Small Town, Big Story (2025) s01e04 Episode Script

1
"Hi, it's Wendy
leave a message, or don't."
"Thank you."
"Why did you do that, Wendy?"
"I mean what the shitting hell?"
"I did what you wanted, I confessed
I told everyone and you"
"you made me look like
a crazy person."
"Do you have any idea
how awful that feels?"
"To have your own friends
look at you like that."
"Rotten, it feels rotten, Wendy."
"You're a very mean person."
- Oh!
- Oh! There's our little space man.
How's the gravity treating you, Da?
Better than the bloody hangover.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to let you
sleep on or phone the CIA.
Yesterday was mad
what with Joanne going missing
and getting half concussed
by Betty Battles
who knows what any of us
were saying at the end of it.
Well, we know
because the videos and whatnot.
Yeah, the videos were you say
fairly clearly, that
you were abducted by aliens.
My big mouth.
What a night though.
- Who took the video?
- There's no video, Da.
I wish.
Here she is now
the tattooed lady.
Literally my first tattoo.
- Was it painful, Jo-Jo?
- Literally my last tattoo.
Insane to me how people allow
this pain to happen on their faces.
- Yeah, well most don't get any.
- Well, it's done now.
Look, I like the intention
the rebellion
I'm just not too sure
about the subject matter.
- Don't you like my name?
- No, I do, but
I also liked having my own.
I mean, Proctor.
It sounds like
a rectal probe, doesn't it?
Great, thanks Mammy.
Well, I'd better go
the day won't live itself.
Good for you, I thought
you'd spend the day in hiding.
I know I would, the week.
Good one.
It's ok, Daddy
everyone says stupid things in the pub
- that's what they're for.
- Aye.
You meant it though, last night.
Aye.
I mean he has sex with his mother now
that's quite a big character adjustment.
Yeah, well
how exciting for him.
I mean isn't that
what good actors do
- they adjust their characters?
- Yeah, that's what good actors do.
"Wendy, look, the studio's worried"
that casting an unknown
in the lead role is risky as shit.
"And you know what
they're right."
But his co-star's a legend
in the indie movie world.
Yeah, maybe 20 years ago
she was.
Big Jim is a formidable
screen presence
and a positive local news
story for the launch.
Audiences need profile or passion
you know the old movie rule.
- Give me a face or
- Give me a dick.
And if I learned anything from season two
of Anne Boleyn, The Single Years
it's that if you show an audience a corset
they expect to see some intercourse.
Your writer
the esteemed Jack E. McCarthy
"seems more than happy
with the new change in direction."
Yeah, that was surprising
he's playing very loosey-goosy
with his own book.
Well maybe he trusts
our instincts on drama.
Is he aware that our biggest show last
season was Catfishing with Cleopatra?
Hey, it's history with a twist
right, that's the ID of our USP.
Has the actor even been
informed of the new direction?
Ah, well that's where a
good producer comes in
- "however, if you're out of your depth"
- Got it, Brad.
Isn't your writer arriving shortly?
I'm sure he can walk him
through the changes
"if you're not feeling up to it."
Oh, fucking piss off.
- Excuse me! Hey!
- Piss off you
- Pig eared prick!
- What did you?
Yeah, go suck those liver treats
yeah suck it.
Liver treats?
Sorry Brad not for you
dogs, you're not a pig eared prick.
- Thanks Wendy.
- "I'll call you back."
Sorry. I see you've learned
the magic trick.
Food?
Yeah, real fucking magic.
- That was a wild night last night.
- Yeah.
In my line of work, I meet people
who are willing to say all kinds of shite
given an audience, usually me
but I have to admit
Dr. Proctor
never struck me as a liar.
He has his moments.
I'll leave you to it.
Enjoy your smoke and if you need more
you know where to find me.
Shelly?
For what it's worth
you're not wrong about the doctor
keep trusting your gut
you'll need it.
Right. Ok, I mean I knew you
were well travelled but wow.
"Colonel!
Sanders!"
"Let's get you home
you pig eared prick."
All you had to do was say yes
everything you said about being
abducted by aliens was correct.
My family don't know what to think.
There's a new look
in my wife's eyes
that can only be described as shame
or amusement
which is hard to take
given all she usually
gives me is indifference.
Call me.
I've heard he's much taller in person
the inelegant prick.
