The Big Show Show (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

[upbeat pop music playing]
[Big Show] Oh, yeah!
- [music fades]
- Here it is!
Dad and Lola's world-famous
hot dog tater tot casserole!
Boom appétit!
[audience laughs]
Dad, I think it's bon appétit.
Not when it's an explosion of flavors.
This is like eating fireworks.
JJ, you can't eat fireworks!
[audience laughs]
Dad and I came up with this recipe
when I was eight.
We stuffed our faces
while binging Top Chef.
And then we made these aprons.
Because you're nerds?
- [audience laughs]
- And now this is gonna be
on Good Mid-Morning, Tampa Bay
with Mike & May.
I'm gonna be on their segment
where celebrities make
their favorite dish.
Which celebrity is making your dish?
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles mockingly] Just try it.
This looks like trash,
but it's delish.
[audience laughs]
I told you the Greek yogurt
would give it a little kick.
Dad didn't want to put it in
'cause he's safe and old.
- [utensils rattle]
- [girls] Ooh!
[audience laughs]
I may be old, but I am also beautiful.
Just like this dish,
which is a masterpiece,
like the Mona Lisa.
Or Crocs, the world's breeziest shoe.
[audience laughs]
None for me.
It's too heavy.
I'm debating Taylor Swift today,
and I need to stay sharp.
[exhales] I love Taylor Swift.
I would kill to be in her squad.
- [audience laughs]
- Dad, we've been over this.
Different Taylor Swift.
- Doesn't change how I feel!
- [audience laughs]
Taylor's already ahead of me in the polls,
and now I heard Monica B.
might be endorsing him.
Isn't Monica B. that girl
that lived in a car with her dad?
- [audience laughs]
- No!
She's the biggest Influencer
in school.
She's been Instagramming
the entire election.
If you get her to endorse you, game over.
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy sighs heavily]
I'm gonna have to DVR
your cooking thing today.
If I can get the Stevens to put a bid
on the Lippon listing
You mean the haunted one?
No, not haunted.
- We're calling it "spiritually adjacent."
- [audience laughs]
But if I can sell that haunted house,
I can finally get my promotion.
Oh. Wait a minute.
What is going on?
[female newscaster] Breaking news: a sinkhole has opened
at the corner of Bayside and Palm Drive.
Bayside and Palm? That's across the street
from the kids' school.
- [both groaning] Oh, no.
- [phones chiming]
- [Cassy sighs]
- And school is canceled.
- [yelling] No!
- Yes!
But I have my debate!
This is a disaster!
Both natural and personal!
[audience laughs]
What is a sinkhole anyway?
It's this terrifying thing
where the Earth collapses in on itself
and swallows cars and homes,
and like pretty much everything else.
[chanting] Sinkhole Day!
- Sinkhole Day!
- [audience laughs]
Sinkhole Day!
[screaming] Sinkhole Day!
[audience laughs]
- What can I say? The kid loves a sinkhole.
- [audience laughs]
[bells ding]
[upbeat pop opening credit playing]
[music fades]
[sighs] Okay, if school's canceled,
we need to figure out what to do
with the girls.
I'm gonna head to the Greyhound track.
I got a hot tip on the third race.
[audience laughs]
- That's a no.
- [audience laughs]
Hey, why don't you come
to the station with me,
so you can see our dish
get its big TV premiere?
Well, I was gonna stay home
and watch your old wrestling DVDs.
- Really?
- No! God, no! Of course I wanna come!
- [audience laughs]
- [both cheer]
Are you sure that's a good idea?
You two get so competitive
and always end up arguing.
This is mid-morning TV.
Almost 2,000 people might be watching.
[audience laughs]
Relax, Cass.
We got this.
Hey, JJ, you should come to work
with me today.
I think you, in particular,
could benefit from seeing
how honest hard work can pay off.
That sounds like a snooze, homie.
[audience laughs]
But I am the mayor of your office.
Those fools love me.
Let's do it.
[audience laughs]
Okay, that just leaves Mandy.
Guys, I'm old enough
to stay home by myself.
It's only a couple of hours.
Ooh, I'm not sure.
I could really use the day off
to strategize optics for my campaign.
Yep, she's fine to stay home.
