Summer Heights High (2007) s01e04 Episode Script

Kids this age get involved in all sorts of nasty things and you really have to keep an eye out.
I'm known around the school for having an above-average sense of smell, so I use my nose to control certain behaviours.
I like to sniff the kids most mornings, just randomly in the corridors, checking for various odours - um, cigarette smoke, graffiti pens, alcohol, um, cannabis, that sort of thing.
Just identifying that, singling the kids out.
You stand back.
They're aware of it.
They become very nervous when they see me in the mornings, and you can always pick the guilty ones.
But, yes, it's just one of the good things about having a heightened sense.
Take deep breaths.
I do.
Count to 10.
Relax your body and stay calm.
Easy.
I've got Jonah on an anger management course with me.
We're gonna meet once a week.
So what would have been a better way to have reacted? Just say "Fuck off" and walk away and don't get mad.
Alright.
What about some language which is less provocative? "Get fucked"? The breakdancing fad has instigated this.
Yesterday, this Year 7 dancer called Keiran turned up at school wearing the same tracksuit that Jonah was wearing.
He's a shit breakdancer and a homo.
Jonah He can't breakdance for shit, sir.
You can go for a run around the oval.
That's fucked up, sir.
Everyone will think I'm a homo if I start fucking running round the oval every time someone pisses me off.
Jonah told Keiran that he was going to set fire to his his locker.
Bullshit.
And in other ways, he behaved in a very aggressive and inappropriate manner.
Yeah, but his locker didn't get burnt.
I didn't do it.
So how was that inappropriate, sir? Keep a journal and write things down.
What's a journal? A journal, it's like a little diary.
You write stuff in there and it stops it building up inside you.
I'm not a poofter, sir.
Didn't say you were, Jonah.
You know, educate them in strategies they can use, such as the anger management program that I've got Jonah on here, to use to put it into a constructive Sir, how do you spell "Fuck him up"? She can get stuffed if she thinks she's going to be friends with us.
Yeah, well, she's just a bitch, as far as I'm concerned.
Well, last night we were all just on MSN, and Ja'mie was talking to Bec.
Yeah, we were just talking and she was giving me tips to be more confident so I can, like, have a boyfriend and everything, and then all of a sudden I get this sent to me.
Yeah, but she accidentally sent it through to Bec, 'cause it was meant for one of her friends, Brianna, at Hillford.
She's been, like, obviously bitching behind our backs about us back to her Hillford friends and stuff, and we haven't realised it at all.
Guys, she's coming.
Hi.
I couldn't find you guys.
I know you 're annoyed.
We're seriously pissed off, Ja'mie.
It was meant as a joke, seriously.
It's not very funny.
Bec was crying this morning 'cause you called her a "try-hard Asian".
It was a total joke.
I can't believe you printed it out.
Well, like, you obviously don't know how upset we are, Ja'mie.
Like, I don't ever want to be friends with you again.
No way.
Guys, just learn what a sense of humour is, OK? It was a joke.
You called Kaitlyn a"Housing Commission whore".
I mean, I live in a townhouse, not Housing Commission.
Yeah, and you called me a"Clearasil before shot.
" Guys, seriously, build a bridge and get over it.
And don't call me a bitch, Holly.
You seriously think we'll just get over it? You 're a mean bitch.
Seriously, you are.
Yeah, whatever.
Anyway, I have the best news.
Um, you know how I'm doing the 'It's All About Education' exchange thing? Well, last night they called my mum and they said they're gonna do a TV ad and they want me in it because I've got modelling experience.
Ja'mie, we don't care.
You sound like a broken record.
Can you guys just get over it? Look, we're not gonna get over it.
Don't be a bitch and don't listen to my story, Holly.
You 're a bitch, Ja'mie, so whatever.
Why don't you find some new friends? Oh, yeah, cool.
OK.
See ya.
Yeah, whatever, Ja'mie.
See ya.
As if I'd want to be friends with you bitches anyway.
Good.
We don't want to be friends with you either, bitch.
'Bye.
