The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020) s01e04 Episode Script

1
I'm just saying,
Bella and Tad are not the perfect couple.
She yelled at him
for getting her coffee wrong.
She treats him like a dummy.
[winces]
That could happen to anyone.
Ash, I know you like him.
Is that really what this is about?
I mean, all you really know about Tad
is that he's eye candy.
Tad is sweet.
Mm-hmm. Like candy.
There's more to Tad than meets the eye.
He has depth.
Oh, girl, you are so crushing on him.
No, I'm over that.
Now I just wanna be his friend.
Then I'll pretend that I didn't just see
you checking out Tad's butt.
[scoffs] I was not-- Thank you.
I lost my partner for quiz bowl,
and we have a big match on Saturday.
Why are you doing quiz bowl?
Two reasons,
the really cool letterman's jack--
vests
and my mom thinks I need
every extracurricular
for my college applications.
I need to medal in quiz bowl.
-Can't you get a new partner?
-Everybody said no.
If I don't find someone today,
they're not gonna let me compete.
I'll do it for you, bud.
-You will?
-Absolutely, bro.
Tad, this is quiz bowl.
It's an academic competition.
And I'm a competitor.
Go, team Stick.
Academic, Tad.
We're not hitting anything, but thanks.
Dude, I know
I'm not an Alfred Einstein, but
if the Stickster needs me,
then the Tad man is there.
But, Tad, a lot of the questions
are really intimidating.
More intimidating
than a 200-pound linebacker
trying to rip your head off?
Last week, my offensive line broke down.
I had to scramble,
ended up breaking three tackles
and running in for the TD. What-what!
[laughs]
Ashley, come back.
So, Sticklish
when are we doing this quiz thing?
It's Saturday, but you know, Tad,
it's a serious time commitment and--
Oh, I get it.
You don't know how to thank me.
I don't.
I'll go carb-load for the big quiz.
-Well, I got school.
-I got work.
I got no future.
[theme music playing]
Hey, tío.
Hey, Ash. How was work?
Amazing.
We found traces of gas on Mars
that could indicate conditions
for supporting microbic life.
How was your day?
We found the kid who clogged the toilets
in the boys locker room.
[laughs] Also cool.
So, what you doing?
A dating app?
Since when do you need a dating app?
Don't you just walk
through the cosmetics counter
at the mall and collect phone numbers?
[laughs] Yeah.
But that's old Victor.
New Victor is raising a kid.
I wanna act more like an adult.
-You found a gray hair?
-Three of 'em.
I'm not getting any younger.
Check this out.
This app is called "Serious Singles
for Serious Singles
Looking for Serious Relationships."
That sounds serious.
Length of your average relationship.
You put six to ten months?
Wouldn't six
to ten hours be more accurate?
My answers are what new Victor would say.
What are you looking at?
It's just
new Victor looks a lot like old Victor.
Well, they're both good-looking.
[phone chimes]
-She's here.
-Who's here?
Ava, my bestie from MIT.
Remember she's coming over today?
Right, right. Of course, I remember.
It's right here on the calendar.
Ashley's little buddy
from college is coming.
She's coming to work with me at JPL.
She's analyzing meteorites for textural
and compositional similarities
to terrestrial samples.
Somebody's gotta do it.
[knock on door]
Maybe you can hang with us?
Tonight?
[sighs] After I finish my app thing,
I gotta reorganize my sock drawer.
I just got a whole shipment in.
Mid-ankle, no-show, crew.
I get it. Listening to two college friends
nerd-out about science
is not your idea of a good time.
It's not anybody's idea of a good time.
[laughs]
Dr. Germaine.
Dr. Garcia.
-Oh, it still sounds so cool to say that.
-No kidding.
You're Ava? [laughs]
You're not a little buddy.
You're a grown, adult woman.
Oh, you must be Uncle Victor.
He can't stay.
He has to reorganize his sock drawer.
I have no idea what she is talking about.
I don't even own socks.
Ava is one of the world's leading experts
in stony meteorites.
Who pays attention to those rankings?
I'm third.
And number two just turned 90, so
Anything you want to know
about meteorites, ask Ava.
Where do I start?
We should sing the song.
We wrote a song
about Ava's doctoral thesis
on meteorites in Antarctica
for the MIT talent show.
Do you still remember it?
I don't know.
