The Muppets Mayhem (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

1
(BAND MEMBERS SINGING
SHE'LL BE COMING 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN)
(SINGING JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT)
(SINGING JINGLE BELLS)
(SINGING TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME)
(SINGING AVE MARIA)
(SINGING OH! SUSANNA)
(ALL CHEERING)
FLOYD: That's how you do it.
What song do you wanna sing next?
- How about the Beatles?
- Ooh, maybe David Bowie?
Hendrix! Hendrix!
All fantabulous options
that we can most certainly afford to sing
for free, right here in our van.
But I say we really break the bank
with a full 12-minute rendition
of Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven.
Oh, for sure.
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
ANIMAL: Rock on! Rock on! Rock on!
(CRASHING)
NORA: Moog, are you okay?
MOOG: You guys aren't gonna believe
what's down here.
(BAND MEMBERS EXCLAIMING)
FLOYD: All this.
ZOOT: Oh, yeah.
FLOYD: Look at this.
What is this place?
Nora, you are looking at the secret studio
under The Shack.
I always thought
it was just the stuff of rock music myth.
- Ooh, it was real, all right.
- (LAUGHS)
Yeah, back in the day,
everybody would jam and party down here.
The Mamas & the Papas, Sonny & Cher
- Hey, Mayhem!
- Cheech & Chong.
You guys went out for pepperoni pizza
and never came back, man.
And with anchovies, man.
Yeah! Hey, where are the anchovies, man?
We got a little sidetracked by the '80s.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- Okay, this is insane.
No. This is home.
Fate has fortuitously unitified us
with our faithful friends
- and our groovy gear.
- (GRUNTS)
Whoa! Drums! Drums!
- (LAUGHS)
- (ALL CLAMORING)
Wow! It's Animal's old drum kit.
And it's our old home movies
and TV VCR combo.
This stuff has been down here forever.
There's no way it still works
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
There's a light switch?
(SINGING ROCKIN' ROBIN)
Hey! Remember that one?
Tweet, tweet!
(ALL SINGING ALONG)
PENNY: Shut up, all of yous!
What you doing to my floor?
Hey, now, there is my little firecracker.
In your dreams, Chompers!
(LAUGHS)
Love you, too, Twinkles.
Can you two please be professional
and play nice?
Just like us. Right, Smooshie?
Bad! Bad!
- Animal, no! Back!
- (GRUNTS)
Um
Maybe leave your guard dog down there
and you come up?
(CLEARS THROAT)
BRB.
FLOYD: Hmm?
LIPS: Huh?
"Bring your own root beer."
Ah. Right.
We should get rollin', too.
Hey, you got a dime for a payphone?
Hey, thanks, Dave.
How you do that, man?
We'll only be a sec.
JJ's still hounding me to buy
our old music catalog for his app thingy.
- JFinity.
- JFunfetti!
- J
- He wanted to see
some of our oldies in person.
- JJ bad!
- That thing's coming through the floor!
It's cool, Animal. I got this.
Bad!
You promised
you wouldn't make any decisions
- until you heard their new music.
- I'm sorry, new music?
Your band just turned 50.
They're literally the oldies,
which is great for my app.
But you are fooling yourself
if you think the 12 to 24 demo
is going to care.
Let me tell you something.
The last thing The Mayhem is ever
gonna be, is just "oldies."
- DR. TEETH: A two, three, four.
- (ROCKIN' ROBIN PLAYING)
- PENNY: Yeah, I love this tune.
- Yeah.
I used to do the twist to it,
till I blew out my pelvis.
Ooh, enough said. But, hey,
I'm always here to help if you need it.
(ANIMAL GROWLS SOFTLY)
Thanks for the offer, JJ,
but it's a closed rehearsal, so
ANIMAL: JJ bad.
(ALL SINGING)
(MOOG CHUCKLES)
See, now,
that's what I call classic Mayhem.
- You should cover this for the album.
- Absolutely.
- LIPS: Yeah.
- But also, no.
- ALL: Huh?
- Guys,
everything on this new record
has to sound super fresh.
- Right on. Hey, Floyd.
- Hmm?
You cover the keys, I'll slap the strings.
We'll do an
instrumentation switch-ilation.
- FLOYD: Good idea.
- No, no, no. Stop.
I'm not just talking about
changing instruments.
FLOYD: How about this?
(FANFARE PLAYING)
- Festive garments to wow the crowd.
- ZOOT: Mmm.
Okay. Also, not asking
for a wardrobe change.
I'm talking about something
especially for that 12 to 24 demo.
A whole new musical vibe.
Look, how about a hot music collab?
