The Family Stallone (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

MTV. ♪
♪
SISTINE:
Billy, come here.
-Let's check this tree.
-(barks)
SYLVESTER:
You're not good at lizards.
-Wait, I think she found one.
-Yeah, get a little bit quicker.
-Oh!
-(screaming, clamoring)
-(screaming)
-It's yours.
Dad, stop. Dad! Stop.
Reptiles, snakes,
turtles, tarantulas.
That is my hell on earth.
How do you not get scared
of that?
-(barking)
-Mom, Billy caught a lizard.
No, she's just licking him.
She just likes
to lick the lizard.
Billy, no. Stop, stop! Hey!
Scarlet,
I remember
when she was six years old,
had a tarantula on her shoulder.
She's that kind of person.
The other two are afraid
of houseflies.
SOPHIA:
Ew, Dad!
(screams)
Now payback.
No, please don't.
I actually am serious.
Please don't,
please don't, please don't.
A gnat, they go
into full-blown panics.
I don't know why,
I feel bad for the gnat.
Please don't, please don't.
Please don't.
-SISTINE: Do it! Do it!
-Babe, you're not afraid.
-I'm afraid, I
I'm not into lizards at all.
-Do it!
-Jennifer.
-(screaming, clamoring)
Mom, it's on your pants!
(screaming)
There it is. Hunter.
-Gatherer.
-Do it!
(Billy barking)
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
♪
FRANK: Well, Sly,
I haven't been here since
I haven't been here since
Lincoln was in the White House.
My brother has a gig
in Atlantic City.
I haven't been here
since I was 14 years old.
Where I found a toe
on the beach.
I don't want to get into that.
It was just floating.
-PRODUCER: Whoa, what?
-I did find a toe on the beach.
The toe had a Band-Aid on it.
Are you serious?
Can I make this up?
But today my brother
has a gig singing
at the Hard Rock
in Atlantic City,
and I can't be more excited.
There's no time to lose ♪
Time to get it on ♪
Wow!
There's no time to lose ♪
Don't move, bro.
Stay right there.
This will be epic.
FRANK:
This is the story of my life.
Goddamn it. Come on.
I can't friggin' believe this.
It's broken.
FRANK: And it goes dead
when I pull into town.
SYLVESTER:
There's one pixel lit, green.
FRANK:
That is, that is bizarre.
Every time we play
a really big show,
you know,
it's like Murphy's Law or maybe
voodoo or something,
and n-nothing ever works out.
It's just kind
of a strange thing, you know.
I mean, I've broken
my toe onstage.
I've had shit thrown
at me onstage.
I've touched the mic
on my mouth and it blew up.
I got electrocuted.
You can't get a break.
And I bet you before
we get to the hotel,
we get four flats and they get
hit by a garbage truck.
I came along on the trip
to Atlantic City
to make sure the show
must go on no matter what.
This one's too important.
FRANK: The thing is,
this is not like a normal gig.
I've been trying to get in this
gig for a long time, brother.
This show, to me,
is ultra-important.
If the show goes well,
they got 16 Hard Rocks.
And that means I could play
every one of them
during the year.
A big deal for me.
SYLVESTER:
Be prepared.
If it can happen, it will.
♪
(all screaming, clamoring)
Oh, my God!
Look at you.
SISTINE:
I don't get to see Scarlet
that often when she's at school,
but she told us
she broke up with her boyfriend.
So I'm just going
to be there for her
as much as I possibly can.
Scarlet, you look so good.
Really?
I haven't seen you in so long.
I've missed you.
-I got kind of bangs.
-You did cut bangs.
-She did cut bangs.
-Good for you.
You know when you get bored
at looking at yourself?
It's just, like,
I want something to change.
SOPHIA:
How's dating life been?
You know, it
Just so much has,
you know, happened,
and I did go on a couple dates,
and they were
kind of humps for sure.
-Why?
-Because they're not Joe.
'Cause they're not Joe?
I wanted
to be in a relationship,
but he said
there's no way
it could really work out.
