The Artful Dodger (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

Dodge, you know I did warn
you about diggin' up the dead.
Still, nobody could have
predicted an exploding corpse.
You know, I rather enjoyed
my life before you showed up.
That's nice. To the man who raised you.
You're a blight, Fagin.
- A canker.
- Things will turn.
It'll take time before we reach
the lofty tops of our success
when we was the toast of London.
We weren't even the toast
of Clerkenwell Green.
My coat!
Hey, look, I found your sit-upons.
You see, our luck's changing.
- (HORSE WHINNIES)
- Oh, our carriage awaits.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
You're not flaggin' it down?
Oi.
Wait.
Bloody hell! It's that Gaines geezer.
- Quick, hide yourself. Hide.
- Okay.
Gentlemen, would you care for a lift?
No, just out for a stroll.
Oh, I insist.
Aight.
ROTTY: You have any
luck with them marrows?
You should bring 'em round, so
as I can take a look at them.
You want to look at
my shrivelled marrows?
(CHUCKLES) You're not wrong.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Sherbet. You know, the sun's up.
I'd better rush back
before anyone wakes.
You can't stay for a boiled egg?
No, they'll be up soon.
Their eyes will be out and
their disdain in full flight.
I'll have you in me head all day.
You don't mean that in jest, do you?
Not at all.
It's just, I don't think I've
heard those words come from a woman.
In a pleasant way.
- Swing by as soon as you can.
- Yes.
My colleague and I just buried
a cadaver, I do apologise.
Gambling last night, Doctor?
No. Just out, saving lives.
I imagine you've learned
your lesson there.
How so?
Darius tells me that you owe
him a great deal of money.
I would sooner dance upon nothing
than darken medicine's name
by involving myself in larceny.
The noose has been strung.
Doesn't matter much who hangs
first, the guilty hang eventually.
That's a lot of hanging.
Here we are, gentlemen.
Oh, one last question.
How would burying a corpse
leave you covered in
Viscera.
Typhoid, I'm afraid.
We had to burn the cadavers and
this was a particularly gaseous one.
- He knows. He's on to us.
- Yes, I picked that up.
Between him and Darius,
what are we gonna do?
An enemy's only an enemy
till you stitch 'em up.
Now, Darius is trying to
fling you in the excrement
with all this gab of your debt.
I say, let's return the favour,
nobble him for the crime,
and then we could go and
have a nice rum and a pie
down the old Bagpipes.
I have somewhat a moral quandary
with that. They'll hang him.
He didn't have any about
hackin' your meat-hooks off.
As a doctor, I refuse to take a life.
And I won't swing for the
one time I didn't nick it.
No. You're gonna have to
come up with something else.
(DOOR OPENS)
Which of you festering whores
ruined me with the itch?
Who did this?
Put it away, Darius.
My girls is all clean.
They've just been checked.
Why did I spend most of the week
with my bollocks in a bucket of gin?
I'll take this week's
sugar while I'm here.
I'd look elsewhere for
suspicion if I was you.
Perhaps that devout wife of
your dear friend, Captain Gaines,
you've been bonestorming
No!
(CHOKES)
Whatever you're implying,
I guess we'll never find out.
HETTY: Rash check! Check your rosebush!
Rotty. Rotty!
GAINES: I've papered the
town in reward posters
and already, there are a
number of critical leads
about the stolen soldiers' pay.
They won't get far.
Bloody well catch them, then.
This has really dragged on.
If the soldiers don't
get paid, they'll riot.
It's in hand.
Is it? It's been nearly a week.
Is it not possible they've fled?
- He's doing the best he can.
- (DARIUS WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
Are we whispering now
in Government House?
Something we're not privy to?
An old whore got her
throat slashed, Milady.
An old whore? Uh, which one?
From the Cat and Bagpipes.
She's at the hospital,
I doubt she'll make it.
You could show some
concern for this poor woman.
- Governor?
- Well, he could.
And get on top of this wages thing.
