The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell (2018) s01e04 Episode Script
A Spirited Tea Party
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES [narrator.]
On the top of a dark and distant mountain, there is a beautiful and talented woman who uses her unique skills of baking, sculpting, and sewing to create delicious confections and hauntingly disturbing decor.
She finds beauty in the art of darkness with each creation and shares them with us, the unusual creatures she has taken into her home.
Join us in her delightfully dark world.
Welcome to The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell.
[record crackling.]
[growling.]
So, anything? - Aah! - We ask ye, spirits.
Will you bring forth one from beyond? [growling.]
Spirits, can you hear us? Can I try? Well, I I don't think it could hurt.
Okay.
[sighs.]
[yells.]
Larry! I know you hear me! Where did you hide that case of expired sardines? Speak to me! [tuts and sighs.]
Hey, uh aren't you worried that using this board might bring something horrible - into the house? - Something horrible is already here.
[hissing.]
- [rattling.]
- Stop, stop, stop! Something's happening.
Oh, my God, something is happening! [grunting.]
- [sighs.]
- [groans.]
What? It's broken.
Come on, Larry! If only there was another way to find a collection of old food.
Maybe if this board wasn't as sticky! Maybe if the board wasn't a cookie.
What? It's a cookie? Wha Would you like a piece? Hm.
Thanks.
[chomping.]
Mm, mm, mm! Oh! Good.
How'd you make it? Oh, it's easy.
Spirit boards, or talking boards, have been a popular tool for mediums SPIRIT BOARD COOKIES for well over a century.
And when Rose asked for one, I thought, why not try making it out of a shortbread cookie? So the first thing you need is a perfectly smooth shortbread cookie.
Put a large ball of dough and roll it all the way to the edges.
And then, taking a knife, cut everything off, bake in the oven for 15 to 16 minutes.
The second you take it out of the oven, place a sheet of parchment directly over it, take a large baking pan and smooth it.
I use this technique for gingerbread, decorative cookies that are gonna have faces, really kind of any cookie that I want to be perfectly smooth on top.
And then I let it cool.
So my talking board needed a dial.
Using two circular cookie cutters of different sizes, I got this perfectly round shape using the same shortbread dough for my board.
And now I'm going to begin painting on a delicate wood grain that when you coat it with ice malt or candy glass, will give it an authentic wood appearance.
I'm using edible airbrush paint to paint on all of the accents and letters and numbers.
The reason I like it for something like this is because it stains the cookie, as opposed to painting on top of it.
Which, when you pour over the candy glass or the isomalt, is going to prevent any kind of smudging or things bleeding in any direction you don't want it to go.
I'm going to continue this technique over this entire board, and then I'll begin painting on all the little details and accents, using a ruler to measure all of the placement.
But if that's a little too complicated, you can always create your own stencil by printing something that you like, cutting out the letters, and getting everything exactly where you want it.
So now that I have a design that I'm happy with, the fun starts.
We're going to airbrush a little bit of darkness and aging around the corners, using brown food coloring to give it a really authentic look and a little bit of a gradient, so it's lighter in the center and darker towards the edges.
I think I'm pretty happy with that.
Now it's time to paint the dial to match.
This airbrushing, mixed with the staining we did earlier, is really going to give it a nice wooden texture.
Alright, I'm done with the airbrushing, and now it's on to the dangerous part, boiling the isomalt.
Isomalt is a sugar substitute made from beet sugars.
You can make candy glass, but the reason I prefer isomalt, which can be purchased at any baking supply store, is because there aren't any extra steps to it.
You literally just put it in a bowl and heat it on the stove on medium heat until liquefied.
Don't forget about your dial.
You'll want to have a knife on hand so you can cut off any runoff, so nothing damages the surface and you keep everything nice and smooth.
And you're gonna want to do this before it solidifies.
I have it on a grate so it will just bleed off, leaving me a gap that I can work with, as opposed to, essentially, gluing it to a board, which is not what you want.
So it cools very quickly, and you have a little bit of time where it's pretty moldable.
It is not sticky to the touch.
Working quickly, you can smooth around the edges with your fingers to remove any drips or uneven spots.
So now what I'm going to do with this little guy, I'm gonna fill this little hole right here with that same isomalt.
