The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy (2024) s01e04 Episode Script
The Curse of Orlosh
1
Honki ponki ♪
[Senay: Honki Ponki]
Honki ponki ♪
[machine] Virus free.
Virus free. Virus free.
[Harb] "Who can resist
the call of passion?
Passion doesn't ask,
passion demands."
Slippery Hog?
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
[machine] Virus free.
- [alarm blares]
- Virus detected. Hold.
- Honki ponki toni nok
- Mmm.
[Harb] "Passion spreads
like a rumor,
or a fire, or a rash.
[moaning]
[shrieking]
Of course, there are
those who think
they can control their desires.
[moans]
But the harder they try
to ignore passion,
the louder it knocks.
[chittering]
Next time
the opportunity arises,
as it were, remember this:
Passion, enticing
though it may be,
always comes at a price."
- [cheering, applause]
- The perfect beginning
to a new Lust Chronicle.
You've done it again.
Of course she has.
She's Harbarbagar R. Bagarbahar,
the best-selling
romance novelist
in this galactic cluster.
The naughtiest
nautilus novelist.
[laughs] I am naughty.
And I am here for
my routine shell replacement.
[cheering, applause]
♪
[snoring]
[Plowp chirps]
[coos]
Uh, hi.
I thought you might
enjoy a bite to eat.
[yawns]
- [creature shrieks]
- Mmm, yum.
You're cute in the morning.
Thank you, but it
is deep afternoon.
Ah.
I had a lovely time last night.
It's all so exciting.
I've never been
in a relationship before.
- [gagging]
- Oh.
I feel like you're suddenly
flooded with horror,
like your life is in danger.
Uh, no. No danger.
No relationship.
We're just hooking up.
Two people who don't know
each other's middle names
My middle name is
[cooing] B'kuku.
who occasionally
combine genitals. Cool?
If that is what you want,
then I respect that
we remain uncommitted.
- Great.
- It's likely just
my raging hormones causing me
to foresee a delightful
courtship period
followed by
a respectful life union
with dozens of fertilized eggs.
Ew.
I should have
kept that to myself.
Okay, time to leave before
I learn your first name.
I got that for us to share.
Oh, because we
share things now. Great.
[clucking]
[yowling]
Still tracking his yowls?
I think that one
means he's hungry.
[hisses]
And that one means
he doesn't like
when I talk about him.
[growls]
And that one I can't figure out.
[laughs]
That's how Plowp eats.
Sleech, you like Plowp.
[chuckles nervously]
No, I don't.
Yes, we had sex
dozens of times last night,
but then he mentioned
a life union and eggs.
Plowp does have the hips
of an egg carrier.
I like wrapping
my tail around them.
Oh, no, do I like him?
This is a good thing.
Just because I like when his
feathers graze my underscales
doesn't mean I'm committed.
His cute mohawk
and his sharp beak
- [gasps]
- and long dry feet
don't mean I want to date him.
[shouts] Oh, no.
- Is it
- The Curse of the Orlosh.
[groans] The most mortifying
sex disease.
Hello, you've just
tested positive
for The Curse of the Orlosh,
a virus spread
- through sexual contact.
- Thank you, got it.
Whoops. Can't minimize me. Ooh.
Nice try, but I'm
like a boomerang.
No getting rid of me.
Anywho, you contracted
the virus from Matt,
and transmitted it to Plowp,
who transmitted it back to you,
who transmitted it to Plowp,
- to you, to Plowp
- [gasps]
You don't need
to say "Plowp" so loud.
- [grunts]
- Adjusting volume to "loud."
You transmitted it to Plowp,
who transmitted it to you,
who transmitted it to Plowp!
I've also slept with Matt,
who's publicly respected as hot.
[wails]
The Curse of the Orlosh
transferred over to us
from the now-extinct
Orlosh species
thousands of years ago.
Someone definitely
slept with an Orlosh.
Anyway, be safe out there.
The Curse of the Orlosh
spreads so well
because it increases pheromones,
which makes everyone
want to get it on.
Take 10% off your next
pleasure purchase
at UniYum's sex shop, UniGasm.
- [female] UniYum, baby.
- [male whispering] UniGasm.
Is there anything worse
than turning into the last
person you slept with?
- No.
- [groans]
But, luckily,
it's just a few weeks
before the symptoms clear up.
Excuse me? Did you feel lucky
during the outbreak
in med school?
Oh, no. Wow, your
little claws move fast.
You turned into Slug Girl
and couldn't get unstuck
from a practice cadaver.
That corpse slept in
our dorm room for two weeks.
I can still smell it.
Ugh. I look like a performer
at Blonskinverse
Birthday Castle.
Oh, you do.
Birdsalot Snakeface.
[laughs]
Sleech, you're fine.
It's okay to like Plowp
and have his sexy feathers
for a couple of weeks.
There's nothing we can do.
There's no cure.
I have to go.
I have a medical conference
this afternoon.
About medicine, of course.
You are so lucky
you never sleep with anyone.
I sleep with someone.
Who are you talking to?
