Sneakerheads (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

1
[tape ripping]
What the hell is this nonsense?
Bad bitch online ain't hurt nobody ♪
Bad bitch online ain't hurt nobody ♪
It ain't even up for discussion.
Kanye West has the best
non-athlete sneaker of all time!
-Which collab, though?
-It don't matter!
Nike, Adidas, everything Ye touches
is straight fire. You understand that?
Best shoe from an athlete
who isn't a basketball player?
Serena, no questions asked.
What the fuck? No! She only have
the best shoe for a tennis player.
-Says who?
-Says Roger fucking Federer.
Better player, better shoe.
-[phone chimes]
-Hold on, one second.
-[Stuey] Yo, is it Hot Dog Daddy 2?
-Is it him?
Shit. It's not him.
I don't get it. If he signed
for the O4s ten minutes ago,
-why hasn't he sent us any of the info?
-'Cause he's full of shit.
Or the delivery guy,
after he signed the package,
held the shoes and him hostage.
It's a real thing.
Them Oregon 4s nothing to play with.
All right, am I the only one
who finds all this incredibly exciting?
No. Fuck that. The Zeros are a ghost.
They ain't no ghost.
Hey, oh, shit!
-Hey.
-What's up? How you doing?
I'm good, I'm chilling. Here you go.
-So, we good?
-Thank you. Always good.
Thank you. Tell Stevie, next time
he's in New York, to holler at me.
I need those Paris Dunks ASAP.
Sounds good. I'll see what he can do.
Good seeing you, man.
Nigel Sylvester,
I'm a huge fan, by the way!
Hey, Nori, why don't you just tell
everyone that you're really StevieKickz?
-Jesus, Stuey!
-That's so--
Say that shit a little louder,
why don't you?
[Stuey] I'm confused. I thought
you didn't want people to know.
Hey, did I just hear that our friend
Nori here is StevieKickz?
Keep it down, wannabe.
Miss me with that wannabe nonsense,
girlfriend. I'm 'bout to blow up.
Doing what, being a asswipe?
Nah, Musical.lys.
-Aren't they TikToks now?
-Shut up.
-Point is, I'm gonna be famous in no time.
-I'm surrounded by stupid.
-[Devin] I don't even understand.
-[kids yelling]
[Christine] Hey, hey, hey.
Aren't you gonna get in?
-Billy said he peed in the pool.
-[Christine] Mm-hmm.
[sighs]
What up, Big D?
Can we talk about Mike's dad
being a total nut job?
He barely speaks to anyone at the party,
but when he sees me, oh, all of a sudden
he wants to talk about the culture
and the one time that he was
at a restaurant with Obama.
I guess I'm the authority
on all things Black, right?
Maybe he's just trying to bond with you.
-Oh.
-Do you see this?
It needs to stop. It's embarrassing.
-I'll get you a beer.
-Thank you.
[Christine] I got ya.
[phone buzzing]
Oh, shit! It's him, it's him, it's him.
Okay.
Yo, what's cracking, player? Talk to me.
You wanna explain
why you ain't send me nothing?
Hell should I send you something
when you sent me a pair of beaters?
Okay, look, a deal is a deal, understand?
You said you wanted Oregon 4s,
I sent you the Oregon 4s.
Yeah, you wanna explain those scuff marks?
It took me a hour
to buff those things out.
Man, whatever, yo. You want a clue?
I'll send your punk ass a clue.
Hello?
-Shit!
-Yeah!
Bobby, how'd it go?
-Yeah, it was excellent.
-Why were you yelling at him?
-Because he's a no-good piece of--
-[phone chimes]
Oh, shit. He gave us a clue.
-He gave us a clue?
-He gave us a clue!
-He gave us a clue!
-It's a clue!
[guys cheer and laugh]
-He gave us a clue!
-Why are we dancing?
[kids chattering]
[phone buzzing]
-What's good?
-[Bobby] The clue is here.
The what is where?
The clue from Hot Dog Daddy 2,
it just came in.
Oh, shit.
Okay, so what's up?
Hey, I like your, uh, your drip,
by the way.
-[Christine] My what?
-Your drip.
[Bobby] Meet us at Delicious Pizza now.
No, no, no can do.