Mr. McCarthy?
Welcome.
- Thank you, what's your name?
- Jules.
- Jill?
- Jules.
Jules?
Sorry, sorry.
Very fancy.
I shall call you Sparkles.
Sparkles, would you mind holding
onto my case while I go for a wizz?
The plane was awash
with artisanal gin.
Sorry to disturb you, Ms. Proctor.
I seem to have ran out of chalk
I don't suppose I could
Look at this shit.
I mean it's kind of funny, no?
Jane Henderson told me
her homework's been abducted by aliens.
Mad how quickly a drunken story
can spread in this town.
Exactly, but Seamus
doesn't even drink, anymore.
This is getting embarrassing.
Maybe you guys should try like
marriage therapy or something.
Doesn't feel like
you're in the mood for my funny quips.
Maybe not right now.
Are you in the mood
for anything else?
Oh, just
text me later, Matt.
Yeah, we've had
a few cancelations I'm afraid.
- So, I see.
- I doubt it has anything to do with your
- No, me neither
- Alien abduction revelation.
- Ok then.
- Hey
but since it's so quiet
why don't we head to the pub for lunch?
No, you go ahead.
Wouldn't want to get in the way
of you flirting with Shelly.
Who's flirting with Shelly?
No, you go on
I'll watch the phones.
Not that anyone's calling.
Someone did actually call earlier
oh said they had
like a pain in their chest
- I think I made a note.
- Oh yeah?
What a tightness or palpitations?
No, it didn't go away for a while
so they lay flat on a table to relieve
the pain and then, from nowhere
a terrifying baby alien exploded out
of their chest and then ran away.
- Sounds painful.
- Referred by Dr. Ripley.
- Star Wars?
- Alien.
Alien.
Good one.
Oh fuck.
Sorry! I just took a bit
out of another plastic apple!
That's fine. We can cut away
before he makes that stupid face.
Cut!
Sorry, Zak.
It tastes alright.
Ridiculous, yeah.
Oh, I'm, I'm so sorry
about that, Zak.
Yes, but you said that last time.
You see changes with script?
Oh yeah no, I, I saw the new script
with different colors
I just assumed that somebody
in the office got a bit bored.
- You sleep with mother now, yeah?
- What, sorry?
You have met the actress
who plays your mother?
No, I, I've not actually met
Miss Rowlands yet
but I grew up watching her on TV
I just think she's going
to make a brilliant Brigid.
"Yeah, right over here."
Here we are, it's just this way
quite a bit of mud there.
Ok just here.
Sorry to interrupt but can I just quickly
introduce you to Jemima Rowlands?
Oh you're not
anti-smoking, are you?
Hello there, no, no, no, no.
Smoke your little heart out.
I just
Oh!
I just can't believe
I'm actually meeting you in the flesh
or that I'm playing your son, like.
About that, Big Jim
You are a big fellow, aren't you?
Has someone talked you
through the script changes?
It's nothing major
just a little massaging
there was some concern
on the studio's side
that the story was getting a little domestic
not all your fault.
So, we've just added a little heat
here and there, easy fix.
Cool, yeah cool, cool
yeah cool, cool, cool.
Oh, in relation to the dynamic
between your character, An Dagda
and the goddess, Brigid.
His mother, yeah.
- Well
- We fuck now.
- Each other?
- You sleep with mother now, yeah?
One second, Zak.
- Jim
- Big Jim.
The writer's on route to set and will happily
talk you through any of the massaging.
Yeah, plenty of massaging.
Can we get An Dagda
ready for a take please?
Shooting in two!
So, so not your son, then?
Son with benefits, maybe.
"Patrick Kavanagh country
out here of course"
stoney grey soil, stoney grey sky
stoney grey faces.
You can certainly understand
why he didn't write any musical, huh?
Yes.
I, I have to ask you
about your luggage.
Do you indeed?
Are you a fan of Japan?
Cats?
Both huh?
Due to budget cuts our friends at customs
and excise only have time
to check one out of every 46 suitcases
for illegal contraband
one in 46.
They say it's random but it's not.
A lad at Heathrow told me that they check
the most suspicious suitcases
as one would
so the question then becomes
if you only have time to check one
out of every 46 suitcases for ecstasy
would you pick that one?
"Boogie-woogie
all night long."
I don't think
it's your appendix now.