I can't believe you
never told me
we met in your past
in my future.
I didn't want to accidentally
stop you from meeting me.
It's an important memory for me.
[exclaims]
Oh, whoa.
The Curse of the Orlosh, right?
Those are Dr. Jub's back horns.
Well, this has ruined
my tailored lab coat.
And, uh, I probably
gave it to you. Apologies.
Oh. Right. Duh.
It's just, um, I thought
you didn't sleep
with Dr. Jub anymore
because her horns
kept damaging your walls.
Not that I care.
Are you sure you're okay
with seeing each other casually?
I know we've
tried it before and
Totally good with casual.
I was, like, very sure
based on my own assumptions
that we were only
sleeping with each other,
but I'm relieved
that's not the case.
You'll let me know
if this gets hard, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I will.
Prepare for detachment.
You got it, I'm chill.
I was talking to the robo-arms.
Oh, I forgot you
were mid-surgery.
I guess you were working on
two bodies at once.
Hardly, it's all automated.
They don't let us
perform manual surgeries
on anyone with
survival odds below 70%.
I have to run to lunch
with the head
of the UniYum board.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I was going to say
it'd be so weird if we went down
to Little Glork's after this
and got a TonkoPop to share
while feeding the lake-sapiens
and laughing. [chuckles]
Mm-hmm.
See you later, Dr. Klak.
[sighs]
Dinala wields a sword
like she wields her power.
Sexually.
They're coming out
with an interactive version
where Dinala can make
the reader bleed.
Would you consider yourself
more of a Fernod or a Dinala?
Without question, I am a Dinala.
[laughs] Sure, you're
a Dinala, then I'm a Dinala,
that guy's a Dinala.
Guess we're just
handing out Dinalas here.
[laughter]
The truest mark of a Fernod
is their wish to be a Dinala.
[gasps]
Children's birthdays
are downstairs
in Pediatrics, Mr. Snakeface.
Always nice to see you, Harb.
I'll be supervising
your routine shell upgrade.
[gasps] You're part Plowp?
Do you have
The Curse of the Orlosh.
Private arousal
made public affair.
What delicious chaos
to become a past lover.
[laughs]
You look so dumb with a beak.
At least people can [clucks]
[laughter]
This is a nightmare.
Oh, good. The new shell.
[Harb] It's actually
a very old shell.
It was my grandmother's.
She was also extremely sexual,
right to her last dying orgasm.
Oh!
A squatter.
Um
I'm free!
Do you want me to go after him?
No. The shell brought out
the green in his thorax.
Let him have it.
- We can order you another shell.
- Not like that one.
With the deep sea embargo,
it's impossible to get
a vintage shell legally.
People are dangerously
[clucks]
[laughter]
Oh, that's it.
I am getting my body back
no matter the cost.
Now that's a Dinala.
That's it.
I'm getting a shell like
grandma's no matter the cost.
If you need anything at all,
Nurse Tup is available.
[overlapping indistinct chatter]
Well, this is an HR nightmare.
[overlapping indistinct chatter]
I'll have Gonto prep a seminar.
Mm-hmm. Is that all
you're gonna have Gonto do?
[holo-tracer] That's right.
Pheromones are
everywhere right now,
making everyone horny.
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
I need your help.
Look, I'm part you.
Your tail is giving me
astonishing balance.
I want my body back.
You don't think it's romantic
that we're sharing
the phenotypical expressions
of each other's genetic code?
No, it basically
makes us siblings.
Right.
[groans] Siblings.
It's been a few hundred years
since I saw that faceplate.
You've got some nerve
showing up here.
[grunting]
I see you finally stole yourself
a set of BigNSmall Ray Guns.
Big news,
you're about to be small.
Read the small print.
You're about to be big.
[both laugh]
It's good to see
an old friend, Vlam.
What stolen goods do you need?
An unoccupied vintage
bioluminescent shell
from the Ergth Century.
Of course
you want me to get around
an interplanetary embargo.
Ah, I miss us.
[Plowp] Gene editing
people is illegal.
Which is why, technically,
I'm gene editing the virus.
We can program it
to attack any foreign DNA.
It'll totally erase you.
Because it's an embarrassment
for you to be seen as me.
You're finally getting it.
[grunts]
In your desperation
and haste to erase me,
you've overlooked something.
This is going to attack
what it thinks is foreign DNA.
[grunting]
You've made you me.
Uh, okay, new plan.
We get an Orlosh from
the Disease Containment Floor
Dr. Sleech, I have tried
to be understanding
because I feel your distress,
but I can't do it any longer.
Is it really so terrible
that people know
we shared a beautiful,
sensual melding of our genitals?
When you put it that way, yes.
I can't believe
you'd put yourself in danger
just to hide me.
Perhaps we do not
have the potential
I thought we did.
What? Are you serious?
This isn't about you.
That's the problem.
I need an egg-mate who
I am not your egg-mate.
considers my feelings.
Perhaps it's my
hormonal fluctuations,
but I can never forgive you
for being inconsiderate once.
I'm breaking up with you.
