Shelved (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Hey, Wendy. You know, I forgot it was
"Women's Appreciation Week."
You don't have to use air quotes,
it's an actual thing.
A whole week to appreciate women?
Cool! We finally caught up to sharks.
Wendy, we should be
appreciated every day, okay?
Not just for a week or
whenever the patriarchy decides.
No, this was home office's idea,
and at this branch, it
is for women by a woman.
Bought and built this my-shelf.
Six hours, four splinters,
one awesome shelf.
Did the patriarchy
I mean, home office,
send you a book list?
No, their only instruction was
to display books representing
all of the viewpoints
of the women in our area.
- (SCOFFING) In Parkdale?
- Mm-hm!
I just heard two women on
Cowan arguing about urban tree
planning in the middle of an
argument about The Bachelor.
Preeti and Yelena are
still going on about that?
Mm-hm.
All the more reason for the shelf.
I want women here to feel
heard and appreciated.
Girls, hi! Can you actually
help me unload my car?
You probably can't
carry the heavy stuff,
so just leave that to me, right?
So appreciated.
♪
And that's why Women's
History Month in October
is a different thing than
International Women's Day
right now, okay, Bryce?
I still don't understand.
(GROANING) Because you
don't understand women.
Who does? Am I right, Howard?
(CHUCKLING) Ah, look at that, Venus.
Wonder if they mean the
goddess or the planet.
It's a lady-razor.
Anyhoo, as an equalist
(ALL GROANING)
as an equalist,
I feel that men are just
as important as women.
Has anyone thought to
ask men if they might need
a Men's Appreciation Shelf?
Well, those are at every airport ever.
They're called the
James Patterson section.
Well, I for one think that
Women's Appreciation Week
is a fine time to showcase
some female authors like
Okay. No, no, no. You're
going to rattle off some
obscure women authors that this
branch doesn't have copies of,
aren't you?
No, I wasn't, I was going to talk about
some of the ones on this
shelf, like, um, Sam Atwell.
Oh, he's a man.
Oh, um, okay. Lyndsay Salter.
Also a man.
Oh, wow. Um surely Vivian Dermay
Surely is a big dude.
What?
Are the books written by disabled women
on the other side of the shelf?
Guys, I haven't slept.
The shelf took longer than anticipated.
I lost the instructions,
and then I found them stuck to my back,
and then there were two
stick men building it together
and I'm one woman,
and so I snagged this
list off the Internet.
Anyhoo, circling back to
my very valid question,
where is the men's shelf?
Right here, apparently.
For God's sake, Bryce,
if you feel so strongly,
why don't you start a
men's appreciation shelf?
Sorry to chime in on your staff meeting.
I can appreciate that there
are three whole books about
Black women, but why is
it only about their hair?
Our library's stock is limited.
Also, an often overlooked
aspect of herstory
Just to "Yes And" Sheila,
how come there's also
only one book about Indigenous women,
and it is written by a tohtineh?
We will change that.
Yes And-ing Jaq's Yes And.
Where are the books
about women who reject
forced housing structures?
Wendy, how are you
at this staff meeting?
Well, I thought there'd be pastries.
The other branches have
already started posting pics of
their displays on the MPL
website and our branch
(GASPING)
Listen up, I'm asking you as a friend,
go and find a great inclusive
book celebrating women
and bring it to me.
(ALL GROANING)
I'm also telling you as your boss!
Strong, strong. Forceful, too.
Okay.
You'll feel this in your arms tomorrow.
(LAUGHING) It's good for
the Good for the pipes.
Hey, Big Library. Why don't
you give me a hand, won't you?
Oh, what are we doing?
Well, that talk we had earlier
at the meeting really, uh,
resonated with me, so I want to
I want to help promote equality.
Really? That's great!
Yeah. Well, I mean, we're the
only men working today, right?
Well, I mean What
I mean, well, you're part
I'm full they.
Right! Terrific.
Well, everybody's gotta chip in.
Okay, well, I am on board.
Okay.
(GASPING)
What is this?!
I took your advice, Howard,
and I created my own shelf
in protest of the lady-shelf.
Sarcastically! I was being sarcastic!
"What Roger Feels, A
White Man's Journey"
by Derek Cockburn. Classy.
Thank you.
No, no, no. Sheila,
it wasn't I prom
You have to shut this down now!
Mm-hm.
Jaq, what is this?
Oh, Wendy let a local
artist sell her work
to promote Parkdale's
Oh, flowers! It's close-ups of flowers.
I totally get it now.
I mean, yeah, but
they're also paintings
You know what?
One of these will look
so great in my office.
One of these days someone's
going to beat you to that room.
