The Flatshare (2022) s01e04 Episode Script
They Fuck You Up
1
Fuck, I fancy my flatmate.
And we're gonna find
the Johnny White
and reunite him with Mr. Prior.
Nice article.
Don't think the flatshare is gonna work.
Leon's practically asked me to move out.
I don't think you understand.
This article could ruin
everything Richie has going.
Which is what?
I can't do this anymore.
I edited your article.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Justin, how did you know where I live?
I never gave you my address.
[AARON TAYLOR'S "LESSON LEARNT"]
♪
Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey ♪
♪
Would've thought that I'd
have learnt this all by now ♪
It seems that I'm here
again some way, somehow ♪
I guess it's a lesson learnt ♪
If you play with fire
then baby you will burn ♪
I guess it's a lesson learnt ♪
If you play with fire
then you'll probably burn ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING, DOG BARKING]
[GROANS SOFTLY]
[STEAMER HISSING]
[GIGGLES]
You were doing it wrong.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Good morning.
Morning.
- Are we gonna talk about it?
- Talk about what?
Your powers of seduction?
Are you and Ariella
Look [SIGHS]
Tiffy, last night was amazing.
But, look, I need to have a think.
Oh, and, um
And you need to find
yourself a new flatmate.
[DOOR SHUTS]
Nice article.
Don't think the flatshare
is going to work.
[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]
♪
[CUTLERY CLINKING, PAN SIZZLING]
Wow. What a spread.
[CHUCKLES]
Come here. Let me look at you.
It's been a while.
Mm-mmm.
What?
You've not been looking
after yourself, that's what.
You need to fix your hair.
Looks like a grizzly bear ate
you whole and stole your face.
And a good morning to you, too, Mum.
Are you feeding yourself properly, hm?
'Cause you can't live on cornflakes.
I broke up with Kay.
- Um you want to talk about it?
- No.
I thought she was it. You know?
Like, marriage and kids.
Did you want marriage and kids with her?
I don't know. I just assumed.
Well, they're both a pain
in the butt, let me tell you.
Actually, the thing that broke it
Mm. Someone else, yeah?
What? No.
No one else.
She never believed Richie was innocent.
She thought I was wasting my time.
Wow.
Sounds like your flatmate
thought otherwise.
- You read the article?
- Mm.
She's a good little writer, isn't she?
[SCOFFS]
Are you serious, Mum?
I told her to move out.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
[WHISPERS] Okay.
♪
Mmm.
[SIGHS]
♪
Single room in Watford, no windows.
- Ugh.
- Charming box room
Would suit someone 5'3" or under.
Fun-loving single girls only.
Converted crypt in Croydon.
Bills don't include gas or Netflix.
17-minute walk from High Barnet.
- Deposit is £1,970.
- Must like cats
- Lots of cats.
- Small double in Cockfosters.
Subletting my room while I find myself
- in Bali.
- My houseshare, no doors.
Looking for a chilled housemate
- Homey home
- Who's up for cooking,
watching movies, and
the occasional orgy.
Share my bunk bed for £350 a month.
Looking for a housemate who can also
look after my baby.
[HUFFS]
I'll be gone by the end of the week.
PS, you can keep the coffee machine.
Sell it, if you like.
"My fucked-up flatshare."
Language, Leon.
Ain't my language, it's her headline.
She never even asked.
Well, that's journalists for you.
It isn't her story to tell.
And him, going behind my back
Look, Leon, I know you're angry, yeah,
but what you got
Oh, here comes trouble.
- Leon.
- Hey.
Right on time, bro.
Cómo estás, amigo?
What? Ow.
Wha what's this?
You're beating me up now.
- All right, can we
- Está bien?
Can we sit down now, please?
- Good to see you.
- Can we get started?
All right, Leon.
All right, Frank.
This is nice, isn't it?
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Thanks.
Hello. I'm calling about
the flat to let in Dagenham.
Hi, I'm calling about the
flat to let in Edmonton.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Sorry.
Uh, one one sec.
Hello?
Hello, darling.
- Could you
- What are you doing here?
[DISTANT SIRENS WAIL]
I mean, darling, why didn't you tell us?
Tell you what?
Well, the flat.
I mean, it's just dreadful.
It's actually a pretty good flat.
I need to sit down.
You should see some of the other places.
Really, Tiffy, we would have helped you.
You didn't have to
move in with a criminal.
What are you talking about?
Leon isn't a criminal.
I mean, he works in a
hospice. He helps people.
It's actually the
opposite of a criminal.
Why would you leave Justin for this?
Justin broke up with me.
That article you wrote
was very disturbing.
Could I have a glass of water, please?
You never actually
normally read my articles.
I'm feeling a bit crummy.
Get your mother a glass of water.
[GROANS]
[FAUCET RUNNING]
Right, well
[CLEARS THROAT] Thanks,
Dad, Mum, but there's really
no need to worry about me
because as you can tell, I'm moving out.
Yes. Justin told us.
We're here to take you home.
You spoke to him? When?
We've made up the futon in the study.
I'm an adult, and I
make my own decisions.
And I don't want to go back to Surrey.
Darling, you're homeless.
- No, I'm not.
- If you think my daughter
is moving in with another
stranger off the Internet
I found a place. It's all sorted.
I'm moving in with
Maia and Mo.
- Ooh.
- Can we come live with you?
- Listen.
- My place is a bit small, Archie.
La comida en España es
mejor que la de Mamá?
[LAUGHS]
I told you, Finn, I don't speak Spanish.
Then how do you understand anyone?
Um, I think the boys are
getting a bit confused.
Mm.
I'll go load the dishwasher.
[DEVICE SPEAKS SPANISH]
All mod cons now, innit?
Because Richie lives in Spain
But Richie doesn't live in
They thought you were there, too.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
[HUFFS]
Okay.
[DEVICE SPEAKS SPANISH]
Yeah, Richie lives in Spain.
And sometimes, I go to visit him.
Is he all on his own?
Yeah, sort of.
But he won't be in Spain forever.
I'm trying to get him out Back.
I'm trying to get him back home.
I want to go to Spain.
- No, you don't.
- Mm-mm, no way. Mm-mm.
I I'm sorry about the Spain thing.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] But they're kids.
I shouldn't have come.
Well, what am I supposed to tell them?
If you believed Richie,
you wouldn't lie about him.
All right, let me
stop you right there
Or maybe you want to keep
things the way they are.
Hm? Nice house,
nice garden, nice dishwasher.
- What's gotten into you?
- That's the reason
you wouldn't pay bail last year.
It's not because you couldn't afford it.
It's because you didn't
want him coming back
from "Spain" and ruining
your nice little life.
Bail would have bought
us a couple of weeks.
And if I'd had to pay the surety,
we would have lost the house.
I've got to do what's best
for everyone, not just Richie.
I know things were different
for you and your brother.
Yeah, we struggled.
Your dad wasn't well
[HUFFING] Ooh.
I don't want to talk about that.
Yeah, well, maybe we should.
It's too late, Mum.
Where you gonna go?
There's no space for me here.
