The Looney Tunes Show s01e04 Episode Script
Fish and Visitors
Why am I stuck doing this? Don't you remember? We agreed that you'd do the chores for the first then I'll do them for the rest of the year.
Oh, right.
[Chuckles.]
Sucker.
[Rumbling.]
I wonder what he's up to.
What do I always say? Don't get involved in your neighbor's business.
Before you know it, their business is your business.
It's a very slippery slope.
Daffy, when you live in a neighborhood, you live by a strict code of conduct.
Part of it is being friendly to your neighbors-- even the bad ones.
Ah, what's up, neighbor? None of your business, you bucktoothed varmint! [Laughs.]
What are you laughing at, beak face? We're just trying to be friendly.
I don't need friendship.
I don't need nothin'.
I'm totally self-sufficient.
Or at least I'm about to be, with these here solar panels.
Good-bye, high energy bills.
Hello, self-sufficiency.
Whoops.
I wanted to keep that.
Wish I had labeled these things.
Jackpot! I'm off the grid.
Sun, do your thing.
[Whirring.]
Do you hear that? That's the sound of Yosemite Sam never needing nothing from nobody never again.
Have fun paying your electric bill, losers.
[Thunder.]
Uh-oh.
This could be a problem.
meteorologists are saying there is no end in sight for all of this rain.
This is Elmer J.
Fudd reporting.
Ha ha ha! [Thunder.]
I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam right now.
I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam any time.
[Doorbell rings.]
Pardon me, neighbors.
I know I said I never needed nothing from nobody, but could I possibly use your microwave to heat my frozen dinner? Don't get involved! He's standing right there! Where's your microwave? [Microwave beeping.]
[Microwave whirring.]
Ahem-hem-hem.
Hmm? I thought you said something.
Uh, no.
[Microwave beeps.]
Oh, thank goodness.
I mean, it's ready.
Okey dokey.
Well, thanks, neighbors.
Let's never do this again.
Out of my way, beak face! [Doorbell rings.]
And with the extra point, we'll have a tied ball game.
Of course, in this rain, the extra point is not-- Sorry.
Code of conduct.
Apparently no power means no hot water.
Do you mind if I grab a quick shower? I'll just be in and out.
Sorry I took so long.
Wound up taking a long bath after the quick shower.
I won't bother you again.
[Door closes.]
Was he wearing my robe? Yeah.
He used your bathroom.
[Razor vibrating.]
[Screaming.]
I had to see you.
Adam, this won't work.
[Door opens, closes.]
Sorry.
Electric toothbrush.
Good for fighting tartar but, heh, bad for when you lose power.
Oh! What you watching? Ah, I seen this movie.
[Spits.]
[Maniacal laughter.]
Yeah, she dies at the end.
Adam Oh, I almost forgot-- one of you's got to wake me up at 4:30 in the morning.
Now, when you're waking me, you gotta do it very gentle-like.
I'm a sensitive sleeper.
I also tend to have night terrors.
So, trust me on this, you do not want to wake me if I am having a night terror.
Oh, and if there's a tie on the door, don't come in at all.
[Chuckles.]
Nighty night, neighbors.
[Door opens, closes.]
[Alarm sounding.]
[Thunder.]
Sam, Sam.
[Sam speaking russian.]
Heh heh heh! [Speaking russian.]
What are you doing here? I never left.
[Speaking russian.]
Who are you talking to? I'm taking to Russia.
Some dope cut my phone line.
Mae Druzia Bugs y Daffy prekrasnia.
Spaceeba! [Crash.]
Sheesh.
Why don't you just move in? [Gasps.]
You were thinking that, too? Well, that's a great idea! I'll go rustle up my gear.
B.
R.
B.
-- roomies! Please tell me I'm having a night terror.
Is that my robe? [Door opens, closes.]
Whoo-hoo! Hee-haw! [Yelling.]
Ahh! [Cackling.]
Thanks for breaking my fall, roomie! No.
Thank you for breaking my back.
Eh, this living arrangement is only temporary, right? Absolutely! Soon as that sun comes back out, I'm-a gone! Well, in the meantime, I should probably stock up on some groceries.
I feel like I'm starting to get hungry.