Uh, okay.
You can't break up with me
because I refuse to admit
we're in a relationship.
How convenient,
because we no longer are.
Whoa!
Wow, it is impossible
to balance without a tail.
[Krallistaire grunting]
Wow. Ha-ha!
3-6 splork over a grosk.
Oh! [laughs]
What?
[groans]
For the UniYum grant this year,
I was thinking you
and Nebula General
could submit something exciting.
Ha-ha!
Really? I have a working idea
for permanent interior nanobots.
Ha. No, I meant exciting
for UniYum. Financially.
You should submit research
for Tongue Enhancements
that allow our patients to taste
all the new flavors
we created just for them.
Oh, can you taste the money?
I would really like to do
something more meaningful
than lay taste buds
into the mouths of the rich.
Why not rest on your laurels?
I'm on mine right now,
and they feel nice on my butt.
Ha!
[gasps]
Oh, Krallistaire
[gurgles]
you're leaking.
- [shouts]
- It's me. Sleech.
[gasps, groans]
I left you alone for one hour.
And I've asked you
not to do that.
I need help with
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Is life without a tail
even worth living?
Ah, no, no, no, no, no. Whoa.
[sighs]
[Sleech gasps] Azel legs?
You said you were
going to a medical conference
about medicine.
You lied to me.
I had to lie.
You can be
kind of judgmental about
I am judgmental.
You're making
the same bad choice
I've had to watch you make
a thousand times. I judge.
- [clucks]
- But that's so unfair.
You like someone
who's an actual good person
and likes you back,
and all you care
about is yourself.
Like I haven't watched you make
this choice a thousand times.
At least I'm not a masochist.
At least my bad choices
only hurt me,
and not everyone around me.
[groans] Did you get
meanness from Azel, too?
That's not how
the disease works.
I know.
[nurse] I just don't know
if it's still
considered exercise
if I'm using
telekinesis to lift
Okay, now I'll tie up this
nice person just doing his job
because I love
to boldly adventure
no matter the consequences.
[Zalorx] When the wealthy
old crusties die,
the center keeps their shells
in case science can ever
bring them back to life.
But those shells could
help so many people.
Since when do you care
about helping people?
I meant those shells
could help us.
To get money.
To spend on our dangerous
pirate lifestyle.
[both chuckle nonchalantly]
We need higher-level clearance.
♪
Oh, come on.
It was a pushy, not a pully.
Eh
[chuckles]
That doesn't
belong to you, gearhead.
[alarm blares]
[reporter] After the break,
we know UniYum's toxic waste
is UniYuck,
but is it also
causing UniMutations?
- [Plowp groans]
- [reporter 2] Thirteen staffers
for the Tri Galactic Chancellor
have all partially become her
- You okay?
- No.
I have strong feelings
for Dr. Sleech,
but I don't suppose we're
interested in the same thing.
I think she could get there.
But you see, I don't
want her to have to get there.
I'm excited about her.
I want someone
who's excited about me,
and not just my orifices.
Otherwise, I would
always be pretending
not to be excited, not to care.
Yeah, that would be
a sad place to get stuck.
Bummer.
Yeah.
[exclaims]
[Sleech] Come on, Klazel,
time's a-wastin'. [clucks]
[clears throat] I mean
b'kaw.
[clears throat] B'kaw.
[chuckles]
The Sleech in me
is attracted to you.
Me, too, Matt.
Me, too.
[clucking]
Stay with me, Krall.
So much money left
to spend in this life.
Don't let the machines do it.
We cover up a lot of deaths.
[machine] Please stand back.
This is now
an automated surgery.
Thank you, buy UniYum.
Oh! Can't use needles
with his flesh.
No! [groans]
[alarm dings]
[machine] You are
in direct breach
of UniYum protocol.
[sighs]
[machine] Switching to saw mode.
- [yelping]
- No one does sharp like UniYum.
UniYum is here to help.
[gasps]
[groaning]
[shouts]
No!
[machine] Patient is stable.
UniYum says "You're welcome."
[chuckles]
Praise UniYum.
[grunts]
[shouting]
Oh, no!
Looking for this? [chuckles]
[shrimp resident] Look
out there!
- [groaning]
- I'm trapped.
Vlam, let's move.
[groans]
I can't let her die.
Get him!
Thank you.
Security! Security!
I ruined the mission.
I'm no longer a reckless pirate
who will slice the face off
the Barnacle Beast.
I've changed, Zalorx.
I'm a doctor now.
Oh, thank the sea winds.
I don't adventure anymore.
I have 3,425 grandkids,
and now,
all I care about is them.
All I care about is my patients.
I got caught up in trying
to prove myself to someone,
and then to you,
but the only reason
I came here today
was to help a patient,
and we didn't even
get the shell.
- Didn't we?
- [Vlam gasps]
You used the BigNSmall gun set.
Oh. [laughs]
So, who's the deserving,
scrappy urchin
who's getting this shell?
A rich woman
who writes sex books.
Tell me it's Harbarbagar.