We'll allow that to set.
While we let these cool, I'm gonna show you how to make the feet and the base.
To give the cookie an elevated look, I've baked off these little feet and a base that's going to go under it to support the majority of the weight.
For these feet, I used the same shortbread dough that I used in my talking board.
So I'm gonna glue these pieces together, using just a little bit of royal icing.
Oh, you must own stock in royal icing.
It's all you ever freaking talk about.
The isomalt really helps strengthen your cookie.
Now I'm going to glue this top layer onto the bottom layer, using a little bit of royal icing.
What I'm going to do first is paint the feet black, using edible airbrush paint.
Alright.
So now we're ready to pipe on our black trim, once again using royal icing in a parchment bag.
And you can go over your trim with a paint brush to smooth it out.
Alright, just a little bit of finished beading, and we'll be done.
Try and space your beads so they look like rivets on metal.
And there you have it.
A completed spirit board.
With this done, I think we should be able to sweet-talk the dead.
You know, there's an easier way for you to speak to the dead.
- Really? How? - Simple.
You get into a bathtub full of water and I'll throw a hairdryer into it.
Ha-ha-ha.
That was so funny.
[doorbell rings.]
I'll get it! What do you want? [thunderclap.]
Excuse me.
If a big, hairy monster ate your car, we don't know nothin' about it.
Christine.
Cousin Evie? It's Evelyn now.
Oh! Won't you come in? So, when Frederick had his unfortunate accident, I was left penniless and forced to move back in with Mother and Father.
That is terrible.
And by the way, I can't get over what happened to them last month.
Yes, house fires are incredibly common.
You'd be surprised.
Oh, please.
So your husband was really a Grand Duke? Yes.
A Grand Duke with a grand gambling addiction.
Oh, so that makes you a Grand Duchess, doesn't it? [chuckles.]
Technically, but without much money, it doesn't mean much.
Does that mean you can order an execution? Or or demand servants bring you chocolate and garbage? Well, certainly he left you something.
Nope.
Nada.
Goose egg.
- And your parents? - Well, the will is missing.
So while the estate is up in limbo, I thought I'd come here and stay with you.
You know, until it's all settled.
Of course you can.
You can stay in my room.
That's so thoughtful! OK, so how about tomorrow, since you're here, we have one of those old-fashioned tea parties, like we used to when we were little? We can dress up and everything.
It'll be amazing! Sounds fun! Can I sleep with you? Alright, Rose.
That's enough.
- Time for bed.
Goodnight, Edgar.
- [panting.]
Aww.
Goodnight.
Wait, so are you a big spoon or a little spoon? Please stay away from me.
[snoring.]
[owl hoots.]
What's all this? Well, Evelyn and I used to have the most delightful tea parties at her parents' house when we were little.
I was thinking this would bring back some happy memories for her.
Aww.
I like her.
She's classy.
Yes, and she's also quite the storyteller.
She has a very vivid imagination.
She used to tell the most amazing stories when we were little, Like how her parents died? Rankle, I'm surprised at you.
House fires are very common.
I suppose spontaneous combustion is also common.
That's how the hubby died, right? [Christine sighs.]
Anyway Collecting vintage china can be a very expensive hobby.
GOTHIC TEA SE But making your own edible set has the benefit of being both affordable and delicious.
You only need several basic ingredients to pull off this recipe.
Chocolate, balloons, and parchment bags with both white and dark chocolate.
So the first step is dipping a balloon that is roughly the same circumference of a teacup in melted chocolate.
Try to keep the chocolate at about 110 to 120 degrees.
Dip it in, roll it around, and then put it on a cold surface.
And be careful.
If your chocolate is too hot, your balloon will pop.
Let's go put this in the chiller.
Oh, that looks delicious! So while the teacups are chilling, I'll show you how to make a beautiful little plate.
All you need is a simple little tea saucer, something like this, and you're gonna paint it on the back.
If you want your mold to come off a little easier, a trick you can do is cover your plate with some plastic wrap, and then peel it off after it cools.
What the plate essentially does is provide you with a mold, to make a duplicate of it.
Then you set this in the chiller for about ten minutes.
And when it's done, you'll have something similar to this.
To unmold your plate, simply fold back, flip it back over, and peel it off.