Aw!
SCARLET:
Joe and I are not together.
However, I do still
deeply care about him.
I don't want him out of my life.
And it's hard for me to move on.
But for right now,
he has his life
and doing his thing.
Sometimes they're friends and
then they're exclusive and then
they're boyfriend/girlfriend,
then they're friends.
It was almost like
they were missing the mark
on each other every single time.
And it seems like
this time around she wanted him,
but it wasn't reciprocated.
SCARLET: Best friends forever,
but I guess not.
It was so overwhelming.
I think it's a mix of sadness,
scared and
confusion and
I just can't be friends
with him.
(sniffles)
SISTINE: Not only is
she losing a guy that she
truly, truly cared about,
she's also losing a best friend
at the same time.
And now not having your partner
and your person
with you anymore is hard.
I just, uh,
don't really see myself
-dating
-Anyone else?
Anyone else.
I'm a little worried about
Scarlet 'cause she hasn't
really talked like this
about someone and she's, like,
making all these claims
that she doesn't want
to try anyone else
and no one's like Joe.
And I feel like
she's struggling.
SCARLET:
Some girl will be so lucky.
♪
JENNIFER:
We have actually planted
some strawberries,
-plums. It's amazing.
-Oh, I can't wait.
JENNIFER:
My best friend Kirstin,
I've known since junior high.
Over 40 years.
She's been there
from the very beginning.
Yeah, junior high,
I was voted "most shy."
I wouldn't talk
to anybody except you.
-KIRSTIN: That was it.
-JENNIFER: Sly is
in Atlantic City right now.
And for me,
being an empty nester now,
I-I love having her around.
So you're not gonna
believe this.
You know, Scarlet just had
a big heartbreak.
Oh, my God.
-I can't believe it.
-The baby, like
-That's the baby.
-I know.
-So it's a lot.
-It's got to be really tough.
-She's very independent.
-Yeah.
And I know
she won't open up to me
as much as she opens up to Sly.
That's what's causing me
so much stress.
-Can you call me
once in a while?
-I know.
How about call me, check in
or come home once in a while?
-Yeah, she will.
-But I don't know.
Scarlet is super independent.
And even though I want to go
see her in college,
I have to respect her,
and not go and visit her
every other weekend.
I need to give her
her space and let her grow.
I know that.
It's just empty home.
There's nobody here.
And I'm so happy
that you came over.
-Me, too.
-And I mean,
I was thinking back.
You have known Sly
for now, 35 years.
(chuckles)
Just as long as you have.
Listen, you were on,
what, our first date?
-No, the first date
-I was there the night you met
-and first date.
-First date, like second date.
-I remember you.
We met at a restaurant.
-Right.
I remember vividly
the first time I met Jennifer.
I was in this dark restaurant
with a few people.
And it's you and I,
and we've never
gone out in Hollywood,
really before.
She came in and
whoa, something happened.
I'll never forget
seeing his face
when he saw you
for the first time.
-Aw.
-I witnessed it.
I just felt,
like, this jolt,
like, oh, did we just have
a minor earthquake
or something, like?
We just hit it off.
It was crazy.
Like we were inseparable
all night.
And remember we went
to that club downtown?
-I was the third wheel.
-You were the third wheel.
But you were a great,
lucky third wheel, Kirstin.
I said, why don't we go
to a club or something?
She goes, "Uh, okay,
"but I'll, I'll follow you over.
I-I, you know, just want
to be in my own car."
No, he's like,
"Come in the limo."
-We're like, "We're good."
-"No, we're good.
"I've got the Dodge Duster
parked out back.
-We'll follow you there."
-"We got it."
(engine turns over)
SYLVESTER:
So I walk outside,
and she has this Dodge Duster,
primer colored,
missing one headlight.
-The speedometer didn't work.
-Speedometer didn't work.
The gas gauge didn't work.
And a gas rag
hanging out of the back,
like a Molotov cocktail.
I was like, "Yeah, because
I don't have a gas cap."
Things, as they say, happen
when you least expect it.