[DOOR SHUTS]
It's like musical houses with
your generation, isn't it?
If only I could buy somewhere.
When we lived in Earl's
Court in the '70s
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, thanks for the lift.
We could do another run, Tiffy.
- Couldn't we, darling?
- Honestly, I'm fine.
- I have a man with a van.
- A what?
I've got it from here. Okay?
You can get back in the car now.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
[EXHALES]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Actually, now's not the best time
Ugh. They're so manipulative.
Can we do this later?
Barging into my life
I can't stand it.
Ugh. Honestly, if you ever see
me turning into my mother
Do you want some tea or something?
[AS MOTHER] Darling, you're homeless.
I think we've got rooibos
[LAUGHS] I mean And
I never ask for any money.
And they'd never give me any money.
Fucking Earl's Court in the '70s.
Fucking fuck off.
I had to tell them I was
moving in with you guys
just to get them to leave.
[EXHALES]
[LAUGHS]
What's up with you two?
- Actually
- Nothing.
Are those new pans?
[KOFFEE'S "TOAST"]
♪
Cyaa bawl inna life man ♪
Gwaan wid it, mi gwaan wid it ♪
Yo, Izy, are you kidding me? ♪
Toast, yeah, unh, yeah ♪
- [BELL RINGS]
- Say we a come in ♪
Wid a force, yeah ♪
Blessings we a reap pon ♪
- Yo, boy.
- Hey, bro.
Looking sharp.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
Yeah, we give thanks
like we need it the most ♪
We haffi give thanks ♪
Yo! Is that Leon, yeah?
Man-like Leon!
Come on, bro.
- Hey, bro.
- Good, bro.
Good to see you, man.
You're my 11 o'clock appointment, right?
- Yeah? You ready, yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, sure.
- Cool. Calm.
- Come on, man.
Nah, man, it'll just
be five minutes, man.
It's calm, it's chill. It's calm.
Yo, it's been a long time, brother.
Ugh. I know, right?
What's going on here, bro? What's this?
You been cheating on
me with another barber?
Is that it? [LAUGHTER]
Nah, I can't lie, I just
been cutting it myself.
Bruh. What, times that bad, yeah?
[LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY]
Yo, listen, I heard
about Richie and all that.
That's tough times, for real, man.
Thanks, bro.
A'ight. Let's fix you up.
So obviously, you guys are fucking.
So why don't you just say it.
- We were gonna tell you
- No, it
It's actually not your business.
It actually is my business
because you're supposed
to be my friends.
I introduced you.
I set you up as flatmates.
And you know, it turns
out I could have been
renting a bedroom off you guys
'cause you clearly don't need two.
- I mean, you you can.
- No, no, no.
How dare you barge in here
and try to tell us how to live
and where to sleep and
who we're allowed to fuck.
No. I didn't barge.
It's always about you.
You treat us like supporting characters
in the shit indie film of your life.
Is that what you really think?
You're always calling
and texting for advice.
But the minute I need
something, it's silence.
Are you serious?
You literally never
reply to my messages.
All you do is talk about Justin.
I sent you my article.
You haven't even read it.
[LAUGHS WRYLY]
Do you know what it's like
to watch your best friend
repeatedly harm themselves?
We've been here before.
You'll be back with him by next week,
and then we'll start
the whole cycle again.
Mm-mm. No.
[SCOFFS]
And you're going.
Tiff, why don't we
No, no, no, no.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Why are we a secret?
I don't have room for a relationship.
I'm not asking for a relationship.
I'm asking to be acknowledged.
[SIGHS] I love what we have.
That's it.
Things are getting hot, yeah?
- Yeah.
- And she ask me to go down south.
How you mean? Like Croydon?
Nah, he means Brixton.
[LAUGHTER]
- Dirty south.
- Whoa.
You got to trust your woman, man.
- [LAUGHTER]
- No, man. Nasty.
Look, maybe some of these old dogs
need to learn some new tricks.
- Ooh.
- Ooh. Go on, bro.
- Nah.
- No, no, no.
You know he's allowed, yeah?
Yeah, listen to this man.
He's been with his girl
for time, you understand?
Uh, actually, we broke up.
Oh.
My bad, bro. You should've said.
It is what it is.
So um
any plans this weekend?
It's Friday night with the boys, innit?
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I'll come with.
- You're for real?
- For real.
It's time to live a little.
Jeez!
That you, yeah, Leon, yeah?
But trust me, with this trim,
the single ladies of South London
won't know what's hitting 'em.
- [LAUGHING]
- I'm telling you, bruv.
[LINE TRILLING]
[SIGHS]
Hello. You've reached Justin.
Please leave a message.
[BEEP]
Hey.
Can we talk?
Um, last night
Look, it's all It's all totally cool.
I just think that maybe
we should, you know,
talk about it.
[EXHALES]
Oh, and did you tell
my parents I'm homeless?
Anyway, can you just
Just call me back.
Please.
[CMAT'S "I DON'T REALLY CARE FOR YOU"]
♪
[PHONE RINGING]
Choking back a Breezer on the patio ♪
Within earshot of that guy we knew ♪
Oh, the Marian Keyes of it all ♪
Babe, you rewriting everything I do ♪
[PHONE CHIMES]
Hey, Tiffy. Doing a voice note 'cause
Uh, yeah.
Uh, yes, I called your parents
because I'm Well,
I'm worried about you.
Maybe you should
think about moving
back in there for a bit.
Look, I I'll call you in the week.
Uh, a big presentation tomorrow
We're designing a new
rainbow flag for Pride.
It's pretty cool.
I mean, how empowering is that?
- [LINE TRILLING]
- I'd have saved you ♪
Burning up inside an old grey tavern ♪
Hello. You've reached Justin.
Please leave a message.
[BEEP]
I'd have saved you, but you said ♪
That I don't really care for you ♪
Leon?
Did you spend the night here?
- No?
- You know that's against the rules.
Yeah, which is why I didn't.
You could get suspended
Struck off, even.
You might never work in
palliative care again.
Thanks, Al.
Are you homeless?
No, it's just,
Tiffany has the flat weekends, and
Kay and I broke up.
Oh.
Sorry.
Next time, crash at my place.
I have a camp bed and a sleeping bag.
And my room doesn't have any windows,
so it's perfect for night shifts.
I mean it.
I appreciate it.
I'm sorry, Tiffany, but you're fired.
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHS] I'm joking.
Thanks to your fucked-up
flatshare getting a shitload
of clicks, you and
Bother have been nominated
for Breakthrough Digital
Talent of the Year.
Rach, check this out. Look.
- Oh, my God.
- Huh?
Yeah, congratulations.
Well, come on, group hug.
[LAUGHS] Actually, no.
Um, inappropriate. Step back, please.
- Step back.
- [SIGHS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Tiffany, come on.
This is great news for you and Bother.
Right, yeah. I mean,
I've been kicked out my flatshare,
but at least I've been
nominated for a Nommy Award.
Oh, my God, congrats.
[SIGHS]
Is this about cultural appropriation?
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
♪
[SIGHS]
I'll be gone by the end of the week.
Notice accepted.