Ooh! I like it.
So once you take your balloon out of the chiller, pop the balloon and pull it out, so you have nothing but that perfect chocolate dome.
Now, to smooth the surface, get a hot plate or some sort of hot surface.
The darker your chocolate, the more brittle it tends to be.
So if you're using a dark chocolate like this, and you're having a hard time, consider using milk chocolate instead.
And now we have the base for our teacups.
Now comes the fun part.
Arrange a bunch of your melting chips, and make sure that they're not too cold.
Room temperature is just about right.
I use a cannoli mold, but you really could use anything that has a circular metal ridge, and right where that little drop you're gonna wanna just scoop that in.
You want a whole bunch of these crescent moons made of chocolate.
Chocolate! Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum! So, the purpose for making these little crescent shapes is to add a pretty simple embellishment that we'll just be building on for our teacups and saucers.
Using an open flame, or any kind of heating element, melt your chocolate and attach it to the plate.
So while that sets, let's build the base of the teacup.
So the first thing you wanna do is scrape off that little nugget in the middle of your chip.
And then you're going to arrange your moons around your chip and seal it all together with some melted chocolate in a parchment bag.
And there, your teacup now has little feet.
Well, it's very fancy, until you pour actual tea in it! To do the handles on those teacups, draw out a shape you like, and then lay a parchment paper over it.
I went with a bat wing for my design.
And you just repeat this step, over several times, and then even double them up, so they get extra nice and thick.
This one has been layered about three times, and then chilled.
It has a good amount of strength and dimension.
So the handles should attach just like that, with a little bit of melting chocolate.
Now, we're gonna move on with the really fun decorations.
So I'm gonna cut some white melting chips to go right along the border of my saucer.
And then after I'm done placing them, I'll attach each with a dab of white melting chocolate.
So, taking white chocolate and a parchment piping bag, I can start doing some of those fine details.
And then on these white chips, I'll use dark chocolate.
This process can be very time-consuming.
But it's these little details that really add personality to your tea set and really make it come alive.
And so, with a lot of time, and just a little bit of patience, you can make a whole set and it will be beautiful.
Alright, all done.
 What do you think? You know we own real china, right? As if you know anything about impressing a Duchess.
If we need tips on how to cough up a hairball, we'll call you.
[chuckles.]
[thunderclap.]
Think we're gonna have to move this party indoors.
Well all of this garbage will have to go.
Ugh.
Ugh.
And look at this sad little mirror.
[thunder rumbling.]
[sighs.]
[groans.]
And these clothes! No wonder she's not in a relationship.
[chuckles.]
[thunder crashing.]
[squeals.]
[whimpering.]
How do you like my new hat? It's perfect for our tea party.
Will we also be having a funeral? With Evelyn here, it feels like someone could die at any moment.
It makes me shiver with excitement.
[thunderclap.]
Whoa.
- Ahem.
- Oh! Evie, you're here! I'm making hats right now.
Would you like one? Oh, God, no.
I mean, yes, I would love one.
You're gonna love the party we're having! The whole tea set is made out of cookies and chocolate! - You don't have real china? - If only someone had suggested real china.
Now she thinks we're poor! Well, cookies and chocolates have never been my thing.
You know, some of us are watching our figure.
Actually, I wanted to write a letter.
Where do you keep your papers? You know, stationery? I think there's some stationery up in the dresser in my bedroom.
OK, great.
That's odd.
Alright, I think we're ready to try this hat on.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your cousin is up to no good.
I was beginning to think so.
She tried killing Lucille, and she wants to burn your wardrobe.
Oh, so it's not all bad news then, is it? Thank you, Vivienne.
[sighs.]
I think I know what must be done.
Will you two help me in the kitchen for one last project? Yeah! What are you smiling at? - [thunderclap.]
- It's gotta be in here somewhere.
Oh, God! Last Will and Testament my beloved niece, Christine McConnell and remainder of my estate [thunder crashing.]
[Christine.]
Evelyn, is that you? We're in the dining room.
Evelyn, we've been waiting for you.
Won't you join us? My.
Haven't you all been busy? It's so so unusual.
[chuckles.]
Thank you.
 It's a surprise.
We made it just for you.