- Are you all right, Father?
- Uh, yes, yes.
Uh, out for a walk. Might
drop by the hospital.
The Professor's making
noises about retiring again.
Need to choose a new Head Surgeon.
- I'll come with.
- No. No need.
I know just the man to choose.
DRIVER: Move aside! Move!
(GROANING)
(CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Tails. My turn.
Lady Belle. What are you doing here?
I'm with my father to
observe your work together.
He's scouting for Head Surgeon, I hope?
Hmm, I think you'll find
the charnel house of surgery
rather upsetting, milady.
This isn't a pantomime.
There's real blood involved.
If you'd like to assist, you might
read to the convalescing patients.
Most of them can't read a word.
Hmm.
Father paid for that
man's medical education.
Should've paid a bit more.
- You're not going in?
- He won the coin toss.
That's how you assign surgeries?
What does she need?
Carotid ligation.
- Can he do it?
- Maybe.
Could you?
Yes.
(ROTTY GURGLING)
(BREATHING RAGGEDLY)
Privileged to have you
here, Your Excellency.
Mmm.
Her neck has been cut with a blade
and I'll be doing an
exceedingly difficult procedure,
- a carotid ligation.
- (GROANS)
Shut up, please.
Speed and dexterity.
If she doesn't die of shock, tying
the ligation could finish her off.
Right.
As always, here's hoping we
don't shoot into the brown.
(THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING)
First, I must open the wound.
Dear God!
What?
My finger is now hooked
around her artery.
Come on!
Using forceps to slip the
linen under the artery.
Tying the ligation!
The ligation's been
tied. What-ho! She bumps!
(CROWD CHEERING)
MAN: Yes, sir. Sherbet! (CHUCKLES)
TIM: Into the hat for you, kind sir.
Thank you very much.
Keep it coming, gentlemen.
Well, that was quite the performance.
Just shy of an
orchestra. Sneed's absurd.
The surgery was competent.
He's making a tilt for Head Surgeon.
Christ. He'll be insufferable.
It should be you.
No, I'm a surgeon. I'm not a
pen-pusher. They'd hardly take me.
It's a paid position.
You'd have a house and a salary.
You could break from
your life of thievery.
My thievery has been very occasional.
Perhaps I should say
it in criminal terms.
This position is being stolen from you.
It is not based on cutting skill.
I would have to hobnob
in some grand house.
If you mean my house, it's an estate.
Head Surgeon is a position given
to men my father finds familiar.
That's me finished, then.
By the distinction of
having good manners.
And that dismal art happens to be
something that I am an expert in.
Let me help you.
Milady.
(CHUCKLES)
GAINES: A word, Rainsford.
I've heard reports that Dr.
Dawkins is in considerable debt.
We live like monks on
tithings. I get paid in poultry.
It's completely untenable,
unless one has a private means.
- And he hasn't?
- (SCOFFS)
His debts draw suspicion.
No, that's quite the leap.
I hope you're not alluding
that my colleague is involved
in this sordid business?
I need all the hands I can get.
That said, wouldn't
put him up for the club.
(CHUCKLES) No, no, of course not.
One last word.
Has there been an outbreak
of typhoid recently?
Not for six years.
Thank you, Rainsford.
You've been very helpful.
What the hell are you doing?
There was no typhoid outbreak.
No, it was a false alarm.
We were overly cautious.
Excuse me, those are medical
instruments, I need those.
I know you're responsible.
What, for typhoid?
For the theft.
There are two paths for you, Doctor,
and for that shambles of a human being.
One path leads to the
gallows with a swift drop.
The other leads to the gallows
via flogging and torture.
Which would you prefer?
I'm sorry, what was the first one again?
Sir, there's nothing here.
No. And with good reason.
Because we didn't nick the cash.
It'll surface.
Have you heard about this
reward? Twenty gold shigs.
Yeah, they've put a mark on our heads.
It's almost worth turning ourselves in.
We need to find Red, get
that money and put it back.