I'm in the middle of
Alex's birthday party.
Who the fuck is Alex?
Calm down.
You're talking about a little kid.
Is he your kid?
Look, I cannot leave my wife and my kids
at some random kid's birthday party!
You tellin' me you'd rather kick it
at some random kid's party
than come with me
and chase down the Zeros
and change your life forever?
-Forever ever? Forever ever?
-Half an hour.
-Do not be late.
-All right, bet.
And change your shoes.
I know you wearing some bullshit.
Here you go.
Be calm. I can open that for you.
Thank you.
[inhales deeply]
[sighs] Look, I hate to do this to you,
but I gotta leave for a while.
It's some work stuff.
Oh, come on, on a holiday weekend?
Yeah, there's no rest
for the weary, right?
It can't wait until Tuesday?
I'm… I'm positive.
-I love you, okay? Okay?
-[Christine sighs]
-Thank you. Gotta go.
-I love you too.
-[Devin] Excuse me.
-Yo, what up, Devin?
-You know you want some of this, my man.
-[kid screams]
I'm like Steph Curry
from way downtown, bang, bang.
-Okay.
-All day.
-All right.
-Man, let's hoop.
So Stephen King maybe killed John Lennon,
but Van Gogh, definitely Jack the Ripper.
Fuck yeah, he is.
How do people not know that?
Okay, bet. I'm at a table around the back.
What is he doing here?
I'm part of the crew, boo-boo,
now that I know who's running things
in these streets.
Look, just ignore him and grab you a slice
of this delicious pizza.
Nah, man, I had cake at the party.
What's up?
Hold that thought.
What up, Swaggy?
-Here you go.
-He actually had these in a 13?
Yep, hit him again
if you need anything else.
[Cole] What's good, Swaggy, my man?
How you doing, dog?
What you think about Musical.lys, huh?
Oh, here we go. Bada-bing, bada-boom.
[dramatic music]
What the fuck is this?
-That's a ham sandwich.
-No shit.
But is this the clue?
Y'all telling me that a goddamn
prosciutto sandwich is the clue?
Prosciutto. Wait, that's it.
That's what?
We went to damn near every
sandwich spot in a ten-mile radius
and they looked at us like we were crazy.
Yeah, because we kept asking about
a ham sandwich when we should've--
We should have been
asking about a prosciutto!
-Yes!
-Oh!
-Yes, uh!
-[both screech]
-That's what we got you here for, D.
-To do what, help you order food?
No! Look, look at this!
Now all we have to do is figure out
who makes the sandwich.
Ooh, CSI: Sandwich. I'm down.
-What are we even talking about?
-Valid question.
All right, so the obvious things
we have here, ciabatta, mozzarella…
-Anything else?
-There's definitely arugula.
-[Stuey] Are those pepper flakes?
-Where?
On the bottom right-hand corner.
Do y'all even hear
how y'all sound right now?
-Wait a second, let me see that.
-Be gentle with my phone.
I ain't got insurance.
-Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.
Yeah, exactly what I thought.
That's not ciabatta, that's focaccia.
-Focaccia? 69?
-Oh, my God.
He's right, look at it.
But none of this gets us closer--
Uncle Paulie's.
Uncle Paulie's, how did I not see this?
-Excuse me?
-Uncle Paulie's on Beverly.
It's the only spot in L.A.
that serves prosciutto on focaccia.
Get this, Buscemi's the owner.
Wait a minute, is that the dude
from Boardwalk Empire?
No, fool. Jon Buscemi, world-renowned
sneaker and fashion designer
who loves sandwiches so much
he opened his own spot.
-There's no way that's a coincidence.
-Yo, Nori's right.
We are so close right now,
I can smell the leather.
And Buscemi, I hear he's a nice guy.
What the fuck do you mean
there's no capicola?
The Times is coming on Tuesday.
If I don't have any capicola,
I can't make the special.
If I can't make the special,
I'm finished in this fucking town.
Fuck!
Can I help you?
One prosciutto on focaccia.
You want potato salad with that?
Do we, do we want a potato…
-Do we want a potato salad?
-There wasn't potato salad in the pic.
Definitely get the potato salad.
I'm starving.
Yeah, me too.
