Somebody Somewhere (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

1 JOEL: Bucky, may he be blessed by our creator who knows every creature by name.
And may you and Christa enjoy your days together in peace and love.
Amen.
(LAUGHS) Bye, Christa.
Hey, Brice.
Who do we have here? - Ooh.
- Ding-a-ling passed away last night.
Aw.
I'm really sorry, Brice.
God, hold Ding-a-ling in your heavenly hands.
We pray today for Brice, and remember all of the wonderful memories that he and Ding-a-ling shared.
Amen.
Bye, Brice.
(SOFT LAUGH) All right.
Tony Curtis the hamster.
We got bad blood from last year, but I'm gonna still give him a blessing.
(LIGHT THEME PLAYING) (CLUCKING) (RUSTLING) (TYPING) (SPOON CLINKS) - (SIGHS) Hey, Dad.
Can I join you? - Hm.
- Suit yourself.
- (CHAIR SLIDES OUT) (SIGHS) Um, Tricia and I were talking and, um there's no money to hire the guys this year, Dad.
I'm really sorry.
You know, uh, you and your sister don't run things.
Well Tricia suggested that we use a custom combine company.
Tricia is not a farmer.
True.
Those Kinley clowns, they call me every year.
I I can't pay for-for that! And on top of what your mother's place costs, I I just can't do it.
I mean I'll figure something out.
(QUIET CHATTER) Oh, hey, Joel! Um Can you stop by my office later today? - Yeah.
Okay.
(LAUGHS) - Okay.
Hey, there you are.
(INDISTINCT) - Joel, your neck is really red.
- Hmm.
Yeah.
I think Pastor Deb knows about choir practice.
Shit.
Well, isn't she, like, sort of new? Just tell her the last pastor said it was okay.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't want - Does this go all the way around? - Mm-hmm.
- It goes all over.
- Oh.
I'm glad we get an actual date night.
Not trying to be a jerk.
I love Sam, - but we're never - SAM: Hey, guys.
This working before work shit is not working for me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I interrupt something? No, we were just talking about going to Bull and Bear.
- Bull and Bear? Gross.
- (LAUGHS) Sure, why not? Oh, I guess I guess it's a date then.
All right, cool.
- See you there.
- MICHAEL: Okay.
What's up with him? Nothing.
(SIGHS) What's up with you? Ugh.
My dad needs help with the corn harvest.
He has no money, one good foot.
How the fuck does he think that's gonna work? Jesus.
Maybe Fred could help you over at the Ag College or Oh.
That's a great idea.
I forgot he worked up there.
- You know your neck's all red, right? - Mm.
Gotta go to Wax World, see Mindy.
She's the absolute best.
I see Mindy at church.
I don't want her seeing Stop.
You know, I don't do it for Coop.
He could care less.
I do it for me.
- All right, done.
So how long did that one take? - Oh, uh Five minutes, 30 seconds.
Darn.
Well, guess I'll have to finish all of these at home tonight.
You know, I'd love to help, but I gotta I gotta go by Mary Ann's, get the meatballs, I gotta go to RiteSpot Liquors, - and I gotta pick up more Sternos, so - No worries.
- I can totally handle this.
- You got it! - We got this, girl! - Have a good night.
(QUIET MUMBLING) (RATTLING) (SIGHS) Oh (BIRDS CHIRPING) Fred! - Hey.
- There she is.
Hi, kid.
All right, Nelson, I'll see you in lab.
I got some nitrifying bacteria to show you that's gonna warp your mind.
All right, get outta here.
See you later, buddy.
Cute kid.
Um Hey Professor Doctor Fred Rococo.
- That's right.
Prof.
Dr.
Fred Rococo.
- (LAUGHS) Walk me to class.
I got a second.
Uh, thanks for meeting with me.
Um Look, I was wondering if there's any kind of Ag program where you could send the kids to the farm, and they work for free.
Always want the kids to work for free.
- Well, they're young.
- I know.
Well, my first thought is field studies, but the problem there is Professor Jankowski.
- What's his deal? - Wow! I cannot believe you just assumed he was a man! Oh Fuck.
Shit, I'm sorry.
Well, you're a good guesser.
Women are woefully underrepresented in the agricultural sciences.
I got you there for a second, didn't I? - You thought I was going to give a shit.
- (LAUGHS) I did.
- Don't worry about it.
Take a deep breath.
- Okay.
Hi, Professor Rococo.
- Professor Dr.