Stupid fucking bitch.
Whatever.
This isn't straight.
Rodney, it's not straight.
We're in audition week this week.
If you want something done, do it yourself.
I was just saying to Rodney this morning, I unravelled the audition posters and I had an excitement quiver.
I went, "Oooh!" I get very excited about things and - oooh! - I do that, and it's normally closer to production that I do it.
It's just an involuntary thing that I get.
Boys, musical auditions! I've been casting the net wide this year, so to speak.
What about you, Stuart? The role of Annabel The real Annabel Dickson, was quite a I guess, a sexy girl, and had a wild quality, and I think there are some girls who have that at the school, so I am asking some of the sluttier girls to get involved.
Um, Wednesday in the gym.
OK.
Cool.
OK, see you then.
Do you like this one, miss? Yeah, I like the imagery of that one.
This is me doing this move where I'm breaking, right, and I get all this mad air, and I'm fully in the air for, like, about eight seconds.
Yeah? Fully.
And everyone's flipping out because they've never seen a boy do that before.
These artworks are going to become illustrations that the boys will use to accompany the stories that they're writing.
This is quite abstract.
Yeah, it's all the heads.
I love art, and I use it as a kind of device to allow the boys to get out some creativity.
See that one? He sees the hot chick and he cracks a fat.
Yeah.
Maybe that one won't go in your book.
What do you think? Why not, miss? Too rude for you? Yeah, a bit rude.
I think that it really assists with their ability to learn.
This is this motherfucker laser beam that I use to fuck anyone off that comes near that I don't like.
Language, language.
That's it - "Fuck you, miss.
" 'Cause it's a teacher.
Not you.
It's another teacher that I don't like.
Right.
And I'm particularly proud of the work that Jonah's been doing, and I know that he can hear me, because he doesn't miss much, but he's been doing really, really well.
All my friends have totally lost it, and they've gone around the whole school telling everyone I'm a bitch and not to be friends with me.
But I don't even care, because, like, I make friends really easily and I don't need them.
Ashley, hi.
Um, I was just gonna say, you know the 'It's All About Education' thing? I might be doing a TV ad for it.
I can't believe you believe those bitches.
Why would I want to be friends with you anyway, lesbian, curly-haired bitch? I'm actually really enjoying not being friends with them, do you know what I mean? Like, lunchtimes are so much better without them.
Um, did you want me to carry these to your next class? No, no.
Just pop them down over there.
That's it.
Right, next one, please.
I cannot afford to have a cast that can't handle the pressure, so rather than going straight into a general audition, I like to do what I call a psychological assessment.
Any history of mental illness in the family? No.
Does Dad ever hit Mum No.
at all? What I'm looking for mostly is can they handle the emotional strain of being in a show? Have you ever felt like cutting yourself? No.
Cutting your arms or? If you had to choose below or above bellybutton, which direction would you head? You need to be fairly thick-skinned to be in a show like mine, so I do what I call a sensitivity test.
You 've got thighs like an elephant and you 've got a face like a bloody horse.
Who's gonna want to pay to see you on stage? Who? Excellent.
That was good.
You handled that well.
I test the kids for hand-eye coordination.
Open your eyes, catch! Catch this.
Missed it.
I'm able to cull or weed out the kids who are just not right.
Rejection can be tough, but the world is a tough place.
Deal with it.
She's very upset.
Next one, please.
Alistair.
Alright, everybody, just continue on with the work.
Write, "Do you like my dick?" Do it in, like, a bubble on the top.
"Yes.
" What are you boys doing? Nothing, miss.
Stop fucking perving on us, miss.
Get up off the ground, please, and go and do some work.
We're reading books.
You 're supposed to read on the ground.
It's a library, miss.
No, you 're not supposed to Look, I have to say that Jonah has a total inability to complete tasks.
I can almost guarantee that tomorrow he'll come in full of excuses as to why he can't participate.
Miss, my pen's dried out.
Gavin, can you please lend Jonah a pen? I sit him next to his friends, and he talks.
