The King of the Machos (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

1
I told you this would lead to trouble.
This makes the hostel look really bad.
You see that, right?
Nothing happened here.
[phone beeping]
What?
I'm sorry, but I need to be alone.
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
I think it's best
if I drop out of the contest.
It was a terrible idea to begin with,
don't you think?
[horse blusters]
Yeah, well, you don't care
because you don't have social media.
- [horse blusters]
- What's up, Son? Where were you?
- What's up, Dad?
- What's wrong?
Uh, I need you to tell Mom
that I'm dropping out of the contest.
I think she'll be
much more relaxed that way.
Your mom will have to understand.
You're not giving up on your dreams.
When you have them,
they won't go away until you achieve them.
You're doing great.
You took the first step,
which is the hardest.
What did you think? It'd be easy?
- Of course not, but
- Tell
- Don't be a complainer like your dad.
- [chuckles]
Better yet, close your eyes.
I have a surprise for you.
Hold this. But close your eyes.
- You know I don't like surprises.
- Close them. I don't care.
- Fine.
- [Alonso groans]
[metal clinking]
You can open your eyes now.
This is for you.
No Tejeda goes out and about
without standing tall on his animal.
[chuckles] Dad.
You earned it.
I just want to make one thing clear:
I love you
and, whatever happens,
I'll always be here for you.
I know.
[Charly chuckles]
- [phone beeps]
- [Jerónimo, in English] Action!
[in Spanish] My dear residents of Tunas,
welcome to an episode of First Lady Tips.
Today, I'd like you to meet Consuelo,
who's my right-hand woman at home.
I mean, besides my husband who,
even though he has lots of things to do,
does do a thing or two.
Right, Consuelo?
Why don't we open our minds
to learning new languages
and new ways of communicating
with the help?
Consuelo is from Oaxaca,
and she speaks Oaxacan,
and she's taught me some new words.
Like, in Oaxacan, "to clean" is "rusiá"
and "to shake," "riguibi."
Watch this.
Consuelo, rusiá there.
Yes, ma'am.
[yells, laughs] Did you see that?
Well, my dear residents of Tunas,
I hope you've loved this,
and I'll see you on the next episode
of First Lady Tips.
- [Jerónimo] Perfect, eh?
- [chuckles]
Oh, hurry up. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Baby, wow, eh?
- You liked it?
- Hey, but doesn't Consu speak Zapotec?
Oh, babe, people don't understand that.
I mean, Consuelo is from Oaxaca,
so she speaks Oaxacan.
- Uh-huh.
- It's like how if you're from England,
you speak English.
If you're from Spain, you speak Spanish.
Obviously, obviously, obviously.
Hey, you know what?
We're really running late for the contest.
- No, babe, no.
- Mm-hmm.
I just don't Don't make me go.
Baby, we need to go now.
- Remember that it's the only
- No, babe.
it's the only thing you have to do
as the first lady of this shithole town.
"You're not Google, but you've got
everything I'm searching for."
- Hey!
- Nah, that won't work on the townspeople.
No, this one:
"I wish I were a cat so I could spend
seven lifetimes by your side."
[Charly chuckles]
Or this one: "I'd like to be a pillow
so you could hug me every morning."
- Dude, that one doesn't even make sense.
- [Marquito] Aw, how nice.
This one:
"When you get fined for being
too beautiful, I'll pay your bail."
- Ah! That's good.
- [Charly] No.
[Ajolote] No mercy with the pickup lines.
Bring out all the heavy artillery.
Don't be shy. Go in hard,
and straight for the target.
In this case, go in hard [kisses]
and for you know where, bro. [chuckles]
- You'll do well, okay? You got this.
- [chuckles] Damn straight.
Come on, León! [cheering]
Okay.
Okay, enough, yeah?
Why are you looking at me like that?
I'm sorry, Charly,
I've never told you this,
but you hide your boobs really well.
Very well, dear audience, we're now ready
for the traditional pickup line test.
- [laughs]
- [horn honks]
[bell chimes]
THE PICKUP LINE TES
Tunas' cream-of-the-crop beauties
will walk down the runway,
while our contestants throw out
their most killer lines.
This time, the crowd's applause
will determine who wins or loses,
according to the applause-o-meter.
SUPER MACHO
LITTLE MAN - FRUITY GIRL
- [machine beeping]
- [crowd cheering]
[mariachi band playing]
[León] Babe, some guys will treat you good
and others will treat you bad,
but open up and let me into your pad.
- [Joel] Oh, I'm sure she was flattered.
- [Miriam laughs]
Good, Son! That's how you talk to broads!