[audience laughs]
- [hip-hop plays]
- You in the big leagues now ♪
You in the big leagues now ♪
You in the big leagues now ♪
Yeah, you in the big leagues now ♪
Yeah, you in the big leagues now ♪
Yeah ♪
- [music stops]
- Cameron, are you rocking skinny jeans?
Love the confidence, my friend.
[audience laughs]
You went to one company picnic
and you know everyone.
How is that possible?
People just wanna be seen, Mom.
[audience laughs]
Whoa!
When did you guys get a toy desk?
- I am very much here for this.
- [Cassy] No, no, no.
No, this is Gary's desk,
and those are not toys,
they are collectibles.
[audience laughs]
I need this Eleven Funko.
It'll complete my Stranger Things set.
Honey, honey, please, put it back.
You need to ask Gary's permission.
But you can't
because he took vacation time
to get more skins on Fortnite.
He says 12-year-olds have
the whole summer off, and it's not fair.
[audience laughs]
- Oh, hi, JJ!
- Hi!
- Cassy, here's your morning latte.
- Oh!
Half caff, no foam.
I had the barista write "Sassy"
instead of "Cassy."
Because A, you are,
and B, I'm extra.
[audience laughs]
Hey, my dad is on his way up.
My stepmother texted me
that he shot three over par this morning
and is in a foul mood.
- [sighs] Thanks for the heads up, Bennett.
- [Bennett] Mm-hmm.
- Oh, hi, Dad!
- You know you can't call me that
in the office.
- [audience laughs]
- All right, everybody, take a knee.
As you know for legal reasons,
I have to promote one of you.
I've decided to make my decision
at the end of the day today.
That gives you all
eight hours to wow me.
Now get out there,
[clicks tongue] close some deals.
[chuckles] That's my dad!
- [Bennett laughs] Hey!
- [doors rattle]
[audience laughs]
Mom, if you need,
I can get lost for the afternoon.
I have a buttload
of Chuck E. Cheese tickets to cash in.
No, no. No, honey,
you are my secret weapon.
If the sinkhole hadn't happened,
I would've snuck you out of school.
- [phone ringing]
- I love where your head's at, lady.
- [audience laughs]
- [upbeat pop music playing]
[music fades]
I don't understand
how Taylor Swift is beating me.
I am the only issues-driven candidate
in this election.
Your green initiative is ground-breaking.
Could we make that a blue initiative?
Because I can't wear green.
My mom's life coach
- says it makes me look like a vegetable.
- [audience laughs]
Kennedy, we've talked about this.
My green initiative
is about the environment.
You know what? Just keep glittering.
[audience laughs]
The problem is, Taylor Swift is killing us
with his idea to put Coke Zero
in all the school water fountains.
Coke Zero is literally better for you
than water.
[audience laughs]
We just need an edge.
Something to move us past Taylor.
You know,
I do have homeroom with The Wolf.
He knows everything
about everyone at school.
I'm sure he could dig up some dirt
- on Taylor Swift.
- No.
Absolutely not.
We are a campaign
built on integrity and honesty.
I love that quote.
I'm gonna InstaStory it right now.
Oh, no, Mandy, don't look at your phone.
Oh, God, yeah, don't look.
- Why can't I look at my phone?
- Kennedy, get rid of the phone!
[Kennedy yelps]
No, not your phone!
Mandy's! [sighs]
That makes a lot more sense. [chuckles]
[audience laughs]
- [dance music plays]
- ITme to spill the tea with Monica B.
So the Taylor Swift campaign
has informed me
that Mandy was held back a grade
in Kindergarten!
- [audience laughs]
- Can you even?
I know I can't.
I mean, do we really want a flunk
for president?
I didn't flunk!
I just missed the second half
of Kindergarten
- due to a severe tetherball injury.
- [audience laughs]
Oh, my God, you're really getting roasted
in these comments.
"Rumor has it Mandy is actually 17."
[audience laughs]
"I heard Mandy's so old
she takes a probiotic every day."
When did it become a crime
to have good digestion?
[audience laughs]
- [exasperated] What is happening?
- Mandy
what do you want me to do?
[Mandy exhales steadily]
Get me The Wolf.
Taylor Swift is going down.
