The Boss Baby: Back in the Crib (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

1 Hold all my Boss Baby ♪ I'm the boss dial in to the meeting ♪ Everybody here Please find your seating ♪ While you're teethin' I'm sinkin' my teeth in ♪ First one to show So I can do all my greeting ♪ Profits, payrolls, and pacifiers ♪ I make friends I love you, you're hired ♪ So come on And raise your juice boxes skyward ♪ Boss babies until we retire ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - Tell 'em who this is ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - I'm a legend, mythic ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - Can a baby get a witness? ♪ Grab a high chair This the family business ♪ Boss Baby ♪ That ain't no candle, Hee-Haw Horsey, that's a Tina T.
How'd you beat me home? Didn't stay two hours past the bell.
How was unpaid overtime? Invigorating.
Ran some Baby Love intake projections based on Q2 five percenter adorability quotients.
Gonna cap off this perfect day with the smooth purr of financial news.
In agriculture, cattle futures are down 0.
02 percent Numbers.
Why did you change the show? Blister the Mister was watching.
Who, what, or why is Mr.
Blister? Blister the Mister is my new best friend.
Uh-huh, and your new best friend is invisible? No.
He's imaginary.
Cool.
I'm gonna change the channel, and if your not-real friend objects He is real, because I imagined him.
He looks like this.
He can't look like that.
I look like that.
Well, Blister is a lot like you, but he's not so serious.
Actually, he's pretty silly.
Yes, you are.
Blister.
Stop tickling me.
Can you do me a favor and imagine he likes financial news for about 15 minutes? - Experts are bullish - Hey! Stop changing the show! I get the TV before your little phony-baloney man.
I see you're in a parenting mood, so I'll cut to the chase.
Tina's claiming to have an imaginary friend - so she can - Tina.
You have an imaginary friend? - Oh, we're so proud of you.
- His name is Blister the Mister.
We love imaginary friends.
They develop creativity and help kids cope with life changes.
Helps kids cope? Who came up with that pseudo-science? Dr.
Boop-Boop the Invisible Trout? - It's backed by psychologists.
- I also have life changes to deal with.
Think I wanted to run from the FBI - and move in with my brother's family? - Yeah.
That must be very inconvenient for you.
Excuse me for trying to share a moment of vulnerability, Carol.
The important thing is, in this house, we treat imaginary friends like they're imaginary family.
You've changed.
I remember when you used to giggle at the word "puddle.
" It sounds dirty, but it's not.
Blister the Mister, would you like me to turn the cartoons back on? He'd love some cartoons.
It's a dol-dern puddle.
Careful.
You're elbowing in on Blister the Mister's space.
Baby Teddy, please don't be rude to Blister.
So how was your day? I've had better.
No, sorry.
I mean Blister says he had an amazing day.
He had fun, made friends, and he never grumbled.
That's wonderful, Blister.
What? Imaginary friends are great.
I used to have one too.
Doctor Fartworm.
Loved that guy.
Yeah, he smelled terrible.
Which seemed funny for a while, but eventually the stink got so bad, I had to let him go.
So I built a portal out of a cardboard box and glitter gems.
The portal to Imaginacres Farm.
Oh, you were so sad when you sent him through it.
He runs a profitable unicorn ranch now.
Life worked out pretty good for old Fartworm, MD.
Is that ranch where Blister the Mister's unicorn steak came from? He says it is just divine.
Thank you, Blister.
Dr.
Fartworm would be thrilled to hear.
Pieces are too big though.
Can you cut up Blister's steak? I'd love to, but my fake blade is fake dull from knife-fighting Bigfoot.
Of course, Blisty.
- Mind if I call you Blisty? - He says it's fine.
Well, Blisty, I just wanted to say Nope, I can't do this.
He's not real, everyone.
Not real.
Real.
Not real.
Ugh! I feel like I'm explaining job prospects to art students.
Just because Blister is imaginary doesn't mean he isn't real to Tina.
That's not how reality works.
Remember how you staying in this house works? We are the parents, you are the baby who follows our house rules.
So you either support Tina's imaginary friend, or I will throw you out on the street.
Hey.
Hey, Yvette.
How long were you standing there? Long enough to hear your mom yell at your new baby in a weird way.
Oh, me and Baby Teddy are trying out for a community theater play.
I love musicals without singing.
Which one? Little Poopmaker Learns To Be Grateful or Else.
Can I have dinner with you guys? The only cookbook my mom has is a takeout menu.
But seriously, folks, looks delish.