Well, today's not that day.
Another $150 in overhead saved, baby.
Come on, let me put these in my office.
Zhuzh it up a bit, what do you say?
No, no. They're for sale.
They gotta stay
displayed in the library.
I mean, if we're being technical,
my office is part of the library
and also, my client loves
art. He could purchase it.
Is that right?
Okay, well, you know, if you insist.
Um, I'll go get you a box.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Howard, what's up?
I just wanted to explain
that I was not helping Bryce
with that that Men's Appreciation Shelf.
Okay.
You could say that
from a very young age,
I was brought up on a steady
diet of feminist literature.
Mm.
And of course at Midtown,
I spearheaded and organized
the Women's Appreciation
Week guest speaker panel.
Cool.
And I'm not sure I mentioned this,
but my favourite quote of all time
is by the amazing Toni Morrison.
Yeah, you know, it goes like this. Um
"A good man is a good thing,
but there is nothing in
this world better than a good woman.
She can be your mother,
your wife, your girlfriend,
or your sister, or
someone you work next to.
Don't matter. You find one, stay there."
Although, I'm often
reminded of my favourite
Toni Morrison quote.
Oh, you've got one too.
"Be wary of those convinced
they know the plight of another.
It's often a mask used
for overcompensation."
(CHUCKLING)
Do you know that one?
- No, no.
- Oh.
You know, I must've missed
it on my Toni Morrison
quote-of-the-day calendar.
Yeah, that is her voice, though.
So strong, and so, so wise.
I (KNOCKING)
(SNAPPING FINGERS) Yeah.
Excuse me. I gotta
Interesting how quickly
you pulled that quote.
I made it up.
Sometimes it's Toni Morrison.
One time it was Dwayne
"The Rock" Johnson.
(CHUCKLING) Bitchin'. The Rock.
Toni, where are you?
Yes!
No, am I even a feminist?
Don't be ridiculous. Of course you are.
Okay! What do we have?
Howard?
Oh, um, "A Woman's
Worth" by Alex Douglas.
Double checked.
It is in fact a woman
writing about women.
Yeah, white women who
leave women of colour
from the discussion.
Didn't you read Deb Liu's rebuttal?
When was that published?
I don't know, I'm not Wikipedia.
It's okay. Room for all kinds
of points of view, right?
Jaq, what you got?
"Womyn Who Make the Devil Weep,
"A Guide to (BLEEP) Up the Patriarchy."
Oh, big language.
I'm sorry, 2017?
How did I miss this?
You cannot put an F-bomb up there.
Why not? It's a public library.
You will get public
letters. Very angry letters.
Oh no, no, no, no. I
don't like angry letters.
It gives me agita.
And we don't want that.
Okay, well, we'll just put
this one in front of it.
"Do More, Women Helping
Men" by Jackie Cartwright.
That's disgusting, Bryce.
That's some faux-feminist
bullshit right there.
Language.
Okay, clearly there are books
written by women that
discount the experience
of other groups of women.
Wow. I mean, I am shook.
I'm going to need a minute here, guys.
So the shelf goes. That's my suggestion.
Your suggestion doesn't count.
- You're right! It doesn't!
- What?
I just mean that we are
asking the wrong people!
Wendy, I adore you,
and I can see how you
think this is a good idea,
but this is not gonna end well.
You're wrong, Jaq.
This is definitely going
to have a happy ending.
(CHUCKLING)
Ladies, come fill up my box!
(ALL MUTTERING)
(IMITATING FANFARE)
Doo-doo-doo-doo! ♪
Okay.
"Has anyone seen the
top half of my dentures?"
Uh, this is just a drawing of a cat.
Okay, "I hate shelves." Next.
"There should be more books
by men for men so men can "
(GROANING)
"This display is so early '90s
and not in a cool Boyz II Men way."
"My fries were cold."
Yeah, I told you that
this wouldn't end well.
There's just no way that
a shelf can fully represent
the women of Parkdale.
Hey, the shelf is great!
It's an impossible task, Wendy.
You should probably just get rid of it.
It's Loretta.
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Oh, boy.
JAQ: Hi, Toby.
Hi.
Alvin, maybe can I talk
to you for a second?
Yeah. Uh, just make
yourself at home, okay?
Okay.
Dude, that's Toby Gill,
the youth pastor from
the church on Queen!
Dude, I know. He's my
client. What's up with you?
Well, you should maybe
know that the paintings
that you hung up in your "office,"
they're not of flowers.
They're They're They're
They're vaginas.
What?
- They're vaginas, Alvin.
- No.
A cornucopia of cooters.
Which is awesome,
but maybe not the most
appropriate pieces of art
for a youth pastor.
