The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan (1972) s01e04 Episode Script

1
- [man scatting]
- [music plays]
[whistling]
- [whistling]
- [man scatting]
[whistling]
The Amazing Chan
[man scatting]
[buzzer sounding]
[buzzer sounding]
[buzzer sounding]
[buzzer sounding]
That's the Chan plan
[whistling]
[whistling]
[whistling]
The Amazing Chan
and the Chan Clan
The Amazing Chan
No, Stanley, not that way.
This way.
I dig! Watch this, Henry.
Care for some jelly doughnuts,
miss?
Oh, wow! Thank you!
[Henry] Will you cut it out
and shoot?
Shucks! I'll never get this
chair up!
Girls can't do anything.
See how easy it is?
Thanks, Scooter.
Scooter!
Hey, it's almost show time.
We should alert our
mutual parent.
He's in Mrs. Van Norton's cabin.
He must be looking
at her painting.
- It cost a million dollars!
- A million dollars?
For that, she could
have gotten wallpaper.
Mrs. Van Norton,
that painting is a masterpiece.
It might be wise if you locked
it in the ship's vault
for safekeeping.
I think it's safe here,
Mr. Chan.
I don't know.
Looks like a cinch heist to me.
Gabriel is always on guard
when I'm away.
Well, it might be a good idea
to think about it anyway.
[Flip] Hi! Hi! Yipes!
Uh, just testing him out, Pop.
Flip, I think we better get up
to the ship's theater,
before we miss the Chan Plan's
performance.
- [music plays]
- I've got you covered
Know every move you make
When you walk
down the street
Know every step you take
You can't escape me
So why not surrender?
Honey, I'll treat you
so warm and tender
I-I-I-I-I
Got my eye on you
Yes, I do
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Now for the next number
on my show
Hey, wait a minute.
What do you mean "your show?"
Look, dumb-dumb, you're just
a piece of wood, so be quiet.
You're talking to yourself
and I'm a dumb-dumb?
[whispering inaudibly]
[Mrs. Van Norton]
The painting, it's gone!
[Flip] What did I tell you, Pop?
Like knocking over a piggy bank.
I don't know how
it could have happened.
Gabriel was here
in the suite all the time.
[Charlie] Are you sure only the
maid and steward were here,
- before we left?
- [Gabriel] I was watching
them every minute.
We seem to have a phantom
onboard.
- What's going on?
- I think the big guy
is our pigeon.
[Mimi] Pop's gonna
need our help.
I'll bet it was the maid.
I know the whole thing
sounds impossible,
but that painting
just disappeared.
I vote the steward.
I would like to look
in the other room again.
I'll go with Pop.
If Gabriel tries to leave,
stop him.
Right.
[nervous chuckle]
Can I get you something?
Uh, a glass of milk?
A cookie?
- [nervous chuckle]
- Spot something, Pop?
If you'll notice, all the
drawers have been opened.
But none of the contents
were disturbed.
Yeah, this crook was crooked.
But he's neat.
[Mimi] I can't see Pop.
He went into the bedroom.
And there's our m.o.
The maid's cleaning cart.
Nancy and Suzie are
gonna be sorry they
missed out on this one.
Come on!
We can hide
in this cleaning cart.
- This is our place.
- Yeah, we thought of it first.
Move over, we're coming in.
Me too! I gotta keep
an eye on him.
I'm sure it's the maid.
[Scooter] We'll check her later.
- What is it, Pop?
- Looks like rope fiber.
Gee, it sure is cramped in here.
I'm scratching my leg
and I can't even feel it.
That's because you're scratching
my leg.
If Pop found rope fibers,
that means the maid
didn't clean the room, right?
Right. And that means
she's in on it, like I said.
OK, so we check up on her,
right?
- [Mimi] Right.
- [Scooter] Right.
With your permission,
Gabriel,
I would like to see your room.
You two wait here.
Pop's gonna need
our help on this one.
Don't worry. From here on,
my sense are honed razor sharp.
These eyes won't miss a thing.
- Psst! Stanley!
- You find something?
Stanley! Take that stupid
disguise off.
How did you know it was me?
Skip it. If we can find some
fingerprints in here,
we may have our thief.
Hey! You're right.
We'll have to get samples
of all the suspect's prints.
You all right, Henry?
You look awfully pale.
- What'd you do that for?
- I'm looking for fingerprints
on your pointed head.
There's no sign
of the painting here.