[upbeat music playing]
- [music fades]
- [Lola] This is so cool!
I remember when we came up
with this recipe.
Me too. You were eight
and you were visiting for the weekend.
You accidentally rented Magic Mike
'cause you thought it was about magicians.
- [audience laughs]
- Well! Today's show
is gonna be big! Get it?
'Cause you're the Big
- [audience laughs]
- I'm May.
- And this is?
- This is my daughter, Lola.
You know what?
She should cook with you on the show.
That would be so cute!
- Really?
- Yeah, we love families on this show.
We just had the mayor here yesterday
with his cat,
which is kind of sad, but you know,
some people have animals for family.
- [audience laughs]
- I wish we had our aprons.
One step ahead of you, big guy.
I brought 'em just in case.
Wonderful! Put those on right now.
We're about to go live.
Oh, and FYI,
because of the sinkhole,
we're cutting your segment
from five minutes to one.
- Wait, what?
- [theme music plays]
Good Mid-Morning, Tampa Bay!
I'm May [accent] Fernanda Delgado
[non-accent] Roth
and I'm joined this mid-morning
by WWE star, the Big Show,
and his adorable daughter, Lola.
They're gonna be preparing
their special hot dog tater tot casserole.
Good Mid-Morning, Tampa Bay!
First, we normally want
to thinly slice
our hot dogs,
although those don't look thinly sliced,
they look like wolves tore them apart.
We don't have time, Dad!
The next step is
Greek yogurt!
It's a way to make something old and lame
seem better.
- Where did you get the yogurt?
- [mumbles] Got it from home.
We don't need it.
- Yes, we do.
- No, we don't.
We got burning tots, folks!
- Burning tots!
- My tots!
[audience laughs]
- [Big Show sighs]
- [pan thuds]
Look at that!
Well, these got a little burnt
so we'll do it again.
- [straining] Nope.
- Okay, no time!
These came out perfectly!
Okay, let's wrap this up!
All right, the next step
is you wanna add the hot dogs
- Oh.
- then you wanna add
the chili and onions!
- [Lola] And Greek yogurt!
- [screams] No!
- [Big Show screaming]
- [audience oohs]
[audience laughs]
Well, folks, that turned out to be
a real shoot show.
- [audience laughs]
- Everyone wave goodbye.
- [upbeat music playing]
- [audience laughs]
- [music fades]
- [Cassy] Okay,
the Stevens are parking.
[sighs] This is the first real interest
we've had.
Today is all about closing the deal.
I'm on it.
- [knocking at door]
- [Cassy laughs] Ooh, okay.
Phil, Terra! [chuckles]
Thank you so much for coming back.
I think this house
has everything you're looking for.
Huge backyard,
located in a good school district.
- It's got great bones.
- Literally.
[audience laughs]
Oh! And, uh [chuckles]
this is my daughter JJ.
I had to bring her to work with me today.
Sinkhole day!
[audience laughs]
Guys, I could totally see you
living here with your kids,
watching them cartwheel around the room.
Wanna see me do it?
Oh, wait! No, no, JJ. They don't need
Actually, could we maybe see that?
- [audience laughs]
- Terra, I thought you'd never ask!
[audience laughs]
And she did it.
- Wow!
- Ta-da!
[Terra laughs]
Aw, that's so cute!
Do you mind
if we take another peek upstairs?
- Yeah, take all the time you need.
- Here you go.
[Cassy chuckles]
We do have that couple from Beijing
with the all-cash offer
coming to see the house in a bit.
They can wait. Whatever you need.
[restrained cheering]
Did you see how we played
that Beijing thing perfectly?
Guys, we are gonna sell this house today!
JJ, you were great!
Happy to help.
- Let's talk about my cut.
- Oh.
Thirty extra minutes of iPad
is a fun place to start.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- [music fades]
- [Mandy] Okay, The Wolf
will be here any minute.
Don't forget, he only accepts payments
of gift cards.
Kennedy got one from her dad's drawer.
Kennedy, this isn't a gift card.
This is an AmEx Black Card.
So? It's a card that buys you gifts.
- [audience laughs]
- What's the problem here?
Just take the Starbucks gift card
I got for my Bat Mitzvah.
- [audience laughs]
- [doorbell rings]
He's here.
