The Vince Staples Show (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

1
[upbeat music playing]
[music continues faintly]
[birds chirping]
[inhales, exhales]
[employee over PA]
Remember, beach buddies,
report violence before you retaliate.
[man speaking Spanish]
[engine sputtering]
Fuck.
Remind me why
we didn't go to Disneyland again?
[engine revs]
You ain't got Disneyland money.
Park Hoppers cost $900 apiece right now.
And I love my little brother,
but not that much.
All five of us, that's a Gucci bag.
- [boy 1] Uncle Vince
- I am not your uncle, nigga.
Are we gonna see Dude?
- You know Dude not real, right?
- [boy 1] What?
Yeah. Just a nigga in a suit,
like Steve Harvey.
Can I get some chicken?
[mocking] Do you have chicken money?
Okay, everybody, put your headphones on.
I'mma need you to relax
with the bullshit today.
- What bullshit?
- Your bullshit.
Don't play dumb. It's Dee Dee's birthday,
and he look up to you.
Psst!
Dee Dee a bitch.
And you would know that
if you loved your brother for real.
Got him out here begging for chicken.
Uh-uh, hold up.
This ain't no regular fried chicken.
So act the fuck right,
or I'mma whup that ass. [kisses]
[theme music playing]
Every day I see you is a fine day ♪
Fine ♪
[children screaming]
[employee] Welcome to Surf City.
Dive into the fun. Surf's up!
- [Vince] Let's get this shit over with.
- [Deja] It's gonna be a long day.
[roller coaster clanking]
[employee] The water park is now closed.
Wait, Dee Dee.
Let me put your birthday pin on.
[employee] Rest in peace to all those
who lost their lives during the tragedy.
Can you get a birthday pin
from the information center?
Come on, let's take a photo.
[indistinct chatter]
[woman 1] Like, it don't move at all.
Like, when you get the
- Excuse me.
- [woman 1] It don't move at all
Ooh!
Uh-uh, hold on.
[smacks lips] Can I help you?
- I need a birthday pin.
- We on break.
So, if I get a set, I don't really wanna
wear it together because
I don't want to mix them together either.
Is it for you?
Do it matter?
- Yeah, it do. We only give pins to kids.
- [chuckles] And you grown as hell.
Give me a fucking pin.
Don't do that.
Show us the kid.
[woman 1] That's your baby?
No. He a Make-A-Wish.
What's your name?
[employee] Hey, don't forget to try
our world-famous fried chicken.
- [woman 1] Excuse
- Hate you niggas.
[woman 1] We can go in the back.
- Wait till I clock out.
- [woman 2] Don't come back.
[photographer] Okay, here we go.
Everyone say, "Cheese."
- Thank you!
- [Vince] I'll be in the car.
Get in the picture.
[employee] Children must be accompanied
by adults of the same ethnic background.
Get the fuck off me.
[photographer] Okay, everybody,
nice and close together.
- One, two, three, smile!
- [camera shutter clicks]
- Hey, what's up with Dude?
- [Deja] What you mean?
[Vince] I feel like he's staring at us.
[Deja] You can't even see his eyes.
Actually, let's get him in the picture.
[woman 1] Just Just wait.
Dude!
[children screaming, laughing]
[ominous music playing]
[indistinct chatter, laughter fades]
[ominous music continues]
- [Deja] Now it's time for rides!
- [boys] Yeah!
[loud bang]
- [boy] Move, nigga!
- [Vince] Fuck you!
- [boy] Fuck you too, bitch!
- Get the fuck out the way!
[bell rings]
[boy 1] My stomach hurt.
When are we eating?
Uh, didn't you feed everybody
before we got here?
No. I fed Deshaun.
Why wouldn't you feed everybody?
I don't know the niggas.
Or they dietary restrictions at that.
Shit, will it matter? We can't eat here?
You wanted chicken, right?
Yeah, but the line was wrapped
around the corner when we passed it.
Maybe they won't ask again.
[boys chanting] We want chicken!
We want chicken!
We want chicken!
We want chicken! We want chicken!
[son] I wanted a french fries.
[mother] We don't have french fry money.
Okay, I know it's not the best,
but I had to save every penny
just to get us in here.
So we're gonna make do.
Excuse me.
[mother] Nigga.
Do we look homeless to you?
I don't need your money.
[cashier] Next!
Let me get, uh, some
Dark or white meat?
- Dark meat.
- We outta dark meat.
I'll take some white meat, then.
Hey, Miguel.
We got any white meat back there?