Rocks from the sky ♪
Rocks from the sky ♪
Our universe, they demystify ♪
Demystify, ooh-ah ♪
Demystify, ooh-ah ♪
Chondrite's a common sight ♪
Achondritie, a streak of light
Of howardite, eucrite, diogenite ♪
But the sea chondrites
And their chondrules show us ♪
Where life on Earth all began ♪
Where it all began ♪
-4.6 billion years ago ♪
-[snapping fingers]
Radioisotope dating told us so ♪
Bertram Boltwood invented it ♪
That's how we know all this sh-- ♪
Information, ooh-ah ♪
Information, ooh-ah ♪
These magic books sent from on high ♪
I love these ♪
Rocks from the sky ♪
-Now you know why ♪
-I love these ♪
-Rocks from the sky ♪
-Rocks from the sky ♪
Wow, amazing. A-plus.
Hanging with you two tonight
was a lot of fun.
Uh-huh.
I'm just curious,
do you know if Ava's seeing anybody?
I knew it. You wanna ask her out.
Why wouldn't I?
She checks all the boxes.
Smart, passionate, loves children.
Why should I go through some app
when there's an amazing woman
in your office that has everything I want?
For six to ten hours?
No, tío Victor,
I don't want Ava to date you.
Why?
Because you're charming,
you're irresistible--
Ugh! I sound awful.
-I don't want my friend to get hurt.
-Ash, I've changed.
I'm a scientist. I require proof.
Okay, check this out.
Serious Singles found 27 matches for me.
Twenty-seven women carefully screened
and selected just for me.
Three of them sent me pictures
I'm sure violates site policy.
Watch as I select all and swipe left.
Here I go.
Poof!
Gone forever.
Bye-bye, beautiful, serious ladies.
It doesn't matter
if you delete your matches.
You gotta delete your profile.
Not a problem.
I'm not looking for a hookup anymore.
I'll delete the whole app.
Check it out.
I'm a changed man.
Oh, my God.
I believe you.
So, can I call her?
Let me talk to her first.
It might save you some embarrassment
if she's not into you.
[laughs] Right.
I mean, right.
Good idea.
And you'll talk me up?
-I promise.
-Thank you.
-Can I have my phone back?
-[laughs] Oh, sure.
You didn't look at the pictures, did you?
I think he's really changed.
I think it's good that you believe him.
You don't think a man
like my uncle can change?
I think
it's good that you believe him.
-Hey, Stick.
-Terrible, thanks for asking.
Wait, so are you saying
you and your partner Tad aren't ready
for Saturday's big battle of the brains?
You don't know what the pressure's like.
Be glad you have no chance
of getting into a good college.
If college is gonna be full
of people like you, I'm good.
I don't know what to do.
It's either hurt Tad by telling him
I don't want to be his partner
or watch him get destroyed at quiz bowl.
That's awful.
Poor Tad will get humiliated.
We can't let that happen.
Yeah, that kind of humiliation
could destroy someone.
Tad's not used to it.
No one gets used to it.
But, hey, my mom says I'll be popular
in my 30s.
I think I have something.
Tad's an athlete.
They thrive on being competitive.
I just read an article
on sour-grape syndrome
in last month's
Journal of Scientific Psychology.
Have you heard of it?
I've heard of grapes.
The study proved competitive people
don't like doing things they're bad at.
You do a practice quiz bowl
and show Tad he's terrible
at academic contests,
research says he'll quit.
Ashley, I could kiss you.
In a totally non-romantic way
and only with your permission.
Tomorrow night, we'll have
a practice quiz bowl at my house.
You and Tad on one team,
I'll be the other.
You guys won't answer a single question.
I will rub it in your faces.
By the time I'm done with you,
Tad won't even be able to say
the word "quiz bowl."
I will destroy you!
Because I care.
Amazing. I can't believe I am holding
a carbonaceous meteorite chip
from the 1969 drop in Mexico.
And you can just look at them
whenever you want.
They're diamonds from space,
sent from another world
with all the building blocks of life.
Speaking of the building blocks of life,
are you seeing anybody?
Smooth segue.
Sounds like you have
someone in mind for me.
-Maybe.
-Your uncle?
I know I've told you stories
about him being a ladies' man.
Isn't he the one who collects
phone numbers at Sephora?
Also Nordstrom.
And when he's desperate, CVS.
But he doesn't do that anymore.
Ash, you know I'm not interested
in a fling.
He's different now, and somebody like you
would be very good for him.
Why not mix it up
with a sweet football coach, huh?
Huh?
Ash, you know I need someone
who I can talk
about all my nerdy science stuff with.
And, seriously,
do you discuss work with your uncle?
All the time.
My schedule's about to get a little crazy,
but I am free tomorrow.
So, if you say your uncle can hold up
his end of the conversation about science,
then I'm game.
No. No worries there.
Ava said she'd go out with you.
Tomorrow night.
That's fantastic.
Not so fast, Garcia.
She only gets serious with guys
who can talk about work with her.
So, well
I kind of have to teach you science
in one night.
Let's do this.
How tough could it be?
[snoring]
Tío Victor, wake up, wake up.
You wake up.