What level of discomfort
are you experiencing?
Well this experience
is about a four.
I wasn't asking for a Yelp review.
But I must admit
four is disappointing.
But what you experienced
seems like an 11 doc.
Can you give me
something for that?
I thought you wanted
something for the pain.
I just want whatever you're on.
Now what was it?
LSD, Peyote
or did you just find a cheeky
wee patch of 'shrooms?
- Two paracetamol?
- Thanks for your business, Niall.
Well maybe I will
write a Yelp review.
One Yelp
that's all I'm giving you.
One Yelp, I treated you
for chicken pox, twice!
I thought you said
we had cancellations?
And folks just kept turning up
I don't even think they're sick.
Are there any messages?
I'm waiting for someone
to return a call.
Yeah, someone called and
asked you to phone them at home.
Did you get a number?
No, they just said phone home.
GP phone home.
This is why
this is why I lied for all those years
to avoid this exact situation.
This is my worst nightmare.
I'm the town joke
because of you.
- Hoo-hoo!
- Jack!
- Wendy, darling.
- Darling?
From the great Peter Pan
Wendy Darling.
Of course, yes.
It is so nice to finally meet you in person
I'm a big fan of your work.
Well, I am also
a big fan of your work.
Really?
You know my work?
I know that you bought my book
and that just screams smart cookie to me.
The page has legs.
All that straw!
A quick reminder that all the food
in here is non-edible.
- Copy that.
- I love the script changes.
Well, I love that
you love the script changes.
Personally I always felt that
being the mother of the God of Agriculture
there was a believability concern
at best, age wise.
- Totally.
- Lamb dressed as mutton, Jemima.
I mean we're talking about
the star of We Did It On The Tube here.
Yeah, and now your relationship
is less of a typical maternal, blah blah.
- Yawn.
- And yes, the new pages do include
a couple of rather intimate scenes.
Orgasmic unison, yeah
that's that's full on intimate.
But what is intimacy really?
I watch pornography ad nauseam
ad fucking nauseam but I see no intimacy
only contempt and is it any wonder
we have to dredge through our listless lives
forever burdened
by losing our one true love
before we've even learnt how to love?
- You mean like our mothers?
- Bingo.
If we're going down that route
I should say that I got some wonderful
notices for a production I did of Oedipus Rex
at the National in 2008, it was with
Oh, one of the Spiderman boys.
Oh! Well, I, I'm not looking to pursue
incest per se
I, I'd like the romance to feel
nascent yet ancient, like primitive foreplay.
We use this table for the sex.
A banquet of lust, I love it, Zak!
You cheeky little pervert.
Banquet of lust
is that historically accurate, yeah?
I suppose we'll find out!
Dad, Barry Battles is here.
Look, he doesn't have
an appointment but
Tell him to feck off.
- Hiya Barry.
- Hiya Seamie
that's some crowd
in your waiting room.
I think I saw a Tardis in there.
Might be looking
for the wrong doctor.
- What's up, Barry?
- Bad news.
After prolonged talks, the committee
to bring filming to Drumban
have opted to let you go.
But that's good news, because
I resigned from it, happily, remember?
- I fought for you, Seamie.
- I wish you hadn't, Barry.
But the tide of committee opinion
has turned after your outburst.
How are you feeling, Seamie?
A bit weird since you put
your hand on my shoulder, Barry.
No need to reply right now
I just wanted to say hi.
- Hi Barry.
- I think that's for texts.
Come on da fuck you dumb yoke!
Are you having suicidal troughs?
- Wait, what's a suicidal trough?
- Thoughts?
Oh aye, that's it.
Are you, having suicidal thoughts?
Well not yet, but the day is young.
Or feelings of shelf-loathing, no?
Barry, I've a room full of patients here
and this going really badly.
So, if you don't mind
What do you value in your life?
Closed doors.
So?
What are you going to do?
Are you going
to keep hiding in here
or should I just send
the waiting room away home?
Start sending them in, Sonny.
Dr. Proctor leaves
no sick patient behind.
They're not sick, I think
they just want to ask you about aliens.
Right well, when a healthy person
wants to ask about aliens
Dr. Proctor has the answers.
Well, that's hard to say, Rory.
Just give me
your best assessment, Doctor.
Well, I'd say the spaceship
was about the size of
a single story home, give or take.