Ah! Blessed fortress of tangible metrics and flowchart logic.
Hey! You stepped on Blister's foot.
Watch where you're going, Boss Baby.
Don't be such a klutz around Blister.
No.
No, no, no.
No! I gotta be nice to it here, too? - Sorry, I'm a couple behind, I - Um, Blister is leading this meeting.
But you already have one.
Now Blister does too.
He called dibs on the nanner-filled.
Watch out! Don't step on some stupid imaginary idiot's dumb foot.
Ooh, and be careful at meetings that some nonexistent jerk face isn't sitting in your chair.
And if you're craving baby-face donuts? Forget it.
Some liar gets two, one for their stupid, made-up little Boss Baby? A word.
Hey, thoughtless offenders, Buddy from HR.
Welcome to Imaginary Friend Sensitivity Training.
Ooh! My first sensitivity training.
I don't even know what I did, but thrilled to be here.
Love that attitude.
So you've all done something disrespectful toward a co-worker's imaginary friend.
Let's talk about that.
Extensively.
- One baby, but two shadows.
Whoa.
- If I could teach you just one thing about imaginary friends, it's this.
They come from imagination.
Wow, the picture just changed.
Buckle in, who knows where we're going next.
If I could teach you two things about imaginary friends, I would move on to the following point.
They are called friends because they are our Anyone? Friends.
Why don't you imagine a fast-forward button and get us out of here sooner.
This session is for learning, not laughing.
Oh, come on, it was funny.
Zip your lip with your excuses inside, okay? Now, where were we? I'll start over.
Welcome to Imaginary Friend Sensitivity Training.
- Sick burn, uh - Melissa.
Nice to meet you.
Boss Baby.
Oh, I know that name.
You're a legend at the Tallahassee office.
They even named a sandwich after you.
Salami with a $10 bill inside.
Disgusting, but I'm flattered.
So you're a transfer.
Do they treat imaginary friends as golden gods in Tallahassee too? Same deal.
I'd do anything to get out of this butt-number.
Anything? Now we are talking.
If I could teach you a thirtieth thing about Yes, Boss Baby? I just want to say, my sensitivity has already become so well-trained, I've actually acquired an imaginary friend.
His name is Jaron, and you can't see him because he's imaginary.
But in a very real way.
And Melissa has one too.
Say hi to the nice people, Wheaty.
Oh, I am so sorry.
I had no idea Wheaty had such a mouth on him.
I've never had a new imaginary friend appear at my lecture before.
Let alone more than one.
First time for everything.
I just hope you didn't create fake imaginary friends to get out of sensitivity training.
Uh Uh, hmm Because then I'd have to enroll you in my year-long Ethics Training.
And my heart will be broken.
Have more faith in your abilities, Buddy.
You've changed me.
Same but more of it.
Well, that tickles my heart.
You're excused.
All four of you.
- "Wheaty"? - "Jaron"? Who makes up a Jaron? He's my old assistant.
Figured the lie would be easier if I based it on someone I knew.
- I can't believe Buddy bought it.
- Ugh.
Buddy I can't believe we have to keep this up so we don't get busted.
The whole point was to not have to deal with dumb imaginary friends.
I hear you, but as long as I'm stuck with this fake fake sidekick, it'd be a crime not to put him to work.
Sometimes, when I'm by myself for a bunch of hours, I get scared, I don't remember how to talk.
So I'll grab something to practice talking to and stare at it.
Summoning the confidence I need to prove to myself I can still say Milk.
Ooh, great conversation that I'm fully engaged in, but Jaron has to use the bathroom.
No, last week was my week.
I swear, it is not my turn.
Who says Chip brings cupcakes? It's a tie.
Now what? Hold up.
Jaron is weighing his decision very Ah, he broke the tie.
You bring cupcakes, Chipper.
Eh, a fair vote's a fair vote.
Brynlee? Taysom? Great ideas, Jaron.
I'll pass those along to the Baby Naming division.
I never knew an imaginary friend could be so cool.
Jaron just said, "Thank you very much.
" Yeah, Blister.
There is something fishy about this.
Tina Tina Bo-Beena.
Sorry, I'm still buzzing from how well my sensitivity training turned hearts around.
Blister thinks Boss Baby is faking.
I don't think he's faking, because you're great.
But I don't wanna pooh-pooh Blister's feelings either.
So I'm thinking, with your permission, I do a home evaluation of BB's new friend.
Just to prove Blister's suspicions are wrong.
Oh! Wow! Amazing.
Really amazing, Jaron.
- Teddy, a word? - Excuse me, everyone.
Please continue to enjoy Jaron's fire juggling act.
Great news.
Blister wants to invite Jaron over tonight.
Sounds delightful.
Jaron accepts.
Hmm.
Blister noticed you blurted out Jaron's answer while Jaron is over there juggling.
Well, I know how much Jaron admires Blister.
You do accept the invitation, right, Jaron? Uh-huh? He says, "Yep.
" Yikes, dude.
She busts you, it's back to hours and hours of sensitivity training.
Better get a butt brace.
And why are you even talking to me? I mean, nobody suspects Wheaty, so I thought you could help me.
Come help me back up the fake existence of imaginary Jaron.
Me at a snoozefest with a bunch of normies? Yeah, I'd rather choke on a rat.
- Please.
I'm asking as a friend.
- Let's get one thing straight, son.
I'm not your friend.
Our relationship is purely transactional.
Fine.
Let's transact.
Do this, I'll do a favor of your choosing.
All right, see you tonight.
Isn't she a peach? And here's my imaginary friend, Jaron.
Yes, Jaron, they are quite the handsome family.
Can't argue with that.
And next to Melissa is her imaginary friend, Wheaty.
Wheaty says, "Choke on a rat.
" That's so Wheaty.
So how did you all meet? Well, I met Melissa at Imaginary Friend Sensitivity Training.
Wow, Baby Corp is so progressive.
They really make sure we have proper morals, like not lying, or taking advantage of stuff.
Melissa, tell them how Wheaty followed you here from the Tallahassee office.
You just told them, so wanna continue my biography, authorbutt? Fine, I met Wheaty at the Tallahassee office.
Blah.
Tell us more about Jaron.
Sure.
Jaron came to me during sensitivity training, and I hired him as my assistant.
The end.
But JJ is your assistant.
Our assistant.
Sometimes I need my own.
Jaron can brew a cup of joe like he's got a B.
A.
in "Mm-mm!" He does a great impression of me when I don't want to talk to fami Uh, someone on the phone.
Last August, he got rid of that time-share - I was stuck with in Cabo.
- What's that, Blister? Blister wonders how he did that for you in August if you just met.
Hey, you tell that Blister he's got dog doo for ears.
"Dog doo for ears.
" Blister says take that back.
How do we even know the great Blister the Mister is really even imaginary? Of course Blister's imaginarily real.
Cool yourself down, Mel.
Remember sensitivity training? Yes, Melissa, we respect imaginary friends in this house.
Respect this, you old cheese-plate serving, brunch eating, doily-having Easy on the name calling.
What did she call me? Say it again, Melissa.
I don't gotta say nothing to you bunch of mayonnaise normies.
Need a minute.
So sorry.
- You're supposed to be helping me.
- We're real babies.
And they want us to play nice with things that don't even exist? I'm done.
Calling in my favor.
We're doing it.
You and me, it's time, boomsday doomsday.
- What are we doing? - Destroying all imaginary friends.
- Starting with Blister the Mister.
- Whoa, hit those brakes.
A, pretty sure you can't destroy what doesn't exist.
And, B, sure, Blister's aggravating, but Tina's family.
- I'm not gonna break her heart over - Yeah.
Hang on a sec.
Just composing an anonymous tip to the FBI about Teddy Templeton the fugitive.
- How did you know about? - Oh, I do my research, bro.
What? You think we just bumped into each other in a class? Oh, no, I targeted you.
And now you're gonna help me.
Because it is possible to destroy imaginary friends, and you have access to exactly what we need.
Found it.
Why do you need the portal to Imaginacres Farm? Why did you keep the portal to Imaginacres Farm? In case I get a craving for unicorn jerky.
Does sound good.
How's this work? Basic imaginary physics.
Believe the machine works, and then it does.
- Whoa, careful! - Oh, it's fine.
Wheaty's with Melissa, Jaron's upstairs ordering imaginary Thai takeout.
Good.
This thing is harmless to real people, but once I press the three enchanted gems, it'll suck up any imaginary friend within the vacuum radius.
And that's it? They're gone forever? - R.
I.
P.
, Dr.
Fartworm.
- Miss you, you old stinker.
Ah.
The power.
So beautiful.
Like a shark in a prom dress.
We don't have to do this.
Hey, you're not going soft on me, are you? Of course I am.
I'm only helping because you threatened me.
Still am, dude.
So come on, help me get this thing upstairs.
I'm glad you brought us up here.
Me and Blister wanted to talk to you.
Sure.
Just, uh, over this way a bit.
Bit more.
- We're really sorry.
- For what? For not believing you.
Jaron seemed like such an obvious fake, I just assumed I was too suspicious.
Blister's always telling me I gotta keep things on the silly side.
Maybe I could help with that.
You know, if Blister ever went away.
Why would I get rid of Blister? He's my best bud.
I hope you and your imaginary frien Cram it to limbo, imaginary trash.
Blister, look out! She wants to push you in! Good juke move, Blister.
Melissa? The portal's only supposed to work on imaginary friends.
Are you being serious right now? What are you His name is Jaron, and you only can't see him because he's imaginary, but in a very real way.
And Melissa has one too.
I've never had a new imaginary friend appear at my lecture before.
Let alone more than one.
Do this, I'll do a favor of your choosing.
We respect imaginary friends in this house.
- Easy on the name calling.
- What did she call me? Melissa's imaginary.
They help us cope with life changes.
And you must be dealing with stuff to imagine up a friend so strong you didn't even realize you were doing it.
You're darn right I'm strong.
- She's escaping the portal.
- What's going on? - It's Melissa.
- Your imaginary friend? Am I seriously the only one who didn't realize that? - It makes me look like - She tried to shove Blister into the box, but she got sucked into the box, and now she's escaping the box.
Which, can I say, is stunning.
Oh, thank you so much.
But we gotta shut it down.
Hey, Tabby, I found an old friend.
I think she just tossed you Dr.
Fartworm.
Oh, yeah, it's him.
Jeez, you smell even worse than before.
All right, back to Imaginacres Farm you go.
- Melissa has Blister.
- No! - Portal's closed.
Give it up.
- Never! She's got Blister again.
And she's putting him in a clothes hamper.
And getting away! Melissa, show yourself! There! Above your parents.
Hanging from the ceiling like a bug.
- How can she do that? - I'm sorry.
I have an incredible imagination.
Blame your dad.
Tim, Carol, listen to me.
- Melissa is hanging from the ceiling.
- And she's got Blister.
That does sound like how I imagine you would imagine Melissa.
- Jaron and Wheaty? - Can you not tell the difference between a real imaginary friend and fake ones? Right, sure, realize how dumb that sounds.
Just use your height to leap from the couch and grab Melissa.
Please! Help us save Blister.
Did we get her? She skittered away, headed for the stairs.
Don't let her get to the attic.
That's where the portal is.
Melissa's trying to exile Blister to Imaginacres Farm? Did you bring an evil imaginary friend into our house? I'm sorry.
I have a sick mind.
Hurry! She's about to hit the ceiling behind the stairs.
Great shot, Carol.
Block the stairs.
- She's climbing up the wall.
- I've got an idea.
Got her.
I got Blister.
Tina, look out! - She just took him back.
- I know, I can hear Blister screaming.
Templeton, she's headed your way.
- Don't let her get to that portal.
- You give my girl her imaginary friend.
I've got slippery cooking spray.
Off my walls, imaginary spider baby.
I brought leftover eggs, if you Uh I can come back later.
Yvette.
Uh, this is more theater play and things.
- Tim's writing a play.
- Yeah, it's called, uh The House Is Alive and Only Cooking Spray Can Kill It.
Kind of cliche, but I'd catch a matinee.
You guys break a leg.
Melissa's headed to the portal.
Don't turn the portal back on.
Melissa's gonna throw Blister in.
I need to get rid of Dr.
Fartworm before I throw up.
Hang on to Fartworm, his stench is slowing her down.
Melissa.
- Don't you dare toss him in.
- Blister.
No! Jackie Business, now! Karate kick right to Melissa's gullet.
That's my Jackie Business.
I got you, buddy.
You're safe now.
No! Jackie Business threw Melissa into the portal.
- Can I please toss Dr.
Fartworm now? - All clear.
Ah! I can breathe again.
Melissa was my imaginary transactional cohort.
Jackie Business is my new imaginary friend.
I do business.
Good night, Jackie Business.
Thanks for the help.
I do business.
Jackie Business? Jackie Business.
Wake up.
You sound like a garbage disposal full of bones.
- Jackie? - I do business.
- Boss Baby ♪ - Baby ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - Baby ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - Baby ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - Tell 'em who this is ♪ - Boss Baby ♪ - I'm a legend mythic ♪ Y'all heard the story But you know what the twist is? ♪ Welcome to the family business Boss Baby ♪