Please find bill breakdown below.
You owe me £168.46 for gas,
electricity, and council tax.
PS, you can keep the coffee machine.
Sell it, if you like.
PS, I don't drink coffee.
♪
Yeah 3:00 p.m.?
Great, yes.
And it's Colindale?
Between Colindale and Edgware?
Hey, you.
Hey.
Thanks.
Nice haircut.
Uh, I needed it.
That for me?
Yeah.
Anyway, I just finished work, so
Oh, no. Yeah, of course.
- Gonna
- Yeah.
Get some sleep.
Look, about the other night
Let's not go back over it.
I'm gonna miss you.
Yeah.
A lot.
Gonna miss you, too.
I really thought we were it.
You know, maybe, uh
once we've had some time
Oh, please don't say "let's be friends."
Bye, Leon.
[TRAFFIC NOISE]
Here we are.
[DRILL BUZZING, BABY CRYING]
[DOOR SLAMS]
As you can see, fully furnished.
- Mm.
- Comes with all the appliances.
It's a good price for the area.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I
really like the price.
Yeah. And only 18
stops to Central London.
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Is that a shower in the kitchen?
- It's compact.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, you know, there is quite
a lot of interest in this one.
- Right, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm gonna think about it.
Yeah.
[PHONE RINGING]
An inmate from Her
Majesty's Prison Handsworth
is trying to contact you.
Press 1.
[BEEP]
Richie, thank God. I'm so sorry.
Look, I I know how it looks.
But I I did not write
that headline, okay?
- Tiffany
- I wanted to draw attention
to the injustice. I
wanted to give you
- It's cool.
- Some
- What?
- I got your emails.
I know what happened.
It's kind of funny, to be honest.
[CHUCKLES]
So you're not pissed off?
Look, all due respect, it's not like
you writing an article's gonna
get me out of prison, so
Leon came out of it quite well, though.
He should be thanking
you for making him sound
like some kind of Adonis.
He's actually asked me to move out.
- You serious?
- Mm.
Yeah, by the end of the week.
No, no, wait. Hold on.
That's that's bullshit.
- I mean, you know, I get it.
- No.
He's doing that stupid Leon thing
where he starts hiding from everyone.
Look, when you see him, yeah, you
Uh, I'm not gonna see him.
Well, you need to see him
'cause he hasn't booked a visit,
and he won't answer the phone to me.
I even tried his mobile.
I can write him a Post-it.
Yous two and these stupid Post-its.
What's the message?
The message is he needs to step up.
Yeah, be a man, stop wallowing.
I mean, I think defining
masculinity in that way is,
- you know, problematic.
- And the Post-its are not gonna cut it.
Well, then, what do you want me to do?
Come in.
Hey, Holly.
Want to play Scrabble?
Too busy for Scrabble.
I've been working on my list
of potential Johnny Whites.
- Right.
- I showed Mr. Prior
the short list, and
now he's freaking out
and saying he doesn't want to find him.
Well, then, maybe you should leave it.
Maybe he's unsure about
[RADIO PLAYING SOFTLY]
Did Mr. Prior give you this letter?
Holly, it's not okay to take
people's personal belongings.
But they're meant to be together.
Don't be so naive.
You need to give this back
Immediately.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
♪
Hi. Um, my name is Tiffany.
I'm here to see my,
uh To see someone.
- Surname?
- It's Leon Campbell?
- I'm his flatmate.
- Sorry,
but unless you're here
to see a patient, then
It's okay, Janice.
She's here to see me.
Tiffany and I are good friends.
Mm. All right, young lady.
But don't stay up too late.
- How did you
- Leon talks about you all the time.
[HUFFS]
I'm Holly.
Tiffany.
Come with me. I'll show
you where to find Leon.
Can you
Between you and me, he's
being a bit of a dick tonight.
[CHUCKLES]
[GROANING]
Is that booze?
The police bring confiscated alcohol
to help the grown-ups
get their appetites up.
That's Mr. Prior.
I'm looking for his
long-lost love, Johnny White.
Did you know, 50 years ago,
you weren't allowed to be gay?
Yeah.
How are you gonna find him?
Well, in his last letter,
Johnny said he was moving to Brighton.
- Mm-hmm.
- But I've searched "Johnny White Brighton,"
and I keep hitting dead ends.
Have you tried the electoral roll?
- What's that?
- Eh, it's a very long list.
I tell you what.
I'll let you use my login details
if you find Leon for me.
Deal.
Leon never said you were
pretty and clever.
Did he say I was one of those?
No, sorry.
He didn't say you were either.
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Okay.
Stanley, yes.
Time for a few checks.
But I've already had my checks tonight.
If you could just roll onto your side
He should be this way.
Everyone said Leon could
never tolerate a flatmate.
But he's much happier and
smilier since you moved in.
Hm.
Holly, are you sure you
know where you're going?
Leon?
Leon!
[DOOR SHUTS]
I think I should probably
go. But thanks for helping me.
Can I still get your login details?
Of course.
There you are.
Aren't you tired, all
this gallivanting around?
I just came here to give you this.
Dear Leon, Richie says,
stop hiding from everyone.
PS, I really am sorry.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
[CHUCKLES]
[TENDER MUSIC]
♪
[SNIFFLES]
[PRISON DOOR BUZZES]
Fresh trim, yeah?
What were you thinking?
Yeah, I'm not doing too bad, as it goes.
I mean, the food could do
with a bit of pepper sauce
My flatmate and my big brother.
She wanted to tell you.
The whole world finds out before I do.
It's a little magazine.
It's hardly the whole world, bro.
"How sharing a bed with the brother
of a convicted criminal made me
question my own life choices."
She didn't write the headline.
[SIGHS]
She sent me her version
before it even came out.
It was good, you know?
She does this thing where she
set it up like I was a celeb
You really believe that?
She told me the moment it dropped.
Her boss got some
other writer to edit it.
That's convenient.
Why would she lie about that, hm?
Why do you think
everyone's out to get you?
She came to the hospice last night.
Good.
Good?
That's my place of work.
It was highly inappropriate.
[LAUGHS]
You like her, innit?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[LAUGHS] Ah.
You play too much, you know.
Actually, I can't stay long.
Going out with Asher and the boys.
Ah.
So that's why you got
the fresh trim, yeah?
[LAUGHS]
You're a proper dickhead, you know that?
Richie
I've got to be honest.
And this isn't me giving up.
I would never do that.
But I don't think I
can get you out, bro.
Hey, look at me.
Look at me, melonhead.
I know.
I've known for a while, but
[SIGHS]
Listen.
I'm a big boy.
Yeah? I'll be okay.
[SNIFFLES]
[TRAIN RUMBLING, SIREN WAILING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[GASPS]
Hm.
- Hey, Justin. [CLEARS THROAT]
- Tiffy.
- Yeah, look.
- I sent you a message.
I got your voice note. Um
Great. Did you
I really need to talk to you.
Yeah, absolutely. Of course.
You're right. I want us to talk.
How about dinner tonight?
Tonight?
[MUFFLED YELLING]
[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]
Yo! Leon!
- Ah.