And believe me, you won't like me when I'm hungry.
I don't like you now.
[Thunder.]
And thanks again for spotting me.
I'll pay you back.
This temporary living arrangement is starting to feel very permanent.
It's got to stop raining some time.
Soy cheese nachos? Try one.
Try one.
Tastes like real cheese.
Try one.
Try one.
Huh? No? Heh heh heh! Ok, more for me.
[Chewing loudly.]
[Burps.]
Well, time for bed.
Ahem, ahem.
And, uh, you're sitting on it.
I didn't want it to come to this, but I think it would be best if you slept somewhere else.
Are you saying what I think you're saying? I'm afraid so.
You can't sleep here.
Well, then it's settled.
You sleep on the couch and I'll sleep in your bed.
What?! You can't sleep in his bed! Oh, I get it.
You're a-jealous.
Well, don't worry, I actually like to sleep like I'm in a sandwich.
You know, one mattress on the top, one mattress on the bottom.
So I'll take your bed, too.
There, problem solved.
Nighty-night.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Seriously.
Keep that lid on tight, or those bedbugs will bite.
[Doorbell rings.]
[Russian accent.]
I am here to meet Yosemite Sam, my new husband.
[Gasps.]
Svetlana? Uh, you, uh, ooh.
You don't look like your picture.
You don't look like your picture, either.
That was, uh, that was before the beard.
Come on, let me show you to your room.
[Sam giggling.]
Whoo-hoo.
[Giggling.]
Uh, what the-- how'd these rascals get on my hands? Now get! Get, you soft and pretty gloves.
Uh, what's up, roomies? Sam, we need to talk.
There's simply not enough room in this house for the four of us.
I couldn't agree more.
That's why I sent Svetlana packing this morning.
Oh, it's no big loss.
She was one of those has to tell you about the dream she just had kind of girls.
Although, now that I think about it, I had a crazy dream last night.
I was in the house I grew up in, but it was different, you know? All the rooms were like on the wrong side.
It was weird.
Anyway, neighbor's dog was there, but we was all acting like it was our dog.
Silky.
Does the term "slippery slope" ring a bell? You were right.
When I first moved in here, I remember saying very clearly, let's not be nice to the neighbor.
You were right.
And I remember thinking to myself as I was saying it, Daffy, this is sounding a little harsh.
But you know what? You were right.
I was right! What'd you say? - You were right.
- [Gasps.]
I've dreamed of this moment for so long.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
And I need your help.
Ahh! It just got so much better! [Rooster crowing.]
Chickenhawk, getting hungry chickenhawk, getting hungry I want some chicken, to eat it is my favorite meat I like it crispy, or glazed it puts me in a daze I like it fried up or baked on my birthday, I eat chicken cake chickenhawk's not a chicken he's just a hawk that eats chicken now just one second, all right? I've got something for your appetite! there's so many things that you could eat there's a Chinese restaurant down the street or how about a fish taco, son? this bakery's got good honey buns [Cash register.]
Don't you seem so tasty? hey, chicken, get in my mouth how about a hot dog with mustard and Sauerkraut? no! I want some chicken no lie, you are my chicken pot pie instead of chicken, try pork just please put down that fork try my grandma's baked beans they've got they're gooey sweet and piping hot you'll want to eat the whole dang pot chickenhawk gonna eat the beans chickenhawk is enjoying the beans I knew you'd come around, son.
You know what would go good with these beans? - Chicken.
- Uh-oh.
Get over here, chicken.
Chicken does go good with beans beans and chicken, what a heavenly combo Time for bies and tries.
Hit it! And one.
And two.
[Grunts.]
- And three.
And four.
- [Grunts.]
- Reach for it, - [Growls.]
AndRest.
Ohh.
I'm sweatin' like a hog! Daffy, it's your greatest skill-- repelling people! Use it.
Well, he's not going to leave as long as he likes being here.
We have to make it so unpleasant that he wants to move out.
- But how? - We have to fill our home with incessant fighting, resentment, and so much tension that no one could stand to live here.
At least, that's what my parents did.
So you're saying we should stage a fake fight? That's exactly what I'm saying.
Ok.