We outta that too.
So, what do y'all got?
Look, motherfucker, I'mma need you
to keep this line moving.
If you wanna eat, you gotta come back
and get some of that dinner chicken.
[Vince] Hmm.
What's up, loc?
Hey, tell Mookie to tap in with me.
Wait. Is that chicken?
Hey, cuz! We ain't got no chicken for you!
That back there, that's my deep fryer.
That mean it's my chicken.
And that is my nigga, nigga.
[chuckles]
Yeah, okay.
- Next!
- [cell phone vibrates]
- Yeah?
- [Deja] Where are you?
[riders screaming]
[employee over PA] If you're
having issues with phone reception,
there's nothing we can do for you.
Sincere apologies.
[worker] Hey.
What's up?
You lookin' for chicken?
You know where it's at?
There might be another restaurant.
Allegedly.
[Vince] "Allegedly"?
Follow the yellow brick road.
- You know where Splash Town at, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
You're gonna walk all the way past it.
After a few minutes,
you'll see the carousel.
Keep going.
Eventually, you'll see a dark tunnel.
You walk up it, not down it.
It's gonna be right there,
next to Ocean Madness.
Red door.
Appreciate that.
Careful over there, Vince.
[pensive music playing]
["Tiptoe Through the Tulips" playing]
Tiptoe through the window ♪
By the window, that is where I'll be ♪
Come tiptoe through the tulips with me ♪
Oh, tiptoe from the garden ♪
[sighs] Fuck it.
Come tiptoe through the tulips ♪
[light flickering]
[door hinge creaks]
[door shuts]
["Tiptoe Through the Tulips"
continues faintly]
How you doing, bro?
Whatever, man. Let me get, um,
two 20-piece dinners with Tidal Tots.
And, um, do that come with the biscuits?
You right, bro.
Yeah, add the biscuits. Fuck it.
And, um, a lemonade.
No coleslaw, please.
["Tiptoe Through the Tulips"
continues faintly]
And if I kiss you in the garden
In the moonlight ♪
Will you pardon me? ♪
That's expensive.
[phone chimes, vibrates]
With me ♪
[riders screaming]
[rider] Stop the ride! I wanna get off!
[screaming continues]
What's wrong, Jeremy?
My granny ain't give me no money.
Don't worry about it.
Get whatever you want. Okay?
Ooh!
Excuse me. How you doing?
It's my little brother's birthday,
and Deshaun, come here.
and I seen on y'all website
that y'all offer a discount
for such occasions,
and I was just wondering
how I go about doing that.
Dee Dee, show him your pin.
What? Fuck no. Y'all niggas is stealing.
Stealing?
- [cashier] Yeah.
- Boy, ain't nobody gotta steal nothing.
[chuckles] Okay, well, I see
little T'Challa over there stealin',
and I see the fat-ass one stealin' too.
Y'all lucky I don't call security.
First of all, ain't no security
at janky-ass Surf City.
Second, why would I be stealing
$10 T-shirts, nigga? I ain't broke.
[cashier] Bitch is broke.
'Cause if you weren't broke,
you'd be at Disneyland.
Now, get the fuck outta my shop.
Nah, you got the right one.
Come on, y'all!
- Whoa, you gonna pay for that shit!
- Fuck you! We ain't payin' for shit!
And I'mma have my nigga come
and fuck yo ass up!
- Your nigga?
- Vince Staples!
Who the fuck is Vince Staples?
Hey, yo. Who the fuck is Vince Staples?
[ethereal music playing]
Oh, hello, good sir! [panting]
Charlotte, it's happening!
Charlotte!
Thank you. [chuckles]
Excuse me, but it's it's been a while.
But we are so happy to have you join us
on such a wondrous occasion. [chuckles]
What What is your name, sir?
Vince.
Vince, do you believe in magic?
- No.
- [chuckles] No?
Well, trust me, after tonight, you will.
[Charlotte chuckles]
Magic is one of mankind's
oldest mysteries.
Houdini, Copperfield, Christ!
For centuries, we have amazed,
entertained,
and forced mankind
to think outside of the box.
Do I have any volunteers?
[crickets chirping]
Charlotte, come!
My lovely assistant, Charlotte.
Charlotte, uh, she's been having
a little bit of a stomach problem lately,
isn't that true, Charlotte?
But don't worry, Vince.
I'm going to fix it.
Charlotte, please, do me a favor.
Will you lay down, put your head
over there, and your feet over there?