Oh, hi, The Wolf!
[audience laughs]
- [board clicks backwards]
- [Olivia gasps]
What? What does it say?
Come on! Tell us!
Make this go viral.
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
You know, if you didn't insist on
using Greek yogurt,
this wouldn't have happened.
I think you owe me an apology.
[impassioned] Well, I think you owe
regional daytime television an apology.
- [audience laughs]
- Lola, you embarrassed me out there.
[scoffs] Dad, you embarrassed yourself.
You lost your mind
'cause I made one little change
to your stupid dish.
It wasn't stupid when you were eight!
Yeah, but I'm not eight anymore.
My cooking tastes have elevated
past hot dogs and tater tots.
Oh! Well, excuse me, Wolfgang Suck!
[audience laughs]
What are you saying?
That you're a better cook?
Sorry, is that not clear?
[yells] Yes, I'm saying
I'm a better cook than you!
- [audience laughs]
- [laughing] Oh
Okay.
There's only one way to settle this.
- And that's a cook-off. What?
- In the ring?
Okay, fine, cook-off.
But, next time, it's in the ring.
- [audience laughs]
- Ground rules:
one hour, three courses,
you can only use food
that's in this house.
- You ready?
- I was born ready.
Actually, you were born
three weeks premature,
which means you were born far from ready.
- Ha!
- [audience laughs]
[upbeat music playing]
- [music fades]
- [Cassy] They've been up there a while.
That's a good sign, right?
Uh, great sign.
You're so fudging close
to closing this fudging deal.
Language, Bennett.
[audience laughs]
You know, Bennett,
if I get this promotion,
you move up, too.
It's a win for both of us.
Wow.
Maybe my dad will stop calling me
the son he never had.
[audience laughs]
Let's not get too excited.
We still have to disclose
that the previous tenant
died in the house.
Or, just a pitch:
maybe we don't.
[stammers] No, we have to.
We're legally obligated.
It's a grey area.
You know, we cut a little corner
to get the deal done.
- One little corner?
- Yeah, there's lots of other corners!
- [audience laughs]
- Oh, so just one little corner?
- Little.
- [audience laughs]
We really love this house.
We're in.
I am required by law
to tell you that this house
We'll pay a hundred over asking.
[Bennett quietly gasps]
- gets great light in the morning!
- [audience laughs]
[Monica B.] Hot "goss" from The Wolf!
- [hip music plays]
- Apparently, "Taylor"
isn't Taylor Swift's real first name!
It's Cliff!
That's right!
Cliff Swift!
- [audience laughs]
- Yikes!
Guys, do we really want to hear
President Cliff Swift at every assembly?
I know I don't.
And that's The Tea with Monica B. [kisses]
- [audience laughs]
- Wow.
That was quick.
And really harsh.
Listen to these comments.
"Cliff sounds like
my mom's rebound boyfriend."
- [audience laughs]
- Congratulations, Mandy.
You destroyed him.
You must feel great.
Uh
I guess.
Are you okay?
I don't know.
Did we go too far?
I mean, Taylor Swift is a sixth grader.
Just like us.
Yeah, that is so true.
Oh! Oh, Taylor Swift!
Like the singer! I just got it!
That is amazing!
[audience laughs]
Oh, my God, Kennedy.
There's not enough glitter in the world.
- I know. It makes me so sad.
- [audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
[music fades]
[dings bell] Welcome to the inaugural
Father-Daughter Cook-Off!
That's bad. You're bad at names.
- [audience laughs]
- It's a placeholder.
Judges, are you ready
for your one-way ticket to Tasty Town?
One-way ticket? Are we not coming back?
- What happens in Tasty Town?
- [audience laughs]
Okay, chefs, I believe
you're both presenting your appetizers.
What I've made for you tonight
is a deconstructed s'more.
[together] Ooh!
You can't serve dessert first.
This is actually something
I'm calling "Pre-ssert."
- [audience laughs]
- Very well.
Please allow me to present
my modern take on bruschetta.
Okay, we're out of bread
and we're out of tomatoes,
so I had to use saltine crackers
and ketchup.
[audience laughs]
My first reaction is, this is disgusting.
[audience laughs]
And it's also my second reaction.