Doctor-patient privilege
forbids me,
so all I'll say is
her name rhymes with
Mardargalar Gar Farnarzabar.
Amazing. [sighs]
Two old hell-raisers
gone soft, huh?
I always knew you were
a good person, at your core.
[Vlam] I knew you were, too.
As thrilled as I am to run
a serologic analysis
on an extinct creature,
there's a reason it was in
a four-layer titanium case.
Bringing an Orlosh
back to life is a great idea.
I just need to isolate
the original virus,
infuse it with my DNA,
and infect myself, effectively
sleeping with myself.
The dream.
Sleech, this infection
will be gone in two weeks.
Orloshes are extinct
for a reason, okay?
Their bloodlust wiped them out.
I don't think
we should mess with that.
Why is this suddenly so dire?
Because I might actually
be into him, okay?
Sleech, you like him.
Sorry, sorry.
So what's the problem?
Everything?
That people will know?
That this makes it
public and real?
That he's definitely
going to mess it up
because I'm perfect?
Sleech, are you scared?
Klak, look at me. Will you help?
Against my best interests,
I always do.
Huh. [groaning]
Aah! What happens
if an Orlosh infects you?
- Whoa!
- Sleech!
- [gasps]
- [growling]
Sorry, Sleech.
Wha No!
[both growling]
If you bite me,
I get worker's comp.
[groans]
Where are my teeth?
Aah! Where are my claws?
I defanged, declawed,
and dewormed you.
You're now impotent
little furballs,
which is, frankly,
how I've always seen you.
[both growling]
I cannot control my new
Orlosh instinct to kill.
I think we can both agree,
hot raw flesh sounds delicious.
You should have told me
about Azel.
Why? So you could bully me
into not seeing them?
That's never stopped me before.
Do I bully you?
Come on, Sleech.
You bully everyone.
[growling]
Do you think Matt's sad
you turned into Plowp?
I hope not.
I barely even think about Matt.
Do you think
I'm just a Matt to Azel?
I don't know.
We're all a Matt to someone.
We don't know
how long this will last.
Could be an hour.
Could be a lifetime.
This has been
a really fun day for me.
Nice try with this Orlosh stunt,
but you still have
to finish your shift.
Roll safe.
Oh, you were right.
I am a Fernod.
And I'm happy to be one.
Good for you.
I'm still a Dinala.
She's the fun one.
Would you like me
to read to you?
I would.
"Despite having
changed drastically,
Dinala realized that you never
lose the old part of you,
you just embrace the new one.
And, with that revelation,
Dinala and her accountant
began to make love
under the fiery Golonkulan sky."
Whoops. Oh, wait.
Whoa, oh boy.
I do not know my own radius.
Thanks for coming.
My butt looks good on you.
And I see you've made
some more poor choices.
Whew, great.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I haven't been
in something real
in a long time,
and I freaked out.
I understand.
Calling you my future egg-mate
was a bit intense.
So was breaking up with you
because I felt bad.
I don't know what
dating is, Dr. Sleech.
Maybe we can figure it out.
[Sleech laughs]
Whoa!
[panting]
[sighs]
[shouts]
[chuckles] I don't know
why I thought
today was gonna be
the day I get the fruit.
[phone chimes]
Hi.
Hi. Oh, today was exhilarating.
Krall had an unexpected
membranous leak,
and I battled
some UniYum property
and I kept remembering
that time we got stuck
in that MRI machine
and you hyperventilated
What are you doing
right now, Azel?
You said you wanted casual.
Calling me every day
isn't casual, it's confusing.
Oh, right.
Do you want to get dinner
and talk about it?
[sighs]
I'm not good at casual.
And neither are you.
I think we should stop this.
Of course.
Have a good night.
Dr. Azel.
I'm too busy for your praise.
I'm here on behalf of UniYum
to discuss your surgery
today on me.
Consider this a warning and
a reminder to follow protocol
lest you
find yourself ineligible
for the annual UniYum grant.
Thank you, buy UniYum.
Are you joking?
You begged me to save your life.
I don't recall that happening.
[whispers] They're
always listening.
Stick to the TongueTaste 2000.
Don't worry about chasing down
some huge medical breakthrough.
As ever, praise UniYum.
[Harb] "We think
passion is synonymous
with danger, destruction, fear.
But as we evolve,
we learn that
all things enticing
need not be embraced.
We learn to recognize
the land mines,
and either head right for them
or gingerly avoid them.
The point is, we get to choose
whether to take
the destructive path
- [both gasp]
- or the nurturing one."
He's pregnant?
I guess those yowls meant
he was in heat.
There's gonna be
a second unkillable worm?
We're gonna need
more Choco-Bones.
[Harb] "And sometimes,
just sometimes,
in spite of knowing
that a particular choice
leads to certain doom,
we make it anyway."
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Çalona bimbo bori rok ♪
Musi musi hubobo kozi zok ♪
Çiki çiki sayne tiki tak tok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Çalona bimbo bori rok ♪
Musi musi hubobo kozi zok ♪
Çiki çiki sayne ♪♪
Chirp.