I just knew it had
to be someone else.
Cabin 2B.
This room, it's directly
under yours, isn't it,
Mrs. Van Norton?
Yes, it is. I couldn't get both
cabins on the same deck.
Did you hear Pop? This cabin is
directly below Mrs. Van
Norton's.
Which means he could have passed
the painting down to an
accomplice by rope.
If it was up to me,
I'd make the bust right now.
- We're gonna need
evidence first.
- Then we'll get it.
From here on,
this gumshoe's gonna
be tailing him day and night.
Would you mind getting these
bracelets off me first?
Uh-oh. I forgot
to bring the key.
Oh, fine! Fine.
See? She could have taken the
painting out by pillow case
and sent it down
to the laundry room.
Yeah! I'll bet the painting
is in one of those bags
down the chute.
Come on, let's search the bags.
[laughing]
- What was that?
- I didn't hear anything.
How are we gonna get down there?
- Same way the laundry does.
- But what if we land
in the wash?
Then you won't have
to take a bath tonight.
Great. Everyone
picks on me.
[all] It's the
phantom sea thief!
- [ghost moaning]
- Let's get out of here!
Maybe a fog screen
will slow him up.
[steam hissing]
- Do you think we lost him?
- No!
- Look!
- [ghost cackling]
- [all shouting]
- [barking]
- Where to now?
- Anyplace but here.
Where does this conveyor belt
go to?
Who cares, as long as it's away
from that creep.
[ghost cackling]
[Mimi] I got soap in my ears!
[coughing]
That takes care
of Saturday night's bath.
Oh, good!
What's the steward doing now?
[Stanley] Picking up
empty glasses.
Good. His fingerprints
should be all over them.
When he passes,
I'll just reach out
and grab a glass!
Ow!
Can't you do anything right?
What are we gonna do now?
We blew it!
No problem. I'll just follow him
into the kitchen,
and get the glass there.
But he's liable to recognize you
and get suspicious.
He'll never be suspicious
of a waitress.
[high-pitched] Well,
how do I look?
What are you doing in that
dumb outfit, Stanley?
Don't worry.
It'll work like a dream!
You stay here.
I'll be right back with a glass.
[high-pitched] You big,
handsome devil.
- We got it!
- Great.
Let's get that glass back to our
cabin and compare prints.
Oh, boy! If they match,
we've nailed our man.
And we've got the proof positive
right here!
Yeah, in a thousand pieces.
Hi, there.
Just came by to cheer you up.
And now, here's the man who puts
the words in my mouth,
Dicky Benson!
I hope we're not
disturbing you.
Oh, no. I was just having tea.
Will you join me?
Oh, thanks.
You know, I just had an idea
that might get your
painting back.
Very interesting.
How would you go about it?
Well, I bet the thief
would prefer money
instead of the painting
and would return it
if a large reward was offered.
Oh, dear. If I thought it
would work. What do you think,
Mr. Chan?
They say that honey will catch
more flies than vinegar.
Oh, Dicky, if this works I'll
buy you a very nice present.
Well, really, that's not
necessary, ma'am.
- Speak for yourself, dumb-dumb.
- [laughs]
[man over PA] Now here this.
This is the captain.
Mrs. Van Norton will
pay a reward of $10,000
to anyone knowing the
whereabouts of her
stolen painting.
No questions asked.
Well, gang,
it's up the Chan Clan now.
We gotta deliver that crook
before the ransom is paid.
[all] Right!
He went into the steam room.
Probably meeting a contact.
- I'm going to eavesdrop.
- But he knows you're a Chan.
True, but when I go in there,
it won't be as a Chan.
Stanley, what are you doing?
I'm about to deliver the crooks
and the painting.
Don't worry, he'll
never know it's me.
Hi. What business are you in?
I'm in art myself. Paintings,
any kind, hot or cold.
- [steward] Huh? Who are you?
- Just an average art dealer.
As I was saying Huh?
Where'd he go? He can't have
been gone too long.
The seat's still warm.
- What?
- Quiet, and listen.
I'll be there.
You just bring your money.
That's it. The payoff.
And we'll be there too.
Alan here. Gabriel
just left his cabin
and is headed in your direction.
Pass the word.
This is Tom. Suspect is leaving
C deck and proceeding
to deck below.
This is Suzie. Gabriel just
turned the corner and is
headed for the engine room.
Be right there.
Keep him staked out.
We'll all make
the bust together.
See? The steward's meeting
Gabriel in there.