[audience laughs]
Judges?
Aw, come on! You guys made signs?
Yeah, and they took longer to make
than your prison bruschetta.
[audience laughs]
Okay, that round didn't go my way.
But trust me, I got an ace up my sleeve.
First of all, you rarely wear sleeves.
- [audience laughs]
- And secondly, bring it on.
Ooh, I love that movie.
[audience laughs]
- [bell dings]
- Please enjoy these turkey sliders.
[together] Ooh
Wow! Meat is murder,
but I'm looking the other way on this one.
[audience laughs]
Okay, that was pretty good.
But please allow me to present
grilled cheese three ways!
Mandy, yours is made
with the crust cut off.
Crusts are the greatest trick
- the devil ever pulled.
- [audience laughs]
And Cassy, yours is made without cheese,
because you hate it.
- Yep, it's just hard, smelly milk.
- [audience laughs]
And JJ, yours is made
in the shape of a T-Rex.
Yay! I will literally eat anything
that's shaped like a dinosaur.
Even a sponge.
[audience laughs]
That was a fun trip to the ER.
Best X-ray ever!
[audience laughs]
One to one!
Are you ready to quit?
[scoffs] You wish!
I'm gonna smoke you in the dessert round
with my key lime pie.
All I need is whipped cream
to whip your butt.
No, no, no! I need it
for my coconut cream pie!
- [Big Show] No, no, no, no, no! No!
- [audience laughs]
[Big Show screaming] Ow!
You pinched my fat!
- [audience laughs]
- Too slow, old school!
That whipped cream's gonna be useless
without your pie!
You wouldn't!
Oh, watch me, Junior!
Oh, oh I hope I don't drop Ooh!
- Oh, I might drop it.
- [spraying]
- [Big Show yells]
- [audience laughs]
I'm blinded by sweetness! [yells]
[audience laughs and oohs]
[both giggling]
Do I look as stupid as you do?
Way more.
Probably 'cause of the size of your head.
[both laughing hysterically]
[continued laughing]
[gasps for air] What are we doing?
Cassy was right,
we're way too competitive.
I think I started it.
You totally did. [chuckles]
You know you're the parent, right?
I forget that sometimes.
[audience laughs]
I can't believe
this was all over some Greek yogurt.
[chuckles] It's not about the yogurt.
It's just that, to me, that casserole
is a snapshot of when you were a kid.
You know?
You used to be on my shoulders,
and now you're standing toe-to-toe
with me.
I did kinda own you.
- [audience laughs]
- You sure did.
You're growing up so fast.
I just wanted one thing from that time
to stay the same. [sighs]
Dad, that's really sweet.
And also what Facebook is for.
- [Big Show laughs]
- [audience laughs]
But if it means that much to you,
our tater tot masterpiece
can stay the same.
Thanks, kiddo, but, uh
what are we gonna do
about the dessert round?
'Cause ours are ruined.
I have an idea.
- [JJ playing]
- Whoa.
Where did you get that?
I borrowed it off of Gary's desk.
I told you you had to have his permission.
Relax, Mom. I was just cutting corners.
Like you did with the Stevens.
- [Cassy sighs]
- We're samesies!
[audience laughs]
No, we are not!
Ah, shoot, we are samesies!
- [audience laughs]
- [sighs]
That's what I'm saying.
So we Gucci?
[audience laughs]
- No, we absolutely not Gucci.
- [audience laughs]
[clicks tongue] This day
was supposed to be
about me showing you
how to do things the right way,
and I have somehow ended up doing
he exact opposite.
You sure did.
[audience laughs]
All right.
After this, [exhales]
you are taking that back to the office,
and I am coming clean to Mr. Patel
and the Stevens.
Just a thought,
let's not do that and say we did.
- [audience laughs]
- No, we are saying we did it
and we're doing it.
[audience laughs]
Oh [laughs]
[takes a breath] What happened?
You two get a little competitive?
- Little.
- [audience laughs]
I mean, I don't wanna say I was right.
I want you to say it for me.
- [audience laughs]
- [together, sad] You were right.
Thank you.
But we're past it.
And now for our final course
Girl Scout cookies.
[together] Ooh!
- Lola's.
- Lola on a plate.
Totally.
They come from the same box!