Honki ponki ♪
[Senay: Honki Ponki]
Honki ponki ♪
[machine] Virus free.
Virus free. Virus free.
[Harb] "Who can resist
the call of passion?
Passion doesn't ask,
passion demands."
Slippery Hog?
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
[machine] Virus free.
- [alarm blares]
- Virus detected. Hold.
- Honki ponki toni nok
- Mmm.
[Harb] "Passion spreads
like a rumor,
or a fire, or a rash.
[moaning]
[shrieking]
Of course, there are
those who think
they can control their desires.
[moans]
But the harder they try
to ignore passion,
the louder it knocks.
[chittering]
Next time
the opportunity arises,
as it were, remember this:
Passion, enticing
though it may be,
always comes at a price."
- [cheering, applause]
- The perfect beginning
to a new Lust Chronicle.
You've done it again.
Of course she has.
She's Harbarbagar R. Bagarbahar,
the best-selling
romance novelist
in this galactic cluster.
The naughtiest
nautilus novelist.
[laughs] I am naughty.
And I am here for
my routine shell replacement.
[cheering, applause]
♪
[snoring]
[Plowp chirps]
[coos]
Uh, hi.
I thought you might
enjoy a bite to eat.
[yawns]
- [creature shrieks]
- Mmm, yum.
You're cute in the morning.
Thank you, but it
is deep afternoon.
Ah.
I had a lovely time last night.
It's all so exciting.
I've never been
in a relationship before.
- [gagging]
- Oh.
I feel like you're suddenly
flooded with horror,
like your life is in danger.
Uh, no. No danger.
No relationship.
We're just hooking up.
Two people who don't know
each other's middle names
My middle name is
[cooing] B'kuku.
who occasionally
combine genitals. Cool?
If that is what you want,
then I respect that
we remain uncommitted.
- Great.
- It's likely just
my raging hormones causing me
to foresee a delightful
courtship period
followed by
a respectful life union
with dozens of fertilized eggs.
Ew.
I should have
kept that to myself.
Okay, time to leave before
I learn your first name.
I got that for us to share.
Oh, because we
share things now. Great.
[clucking]
[yowling]
Still tracking his yowls?
I think that one
means he's hungry.
[hisses]
And that one means
he doesn't like
when I talk about him.
[growls]
And that one I can't figure out.
[laughs]
That's how Plowp eats.
Sleech, you like Plowp.
[chuckles nervously]
No, I don't.
Yes, we had sex
dozens of times last night,
but then he mentioned
a life union and eggs.
Plowp does have the hips
of an egg carrier.
I like wrapping
my tail around them.
Oh, no, do I like him?
This is a good thing.
Just because I like when his
feathers graze my underscales
doesn't mean I'm committed.
His cute mohawk
and his sharp beak
- [gasps]
- and long dry feet
don't mean I want to date him.
[shouts] Oh, no.
- Is it
- The Curse of the Orlosh.
[groans] The most mortifying
sex disease.
Hello, you've just
tested positive
for The Curse of the Orlosh,
a virus spread
- through sexual contact.
- Thank you, got it.
Whoops. Can't minimize me. Ooh.
Nice try, but I'm
like a boomerang.
No getting rid of me.
Anywho, you contracted
the virus from Matt,
and transmitted it to Plowp,
who transmitted it back to you,
who transmitted it to Plowp,
- to you, to Plowp
- [gasps]
You don't need
to say "Plowp" so loud.
- [grunts]
- Adjusting volume to "loud."
You transmitted it to Plowp,
who transmitted it to you,
who transmitted it to Plowp!
I've also slept with Matt,
who's publicly respected as hot.
[wails]
The Curse of the Orlosh
transferred over to us
from the now-extinct
Orlosh species
thousands of years ago.
Someone definitely
slept with an Orlosh.
Anyway, be safe out there.
The Curse of the Orlosh
spreads so well
because it increases pheromones,
which makes everyone
want to get it on.
Take 10% off your next
pleasure purchase
at UniYum's sex shop, UniGasm.
- [female] UniYum, baby.
- [male whispering] UniGasm.
Is there anything worse
than turning into the last
person you slept with?
- No.
- [groans]
But, luckily,
it's just a few weeks
before the symptoms clear up.
Excuse me? Did you feel lucky
during the outbreak
in med school?
Oh, no. Wow, your
little claws move fast.
You turned into Slug Girl
and couldn't get unstuck
from a practice cadaver.
That corpse slept in
our dorm room for two weeks.
I can still smell it.
Ugh. I look like a performer
at Blonskinverse
Birthday Castle.
Oh, you do.
Birdsalot Snakeface.
[laughs]
Sleech, you're fine.
It's okay to like Plowp
and have his sexy feathers
for a couple of weeks.
There's nothing we can do.
There's no cure.
I have to go.
I have a medical conference
this afternoon.
About medicine, of course.
You are so lucky
you never sleep with anyone.
I sleep with someone.
Who are you talking to?
I can't believe you
never told me
we met in your past
in my future.