- [man] You brought the money?
- [Gabriel] Don't worry.
I have got more than enough.
This is it.
He's paying him off.
- Come on. Let's tell Pop.
- No time. I've got a plan.
See that master switch?
I'll pull the switch.
In the darkness,
you rush in, grab the painting,
and take off!
I rush in?
I've got a better idea.
I'll pull the switch,
and you rush in.
Don't argue!
Just do it!
But how am I gonna find the
painting in the dark?
Look, Stanley, I can't
think of everything.
- [Flip] Hey, what happened?
- [Scooter] It's a trap!
- [Mimi] Hey, I can't see!
- [Flip] Somebody find
the switch.
- Go ahead.
- Are you sure the lights are
out in there too?
Maybe that switch just covers
the engine room.
Will you stop worrying
and go?
Uh, hi, fellas. [chuckles]
I was just looking
for the lifeboat.
Lifeboat?
- There's our pigeon.
- And the steward.
Let's get 'em!
Well, we've done it.
We are innocent, Captain.
It was just an
innocent poker game.
- Wham, bam, we're in a jam!
- You can say that again.
Please forgive my offspring.
The enthusiasm of youth.
[phone rings]
Gee, Pop, we were so sure
that Gabriel and the steward
had the painting.
Yeah, it all seemed to add up.
And your total came to zero.
Mr. Chan, Mrs. Van Norton would
like to see you immediately.
It seems impossible.
My cabin was locked
when I went to dinner.
When I returned, this note was
pinned to the wall.
[Charlie] "Place $10,000
in this room at midnight,
and stay away for one hour.
Your painting will be returned."
Oh, Mr. Chan, who's behind this?
And how is he getting
into my cabin?
I think all your questions
will be answered at midnight.
[snoring]
They fell asleep
while they were waiting.
I still don't know what we're
doing here, Mr. Chan.
But I'm sure you have
a good reason.
We'll wait here.
Well, it's midnight.
I hope we're in the right place.
- [crashing]
- [Charlie] Nancy?
No, Pop. It's me this time.
Aye you're supposed
to be asleep.
We thought you might need help.
So did we, Pop.
[Charlie] You can all help
by staying out of sight
and keeping quiet!
- [coughing]
- [Flip] Hold it! Listen!
- We've got 'em, Pop!
- Here's the crook, Pop!
Crook? I am not a crook.
- What are you doing here?
- I was just taking a shortcut
to my room.
- You'll have to stay here
for now.
- If we get any more people
in here, there won't be enough
room for the crook!
[Charlie] Sh! Listen.
[door rattling]
If Benson is our thief,
how could he get the money
out of the Van Norton cabin
and still be up here
at the same time?
You'll find out in a minute.
What are you doing in here
at this hour, Benson?
[stammering] Uh, we
I mean, uh well, I
I just wanted to rehearse
a new routine with my dummy,
Seymour.
[Henry] Hey, Pop,
I don't see the dummy.
Where is he?
Quick, everyone into the room,
and close the door.
Stanley, turn off the lights.
And Captain, see that Benson
does not leave.
Keep quiet, everyone.
And that means you, Mr. Benson.
Stanley, the lights.
- There's your thief.
- My goodness!
The dummy's alive!
[Flip] Seymour's not a dummy.
He's a midget!
It must have been your big mouth
that gave us away.
No, honest, Seymour,
I did everything you told me.
It wasn't Dicky, Seymour.
It was the hole
in the bottom of your shoe.
- Huh? My shoe?
- Yes.
A real dummy can't walk,
so he'd have no reason
to wear out his shoes.
Your shoes needed re-soling.
While the children were onstage
this afternoon,
Seymour lowered himself
from this porthole
into the Van Norton porthole
below.
He climbed up the dresser
drawers, and took the painting.
- We'll get him, Pop!
- He's getting away!
He can't get far!
I'll get him!
We'll all get him!
Watch this shot.
[Tarzan yell]
[Flip] Quick, grab the net,
Anne!
Well, that wraps up
this case.
- And Seymour too.
- Pesty kid detectives!
For what you did, I would
consider it an honor
if you would eat at my table
for the rest of the voyage.
Oh, we will! We will!
I mean, we will, won't we,
Daddy?
[chuckles] We will indeed,
Captain.
Otherwise, I don't think
I'd have any peace
for the rest of the trip.
It's Seymour! He's loose!
- [barking]
- [laughing]