[audience laughs]
[knocking at door]
I'll get it.
Hey.
Hi.
Come in.
[door closes]
Uh, guys, this is Taylor Swift.
- [frantically] What? Where?
- [audience laughs]
Not that Taylor Swift.
Oh, my God, Dad.
Are we gonna do this every time?
He's my campaign opponent
and he's here for a
Wait, why are you here?
Mandy, I feel terrible.
I had no idea
Connor leaked that stuff to Monica.
I just want you to know
that I defriended Connor on all my socials
and kicked him off my campaign.
Yeah [stammers] I did the same thing.
Kennedy and I are
EFFs now. Ex-Friends Forever.
- Whoa Sick.
- [audience laughs]
I just wanted the campaign to be
about issues, you know?
Like my green initiative.
That's my favorite color.
And my Take a Backpack,
Leave a Backpack program.
I have no idea what that is,
but it sounds cool.
[relieved] Thank you!
You're so good at ideas.
You are the smartest,
best smelling person I've ever met.
- [audience laughs]
- [kisses]
[audience oohs]
Was that a good idea?
I'm not sure.
Let's try it again and find out.
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
See? Don't you feel better?
Yeah, I do.
I'm as surprised as anyone.
[audience laughs]
Okay, Mom, your turn.
[exhales sharply] Okay. [clears throat]
Oh, Mr. Patel.
Hi, there's something I need to tell you.
Phil, Terra, hey!
Uh, I was just about to call you.
Cassy, the Stevens
are pulling their offer.
We found out that you failed to disclose
some pretty important information.
They're going to purchase
a different property from someone else.
[stammers] Who would do that to me?
- [ecstatic] Me!
- [audience laughs]
And I got the promotion!
Sorry, not sorry.
[ecstatic] Isn't that amaze?
- [audience laughs]
- Bennett told us what you did.
He protected the company.
Big step for you, son.
I'm real proud of you.
- No, thank you.
- [audience laughs]
How could you?
Easy! He's my dad,
and I desperately need his love.
- [audience laughs]
- Cassy, you're fired.
Pack up your stuff
and get out.
[audience laughs]
You're firing me?
- Isn't that what I said?
- I heard it!
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy chuckles]
[catches breath] Okay, you know what?
You can fire me if you want.
You can stay here
with all these people
who don't like you.
You know what I'm talking about, Josh.
- [audience laughs]
- The most important thing is that today
I taught my daughter
right from wrong.
Oh! And another thing,
I am taking the haunted house listing
with me.
[yelling] And the stapler!
[audience laughs]
Come on, JJ, we're outta here.
That's my mom.
Peace out, real estate dorks.
[audience laughs]
Josh, you're also fired.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
[music fades]
What's going on?
[sighs] Your dad and Lola
are making me a getting fired dinner.
I'm really sorry you got canned.
- Aw. [laughs] Thanks.
- [audience laughs]
[sighs] It is weird though.
I mean, [scoffs]
I've never been fired before.
- Me neither.
- [audience laughs]
But if it makes you feel any better,
- I stole a bunch of car keys
- [keys jingle]
- from the office.
- [jingling]
- [Cassy chuckles]
- [audience oohs]
[continued jingling]
[audience laughs]
- This one's Bennett's dad's.
- [keys jingle]
[laughs] You know what?
That actually does make me feel
- a lot better.
- [audience laughs]
[sighs] You know, sweetie,
what I did today
was, like, really wrong, right?
Yeah, Mom. I'm not a monster.
[laughs] Okay, good.
- Just checking.
- [audience laughs]
So,
because of the cook-off,
there is like no food in this house.
We got two figs
and a packet of tartar sauce.
[audience laughs]
We're chefs, not wizards.
[audience laughs]
So we got Chinese.
Aw, that's so sweet.
But you know, we may have to start
ordering in a little less
since I just lost my job.
- Come here.
- Oh
Cass, I told you, it's gonna be fine.
You're gonna be fine.
The one thing about this family
that I do know is
no matter what happens
or what surprises come our way,
we always will figure it out.
[Mandy] Guys,
I'm in love with Taylor Swift!
- [audience laughs]
- [yelling] Best Sinkhole Day ever!
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop ending credits playing]
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