Hey! That's my favorite ax! I mean, you could borrow it, I guess, but just don't lose it.
I like to chase the neighborhood kids around with it.
What? I wouldn't kill them with it.
They're too fast.
Well, I have a surprise for you.
I found my parents' missing will in your bedroom.
- Oh? - Do you know what it says? It says they left their entire estate to you.
- [gasps.]
- Why do you think that is? Well, I think your parents have known for some time that you've been unwell, and thought I might make better use of their assets.
But don't worry.
I donated every penny to the local leper colony outside of town! - What? - Yeah, what? I could have been rich? And I could have had servants? And you gave it all away? Money isn't everything.
Just look at what it's done to Evelyn.
[gasps.]
You've always been weird! Huh! Well, the world can do without one more weirdo.
I can't wait to get ahold of this house.
I have plans.
I'm gonna get rid of all of your furniture, and I'm going to murder all those filthy little rodents! [gasps.]
Now, wait just a moment! - I am a cat! I was worshipped as a god - I guess you wanna go first! [screams.]
- Evie, I think it's time you go home.
- [whimpering.]
- Let go of me! - [thunder crashing.]
These gentlemen are here to take you to your new home.
They're going to take excellent care of you there.
And this cake is a farewell cake.
We made it just for your departure.
I'ts a shame you can't stay to enjoy it.
I'll be back! I'll be back, Christine! [gasping and screaming.]
- [door slams.]
- [thunder crashes.]
- Mm.
She really didn't wanna leave.
- [Evelyn screaming.]
You, sir, are a master of the obvious.
[screaming.]
Rose, what's wrong? I just can't believe we could have been rich! I coulda had servants! Why don't you go play with the kids down the street? Would that cheer you up? - Maybe.
- Alright.
No.
Give it to Edgar.
Maybe he'll be fast enough to catch one of 'em.
Hm.
Okay.
- Come on, let's go! - Yeah.
I like chasin'.
[chuckling.]
[sighs.]
It's so nice to see them playing together.
Ah, the joys of youth, and chasing them with an ax.
[laughing.]
[sniffs.]
Aah.
[slurping.]
FAREWELL EVIE Subtitle translation by:
On the top of a dark and distant mountain, there is a beautiful and talented woman who uses her unique skills of baking, sculpting, and sewing to create delicious confections and hauntingly disturbing decor.
She finds beauty in the art of darkness with each creation and shares them with us, the unusual creatures she has taken into her home.
Join us in her delightfully dark world.
Welcome to The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell.
[record crackling.]
[growling.]
So, anything? - Aah! - We ask ye, spirits.
Will you bring forth one from beyond? [growling.]
Spirits, can you hear us? Can I try? Well, I I don't think it could hurt.
Okay.
[sighs.]
[yells.]
Larry! I know you hear me! Where did you hide that case of expired sardines? Speak to me! [tuts and sighs.]
Hey, uh aren't you worried that using this board might bring something horrible - into the house? - Something horrible is already here.
[hissing.]
- [rattling.]
- Stop, stop, stop! Something's happening.
Oh, my God, something is happening! [grunting.]
- [sighs.]
- [groans.]
What? It's broken.
Come on, Larry! If only there was another way to find a collection of old food.
Maybe if this board wasn't as sticky! Maybe if the board wasn't a cookie.
What? It's a cookie? Wha Would you like a piece? Hm.
Thanks.
[chomping.]
Mm, mm, mm! Oh! Good.
How'd you make it? Oh, it's easy.
Spirit boards, or talking boards, have been a popular tool for mediums SPIRIT BOARD COOKIES for well over a century.
And when Rose asked for one, I thought, why not try making it out of a shortbread cookie? So the first thing you need is a perfectly smooth shortbread cookie.
Put a large ball of dough and roll it all the way to the edges.
And then, taking a knife, cut everything off, bake in the oven for 15 to 16 minutes.
The second you take it out of the oven, place a sheet of parchment directly over it, take a large baking pan and smooth it.
I use this technique for gingerbread, decorative cookies that are gonna have faces, really kind of any cookie that I want to be perfectly smooth on top.
And then I let it cool.
So my talking board needed a dial.
Using two circular cookie cutters of different sizes, I got this perfectly round shape using the same shortbread dough for my board.
