The Prince (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

1
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♪
- Can you hand me
my iced mocha, Owen?
- Of course,
Your Royal Highness.
- Uh, shake it.
Jesus.
They made it wrong today.
Was it the guy
with the lightning bolt tattoo
across his face again?
- I believe so.
- I told you to have them
make it again if he makes it.
And, also, how about if you've
got a lightning bolt tattoo
across your face,
don't be a fucking barista?
Am I right, O?
- Course you are, sir.
-
Of course you are, sir.
That's what you sound like.
Holy shit, O,
listen to this.
"Meghan Markle to join
the 11th season
of 'The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills.'"
She doesn't even live
in Beverly Hills.
She lives off Fairfax,
and that's like
the least of it.
A reality show?
Can you imagine, O?
Oh, so thirsty
for any kind of attention.
I would die before I would be
on her reality show.
I don't care how many times
they ask me to star in it.
I mean, kill me now,
am I right, O?
- Yes.
Kill me now.
- And what are you doing
to my hair, Owen?
I told you I wanted
to look like Chris Hemsworth
not Kris Jenner.
- It looks very smart, sir.
Why, you look even more
handsome than Chris Hemsworth.
- Really?
Aw, thanks, O.
I fucking love you today.
Hug?
- Just follow my lead, Harry.
I've been on TV for years,
so I'm kind of a pro.
- Yes, the very famous show
"Suits."
- Yeah.
And everyone does
reality TV now,
so don't worry about this
being a step down for me
because it's not.
- I wasn't
until you just said it.
- Plus, it's a really good
platform to promote my brand.
- What is your brand?
- Oh, I don't know.
I'll think of
some piece of crap.
Let's just start filming.
- We've been filming.
- Oh, fuck.
Okay, just be natural.
Whatever you would
normally say, but make sure
you ask me about my lunch
with the girls yesterday.
Specifically Dorit.
- Hello, Meghan.
How was your lunch
with the girls yesterday?
Specifically Delete?
- Dorit.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm just not feeling her,
I guess.
But I hope we can move forward.
- Well, I'm gonna go give
a massage
to someone I met at Costco.
- Oh, right.
That's your job.
And I'm gonna have a drink
with Lisa Rinna
and Erika Jayne to talk about
why I wasn't feeling Dorit
at lunch yesterday and how
I hope we can move forward.
- Is it my line now?
- No, it's not anybody's line.
It's reality, Harry.
- Got it.
So whose baby is that?
- This is our baby, Harry.
- Oh.
Hello, you.
All right, well, I'm off to
Echo Park.
Sounds posh.
Was that okay?
- Maybe let's just do
the whole thing again.
♪
- Don't you just love Meghan?
- Oh, she's great.
It's so refreshing to meet
someone who's actually sweet.
It's like, thank you, God.
People are so awful now.
- I know.
People need to be kinder
to each other.
- Excuse me,
I'm visiting from the Midwest,
and can I get a photo?
- No, you can't get a photo.
We're filming a goddamn show.
- Yeah, get the fuck
out of here, Ohio.
- Oh, my God,
you look gorgeous.
- You look fabulous.
- Hey, Meghan.
- I love what
you're wearing, Erika.
- And your whole look
is so cute.
- Thanks. Zara.
So I have an idea.
I was thinking of maybe hosting
a little group trip.
- We love a trip!
- What would you think of about
going to London
to visit my in-laws?
They have a ton of guest rooms.
- Uh, at Buckingham Palace?
Yes, please.
- And I promise
we will be nothing
but refined and gracious.
You need to get this woman
the fuck away from me.
- Camilla,
knock off the farting.
- She's sorry, Mummy,
Something must have upset
her tummy.
I love your farts, darling.
- So Meghan texted me to a--
oh, Jesus,
I can smell it all the way
over here, Camilla--
to ask if she could film
her show here.
I'd die of embarrassment
if I were on that show.
Could you imagine?
I mean, I told her yes but,
like, I don't want to be on it.
I can't think
of anything worse.
Excuse me, do you have any tea
that doesn't take like piss?
Thanks.
I mean, I'll probably
have to be on it a little.
You know, I am her nephew,
and Bravo is always looking
for new Bravolebrity to pop.
Anyway, whatever.
It's gonna suck.
Ooh, that's hilarious, Ganpa.
Bravo loves a pratfall.
Very LuAnn in the bushes.
Yeah.
You'll be good on the show.
- You guys! You guys!
They're going to be filming
"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills" here.
- No way, dude.
- We're going to be on TV,
bitches.
- This is a dream, Douglas.
- I know.
We could be a spin-off, Greg.
They love gay people
in the States.
- A spin-off!
- Totally.
And they're going to be
so much nicer to serve.
They're Americans.
They're friendly
and down-to-earth.
- They'll probably treat us
like we're one of them.
- Yes, finally.
There's no class system
in America.
We'll become friends.
They might invite us
for dinner.
- It's going to be heaven.
Sheer heaven!
- We'll be laughing
and joking and having fun.
It'll be like
we're not working at all.
- I wonder
if I could fuck one of them.
Yeah, I'm gonna fuck
one of them.
- Oh, my God,
the guys with the hats.
Look, girls.
The guys with hats.
- All right, calm down.
- Oh, my God, Kyle, look.
They're so adorable.
Let's see
if we can make one smile.
- Fuck off.
No way you get me--
- Oh, shit. You smiled.
- Please don't tell.
- You're not supposed
to tickle them, Dorit.