Time for the abs and glutes! Oh, you're killing me! But those are my problem areas! [Grunting.]
How many times do I have to tell you to put your deli dishes in the dishwasher? Really? That's the best fake fight you can come up with? [Chuckles.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you're the reigning king of fake fightland.
We wouldn't even need to have a fake fight if you didn't get us into this mess.
Well, some of this is your fault, too.
Me? What did I do? I specifically remember hearing you pray for rain 2 days ago.
- What? - Don't play dumb with me.
I heard you complaining about how the dry air was exacerbating your eczema.
[Gasps.]
First of all, it's not eczema.
It's psoriasis, which is a much less serious skin condition.
And second of all, a man's prayers are his own business, and you shouldn't be eavesdropping.
Break it up.
Break it up! Whoa! Y'all can't be fighting.
He means the world to you.
You know that.
And he means the world to you, and you know that.
And I mean the world to both of you, and we all know that.
It is so clear that you need me here to keep us all together.
We're like a family now.
Like brothers.
Or fathers.
Nah, brothers.
Let's hug.
I'll never, ever leave.
Never, ever Never.
Never leave.
Never.
[Thunder.]
Well, that didn't work.
Operation: Roommate removal is about to enter phase 2.
Keep it down.
Oh, right.
We don't want to upset Mr.
Light sleeper.
Or do we? [Rock music playing.]
[Indistinct talking.]
Hey! Having a good time? Feel free to use the coasters.
And turn up the music! The louder, the better! [Volume increases.]
And we will be losing one annoying houseguest in 5, 4, What in tarnation is a-goin' on here? One.
If this is the kind of shenanigans that's going to go on here, I'm just going to pack my bags and get the-- [gasps.]
Is that karaoke? [Soft rock music playing.]
Wherever you go I'll be with you whatever you want I'll give it to you whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon remember, after the fire after all the rain I will be the flame I will be the flame [Cheering.]
[Laughs.]
Time for phase 3.
Yosemite! Wake up! [Gasps.]
What's happening? There's a ghost in this house! - A ghost? - Yes! A ghost! And he's a very angry ghost.
I said, he's a very angry ghost.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! Ooh! He does sound angry.
Whoa! [Wailing.]
Come on, Bugs.
This is no time to be playing in the laundry.
There's a ghost in our house! [Raining.]
You two will be safe out here in the cold and rain.
What? [Lock clicks.]
I locked the door.
That durn ghost ain't escaping.
Come on, ghost.
It's just you and me now, ghost.
Is that you? Hyah! [Glass shattering.]
[Grunting.]
Oh, you think you can get away, huh? [Grunts.]
[Glass shatters.]
[Snoring.]
Wake up, boys! It's a good morning.
I got him.
It took all night, but in this, I believe I have your ghost.
Either that, or it's just a jar full of air.
You idiot! There was no ghost! We told you that so you would leave! [Whimpers.]
Brother, is it true what the other brother just said? It's true, doc.
You can't stay with us anymore.
I can take a hint.
Well, not really.
We've dropped a ton of 'em.
All right.
I don't need to be told twice.
Apparently, you need to be told about 1,000 times.
I'm a bad houseguest.
Always have been.
Give me an inch, I'll take a mile.
Give me a secret, I post it online.
You tell me under no circumstances am I to look in your third desk drawer, and I got your third desk drawer right here.
Here you go.
I guess I'll just go back to my cold, dark, lonely house 'cause I ain't got no family.
[Crying.]
I know I'm going to regret this.
- Are you crazy? - Crazy? Yes.
Heartless? No.
Come on back inside.
You can stay.
[Crying stops.]
You--you really mean it? [Gasps.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Machinery whirs.]
[Engine clicks and whirs.]
[Bubbling.]
Whoo-hoo! I'm back in business! Toodle-oo, you buck-toothed, beak-faced losers! I don't need no one! Well, I hope you learned your lesson about talking to neighbors.
Daffy, letting him stay with us was the right thing to do.
And if I had it to do over again, I would.
[Thunder.]
[Machinery whirs.]
Brothers! Quick! Get inside! Run! [Chuckles.]
I can't believe that fool thought there was a ghost in this jar.
[Giggles.]
Yeah.