And now I'm going to begin painting on a delicate wood grain that when you coat it with ice malt or candy glass, will give it an authentic wood appearance.
I'm using edible airbrush paint to paint on all of the accents and letters and numbers.
The reason I like it for something like this is because it stains the cookie, as opposed to painting on top of it.
Which, when you pour over the candy glass or the isomalt, is going to prevent any kind of smudging or things bleeding in any direction you don't want it to go.
I'm going to continue this technique over this entire board, and then I'll begin painting on all the little details and accents, using a ruler to measure all of the placement.
But if that's a little too complicated, you can always create your own stencil by printing something that you like, cutting out the letters, and getting everything exactly where you want it.
So now that I have a design that I'm happy with, the fun starts.
We're going to airbrush a little bit of darkness and aging around the corners, using brown food coloring to give it a really authentic look and a little bit of a gradient, so it's lighter in the center and darker towards the edges.
I think I'm pretty happy with that.
Now it's time to paint the dial to match.
This airbrushing, mixed with the staining we did earlier, is really going to give it a nice wooden texture.
Alright, I'm done with the airbrushing, and now it's on to the dangerous part, boiling the isomalt.
Isomalt is a sugar substitute made from beet sugars.
You can make candy glass, but the reason I prefer isomalt, which can be purchased at any baking supply store, is because there aren't any extra steps to it.
You literally just put it in a bowl and heat it on the stove on medium heat until liquefied.
Don't forget about your dial.
You'll want to have a knife on hand so you can cut off any runoff, so nothing damages the surface and you keep everything nice and smooth.
And you're gonna want to do this before it solidifies.
I have it on a grate so it will just bleed off, leaving me a gap that I can work with, as opposed to, essentially, gluing it to a board, which is not what you want.
So it cools very quickly, and you have a little bit of time where it's pretty moldable.
It is not sticky to the touch.
Working quickly, you can smooth around the edges with your fingers to remove any drips or uneven spots.
So now what I'm going to do with this little guy, I'm gonna fill this little hole right here with that same isomalt.
We'll allow that to set.
While we let these cool, I'm gonna show you how to make the feet and the base.
To give the cookie an elevated look, I've baked off these little feet and a base that's going to go under it to support the majority of the weight.
For these feet, I used the same shortbread dough that I used in my talking board.
So I'm gonna glue these pieces together, using just a little bit of royal icing.
Oh, you must own stock in royal icing.
It's all you ever freaking talk about.
The isomalt really helps strengthen your cookie.
Now I'm going to glue this top layer onto the bottom layer, using a little bit of royal icing.
What I'm going to do first is paint the feet black, using edible airbrush paint.
Alright.
So now we're ready to pipe on our black trim, once again using royal icing in a parchment bag.
And you can go over your trim with a paint brush to smooth it out.
Alright, just a little bit of finished beading, and we'll be done.
Try and space your beads so they look like rivets on metal.
And there you have it.
A completed spirit board.
With this done, I think we should be able to sweet-talk the dead.
You know, there's an easier way for you to speak to the dead.
- Really? How? - Simple.
You get into a bathtub full of water and I'll throw a hairdryer into it.
Ha-ha-ha.
That was so funny.
[doorbell rings.]
I'll get it! What do you want? [thunderclap.]
Excuse me.
If a big, hairy monster ate your car, we don't know nothin' about it.
Christine.
Cousin Evie? It's Evelyn now.
Oh! Won't you come in? So, when Frederick had his unfortunate accident, I was left penniless and forced to move back in with Mother and Father.
That is terrible.
And by the way, I can't get over what happened to them last month.
Yes, house fires are incredibly common.
You'd be surprised.
Oh, please.
So your husband was really a Grand Duke? Yes.
A Grand Duke with a grand gambling addiction.
Oh, so that makes you a Grand Duchess, doesn't it? [chuckles.]
Technically, but without much money, it doesn't mean much.
Does that mean you can order an execution? Or or demand servants bring you chocolate and garbage? Well, certainly he left you something.
Nope.
Nada.
Goose egg.
- And your parents? - Well, the will is missing.
So while the estate is up in limbo, I thought I'd come here and stay with you.
You know, until it's all settled.