Nobody knows
what life is gonna bring.
And then 35 years later,
you look at your beautiful
family and you realize
you're the luckiest
son of a bitch in the world.
We've been through
a lot since our first date.
(laughing)
We've been through
-a lot together.
-Yeah, yeah.
-I love you so much.
-I love you, too.
SOPHIA:
Mom, did you make this coffee?
-It's good, isn't it?
-Mm, it's a little lukewarm.
Lukewarm coffee is nasty.
Has anyone heard from Scarlet?
-She's really sad.
-SOPHIA: She's really sad.
-I feel bad.
-Yeah, she's not good.
You know, I feel like we should
get your dad involved in this,
because he's really good
with dealing with breakups.
Scarlet and Sly
are very similar.
And they understand
each other very well.
I know he's in Atlantic City
with Frank right now, so maybe
we should do, like, a FaceTime.
My dad keeps it real with us.
And every time he's given us
advice, it's always been right.
It's like, I don't know
how long this is going to be
until she gets over it,
and we need all hands
on deck if that's the case.
-Hi, Dad.
-Hi.
So we have some news for you.
-What's going on?
-Gonna sip my tea.
So your third daughter
is spiraling right now.
She got dumped.
Joe broke up with her.
She got the boot.
She's very strong.
You know, she's very tough.
Yeah, but she really
liked this one.
She might need you to talk
to her or something,
because I think she's
not going to get over this.
I think she will get over it.
I don't think she's as depressed
as you guys think she is.
SISTINE:
I don't think my dad
is comprehending how difficult
it is as a young woman
navigating a breakup.
She's not happy.
And we need you to call her or
something because it's not good.
He's got to be
a little more sensitive.
She knows how to handle
these situations
emotionally pretty well.
You're telling me
a 20-year-old has better
emotional capabilities than me?
Okay, I got an idea.
I'll bet you that
in two weeks,
she'll be over this guy.
And if you lose the bet,
you have to come with me,
unfortunately,
to this lizard store
that Uncle Frank
wants to go to because
-he thinks he needs
-There's no way.
a reptile companion.
What?
My brother
who's never had a pet,
decided he finally wants
to get one.
Yeah, I want a pet,
but I don't want to walk a dog
in the morning and pick up
I don't know.
I was thinking, you know,
I want a giant monitor lizard.
Well, it should meet my lion.
(laughter)
SYLVESTER:
Pick up a reptile
anytime you want.
I'll back you up.
SOPHIA:
Reptile store with Frank
seems like torture.
I don't want to be there alone.
Deal?
-So hold on
-Deal! Deal, I'll take it.
Because I can tell you
right now that
there's no way she'll be
over it in two weeks.
Okay.
-I'm sorry.
-You got a bet.
-I got to run, guys.
-All right.
-Bye, love you.
-Love you.
No. We're gonna win this.
I've been heartbroken,
so I know what
Scarlet's going through.
You want her to stay depressed
so you don't have to go
to the lizard store.
I mean, that's pretty
shallow hallow of you.
When you say it like that
♪
Check one, two,
one, two, one, two.
EMT: Your blood pressure
is a little high right now.
It's 154/96.
It could be because of
the stress of the situation.
EMT 2: When did
the nosebleed start again?
I'm in the hotel room
the day of the show.
My nose starts bleeding.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I was packing,
I was doing everything,
and I was coughing up
just this horrible coag--
It's disgusting.
Blood all over the place.
Can't believe you have
this hospital with you here.
This is what they do, man.
-They keep busy.
-You have a sore nose.
This is for a gunshot wound.
It's not a normal nosebleed.
It can't happen at home
while I'm tying my shoes, right?
It has to happen on one
of the biggest shows
that I want to do.
SYLVESTER:
Really Murphy's Law.
And I'm not kidding you,
every film I enjoyed
making was a horror.
Didn't work, it was a disaster.
Every film that was a nightmare
to work on, successful.
What's that tell you?
If you don't get injured,
you're not going to sing well.