I put him next to good students, he copies their work.
I mean, I don't know how stupid he thinks I am.
Stuart, Sardeep, Jessica and Jonah, you 'll all be presenting your talks on 'T he Outsiders' tomorrow.
Miss, that sucks! You said I could do mine on Tupac.
I beg your pardon? You said I could do mine Tupac? Why would I let you do it on Tupac 'Cause you said.
when the topic is 'T he Outsiders'? You just said it.
I did not say it, Jonah.
Don't you remember? Now, you 've had plenty of time to complete this task, and if you 've had any problems, you 've had more than opportunity to come and talk to me about it.
Yes, miss.
I don't think I've even seen you work on it at all, in fact.
What do you think this is, idiot? Beg your pardon?! I'm working on it.
What, a drawing? Yeah, I don't want to show you until tomorrow.
Certainly doesn't look like the kind of work everyone else in the room's doing.
Wait till tomorrow to find out.
You know what? I look forward to it.
We'll all be waiting to see Jonah's talk on 'T he Outsiders', 'cause I think it's gonna be the best.
What do you think, Jonah? I think it will be.
Yeah.
Working in groups of two.
Move.
Holly, I'm sitting next to you.
Sorry, Ja'mie, I'm not friends with you anymore.
I don't care.
I always sit here.
Hey, Ja'mie, there's a seat.
Why don't you go over there? I'm not sitting next to some random emo.
Well, it looks like Move, please.
I'm sorry.
It looks like you don't have an option.
Why don't you go fuck yourself, public school bitch? Chill out, Ja'mie.
You 're really embarrassing yourself.
You know what would be embarrassing? Having your head.
We're going to be working in group A/group B mode today.
So we'll go group A, group B, group A, group B.
A, B, A, B, A, B, A.
I'd like group A to be thinking about Parmenides' view of the world, and group B to be thinking about Heraclitus' view of the world.
Mum, it's me.
I'm really upset.
You 've got to come and pick me up.
'Cause everyone's being a bitch to me.
I should never have come here.
They don't even have fucking grass on their oval.
It's all just dirt.
I am not going to see the school counsellor, you bitch.
I hate this school.
I do not want to be here.
I want to fucking go back to Hillford.
I'll trash my room and you will be fucking cleaning it up, OK? I will have no hesitation in smashing your dolls' cupboard with a hammer, Mum - I'm serious.
Or maybe I'll get pregnant.
Maybe I'll just root some teacher and get pregnant and then you deal with that.
You 'll have to fucking raise the baby.
Is that what you want? I am seriously going to, like, hyperventilate and die, and it will be your fault.
I am not fucking getting the train home! The fucking the train station's out in the suburbs here.
It's seriously fucked up.
I'm gonna get, like, raped or something.
I'll be in counselling for the rest of my life and it'll be your fault! Why are you the biggest bitch in the world to me? I'm 16, Mum.
In a couple of years time, I'm gonna be fucking out of your life.
I won't even invite you to my wedding.
Do you love me? If you fucking love me, you 'll do as I fucking say.
I just want to go back to Hillford.
That is where I belong.
I'm not supposed to be here! I'm a fucking private school girl! Five, six, seven, eight.
# School, these days # You 'd have to be a fool these days # This is phase one of the audition process.
Um, it's a cattle call, if you like.
# School these days # I usually get pretty big numbers, so I like to use the gym.
Get out! Aaron, I've booked the gym.
Take it up with Margaret if you 've got an issue.
# There's bullies and thugs and sex and drugs # It's not like it used to be # Brilliant.
# There's nowhere to hide from teen suicide # Watch out for teen pregnancy # Good effort.
# It's the worst place in Australia where you can get anorexia # Not quite right.
# School these days # Don't want to go to school! # Right hand, thrust, thrust.
The dance routine that I've come up with is part of the nightclub scene.
It's an important part of the production, where Annabel goes to the nightclub where she takes the fatal ecstasy pill.
Get into it! So the moves are very much what the kids are doing these days.
Spreading your legs.
And up.