I didn't want to accidentally
stop you from meeting me.
It's an important memory for me.
[exclaims]
Oh, whoa.
The Curse of the Orlosh, right?
Those are Dr. Jub's back horns.
Well, this has ruined
my tailored lab coat.
And, uh, I probably
gave it to you. Apologies.
Oh. Right. Duh.
It's just, um, I thought
you didn't sleep
with Dr. Jub anymore
because her horns
kept damaging your walls.
Not that I care.
Are you sure you're okay
with seeing each other casually?
I know we've
tried it before and
Totally good with casual.
I was, like, very sure
based on my own assumptions
that we were only
sleeping with each other,
but I'm relieved
that's not the case.
You'll let me know
if this gets hard, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I will.
Prepare for detachment.
You got it, I'm chill.
I was talking to the robo-arms.
Oh, I forgot you
were mid-surgery.
I guess you were working on
two bodies at once.
Hardly, it's all automated.
They don't let us
perform manual surgeries
on anyone with
survival odds below 70%.
I have to run to lunch
with the head
of the UniYum board.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I was going to say
it'd be so weird if we went down
to Little Glork's after this
and got a TonkoPop to share
while feeding the lake-sapiens
and laughing. [chuckles]
Mm-hmm.
See you later, Dr. Klak.
[sighs]
Dinala wields a sword
like she wields her power.
Sexually.
They're coming out
with an interactive version
where Dinala can make
the reader bleed.
Would you consider yourself
more of a Fernod or a Dinala?
Without question, I am a Dinala.
[laughs] Sure, you're
a Dinala, then I'm a Dinala,
that guy's a Dinala.
Guess we're just
handing out Dinalas here.
[laughter]
The truest mark of a Fernod
is their wish to be a Dinala.
[gasps]
Children's birthdays
are downstairs
in Pediatrics, Mr. Snakeface.
Always nice to see you, Harb.
I'll be supervising
your routine shell upgrade.
[gasps] You're part Plowp?
Do you have
The Curse of the Orlosh.
Private arousal
made public affair.
What delicious chaos
to become a past lover.
[laughs]
You look so dumb with a beak.
At least people can [clucks]
[laughter]
This is a nightmare.
Oh, good. The new shell.
[Harb] It's actually
a very old shell.
It was my grandmother's.
She was also extremely sexual,
right to her last dying orgasm.
Oh!
A squatter.
Um
I'm free!
Do you want me to go after him?
No. The shell brought out
the green in his thorax.
Let him have it.
- We can order you another shell.
- Not like that one.
With the deep sea embargo,
it's impossible to get
a vintage shell legally.
People are dangerously
[clucks]
[laughter]
Oh, that's it.
I am getting my body back
no matter the cost.
Now that's a Dinala.
That's it.
I'm getting a shell like
grandma's no matter the cost.
If you need anything at all,
Nurse Tup is available.
[overlapping indistinct chatter]
Well, this is an HR nightmare.
[overlapping indistinct chatter]
I'll have Gonto prep a seminar.
Mm-hmm. Is that all
you're gonna have Gonto do?
[holo-tracer] That's right.
Pheromones are
everywhere right now,
making everyone horny.
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
I need your help.
Look, I'm part you.
Your tail is giving me
astonishing balance.
I want my body back.
You don't think it's romantic
that we're sharing
the phenotypical expressions
of each other's genetic code?
No, it basically
makes us siblings.
Right.
[groans] Siblings.
It's been a few hundred years
since I saw that faceplate.
You've got some nerve
showing up here.
[grunting]
I see you finally stole yourself
a set of BigNSmall Ray Guns.
Big news,
you're about to be small.
Read the small print.
You're about to be big.
[both laugh]
It's good to see
an old friend, Vlam.
What stolen goods do you need?
An unoccupied vintage
bioluminescent shell
from the Ergth Century.
Of course
you want me to get around
an interplanetary embargo.
Ah, I miss us.
[Plowp] Gene editing
people is illegal.
Which is why, technically,
I'm gene editing the virus.
We can program it
to attack any foreign DNA.
It'll totally erase you.
Because it's an embarrassment
for you to be seen as me.
You're finally getting it.
[grunts]
In your desperation
and haste to erase me,
you've overlooked something.
This is going to attack
what it thinks is foreign DNA.
[grunting]
You've made you me.
Uh, okay, new plan.
We get an Orlosh from
the Disease Containment Floor
Dr. Sleech, I have tried
to be understanding
because I feel your distress,
but I can't do it any longer.
Is it really so terrible
that people know
we shared a beautiful,
sensual melding of our genitals?
When you put it that way, yes.
I can't believe
you'd put yourself in danger
just to hide me.
Perhaps we do not
have the potential
I thought we did.
What? Are you serious?
This isn't about you.
That's the problem.
I need an egg-mate who
I am not your egg-mate.
considers my feelings.
Perhaps it's my
hormonal fluctuations,
but I can never forgive you
for being inconsiderate once.
I'm breaking up with you.
Uh, okay.
You can't break up with me
because I refuse to admit
we're in a relationship.