Oh no. Okay, we are zooming in
two admins from the church later.
Are you sure that those
paintings are of
(WHISPERING) lady parts?
Positive. I mean, didn't you see it?
No, and you knew that!
I did, and it was hilarious at the time,
but now I feel, I don't know, like,
kind of obligated to tell you, um
So, I did,
and, um, peace be with you.
Right. Okay.
LORETTA: How's it going there?
I love the photos that the
other branches are posting.
but I notice that Jameson
hasn't posted any yet.
Is everything okay there?
Yes! I was going to post a
pic of our amazing display,
but patrons keep snatching
books off of the display
and so we have to keep
replenishing the display,
and I realize I'm saying
"display" too much.
All right, all right. Just make
sure you post one before close
otherwise it's gonna look like Jameson
doesn't care about women, and
we all know if anyone cares
a little too much it's you!
Okay, bye!
Oh, beagles.
I've failed the women of Parkdale.
Okay, that one's actually not bad.
Okay, women of Parkdale,
if this is what you want
(LAUGHING)
by golly, this is what you'll get!
What the fresh fedora hell is this?
I thought this was a joke.
Oh, it's real.
It's very real. I mean,
people are into it.
I even ordered some cookies
here to promote the shelf.
Why would you order cookies?
(LAUGHING) Yes!
Where did you get these?
Hold the box up. I need a pic.
How? I ordered "men's cookies"
from that bakery on Dufferin,
and they asked me am I okay
with peanuts and I said,
"Yeah, sure, I love peanuts."
Lil' Sugar?! They specialize
in bachelorette parties, dummy!
You didn't order peanut
cookies, you got penis cookies.
Oh, this is so good.
It's not my fault!
That lady had an accent.
Stop.
Hey, can I get one or four?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Ma'am, these were not meant
The shelf goes, Bryce.
No, no, no! Owen and I have
been working all morning on this.
Owen, Owen, Owen! Tell
her, tell her. Owen, Owen!
Well, then you wasted your whole life,
because this shelf
is the most tone-deaf,
dumbest display I have ever seen!
Bryce, you've got three
books about bow hunting!
Only three books on bow hunting!
(SHUSHING) Would you two knock it off!?
Patrons are staring! This is a library!
- Oh, is it? Is it?
- Oh, this is a library.
Come on, synchronized sarcasm? Charming.
Your shelf sucks, Bryce. Eat a (BLEEP).
Yup.
Great advice. These cookies are stellar.
Yeah, so, I have done a budget breakdown
for the new youth program.
Mm-hm. Alvin is great.
A man of the community
with a good business sense
and moral compass.
And what a nice office.
- (ALVIN CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
- Wow.
Look at the art.
PRIEST: Is that a bird of paradise?
Uh-huh. Sure. Sure.
So, if you would focus on the
section of the business plan
that actually, um
Can you move the computer a little bit?
Ah! We lost them.
You know what? We should move to
a different part of the office.
Maybe that corner can get
a better signal, you know?
Sophisticated brushstrokes.
Thank you!
I picked them out myself.
Picked! (LAUGHING)
Because flowers.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
That's clever.
Oh, wow.
All right! We did it!
Okay! Look at that. It's perfect.
Uh, Wendy?
Yes.
Did you take every book
suggested book out of the box?
Yes, I did, except I ignored
the staff's suggestions
who clearly did not
take this task seriously.
"The Old Cat and the Sea"
by Purrnest Hemingway,
might be a real book. You don't know.
Uh-huh.
Just calling Loretta.
(PHONE DIALING, RINGING)
- Hey, Wen
- Loretta, hi! Take a look!
It's fantastic, isn't it?
It's intersectional and inclusive
and diverse and it represents
all of the women in Parkdale!
Wow.
Hey, have you got the book by
my fave female poet River Wave?
Oh, it's, uh
Oh, it's right here!
- (GASPING)
- Oh, no, no, no, no!
What happened?!
- What happened?!
- It's fine!
LORETTA: Should I call someone?
Are you okay?
No, it's fine! Everything's fine!
(BRYCE CLEARING THROAT)
No offense, ladies,
but the shelf assembly
- instructions had a picture of two stick men.
- No.
UNHOUSED WENDY: I will.
I will speak my truth.
So, Sheila just told me
about the shelf collapsing.
Ever-sweet, that woman, but
the whole "celebrating women
for a week" thing is ridiculous.
There aren't enough
shelves to hold everything
that women have to carry.
That's why I travel light.
Mm-hm.
It was an impossible task. I warned her.
Didn't you tell Wendy
that a woman should be
appreciated every day?