- Like a bungalow?
- A bungalow, exactly.
And this was on the night
of the Millenium, Doctor?
Yep, on the stroke of midnight
I suppose that makes me the Cinderella
of alien abductions.
The funny thing is, Wendy
I think you've actually
done me a favor.
I've kept this secret for so long
and now it's like this huge weight
has been lifted.
So, when you say bungalow
do you mean a traditional two bed
or are we talking conservatory, Seamie?
No, classic bungalow
but from space.
No extension?
No attic conversion?
Just bog
standard bungalow?
Well, it's hard to call it bog standard
when you're talking about
a flying craft from an alien world but
yeah, bog standard bungalow.
So then do you think
we're the more advanced species
since we have stairs?
What was I afraid of
all these years?
Why'd I keep it bottled up?
I thought you'd ruined my life but
you know maybe this is a good thing.
Maybe it's a great thing.
"I feel less trapped
by secrets and shame."
I feel free because of you
and that's why I wanted
to leave you a message, Wendy
to say thank you.
"Thank you."
Fuck off!
Bloody telemarketers.
Need a coffee, boss?
Excuse me, Wendy, is there a scene
I'm missing involving a medieval gimp?
That's Connor from VFX
he's the physical stand in for An Dobhar-chu
- the water hound.
- Oh, got you.
Looking good, Hound Dog!
Thanks, you are?
- This is our esteemed writer.
- Jack E. McCarthy.
Feeling under dressed now.
- Nice to meet you, Jackie.
- No, no, Jack E.
The E stands for Eddie.
Is it the first day, is it?
Well, I've been in training
for six months so not exactly.
- In training?
- To replicate the movement
of the water hound
in a realistic way.
But isn't it mythical?
I'm missing your point.
How do you replicate the movement
of something that didn't exist?
And where do you think
King Kong lived and worked?
Feels like he was fond of New York.
Keep your eyes on the VFX monitors.
Playback please!
Oh, there he goes now.
Oh, you'd have to have
the right knees for that.
Oh, nimble little fella.
Cut!
The studio wants
a merchandise tie in
for kids so we're hoping
that Connor's going to bring it to life.
How exciting for life.
And, as executive producers
you and I will obviously get a cut
of the merchandise sales.
How exciting for us.
I fucking dig it, Connor!
You're like a
flexible wee ferret.
That's
one of my inspiration creatures.
Oh, tried and tested process.
I also used
as a physical blueprint
Clifford the Big Red Dog
and the lower body for George
in Peppa Pig
cheats at school sports day.
Missed that one.
But can I just say, Connor
I think that you should go full method
you know sleeping in the woods
catching perch
that type of commitment
really elevates a performance.
- Yeah?
- I heard Andy Serkis
moved into the London Zoo
to prepare for Planet of the Apes.
Yeah, yeah.
Shel, how's that pint coming?
Well, it's either half full
or half empty
depending on how
optimistic you're feeling.
Regardless of optimism
my pint should be getting VIP treatment.
Sure this place would still be half dead
if it wasn't for me self
and the legendary committee.
Oh, it's busy as fuck alright.
We brought the mountain to Mohammed
and we'll keep bringing it.
But now Mohammed would like a pint.
I don't think
he was much of a drinker.
Not with this sort of service.
All done, just need a signature.
- Where you going now?
- Da has to sign it
it's still his name
over the fecking door.
Well, my optimism is waning.
Dad?
- It's really busy downstairs.
- Yep, I know.
- I can hear.
- I need your autograph again.
Those groupies of yours
are relentless.
Shall I close the door behind me?
That's the way they work.
There's talk of a beast.
They whisper the name Dobhar-chu.
- Do you believe it, An Dagda?
- Believe?
What does it matter
what we believe
An Dagda will hunt it
and it will be real.
An Dagda will find it
and An Dagda will tame it.
Ok, we start kiss
by horse chair here
then you clean her feet to here.
Oh, I think he wants you
to sweep me off my feet.
- Got yours, aye.
- Then more kiss kiss on table
- as camera moves around to see
- Momma on the loose!
Got you.
In terms of the
The, the, the physicality.
The physicality, right
and the, the nudity and whatnot.
Right so normally we would have
an intimacy coordinator on set
that would deal
with any of the actor's discomfort
but because we didn't know
that this relationship was of this nature
Fresh.