- [LAUGHS]
Hey.
Good to see you, man.
- Yes, brother.
- What's up?
Looking fresh, like
a Black Justin Bieber.
Where'd you get that
T-shirt from, Baby Gap?
- Shut up.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Ah, good to see you, man.
- You, too, man.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
What is the name?
Um, Justin?
- Follow me.
- Okay.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
He's waiting for you in here.
Thank you.
Do you like it?
Uh, yes.
I didn't realize you'd
hired a private dining room.
Oh.
Remember Sardinia?
It's, like, the only holiday I've
been on in the last five years.
Uh, Vermentino from that
little vineyard we went to.
Ah, yes, the wine tasting.
The wine tasting.
I didn't realize you
were meant to spit it out.
And I had to carry you back to the car.
[GIGGLES]
[GROANS]
Cheers.
Mm.
The nose is really
mirrored in the palette,
wouldn't you say?
Yep.
Oh.
God, I love how unpretentious you are.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Why were you ignoring my calls?
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]
You ordered it.
[LAUGHTER]
Three, two, one.
Whoo.
What are you doing?
What?
Go talk to her, man.
What do I say?
Oh, shit. [SNICKERS]
You're laughing.
I'd forgot how bad you are at this.
Nah, it's just been a while since
Oh, a while?
When have you ever asked a girl out?
There was No, there was that
There be no time.
Yeah, the time is now.
Whoa, hold up. Hold up.
You're gonna wingman me, yeah?
We got this, bro.
Our house-made bread.
Thank you.
Mm.
That's lovely.
Have you been avoiding me?
I said I needed to think.
I know.
And I know I said it was cool,
but maybe it's not cool.
Like, maybe I'm not
the cool girl after all.
- You know, maybe I
- I ended it with Ariella.
I made a mistake.
I can see that now.
I realize it.
- Yeah.
- And all of this is to say that I am sorry
and to ask for you to take me back.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[CLUB MUSIC PLAYING]
What's your name?
Leon.
Is this okay, Leon?
Yeah.
So?
Can I call you my girlfriend again?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
No.
I mean, uh, I don't I don't know.
[WHISPERS] Oh, you don't know.
I'm getting very mixed
signals here, Tiffy.
Look, this is all gorgeous,
um, and so are you,
but I think
I think I need time.
Time?
Yes.
Okay, how much
[LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY] Time?
A few weeks?
Just a couple of weeks just to
You know, just to sort my life out.
Yes, but Tiffy, I can help you sort it.
[LAUGHS] Come on, you can move back in.
We can do couples therapy.
Do you still want to do couples therapy?
Spaghetti with bottarga.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING]
[CLUB MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]
- Do you want to get out of here?
- Yeah.
Shall we get an Uber?
Uh, we can get a bus.
Ugh, you're one of those.
[LAUGHS]
Yes, bro!
So all of this, it means nothing to you?
I-I'm I'm sorry.
You, me, the Vermentino.
I mean, a nice white wine's
not gonna change my mind, Justin.
You can be a real bitch
sometimes, you know that?
I I
I'm sorry.
I'm I'm just hurting.
I'm sorry.
I should go.
[EXHALES]
Can I contribute?
[SCOFFS]
[SCOFFS]
Okay.
[INDISTINCT YELLING]
Hey, uh, so you want a drink?
I have, um
Californian rosé?
Thanks.
Are you moving out?
Uh, no.
Actually, she was my
Ohh. Right.
I thought her stuff
would've been gone by now.
[SIREN WAILS DISTANTLY]
Are you gonna show me the bedroom, then?
Uh, sorry.
Are you not feeling this?
I just, um
Made me get a night bus.
I didn't make you.
Uh, just to be clear,
I want sex and nothing else.
Wait.
I don't want to have sex with you.
Literally no one has ever
said that to me before.
- Obviously, it's not you
- Fuck off.
You're clearly not over your ex.
Shall I get you an Uber?
[SCOFFS]
[DREAMY MUSIC]
[DOOR SLAMS]
♪
[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
♪
What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
- It's Friday.
You gave your notice. You
said you were moving out.
I said I'd be out by
the end of the week.
Friday is the end of the week.
No, it's the end of the working week,
not the Roman week.
Well, I'm not Roman.
Anyway, I thought you stayed
at Kay's at the weekends.
Oh, right.
Are you are you two
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'll go.
Wait, no. I'll go.
And what if you end up dead?
What if you end up dead?
[SCOFFS]
All right. I guess we move
this shit off the sofa.
Or [CLEARS THROAT]
Um, I mean,
this might be the worst
idea in the world
but, um
[GROANS]
Everything okay?
Yeah.
No. Sorry, it's just
It's your foot.
Oh.
Sorry.
Maybe we could just
sleep on our own sides.
Yeah.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
That okay?
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Good night.
Good night.
- Listen
- Look
I'm not very good at apologizing,
and to be honest, I'm sick of it
but I'm sorry.
I should have told
you about the article.
I know you tried.
What?
I went to see Richie.
And maybe I was a bit too
quick to judge.
But I know you tried to do a good thing.
[TENDER MUSIC]
♪
Anyway
it's nice to meet you.
Likewise.
Clothed.
[SOFT LAUGHTER]
Leon.
[BARELY AUDIBLE] Oh.
What's wrong?
Whose are they?
I don't know. Aren't they yours?
Uh, no.
I don't have any red boxer shorts.
Then, um
[CLEARS THROAT]
They must be Justin's.
I didn't realize you two were
Eh, well, it was Valentine's Day,
and I was on my own
You don't have to explain.
I suppose it was never gonna work,
the bedshare.
Right
Do you know where you're gonna live?
No.
Look
if you want to stay a bit longer,
till you find somewhere
Thanks.
But now Richie's appeal
is over, I guess
I don't need to do this anymore,
for the money.
"When I moved into a new flatshare,
the last thing I expected
was to pick up the house phone
to a convicted criminal.
I was hungover and
feeling sorry for myself.
He was upbeat, despite
just having received
the news that his
appeal had been denied.
During our brief conversation,
I went from judging him
to questioning myself."
- It's actually really good.
- Yeah.
"Puked over his new white trainers."
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Hold on a sec.
[OLIVIA DEAN'S "THE HARDEST PART"]
Look at that.
♪
Call me up to meet you ♪
Static on the phone ♪
Normally, I need you ♪
This time, I don't want to go ♪
Lately, I've been growing ♪
Into someone you don't know ♪
You had the chance to love her ♪
But apparently you don't ♪
No, you don't ♪
So even if I could ♪
Wouldn't go back where we started ♪
I know you're still waiting ♪
Wondering where my heart is ♪
Pray that things won't change ♪
But the hard part is ♪
You're realizing maybe I ♪
Maybe I ain't the same ♪
And what you're waiting for
ain't there no more anyway ♪
Held you up so highly ♪
Deep under your spell ♪
Your opinions would define me ♪
This time I made some for myself ♪
'Cause lately, I been certain ♪
There's no further to go ♪
Yeah, you had the chance to love me ♪
But apparently you won't ♪
And what you're waiting for
ain't there no more anyway ♪
Fuck, I fancy my flatmate.