Spread your legs.
Caleb, more effort, please.
I thought black people were supposed to have rhythm.
Don't let your weight drag you down, please, sweetheart.
What I'm looking for is - are you a triple threat? Do you have the ability to sing, dance, act? And do you have the look? Yeah, they didn't make it.
Sorry.
It's a no-go, I'm afraid.
And, unfortunately for some kids, they just don't have it.
Less chat and more stretching, please.
It's G time, not free time.
Come on.
Come through, girls, and grab yourselves a chair.
Um, well, the reason I called this session, and thanks, Ms Dean, for running it, um, is because yesterday, everyone was being a total bitch to me and I'm a guest at the school and that you should be really nice to me.
OK, yes, Holly? Can I just explain? Um, Ja'mie actually published this photo of us on the Internet that said we were "povo public school skanks" As a joke.
And she said that Kaitlyn was a"Housing Commission whore" and that I needed a breast reduction.
Oh, miss, tell them it's a joke.
It's hilarious, yeah.
What is that? Tell them they need to get a sense of humour, 'cause that's a joke.
It's not funny.
Look at what she's done, miss.
Why would you choose to live in a townhouse? Ja'mie, did you think this was appropriate to send out to people about your friends? Yes, as a joke! I'm not an Asian try-hard.
Bec, you called me.
You wanted some advice on how to get a boyfriend.
I was giving the advice.
I have to change my race, hey?! She doesn't have to go on about being Asian.
You 're the one that always brings it forward.
"I'm Asian.
Oh, I'm so cool!" No, I don't! "I'm so cute.
I've got a little, cute Asian accent.
" You 're going, "I'm from a private school.
" "Look at my fringe.
Ooh, Asian, Asian.
" Silence! We need to stop insulting each other.
We need to keep the language civilised, OK? And we need to stop making racist comments as well.
She's being a bitch.
She just constantly So they're allowed to call me a bitch now, are they? No, can we not use the term 'bitch'? The reason you 're pissed off is 'cause I'm more popular and you used to be the leader of the group and now I am and these guys look up to me more than you.
We're not looking up to you at all! Stop being a fucking cow! Oh, good, she just swore.
Really nice.
Did you hear that? She called me a fucking cow.
OK, ladies, we need to keep a handle on the language.
Fucking mental bitch.
You act all conservative.
You 're the biggest slut in the whole school.
How would you know? Everyone talks about it.
Bullshit! Ja'mie, the girls would like you How about everybody doesn't swear, then? Why don't you go and get a skin graft, 'cause your skin's so shit? You 're just jealous, just 'cause you 're flat.
You have no boobs.
"Oh, you need a breast reduction.
" Oh, really nice.
Really nice, Holly, considering I had an eating disorder in Year 8.
And that's why I have no tits.
Stop fake-crying, you stupid bitch! I'm still developing.
They're going to get bigger.
When I'm, like, 25, these will be huge 'cause I'm gonna get implants.
You 're so fat, the fat doesn't know where to go and pops out your chest.
I'm huge.
Language.
Stop trying to bring up other things, Ja'mie, like your little 'eating disorder'.
I am gonna, like, slap you down, bitch.
No violence! Shh! Seriously, Bec, Qantas is doing some good deals on one-way tickets to China.
Why don't you buy one? I'm from Singapore, you idiot! Asia, China, same thing.
Um, the racist comments! You idiot.
Shh! Build a fucking bridge.
Apologise! I'm not apologising for trying to be funny.
Ms Dean, all we want If you want to be my friend, you will apologise to me.
You 're a racist bitch! Have you considered that maybe I am freaking out about this? Maybe I've, like, been panic-attacking about this since yesterday! I couldn't even breathe last night.
Oh, whatever.
OK, shh! She was freaking out? See, she's trying to manipulate you, Ms Dean.
She's saying, " Oh, Bec just shouldn't be Asian.
" I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Guys, I can't breathe! Alright, girls, come on, get her on the floor, please.
I seriously can't breathe.
Oh, my God! Ja'mie, just calm down.