Oh! Like what we did last time
with Zedd and Sofia Carson?
No. No, this time,
we actually wanna keep the song.
- ALL: Oh!
- Yeah, that's one way to go.
I'm not talking about
a producer behind the scenes.
I'm talking about an artist on the mic,
bringing a new sound.
Think, like, reggae, EDM, K-pop,
modern pop, folk pop,
country pop, hip hop.
Classic rock (MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
- Mumble rap.
- Oh, yeah.
There you go, Lips. The ideas are flowing.
Why didn't you say so?
We love the collaborizations. Right, gang?
- Yeah, we do.
- ZOOT: We love it.
Yeah. What say we bring the old school?
And you bring the new.
Hey, I know my way around a mixing board.
You guys rock it, I'll record it.
Oh, you the man, Gorp.
You can call me whatever you want,
as long as I can help make this album,
all right?
Right. For sure.
Can you help me with something outside?
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay. Perfect.
Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm.
I really do.
It's just
this album has to be produced by
- A professor! Professional.
- A professional.
- Yeah, agreed.
- All right.
That's why I need a real producer,
who can bridge their vintage sound to
- today's audience.
- Today's ornaments. Audience!
What? (CHUCKLES)
No. I am right there with you.
I don't think you are.
Moog, we don't need you to hit record.
Wait, you don't think I got skills.
- No.
- No, no, no, hold on.
- I think this might change your mind.
- Moog, really
Just hold on.
This is my home base and home studio,
where I recorded my demo.
- Huh.
- Here, watch this.
(MACHINERY WHIRRING)
- That is legit impressive.
- (CHUCKLES)
But, even still,
this album,
it just has to feel big, you know?
No, yeah, I get it.
Yeah, I'm just I'm not there yet.
Hey, the band is always gonna need
their number one Mayhead.
Bringin' the love, clapping along.
You kill it with the clapping.
You know what? I will not let you down.
And to be honest,
I'm just glad you didn't judge me
for living the trailer life.
Believe me, we all have
questionable living situations right now.
Welcome, roomie.
Oh, I have such big plans for us.
We'll stay up late
and braid each other's hair,
and use astral projection to dream share.
Tonight, we'll be flying
on the back of a liger to Las Vegas.
Uh Will I have a bed
while dreaming about all this?
You're standing on it.
The pillows?
Yeah, for sure.
I don't believe one's body
should be imprisoned by a bedframe.
Which is why I subscribe to
free-range resting.
Just like, drop and sleep anywhere.
Okay. So, it's kind of like
the world is our bed.
Exactly. This is gonna be so much fun.
We're gonna be just like sisters.
Trust me,
I'm the last sister you'd ever want.
Still no word from Hannah?
No.
For some reason,
she's still not over me calling her
a shallow, self-centered opportunist.
I, like,
totally feel like this is all my fault,
because it totally is all my fault.
No, it's mine.
I told Hannah I don't need her in my life
and that's clearly not true.
Plus, she's the only one I know
that has actual connections.
So, I know I promised you guys
a cool collaboration,
but it'll never happen without her help.
I just booked us
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
What was that?
Um, Lips booked Kesha, Desiigner,
Deadmau5 and Ziggy Marley.
Wha How?
When it comes to Lips, you don't ask how,
you just say, "Wow."
"Wow," it is.
Okay, Lips, coming through
with the epic collabs.
If you ask me,
the only real collaboration that matters
is the one with your sister.
Just tell Hannah you really do need her.
It's so simple.
Janice, I tried, okay?
But she totally iced me out.
'Kay. There's really nothing
left for me to do.
Or is there?
- What?
- Nothing.
HANNAH: Hey, Fanahannahs.
Today we have a special guest
for our makeup tutorial.
Janice from The Electric Mayhem
did a surprise pop-in to get a makeover.
- Oh, like, hi!
- (CHUCKLES)
Okay, so, first, we're gonna go in
with some light shadow
- just to open the eye a little bit.
- Like opening up your heart
to your sister.
Okay. To get the perfect blend,
what you're gonna wanna do is
You mean like how sisters blend perfectly?
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
So, you clearly have an agenda
and I refuse to acknowledge it.
So, how about we just
slap on some lipstick and call it a day?
Kind of like how sisters
need to lip-stick together?
Okay, that one didn't even make any sense.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
I mean, smash that like button
- and hit subscribe.
- Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
- Bye.
- Okay, bye.
- Wow. That was, like, so informative.
- Okay, I get it. Nora sent you.
You can just go back
and tell her to forget it.
No, I came here on my own.
See, my life's mission
is to bring people together.