Yes to the potato salad.
Okay, potato salad, get a soda,
make it a combo, okay?
One second. Do we wanna make it a combo?
-I don't drink soda.
-I'll drink it.
-Look, just make it a combo.
-Copy that. We'll make it a combo.
-Yeah, that's the move, baby.
-Sickos, sickos.
-Combo time, let's do it.
-I mean, it's good for me.
Okay, so one combo for five people?
Exactly. Yes, yes. Okay, cool.
So what, we go in the back,
you bring it out here,
what's the protocol?
Here you go, done. Here.
Yeah, we get all this, but, um…
Where's, uh… the rest of it?
-What?
-The rest of the combo.
The, uh, how do I say, the, uh…
special part.
Listen, the special part's
the prosciutto, okay?
Which is cool and all,
but we got sent here by Hot Dog Daddy 2.
-Who?
-[Stuey] For the Zeros.
I don't know any Zeros
you're talking about.
I don't know Hot Dog Daddy 1,
let alone Hot Dog Daddy 2.
Get your fucking combo.
Get the fuck off my property.
-All right, all right.
-Whoa, you are angry.
Okay, we gotta talk to you
about your customer service.
[plate clanging]
[car horn blaring]
-Okay, so what now? What do we do?
-Now we go home.
[Nori scoffs]
-No, we not, we're not going home.
-That shit was wack. Deuces, yo.
Wait, let me explain…
Did Gandhi say no on his hunger strike?
Did Martin Luther King Jr.
stop on his march? No.
Look how far we came, y'all. Look at this.
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, Bobby,
but we're only like a block away
from Unbeaten,
so technically we haven't
really come that far at all.
Maybe like 400, maybe 500 yards
the way the crow flies.
Shut up, Stuey!
I get it, okay? I get it.
I'm just saying, man.
Even I can see that it's over.
-Okay, so this is what I'm thinking--
-Bobby, let it go, man.
-Wait, wait.
-It's over.
How is it over?
What was the quote you used
to tell me back in the day?
Do you remember?
It was from Doyle freaking Brunson.
Do you remember the quote?
All you need to have a chance in this life
is a chip and a chair.
We don't have either.
You can quit all you want.
I'm not quitting.
Okay?
'Cause my momma ain't raise no quitter.
I'm not gonna quit.
[crowd cheering on TV]
[Devin sighs]
Hey, babe. How was your work thing?
Disappointing, but it's over.
-It's finally over.
-That bad, huh?
You have no idea.
-How was the rest of the party?
-[Christine chuckles]
Bryan got drunk off of some Hennessy
and threw up on the patio.
[chuckles] Of course he did.
I'm sure he threw up
the Blackest he could.
-[both laugh]
-Anything good on?
I'm just flipping channels.
[bell rings]
[crowd cheering on TV]
The Fighter?
Seriously?
[Christine sighs]
How many times do I have to tell you
I did not hook up with Mark Wahlberg?
I don't even care
if you got a thing for him.
That's ancient history
as far as I'm concerned.
Good.
Did you get the email I sent?
What email? What are you talking about?
The only one I sent.
Why are you acting so weird lately?
Am I, though? What you talkin' about?
Okay, I know it's a big change,
going back to work,
and maybe this is just
an adjustment period…
You would tell me
if something was wrong, right?
Yes, of course.
[game beeping]
[phone rings]
This dummy again, huh?
[sighs] Now what?
Yo, dog, I been calling you for hours,
okay? I'm gonna need those 4s back, dog.
Man, you can drop that.
These babies ain't going nowhere.
That's bullshit, okay?
Buscemi didn't give us nothing!
And he made me pay for the sandwich.
Great sandwich, though, right?
Now stop freaking calling me.
Bro, you cannot talk to me like that!
I'm an adult.
You gotta respect your elders,
like real shit.
Fuck you! Fuck you!
I don't care if you a kid, fuck you!
Hello? H--
Hey, don't hang up.
-Fuck!
-[car horn blaring]
I know, shit!
[groans] Fuck!
[phone rings]
-[sighs] Now what?
-[Bobby] Buscemi didn't give us nothing!
What'd you offer him?
Dude ain't gonna up and just give you
something unless he's getting something.
Shit.