Fred Rococo! - (SAM LAUGHS) And Jankowski's deal? He's a prick, but I've come up with a workaround.
An extra credit program for my grad students.
They work your harvest, and I teach them about real-world conditions facing independent farmers.
It's good for your pops, and it's good for them.
- I mean, that would be amazing.
Thank you so much.
- Yeah? All right, then we're gonna make it happen.
All right, this is me.
Do I know how to time it or what? - Yeah.
(LAUGHS) - All right.
Good to see you.
Yeah, you, too.
Thanks, Fred.
Here you go, Sam.
- Hear Shannon's applying to colleges.
- Yeah! - Yeah, Rick was the order ahead of you, so - Rick?! - Oh, shit.
I gotta go! - (TIRES SCREECH) You in some kind of rush, fuckbag? What the What the fuck's he doing? (BRAKES SQUEAL) - Shit.
- (SHUTS DOOR) (TURNS OFF ENGINE) Trick or treat, motherfucker.
(DOOR BEEPING) What the fuck, Rick? - What are you doing out here? - What? You're following me! That's right.
I'm onto you, dude.
I know everything.
Everything! Shit.
Don't Please don't tell Tricia.
What the fuck, Rick! What am I supposed to do? Not tell my sister that her husband's a fucking drug dealer? I W Well Oh my God.
What is it? Is it Oxy? Fentanyl? And do not insult me by lying to me right now, Rick! Uh, it was stupid.
I just, uh Money's really tight, and-and I gotta pay for Shannon's college.
- And and a guy at work knew a guy - Oh, fuck you.
Just - Stop this right now! Otherwise - I I swear! I swear on Shannon's life, I I will never sell drugs again.
I swear.
All right, good.
But just know that I'm fuckin' watching you.
- Do not fuckin' slip.
- Okay.
- Now, move your fuckin' van.
- Okay.
And stop your fuckin' crying.
Get in the fuckin' car! - Let's go! I mean - Okay.
Okay.
Jesus Christ, drugs, Rick? What the fuck were you thinking? - I swear! I swear! - God! Okay, thank you.
- Oh, shut the fuck up, and just get outta here! - Thank you! - (ROCK MUSIC) - SAM: Rick looked like he was gonna shit his pants! - (LAUGHS) - (HATCHET THUDS) Oh, it was wonderful.
I basically saved my sister's marriage.
Not that she'll ever know.
Bitch.
Hey.
Getting a little lonely at the table.
Can you come sit with me? I gotta pee.
You take my turn.
Wait, I (BAR CHATTER) - Hey.
- (CLEARS THROAT) - This is fun, right? (LAUGHS) - Yeah.
You know, I may just be overly sensitive, but is there, like, some tension here? 'Cause I'm a little socially out of practice or whatever, and, like, if I've been doing anything that steps on (THUD) Okay.
There's no paper towels, so I'm just gonna hold it.
You know what? I'm actually kinda beat, - so I'm going to take off.
- Stay.
Come on, one more drink? Um - Come on.
Yes! - You sure? Yeah, all right.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
- There we go.
- Good, let's get fucked up.
(JOEL LAUGHS) Mm! Ah! Here we go.
Are these for the table? - Yeah.
- Sick.
I keep eating these pickles, but they burn, you know? Craig? - Hey.
Hey.
- Hey, man.
How are you doing? - Good.
- Good! Good to see you.
Do you wanna, uh Do you wanna join us? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah! Yeah, grab a seat! - Oh, Craig, this is Joel.
- CRAIG: Hi.
And, uh, and this is Sam.
Hello.
Oh hey, Craig.
Craig just went through, um, a really big breakup.
- Little down on your luck.
- CRAIG: Yeah.
Looking to get back in the saddle.
- Ooh - (LAUGHS) - Giddy-up.
- (LAUGHS) I'd give you a shot, but we did them all, so - Oh.
- They were really strong.
I had to sip mine.
- Do you drink? - Uh, yes.
- All right, well, there's one plus.
- (CRAIG LAUGHS) (INSECTS CHIRPING) - Hey, heading to bed.
- Okay.
(EXHALES) What? Uh Tums? (SIGHS) Your your bedside table.
Okay.
(BAR MUSIC, CHATTER) (LAUGHING) Um, how do you know Michael? Taekwondo.
- Wow! (LAUGHS) - Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Uh, he actually saved my life.
Oh yeah? Did you get kicked upside the head or - No, I choked on a lozenge.
- Oh.
I, uh (CLEARS THROAT) Just popped it right out of my mouth.