- Okay, Meghan, relax.
I didn't know there were rules.
- Of course there are rules.
That's their whole thing.
This is how she was
with me at lunch. I can't.
- This is cool and all,
but, honestly,
Turks and Caicos
would've been more fun.
- Yeah, is there
even a pool here?
- Why did you bring that
with you again, Harry?
- You know, in case
someone wants a massage.
I'll do a few out calls.
Make some pin money.
- Auntie Meghan, hello!
Oh, I've missed you.
- Uhhi.
- I heard you weren't
getting along with Dorit.
I feel terrible.
- What?
Where did you hear that?
- Come, come inside, everyone.
I am so thrilled
to be cohosting this trip
with Meghan.
Hey, Lisa,
we know
each other from Instagram.
- Do we?
- We do.
- I don't remember.
- Well, we do.
I'm George, by the way.
Love the show.
Just tell me if you want me
to do anything again.
I'm great at improv.
- Hello.
Welcome to Buckingham Palace.
May I take your bag?
- Yeah, you can take
my fucking bags.
What am I gonna do,
take them myself?
- Oh, I'm sorry. I just--
- I don't care.
- I might have misjudged this.
♪
- Girls,
this is like that villa
we stayed at in France.
- Um, it's not, Kyle,
but okay.
Charlotte, get out of here.
Get out of here.
Sorry. Nobody.
Anyway, Meghan, you were saying
Dorit's such a what?
- What?
No, I didn't say anything.
I didn't say anything, Dorit.
- Well, I heard it somewhere.
- She hates Delete.
- You need to knock it off
and you're hitting
everyone with that table.
- Did you--did you see
what I did?
I just stirred the pot.
Well, you'll tell me if you
want me to do anything again.
So, yeah,
I think it's going well.
I mean, I had this really
funny bit with Lisa Rinna
that I'm sure they'll keep in.
I'm just keeping it real,
though.
That's what works.
Pushing doesn't work, Owen.
That's not what they want.
Andy gets mad when you push.
- I'm sure you're
extraordinarily charming.
And you're very telegenic.
- Is not--is that coming
from Bravo?
What did you hear?
- No.
Is just coming from me, sir.
- I don't care about you.
I can't get a read
on this producer at all,
but I guess
they only say something
if you're not doing
a great job, right?
More powder.
I'll tell you when to stop.
Ugh, do I even look handsome?
- Of source you do, sir.
- Well, say that!
♪
- Meghan, your friends
are so interesting.
And I thought everyone in L.A.
was just a vapid alcoholic.
- No, that's just you.
- There's enough liquor
in the world
to make you tolerable.
- You have a lovely home.
- Yes.
It's Buckingham Palace,
you fucking idiot.
What a stupid thing to say.
Who are these people?
- Jesus.
- These are my girlfriends.
- Your girlfriends?
What are you, in high school?
Camilla, stop slurping.
- She's sorry, Mummy.
She knows she slurps.
We've talked about it.
She's seeing someone.
- The camera loves you,
darling.
- I think you're
fucking fabulous, by the way.
- Oh, thank you, baby doll.
- I could be a friend.
Just putting it out there.
You know, like "friend of
Erika" when they show me.
Talk to the producers.
See what they say.
I'm in L.A. a lot.
- Oh, where do you stay?
- I stay in the--
I don't--stop grilling me,
Teddy.
And why are you here?
Weren't you fired?
I swear,
I'm in L.A. all the time.
And if I really pull
my weight, who knows?
Maybe I get to hold
a diamond next season.
You'll talk with Andy.
- So I'm curious.
What do you guys think
about Brexit?
- You think we care?
You, Mary, I don't like this.
- Of course,
Your Royal Highness.
I'll have something else
prepared for you.
- I don't like mine either.
- Yeah, no one's
inviting us to dinner.
- That's not cool, Dorit.
- She did it.
- You know,
I've had enough of you.
First that thing at lunch,
and now this?
- What happened at lunch?
- Shouldn't you know?
- I thought we were
moving forward, Meghan.
- Well, we're not.
- Yeah, she hates you, Dorit.
- Hates.
- Okay, enough!
- Do you see
what a pot-stirrer I am?
Tell that producer
I know how to bring it.
Oh, and I have no filter.
- Can I keep this?
- Uh, it's like solid gold
from the 1500s,
but sure.
- Sorry, I've got an out call
in Shoreditch at 9:00.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Sorry. Sorry.
Can someone call me a cab?
- He seems to be doing well.
- What the fuck is going on
with Harry?
- How dare you
talk about Harry?
- I'll say whatever I want,
bitch.
You're in my house now.
- I like her.
- She's good, right?
- Come on.
You want a piece of me?
- I will fuck you up, girly!
- Uh, I feel like the focus is
starting to shift off of me.
Maybe in editing you'll fix it?
- Let me go. Let me go!
- She's not worth it.
- Let her go!
I can take her!
Come on, you want to talk
about my husband, lady?
- Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, she's not
talking about Harry Hamlin.
That is such a trigger for her.
This is good stuff though.
I mean, this is the trailer,
am I right?
He doesn't say much, does he?
Well, I'm definitely in the
show if I'm in the trailer.
- Dad, do you have any cash
for a cab?
- Oh look,
Grandma's on the money.
I never noticed that before.
- Yeah, can we do
this whole dinner again?
- Let me at her!
♪
- Yeah, I'm in the show.
- Is this when we get
our spin-off?
- All right, shut up.
♪