Oh.
Yes, yes.
Hey.
[distant siren wailing]
-[man whispers] You Bobby?
-You Frank?
-You're not a easy man to track down.
-You got the cash?
-[Bobby] Yeah, I got it.
-[Frank] Come on.
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
You're lucky you found me--
[distant siren wailing]
You okay?
Ssssh!
[Frank] These are really rare.
Super-limited release.
Hey, look. I got other stuff.
[voice fades] You want some tracksuits?
You'd look great in some tracksuits.
Hey, I can get you ovens at cost,
what do you say?
Gas or electric?
Dealer's choice, man.
[dramatic music]
What the fuck do you want?
Listen, I know that you know
about the Zeros.
I just… I just need you to tell me
what I gotta do.
Look, man, you think I wanna be
making sandwiches all day?
These meats, these cheeses saved my life.
I don't think you wanna
end up like that, man.
What you mean?
You don't wanna go down this rabbit hole.
It's not for the faint of heart.
And if it's a risk I'm willing to take?
[sighs]
I brought you something.
It's a capicola, for the special.
I heard you yelling about it on the phone,
so I made a couple of calls myself,
111 to be exact, but who's counting?
Here it is. Every clue from the quest.
Boxes filled with broken dreams
and dead ends, but it's yours now.
Thank you.
I appreciate the meat, man.
No doubt, no doubt.
Good luck, kid.
[gentle music plays]
[chips clack]
Raise.
Raise, huh?
-Raise.
-Okay.
Yeah, you're for sure
on the inside draw, so…
[clattering outside]
Did you order from Amazon?
No.
-Maybe it's the sushi.
-I just ordered the sushi.
[baby cries]
Oh, honey, I'm coming, I'm coming.
-[Bobby] What's up?
-Whoa! What are you doing?
It's me, Bobby.
Coming out here with a bat,
like I'm a criminal.
I wouldn't be here with my team
if we didn't have something real.
We? What do you mean, "we"?
My compadres.
That's friends in español.
What up, Dev? Nice boxers.
Aren't those boxer briefs?
These are-- You know what,
I don't have time for this, Bobby.
We got something real.
What do you have, huh?
A suspicious pastrami on rye?
[Nori] Just hear him out.
He actually got something from Buscemi.
If you had one shot, one opportunity,
to seize everything
you've ever wanted in one moment…
That's Eminem.
-I should--
-Wait! It's a good quote, okay?
And it's relevant to our situation,
'cause it's about a dream.
It's about a dream that we used to have.
So if you don't believe in yourself,
believe in me,
believe in her, believe in him,
believe in us as a unit.
-"Palms are sweaty--"
-Go to my garage.
Do we go too?
All right, look, you got five minutes. Go.
[Stuey] Yo.
-You're gonna smash tonight, aren't you?
-Totally inappropriate.
Okay, everything in here
is what Buscemi had on the Zeros.
I waited till we were all together
to open it up.
-There's some really cool shit inside.
-I thought you didn't open it up.
I peeked it open just to make sure there
was no anthrax or anything--
-Yo, can you hurry up?
-Yeah.
Okay, okay, we got hair, human hair.
Oh, there's a tiny… tiny Australian flag.
-[Devin] Mm-hmm.
-Okay?
This is, uh, seriously dried-up baklava.
Alligator teeth. Ice cream.
Ice cream, dried ice cream,
the one… the one the astronauts eat.
Okay? All right?
And there was this, uh, this…
on the plastic,
"Es zerreißt mein"
How does any of this bullshit
lead us to the Zeros?
[whispers] Damn, we got this, we got that…
I have no clue.
I could be having sex with my--
-Bobby?
-[Devin] Baby.
What the hell are you doing in my house?
This is the garage,
out of your jurisdiction.
What's with all the NSYNC stuff?
-What do you mean, what NSYNC stuff?
-Duh!
Joey Fatone was in My Big Fat
Greek Wedding. JT used to frost his tips.
Wade Robson was their choreographer.
He's from Australia.
Oh, and Gatorland
was the first ever theme park
to open up in Orlando,
which is where the band's from.
Gatorland, gator teeth.
-Orlando, NSYNC--
-[Devin] Okay.