Yeah. Every day.
Then why aren't you appreciating
and supporting Wendy today?
Her heart was in the
right place. Always is.
I know, but it It
was just It's a week.
(SIGHING) I was being laterally violent.
Mm, well, I don't know what that means,
but I think I made my point.
And you know, you really
stepped this budget out.
You were saying?
It's a really exciting project
with interesting wrinkles.
I'm sorry, are those paintings of
Gosh, no. No, they're flowers.
They're totally flowers.
Oh, I can see it. I can
really see it. Oh, wow.
I am so sorry, I didn't
realize when I put it up
that they were that.
Oh. Wow. Oh. Oh, wow.
You know what? No, no, no, no, uh!
We can move somewhere else.
Perhaps a table in the library?
Yeah, yeah. Okay, because I
Oh, no. I can't unsee it.
I, uh, have to
"Mm, look at us, we're
the Midtown branch,
our shelves defy gravity."
(KNOCKING) Hey, Wendy, you okay?
The other branches make it look so easy,
their oodles of books, and tidy shelves,
and their bigger budgets.
What did I do wrong?
No, Wendy, you did everything right.
Those other branches in
other parts of the city
service a different type of patron.
UNHOUSED WENDY: Yeah, she means rich,
snobby, elitist,
go to brunch type mother
SHEILA: Wendy, Wendy.
Oh, I'm sorry, I get worked up.
What we all know is
that Jameson is unique.
It's a mix of so many different
kinds of women and experiences.
JAQ: Yeah, the woman
who sees her stories
reflected back at her.
SHEILA: The woman
who's new to the country
and needs a reliable
place for information.
WOMAN: The woman who just
needs a safe place to nap.
The woman who needs a
quiet washroom to read
and a steady supply of soap.
You know, it's exhausting not
always having the resources
or the right answers,
but this library does help
the women in this area.
And I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive.
Thanks, Jaq.
Wait, Wendy, you've been
stealing all the washroom soap?!
Sweet Chihuahua, that
stuff is expensive!
Oh, I know.
It gets me a pretty
penny on the streets.
I hope this isn't going
to take long, Big Library.
I got a lot to do today.
No, it won't take long. Just, here.
Look at this shelf.
All of the authors are male,
and there's shelves like
this all over the library.
Mm-hm.
Okay. Well, what I'm
trying to illustrate is that
men's voices have had
the means to be published
since the beginning of time,
women's voices have not.
Hm.
So, historically there's
a bias, wouldn't you say?
Well, that's because historically
all the great achievements
have been by us.
- (CHUCKLING)
- Ow.
Ow. No, Bryce, the
staff is upset with you.
You brought penis cookies to work.
Your shelf has had its day.
It's time to take it down.
I just feel like it's
unfair that women can be
proud to be women,
but I can't be proud to be a man.
Be proud, man. No one's
telling you not to be proud.
I mean, I'm proud, you should be proud.
We're a couple of proud boys.
(STAMMERING)
I'm hearing it now.
Don't ever repeat that.
But look, be proud,
just don't do it by
taking up space from women.
Fine, I'll take it down.
Good.
And I guess you could say I just had
a come to Lady Jesus moment.
I'm tapped out. Tapped out.
Just joking, real Jesus.
It's fixed!
Did you all do this?
We did.
Bryce here even reinforced it.
You're welcome, female equals.
Wow. I have the best staff.
This is supporting
and appreciating women.
Our shelf died a sad death
and you all brought it back to life
like a phoenix rising from the
JAQ: Please don't make it weird.
If you make it weird,
I'll knock over the shelf.
(CHUCKLING) Good luck with that.
I used double-threaded lag
bolts on this she-wolf here.
You could hump a hippo on that.
Why would there be a hippo in a library?
Shady.
But if they were going
to hump on anything,
why would it be the shelf?
Thing you need to understand
about hippos, Sheila
Okay, anyways, there's an open
spot on the shelf for you to
put your favourite book,
which I already know.
And Still I Rise.
JAQ: Please don't cry.
Oh, I'm not. It's shelf dust.
I still can't see it.
If you just un-focus your
eyes, and look past it,
and then back at it.
Maybe it's upside down?
I'm sorry, guys.
- This is beginning to feel extremely weird.
- Oh.
HOWARD: Yeah. There it
is. Take that home with ya.
- (COMPUTER DINGING)
- Very nice!
Yeah.
- Let's go home.
- Yeah.
JAQ: It'll be so
good to get home ♪
- (CRASHING)
- (GASPING)
- I'm tired.
- So tired.
We've done enough.
We'll fix it tomorrow.
Yeah. Good.
MAN: You happy now?