What was I thinking?
Nobody can learn science in 24 hours.
I can, Ash.
Everything from our last four hours
of studying is right up here.
Ask me something.
Okay, basic stuff.
Name the planets of the solar system.
In order, from the sun.
You're tough.
Mercury
Venus, Earth, my favorite, by the way,
Mars
Simon, Theodore, Alvin!
You said you were ready
for a real relationship.
That's why I put myself out there for you.
It's hard to believe you
if you're not taking this seriously.
I am serious, Ash.
I guess this is just how my brain works.
[laughs] I mean, I can remember
football plays and dirty jokes
song lyrics.
The one you and Ava sang
the other day is still stuck in my head.
Rocks from the sky ♪
Now you know why ♪
Rocks from the sky ♪
Oh, my God. That's it.
That's how we teach you science.
That song was on her thesis topic.
You know that song, you can talk to Ava.
-You're a genius.
-I know.
-Most common type of meteorite?
-[snapping fingers]
Chondrite's a common sight ♪
Less common?
Achondrite, streak of light ♪
The three types of achondrites?
Howardite, eucrite, diogenite ♪
[laughs]
This is totally gonna work. I'm a genius.
Yeah, as long as on the date,
you do the singing part in your head.
Duh, Ashley.
As a genius, I already knew that.
Age of meteorites are determined through?
Radioisotope dating ♪
My second favorite kind of dating ♪
Not part of the song.
Should be as long as we're debating ♪
I think you may know enough to get by.
I do ♪
'Cause I know my rocks from the ♪
-Sky! ♪
-Sky! ♪
You and Stick will be teammates,
and I'll be the other team.
And Brooke will be, what? Quizmaster?
That is correct.
Your emcee voice is dumb.
Ooh, that is incorrect.
Thanks for setting up this practice,
Ashley. You're a good friend.
Oh, thanks, Tad.
I mean, there's no friends in quiz bowl.
You're going down.
This website has a lot
of great sample questions.
-Ah! Ah! Ah!
-I'm not peeking.
Not that. You're just too close to me.
Welcome.
I am Brooke Bishop,
and this is quiz bowl practice.
Who's she talking to?
In one corner,
we have the youngest graduate from MIT,
Dr. Ashley "the Doctor" Garcia!
And in the other corner [clears throat]
Tad and Stick.
-Players, test your buzzers.
-[dings]
Our stapler's not ringing.
Don't worry.
You won't be using it much.
Looks like someone came to play.
And we're off.
The first topic is geography.
Name the eight countries
that border Austria.
Trick question.
Austria is an island,
biggest one on Earth, actually.
Home to the gentle kangaroo.
No, the question is about Austria,
not Australia.
I'm not hearing a difference.
There is. Keep swinging, buddy.
-Ashley picks the topic.
-Literature.
Books.
Yes, Tad, books.
Jane Austen's two incomplete novels are?
-[dings]
-Sanditon and The Watsons.
Ashley is correct.
Continuing with literature,
-the French poet who won the very first--
-[dings]
René Prudhomme won the first Nobel Prize
in 1901.
Ashley is correct.
-The Silver Age of Russian poetry was--
-[dings]
Aleksandr Blok, Marina Tsvetaeva
and little ol' Andrei Bely.
-Ashley is correct.
-Oh, yeah!
I don't stop, I don't stop, whoo! ♪
She's killing us.
Yeah, we suck.
Whose idea was this?
Wow. Gorgeous night.
Mm-hmm.
Maybe we'll see a shooting star,
which are, of course, meteors.
They hit the Earth.
Then obviously, they become meteorites.
[vocalizes]
Chondrites are the most common.
Why do you think that is?
Uh, I'm sorry, were you singing just now?
No.
It was that guy.
Shh! We're eating.
Whoo!
That makes 48 straight correct answers
for Ashley.
That's "the Doctor" to you, suckas.
Continuing with the category "inventions,"
name the historical figure
that invented dynamite.
All right, sure. Tad.
Napoleon Dynamite.
Incorrect.
-[dings]
-Alfred Nobel. Kaboom!
I was so sure on that one.
Forty-nine in a row for Ashley.
I'm trying.
I'm not too good at this stuff, am I?
Sure, you're failing now,
but maybe you'll do better
at the real quiz bowl
in front of that giant crowd
with all the kids from our school
and other schools
and the livestream.
Tad, need a break? Maybe some water.
No break yet, Ashley.
Don't you wanna go for an even 50?
Make it a shutout.
Yeah, sure. One more.
And then, Stick, don't be mad
but I think you need to find
another partner.
Don't worry about it.
Farid from math club
saw the quiz bowl vest.
He wants in.
All right, let's try
Mexican history.
Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of what?
Tad.