What about the astronaut ice cream?
Lance Bass tried to go to space.
Who doesn't know that?
-Hi, I'm Nori. You have a lovely home.
-Thank you.
-Hi, I'm Stuey--
-No.
Hey, what's up with
the weird German thing here?
Here, let's see.
Es zerreißt mein Herz?
[phone] The phrase is
"It's tearing up my heart."
-Would you like me to play it?
-No.
That's it, that's it!
Remember the pictures I showed you?
-Mm-hmm.
-Every time the Zeros were seen,
they were in the same city
at the same exact time
that NSYNC was there.
In conclusion, whoever has the Zeros
has been following the band!
Oh, it gets better too!
They have a reunion show
in Hong Kong in two nights. Let's go!
-What, tonight?
-No, two nights from now.
-In two nights?
-Two nights!
[Bobby] Ugh!
Bobby, you were actually right this time.
I told you!
Blowing your Hawaii fund, worth it!
Quitting your job
the day you started, worth it!
When we go to Hong Kong and track down
the Zeros, it'll be worth it!
Excuse me?
What?
-You're an idiot.
-What in the fuck is he talking about?
Baby, it's not what it sounds like.
He's talking about some shoes.
I'm sorry.
This whole thing is about sneakers?
No.
Yes!
Okay. I'm gonna say this to you once.
You're a grown-ass man with children,
children who need their father,
which is why I'm not letting you
go back down this road again,
especially not with this dipshit
leading the way.
-We need to talk about this now.
-[Devin] Bobby.
Now is not the time.
[yells] When's it gonna be the time?
[softly] Sorry, when's gonna be?
Someone need to talk to her,
tell me why she hate me.
-No one told me.
-Are you joking? He's joking?
I'm not joking about anything, okay?
No, just tell me.
Just tell me right here, right now,
and we'll squash it as adults.
Our rehearsal dinner.
Does that ring any bells?
No, it doesn't. I mean, yeah,
a little bit. I was drunk, okay?
You fucked my mom
on the hood of your Honda
and everyone in the wedding party
watched outside the window.
-Oh, wow.
-Seriously?
-I thought that was your sister.
-I'm gonna--
-[Devin] Baby, calm down. Come on.
-Fuck you, Bobby.
-I--
-Oh.
[Devin] Christine. Christine!
Can we please talk about this?
I'm taking the kids
down to my mom's in the morning.
I suggest you take the weekend
to figure your shit out
and decide what's really important to you.
[knock on door]
[Devin] I know Bobby is not at my door.
What?
I'm sorry I'm late.
Traffic was crazy.
I think somebody hit a coyote
on the freeway, but…
Anyway, here's your sushi.
Ooh, damn, I forgot your chopsticks.
I'm gonna go pick 'em up.
-I'm gonna take a different route.
-No, no, don't worry about it.
-No, no.
-It's cool, I got it, I got it.
Don't you stress!
[gentle music]
[sighs]
-[Devin] I love you.
-Love you too.
All right, little man.
We'll be back Monday at five.
Monday at five.
[deep sigh]
What a day. Not a cloud in the sky,
my lawn looks perfect,
and Maxi dropped 30
on Kanye's kid today in bitty!
I mean, are you kidding me?
[phone buzzing]
Okay. Man, look, if I'm not back
by Monday, that's a wrap for me.
It's all good.
We got the frequent-flier miles.
Everything's paid for.
All right?
Okay.
Devin! Huh!
What are the odds?
Oh, oh, wait. Before I forget…
Here are your chopsticks, bro.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Off to Hong Kong, here we go.
[hip-hop music]
For the people ♪
For the culture ♪
That's how we do ♪
Fuck all the vultures ♪
Hey, we don't know ya ♪
Hey, we'll just ghost ya ♪
For the people ♪
For the culture ♪
That's how we do ♪
Fuck all the vultures ♪
Hey, we don't know ya ♪
Hey, we'll just ghost ya ♪
Hey, we don't know ya ♪
Hey, we'll just ghost ya ♪
For the people ♪
For the culture ♪
That's how we do ♪
Fuck all the vultures ♪
Hey, we don't know ya ♪
Hey, we'll just ghost ya ♪
Hey, fuck all the vultures ♪