Of course you can.
You can stay in my room.
That's so thoughtful! OK, so how about tomorrow, since you're here, we have one of those old-fashioned tea parties, like we used to when we were little? We can dress up and everything.
It'll be amazing! Sounds fun! Can I sleep with you? Alright, Rose.
That's enough.
- Time for bed.
Goodnight, Edgar.
- [panting.]
Aww.
Goodnight.
Wait, so are you a big spoon or a little spoon? Please stay away from me.
[snoring.]
[owl hoots.]
What's all this? Well, Evelyn and I used to have the most delightful tea parties at her parents' house when we were little.
I was thinking this would bring back some happy memories for her.
Aww.
I like her.
She's classy.
Yes, and she's also quite the storyteller.
She has a very vivid imagination.
She used to tell the most amazing stories when we were little, Like how her parents died? Rankle, I'm surprised at you.
House fires are very common.
I suppose spontaneous combustion is also common.
That's how the hubby died, right? [Christine sighs.]
Anyway Collecting vintage china can be a very expensive hobby.
GOTHIC TEA SE But making your own edible set has the benefit of being both affordable and delicious.
You only need several basic ingredients to pull off this recipe.
Chocolate, balloons, and parchment bags with both white and dark chocolate.
So the first step is dipping a balloon that is roughly the same circumference of a teacup in melted chocolate.
Try to keep the chocolate at about 110 to 120 degrees.
Dip it in, roll it around, and then put it on a cold surface.
And be careful.
If your chocolate is too hot, your balloon will pop.
Let's go put this in the chiller.
Oh, that looks delicious! So while the teacups are chilling, I'll show you how to make a beautiful little plate.
All you need is a simple little tea saucer, something like this, and you're gonna paint it on the back.
If you want your mold to come off a little easier, a trick you can do is cover your plate with some plastic wrap, and then peel it off after it cools.
What the plate essentially does is provide you with a mold, to make a duplicate of it.
Then you set this in the chiller for about ten minutes.
And when it's done, you'll have something similar to this.
To unmold your plate, simply fold back, flip it back over, and peel it off.
Ooh! I like it.
So once you take your balloon out of the chiller, pop the balloon and pull it out, so you have nothing but that perfect chocolate dome.
Now, to smooth the surface, get a hot plate or some sort of hot surface.
The darker your chocolate, the more brittle it tends to be.
So if you're using a dark chocolate like this, and you're having a hard time, consider using milk chocolate instead.
And now we have the base for our teacups.
Now comes the fun part.
Arrange a bunch of your melting chips, and make sure that they're not too cold.
Room temperature is just about right.
I use a cannoli mold, but you really could use anything that has a circular metal ridge, and right where that little drop you're gonna wanna just scoop that in.
You want a whole bunch of these crescent moons made of chocolate.
Chocolate! Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum! So, the purpose for making these little crescent shapes is to add a pretty simple embellishment that we'll just be building on for our teacups and saucers.
Using an open flame, or any kind of heating element, melt your chocolate and attach it to the plate.
So while that sets, let's build the base of the teacup.
So the first thing you wanna do is scrape off that little nugget in the middle of your chip.
And then you're going to arrange your moons around your chip and seal it all together with some melted chocolate in a parchment bag.
And there, your teacup now has little feet.
Well, it's very fancy, until you pour actual tea in it! To do the handles on those teacups, draw out a shape you like, and then lay a parchment paper over it.
I went with a bat wing for my design.
And you just repeat this step, over several times, and then even double them up, so they get extra nice and thick.
This one has been layered about three times, and then chilled.
It has a good amount of strength and dimension.
So the handles should attach just like that, with a little bit of melting chocolate.
Now, we're gonna move on with the really fun decorations.
So I'm gonna cut some white melting chips to go right along the border of my saucer.
And then after I'm done placing them, I'll attach each with a dab of white melting chocolate.
So, taking white chocolate and a parchment piping bag, I can start doing some of those fine details.
And then on these white chips, I'll use dark chocolate.
This process can be very time-consuming.
But it's these little details that really add personality to your tea set and really make it come alive.
And so, with a lot of time, and just a little bit of patience, you can make a whole set and it will be beautiful.
Alright, all done.
