will leave it to you to say them.
PADDY CLEARS THROA
The new motto of
the Special Air Service is
"Drink rum, fight dirty
fuck the rules."
THEY LAUGH
The new motto is
"Who Dares Wins."
Who Dares Wins.
And we will continue to dare.
There are trucks on the way
to take you all to Cairo.
Wear the beret on your head
and a condom on your massive cocks.
THEY CHUCKLE
That'll be all.
Mutinous Irish cunt
requesting permission
not to travel to Cairo, sir.
"Bless 'Em All" by George Formby
They say there's a troopship
just leaving Bombay ♪
Bound for old Blighty shore ♪
Heavily laden with time expired men ♪
Bound for the land they adore ♪
There's many an airman
just finishing his time ♪
There's many a twerp signing on ♪
You'll get no promotion
this side of the ocean ♪
So cheer up, my lads, bless ‘em all ♪
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Here, lads, who ordered
the fucking ice cream cones here?
MEN JEER
So what's the white bonnet
represent then, ladies?
Are you girl scouts?
Let me see that.
- Ho-ho!
Well done to you, that, lad.
Shouldn't have done that.
What d'you think?
Which one of you lovely ladies
wants to take me to Ascot, eh?
For Ladies Day?
What?
Remember, Davey boy
even though we can't understand
a fucking word
these Scotch wankers say
they are British
and we're not allowed to kill them.
MEN YELL
OPERA MUSIC PLAYS
DISTANT PANTING
EVE GASPS
BIRD SINGS
SHE GASPS
BIRD SINGS
BIRD CONTINUES SINGING
Oh, for fuck's sake.
HE GROANS
Can't bear this thing
fucking complaining.
Fuck off.
BIRD SINGS
- Jesus.
I'm sorry.
BIRD SINGS
You're joking.
OPERA MUSIC CONTINUES
SOLDIERS YELL
What the fuck's going on, Reg?
They don't like the colour of our berets!
HIGHLANDER GROANS
Anybody else has an opinion on
our fucking headgear, please step forward.
MPs incoming!
SOLDIERS CLAMOUR
Although, I have to say,
regarding the colour of the new beret
they do have a point.
I hear your new detachment's
doing very well.
It isn't really my detachment.
It's Jock's detachment.
I suppose now it is mine.
Belongs to me and that
madman.
Here.
— Thank you.
If you don't like canaries in cages,
why did you get one?
Uh so I can set it free.
You might think I'm compassionate.
Are you not compassionate?
No. I don't think I am.
To your victories.
Oh.
Though you look like
someone who is losing.
Yes.
I am a boy playing a game
while my father watches
as he always did.
If I don't score the most tries
or make the most runs
he won't speak to me all the way home.
Just the sound of the car engine,
the windscreen wipers
and the thunderous roar of his silence.
Let's go out for a drink.
What's the rush?
No rush, I just wanna see the sunset
from the balcony of the Empire Club.
Well, I would I would, uh
rather stay here.
OK.
The truth
there is someone I want you to meet.
Oh.
— Tonight.
Top secret.
And there was me thinking
that you were with me because you liked me.
I'm trying very hard to only like you.
Come.
Eoin!
Eoin!
Your body's meat.
Your spirit's here, I think.
I was gonna read you Homer or Keats
but then I thought, fuck that.
I think I used to bore you with it
and you were just being polite.
You remember that that idiotic
Percy French song we used to sing?
I'll sing you the Percy French thing
and we'll have a laugh.
We'll cross the ditch, our leader said ♪
And take the foe in flank ♪
But yells of consternation
then arose from every rank ♪
For posted high upon a tree,
we very plainly saw ♪
Trespassers prosecuted
in accordance with the law ♪
We're foiled, exclaimed bold Slattery ♪
Here ends our grand campaign ♪
Tis merely throwing life away
to face that mearin' drain ♪
Now, I'm not as brave as lions
but I'm braver than the hen ♪
And he who fights and runs away
will live to fight again ♪
Oh, to run away, eh, Eoin?