Yeah, remember
when the Rolling Stones broke up?
The Stones never broke up.
That's 'cause I kept them together.
Okay, honestly, I don't need my sister,
so just drop it.
For sure.
No, actually.
My life is better without her.
- For sure.
- So, we're good here?
For sure.
Okay. Is that a "for sure"
as in, you give up,
or a "for sure"
where you're just humoring me?
(WHISPERS) For sure.
NORA: Kesha, hi! Wow. We're just so
Wow. You're actually here to collab,
in person, with the band.
It's honestly, it's just Wow.
Anything for Lips.
He's the one that told me
to drop the dollar sign out of my name.
TiK ToK. I don't know nothin' about that.
Cool. Cool, cool.
All right, let's lay it down.
Yep, Mayhem meets modern pop.
We need something catchy and cute.
About that,
I did a deep dive into the lyrics
and if you break it down,
Rockin' Robin's story is so tragic.
- Oh, no.
- Think about it.
"Rockin' in the tree tops all day long."
Is that his choice or society's?
ALL: Whoa!
ZOOT: So deep.
Kesha just imploded my brain
and broke my heart.
And that is what we're gonna do
with this song.
(SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING ROCKIN' ROBIN)
(ALL SOBBING)
Cool.
- ZIGGY MARLEY: Ready?
- (REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING ROCKIN' ROBIN)
Mmm! Now, we're talking!
(MUSIC STOPS)
Yo, I'm sorry.
I can't go on. My heart is broken.
Oh, wow. Like,
that was a lifetime ago, Zigmund.
I'm sorry.
(BAND MEMBERS MURMURING)
What's happening?
In her day, Janice broke a lot of hearts.
- Tweedle-lee-dee.
- (EXHALES)
(DISTORTED ELECTRONIC VERSION
OF ROCKIN' ROBIN PLAYING)
JANICE: Wow. It's, like, so dark in here.
(LIPS MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
JANICE: Hello?
FLOYD: It is so hot,
I'm gonna pass out.
(THUDS)
(MUSIC STOPS)
Really, guys?
(SNIFFS) Oh. Fresh air.
Why do I even wear this thing?
FLOYD: Little help. (GROANS)
ANIMAL: Tweedle-lee-dee.
(MELLOW HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(RAPPING ROCKIN' ROBIN)
(MUMBLE RAPPING)
Yes.
(ALL RAPPING)
(MUMBLE RAP VERSION OF
ROCKIN' ROBIN PLAYING ON STEREO)
Hey, listen, I don't think
the band is diggin' any of this.
Really? They seem happy to me.
Hey, guys, you feelin' this?
ALL: Yeah. Sure.
We did it!
See? Happy.
Yeah, they're always happy.
Here, uh, watch.
Hey, guys, look. I got a fork.
(ALL CHEERING)
- JANICE: For sure.
- You did it!
See? If you look past
their blind enthusiasm,
you could tell
that they're just like, "What?"
Let's be honest.
This isn't their opinion, it's yours.
No.
Look, Janice agrees.
She's staging a walkout.
No, I'm just meeting a friend for yoga.
But I love how mumbly we sound.
Okay, bye.
Look, I get that you know everything
about the band,
but I know this business
and this rap song
is the best thing for them.
But this isn't even their sound
Hey, I appreciate the input,
but this is my call.
So, if you really wanna help me,
hook me up with a copy to play for Penny.
- Got it?
- Got it.
- Got it.
- (CAMERA WHIRRING)
JANICE: and exhale all the negativity.
Now, how do you feel, Hannah?
Healed? Free?
In the mood to forgive?
Yeah, I feel done.
You promised you'd leave after yoga.
Okay, like, what if I told you
that Nora said she needed you?
Would, like, that change your mind?
- She said that?
- Of course.
Now, it's your turn
to admit that you need her.
Okay, sorry,
but there's no therapy in the world
that'll get me to admit
that I still need Nora in my life.
Okay. Not even a healing sound bath?
- (GONG ECHOES)
- (GASPS) Oh!
Hard pass.
How about a therapeutic trust fall?
- Ah Oof!
- (THUDS)
Was I supposed to catch you?
How about a light lobotomy?
(DRILL WHIRRING)
Seems drastic.
How about a Karamo karma cleanse?
Who's ready to tear down some walls?
How did you get in my house?
I think the real question is,
"How do I get into here?"
Oh, no.
No, don't you dare work that
beautiful healing magic on me, Karamo.
Hmph.
I mean, honestly, sometimes, the best way
to break through someone's walls
is to tear down your own.
Ooh, like, totally,
but this isn't about me.