 What do you think? You know we own real china, right? As if you know anything about impressing a Duchess.
If we need tips on how to cough up a hairball, we'll call you.
[chuckles.]
[thunderclap.]
Think we're gonna have to move this party indoors.
Well all of this garbage will have to go.
Ugh.
Ugh.
And look at this sad little mirror.
[thunder rumbling.]
[sighs.]
[groans.]
And these clothes! No wonder she's not in a relationship.
[chuckles.]
[thunder crashing.]
[squeals.]
[whimpering.]
How do you like my new hat? It's perfect for our tea party.
Will we also be having a funeral? With Evelyn here, it feels like someone could die at any moment.
It makes me shiver with excitement.
[thunderclap.]
Whoa.
- Ahem.
- Oh! Evie, you're here! I'm making hats right now.
Would you like one? Oh, God, no.
I mean, yes, I would love one.
You're gonna love the party we're having! The whole tea set is made out of cookies and chocolate! - You don't have real china? - If only someone had suggested real china.
Now she thinks we're poor! Well, cookies and chocolates have never been my thing.
You know, some of us are watching our figure.
Actually, I wanted to write a letter.
Where do you keep your papers? You know, stationery? I think there's some stationery up in the dresser in my bedroom.
OK, great.
That's odd.
Alright, I think we're ready to try this hat on.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your cousin is up to no good.
I was beginning to think so.
She tried killing Lucille, and she wants to burn your wardrobe.
Oh, so it's not all bad news then, is it? Thank you, Vivienne.
[sighs.]
I think I know what must be done.
Will you two help me in the kitchen for one last project? Yeah! What are you smiling at? - [thunderclap.]
- It's gotta be in here somewhere.
Oh, God! Last Will and Testament my beloved niece, Christine McConnell and remainder of my estate [thunder crashing.]
[Christine.]
Evelyn, is that you? We're in the dining room.
Evelyn, we've been waiting for you.
Won't you join us? My.
Haven't you all been busy? It's so so unusual.
[chuckles.]
Thank you.
 It's a surprise.
We made it just for you.
Hey! That's my favorite ax! I mean, you could borrow it, I guess, but just don't lose it.
I like to chase the neighborhood kids around with it.
What? I wouldn't kill them with it.
They're too fast.
Well, I have a surprise for you.
I found my parents' missing will in your bedroom.
- Oh? - Do you know what it says? It says they left their entire estate to you.
- [gasps.]
- Why do you think that is? Well, I think your parents have known for some time that you've been unwell, and thought I might make better use of their assets.
But don't worry.
I donated every penny to the local leper colony outside of town! - What? - Yeah, what? I could have been rich? And I could have had servants? And you gave it all away? Money isn't everything.
Just look at what it's done to Evelyn.
[gasps.]
You've always been weird! Huh! Well, the world can do without one more weirdo.
I can't wait to get ahold of this house.
I have plans.
I'm gonna get rid of all of your furniture, and I'm going to murder all those filthy little rodents! [gasps.]
Now, wait just a moment! - I am a cat! I was worshipped as a god - I guess you wanna go first! [screams.]
- Evie, I think it's time you go home.
- [whimpering.]
- Let go of me! - [thunder crashing.]
These gentlemen are here to take you to your new home.
They're going to take excellent care of you there.
And this cake is a farewell cake.
We made it just for your departure.
I'ts a shame you can't stay to enjoy it.
I'll be back! I'll be back, Christine! [gasping and screaming.]
- [door slams.]
- [thunder crashes.]
- Mm.
She really didn't wanna leave.
- [Evelyn screaming.]
You, sir, are a master of the obvious.
[screaming.]
Rose, what's wrong? I just can't believe we could have been rich! I coulda had servants! Why don't you go play with the kids down the street? Would that cheer you up? - Maybe.
- Alright.
No.
Give it to Edgar.
Maybe he'll be fast enough to catch one of 'em.
Hm.
Okay.
- Come on, let's go! - Yeah.
I like chasin'.
[chuckling.]
[sighs.]
It's so nice to see them playing together.
Ah, the joys of youth, and chasing them with an ax.
[laughing.]
[sniffs.]
Aah.
[slurping.]
FAREWELL EVIE Subtitle translation by: