The Letdown (2017) s01e04 Episode Script

1 - [CRYING.]
- Shh, shh, shh.
- It's OK.
It's OK.
- WOMAN: That was fun.
I was really I was sharp.
I was like funny and now I just feel really blah.
Like I think I am just missing the party version of me.
Like especially this week, I've just been feeling quite brain dead, yeah.
- Oh, that really resonates.
Hi.
- WOMAN 2: Hello.
Welcome.
What's your name? - Audrey.
- Audrey.
ALL: Hi, Audrey.
Oh, Audrey, Scott from the back lane.
- Hi.
- How are you? - How are you? - Yeah, good.
Where am I? Oh, wow.
- Umm - I've got the wrong - What day is it? - It's Tuesday.
Uh-huh.
I am so sorry.
I have got the wrong meeting.
Well, you're welcome to stay.
I mean, there is, like, no judgments here.
You don't have to speak.
You can just listen.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
- She is one of my regulars.
- Scott.
- No, I'm not.
- Denial.
Thank you.
I am so sorry.
I'll just go now.
Oh, she's asleep.
I'll stay.
Umm, just for a bit, if that's OK.
Ooh, carrot cake.
- Later.
- OK.
There was such a like, a willingness to share.
- It was really refreshing.
- Yeah.
It's full-on though, hey.
It gets pretty real.
But, hey, I will miss seeing you around when I am doing the Oh, are you still driving this one around? - Yeah, haven't cracked the sleeping.
- No, I am still dealing.
Oh, no, fuck yeah.
I am still dealing.
Yeah.
I just I just want to get to a place where I am not eating my profits, do you know what I mean? - Oh, that must be tricky.
- It's not good.
Have you thought about a different sales job? No.
No.
Sales? I mean, with this profit margin, it would literally be a crime not to do it.
- You know what I mean? - Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi, Audrey.
- Uh, want to come for a laksa? - Actually, why not? I'm driving carelessly through a maze MAN: So we'll need a bonus question for a round of drinks.
Answers on the back of your coasters, please.
One of Beethoven's piano concertos was nicknamed the Moonlight Sonata.
- Which one? - Number three.
Yep.
- Really? - Yep, number three.
Moonlight Moon - No, that's not right.
- That's not it.
- That's not it.
- Change it, then.
No, no, that's not it.
Nup.
Nup.
Alright, if you had written number 14 - 14 you'd be A, correct, - 14.
And B, a total nerd.
Oh, hi.
Sorry, guys, last minute all staff meeting.
- Lots of fun.
- Oh, I hate those.
Aud, you're lucky you don't have to deal with that crap anymore.
Maybe I should have a kid.
Done.
Nup.
[LAUGHS.]
If I am getting bored at home, you would be like even more bored.
Where were my words? Hey, come in and see us at work sometime.
I will.
That's a good idea.
- Hey, is everything OK at work? - Yeah.
Yeah.
How we going? We were leading thanks to these guys.
But then we missed a financey and then a Mozarty one.
Beethoven.
And we missed a Lady Di question.
Kindergarten teacher? - Yes.
You're incredible.
- We're tied.
MAN: OK, round three.
Question one.
Name two countries land locked by two countries only.
Your category, Audrey.
This is all you.
- Oh, God, two countries only.
- Come on, Aud.
Bring it home.
Um Land locked.
Land locked.
Two countries.
Two c Umm I should know this.
- Yep.
You should know this, Audrey.
- OK, I just said that.
No, just do your visualisation thing.
See the map.
- Yes, I'm seeing.
- You seeing it? It's just a bit blurry.
I just My memory It's just like I'm buffering.
It will come.
- I'm gonna lose my meat tray.
- It's not your meat tray.
It's our meat tray and we're not going to lose it because I am a geography whiz.
- I am thinking.
- Yes, think harder is all I am - A.
- Yes.
- [BABY CRYING.]
- I am just getting her dummy.
She's tired.
- It's a Balkan country, I know that.
- Yeah? Land locked.
It means land all around it.
No access to the water.
- Locked by two countries only, Siri.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Siri, repeat question.
SIRI: Here's what I found on the web for, "What two countries are land locked by two countries only?" Thank you, Siri.
That's an automatic disqualification.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Aud.
- You want a suspension? - Sure.
- No, we didn't know, I swear.
- We were just trying to work it out.
- That's a one-week suspension.
- Ooh, tough guy.
I can make it two.
I don't care because everyone just Googles things nowadays anyway.
I bet that you just Googled these questions.
No-one needs to have the OK, OK, I'm done.
Sorry.
Can you please not suspend me? That's a disqualification for the High Brows.
Fuck.
Fuck it.
OK, is this disqualification, just to be clear, for this lady or is it for all of us? - Can I join another team? - All of you.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
OK, you can come back next week.
The numbers aren't strong enough to really keep you out for too long.
- Thanks, mate.
- Appreciate it.
I am surprisingly nervous.
Excited nervous.
You needn't be.
You're going to be great.
You pop on the jacket.
God, you look good in a suit.
- I'm close.
Are you close? - No.
- What, you're not? - No.
This usually works.
Yeah, but it's not working.
Can you do something? Can you just Just hold me? Yeah.
Yeah.
No, not gentle.
I mean like harder.
You know, just grab me.
Just grab you, like asphyxiation? No, I don't mean strangle me, Ruben.
I just mean, you know, rough it up a bit.
OK.
Just wait, wait, wait.
OK, what about, um What about that, huh? What about that? You like that? Yes.
Now we're cooking.
- Aren't we? - Yes.
- Shut up.
Shut up.
- Huh? Just stop talking.
I am close.
You got to be close? I am not I am not close.
- You're not? - No.
Fuck.
Do you want me to go - I'll go down on you.
- No, I can vaginally orgasm.
I know.
You're very lucky.
It is not luck.
It's anatomical.
Did you just come? I think I might have.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I did.
- Do you want me to - Mm-mm.
WOMAN: And there are other benefits to touch.
It stimulates their central nervous system, their digestive system, their brain.
Are the babies going to do us next? Only fair.
I have a very sore neck, Stevie.
I seriously need something.
Like a technique for mental stimulation.
Yes.
I am starting to think I fell over in the birthing suite.
- I feel permanently concussed.
- Really? I feel more creative than ever.
Like I was up all night editing my birthing video.
- It was pretty gruesome.
- I actually try and do Sudoku daily.
Is that the one with all the numbers? - Only nine.
- Oh.
Oh, yeah, and I highly recommend the caption contest in The New Yorker.
- Wanker.
- Sorry? Yeah, I can't afford another subscription.
I'll email you the page.
Thank you.
That is so nice.
I've got a good feeling about this week.
No point, love.
Baby brain.
It's gone for good.
Surely that's a myth.
No, it's not.
I'm telling you I have absolutely no memory of dropping the twins off at school today.
I know I dropped Jakey off but Jesse, I don't know.
He could be in the car.
He could be at home.
Who knows? But the baby brain, you can well, you can back train it, right? - I hope so.
- What? Nup, gone for good.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm getting sharper every day.
Oh, right, so you've recovered from your labour? - Yeah.
- And your cervix has bounced back? It's a parent group, Barbara.
God, I've got to go.
Got to get this one to a babysitter.
Got my interview today.
- Good luck.
- Good luck.
- See you, guys.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Good luck.
- He looks weird in a suit, yeah? - Mm-hm.
Should we tell him that he smells of baby vomit? ALL: Nah.
I think Jesse might be in the car.
- You should check.
I should check.
- I should check.
- Can you just watch her? Yep.
- I've got her.
I left the window down, but just quickly have a look.
Yeah, fascinating guy.
Hasn't seen his mum for 20 years because she refuses to leave the village where she grew up in in Syria and she thinks she'd be more unsafe here than back there.
Can you believe that? Do you take many Ubers? No.
Taxi man? Bicycle man? OK, so you've been managing what? Net worth? Um, Michael, typically I'd be managing portfolios between 3 and 5 million with an annual revenue of 25 to 40.
It's Angus.
Angus Michaels.
Oh, pardon me.
You must get that a lot with the two first names.
Well, no, because it's Michaels, not Michael, so My mistake.
Just looking globally for a second.
Can I just ask how long do you think we're going to be? It's just it's Eva's first day with a daytime babysitter and, uh I didn't know you I was hoping to get back towards the end of her sleep.
Ester never mentioned a baby.
I like to sing her a wake-up song.
Sort of a reverse lullaby.
It sounds stupid but she really does actually respond to it.
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
I mean, keep going.
I mean, maybe you could give me a signal when we're almost done and I could just book the Uber.
Can we just get back to the? So, Ruben, uh, where do you see yourself in five years? Ooh.
Uh Can I pass? No.
Yeah, I'm nearly there.
So I will see you soon.
- Oh.
- WOMAN: Oh, shit, you're here.
I didn't really mean now, now.
We're off to a meeting.
- Oh, OK.
- Do you remember Aud? - Yeah, of course.
She hired me.
Hi.
- Hi, Sally.
How are you? - I'm good.
- Good.
- Phone.
- Oh.
God.
- Umm umm I'll just get a coffee.
- Great idea.
- How long will you be? - Oh, we won't be long.
- OK, well, who are you off to? - Lord Mayor.
Yeah, Sally has been asked to draft a speech on - For the Lord Mayor? - Yeah.
- Good for you.
- Thanks.
- Oh, Em, we really need to fly.
- Yeah, OK.
I'll see you in a bit at the cafe.
Bye, baby.
Oh, so, uh, it says here you've had 12 months off.
Have you put that to good use on your own little nest egg? - Oh, no.
- Oh, come on.
Let me know.
- Tell me.
What have you got? - No, no, I haven't.
- What is it, 10 mil? - No.
- More? - No, I'm not - Cagey? - No.
What are you interested in? - You are not getting that out of me.
- Come on.
Tell me.
- What is it up to? 100 mil? More? - No, I can't.
Seriously, what have you been investing in? It gives me a clear indication of what your potential is? Oh, I haven't been investing in anything.
I haven't got a portfolio.
Why were you I just wanted to make it look like I had been.
I actually just needed a break from all the clients.
You know, um, it's been good and the self-medication.
Coke still rife? We're a family business, so Oh, good.
Well, that's good.
Probably wouldn't need it anyway.
I'm much calmer these days.
Could be the, um, hormones.
Kidding.
Although, they do say oestrogen, you do get a bit of a kick of oestrogen when you're looking after kids.
Hopefully not too much.
Although that would be handy.
Sorry, can we just get back to the interview? You know what I've gone and done? I've booked the Uber.
Probably when I was showing you the app before.
Yeah, Yuri with his Mazda 6 is five minutes away.
Uh, 4.
9 rating.
Pretty good.
But I will cancel him because we're still Should I cancel? Or not? Four minutes away.
I'll cancel.
'Cause if we've got to still Should I order? You're not saying anything so I don't know.
Oh, don't cancel.
OK.
That's us, then.
MAN: Jeremy, coffee.
Your turn.
Righto.
Yep.
Usual? Yeah, soy flat with two.
- Don't forget the soy, yeah.
- Soy.
Four-shot latte.
Hold on, I'll get you some money.
[WHISPERS.]
Four-shot latte.
Petty cash and get the receipt, yeah.
OK, I'll do that.
What the fuck? Suse? Dan? He's gone.
Retrenched.
Helmarrick just came in and did an engineering cleansing.
You're kidding? Gab and Lucy? Same.
Fucking hell.
Am I gone, too? You and I are safe for now.
Man, that's bad for them.
Do you still have that petty cash? Coffees were about 25.
WOMAN: Latte? Thank you.
Did you get that from the bench? Just in there? Yeah.
That's the staff area.
Oh, sorry.
Do you mind if I.
.
? There's a news agency down the road.
Yeah, can I just I just really want to get 16 down.
- Can I just - Hey, Aud! Hey, can I get two takeaway flat whites to go, please? Sorry, that took longer than expected.
That's alright.
You can't stay? No, sorry.
Bitch of a day.
Oh, that's alright.
I've got a busy afternoon.
Oh, what are you up to? Just some stuff.
Well, she'll wake up so there will be lots to Lots to keep me busy.
- Oh, yeah, definitely.
- How was your meeting? Oh, it was weirdly positive.
We got some tea and biscuits.
- I maintain she has a crush on you.
- Stop.
With the cushion, "It's from Morocco.
" What biscuits did you did she serve you? Umm uh Monte Carlos.
Yuck.
'Credible'.
- Hmm? - 16 down is 'credible'.
Oh.
Yeah.
- Yes, it is.
- Oh, the target's easy, too.