Nah, she's stitched
us twice and vanished.
We need to smoke the bird out.
Is that your grand plan?
And you do realise what will
happen if we don't smoke her out?
I suppose I'll be
assigned another master.
No. I'll see to it that you're
swingin' right next to me.
Have a little faith in your old
man. Anyone can nick a sack o' gold.
You know who makes it
reappear? A magician.
Jack, I need you to come.
Sneed! Your patient.
More than happy to explain
the procedure, Dawkins.
Please do. It's rather urgent.
Urgent?
What's she done now?
The carotid aneurysm
needs a second surgery.
The Governor's watched this surgery
and I've been invited to
Government House to celebrate it.
Let's try and keep her alive until
after the second dessert, shall we?
- HETTY: Dr. Sneed!
- Very good.
(HEART BEATING)
Belle, are you home?
Dr. Sneed has been invited
to join us for dinner.
We'll be in the second dining room,
which fits the evening for its intimacy.
I'm being served on a platter for
him. I hope it's not too pointed.
No man wants to feel trapped,
even in the spoils of the colony.
(CHUCKLES)
You want to marry sniffly Sneed,
the boy who cried when
we used to tease him?
He's grown and very ready for a wife.
I always forget you're unwell.
DODGER: Psst!
Dr. Dawkins, I have a front door.
I have a patient with a carotid
aneurysm. What do you know?
Astley Cooper performed
it twice 50 odd years ago.
- He did?
- Mmm-hmm.
- That's encouraging.
- Not really. Half the patients died.
Ah.
What about with ether and carbolic acid,
does that change the odds?
I've never done this before.
Few surgeons have. But yes, it might.
We'll need a fresh
cadaver to practice with.
I can find the means if
you have to pay for it.
(CHUCKLES) No, we don't
pay for cadavers, Belle.
We just borrow them.
Has your father had
anyone recently hanged?
ALASTAIR: So, we
released rabbits, and
- Eleven o'clock.
- Tonight. Try and bring your books if you can.
GOVERNOR: So, Sneed's the
man to replace you, you think?
- ALASTAIR: The only reasonable option.
- GOVERNOR: Yeah.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
- DODGER: Tim, the noose is upon us.
What've you done now?
But the more pressing question
is what have you done to us?
Now, we need Red here
to discuss the matter
of us bein' in the noose's shadow
for the shigs that she nicked.
No.
We could always drag you
down to Captain Gaines
and have you recount your sordid
tale of desecrating corpses
and hidin' the proceeds of crime.
But we wouldn't do that
now, would we, Dodge?
She can't be summoned.
How do you run a house if
you can't find your woman?
She finds me.
If I've been generous to you at all
and I believe that I have been very,
then I ask for just a
portion of your loyalty.
Pricey, isn't it? Your loyalty.
Did you know?
Surgeons know everything
about the female body.
Female body, no.
If Sneed's Head Surgeon and we marry,
I suppose I'll be
matron of the hospital.
Patron of the hospital. Yes.
You're feigning disinterest,
because you think he'll choose you.
Go to bed. Honestly.
If I am patron, we could host
charitable balls together.
Wouldn't that be grand? You
wouldn't find me so tedious, then.
I hope you pursue whatever
interests you with absolute resolve.
Why? Is there something
wrong with Sneed?
I don't think he's a good match.
No. But run amok. Find out, I say.
You make everything less fun.
(CHUCKLES)
BELLE: "A large thrombus
developing proximal to their thread
- and occluding the artery "
- Faster.
"The ligation will prevent
the propagation of the clot
from spreading through the blood vessel
and release vasospasm."
- You haven't started.
- Keep going.
"Then hold the artery in one's mouth "
I don't think we'll be doing that.
I'll apply the clamps
and then sew us out.
I am thoroughly confused.
I need to ligate without
laying eyes on it.
You can't have gathered all that
Champagne?
Are you quite serious?
(CHUCKLES)
Ugh, I'm not trying that again.