How convenient,
because we no longer are.
Whoa!
Wow, it is impossible
to balance without a tail.
[Krallistaire grunting]
Wow. Ha-ha!
3-6 splork over a grosk.
Oh! [laughs]
What?
[groans]
For the UniYum grant this year,
I was thinking you
and Nebula General
could submit something exciting.
Ha-ha!
Really? I have a working idea
for permanent interior nanobots.
Ha. No, I meant exciting
for UniYum. Financially.
You should submit research
for Tongue Enhancements
that allow our patients to taste
all the new flavors
we created just for them.
Oh, can you taste the money?
I would really like to do
something more meaningful
than lay taste buds
into the mouths of the rich.
Why not rest on your laurels?
I'm on mine right now,
and they feel nice on my butt.
Ha!
[gasps]
Oh, Krallistaire
[gurgles]
you're leaking.
- [shouts]
- It's me. Sleech.
[gasps, groans]
I left you alone for one hour.
And I've asked you
not to do that.
I need help with
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Is life without a tail
even worth living?
Ah, no, no, no, no, no. Whoa.
[sighs]
[Sleech gasps] Azel legs?
You said you were
going to a medical conference
about medicine.
You lied to me.
I had to lie.
You can be
kind of judgmental about
I am judgmental.
You're making
the same bad choice
I've had to watch you make
a thousand times. I judge.
- [clucks]
- But that's so unfair.
You like someone
who's an actual good person
and likes you back,
and all you care
about is yourself.
Like I haven't watched you make
this choice a thousand times.
At least I'm not a masochist.
At least my bad choices
only hurt me,
and not everyone around me.
[groans] Did you get
meanness from Azel, too?
That's not how
the disease works.
I know.
[nurse] I just don't know
if it's still
considered exercise
if I'm using
telekinesis to lift
Okay, now I'll tie up this
nice person just doing his job
because I love
to boldly adventure
no matter the consequences.
[Zalorx] When the wealthy
old crusties die,
the center keeps their shells
in case science can ever
bring them back to life.
But those shells could
help so many people.
Since when do you care
about helping people?
I meant those shells
could help us.
To get money.
To spend on our dangerous
pirate lifestyle.
[both chuckle nonchalantly]
We need higher-level clearance.
♪
Oh, come on.
It was a pushy, not a pully.
Eh
[chuckles]
That doesn't
belong to you, gearhead.
[alarm blares]
[reporter] After the break,
we know UniYum's toxic waste
is UniYuck,
but is it also
causing UniMutations?
- [Plowp groans]
- [reporter 2] Thirteen staffers
for the Tri Galactic Chancellor
have all partially become her
- You okay?
- No.
I have strong feelings
for Dr. Sleech,
but I don't suppose we're
interested in the same thing.
I think she could get there.
But you see, I don't
want her to have to get there.
I'm excited about her.
I want someone
who's excited about me,
and not just my orifices.
Otherwise, I would
always be pretending
not to be excited, not to care.
Yeah, that would be
a sad place to get stuck.
Bummer.
Yeah.
[exclaims]
[Sleech] Come on, Klazel,
time's a-wastin'. [clucks]
[clears throat] I mean
b'kaw.
[clears throat] B'kaw.
[chuckles]
The Sleech in me
is attracted to you.
Me, too, Matt.
Me, too.
[clucking]
Stay with me, Krall.
So much money left
to spend in this life.
Don't let the machines do it.
We cover up a lot of deaths.
[machine] Please stand back.
This is now
an automated surgery.
Thank you, buy UniYum.
Oh! Can't use needles
with his flesh.
No! [groans]
[alarm dings]
[machine] You are
in direct breach
of UniYum protocol.
[sighs]
[machine] Switching to saw mode.
- [yelping]
- No one does sharp like UniYum.
UniYum is here to help.
[gasps]
[groaning]
[shouts]
No!
[machine] Patient is stable.
UniYum says "You're welcome."
[chuckles]
Praise UniYum.
[grunts]
[shouting]
Oh, no!
Looking for this? [chuckles]
[shrimp resident] Look
out there!
- [groaning]
- I'm trapped.
Vlam, let's move.
[groans]
I can't let her die.
Get him!
Thank you.
Security! Security!
I ruined the mission.
I'm no longer a reckless pirate
who will slice the face off
the Barnacle Beast.
I've changed, Zalorx.
I'm a doctor now.
Oh, thank the sea winds.
I don't adventure anymore.
I have 3,425 grandkids,
and now,
all I care about is them.
All I care about is my patients.
I got caught up in trying
to prove myself to someone,
and then to you,
but the only reason
I came here today
was to help a patient,
and we didn't even
get the shell.
- Didn't we?
- [Vlam gasps]
You used the BigNSmall gun set.
Oh. [laughs]
So, who's the deserving,
scrappy urchin
who's getting this shell?
A rich woman
who writes sex books.
Tell me it's Harbarbagar.
Doctor-patient privilege
forbids me,
so all I'll say is
her name rhymes with
Mardargalar Gar Farnarzabar.