And we're gonna find
the Johnny White
and reunite him with Mr. Prior.
Nice article.
Don't think the flatshare is gonna work.
Leon's practically asked me to move out.
I don't think you understand.
This article could ruin
everything Richie has going.
Which is what?
I can't do this anymore.
I edited your article.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Justin, how did you know where I live?
I never gave you my address.
[AARON TAYLOR'S "LESSON LEARNT"]
♪
Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey ♪
♪
Would've thought that I'd
have learnt this all by now ♪
It seems that I'm here
again some way, somehow ♪
I guess it's a lesson learnt ♪
If you play with fire
then baby you will burn ♪
I guess it's a lesson learnt ♪
If you play with fire
then you'll probably burn ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING, DOG BARKING]
[GROANS SOFTLY]
[STEAMER HISSING]
[GIGGLES]
You were doing it wrong.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Good morning.
Morning.
- Are we gonna talk about it?
- Talk about what?
Your powers of seduction?
Are you and Ariella
Look [SIGHS]
Tiffy, last night was amazing.
But, look, I need to have a think.
Oh, and, um
And you need to find
yourself a new flatmate.
[DOOR SHUTS]
Nice article.
Don't think the flatshare
is going to work.
[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]
♪
[CUTLERY CLINKING, PAN SIZZLING]
Wow. What a spread.
[CHUCKLES]
Come here. Let me look at you.
It's been a while.
Mm-mmm.
What?
You've not been looking
after yourself, that's what.
You need to fix your hair.
Looks like a grizzly bear ate
you whole and stole your face.
And a good morning to you, too, Mum.
Are you feeding yourself properly, hm?
'Cause you can't live on cornflakes.
I broke up with Kay.
- Um you want to talk about it?
- No.
I thought she was it. You know?
Like, marriage and kids.
Did you want marriage and kids with her?
I don't know. I just assumed.
Well, they're both a pain
in the butt, let me tell you.
Actually, the thing that broke it
Mm. Someone else, yeah?
What? No.
No one else.
She never believed Richie was innocent.
She thought I was wasting my time.
Wow.
Sounds like your flatmate
thought otherwise.
- You read the article?
- Mm.
She's a good little writer, isn't she?
[SCOFFS]
Are you serious, Mum?
I told her to move out.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
[WHISPERS] Okay.
♪
Mmm.
[SIGHS]
♪
Single room in Watford, no windows.
- Ugh.
- Charming box room
Would suit someone 5'3" or under.
Fun-loving single girls only.
Converted crypt in Croydon.
Bills don't include gas or Netflix.
17-minute walk from High Barnet.
- Deposit is £1,970.
- Must like cats
- Lots of cats.
- Small double in Cockfosters.
Subletting my room while I find myself
- in Bali.
- My houseshare, no doors.
Looking for a chilled housemate
- Homey home
- Who's up for cooking,
watching movies, and
the occasional orgy.
Share my bunk bed for £350 a month.
Looking for a housemate who can also
look after my baby.
[HUFFS]
I'll be gone by the end of the week.
PS, you can keep the coffee machine.
Sell it, if you like.
"My fucked-up flatshare."
Language, Leon.
Ain't my language, it's her headline.
She never even asked.
Well, that's journalists for you.
It isn't her story to tell.
And him, going behind my back
Look, Leon, I know you're angry, yeah,
but what you got
Oh, here comes trouble.
- Leon.
- Hey.
Right on time, bro.
Cómo estás, amigo?
What? Ow.
Wha what's this?
You're beating me up now.
- All right, can we
- Está bien?
Can we sit down now, please?
- Good to see you.
- Can we get started?
All right, Leon.
All right, Frank.
This is nice, isn't it?
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Thanks.
Hello. I'm calling about
the flat to let in Dagenham.
Hi, I'm calling about the
flat to let in Edmonton.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Sorry.
Uh, one one sec.
Hello?
Hello, darling.
- Could you
- What are you doing here?
[DISTANT SIRENS WAIL]
I mean, darling, why didn't you tell us?
Tell you what?
Well, the flat.
I mean, it's just dreadful.
It's actually a pretty good flat.
I need to sit down.
You should see some of the other places.
Really, Tiffy, we would have helped you.
You didn't have to
move in with a criminal.
What are you talking about?
Leon isn't a criminal.
I mean, he works in a
hospice. He helps people.
It's actually the
opposite of a criminal.
Why would you leave Justin for this?
Justin broke up with me.
That article you wrote
was very disturbing.
Could I have a glass of water, please?
You never actually
normally read my articles.
I'm feeling a bit crummy.
Get your mother a glass of water.
[GROANS]
[FAUCET RUNNING]
Right, well
[CLEARS THROAT] Thanks,
Dad, Mum, but there's really
no need to worry about me
because as you can tell, I'm moving out.
Yes. Justin told us.
We're here to take you home.
You spoke to him? When?
We've made up the futon in the study.
I'm an adult, and I
make my own decisions.
And I don't want to go back to Surrey.
Darling, you're homeless.
- No, I'm not.
- If you think my daughter
is moving in with another
stranger off the Internet
I found a place. It's all sorted.
I'm moving in with
Maia and Mo.
- Ooh.
- Can we come live with you?
- Listen.
- My place is a bit small, Archie.
La comida en España es
mejor que la de Mamá?
[LAUGHS]
I told you, Finn, I don't speak Spanish.
Then how do you understand anyone?
Um, I think the boys are
getting a bit confused.
Mm.
I'll go load the dishwasher.
[DEVICE SPEAKS SPANISH]
All mod cons now, innit?
Because Richie lives in Spain
But Richie doesn't live in
They thought you were there, too.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
[HUFFS]
Okay.
[DEVICE SPEAKS SPANISH]
Yeah, Richie lives in Spain.
And sometimes, I go to visit him.
Is he all on his own?
Yeah, sort of.
But he won't be in Spain forever.
I'm trying to get him out Back.
I'm trying to get him back home.
I want to go to Spain.
- No, you don't.
- Mm-mm, no way. Mm-mm.
I I'm sorry about the Spain thing.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] But they're kids.
I shouldn't have come.
Well, what am I supposed to tell them?
If you believed Richie,
you wouldn't lie about him.
All right, let me
stop you right there
Or maybe you want to keep
things the way they are.
Hm? Nice house,
nice garden, nice dishwasher.
- What's gotten into you?
- That's the reason
you wouldn't pay bail last year.
It's not because you couldn't afford it.
It's because you didn't
want him coming back
from "Spain" and ruining
your nice little life.
Bail would have bought
us a couple of weeks.
And if I'd had to pay the surety,
we would have lost the house.
I've got to do what's best
for everyone, not just Richie.
I know things were different
for you and your brother.
Yeah, we struggled.
Your dad wasn't well
[HUFFING] Ooh.
I don't want to talk about that.
Yeah, well, maybe we should.
It's too late, Mum.
Where you gonna go?
There's no space for me here.
[DOOR SHUTS]
It's like musical houses with
your generation, isn't it?