What a maroo-- What? Uh, is that the jar that had the bedbugs in it? [Both grunting.]
Oh, right.
[Chuckles.]
Sucker.
[Rumbling.]
I wonder what he's up to.
What do I always say? Don't get involved in your neighbor's business.
Before you know it, their business is your business.
It's a very slippery slope.
Daffy, when you live in a neighborhood, you live by a strict code of conduct.
Part of it is being friendly to your neighbors-- even the bad ones.
Ah, what's up, neighbor? None of your business, you bucktoothed varmint! [Laughs.]
What are you laughing at, beak face? We're just trying to be friendly.
I don't need friendship.
I don't need nothin'.
I'm totally self-sufficient.
Or at least I'm about to be, with these here solar panels.
Good-bye, high energy bills.
Hello, self-sufficiency.
Whoops.
I wanted to keep that.
Wish I had labeled these things.
Jackpot! I'm off the grid.
Sun, do your thing.
[Whirring.]
Do you hear that? That's the sound of Yosemite Sam never needing nothing from nobody never again.
Have fun paying your electric bill, losers.
[Thunder.]
Uh-oh.
This could be a problem.
meteorologists are saying there is no end in sight for all of this rain.
This is Elmer J.
Fudd reporting.
Ha ha ha! [Thunder.]
I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam right now.
I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam any time.
[Doorbell rings.]
Pardon me, neighbors.
I know I said I never needed nothing from nobody, but could I possibly use your microwave to heat my frozen dinner? Don't get involved! He's standing right there! Where's your microwave? [Microwave beeping.]
[Microwave whirring.]
Ahem-hem-hem.
Hmm? I thought you said something.
Uh, no.
[Microwave beeps.]
Oh, thank goodness.
I mean, it's ready.
Okey dokey.
Well, thanks, neighbors.
Let's never do this again.
Out of my way, beak face! [Doorbell rings.]
And with the extra point, we'll have a tied ball game.
Of course, in this rain, the extra point is not-- Sorry.
Code of conduct.
Apparently no power means no hot water.
Do you mind if I grab a quick shower? I'll just be in and out.
Sorry I took so long.
Wound up taking a long bath after the quick shower.
I won't bother you again.
[Door closes.]
Was he wearing my robe? Yeah.
He used your bathroom.
[Razor vibrating.]
[Screaming.]
I had to see you.
Adam, this won't work.
[Door opens, closes.]
Sorry.
Electric toothbrush.
Good for fighting tartar but, heh, bad for when you lose power.
Oh! What you watching? Ah, I seen this movie.
[Spits.]
[Maniacal laughter.]
Yeah, she dies at the end.
Adam Oh, I almost forgot-- one of you's got to wake me up at 4:30 in the morning.
Now, when you're waking me, you gotta do it very gentle-like.
I'm a sensitive sleeper.
I also tend to have night terrors.
So, trust me on this, you do not want to wake me if I am having a night terror.
Oh, and if there's a tie on the door, don't come in at all.
[Chuckles.]
Nighty night, neighbors.
[Door opens, closes.]
[Alarm sounding.]
[Thunder.]
Sam, Sam.
[Sam speaking russian.]
Heh heh heh! [Speaking russian.]
What are you doing here? I never left.
[Speaking russian.]
Who are you talking to? I'm taking to Russia.
Some dope cut my phone line.
Mae Druzia Bugs y Daffy prekrasnia.
Spaceeba! [Crash.]
Sheesh.
Why don't you just move in? [Gasps.]
You were thinking that, too? Well, that's a great idea! I'll go rustle up my gear.
B.
R.
B.
-- roomies! Please tell me I'm having a night terror.
Is that my robe? [Door opens, closes.]
Whoo-hoo! Hee-haw! [Yelling.]
Ahh! [Cackling.]
Thanks for breaking my fall, roomie! No.
Thank you for breaking my back.
Eh, this living arrangement is only temporary, right? Absolutely! Soon as that sun comes back out, I'm-a gone! Well, in the meantime, I should probably stock up on some groceries.
I feel like I'm starting to get hungry.
And believe me, you won't like me when I'm hungry.
I don't like you now.
[Thunder.]