Takes some deep breaths, please.
Someone call my mum! Someone get a paper bag.
Paper bag, please! Hi, Jonah.
How are you? Good, miss.
Oh, good.
I'm glad you came in.
I just I wanted to ask you about this.
Did you leave this on my desk yesterday after school? Yes, miss.
Can you come and sit down? Now, Jonah, um, you wanted me to see this, didn't you? Yes, miss.
OK.
Do you want to just tell me what the picture's about? It's just my dad touching my dick or something.
OK, thought it might be that.
Now, I'm really glad you showed it to me, Jonah.
But I'm not qualified to deal with this issue so I'm gonna have to talk to Doug Peterson - is that OK with you? Yep.
OK, good.
And then we're going to have to make a report and we'll probably have to call your father.
OK.
Please go through.
Take a seat.
We've asked you here to address this issue directly, and we need to let you know we are obliged to inform Child Protection Services.
Jonah, is there anything that you would like to say to Dad? Just stop doing what you 're doing.
What the fuck am I doing? I thought YOU'd done something wrong.
What the fuck? Mr Takalua, Jonah drew a picture and in the picture, Jonah has shown you touching his genitals.
What the fuck are you talking about? This is the picture.
You little fuckwit.
Why would I want to touch his genitals? What are you thinking, drawing this shit? # I'm a party girl with a bad habit # Bad habit for drugs # I'm a naughty girl # Today it's the call-back stage of the auditions.
At the moment, we're doing Annabel.
How's that making you feel, boys? He's got a really unique talent for spotting talent.
Really, really magic to see him working with the kids like this.
# I'm a party girl with a bad habit # Bad habit for drugs # I'm a naughty girl with a bad habit # The show's set in Summer Heights High, so there are a lot of characters who are familiar to us.
A lot of teacher characters.
# My name is Mr G # Three talents, one, two, three # Singing and dancing and acting is my life # We look at Mr G and his influence on Annabel's life.
# I'm a teacher That's for sure # In a world of crazy kids # Mr G is a triple threat.
He can sing, he can dance, he can act.
Is there a kid out there that can do it? I hope so.
# At Summer Heights High! # Mr G, I just don't care about school work.
I'm using, for my audition piece, a scene between Mr G and Annabel.
Have a good night and and remember, be careful.
She turns, she sluts her way off.
Excellent.
The role of Celine is an interesting one.
We're doing a 3-week run, so I need a dog who can handle that kind of a schedule.
Do you want a smack? There are other dogs in the running that I would seriously consider, so she's really going to have to prove herself.
Keep that head to the front, please.
Do not look self-conscious.
I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have done it.
It's not even funny.
I feel really bad.
Yeah, well, thank you for apologising.
At least you know that what you did was wrong.
That's cool.
I just wish I didn't do it.
I don't want to fight anymore.
Ever again.
It's so cool.
Let's be friends forever and ever.
Yep.
Cool.
OK, that's great.
Um, how did that make you feel? Much better.
Much better.
Felt weird for me.
Bit weird for you? Yeah.
But it felt like she actually, genuinely was sorry, so it was Like it was real.
It felt good.
Did you mean it? No, but good for the exercise.
Well, what we're gonna do now is do it from Ja'mie's perspective.
Action! Hi, guys.
Did you get the picture? It was so funny! Oh, my God.
How funny was it? It was so funny.
I can't believe I accidentally sent it to you! And you and the mental illness thing.
Yeah.
So funny.
I'm so glad you guys thought it was funny.
It was hilarious.
There we go.
Alright.
Cut.
Cool.
What did you think? OK.
Now, um, what have we learnt today, girls, from these? Well, I learnt, like, if you look at people's perspective, you can really save a friendship.
I know, and I learnt that, like, you 've got to be really careful when you want to bitch about your friends.
Watch out for your MSN windows really carefully.
And that I've got the coolest and most forgiving friends in the world.
Oh, I'm so proud of you girls.
We're friends again.
I hated fighting.
I'm so glad we resolved it.