No.
Don't tell me.
'Remindoes'.
What does that mean? It's 'modernise'.
Quick, Sudoku race before the coffee comes.
Well, this is the waitress's so we should probably not do that.
Just leave it for her.
Thanks.
That's just on the account.
Thanks.
- I'll call you later.
- OK.
- See ya.
- Bye, guys.
Bye.
Oh, just leave that.
The cleaner is coming tomorrow.
Exactly.
One day you'll have to explain to me the logic of cleaning for the cleaner.
[SIGHS.]
What's for dinner? What do you feel like? I make decisions all day.
Uh, Indian.
- I'll get some takeaway.
- Great.
Oh, how did the job interview go? I've, um I've actually decided not to go back to work.
- Just for now.
- So you threw it? - What? No.
No, of course not.
- No? 'Cause Angus called me.
And? Nobody buys corporate bonds anymore, Ruben.
- Did I say corporate bonds? - Yeah.
And for future reference, when they ask you where you see yourself in the next five years, they're not talking about the school fucking catchment area.
Well, yeah, exactly.
See, this is my point.
My entire perspective has shifted.
Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be to convince people that you are serious about your career if you have another year of unemployment? It's not unemployment.
I'm on paternity leave.
You need a job to have paternity leave.
Yeah, but this is a job.
It's just unpaid with heaps of overtime and slightly undervalued, - if I'm being honest.
- Funny.
So what work do you actually do apart from Facebook status updates and nap? All the books say to nap when she naps - and the rest of the day, I'm flat out.
- On your back? And the status updates, they're for you, actually.
- Oh! - And Mum.
Christ, this place is a disgrace.
We have a baby, Ester.
Yes, who, as far as I can see, does not eat corn chips and do massive poos in the toilet.
You can't even change the toilet roll, which takes all of six seconds.
Alright, alright, alright.
I will try and make more of an effort around the house.
I'm just I'm just trying to tell you that I want to keep looking after our daughter.
I don't want to miss out on stuff.
But it's OK for me to miss out on the important stuff? I was hoping to go down to four days.
You still can.
Ruben, you have to get a job.
Come on, Ester.
This will be good for all of us.
Don't they say professional women need wives? Actually that would be quite good at the moment because at least she'd take the bins out.
[TV PLAYS SOFTLY.]
Ba-Nanna from heaven? "Ba-Nanna from heaven"? Like manna, but Nanna, like banana, with an American accent.
Kind of.
It's a bit of a long bow.
What are you doing? Is that a TED talk? Yep.
Distant Time and the Hint of a Multiverse.
- What's that about? - I don't know.
I've watched it three times now.
Thought it would spark up the brain.
I'm becoming monosyllabic.
You just used monosyllabic in a sentence.
That's pretty good.
I have no short-term memory.
You know, today I had to spell my name on the phone.
- You know what I said for Y? - 'Yuck'.
That's all I had.
'Yuck'.
'Yuck' is OK.
I mean, there's yellow, youth, year, yacht, Yentl.
- OK.
Showing off.
- Yahtzee.
Oh.
Oh, you sore? Do you want a massage? Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
- Yep.
Oh.
You know, I saw Sally today.
Who is Sally? My work replacement.
She's totally stealing my job.
You know she's writing a speech for the Lord Mayor.
Wow.
You tried to do that for years.
Sorry.
How was your day? My day was fine.
What are you doing? - It will relax you.
- I don't need relaxing.
- I need stimulating.
- This does both.
- It relaxes and stimulates.
- No, I can't.
I can't.
Not now, just, um We'll have sex soon.
I promise.
Big sex.
OK.
Fine.
What are you doing? Don't stop.
You just told me to stop.
No, stop the fondling, not the massage.
But that was a foreplay massage.
No.
That was a massage, massage.
My neck is killing me.
Well, you should probably go see someone.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'll probably make it worse.
[LAUGHS.]
You almost done? - Huh? What? - Do you want to have sex? Oh, sure.
Can you initiate for once? Oh.
Well, I can't now.
I don't know.
Think about it.
Just have a little bit of a - Sexy time.
- No, I don't want to.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Sorab's ready.
Also, Ruben's on his way in.
He's out of milk and needs you to feed Eva.
Should I book the conference room? No, I do not need the conference room to feed my own daughter.