And thanks again for spotting me.
I'll pay you back.
This temporary living arrangement is starting to feel very permanent.
It's got to stop raining some time.
Soy cheese nachos? Try one.
Try one.
Tastes like real cheese.
Try one.
Try one.
Huh? No? Heh heh heh! Ok, more for me.
[Chewing loudly.]
[Burps.]
Well, time for bed.
Ahem, ahem.
And, uh, you're sitting on it.
I didn't want it to come to this, but I think it would be best if you slept somewhere else.
Are you saying what I think you're saying? I'm afraid so.
You can't sleep here.
Well, then it's settled.
You sleep on the couch and I'll sleep in your bed.
What?! You can't sleep in his bed! Oh, I get it.
You're a-jealous.
Well, don't worry, I actually like to sleep like I'm in a sandwich.
You know, one mattress on the top, one mattress on the bottom.
So I'll take your bed, too.
There, problem solved.
Nighty-night.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Seriously.
Keep that lid on tight, or those bedbugs will bite.
[Doorbell rings.]
[Russian accent.]
I am here to meet Yosemite Sam, my new husband.
[Gasps.]
Svetlana? Uh, you, uh, ooh.
You don't look like your picture.
You don't look like your picture, either.
That was, uh, that was before the beard.
Come on, let me show you to your room.
[Sam giggling.]
Whoo-hoo.
[Giggling.]
Uh, what the-- how'd these rascals get on my hands? Now get! Get, you soft and pretty gloves.
Uh, what's up, roomies? Sam, we need to talk.
There's simply not enough room in this house for the four of us.
I couldn't agree more.
That's why I sent Svetlana packing this morning.
Oh, it's no big loss.
She was one of those has to tell you about the dream she just had kind of girls.
Although, now that I think about it, I had a crazy dream last night.
I was in the house I grew up in, but it was different, you know? All the rooms were like on the wrong side.
It was weird.
Anyway, neighbor's dog was there, but we was all acting like it was our dog.
Silky.
Does the term "slippery slope" ring a bell? You were right.
When I first moved in here, I remember saying very clearly, let's not be nice to the neighbor.
You were right.
And I remember thinking to myself as I was saying it, Daffy, this is sounding a little harsh.
But you know what? You were right.
I was right! What'd you say? - You were right.
- [Gasps.]
I've dreamed of this moment for so long.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
And I need your help.
Ahh! It just got so much better! [Rooster crowing.]
Chickenhawk, getting hungry chickenhawk, getting hungry I want some chicken, to eat it is my favorite meat I like it crispy, or glazed it puts me in a daze I like it fried up or baked on my birthday, I eat chicken cake chickenhawk's not a chicken he's just a hawk that eats chicken now just one second, all right? I've got something for your appetite! there's so many things that you could eat there's a Chinese restaurant down the street or how about a fish taco, son? this bakery's got good honey buns [Cash register.]
Don't you seem so tasty? hey, chicken, get in my mouth how about a hot dog with mustard and Sauerkraut? no! I want some chicken no lie, you are my chicken pot pie instead of chicken, try pork just please put down that fork try my grandma's baked beans they've got they're gooey sweet and piping hot you'll want to eat the whole dang pot chickenhawk gonna eat the beans chickenhawk is enjoying the beans I knew you'd come around, son.
You know what would go good with these beans? - Chicken.
- Uh-oh.
Get over here, chicken.
Chicken does go good with beans beans and chicken, what a heavenly combo Time for bies and tries.
Hit it! And one.
And two.
[Grunts.]
- And three.
And four.
- [Grunts.]
- Reach for it, - [Growls.]
AndRest.
Ohh.
I'm sweatin' like a hog! Daffy, it's your greatest skill-- repelling people! Use it.
Well, he's not going to leave as long as he likes being here.
We have to make it so unpleasant that he wants to move out.
- But how? - We have to fill our home with incessant fighting, resentment, and so much tension that no one could stand to live here.
At least, that's what my parents did.
So you're saying we should stage a fake fight? That's exactly what I'm saying.
Ok.
Time for the abs and glutes! Oh, you're killing me! But those are my problem areas! [Grunting.]