OK, back to class.
That went really well, miss.
I think that was a good way of doing it so the girls could see my perspective.
Can you guys get me a chair, please? I didn't fucking touch his fucking dick, you fuck! Admit it, Dad.
You do.
He's fucking bloody lying to you.
Tell 'em the truth.
Tell 'em what you do.
Please don't be so aggressive.
He's only What are you fucking thinking? I never fucking do this.
You don't tell them you 're bullshitting, I'm taking away the PlayStation.
Bullshit you are! The PlayStation's mine.
You can't take it away.
And then I'll make you fucking share a room with your sister.
Bullshit.
Alright, I made it up.
I just drew this as a joke.
I just knew that you 'd all flip out.
Tell them I never fucking touch your dick.
He never touches my dick.
And I've never fucking touched it.
He's never touched it.
So you just drew that? That didn't actually happen? Yeah.
You made it up? Just made it up because I wanted to get out of my English talk.
Jonah, if your dad is making you lie, you have to know that there are people who will listen to you.
No, it's true, miss What the fuck? This didn't happen? No.
I'd smash him out if he tried to do that.
Next time you make sure you get your story right.
If I come in here because you accuse me of touching his fucking dick, when I never touched it, then I'll fucking smash you.
Well You should apologise to my dad.
OK.
Um Would you like a cup of tea? Stick your fucking cup of tea up your arse.
Alright.
Emma Ainsworth, group B.
Stefan Christodoulou, group B.
Well, it's been a sleepless night and I've tossed and tossed over this, but I've come up with my final cast.
Group B, I'd like you to head over to P4 and wait for me there.
I bring the kids in, divide them into two groups.
One group is my cast, the other group have been rejected.
As you know, today's the day that I announce the cast.
And as you know Oh! Oh, this is really hard.
Um, I wish I could have had everyone in the show.
But I can't.
Um But I wanted to bring you in here to tell you that you are my cast! You 're in the show! You 're in the show! Everyone hug me! Hug me! Candice! Where's Candice? Candice, you 're Annabel.
Matt, you 're Mr G.
Celine, you 're Celine.
Stay here, celebrate.
I've got to go and talk to group B.
Well done! You 're the best cast ever.
OK, guys, shush, please.
I know you 're excited to find out who's in the cast of the show.
Quiet, please.
When I look around this room, I see a lot of talent.
Oooh! Um, this is going to be an amazing show.
That's why I wanted to tell you guys that you are not in my show! It's the other group.
It's not you guys.
You 're not in it.
So that's You can go.
You 're not in it.
It is a harsh reality that show business is a hard business.
You know, we don't all have what it takes.
You can always try for stage crew.
Didn't make it in, Toby.
You 're not in it.
OK.
You 're not in the show.
You can go now.
Go to class.
OK.
And it was your dancing that let you down, really.
Yeah.
Hmm.
I think for some kids it's better that they know now than find out later in life that they've got no talent.
I always say they'll thank me one day.
We're doing a Year 11 formal.
Girls, it's just not gonna happen.
I really want the formal.
I've told the girls, do not eat anything.
Starving for the formal.
Keep it straight.
Formals can give hope.
Stop pushing, you fat sluts.
I want to assign to you a group of Year 7 boys.
They look gay as.
You can make them do shit for you? Do neat writing.
I have to hand this in.
They called me ranga.
They called me gay.
He called me a lard-arse homo.
What did you say to him? See where it's coming from? I'm going to take a photo of my bum.
How do you know what my arse looks like? Have you been thinking about it? We are midway through rehearsals.
# Marijuana # These are the ecstasy pills.
These are our slut outfits.
I'm going to do the show as an arena spectacular.
I'm performing there, there, there, there.
I don't want retarded children in my show.
I'd like you to meet your latest cast members.
One of the parents found human faeces on the classroom floor.
# Don't get involved with drugs # " Before I root you, are you over 16?" There's a terrorist attacking the school! Christ, I can't believe this! It's really embarrassing.
You told me you were anorexic.
Obviously you were lying.