I'm not too sure about that.
No, my life's mission
is to focus on everyone else's problems
instead of, like, my own.
So, maybe just zip it
and stay in your lane.
Okay. Love you, bye.
- Knock, knock. You have a second to
- Hey, don't you ever knock?
I literally walked in saying,
"Knock, knock."
Sorry, I was just wondering
if you had a chance
to listen
to the new Mayhem song I emailed.
What do I know from emails?
Okay, full disclosure,
I took it upon myself
to take the band in a new direction.
- Hurry up.
- Not a new direction,
- but we're doing mumble rap, and
- Just play it already!
Okay. Check it out.
(ROCK VERSION OF ROCKIN' ROBIN
PLAYING ON RECORDING)
Wait, wait, wait.
This is not the right song.
Then why are you still here? Leave!
- Leaving. I Just forget this happened.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
I will be back.
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Ugh.
That was close.
I'll say.
Now, where was we, Twinkles?
Ooh, that fast little piggy
was just about to go to market.
You'll never guess
what happened to the one who stayed home.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
You!
Nora, hey, before you kill me,
- just hear me out
- No! You went rogue, okay?
I needed to play Penny our new song,
and instead it was, God knows what.
You're welcome. That was my cool version
of the Mayhem's Rockin' Robin.
No, Moog. Listen to me, okay?
You are not making this album with us.
All you are
is some loud, clapping super-groupie
who lives in a rented trailer
in the driveway.
- First of all, I own it.
- Oof.
And at least
I'm not a fake pillow-pile-sleeping poser
who's so desperate for success,
she doesn't even realize
the perfect sound for her band
is right in front of her.
I like this show. Lots of drama.
Wow.
You actually think you know
what's best for this band?
More than you.
At least I know their history
and what really makes
The Mayhem The Mayhem.
Maybe if you actually listened to my demo,
you'd realize that.
This is a narrative
of very heavy-duty proportions.
A few songs you cut together in your car
will never convince me
you're the future of this band.
- My demo is the band.
- (GASPS)
It's remixes of all their songs
from all the concerts I've been to.
Oh.
I didn't know that.
When it comes to their music,
there's a lot you don't know.
Well, that was a plot twist.
(GOD ONLY KNOWS BY
THE ELECTRIC MAYHEM PLAYING)
Hey, they're great. Who are they?
Good times. Seems like yesterday.
I didn't realize how lucky you are.
I mean, you've spent a lifetime
making music with your friends.
FLOYD: Yep.
And I wouldn't change it for the world.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(SIGHS)
If you're back to heal me,
you can just forget about it.
My ears finally stopped ringing
from the gong.
Okay, so, like, this is my last attempt.
Janice, please, just let it go already.
I will. But first,
I just need you to look
at this one little photo that I brought.
Let me guess,
you went through our old family album
and wanna use some childhood snapshot
to remind me
that Nora and I need each other?
Well, if you ask me, we need each other
for all the wrong reasons.
So, if anything,
the one thing we need right now, is space.
Actually, it's not a picture of you
and your sister,
it's me and mine.
You have a twin?
I do.
Somewhere.
I hope you'll believe me when I say that
the distance may, like,
totally feel good right now,
because you think
you don't need your sister,
but at some point, you will.
And she won't be there for you
because you've drifted too far apart.
Trust me. I know.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Hey.
Let me guess.
You're here to give me my demo back.
No.
I'm here to
admit you were right.
What?
Your sound. It's the perfect bridge
between their past and their future.
Yeah. No, that's exactly
what I was going for.
All this time, I've been searching
for a producer that gets the band,
and he's been parked in our driveway
the whole time.
Look, I will not let you down, Nora.
We start tomorrow. 9:00 a.m., sharp.
Yeah, the band
doesn't do anything before 2:00 p.m.
Still learning.
- I'll see you then.
- Yeah.
- Hi, roomie.
- Hey.
This free-range sleeping
is hard on the back.
I have something that totally might help.
Hi.
I've been calling.
I know. Um
I just
I wanted to
What? Do you need something?
Yeah.
I need my big sis.
(WHISPERS) Thank you.
(WHISPERS) For sure.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
All right. Let's get back to the basics.
Okay, no more collabs.
Just you doing what you do best.
How about we start with some new stuff?
- Yeah, the new stuff, right?
- Yeah, the new stuff!
Count us in with the new stuff,
- o' fearless leader.
- JANICE: Mmm-hmm.
A one, a two A one, two, three
and a half.
Four?
Okay, so, update.
It seems there is no new stuff.
It's a work-in-progress.
Hold it right there.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- Oh!
I see sparklies.