-So injury
-FRANK: Injury brings on
Disaster is what
brings on good luck.
-There's something to that.
-FRANK: Rocky II,
you ripped your peck
and had to do the movie.
-Like when you broke your toe
before Rocky Balboa.
-Oh, man.
It was the most painful,
but had to do the movie.
You had to cut out
the toe of your
I was fighting with shoe--
toeless boots.
But no one looked down.
The scariest time I ever had
in like a movie fight,
Rocky III,
a real fighter hit me
so hard and he just went whack--
in the shoulder.
Not my face.
And I literally capsized.
Sly was here
and he just disappeared.
The producers jump in.
"Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him!
Don't hurt our meal ticket."
I said, I'm done.
Get me a nice tender
sweetheart like Mr. T.
(laughter)
If I'm onstage
and I start bleeding,
they'll probably think
it's part of the show.
They probably think
it's like Alice Cooper.
Yeah, everyone loves vampires.
I'm so used to having
things fail and not happen.
I'm thankful Sly's here with me
to help remember
the show must go on.
SYLVESTER:
You don't want me to fill in?
-FRANK: No way.
-SYLVESTER: Just don't
fall down a well.
FRANK:
Here we go.
♪
(cheering and applause)
Sold out. Packed.
I just hope my nose
doesn't open up again
or something worse with my luck.
SYLVESTER:
Ladies and gentlemen
(crowd cheering)
Yo.
Jersey.
I'm here to deliver
the message, okay?
My brother, who really
has more talent than me,
is about to lay it all on you.
(cheering)
So I want you all to give it up
for Frank Stallone!
♪
This is the end ♪
You made your choice
and now my chance is over ♪
-Get up!
-(cheering)
You put me down
and say I'm goin' nowhere ♪
(cheering)
Save me, darlin' ♪
I am down but I am
far from over ♪
My brother persevered
and dealt with this
terrible nosebleed
of colossal proportions.
(laughs) Dare I go there?
I just had to say that.
I'm sorry.
Let me try that again.
Frank got over his nosebleed,
played an amazing show,
and the bad luck streak
was officially broken.
Save me, darlin' ♪
I am down but I am
far from over. ♪
(cheering and applause)
Thank you!
Frank Stallone!
♪
Buster. Come.
JENNIFER:
Where's your lizards?
Yeah, there, there.
(Buster barking)
What's up, playas?
At first I thought
you were Scarlet.
Oh, well, sorry.
You got the other one.
Aww. Boo.
Scarlet's about to
come home for the weekend.
I'm super excited.
I've got her room ready.
Refrigerator's full of food.
I'm so happy we're going to have
the whole family together.
So, this will be so nice.
-It's gonna be great.
-Yeah, and she could
be really sad.
Unlike some people believe.
I'm just saying,
I think I know Scarlet.
And I think I won the bet.
Just saying.
I don't want
to go to a reptile place.
-I really hope
-Don't, if you say
-I hope she's really sad.
-You're already jinxing it.
-JENNIFER: Scar!
-SYLVESTER: Hey!
(all whooping)
SISTINE:
She's home!
Hi, baby.
Oh, my goodness. Look at you.
-Look at you.
-Aw.
-Hi.
Look at you.
Your hair looks pretty.
You look so great, baby. Mmm.
I love you so much.
I'm glad you're home.
She just keeps growing
and growing, doesn't she?
Yeah.
I love you, baby.
Oh, Scarlet,
before we get going,
how are you and Joe doing?
I mean no, I'm happy.
Joe and I are both happy,
no matter what.
-SOPHIA: Aw, geez, okay.
-And we're great friends now.
You're like just, "Oh,
we're just friends. We're fine."
-No, we're fine.
-Not heartbroken?
Is it bad that I'm not sad?
(Sylvester laughs)
What the heck?
She's fine?
I'm fine, I mean (laughs)
It has literally
been not even two weeks.
Actually,
maybe not even two seconds.
Whatever she's having,
I'll have because
that's the way to go about it.