- Popped it right out.
Shit.
- Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Yeah You, uh, done any martial arts? Not knowingly.
(SIGHS) Taekwondo is really great, though, for, uh, flexibility.
Well I'm not flexible, but I'm a real good sport.
(BOTH LAUGH) I don't know, I'm just - What? - Just, Michael didn't tell me you were funny.
Oh I'm just a little drunk.
(LAUGHS) You want another beer? Yeah.
You've got great tits.
Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Do you like soft skin? (BIRDS CHIRPING) (SIGHS) Good morning.
- Good morning.
- CRAIG: Hey.
Where are the coffee filters? Check over on the on the left.
(SINGING): Coffee in the morning Coffee in the evening, coffee at suppertime - (RATTLING) - Are you sure they're in this, uh - I'm just seeing light bulbs and stuff.
- Okay, check down below.
Okay.
I'm going down! - Not that low! - Oh Well (SIGHS) I was a catcher in middle school until I threw out my back.
- (CRAIG GRUNTS) - (SAM SIGHS) (RUSTLING) - (GRUNTS) - Need some help? No, I-I'm all right.
I got it.
(GRUNTS) You know, Tricia's got me helping out at her store.
- She's got that Crazy Dayz thing.
- Yeah.
If you want, I could swing by, pick you up, we go together.
I'm not going to that thing.
- Dad, it's important to Tricia.
- Yeah.
All right, well, more toothpick meatballs for me.
- You say they're gonna have meatballs? - Yeah.
Cheese? - You know you like that cheese, Dad.
- I love cheese.
(BLENDER WHIRRING) - Hope I got the right consistency.
- (SLOSHING) Lumpy is good.
- Nailed it.
- (LAUGHS) - (WRINGING, DRIPPING) - (BOTH LAUGH) Okay - I just put it on? - Mm-hmm.
Hm.
I've never heard of this.
Is this, like, - scientifically tested? - (LAUGHS) No.
It's just what my mom did when I would get my neck thing.
Went through a lot of milk in middle school.
- Oh God.
Kids are the worst.
- (SOFT LAUGH) - Can you turn a little? - Mm.
That's good.
They used to call me Homo Skeletor.
Oh, no.
Oh, babe, that is That is too sad.
(KISSES, SIGHS) - It was sixth grade.
- (LAUGHS) I shot up to six feet, but I still weighed 110 pounds.
I mean, really, it's kind of clever.
(BOTH LAUGH) Joel, just just talk to Pastor Deb.
It's going to be okay.
It's really not worth your skin falling off over.
- I'll even go with you.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
How'd I do? Shines up pretty nice, huh? - Hey, she's gonna love it.
- Yeah.
(CAR PULLS UP) Well, look who's here.
Returning your post driver.
- Hope it worked out okay for you.
- (CAR DOORS SHUT, OPEN) - Yep.
Sam.
- SAM: Hey, Tim.
I'll take that from you.
MJ is gone.
Well, I mean, she still lives here, but she's not she's not here now.
She, uh She went, uh, to do some camping with some of her her girlfriends from, uh, from her reading group.
Well, there's no cell reception there, so so we can't call her.
(CLEARS THROAT) Gotta get back at it.
Okay.
Sam.
Good to see you, Tim.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS) (ENGINE STARTS) - (DRIVING AWAY) - SAM: Um What kind of story was that? Kinda got away from me.
Dad Are you embarrassed because Mom's at rehab? Is that why you're not leaving the house? Ain't nobody's damn business what goes on here.
MJ and me, we we're private people.
We We don't broadcast our business or or take pictures of our meals or any-any-any of that nonsense.
What if somebody asked me where she is? Well, you could tell a much, much better lie.
I just don't want her to be embarrassed when she comes home.
I mean, if she comes home at all.
Where would she go? MJ has always been a catch.
I have heard about these rehab places where where people fall madly in love with each other.
Um, Dad, I can guarantee that nobody's gonna fall madly in love with Mom.
Suppose she comes home, and she stopped her drinking, and she realizes that she she can do better.
I've let myself go a bit.
Dad - There's nobody better than you.
- (BRUSHING) Huh? - Who's a big hot fox? - (GRUNTS) (BOTH LAUGH QUIETLY) - Your daddy.
- (LAUGHS) BHF.
- (WOLF WHISTLE, LAUGH) - Ha! - You think? - Oh, I know.