Amazing. [sighs]
Two old hell-raisers
gone soft, huh?
I always knew you were
a good person, at your core.
[Vlam] I knew you were, too.
As thrilled as I am to run
a serologic analysis
on an extinct creature,
there's a reason it was in
a four-layer titanium case.
Bringing an Orlosh
back to life is a great idea.
I just need to isolate
the original virus,
infuse it with my DNA,
and infect myself, effectively
sleeping with myself.
The dream.
Sleech, this infection
will be gone in two weeks.
Orloshes are extinct
for a reason, okay?
Their bloodlust wiped them out.
I don't think
we should mess with that.
Why is this suddenly so dire?
Because I might actually
be into him, okay?
Sleech, you like him.
Sorry, sorry.
So what's the problem?
Everything?
That people will know?
That this makes it
public and real?
That he's definitely
going to mess it up
because I'm perfect?
Sleech, are you scared?
Klak, look at me. Will you help?
Against my best interests,
I always do.
Huh. [groaning]
Aah! What happens
if an Orlosh infects you?
- Whoa!
- Sleech!
- [gasps]
- [growling]
Sorry, Sleech.
Wha No!
[both growling]
If you bite me,
I get worker's comp.
[groans]
Where are my teeth?
Aah! Where are my claws?
I defanged, declawed,
and dewormed you.
You're now impotent
little furballs,
which is, frankly,
how I've always seen you.
[both growling]
I cannot control my new
Orlosh instinct to kill.
I think we can both agree,
hot raw flesh sounds delicious.
You should have told me
about Azel.
Why? So you could bully me
into not seeing them?
That's never stopped me before.
Do I bully you?
Come on, Sleech.
You bully everyone.
[growling]
Do you think Matt's sad
you turned into Plowp?
I hope not.
I barely even think about Matt.
Do you think
I'm just a Matt to Azel?
I don't know.
We're all a Matt to someone.
We don't know
how long this will last.
Could be an hour.
Could be a lifetime.
This has been
a really fun day for me.
Nice try with this Orlosh stunt,
but you still have
to finish your shift.
Roll safe.
Oh, you were right.
I am a Fernod.
And I'm happy to be one.
Good for you.
I'm still a Dinala.
She's the fun one.
Would you like me
to read to you?
I would.
"Despite having
changed drastically,
Dinala realized that you never
lose the old part of you,
you just embrace the new one.
And, with that revelation,
Dinala and her accountant
began to make love
under the fiery Golonkulan sky."
Whoops. Oh, wait.
Whoa, oh boy.
I do not know my own radius.
Thanks for coming.
My butt looks good on you.
And I see you've made
some more poor choices.
Whew, great.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I haven't been
in something real
in a long time,
and I freaked out.
I understand.
Calling you my future egg-mate
was a bit intense.
So was breaking up with you
because I felt bad.
I don't know what
dating is, Dr. Sleech.
Maybe we can figure it out.
[Sleech laughs]
Whoa!
[panting]
[sighs]
[shouts]
[chuckles] I don't know
why I thought
today was gonna be
the day I get the fruit.
[phone chimes]
Hi.
Hi. Oh, today was exhilarating.
Krall had an unexpected
membranous leak,
and I battled
some UniYum property
and I kept remembering
that time we got stuck
in that MRI machine
and you hyperventilated
What are you doing
right now, Azel?
You said you wanted casual.
Calling me every day
isn't casual, it's confusing.
Oh, right.
Do you want to get dinner
and talk about it?
[sighs]
I'm not good at casual.
And neither are you.
I think we should stop this.
Of course.
Have a good night.
Dr. Azel.
I'm too busy for your praise.
I'm here on behalf of UniYum
to discuss your surgery
today on me.
Consider this a warning and
a reminder to follow protocol
lest you
find yourself ineligible
for the annual UniYum grant.
Thank you, buy UniYum.
Are you joking?
You begged me to save your life.
I don't recall that happening.
[whispers] They're
always listening.
Stick to the TongueTaste 2000.
Don't worry about chasing down
some huge medical breakthrough.
As ever, praise UniYum.
[Harb] "We think
passion is synonymous
with danger, destruction, fear.
But as we evolve,
we learn that
all things enticing
need not be embraced.
We learn to recognize
the land mines,
and either head right for them
or gingerly avoid them.
The point is, we get to choose
whether to take
the destructive path
- [both gasp]
- or the nurturing one."
He's pregnant?
I guess those yowls meant
he was in heat.
There's gonna be
a second unkillable worm?
We're gonna need
more Choco-Bones.
[Harb] "And sometimes,
just sometimes,
in spite of knowing
that a particular choice
leads to certain doom,
we make it anyway."
Honki ponki ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Çalona bimbo bori rok ♪
Musi musi hubobo kozi zok ♪
Çiki çiki sayne tiki tak tok ♪
Honki ponki toni nok ♪
Çalona bimbo bori rok ♪
Musi musi hubobo kozi zok ♪
Çiki çiki sayne ♪♪
Chirp.