Vince, I'm sorry to say this,
but it looks like
we're going to have to operate
with an electric saw
- [saw whirs]
- [gasps]
designed to cut wood.
[saw whirs]
I'm going to simply take
this little stockade
through which the blade will pass,
- place it over Charlotte.
- [Charlotte gasps]
- All right, here we go.
- [saw whirs]
At the count of three, we shall begin.
One, two, three!
Here we go, Charlotte!
- [saw whirring]
- [Charlotte screaming]
[whirring stops]
Charlotte, hallelujah!
You are healed!
No, please, I need this! Please!
Many people have died doing the next trick
that I'm about to perform.
Oh, yes, it is banned in many countries,
but here, tonight, in this park,
it will be done.
It is simply called
the Catch.
[dramatic swell]
[box unlocks]
[creaks]
[dramatic music building]
- [music crescendos]
- [loud bang]
[Charlotte screams]
[audience cheering]
I like when they have, like,
them pineapple bowls,
and they put the rice
The pineapple bowls, that's different.
- [woman 2] I'm so
- Hi, hello. I need to speak to a manager.
[employee] Welcome to Surf City.
Dive into fun.
Ooh, she mad.
- Mm-hmm, real mad.
- Can we help you?
Yes. I was racially profiled
by a nigga in the gift shop.
[employee] Fighting is prohibited
on park grounds.
[laughing]
Girl, that's impossible.
- Excuse me?
- [woman 1] Black people can't be racist.
That part. Racism is a social construct
backed by systematic oppression,
and we simply do not have the power.
No, we don't.
Plus, he said you was looking at him
with white gaze.
[woman 1] Mmm.
She do look a little ambiguous.
Trying to shoplift.
Girl, like Wynona Ryder.
I need to speak to a manager
right motherfucking now.
[both] We on break.
So, what brings you here?
Nothin' special, just a birthday.
[pensive music playing]
Do you love her?
[chuckles]
Yeah, well, it's not her birthday.
It's, uh
Her little brother's. Dee Dee. [chuckles]
So cute.
You know, I've been here
for a very long time.
I've seen a lot of people.
A lot of lust. Lot of hate.
But not much true love.
Love is the beginning
and ending of everything.
And if you look hard enough,
you'll find what you're searching for.
[pensive music playing]
Or what's searching for you.
[dramatic music playing]
[dramatic swell]
[upbeat music playing]
[grunts]
[music halts abruptly]
- [Marcel] Come on, Deshaun!
- [Jeremy] Yeah, come on!
No!
- That was fun.
- Go, it'll be fun!
I'm afraid.
Will you ride it with me?
[Deja] Mmm
I'm not messing with the Drowning Dragon,
little bro.
Vince gonna ride with me?
He probably would,
but we can't reach Vince right now.
Is Vince okay?
Don't worry about him,
'cause he fasho ain't worried about us.
[rider] Hi!
[employee over PA] Hands up and scream!
[riders scream]
[Vince] Deja!
[upbeat music playing]
[panting]
[mascots squawking]
[Vince] No more locked doors!
[mascot 1] Down! Down! Down!
[music halts abruptly]
- [upbeat music continues]
- [grunting]
- [music halts]
- Ooh, shit! Wait, wait, wait
[Vince grunts]
Wipe out! ♪
[upbeat music continues]
- [cell phone vibrating]
- [music halts abruptly]
Hello?
- ["Tiptoe Through the Tulips" playing]
- [door shuts]
Come tiptoe through the tulips with me ♪
Oh, tiptoe from the garden ♪
Could I get hot sauce?
Of the willow tree
Come tiptoe ♪
[Vince sighs]
Through the tulips with me ♪
Knee deep in flowers we'll stray ♪
We'll keep the ♪
Then give me all of it, nigga!
Showers away ♪
And if I kiss you in the garden
In the moonlight ♪
[Vince sighs]
Fine day ♪
[employee over PA] Assalamu alaikum!
Merry Ramadan to all those who worship.
Be sure to grab a sundown snack
at the halal cart.
Where the fuck you been?
Bitch, you done left me for dead!
Who is you raising your voice at?!
Got me running around a theme park
for some motherfucking chicken!
- I don't
- You got all this money
I got choked out, stomped out,
packed out, choked out again
- Happy birthday to you ♪
- [Vince] I lost 100 dollars!
- My favorite shoes!
- [Deja]like I'm broke!
- [crowd] Happy birthday, dear Deshaun ♪
- [Vince] You know you steal!
[Deja] I'll burn this whole shit down!
[mellow music playing]
[vocalizing]