If only I could buy somewhere.
When we lived in Earl's
Court in the '70s
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, thanks for the lift.
We could do another run, Tiffy.
- Couldn't we, darling?
- Honestly, I'm fine.
- I have a man with a van.
- A what?
I've got it from here. Okay?
You can get back in the car now.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
[EXHALES]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Actually, now's not the best time
Ugh. They're so manipulative.
Can we do this later?
Barging into my life
I can't stand it.
Ugh. Honestly, if you ever see
me turning into my mother
Do you want some tea or something?
[AS MOTHER] Darling, you're homeless.
I think we've got rooibos
[LAUGHS] I mean And
I never ask for any money.
And they'd never give me any money.
Fucking Earl's Court in the '70s.
Fucking fuck off.
I had to tell them I was
moving in with you guys
just to get them to leave.
[EXHALES]
[LAUGHS]
What's up with you two?
- Actually
- Nothing.
Are those new pans?
[KOFFEE'S "TOAST"]
♪
Cyaa bawl inna life man ♪
Gwaan wid it, mi gwaan wid it ♪
Yo, Izy, are you kidding me? ♪
Toast, yeah, unh, yeah ♪
- [BELL RINGS]
- Say we a come in ♪
Wid a force, yeah ♪
Blessings we a reap pon ♪
- Yo, boy.
- Hey, bro.
Looking sharp.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
Yeah, we give thanks
like we need it the most ♪
We haffi give thanks ♪
Yo! Is that Leon, yeah?
Man-like Leon!
Come on, bro.
- Hey, bro.
- Good, bro.
Good to see you, man.
You're my 11 o'clock appointment, right?
- Yeah? You ready, yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, sure.
- Cool. Calm.
- Come on, man.
Nah, man, it'll just
be five minutes, man.
It's calm, it's chill. It's calm.
Yo, it's been a long time, brother.
Ugh. I know, right?
What's going on here, bro? What's this?
You been cheating on
me with another barber?
Is that it? [LAUGHTER]
Nah, I can't lie, I just
been cutting it myself.
Bruh. What, times that bad, yeah?
[LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY]
Yo, listen, I heard
about Richie and all that.
That's tough times, for real, man.
Thanks, bro.
A'ight. Let's fix you up.
So obviously, you guys are fucking.
So why don't you just say it.
- We were gonna tell you
- No, it
It's actually not your business.
It actually is my business
because you're supposed
to be my friends.
I introduced you.
I set you up as flatmates.
And you know, it turns
out I could have been
renting a bedroom off you guys
'cause you clearly don't need two.
- I mean, you you can.
- No, no, no.
How dare you barge in here
and try to tell us how to live
and where to sleep and
who we're allowed to fuck.
No. I didn't barge.
It's always about you.
You treat us like supporting characters
in the shit indie film of your life.
Is that what you really think?
You're always calling
and texting for advice.
But the minute I need
something, it's silence.
Are you serious?
You literally never
reply to my messages.
All you do is talk about Justin.
I sent you my article.
You haven't even read it.
[LAUGHS WRYLY]
Do you know what it's like
to watch your best friend
repeatedly harm themselves?
We've been here before.
You'll be back with him by next week,
and then we'll start
the whole cycle again.
Mm-mm. No.
[SCOFFS]
And you're going.
Tiff, why don't we
No, no, no, no.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Why are we a secret?
I don't have room for a relationship.
I'm not asking for a relationship.
I'm asking to be acknowledged.
[SIGHS] I love what we have.
That's it.
Things are getting hot, yeah?
- Yeah.
- And she ask me to go down south.
How you mean? Like Croydon?
Nah, he means Brixton.
[LAUGHTER]
- Dirty south.
- Whoa.
You got to trust your woman, man.
- [LAUGHTER]
- No, man. Nasty.
Look, maybe some of these old dogs
need to learn some new tricks.
- Ooh.
- Ooh. Go on, bro.
- Nah.
- No, no, no.
You know he's allowed, yeah?
Yeah, listen to this man.
He's been with his girl
for time, you understand?
Uh, actually, we broke up.
Oh.
My bad, bro. You should've said.
It is what it is.
So um
any plans this weekend?
It's Friday night with the boys, innit?
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I'll come with.
- You're for real?
- For real.
It's time to live a little.
Jeez!
That you, yeah, Leon, yeah?
But trust me, with this trim,
the single ladies of South London
won't know what's hitting 'em.
- [LAUGHING]
- I'm telling you, bruv.
[LINE TRILLING]
[SIGHS]
Hello. You've reached Justin.
Please leave a message.
[BEEP]
Hey.
Can we talk?
Um, last night
Look, it's all It's all totally cool.
I just think that maybe
we should, you know,
talk about it.
[EXHALES]
Oh, and did you tell
my parents I'm homeless?
Anyway, can you just
Just call me back.
Please.
[CMAT'S "I DON'T REALLY CARE FOR YOU"]
♪
[PHONE RINGING]
Choking back a Breezer on the patio ♪
Within earshot of that guy we knew ♪
Oh, the Marian Keyes of it all ♪
Babe, you rewriting everything I do ♪
[PHONE CHIMES]
Hey, Tiffy. Doing a voice note 'cause
Uh, yeah.
Uh, yes, I called your parents
because I'm Well,
I'm worried about you.
Maybe you should
think about moving
back in there for a bit.
Look, I I'll call you in the week.
Uh, a big presentation tomorrow
We're designing a new
rainbow flag for Pride.
It's pretty cool.
I mean, how empowering is that?
- [LINE TRILLING]
- I'd have saved you ♪
Burning up inside an old grey tavern ♪
Hello. You've reached Justin.
Please leave a message.
[BEEP]
I'd have saved you, but you said ♪
That I don't really care for you ♪
Leon?
Did you spend the night here?
- No?
- You know that's against the rules.
Yeah, which is why I didn't.
You could get suspended
Struck off, even.
You might never work in
palliative care again.
Thanks, Al.
Are you homeless?
No, it's just,
Tiffany has the flat weekends, and
Kay and I broke up.
Oh.
Sorry.
Next time, crash at my place.
I have a camp bed and a sleeping bag.
And my room doesn't have any windows,
so it's perfect for night shifts.
I mean it.
I appreciate it.
I'm sorry, Tiffany, but you're fired.
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHS] I'm joking.
Thanks to your fucked-up
flatshare getting a shitload
of clicks, you and
Bother have been nominated
for Breakthrough Digital
Talent of the Year.
Rach, check this out. Look.
- Oh, my God.
- Huh?
Yeah, congratulations.
Well, come on, group hug.
[LAUGHS] Actually, no.
Um, inappropriate. Step back, please.
- Step back.
- [SIGHS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Tiffany, come on.
This is great news for you and Bother.
Right, yeah. I mean,
I've been kicked out my flatshare,
but at least I've been
nominated for a Nommy Award.
Oh, my God, congrats.
[SIGHS]
Is this about cultural appropriation?
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
♪
[SIGHS]
I'll be gone by the end of the week.
Notice accepted.
Please find bill breakdown below.