- We didn't hire anyone
- It'll, it'll be fine
we're all big boys and girls.
Yeah, no sure it'll be grand.
It's all make believe anyway, isn't it?
It's
It's fun.
It's fun stuff.
- Ok, are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm just, I'm just happy to be here.
My old pal, Allie de Botton
used to say that intimacy is the capacity
to be rather weird with someone
and to find out that that's ok with them.
To be weird?
Get freaky An Dagda unleash the power
of the God of Fertility and Agriculture.
Got you.
- Will do.
- He's no fucking Brando.
And be super sexy, yeah?
Hey thingy, pause music.
Stop music.
Volume zero.
Halt music.
Stop the music.
What are you doing?
I haven't made my pizzas in ages.
What is going on with you?
What, am I getting a wellness check?
They're just fecking pizzas.
Why are you telling everyone
you got abducted by aliens?
Because it's true, Catherine.
I mean, look, it was funny
at the start, you know
but now it's just
all getting a bit weird.
I mean are you saying it
just to get some attention?
Why would I want attention?
I just want to be honest now
because it's been making me sick.
My guts are in bits
for years it's made me physically sick.
Do you know what it's like to have to lie
about something day and day out
all the secrecy and the shame
and now it's out of me
- like a tumor or a cancerous cyst.
- Will you just stop?
You're making it sound like
some miraculous breakthrough
when actually you've just been
going around the town
telling everyone that you and Wendy
what's-her-face
are the new Mork and fucking Mindy
and she doesn't even know
what you're talking about.
Why does that matter?
Because you're a laughing stock.
Did you hear the one
about the doctor who got abducted?
Like that's you.
You might need a punchline for that.
No, you are the punchline.
I mean do you actually think
anyone really believes you?
Of course they believe me
why wouldn't they?
I've gone into great detail.
Detail, that will convince them.
You know, you don't want to be too vague
about your alien abduction.
- They do believe me.
- Aye.
I'm the town doctor for God's sake.
Why wouldn't they believe me?
I have tamed
the wild weathered storms
given life
now I must take leave
from the cold.
The fires may warm your fair skin
but what of your insides?
Oh!
Oh! We dust followed
the wilderness Tim.
What was that, Brigid?
Oh! We must allow
the wilderness in.
Moooooo!
Is he
I'm, I'm sorry is he being a cow?
Moooooo!
- Cut!
- Sorry, just went with an impulse.
Should I also incorporate
some animal work?
I've done six productions of Equus.
Oh, that's far too much Equus.
Could I take five?
I think I've overdone
the protein shakes.
Take five.
Please take five.
Anyone from make-up
good with beard rash?
"Oh, yeah, yeah."
Oh, it's really crunchy.
Sorry love
they got a little over-crisped.
Oh, the health board called.
- The health board?
- Yeah
Oh, let me guess
was this Dr. Klingon
and the Men in Black
health board by any chance?
No, the medical health board.
- What do they want?
- Just to talk to Dad.
It's probably nothing.
Oh yeah, I mean I'm sure
they're grand about one of their GPs
telling their patients that they got
sucked up into a flying saucer.
Your mother thinks
that no one believes me
that they're all mocking me
behind my back.
Do you believe me?
We believe that you believe
That you saw something
that you believe.
I'm convinced.
You want proof, is it?
Well, well I mean
we wouldn't say no.
I suppose I thought my word was enough
but if it's hard evidence you're requiring
then maybe you're a man
of science after all.
So, is he going to come back
with a little alien or something?
Here's hoping.
See, I couldn't play the trombone before
and now I can.
The, the aliens taught you
how to play the trombone?
How long were you up there?
Yeah, Seamus, how long did you
attend this intergalactic music camp?
It wasn't a music camp.
Don't you see
they gave me the knowledge.
I didn't know it at the time but
afterwards I had an uncontrollable urge
to play this instrument.
Without ever picking one up before
I just knew I could play it.
How's that for proof?
It's looking really cool on camera.
What?
My fucking mooing?
Is there anything
that I can do to help?
Look, I know it's awkward, right
I know it is
but you have to ask her
to stop licking my ears.
Licking your ears?
Look, I'm not a prude or anything
but when she licks
that far down my earhole
I can't hear the fucking dialogue.