- [bell rings]
- [machine beeps]
Dear viewers, the crowd
seems to like the first pickup line.
And, to the ladies of Tunas,
would you like your guys
to speak to you that way?
Oh, baby, gimme
those two buns and a soda pop,
and my bird below will rise to the top.
- [chuckles]
- [laughs]
- Dad!
- What?
- That's so vulgar.
- Hey, that was a good one, wasn't it?
I don't understand
how you support this kind of contest.
Oh, enough, honey.
Baby girl, if I had to give you a gift,
I'd give you a mirror,
because other than the world,
I hold your reflection most dear.
- [León] You gotta be kidding.
- [spectator] What's with that bullshit?
- [crowd booing]
- [spectator 2] Get down already.
What's up with that bullshit?
- [bell rings]
- [machine beeps]
I wish I were a pirate,
not for silver or gold,
but for that treasure
you've got down below.
[crowd cheers]
[machine beeping]
[Víctor] Dear spectators, we'll now have
our last contestant for this test,
Charly Tejeda!
[crowd booing]
[León] You'll only make
a fool of yourself.
- [cheering]
- Charly, Charly!
[Ajolote] Get down already, Charlota.
All that rehearsing for this?
- The cat got his tongue.
- [crowd booing]
- [Ajolote] There goes the butch.
- [Víctor] You're wasting your time, kid.
Are you gonna say something or not, man?
Because, if not,
we'll have to disqualify you.
What's going on?
[chuckles]
[Víctor] What are you doing, Tejeda?
- [crowd booing]
- Women don't want our pickup lines.
- They want our respect.
- [crowd gasps]
- That's it!
- That's right!
I'm seducing her how it should be.
- I'm letting the woman choose
- [crowd booing]
letting her check out what she likes,
- without imposing on her.
- [Ajolote] Oh, butch, enough, enough.
[cheering]
[bell rings]
[Víctor] This is your last chance
to say your pickup line
- Charly!
- otherwise, we'll have to disquali
- [machine beeps]
- [crowd cheering]
That's my son! [chuckles]
[chuckles] Yes, yes, yes. That's huge!
Such a gentleman, huh?
I want him to marry
my granddaughter, Alonso, eh?
That That's Charly,
our friend, eh? No, dude, he won.
Here's a flower for this dumbass.
No fucking way, dude!
[speaks indistinctly] Go home!
This is an outrage.
If he doesn't want to follow
the contest rules, he can get lost.
[bell rings]
[crowd cheers on TV]
[Pepe] Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
There's so much dust.
Charly, Charly, Charly,
Charly, Charly! [cheering]
[bell chimes]
[bell ringing]
[crowd cheering continues]
[Víctor] The people have spoken,
and Charly Tejeda wins
this round. [chuckles]
What an embarrassment for the Castillos.
This is too much.
But listen up,
there's no way I'm going to let
that dyke shit on the rules
my great-grandfather wrote.
No, no, no, no, sir. We can't allow that.
Ah, we can't allow it?
But weren't you the one
who let her sign up? Right, dumbass?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
- I didn't think that that'd happen.
- "I didn't think."
Because you never think, damn it,
and then I have to fix
your dumbass mistakes.
- Listen up.
- [sighs]
I'm taking every last cent
of the attorney's fee
from your agave income.
- Do you hear me?
- [exhales]
Quintana.
We're going to need you to intervene.
Mm-hmm.
Congrats, Charly.
Yeah, you did great.
In fact, I think you deserve a prize.
A prize?
And what could that be?
Did you like it?
- [Ajolote] You can't be nervous right now.
- [León] No, but you know what?
I'm annoyed because that butch
was just gonna be a nobody.
[Ajolote] Why are you worried
about Charlota?
- [León] He's passing the tests.
- If he's not No. You're dumb.
- You can't be so dumb.
- Go away.
[Ajolote] You can't be nervous.
If you're nervous, it won't work.
[León] Okay, I'm gonna give it my all,
okay? Enough, fuck him.
[mariachi band playing]
[Maricarmen] It's Estela. Come, come.
Estela, what are you doing here?
- [Estela] Uh, ah
- Ah, you're here to cheer on Carlota.
Ah, no. No, no. Uh
I'm on my way to to the market.
Oh, come on in.
- There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
- No, no, no.
We understand.
At the end of the day,
this is about your daughter.
Maricarmen, I have to return
to the hostel,
I have new guests and no one's there
to assist them, mmm? Excuse me, eh?
By all means. [chuckles]
- [crowd cheering]
- What an incredible sight.
- Look!
- Ah, wave, wave.
[Miriam] Dear residents
of Tunas [chuckles]
we have four top-notch judges
with us today.