After a certain number of dead
bodies, the taste does improve.
(EXHALES)
I suppose one gets used to it.
What I'd prefer is less death.
Why commit an operation
like that to memory?
Why make it harder for yourself
when you could just
follow Cooper's notes?
It's just how I do it.
Good night.
(FAGIN SNORING)
(FAGIN GRUNTS)
She will meet with ya.
Not you.
The old fella.
Wait. Did she say "old"? Is that
her actual word or is that you?
She said, "The white ghost
who's close to his grave."
Right. Thank you. I can
see why you changed it.
When will they meet?
The bush. First light. I'll
Nah, not the bush. I'll find
us a nice tavern with a booth.
Nah, not with Red. She's called you.
And don't bring a weapon.
She'll cut your neck
before you've seen her.
No, the only weapons I need are these.
(GROANS) Tim! Tim!
This brutal orb. Don't it ever turn off?
Used to do me best work in a heavy fog.
This is just unnecessary.
Tim! Tim!
Tim!
Ladies and gentlemen, there you are.
(CLEARS THROAT) Now, listen,
my master and I, we're
gonna swing from our necks
if we don't produce them
gold coins you nicked.
If we hang, all right?
You're gonna hang, too, because
I'm actually quite petty that way.
Or we could turn this to our mutual
benefit and just collect that
All right.
Look, you can't fence
new sovereign coins,
so why not take the reward money
you can actually spend by plantin'
the shigs on another chump?
I'm listening.
- DODGER: Let me save you, Rotty.
- (ROTTY GROANS)
I'm gonna need a nod from you.
(HOARSELY) Darius.
Darius? Darius did this?
He got the Jim, Bobs, the Babs.
The what?
He The dribs and drabs.
Dribs and drabs? I hate to
ask, but can you be more clear?
He got crabs!
We'll ruin him.
Shit him up.
Yes. Right. Shit him up. How?
Shit him up.
All right. Could you be a
little bit more specific?
Sneed has stepped out, let's get her in.
- It's all right.
- (ROTTY GROANS)
DODGER: And we're in.
"A large thrombus developing pro "
"Proximal to their threads and
occluding the artery." I have it.
- "The carotid corpus "
- Will you stop, please?
"The ligation will prevent
the propagation of the clot
and reduce vasospasm."
Is this the artery?
I think so.
You think so? If you're wrong, she dies.
Yes.
Clamps.
- You have time
- I have it.
There. It's on. Final ligation. Scalpel.
I'm not getting it.
What? You can't let her.
There.
God, I hope.
You hope?
It's tied. It's tied.
(GASPS)
(CHUCKLES)
You realise this is the
first ever successful ligation
of a carotid aneurysm?
- Give it a minute.
- We can publish in The Lancet.
- I'll use my initials.
- Will you wait?
But she's got a pulse.
Even if the patient
doesn't live for long,
this is an unmatched
medical achievement.
No. That is called a failure.
I don't want my name
associated with that article.
But I can't use my name on it!
Then, leave it.
There's a dinner at Government
House to discuss Head Surgeon.
Is that before or
after the sugared plums?
Afterwards, obviously.
Let me know how it goes.
If you have any ambition,
then you have to fight for it.
I shall be turned
around like a curiosity.
If Sneed's Head Surgeon, he'll
be the end of all progress.
You won't get around him like the Prof.
With you at the helm,
we could make this colony
into a beacon of medicine.
So, this is about you.
I see it as a partnership.
I could counsel my father
and put you in that role.
Everything you've wanted
to try would be possible.
At least come to this
dinner, see it discussed?
- And Red's in on this?
- Largely, yes.
So, she's willing to forfeit all the
stolen money and claim the reward?
In a manner of speakin'.
I just need your help
with one other thing.
A straightforward misdiagnosis.
Pervert my calling?
Just this once, that'd be lovely.
When a doctor becomes a
criminal, all hell breaks loose.