You owe me £168.46 for gas,
electricity, and council tax.
PS, you can keep the coffee machine.
Sell it, if you like.
PS, I don't drink coffee.
♪
Yeah 3:00 p.m.?
Great, yes.
And it's Colindale?
Between Colindale and Edgware?
Hey, you.
Hey.
Thanks.
Nice haircut.
Uh, I needed it.
That for me?
Yeah.
Anyway, I just finished work, so
Oh, no. Yeah, of course.
- Gonna
- Yeah.
Get some sleep.
Look, about the other night
Let's not go back over it.
I'm gonna miss you.
Yeah.
A lot.
Gonna miss you, too.
I really thought we were it.
You know, maybe, uh
once we've had some time
Oh, please don't say "let's be friends."
Bye, Leon.
[TRAFFIC NOISE]
Here we are.
[DRILL BUZZING, BABY CRYING]
[DOOR SLAMS]
As you can see, fully furnished.
- Mm.
- Comes with all the appliances.
It's a good price for the area.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I
really like the price.
Yeah. And only 18
stops to Central London.
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Is that a shower in the kitchen?
- It's compact.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, you know, there is quite
a lot of interest in this one.
- Right, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm gonna think about it.
Yeah.
[PHONE RINGING]
An inmate from Her
Majesty's Prison Handsworth
is trying to contact you.
Press 1.
[BEEP]
Richie, thank God. I'm so sorry.
Look, I I know how it looks.
But I I did not write
that headline, okay?
- Tiffany
- I wanted to draw attention
to the injustice. I
wanted to give you
- It's cool.
- Some
- What?
- I got your emails.
I know what happened.
It's kind of funny, to be honest.
[CHUCKLES]
So you're not pissed off?
Look, all due respect, it's not like
you writing an article's gonna
get me out of prison, so
Leon came out of it quite well, though.
He should be thanking
you for making him sound
like some kind of Adonis.
He's actually asked me to move out.
- You serious?
- Mm.
Yeah, by the end of the week.
No, no, wait. Hold on.
That's that's bullshit.
- I mean, you know, I get it.
- No.
He's doing that stupid Leon thing
where he starts hiding from everyone.
Look, when you see him, yeah, you
Uh, I'm not gonna see him.
Well, you need to see him
'cause he hasn't booked a visit,
and he won't answer the phone to me.
I even tried his mobile.
I can write him a Post-it.
Yous two and these stupid Post-its.
What's the message?
The message is he needs to step up.
Yeah, be a man, stop wallowing.
I mean, I think defining
masculinity in that way is,
- you know, problematic.
- And the Post-its are not gonna cut it.
Well, then, what do you want me to do?
Come in.
Hey, Holly.
Want to play Scrabble?
Too busy for Scrabble.
I've been working on my list
of potential Johnny Whites.
- Right.
- I showed Mr. Prior
the short list, and
now he's freaking out
and saying he doesn't want to find him.
Well, then, maybe you should leave it.
Maybe he's unsure about
[RADIO PLAYING SOFTLY]
Did Mr. Prior give you this letter?
Holly, it's not okay to take
people's personal belongings.
But they're meant to be together.
Don't be so naive.
You need to give this back
Immediately.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
♪
Hi. Um, my name is Tiffany.
I'm here to see my,
uh To see someone.
- Surname?
- It's Leon Campbell?
- I'm his flatmate.
- Sorry,
but unless you're here
to see a patient, then
It's okay, Janice.
She's here to see me.
Tiffany and I are good friends.
Mm. All right, young lady.
But don't stay up too late.
- How did you
- Leon talks about you all the time.
[HUFFS]
I'm Holly.
Tiffany.
Come with me. I'll show
you where to find Leon.
Can you
Between you and me, he's
being a bit of a dick tonight.
[CHUCKLES]
[GROANING]
Is that booze?
The police bring confiscated alcohol
to help the grown-ups
get their appetites up.
That's Mr. Prior.
I'm looking for his
long-lost love, Johnny White.
Did you know, 50 years ago,
you weren't allowed to be gay?
Yeah.
How are you gonna find him?
Well, in his last letter,
Johnny said he was moving to Brighton.
- Mm-hmm.
- But I've searched "Johnny White Brighton,"
and I keep hitting dead ends.
Have you tried the electoral roll?
- What's that?
- Eh, it's a very long list.
I tell you what.
I'll let you use my login details
if you find Leon for me.
Deal.
Leon never said you were
pretty and clever.
Did he say I was one of those?
No, sorry.
He didn't say you were either.
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Okay.
Stanley, yes.
Time for a few checks.
But I've already had my checks tonight.
If you could just roll onto your side
He should be this way.
Everyone said Leon could
never tolerate a flatmate.
But he's much happier and
smilier since you moved in.
Hm.
Holly, are you sure you
know where you're going?
Leon?
Leon!
[DOOR SHUTS]
I think I should probably
go. But thanks for helping me.
Can I still get your login details?
Of course.
There you are.
Aren't you tired, all
this gallivanting around?
I just came here to give you this.
Dear Leon, Richie says,
stop hiding from everyone.
PS, I really am sorry.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
[CHUCKLES]
[TENDER MUSIC]
♪
[SNIFFLES]
[PRISON DOOR BUZZES]
Fresh trim, yeah?
What were you thinking?
Yeah, I'm not doing too bad, as it goes.
I mean, the food could do
with a bit of pepper sauce
My flatmate and my big brother.
She wanted to tell you.
The whole world finds out before I do.
It's a little magazine.
It's hardly the whole world, bro.
"How sharing a bed with the brother
of a convicted criminal made me
question my own life choices."
She didn't write the headline.
[SIGHS]
She sent me her version
before it even came out.
It was good, you know?
She does this thing where she
set it up like I was a celeb
You really believe that?
She told me the moment it dropped.
Her boss got some
other writer to edit it.
That's convenient.
Why would she lie about that, hm?
Why do you think
everyone's out to get you?
She came to the hospice last night.
Good.
Good?
That's my place of work.
It was highly inappropriate.
[LAUGHS]
You like her, innit?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[LAUGHS] Ah.
You play too much, you know.
Actually, I can't stay long.
Going out with Asher and the boys.
Ah.
So that's why you got
the fresh trim, yeah?
[LAUGHS]
You're a proper dickhead, you know that?
Richie
I've got to be honest.
And this isn't me giving up.
I would never do that.
But I don't think I
can get you out, bro.
Hey, look at me.
Look at me, melonhead.
I know.
I've known for a while, but
[SIGHS]
Listen.
I'm a big boy.
Yeah? I'll be okay.
[SNIFFLES]
[TRAIN RUMBLING, SIREN WAILING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[GASPS]
Hm.
- Hey, Justin. [CLEARS THROAT]
- Tiffy.
- Yeah, look.
- I sent you a message.
I got your voice note. Um
Great. Did you
I really need to talk to you.
Yeah, absolutely. Of course.
You're right. I want us to talk.
How about dinner tonight?
Tonight?
[MUFFLED YELLING]
[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]
Yo! Leon!
- Ah.
- [LAUGHS]
Hey.