The strapping soap opera star,
Valentín Urdapilleta!
Bibi Belcanto, our beauty queen,
the beauty of all beauties.
And our most acclaimed singer:
Rigo Reynosa! [chuckles]
[inhales] Our first lady,
Angélica Navarro.
Ah, welcome to all of you.
Let's move on to our next test:
the ranchera serenade.
[horn honks]
Let's welcome our first contestant:
León Castillo!
THE RANCHERA SERENADE TES
[Joel] Let's hear you roar, León!
[Miriam chuckles]
Let's go, Leoncito!
Bravo, Son!
Hit it, guys.
[mariachi band plays]
Watch out, hot mamas,
your Casanova is here.
Attention, ladies, attention.
Ai-la-ra-la, ai-la-ra-la
Ai-la-ra-la, la-ra-la ♪
Ai-la-ra-la, ai-la-ra-la
Ai-la-ra-la, la-ra-la ♪
I'm a Casanova
I don't care about much ♪
When I like a woman
I like her in spite of everything ♪
I like tall women, short women ♪
Skinny women, fat women, small women ♪
Single women, widows, divorced women ♪
I love the pretty button-nosed women ♪
Ai-la-ra-la, ai-la-ra-la
Ai-la-ra-la, la-ra-la ♪
Ai-la-ra-la, ai-la-ra-la
Ai-la-ra-la, la-ra-la ♪
I'm a Casanova
I don't care about much ♪
When I like a woman
I like her in spite of everything ♪
I like tall women, short women ♪
Skinny women, fat women, small women ♪
Single women, widows, divorced women ♪
I love the pretty button-nosed women ♪
The women whose mothers aren't jealous
I love the flirty button-nosed women ♪
I'm your Casanova.
Good day and see you later.
I'm a Casanova ♪
- [music stops]
- [crowd cheers]
León, your performance was thrilling.
Congratulations, I give you five machos.
[Valentín] That was great. Congratulations.
But I do think you could've sung
with much more feeling at the end.
So, I'm giving you four machos.
[applauding]
[Angélica] León,
you melted me with your voice.
I give you five machos.
[crowd cheering]
[Rigo] Well, look, kid,
you were off-key
in the second chorus, bud.
[chuckles]
Don't think I didn't notice, eh?
But you did everything else
really well. I liked it.
- So I
- [drums on table]
give you four machos!
[crowd cheers]
[Valentín] He's the expert,
he's the expert.
[competitor, through speaker]
keeps me alive ♪
- I'm sorry for hurting you ♪
- [clears throat, vocalizing]
For betraying our pact
[off-key] of love ♪
[crowd booing]
- [music stops]
- [crowd laughing]
[music resumes]
[Miriam] And let's giddy on up
to our last contestant: Charly Tejeda!
[crowd cheering]
Let's go, Charly! Let's go, Son!
[crowd gasps, laughs]
[Miriam] And start start the
[chuckles] No.
No, no, no, no. Don't start it.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
[stammers] Uh, wait, wait, wait.
[clears throat]
One moment. One moment, please.
I've been informed that
the contestant Charly Tejeda
can no longer remain in the competition.
No, no, no, no. Wait.
What do you mean I can't participate?
Why don't you explain it
to him, Mr. Víctor?
Yes. Yes. May the residents of Tunas
and our venerable judges
pardon the inconvenience,
but Mr. Lázaro Castillo is here
with his attorney,
and they have found
a clause in the fine print
that prevents you
from continuing in the contest.
Sorry, which clause is that?
[Víctor] Let's see, it says:
"The winning contestant will have to
come out with a bare torso,
- showing his chest and biceps
- [crowd booing]
in advertising materials and articles
for publication
as required by the contest.
If the contestant refuses
to comply with the above,
the contest will have the right
to overturn his victory."
That doesn't mean anything!
Look, look.
Given that the contestant
is physiologically a woman,
if she came out with a bare torso
and showed her chest,
it would be an indecent act
against the town of San José de las Tunas.
That's true,
our town can't go down in history
for instigating perversion and lust
in our youth.
Sit down, ma'am.
[crowd] Get out, religious nuts,
- we want equality!
- This is a disgrace to the town.
[crowd] Get out, religious nuts,
we want equality!
Get out, religious nuts, we want equality!
No butches, only real men!
No butches, only real men!
[crowd chanting]
Get out, religious nuts, we want equality!
Uh, please, residents of Tunas,
- let's behave ourselves.
- [Lázaro] Since he got here,
this deformed freak has done nothing
but mock our town's traditions
and break the rules of this contest.
Now he wants to commit
an indecent, obscene, immoral act.