No, you'd be finessing the
truth by telling Mrs. Gaines
that her simple case
of crabs is in fact
(GERMAN ACCENT) Syphilis.
It starts with a terrible
itch in the loins,
and creeps up
until the conk drops off.
Not in this house.
I'll thank you to leave.
FAGIN: This is delicate, Frau Gaines.
Someone you know has recently
been diagnosed with the rot.
The gentleman in
question's a Harbour Master.
Darius Cracksworth.
He has been known
to take advantage of
a maid in my charge.
Yes. There is a cure.
An overnight carriage,
blacked out windows.
We must be discreet. The
Harbour Master is married.
(SHUDDERS) And how much will it cost?
Formidably expensive.
How much do you have?
Um
Ah.
Tonight.
"Jack Dawkins?"
Did we invite him?
We've invited Sneed and the Prof.
Do you think we should snub
the best surgeon in the colony?
Isn't he rather coarse?
Have you been alone with the surgeon?
There's always another body in the room.
He has your interest.
So, it's only fair that I extend
the same generous attention
toward him tonight.
Welcome. Now, forgive the staff.
They're difficult to punish
as they're indentured.
It's hardly Mayfair, is it?
No, perhaps you're right.
Perhaps, it's all in vain.
No, not at all. No,
it's a terrific turnout.
- The gardens
- Yeah.
Now, Fanny, darling?
Oh, you look rather lovely.
- Darling?
- What?
Governor.
- GOVERNOR: Dr. Sneed.
- Thank you for your hospitality.
GOVERNOR: My pleasure.
I think I may have grown more attached
to the idea of Sneed than Sneed.
Is that possible?
SNEED: Yes, the surgery
I don't know the first
thing about men at all.
- What's Dawkins doing here?
- Why wouldn't he be?
Dawkins isn't quite the man
of medicine you think he is.
- You take off with my coins
- FAGIN: Yes, yes, yes.
I'll stick with the plan, or
you'll slice the conk from me bonce.
(GUESTS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Thank you.
ALASTAIR: Yes, absolutely.
(GLASS TINGING)
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to thank you all
for coming this evening
on this thunderously balmy evening.
And to give our medical men
a really terrific nod for
their surgical exploits.
It's not for the faint of heart.
- Anyway, enjoy the evening.
- DODGER: Thank you.
Oh, interesting.
- LADY JANE: Quail egg.
- GOVERNOR: Looks quite yummy.
Dr. Dawkins, you've recently joined
us in the land of the misbegotten?
No, I've been here some time now.
You washed up ashore, did you?
Dr. Dawkins was decorated for
gallantry at the Siege of Sevastopol.
Um
Just as a Surgeon Lieutenant.
It's nothing more than butchery, Milady,
and I grew tired of that, so
And before then? Your people?
English.
But I found myself searching for
more modern solutions in medicine.
And I know I am out of favour
with some in this audience,
but I do believe that death
rate could be halved
The pain itself is God's work.
Quite right. It's very corrective.
Too many patients die on the
slab. There has to be a better way.
There's a reason Galen's precepts
are still in use 2,000 years later.
Yes, that's all very
interesting, but, you know,
it's not often that one gets
front row seats to real brilliance.
Which is why we're here.
Yesterday, one had
the privilege of seeing
Dr. Sneed's skill with the local woman.
Rotty's still kicking. Happy to say.
Yeah? She calls herself Rotty,
or was that given posthumously?
She isn't dead, darling.
At any rate, Prof's not immortal.
- More's the pity.
- (ALL CHUCKLING)
And we must plan for the future,
when the position of Head
Surgeon will become available.
- Dr. Sneed
- Wasn't Dr. Dawkins responsible
for the second surgery
that saved Rotty's life?
- A second surgery?
- He did what?
- I thought you said you'd fixed her.
- I most certainly did, sir.
There's no accounting for
what he did after that.
I believe Dr. Dawkins
successfully treated
the first carotid aneurysm in history.
We haven't even started on the soup.
I love soup.