Good to see you, man.
- Yes, brother.
- What's up?
Looking fresh, like
a Black Justin Bieber.
Where'd you get that
T-shirt from, Baby Gap?
- Shut up.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Ah, good to see you, man.
- You, too, man.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
What is the name?
Um, Justin?
- Follow me.
- Okay.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
He's waiting for you in here.
Thank you.
Do you like it?
Uh, yes.
I didn't realize you'd
hired a private dining room.
Oh.
Remember Sardinia?
It's, like, the only holiday I've
been on in the last five years.
Uh, Vermentino from that
little vineyard we went to.
Ah, yes, the wine tasting.
The wine tasting.
I didn't realize you
were meant to spit it out.
And I had to carry you back to the car.
[GIGGLES]
[GROANS]
Cheers.
Mm.
The nose is really
mirrored in the palette,
wouldn't you say?
Yep.
Oh.
God, I love how unpretentious you are.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Why were you ignoring my calls?
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]
You ordered it.
[LAUGHTER]
Three, two, one.
Whoo.
What are you doing?
What?
Go talk to her, man.
What do I say?
Oh, shit. [SNICKERS]
You're laughing.
I'd forgot how bad you are at this.
Nah, it's just been a while since
Oh, a while?
When have you ever asked a girl out?
There was No, there was that
There be no time.
Yeah, the time is now.
Whoa, hold up. Hold up.
You're gonna wingman me, yeah?
We got this, bro.
Our house-made bread.
Thank you.
Mm.
That's lovely.
Have you been avoiding me?
I said I needed to think.
I know.
And I know I said it was cool,
but maybe it's not cool.
Like, maybe I'm not
the cool girl after all.
- You know, maybe I
- I ended it with Ariella.
I made a mistake.
I can see that now.
I realize it.
- Yeah.
- And all of this is to say that I am sorry
and to ask for you to take me back.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[CLUB MUSIC PLAYING]
What's your name?
Leon.
Is this okay, Leon?
Yeah.
So?
Can I call you my girlfriend again?
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
No.
I mean, uh, I don't I don't know.
[WHISPERS] Oh, you don't know.
I'm getting very mixed
signals here, Tiffy.
Look, this is all gorgeous,
um, and so are you,
but I think
I think I need time.
Time?
Yes.
Okay, how much
[LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY] Time?
A few weeks?
Just a couple of weeks just to
You know, just to sort my life out.
Yes, but Tiffy, I can help you sort it.
[LAUGHS] Come on, you can move back in.
We can do couples therapy.
Do you still want to do couples therapy?
Spaghetti with bottarga.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING]
[CLUB MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]
- Do you want to get out of here?
- Yeah.
Shall we get an Uber?
Uh, we can get a bus.
Ugh, you're one of those.
[LAUGHS]
Yes, bro!
So all of this, it means nothing to you?
I-I'm I'm sorry.
You, me, the Vermentino.
I mean, a nice white wine's
not gonna change my mind, Justin.
You can be a real bitch
sometimes, you know that?
I I
I'm sorry.
I'm I'm just hurting.
I'm sorry.
I should go.
[EXHALES]
Can I contribute?
[SCOFFS]
[SCOFFS]
Okay.
[INDISTINCT YELLING]
Hey, uh, so you want a drink?
I have, um
Californian rosé?
Thanks.
Are you moving out?
Uh, no.
Actually, she was my
Ohh. Right.
I thought her stuff
would've been gone by now.
[SIREN WAILS DISTANTLY]
Are you gonna show me the bedroom, then?
Uh, sorry.
Are you not feeling this?
I just, um
Made me get a night bus.
I didn't make you.
Uh, just to be clear,
I want sex and nothing else.
Wait.
I don't want to have sex with you.
Literally no one has ever
said that to me before.
- Obviously, it's not you
- Fuck off.
You're clearly not over your ex.
Shall I get you an Uber?
[SCOFFS]
[DREAMY MUSIC]
[DOOR SLAMS]
♪
[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
♪
What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
- It's Friday.
You gave your notice. You
said you were moving out.
I said I'd be out by
the end of the week.
Friday is the end of the week.
No, it's the end of the working week,
not the Roman week.
Well, I'm not Roman.
Anyway, I thought you stayed
at Kay's at the weekends.
Oh, right.
Are you are you two
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'll go.
Wait, no. I'll go.
And what if you end up dead?
What if you end up dead?
[SCOFFS]
All right. I guess we move
this shit off the sofa.
Or [CLEARS THROAT]
Um, I mean,
this might be the worst
idea in the world
but, um
[GROANS]
Everything okay?
Yeah.
No. Sorry, it's just
It's your foot.
Oh.
Sorry.
Maybe we could just
sleep on our own sides.
Yeah.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
That okay?
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Good night.
Good night.
- Listen
- Look
I'm not very good at apologizing,
and to be honest, I'm sick of it
but I'm sorry.
I should have told
you about the article.
I know you tried.
What?
I went to see Richie.
And maybe I was a bit too
quick to judge.
But I know you tried to do a good thing.
[TENDER MUSIC]
♪
Anyway
it's nice to meet you.
Likewise.
Clothed.
[SOFT LAUGHTER]
Leon.
[BARELY AUDIBLE] Oh.
What's wrong?
Whose are they?
I don't know. Aren't they yours?
Uh, no.
I don't have any red boxer shorts.
Then, um
[CLEARS THROAT]
They must be Justin's.
I didn't realize you two were
Eh, well, it was Valentine's Day,
and I was on my own
You don't have to explain.
I suppose it was never gonna work,
the bedshare.
Right
Do you know where you're gonna live?
No.
Look
if you want to stay a bit longer,
till you find somewhere
Thanks.
But now Richie's appeal
is over, I guess
I don't need to do this anymore,
for the money.
"When I moved into a new flatshare,
the last thing I expected
was to pick up the house phone
to a convicted criminal.
I was hungover and
feeling sorry for myself.
He was upbeat, despite
just having received
the news that his
appeal had been denied.
During our brief conversation,
I went from judging him
to questioning myself."
- It's actually really good.
- Yeah.
"Puked over his new white trainers."
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Hold on a sec.
[OLIVIA DEAN'S "THE HARDEST PART"]
Look at that.
♪
Call me up to meet you ♪
Static on the phone ♪
Normally, I need you ♪
This time, I don't want to go ♪
Lately, I've been growing ♪
Into someone you don't know ♪
You had the chance to love her ♪
But apparently you don't ♪
No, you don't ♪
So even if I could ♪
Wouldn't go back where we started ♪
I know you're still waiting ♪
Wondering where my heart is ♪
Pray that things won't change ♪
But the hard part is ♪
You're realizing maybe I ♪
Maybe I ain't the same ♪
And what you're waiting for
ain't there no more anyway ♪
Held you up so highly ♪
Deep under your spell ♪
Your opinions would define me ♪
This time I made some for myself ♪
'Cause lately, I been certain ♪
There's no further to go ♪
Yeah, you had the chance to love me ♪
But apparently you won't ♪
And what you're waiting for
ain't there no more anyway ♪