People, we're gonna support Charly.
Charly is a unique contestant,
and he can make history.
So now it turns out
that you're afraid of a pair of tits?
- [crowd gasping]
- [Miriam] You're not helping yourself.
This isn't a joke, folks.
- Our town's reputation depends on us.
- Time to act, Mr. Mayor.
Trending - #LONGLIVE CHARLY
#OrangeDay - #HappyTuesday
Quiet, please!
Quiet, please!
Dear residents of Tunas
because this is a polarizing matter,
I didn't want to interfere.
But there comes a time
when a man must fight for freedom.
Therefore,
I support Charly's reinstatement
in the contest.
- [crowd cheering]
- [Alonso] That's it, Son! Great! Great!
Bravo, my love!
[crowd cheers continue]
Let me remind you that you're mayor
because I supported you.
Well, I already paid you back
and then some, right, Lázaro?
Given these developments,
the honorable King of the Machos
organizing board has decided
to repeal the previous decision.
Charly Tejeda will continue
in the competition.
- No, no. No!
- No way.
No way can we let ourselves
fall to sin like this!
[Miriam] Get ready,
you're back in the competition.
- Bravo, Charly! Let's go!
- [music begins]
People say we're not equals ♪
That we're wasting our lives ♪
[crowd booing]
That I'm despicable
And you're upstanding ♪
That two different people
Can't love each other ♪
But I already loved you
And I don't forget you ♪
I dream of dying in your arms ♪
I don't understand all this
About social classes ♪
I just know you love me ♪
The way I love you ♪
[music stops]
- [upbeat music begins]
- [crowd cheers]
Ai, ai, ai!
[applause]
Let's hear it, my Charly!
We're not equals, what do we care? ♪
Our love story must continue ♪
As someone once said
Life's too short ♪
This time, I'm here for forever ♪
But I want you to know
That I'm not forcing you ♪
If you come with me, do it for love ♪
- [Marquito shouts]
- Let's go!
Say what I mean to you
With all your might ♪
So they can see that you love me
The way I love you ♪
Let's go where no one will judge us ♪
Where no one will say we're wrong ♪
Let's go far from this world ♪
Where there's no justice
No laws, nothing ♪
Only our love ♪
[music stops]
- Ai!
- [crowd cheering]
Let's go! Awesome! Awesome!
[shouts]
Thank you!
Wow, Charly, honestly,
I'm really surprised.
You gave a moving performance.
I give you five machos.
[crowd cheering through TV]
[Valentín] Congratulations, Charly.
I must admit that
I didn't like you at first
but your performance won me over.
I give you five machos.
[crowd cheers]
Charly, you impressed us
with your creativity, guts,
and those cool dancers. [chuckles]
I give you five machos.
Thank you!
Frankly, I thought
that tribal remix was a bit out of style.
- [crowd laughs]
- Oh, come on.
But you knew how to surprise us.
Plus, your charisma captivated
the entire crowd. Am I right, people?
- [Joel] That's it, that's it!
- Yes! Yes, it's true! [chuckles]
[Rigo] So, I give you four machos.
[chuckles] Thank you, thank you.
- [crowd cheering through TV]
- [sighs]
CHARLY TEJEDA CELEBRATES
REACHING ROUND TWO
[Marquito, Charly, Antonia chuckling]
[Antonia shouts]
[crowd cheering]
[Angélica] Guys, I love you. Never change.
- Aw, thanks a lot, that was great.
- My pleasure.
- Good luck, Charly!
- [Charly] See you.
My loves, remember
when all Charly heard was crickets?
Now take a look at this!
- [fans chanting] Charly, Charly, Charly!
- [Antonia, Marquito] Charly, Charly!
[Antonia] A few words for your fans.
Thank you so much for your support.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
And thank you for being here.
- [kisses] I love you.
- [chuckles]
- I'm very proud of you.
- I love you.
Mr. Alonso, sorry to interrupt,
- but could I see Charly for two minutes?
- Yes. Of course.
- Go. I'll wait for you here.
- Thanks.
- Charly, the mayor wants to talk to you.
- [Charly] Let's go.
[Jerónimo chuckles]
- [Charly] My pleasure.
- Charly.
I mean, you're a hit, eh?
Really, you should feel very proud
of what you're doing.
Can you stop by the office tomorrow?
I want to chat with you
about something, ah?
- It'd be my pleasure.
- [chuckles]
- A picture?
- Of course, of course.
Giovanny, please take a picture.
[Juanito] No. Sir, sir,
let me have the sombrero.
[shutter clicks]
Let that freak beat you and I swear
you'll be hearing from me, asshole.
[Charly] Please.