But we-we're better off
as friends.
Yes, thank you very much.
SOPHIA:
So you're not sad at all?
-I know my daughter.
-Not even a little bit?
I'm in a house of females.
Even when I'm right, I'm wrong.
I never win.
Finally, I won today.
Thank you, Scarlet,
for proving me right,
because it's never going
to happen again.
No, I don't want to
go to a lizard shop! Ugh!
-What does that mean?
-What the hell are you guys
talking about?
Dad made a bet that if
you were upset about Joe,
that he wouldn't have
to bring us
to this stupid lizard reptile
store with Frank.
We lost the bet.
And I am absolutely horrified
about what is to come.
SCARLET: You guys
made a bet on my feelings?
(rattling)
-(hissing)
-SISTINE: Oh, no.
SOPHIA:
Oh, no, no, no.
I can already smell
from out here.
It does have
a certain fragrance.
This is not a good idea.
FRANK:
I'm a bachelor, so he's figuring
something like this
to keep me company.
What kind of woman
are you trying to attract
if you're walking one of these?
Welcome to Jurassic Park.
He's a tiny frog. Wake up, bro.
FRANK: Oh, he's pissing.
-Oh, come on.
-It's raining. It's raining.
Is that actual pee?
Jesus Christ, that thing
come with a life jacket?
JAY: You want me to get
something crazy out?
-SYLVESTER: Yeah.
-FRANK: Yeah, man.
-(Sophia gasping)
-Are you kidding me?
Oh, my God.
JAY: Is that a big enough
snake for you?
Oh, my God, that is so big.
JAY:
Oh, everything's exciting today!
-SYLVESTER: Oh no!
-FRANK: He went to the bathroom?
-SOPHIA: Not again!
-(Frank blows raspberry)
FRANK:
Oh, it's like a truck stop.
-(gagging)
-(laughing)
When you applied for this job,
did you have any idea you'd be
dealing with 350-pound snakes?
Oh, my God. It's so heavy.
-I'm not touching that, pal.
-(Jay laughs)
Bringing them to this place
and seeing them freak out?
Major payback.
Of course they're making bets
on my feelings behind my back.
They deserve it. (laughs)
No. No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
-No, no, no.
-SOPHIA: I'm going home.
SCARLET:
It almost bit you.
Sophia, give Daddy a hug.
-No, no, no, no, no.
-Why?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I think my dad torturing us
is one of his favorite pastimes,
to be quite frank.
It's kind of cool, right?
(whimpering)
-(gasping)
-JAY: You're living
the dream right now.
You never dreamt you'd do this.
SYLVESTER:
Oh, I'm so proud of you,
baby love.
-SOPHIA: Can you get him?
-Watch her. She's gonna faint.
-(yelps)
-(laughter)
-Your turn.
-I-I can't, Dad, I can't.
I hate spiders.
I have had a fear of them
since I can remember.
Sistine, I know you can do this.
-FRANK: Come on.
-JAY: Come on, come on.
One thing I'm bad at
is peer pressure,
and I can't say no to people,
and I just want to look tough.
(stammering, screaming)
JAY:
It doesn't hurt.
(shrieking)
Get it off, get it off!
-Please stop, please get it off.
-He wants to go up
for some reason.
Oh, my God!
That was not nice.
We've learned our lesson.
It may be a little insensitive
on our part to bet on
Scarlet's heartbreak, but
You know what? We're
messed-up people, all right?
You just got to roll with it.
This is our family.
Scarlet will get over it.
Sly's gonna pet a turtle.
I'll never learn.
Sorry, Scarlet.
Sophia and I were just talking
about Frank on our podcast.
-SYLVESTER: What's the problem?
-He's too controversial.
FRANK: We should do a podcast
about the first time I had sex.
SCARLET:
Oh, my God!
When I was younger,
I fell in love with acting.
Now it's your turn.
It makes me so nervous.
It's a lot of pressure
because I'm doing this
with my dad.
Don't screw this up, Scarlet.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
Captioned by
access.wgbh.org