- (SOBS)
- My dear.
The doctor was sure
that it was syphilis?
I've brought everything I need.
Our old lives are behind us now.
We'll just have to scratch
together whatever we can salvage.
But we are just goin'
overnight, aren't we?
No, we can never come back.
We'll start again in Newcastle.
I'm free of him. I'm free of that man.
And I've brought
valuables that we can sell.
- Is this all you have?
- I don't know what that is.
It's not my bag.
But, my darling, I thought we'd just go
and take the baths
and be back by morning.
Back by morning?
Yes. Just to
Stop the carriage! Stop it!
- (HORSE WHINNIES)
- Help.
Please, no
Stop the
We're locked in!
Stop the carriage!
Really, it's nothing.
Surgery on a carotid aneurysm
hasn't been done since
Cooper, 40 years ago.
I'm intrigued.
How is it Dawkins stumbled
on Cooper's case notes
and then used those to
operate on my patient?
We have the finest
library of medical texts.
I practiced on a cadaver.
From the little I know, Dr.
Dawkins followed Cooper's lectures,
word for word, with remarkable success.
How was he able to
draw from the lectures
without the rather requisite
skill of being able to read?
(CHUCKLES)
You operated on the old
girl and you can't read?
It's nonsense. Of course Jack can read.
All right. You. Out! Now!
Why are we standing? Do I entertain
them on the pipe organ now?
Sit down!
I'm afraid I, too,
have an uncomfortable
revelation. About the stolen pay.
Now seems an appropriate
time to deliver it.
My suspicions were first aroused
when told there'd been an outbreak
of typhoid and I can now confirm
- Get your hands off me!
- Captain Gaines.
Found this vagrant screamin'
he's got urgent news.
Flog him now or flog him in jail?
Is no one interested
in this urgent news?
This man is my servant.
And as such, I take full
responsibility for him
and whatever it is he's been up to.
Yes, well, I have vital
information about the soldiers' pay.
Please.
Your Majesties,
allow me to unfold a sordid
tale of unmatched woe.
Lucien.
Take me home! This is absurd!
- The coins aren't ours.
- Ours?
Ours?
I have been kidnapped.
Darius has been a dear friend
and whilst it's sad to see
him hang, shackle him now.
Take them to the lock up.
Lucien!
- DARIUS: Get off me!
- PEGGY: Lucien!
Well, you've certainly
earned the reward
Norbert Fagin, sir.
- PEGGY: I'm your wife!
- Just doing me civic duty.
Yes.
PEGGY: You are bound to me.
You can't just cast me aside!
Dr. Dawkins! Jack!
You dragged me here
for your own ambitions.
You only invited me because
when Sneed takes over,
he won't allow you
anywhere near a surgery,
and you thought that I
might. Just admit that.
Clearly, I backed the wrong horse.
You are more than welcome to
attend a surgery as a nurse.
But no, that's well beneath you.
Why don't you just enjoy the rare
option of never havin' to work?
I am rare.
I've had biology tutors
and medical texts.
I've corresponded with surgeons.
I'll never see the inside
of a surgical theatre,
but they'll take a man who can't read.
I can read!
I can read.
Just not very well.
Words swirl on the page for me.
And yes, perhaps I am the wrong horse
because I'm not in a
position to help you.
Certainly not after tonight, not
after the actor failed to perform.
But you could have been, with
my influence, Head Surgeon.
We would have made quite the team.
Well, you can take the
boy out of East London,
but you really shouldn't.
(CHUCKLES)
We just killed a man. You
mind toning down the glee?
Now, we didn't off Darius.
That's the beauty of it. Gaines
will. Our conscience is clear.
Belle will never speak to me again.
There she is.
Give it up, Fagin.
RED: I'll take half.
Now, my
We'll make it a half. Yes.
Oi!
She's done it again!
Fagin, I really don't care.
FAGIN: Hey, Dodge.
Stick a couple o' shigs
on for your old man.
Deal me in.