Yep? I haven't had a raise in almost two years and I just feel a little bit more money will represent my contribution, value to the company.
- You do, do you? - Yeah.
I do.
Plus, I've had another offer.
- Right.
Here we go.
- Yeah.
It's a really exciting new start-up.
Exciting.
What, not like here? Ester, I really like working here but, you know, I've got a family to support.
I'm sole provider.
It's not like you and Ruben.
You know what? Just go.
If you've got a better offer, just pack up your things and just go.
What about the conference? I don't want Belle, can you draft an all-staff email? Sorab is leaving us, today.
- Ester, I - Just go.
Now.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Oh.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh.
Oh.
Hey, thank you both for helping out at the last minute.
Hi, Pete.
This is classical music and financey guy.
Ruben and Martha, this is Pete, our resident trivia genius.
Can we get through tonight without cheating, please? Yes, no looking at phones.
That is banned.
I need to win.
How did your interview go? Oh, great.
Yeah, yeah.
It made me realise I don't want to go back to work.
Wow! Really? I am kind of missing the work.
I think PR was more stimulating than I gave it credit for.
No, I say enjoy it while it lasts, you know.
You realise our new mum brains are just getting rid of shit that they don't need so before they start expanding with all the new learning and multitasking.
I read it in a sciencey thing.
What? Expans Did you just say we're going to get smarter? Thank Christ.
Yeah.
Yeah, because our brains aren't shrinking.
They're becoming more complex.
Apparently it's akin to the growth in adolescence.
Oh, my God.
Hopefully without the acne and the horniness.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Oh, is that me? - No phone.
- We haven't started yet, have we? No, I'll just, um Sorry about that.
I will just Oh, I have to get this.
I have to get this.
- Hey, Ester.
- WOMAN: Hi.
I've got to work late and I won't get home for story time.
Can you organise some takeaway? Yeah, well, maybe I won't need to.
If things go well, I'll be coming home with steak.
Perfect.
I need the iron.
Oh, and Ruben, you can have your six months.
12? - Nine.
- Done.
Ester, you are not going to regret this.
- Hang up the phone.
- Both of us.
I have to go.
- I have to go.
- Hang up.
MAN: What is the name of the multiple dimensions, many worlds theory? Oh, my God! I just TED talked this! What are the chances? It's the many w The multi The many The multi The many the multi - Gone.
Sorry.
- ALL: Oh.
My area's geography.
Was.
When does the brain expansion happen? [LAUGHS.]
Hey, would you be interested in a temp job? Ester needs PR for a conference.
Oh, I could maybe do that.
- Yeah? - That's a few days.
Maybe from home or something? Name the final battle of the Roman Republic between Octavian and Marc Antony.
- That would be the Battle of Actium.
- Yes.
What is Charles Darwin's seminal work? Origin of the species.
That's easy.
The basset horn is part of which musical family? It's woodwind.
Brass.
- It's woodwind.
- Ah, I think it's brass.
She's a classical musician.
Oh, OK.
Which philosopher wrote "I think therefore I am"? What is the oldest Ivy League college in the US? I'd say it's on the east coast so it would be Princeton.
The hippopotamus is native to how many continents? - One.
- No, two.
Alright, we have a tie between Furrowed High Brows and Quiz In My Pants.
- Boo! - Disgusting name.
So there will be one more question to decide the winner.
What canal is also known as the parturient canal? - Geography.
- OK.
I feel like I know this.
I've heard this.
Where have I heard this? Oh, my God.
I know it.
I've got it.
- What? - Oh, my God.
I am back.
What is it? Oh, it's the birth canal.
Yes, yes, it is.
Yep.
- Nice.
- Thank you.
And the winner is - The Furrowed Highbrows.
- ALL: Yes! Meat tray! Gonna eat.
Meat tray.
Well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Lovely to meet you.
Well done.
- That was awesome.
- That was fun.
- Dun-da-da! - Yay! Winner, winner, vegan dinner.
- There we go.
- Sorry, vegan dinner? Mmm.
So it's not a meat tray? A vegan meat tray.
Do you eat meat? Yeah.
Heaps of it.
- Oh.
- OK.
- That's meat.
- No.
Well, I told Ester I was bringing home some steak.
Tofu steaks.
Tastes like rib eye.
It's delicious.