Oh, how grand a life it would be
to be a coward.
To love life that much.
We'll sleep here tonight, I think.
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
Dear God,
I do hope this isn't your little surprise.
Oh!
No, it isn't.
He's seen us.
And he's drunk.
Stirling.
Major Stirling now, I hear.
Although I believe you personally
have achieved nothing.
I have something for you.
Seems my phantom regiment has a new ethos.
"Who Dares Wins."
Where the fuck did you get that?
Someone picked it off a barroom floor
after a brawl.
My great friend,
the Commissariat of the Cairo Police
tells me there were seven fights
resulting in injury
across the redlight district of Cairo
since 10 o'clock this morning.
Six of them involving men
wearing the SAS beret.
Yes, they are men who will not
back down if they are insulted.
Oh, I see.
And the choice of colour was deliberate?
Mr Clarke,
Eve and I are planning to have dinner.
You chose white
to provoke confrontation.
You see, my dear
there's nothing like a barroom brawl
to bring men together.
Good for company morale.
Mr Clarke, I am asking you politely.
Leave us alone.
You are a specimen.
You've achieved nothing
yet you have the audacity to
re-design my regiment's jump wings.
Thank you
for bringing the SAS into being.
Thank you for returning the beret.
Now fuck off.
You'd better get her to teach you
some French, old boy.
The French are coming your way,
and they
are the real deal.
Doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop ♪
Doo-wow! ♪
What did he mean?
French coming my way?
Let's dance.
SLOW-DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
What the fuck is this all about?
Perhaps you should ask General Auchinleck.
He just arrived.
General.
Miss Mansour, how do you do?
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Oui.
A little.
Well, uh, for business,
I'd prefer to use English.
General Auchinleck, what brings you here?
HE SCOFFS
Well, your success brings us here
and, uh, Captain Bergé's request for help.
Please, allow me.
I would not want anyone to impose upon me,
therefore I don't want to impose on you.
Right, impose what?
I have 20 of the toughest,
finest paratroopers
in the French army under my command.
They're like wild dogs on leashes,
wanting to kill Germans.
Well, we want to deploy them in the desert,
but they have to be trained.
Our chief training officer
was killed in action.
Hmm Well, we'll find somebody else.
It's all been arranged
that we are sending French paratroopers
to join you in Jalo.
Decided by who?
This was my idea.
And everything up until then
has been part of the strategy?
My first priority
is the execution of the war.
So is yours.
Although to begin with,
you would only have to spare one man.
Somebody left behind at Jalo to
train the three French in desert warfare.
But in order to deal with my wild dogs
he would have to be a very strong man.
When would this deployment begin?
AUCHINLECK CHUCKLES Good lad.
Come and have a drink.
Can we get some chairs?
Miss Mansour, please.
Now, you must tell me
all about your last few days
INDISTINCT CHATTER
INDISTINCT CHATTER
DISTANT LAUGHTER
"FUR ELISE" PLAYS ON PIANO
PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES
Did you find him?
Yep.
Paddy.
HE SIGHS
GHQ
are sending us a detachment
of French paratroopers.
We don't need any more men.
Well, it's a direct order
from Auchinleck himself.
A favour to Charles de Gaulle,
promised by Winston Churchill.
But
we would need someone to train them,
someone with experience
someone to set up a training camp.
Train them to fight in this oven
made of sand, you see.
Who?
Well
with Jock gone, there is no one else
experienced enough or tough enough.
I decided it has to be you.
So I stay in Jalo while
you continue to go out on missions?
Yes, of course,
we will continue our campaign.
So the loser finds a way to win.
You know, my old dad
Irish from both sides,
stabbed from both sides
by men like you.
Landowning gentry.
Paddy, there is no one el
He said to me about life
as a common man, he said
HE TUTS
You don't deserve my father's wisdom.
Right. Well, listen, Paddy
HE SIGHS
Sometimes, when you are in command
- PIANO MUSIC RESUMES
you need to make difficult decisions
not play the fucking piano
and go sightseeing in the desert.
We're fucked.