The Mexican army's victory over the French
at the Battle of Puebla.
Nice try, bud.
Tad is correct.
Say what?
[Brooke] Continuing with the category,
the Aztecs
originally called Mexico City what?
Tenochtitlan.
Tad is correct.
Name the woman who co-founded
the United Farm Workers Union
along with Cesar Chavez.
Dolores Huerta.
That's three in a row for Tad.
What is happening?
Name the LA newspaper famous
for its part in the Chicano movement.
-Tad, you don't know this one?
-Oh, I do,
but I want to give the lady a chance
to buzz in.
Thank you.
I don't know the answer.
You know who does know the answer?
This sucka! Ha ha!
La Raza.
Correct again.
Tad, you're amazing.
How do you know all this?
Mostly from my Uncle Ramón.
He actually wrote for La Raza
back in the day.
That's so cool.
Ramón's my hero.
Dude's 75,
and he's still out there protesting.
He's been taking me to marches
and rallies since I could walk.
He says, "Está en tu sangre."
-That means--
-"It's in your blood."
I know.
I'm a third Mexican.
[laughs]
A third?
How can you be a-- forget it.
Tío Ramón took me to Mexico every summer
until his mom died.
You know, I've never been.
It's amazing.
The people, the food.
Sometimes, I go downtown to Olvera Street
just to breathe in the smell of antojitos.
You know,
I've never been to Olvera Street.
I can take you sometime.
How about this Saturday?
Saturday. Super. Same day as quiz bowl.
I'll miss you, buddy.
Right. I've got quiz bowl.
You were gonna quit.
Before I found out I was good.
How about Sunday?
It's a date.
I mean not a date,
like in a "date" date sense,
but in the sense that Sunday's the tenth,
and that's a date. Okay!
It'll be an honor to be your partner
on Saturday.
Tad, I can't take it anymore.
From the second you volunteered
to be my partner for quiz bowl,
I've been trying to tell you something.
You
are a really good friend.
Better than I deserve.
Thanks, buddy.
I've still got some salt in my eye.
Told you he was a little more
than eye candy.
You did, but just be careful.
You don't think I can handle one day out
with Tad and not fall for him again?
Ashley is correct.
I've always found it interesting
that the rare achondrite meteorite
has more varieties than the chondrite.
I mean you got
[softly hums]
howardite, eucrite, diogenite.
Were you singing again?
You got me.
Beauty makes me break into song.
And brains, well,
they make me wanna dance,
which is awkward but not impossible
when you're sitting down.
Um, well
it's getting pretty late, so
do you maybe wanna come up
to my hotel room for a drink?
Let me think. Yes.
Thank you.
Ava, hold on.
Before we go any further,
I gotta be completely honest with you.
-Okay.
-I'm not a science guy at all.
[laughs] I'm a football coach,
and everything I know about science is
from that song you wrote with Ashley.
So, if you wanna end this date right now,
I totally understand.
See? I'm not just a super serious,
no-fun workaholic.
Who called you that?
My last boyfriend.
I hope he gets hit in the head
with a 700-pound aquadite.
-Achondrite.
-Whatever kills him quicker.
Now it's my turn to be honest.
I knew you weren't a science guy.
Never bought it, huh?
Not for a nanosecond. [laughs]
When we first met,
I had no interest in having a fling,
but you were so charming,
you kind of changed my mind.
And I'm not ready
for anything serious right now,
but I was hoping
by the end of the night to get
flung.
What's the matter?
[sighs]
I can't.
I mean, I can, but I can't.
Old Victor, last week Victor
he'd be happy
for something light and fluffy,
but it's like I'm on a new, healthy diet,
and I wanna stick to it.
I can see myself getting serious
with someone like you.
Oh, that's
No, 'cause I'm not a brain?
We could still have some fun.
[scoffs]
I don't think so.
[exhales]
I must say, I respect you, Victor.
It's hard to change.
It is.
Good night, Victor.
I gotta get out of here.
[Ava sighs]
Good luck with your diet.
Tío, hey, how was the date?
I decided Ava's not right for me.
Oh, she didn't buy the science act?
Not for a nanosecond.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well, how was your quiz bowl thing?
-Incredible.
-The plan worked? You got Tad to quit?
Stick must be ecstatic.
Oh, no. The plan totally bombed.
Stick's miserable.
Then, what was incredible?
I'm going to Olvera Street
on Sunday with Tad.
Isn't he dating Bella?
We're just going as friends.
It's not a date, really. It's not.
Absolutely not.
-Good night, tío Victor.
-Good night, Ash.
[laughs] We're just friends.
Two friends, doing friend stuff.
Not a big deal.
[shouts]
Oh, boy.
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune!
[laughs]
Lot of good that does me now.
[theme music playing]