Sonny with a Chance (2009) s01e04 Episode Script

- ( dance music playing ) - Sonny: THIS IS "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN P.
P.
DANCE.
" FLO! ( swing music playing ) PIA! ( ballet music playing ) AGUA! ( Latin music playing ) AND WEE DIDDY! ( hip-hop music playing ) WHAT'S UP, PEEPS? I KNOW YOU'RE ALL FLUSHED WITH EXCITEMENT BECAUSE WE ARE STREAMING LIVE ACROSS THE WORLD.
THE FINAL VOTES HAVE TRICKLED IN AND WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHICH ONE OF YOU WILL BECOME NUMBER ONE AT HOLDING NUMBER ONE.
RIGHT AFTER THIS-S-S-S.
"SO YOU THINK YOU CAN P.
P.
DANCE" IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WATER.
( jingle playing ) Water.
( all exclaim ) GREAT REHEARSAL, GUYS.
NOW I NEED A P.
P.
BREAK.
- ( rings ) - ( screams ) OFF TO THE RACES, I'M GOING PLACES MIGHT BE A LONG SHOT, NOT GONNA WASTE IT THIS IS THE BIG BREAK AND IT'S CALLING MY NAME YEAH! SO FAR, SO GREAT, GET WITH IT AT LEAST THAT'S HOW I SEE IT HAVING A DREAM IS JUST THE BEGINNING SO FAR, SO GREAT, BELIEVE IT CAN'T TAKE AWAY THIS FEELING TAKING A RIDE WITH CHANCE ON MY SIDE YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT SO FAR, SO GREAT SO FAR, SO GREAT ( vocalizing ) YAOOWW! HI, THIS IS SONNY AND YOU'VE REACHED ME AT MY NEW CELL PHONE AT 555- THAT WAS WAY TOO PERKY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT THAT SKETCH, BUT EVERY TIME WE REHEARSE IT I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.
NOT IF I GET THERE FIRST.
OH.
HEY, JOSH.
- HEY, SONNY, WHAT'S UP? - HEY.
CHAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? AND WHY ARE YOU DOING IT OVER HERE AT "SO RANDOM!"? WELL, I'M NOT JUST THE STAR OF "MacKENZIE FALLS," AMERICA'S NUMBER-ONE TWEEN DRAMA.
I ALSO GOT A PART IN A MOVIE.
HMM, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.
I'M PLAYING A MALE DELIVERY GUY.
HE WORKS AT A HIGH-POWERED LAW FIRM.
IT'S A SMALL BUT CRUCIAL ROLE.
SO I'M FOLLOWING MY GOOD BUDDY JEFF HERE AROUND.
- IT'S JOSH.
- WHO'S JOSH? THAT WOULD BE ME.
- WELL, GOOD LUCK.
- THANK YOU.
I WAS TALKING TO JOSH.
HI, THIS IS SONNY AND YOU'VE REACHED ME AT 555-0125.
- YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- ( cow moos ) HEY, MY FIRST PHONE CALL.
HELLO.
YEAH, IT'S ME.
CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN? I HAVE 20 LBS OF FAN MAIL TO GO THROUGH.
FAN MAIL? DID I GET ANY? ( cow moos ) HELLO.
AW, I WAS HOPING TO GET YOUR MACHINE.
ANYWAY, NO FAN MAIL FOR YOU.
THAT'S OKAY.
I SAID YOU HAVE NO FAN MAIL.
I HEARD YOU.
WELL, DOESN'T THAT BOTHER YOU? I MEAN, WHEN I JOINED THE SHOW MY FAN MAIL STARTED ARRIVING RIGHT AWAY.
DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
( cow moos ) HELLO.
DOES IT BOTHER YOU NOW? I'M OFF TO REHEARSAL.
BESIDES, I'M NOT GONNA LET THIS BOTHER ME.
I'M WAY TOO MATURE.
HEY, MARSHALL.
HEY, KIDDO.
GREAT REHEARSAL.
I LOVED YOU IN THAT "BABY WAA-WAA" SKETCH.
THANKS.
WHEN YOU SPIT UP ON THE CHANGING TABLE I LAUGHED SO HARD I GOT THAT PAIN I LIKE.
GOOD.
GOOD.
LOOK, MARSHALL, DO YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY FAN MAIL YET? NO, NOT AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYBODY GETS FAN MAIL.
HERE'S YOUR FAN MAIL, MARSHALL.
"ANNOUNCE MAIL, THEN PRESENT MAIL.
" YOU GET FAN MAIL? NO, IT'S NOT FAN MAIL.
I GET LETTERS FROM PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW WHO ADMIRE ME.
THAT WOULD BE FAN MAIL.
WELL, IF YOU WANT TO PUT A LABEL ON IT.
LOOK AT ALL THIS FAN MAIL.
I KNOW.
ARE WE THE LUCKIEST GUYS IN THE WORLD OR WHAT? OOH, PICTURES FROM GIRLS.
PROM INVITATIONS? LOCK OF HAI-- OH, NO.
AND NONE OF IT MATTERS BECAUSE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS WHAT'S INSIDE THAT BOX.
LET'S OPEN IT.
NO NO NO, WE CAN'T DO THAT.
IT'S ZORA'S AND IT SAYS, "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.
DO NOT OPEN.
" YEAH, BUT IF YOU STAND LIKE THIS-- ( chuckles ) IT JUST SAYS "OPEN.
" GRAB THE TAPE.
OH! BACK AWAY FROM THE BOX OR IT'S GONNA GET MESSY.
WHOA WHOA WHOA.
HOLD UP, ZO.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? WE WEREN'T REALLY GONNA OPEN IT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU GUYS OPEN EVERY SINGLE PACKAGE I GET AND EAT WHAT'S INSIDE, WHETHER IT'S FOOD OR NOT.
OH, COME ON.
TELL US WHAT'S INSIDE THE BOX.
YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? YEAH, TELL US.
OKAY, COME REAL CLOSE.
I'LL TELL YOU.
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! SO KEEP YOUR MITTS OFF MY MAIL, PUNKS! WAA WAA WAA.
THAT'S NO GOOD.
WAA WAA WAA.
STILL CRYING ABOUT NO FAN MAIL? NO, I TOLD YOU I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT.
RIGHT.
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL GET A FAN LETTER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE-- ME, ZORA, GRADY, NICO, MARSHALL, ME.
WELL, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DID GET A FAN LETTER FROM ROYALTY, A KING, NO LESS.
- OH, REALLY? - YEAH.
COULD IT BE THE HUNAN KING? AND DOES HE LIVE IN THE NOODLE PALACE? ACTUALLY, HE'S GOT SEVEN LOCATIONS.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
IT'S JUST A MENU.
I DIDN'T GET ANY STUPID FAN MAIL.
OH, SWEETIE, I KNOW IT MUST HURT TO BE SO UNPOPULAR.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN ONLY IMAGINE, JUST LIKE YOU CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO ACTUALLY BE POPULAR.
SEE, EACH FAN LETTER IS LIKE A HUG FROM A FRIEND.
IS THIS PEP TALK ALMOST OVER? WELL, LET'S SEE I GOT MORE PEP, SO YEAH, ALL DONE.
I HAVE FANS.
THEY JUST HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO WRITE YET.
KEEP DREAMING.
IT'S TIME.
"DEAR SONNY DUDE, DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? CHOCOLATE-COVERED CARAMEL-FILLED NUT CLUSTERS.
NO, BUT GRAB ME A FEW OF THOSE WHILE I TELL YOU THE OTHER THING.
OVER THERE-- THE FORBIDDEN BOX.
AND NO ZORA.
NO ZORA.
JOSH, COME ON.
I THINK I'M READY.
- I DON'T.
- BUT I JUST WANT TO PUSH THE CART.
THIS IS MY CART.
HEY, GUYS.
SORRY I'M LATE.
DID I MISS ANYTHING? HEY, MAIL'S HERE.
THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.
SONNY, HERE'S A LETTER.
- FOR ME? - FOR HER? FOR YOU.
HEY, I TOLD YOU YOU'D GET A FAN LETTER.
WAY TO GO, KIDDO.
READ IT OUT LOUD.
OH, NO NO.
I DON'T WANT TO BRAG.
"DEAR SONNY, MY NAME IS ERIC AND 'SO RANDOM!' IS MY FAVORITE SHOW.
I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD GET ANY BETTER, BUT THEN YOU JOINED THE CAST.
I THINK YOU'RE AWESOME AND TALENTED AND PLEASE SAY HI TO NICO, ZORA, GRADY AND MARSHALL.
" HEY, I GOT A SHOUT-OUT.
BORED ALREADY.
HOW NICE IS THAT LETTER? YOU KNOW WHAT? WE SHOULD CALL THIS KID.
YEAH.
WHAT? NO.
WHY? BECAUSE HE'S YOUR FIRST FAN.
THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL.
AND HOW EXCITING WOULD IT BE FOR HIM TO GET A PHONE CALL FROM YOU? WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO CALL MY FIRST FAN, BUT TOO BAD WE DON'T EVEN HAVE HIS NUMBER.
SURE WE DO.
HE LEFT IT ON THIS POST-IT.
WAIT, YOU CAN'T JUST CALL PEOPLE OUT OF THE BLUE LIKE THAT.
SURE WE CAN.
YOU WERE SO DOWN IN THE DUMPS.
THIS IS THE PERFECT PICK-ME-UP.
BUT I'M NOT DOWN ANYMORE.
IN FACT, I'M OUT OF THE DUMPS.
SHH, IT'S RINGING.
( cow mooing ) IS THAT A COW? YEAH, AND IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
( grunting ) HOW DID ZORA MOVE THIS THING? - IT WEIGHS A TON.
- QUIT YOUR BEEFING.
( cow mooing ) WELL, QUIT YOUR MOOING.
YO.
SSUP? IT'S ERIC.
ERIC, THIS IS MARSHALL PIKE, THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOW "SO RANDOM!" I HAVE SOMEBODY I WANT YOU TO TALK TO.
WHERE'S SONNY? SONNY! Sonny! HEY, SORRY.
I JUST WENT TO GO GET A SNACK.
OH, YOUR FAN'S ON THE PHONE.
OH.
HEY, ERIC, HOW'S IT GOING? OH, NOTHING.
JUST EATING A TURKEY LEG.
OH, HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
LET'S INVITE HIM DOWN TO THE STUDIO.
WHAT? NO.
OH, YOU'RE SHY ABOUT YOUR FIRST FAN.
- GIVE ME THE PHONE.
I'LL DO IT.
- NO NO.
SO, ERIC, LISTEN, WE JUST WANTED TO INVITE YOU DOWN TO THE SET TO MEET ME.
WHAT'S THAT? YOU CAN'T COME? TWO BROKEN ARMS? ( mouths ) TELL HIM WE'LL COME TO HIM.
- WE CAN'T GO TO HIM.
- WHY NOT? UH, WHY CAN'T WE COME TO YOU, ERIC? UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
- WHAT'S HE SAYING? - UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
- GIVE ME THE PHONE.
- UH-HUH.
SO YOU CAN COME? THAT'S GREAT.
OKAY, SO I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
I HAVE A FEELING THAT KID'S NOT GONNA SHOW UP.
WELL, IF HE DOESN'T, I'M GONNA CALL HIM EVERY DAY UNTIL HE DOES.
YOU'RE MEETING YOUR FIRST FAN WHETHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT.
Woman over P.
A.
: Marshall, the boy who wr YOU MUST BE ERIC.
WOW, YOU-- YOU WEREN'T KIDDING ABOUT THOSE BROKEN ARMS.
WHAT, YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, HAVING TWO BROKEN ARMS? HOW ABOUT I COME OVER THERE AND BREAK YOUR ARMS AND YOU SEE HOW FUNNY IT IS? YOU-- YOU SEEM A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM YOUR LETTER.
LOOK, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME HERE, I'LL JUST LEAVE.
BESIDES, I DON'T SEE SONNY HERE ANYWAYS.
SEE YOU LATER.
HOLD UP.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? RELAX.
HAVE A NECTARINE.
A NECTARINE? WHAT, IS THIS A POOR MAN'S PEACH? NO, THANKS.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.
LOOK, YOU CAME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE TO MEET SONNY-- YOU'RE GONNA MEET SONNY.
WELL, MAKE IT SNAPPY, 'CAUSE I GOT PLACES TO GO AND PEOPLE TO SEE WHEN I GET TO THOSE PLACES.
MARSHALL, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
TAWNI, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
THIS IS ERIC.
HE WROTE THAT FAN LETTER TO SONNY.
OH, THE ONE THAT DIDN'T MENTION ME.
YEAH YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
TAWNI, CAN YOU KEEP HIM COMPANY WHILE I GO FIND HER? I DON'T REALLY THINK SHE WANTS TO.
NO, ACTUALLY, I'D BE DELIGHTED.
I MEAN, ANY FAN OF SONNY'S IS A FAN OF MINE, RIGHT? NOT NECESSARILY.
WELL, THANKS FOR SHOWING ME AROUND.
GOTTA GO.
WAIT WAIT.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN BUGGING ME EVER SINCE YOU WROTE THAT FAN LETTER TO SONNY.
AND THAT IS, WHY WOULD YOU WRITE A FAN LETTER TO SONNY? 'CAUSE I LIKE HER.
WHY DO YOU LIKE HER? WHY DON'T YOU LIKE HER? HOW DO YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE HER? UH, CALL IT DUDE'S INTUITION.
OKAY, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE HER, IT'S JUST SHE'S A LOT BETTER THAN I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA BE.
( normal voice ) REALLY? ( deep voice ) I MEAN, REALLY? YEAH, BUT I'D NEVER TELL HER THAT.
WHY? YOU'RE NOT THREATENED BY HER, ARE YOU? WHAT? WHY WOULD I BE THREATENED BY HER? I MEAN, I'M PRETTIER AND I'M FUNNIER AND MY HAIR HAS MORE VOLUME.
THAT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU USE SO MUCH PRODUCT.
OH, I LIKE A GUY WHO KNOWS ABOUT PRODUCT.
AND I LIKED IT MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU STAYED OVER THERE.
SO WHAT DOES YOUR DUDE'S INTUITION TELL YOU NOW? IT'S TIME TO TAKE THESE BROKEN WINGS AND FLY.
WAIT.
YOU'LL BE BACK.
THEY ALWAYS COME BACK.
TWO, ONE TWO, ONE AND TWO.
WHOA WHOA WHOA, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
- WHO ARE YOU? - WHO ARE YOU? - WHO ARE YOU? - WHO ARE YOU? I'M JUST GONNA BREAK THE ICE HERE.
I'M GRADY.
DON'T BE GIVING AWAY YOUR IDENTITY.
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRIME.
OH.
THE NAME'S DARLINGTON-- RUSTY DARLINGTON.
AND YOU ARE? WHAT'S IT TO YA? FOR THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION I WILL HAVE TO REFER TO MY BROTHER, JACOB DARLINGTON.
JACOB? REALLY? THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO? I'M NERVOUS.
I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU, KID.
WHERE'S YOUR VISITOR'S PASS, HUH? WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
BUT WHY ARE YOU LUGGING AROUND A BOX THAT SAYS "PROPERTY OF ZORA"? AND WE ACCEPT THAT ANSWER AS YOUR VISITOR'S PASS.
( laughs ) ENJOY YOUR VISIT AT "SO RANDOM!" OKAY, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU ONE MORE TIME.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.
( groans ) - I GIVE UP.
- WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT ONE? EVERYTHING.
( normal voice ) OH, SORRY.
DO I KNOW YOU? NOBODY KNOWS ME.
NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW ME.
WEIRD BEARD.
I KNOW YOU'D BE BACK.
THEY ALWAYS COME BACK.
- ( slow jazz playing ) - NOW WHERE WERE WE? MAIL CALL.
SORRY, TAWNI.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ENTERTAINING.
I'M ALWAYS ENTERTAINING.
WHAT DO YOU WANT, JOSH? I HAVE SOME FAN MAIL FOR SONNY.
WILL YOU MAKE SURE SHE GETS IT? DON'T I ALWAYS? - THOSE ARE ALL FOR ME.
- NO, THEY'RE ALL FOR-- SONNY? YOU'VE BEEN HIDING MY FAN MAIL.
YOU'RE PRETENDING TO BE YOUR OWN FAN? YOU COMMITTED MAIL FRAUD.
WELL, YOU COMMITTED FAN FRAUD.
FAN FRAUD'S NOT ILLEGAL.
WELL, MAIL FRAUD'S NOT EMBARRASSING.
I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.
BUT APPARENTLY I'M BETTER THAN YOU THOUGHT I'D BE.
I TOLD THAT TO ERIC IN CONFIDENCE.
WELL, ONE THING ABOUT ERIC IS HE'S BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS.
- ( knocks on door ) - KNOCK KNOCK, IT'S MARSHALL.
CAN I COME IN? GUESS WHO ELSE CAN'T KEEP A SECRET.
COME ON IN, MARSHALL.
HAVE YOU SEEN SONNY? I CAN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE.
YOU CAN'T FIND HER BECAUSE-- BECAUSE SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE ERIC.
SHE'S ERIC.
NO, I'M SONNY.
AND THIS IS MARSHALL.
AND YOU'RE TAWNI, REMEMBER? MARSHALL, SHE'S ERIC.
SHE PUT ON A COSTUME AND A BEARD AND SHE BROKE HER ARMS.
- I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
- FINALLY.
SOMEBODY'S A LITTLE JEALOUS ABOUT SOMEBODY'S FIRST FAN.
( guffaws ) FINE.
LET'S SEE WHO GETS THE LAST LAUGH.
MARSHALL, I SAY WE TRACK DOWN ERIC, BRING HIM BACK HERE AND INTRODUCE HIM TO SONNY ONSTAGE DURING THE SHOW IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? I DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA.
I LIKE THAT IDEA.
I LOVE THAT IDEA.
I'M GONNA GO CALL HIM RIGHT AWAY.
- ( laughs ) - ( cow mooing ) DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
ALREADY DID.
OH, I'LL GET IT.
( mooing continues ) - NO! - GET BACK HERE! NO! NO! NO-O-O! - YES.
- NO.
( deep voice ) YO, SSUP? YOU WANT ME TO MEET SONNY IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE? YOU'LL HAVE TO BREAK MY LEGS TO KEEP ME AWAY.
( normal voice ) TURNS OUT IT WAS FOR YOU.
( phone rings ) HELLO.
WILL YOU GET OFF ME? Announcer: Now let's get back to "So Random!" SO LONG, EVERYBODY, AND STAY TUNED FOR "AMERICA'S GOT GAS.
" GREAT SHOW, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK FOR THE SIGN-OFF IN TWO MINUTES.
I KNEW I RECOGNIZED YOU.
YOU'RE WEIRD BEARD.
WHY ARE YOU WEIRD BEARD? WHY DO YOU CARE? I DON'T KNOW, LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.
WELL, I SENT MYSELF A FAN LETTER PRETENDING TO BE MY OWN FAN AND NOW I GET TO GO OUT ONSTAGE TO MEET THE FAN THAT I'M PRETENDING TO BE.
WHY WOULD YOU WRITE YOURSELF A FAN LETTER? BECAUSE I LOST FAITH IN MYSELF.
CLASSIC CASE OF ACTOR INSECURITY-- YOU START DOUBTING YOUR ABILITIES, WONDERING WHETHER YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH AND WHETHER YOU DESERVE TO BE ON TV.
SO YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS? NO.
NO.
NO.
BUT I MADE YOU THINK I HAD, WHICH IS WHY I'LL NEVER GO THROUGH IT.
YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE.
I KNEW IT.
YOU DON'T CARE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING A REAL MOMENT HERE.
( jingle playing ) Marshall: Now please welcome back to the stage - the cast of "So Random!" - ( cheering ) WELL, THAT'S MY CUE.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? YOU DON'T CARE, REMEMBER? BUT I DO.
NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO OUT THERE AND EMBARRASS MYSELF.
WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW, EVERYBODY, BUT BEFORE WE SAY GOOD NIGHT, WE WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A VERY SPECIAL GUEST-- THE GUY WHO WROTE SONNY HER VERY FIRST FAN LETTER.
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR ERIC-- WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN? DOESN'T-EXISTOWITZ.
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR ERIC! ERIC, COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU'RE NOT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.
MARSHALL, I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.
ERIC IS YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
ERIC IS NOT REAL.
BUT I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE.
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR SONNY! ( jingle playing ) WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME? I'M NOT HELPING YOU.
I JUST WANTED TO TRY ON THE BEARD.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY CARES.
SOMEBODY WANTED TO TRY ON A WEIRD BEARD.
- ( coughs ) CARES.
- BEARDS.
- CARES.
- BEARDS.
- CARES.
- BEARDS.
- BEARDS.
- CARES.
GOT YOU.
EADY.
WE'RE GONNA NEED A CROWBAR.
WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME SCISSORS.
MAY I? STUPID RIBBON.
OOH.
- ONE, TWO - DUDE, YOU SMELL THAT? SMELLS LIKE HER GRANDMA'S HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIES.
( laughs ) WHO WANTS COOKIES? WORKS EVERY TIME.