So, you want me to ask Jemima Rowlands
to stop licking into your earholes?
I'm missing my cues, man.
Well can't you kind of bob and weave
when you see her tongue coming at you?
She's so fast for her age.
It's all the Pilates.
Sorry, I was just
Could you leave us
for a moment, please?
I absolutely can.
James, I'm going to give you
the same advice I gave to Toby Garfield
or Andrew Maguire
or whatever the fuck his name is
- Ms. Rowlands
- Stick with it, dipshit.
Jemima, I've not been totally
straight with you.
- Are you gay?
- No, no
The truth is I'm married.
James
I've been married four times
we're actors, we're not really
going to, to intercourse.
Of course, I know that but my wife
she gets really jealous
and it's all making me feel
a little fucking weird.
- Your wife's not here, James.
- No, I know, she's in prison.
- Your wife is in prison?
- Yeah, and she's going to see it eventually
and I don't know
how she's going to react
and this whole love scene thing
is a little like new to us both.
Sorry, why is your wife in prison?
Yeah, she stabbed a banker
with a spork in Pret a Manger.
Ok right.
No, no, he's fine, he's fine.
Thieving fucker
ripped her Dad's pension
but she got 18 months for it
and she's struggling, you know
and we had fertility issues
and she's no time
to see her surrogate
she's in Mountjoy
and her wee girl is inside my sister
and I'm just feeling a little untethered.
- You know?
- So
- at home your sister is growing your baby?
- Yeah.
And at work
you're having sex with your mother.
Yeah, and I'm a Scorpio.
Oh!
This studio, they turned me down for
the lead part in Catfishing with Cleopatra
for age reasons
and then they offer me
the mother role in this
and that does something
to your head, you know?
- Yeah.
- Sorry if I was coming on a bit strong.
Oh, by the way
they're fucking idiots
there is not a man alive
that would not cut off his right ear
to have those lips on his neck.
Thanks, Big Jim.
I needed to hear that.
Wow.
I don't think I'm ever going to get used
to being kissed by Jemima fucking Rowlands.
Freaky as fuck.
Four pints, three ciders
and two wee chasers, Shel
and fuck it
we'll take a pot of tea as well.
I mean how is that proof?
It's like playing tennis
and saying it proves that you shot JFK.
Well for what it's worth
I believe your Da.
No way did he shoot JFK.
I don't get it
what does he want?
Same as what every Dad wants
I suppose.
To be mysterious enough
that nobody interrupts their time
playing fucking computer games.
- What else is he bullshitting about?
- What?
- I can't hear you.
- Oh no worries, I can just talk louder!
You know what might be even better?
- You could give me a fucking hand.
- Oh, oh right sure
- yeah, no like pulling pints?
- No, like put this on and bus tables.
Why have you been avoiding me?
And why'd you Judas me in the pub?
Why are you holding a trombone?
We're filming.
I've been able to play
ever since that night.
Don't know how or why, this is
what I am now Wendy, a tromboner.
What was that?
I just agreed with you in Aramaic.
I am fluent in a language that hasn't
been popular for 1,000 years
and I have no idea why either.
What the fuck?
And that smell, what was it?
- A mixture of burnt hair and
- Banana bread?
Exactly that.
I can't touch the stuff now.
I always wonder what happened
to that alpaca, poor bastard.
It can't just be us, Wendy
there must be others.
Oh fuck, Seamie
I could hardly handle the two of us.
I'm done in Drumban
I have a few days left
of shooting and then I'm out of here.
I'm sorry if you feel alone
or lost at sea
that's what happens
when you build a fucking canoe.
Aye.
So that's you away then?
Back to your fancy parties
and drinks dos?
That is not my life.
"Martinis up."
That is our last shot of the day.
They need me.
They're not alone.
Seamie wait
It doesn't feel right
just going off without
What?
Go on, just say it
say it.
Seamie, I'm pretty sure
your wife is cheating on you.
Jesus, Wendy
can't you give it a rest?
How much revenge
can one woman take?
- This is not revenge.
- You're leaving
you got what you wanted.
There's no need to wreck my head
on your way out the door.
Well, I'm not lying,
I've simply grown an aversion
to people being left in the dark.
I didn't want you to look foolish.
Well you should've stayed
in fucking America then.
Yeah, I probably should have.
Sonny?
Safe home now.
Fecking doggers.