(SIGHS) (VIDEO GAME NOISES, GUNFIRE) (GASPS) Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Rick! Why didn't you wake me up? I'm supposed to finish all (VIDEO GAME NOISES CONTINUE) (CLICKS TONGUE) Oh (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) - (DOOR BELL RINGS) - Hey, Shannon.
So, I guess that explains the graffiti.
- I'm so proud of you, Tricia.
- What are you talking about? So, you got your gay pride window display, and then a couple of homophobic jerkoffs come by and tag it with a couple of cocks.
It's not right.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's a Kansas rainbow.
- That's not that's not a gay rainbow.
- Oh, I don't see that.
- We've got to take it down.
- Well, there's no time, is there? - No.
- Shannon! Grab anything "Wizard of Oz" in the store.
Now.
I can hear you.
Stop it.
Your joy makes me angry! - (WHISPERS): Sorry I said cocks.
- (LAUGHS) You know, you know, that's what they were.
I need you to go to the back room and find everything sunflower you can find.
Go, go, go, quick! - Y'all need any help? - Tricia! They're everywhere.
You're not as funny as you think you are! - Stop.
I don't know.
- What is she talking about? Oh, hey, Joel.
Um I missed you at the food pantry.
Yeah, sorry.
I was busy with I didn't come.
Well, I'll just cut right to the chase.
I wanted to talk to you about being a lay minister for the church.
(LAUGHS) I was watching yesterday, how you talked to Brice.
You have a gift, Joel.
You really do.
- Thank you.
- You were the first person to welcome me here.
And since then, I have really come to rely on you and trust you.
If you feel like this might be a calling, think on it.
No presh.
(LAUGHS) Honestly it might be a calling, but (KEYS JINGLING) I can't.
I lied to you.
I've been lying to you.
(STORE CHATTER) - (DOOR BELL RINGS) - Hi, welcome to Tender Moments.
Here's a tiny pillow with some lavender.
You got a kitten, they'll love it.
(INHALES) (DOOR BELL RINGS) Oh! Holy shit, Dad, you came! And in a suit? Yeah, well, I bought it a while back, uh, on sale.
- It's for when I die.
- (LAUGHS) Smart getting a second wearing out of it.
I also came up with a good story in case anybody asked me about Mary Jo.
(CLEARS THROAT) (QUIETLY): She's visiting her sister.
- Heh? - (LAUGHS) - That's good! I'd buy that! - Yeah.
- (MUZAK PLAYING ON PA) - (PENNY ROLLING) (ROLLING CONTINUES) (PENNY FALLS IN) (MUZAK CONTINUES) (TAPPING ON GLASS) Oh yeah.
These shitty little drinks go right to your head, don't they? (LAUGHTER) - (DOOR BELL RINGS) - Oh, hi.
Welcome to Tender Moments.
Would you like a tiny pillow and some lavender? - Thank you.
- Here you go.
Chamber of Commerce is here.
Reshma! Hi! Hey, um, thank you for coming.
(LAUGHS) - It's really bad.
- Huh? It's wine.
It was so crowded at Poppy's.
It's hardly noticeable.
It You know what? White wine can get out red wine.
It's actually I know it sounds crazy, - but it - TRICIA: Sam, I don't think No, no, no, it works.
Just gimme a second.
You just take the little napkins, get the white wine, put it in there - Oh, Sam, just please be careful! - There you go.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Mm, here it goes.
Yeah Oh.
- (GROANS) - All gone.
- Wow! - Yeah.
Yeah, just a little trick I learned from my, uh, bartending days.
So, have fun.
It's a really cool party.
Love your Oz rainbow.
(EXHALES) - We did it.
- (LAUGHS) I don't deserve you, chica.
Hey.
I'm taking this candle.
Dad took cheese.
TRICIA: Um Just, you know, I mean (LAUGHS) - Thanks.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
This is your last pillow.
- TRICIA: You want it? - I farted on it.
- (LAUGHS) - Disgusting.
- (DOOR BELL RINGS) - Rick? Will you do something with all that food? Yeah.
(SIGHS) Garbage bags are in the back.
(SIGHS) (ECHOING HORN) (INSECTS CHIRPING) (RUMMAGING) (CLATTERING) (LID CLANGS) (ECHOING HORN) (WHISPERS): Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No no Everybody loves somebody Sometimes Everybody falls in love somehow Something in your kiss Just told me My sometimes Is now Everybody finds somebody Some place There's no telling where love may appear Something in my heart Keeps saying My someplace Is here If I had it in My power I'd arrange for every girl To have your charm Then every minute Every hour Every boy would find what I found In your arms