Smiling Friends (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

1 How would you define horror? If today's people put down their newfangled gizmos and gadgets for a brief moment, they probably start rambling on about nonsense like wars, plagues, and terrorist attacks.
What they would neglect to mention are the actual horrors of reality, like witches, ghouls, and alien saucers.
However, after tonight, you can add something else to that list The primal, disturbing horror of the unknown.
Charlie, what are you supposed to be? He doesn't want to dress up as anything.
Listen, I-I've seen way too many people get their careers ruined over all the Halloween costumes, I'm not doing it.
Why don't you just put on some face paint and be a zombie or something? Dude, face paint gets people in way more trouble than anything else.
I mean, I have no idea what's going to be offensive in 10 years.
Oh, come on, Charlie, where's your Halloween spirit? When you put on a costume, you can be anything! Pim, that's insane.
Could regular Pim be the sharpest gunslinger in the West? You're not gonna hit that, man.
You need to pick those up when you're done.
Don't leave them all over the floor.
I'm like 100% positive.
You're not gonna hit that.
Okay, you actually hit it.
Aah! Oh, my God, Alan, I'm so sorry.
What the, Pim? I thought this was safe, Alan.
I really didn't know it could do that.
It's fine.
Just no more guns inside, okay? We're done with the gun stuff, Everyone, I have some bad news.
Halloween is canceled.
Yep, we're all out of firewood, and it's just not the same without a big Halloween fire pit.
If only someone could wrangle up some firewood.
Oh, well.
Oh, I could wrangle up some firewood.
Oh, Pim, that's wonderful! Follow me.
I'll show you where the good stuff is.
All right.
Uh, see those woods over there? Yeah.
So I usually just go in there and pick some crap off the floor and - Oh, okay.
- What? Oh, I was just saying okay.
Oh, yeah, it's all good.
It's all good.
Uh, but anyway, yeah, it's usually a little bit sparse this time of year, but if you look hard enough, you should be able to find something.
Uh, yeah, that sounds pretty easy.
I should be able to do that.
Wait! One more thing.
Whatever you do, don't go beyond the rickety bridge.
Why not? Because you'll get lost! Oh, thank you, Mr.
Bird.
Mwah! These twigs are nice and all, but I wish I had something with a bit more girth.
Oh, that's more like it! What did the boss say about that rickety bridge again? Don't go beyond the rickety bridge.
You'll get lost! The boss did say not to go beyond the rickety bridge, but all the good firewood is there.
Hmm.
This truly is a cowboy's dilemma.
If I just mark the trees like a true pioneer, I'll be able to find my way back, no problem.
Well, a cowboy's gotta do what a cowboy's gotta do.
Uh, all right, that's about all I can carry.
I should probably get back to the office anyway.
It's getting late.
Ah, what the Ah, no, no, no, no! No! Oh, fudge.
I-I'll just stay here till the rain dies down.
Everything Everything's gonna be fine.
This place isn't so bad.
In fact, I could see myself settling down here.
Yeah, right there is where my exotic wife will sit and knit me beautiful quilts.
Hello, wifey! Hello, Pim.
I do love you.
And that's where the younglings will sit and go wild with fun.
Hello, my babies! Hello, Daddy Pim! Hello, Daddy Pim! Hello, Daddy Pim! And now there is where I'll toil away on my lovely farm.
Hello, farmy! What do I do? Run, Daddy Pim! Run, Daddy Pim! Run, Daddy Pim! You'll never escape.
You're gonna die here, Pim.
Aghhhhh! Whoa, is that blackface, dude? No, no, no, this isn't blackface, I'm an actual demon.
- Bro, please tell me that's not blackface.
- Are you serious? - Not cool, man.
- No, no, no, no.
You don't understand.
I'm literally a forest demon from across the bridge.
This isn't a costume.
Get the out, man! See, that's exactly the why I don't dress up for Halloween, right there, that's the reason.
Yeah, and thanks for wrangling up that firewood, buddy.
Halloween is saved! So, my friends, what did we learn tonight? The only thing more horrifying than the unknown up there is the unknown in here.
And if you knew what went on in here, you'd freak out.
I guess I'm just a bit more demented than most.
Hey, buddy, you can't be hanging around here watching cartoons.
We've been getting complaints all night.
You need to leave.
Why? What law am I breaking? That'll be Title 18, Chapter 55, Section 55.
06 Loitering and prowling at night.
It's a third-degree misdemeanor.
Okay, I-I didn't know.
I Well, excuse me.
Whooooooo!