How many times do I have to tell you to put your deli dishes in the dishwasher? Really? That's the best fake fight you can come up with? [Chuckles.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you're the reigning king of fake fightland.
We wouldn't even need to have a fake fight if you didn't get us into this mess.
Well, some of this is your fault, too.
Me? What did I do? I specifically remember hearing you pray for rain 2 days ago.
- What? - Don't play dumb with me.
I heard you complaining about how the dry air was exacerbating your eczema.
[Gasps.]
First of all, it's not eczema.
It's psoriasis, which is a much less serious skin condition.
And second of all, a man's prayers are his own business, and you shouldn't be eavesdropping.
Break it up.
Break it up! Whoa! Y'all can't be fighting.
He means the world to you.
You know that.
And he means the world to you, and you know that.
And I mean the world to both of you, and we all know that.
It is so clear that you need me here to keep us all together.
We're like a family now.
Like brothers.
Or fathers.
Nah, brothers.
Let's hug.
I'll never, ever leave.
Never, ever Never.
Never leave.
Never.
[Thunder.]
Well, that didn't work.
Operation: Roommate removal is about to enter phase 2.
Keep it down.
Oh, right.
We don't want to upset Mr.
Light sleeper.
Or do we? [Rock music playing.]
[Indistinct talking.]
Hey! Having a good time? Feel free to use the coasters.
And turn up the music! The louder, the better! [Volume increases.]
And we will be losing one annoying houseguest in 5, 4, What in tarnation is a-goin' on here? One.
If this is the kind of shenanigans that's going to go on here, I'm just going to pack my bags and get the-- [gasps.]
Is that karaoke? [Soft rock music playing.]
Wherever you go I'll be with you whatever you want I'll give it to you whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon remember, after the fire after all the rain I will be the flame I will be the flame [Cheering.]
[Laughs.]
Time for phase 3.
Yosemite! Wake up! [Gasps.]
What's happening? There's a ghost in this house! - A ghost? - Yes! A ghost! And he's a very angry ghost.
I said, he's a very angry ghost.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! Ooh! He does sound angry.
Whoa! [Wailing.]
Come on, Bugs.
This is no time to be playing in the laundry.
There's a ghost in our house! [Raining.]
You two will be safe out here in the cold and rain.
What? [Lock clicks.]
I locked the door.
That durn ghost ain't escaping.
Come on, ghost.
It's just you and me now, ghost.
Is that you? Hyah! [Glass shattering.]
[Grunting.]
Oh, you think you can get away, huh? [Grunts.]
[Glass shatters.]
[Snoring.]
Wake up, boys! It's a good morning.
I got him.
It took all night, but in this, I believe I have your ghost.
Either that, or it's just a jar full of air.
You idiot! There was no ghost! We told you that so you would leave! [Whimpers.]
Brother, is it true what the other brother just said? It's true, doc.
You can't stay with us anymore.
I can take a hint.
Well, not really.
We've dropped a ton of 'em.
All right.
I don't need to be told twice.
Apparently, you need to be told about 1,000 times.
I'm a bad houseguest.
Always have been.
Give me an inch, I'll take a mile.
Give me a secret, I post it online.
You tell me under no circumstances am I to look in your third desk drawer, and I got your third desk drawer right here.
Here you go.
I guess I'll just go back to my cold, dark, lonely house 'cause I ain't got no family.
[Crying.]
I know I'm going to regret this.
- Are you crazy? - Crazy? Yes.
Heartless? No.
Come on back inside.
You can stay.
[Crying stops.]
You--you really mean it? [Gasps.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Machinery whirs.]
[Engine clicks and whirs.]
[Bubbling.]
Whoo-hoo! I'm back in business! Toodle-oo, you buck-toothed, beak-faced losers! I don't need no one! Well, I hope you learned your lesson about talking to neighbors.
Daffy, letting him stay with us was the right thing to do.
And if I had it to do over again, I would.
[Thunder.]
[Machinery whirs.]
Brothers! Quick! Get inside! Run! [Chuckles.]
I can't believe that fool thought there was a ghost in this jar.
[Giggles.]
Yeah.
What a maroo-- What? Uh, is that the jar that had the bedbugs in it? [Both grunting.]